#521 - The First Day Of School

Summary

The Basement Yard – Ep. 521: "The First Day Of School"
Release Date: September 22, 2025
Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez (with Joey)

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally rich episode, Joe and Frank start with lighthearted banter about restaurants before Frank opens up about the milestone of his daughter Ruby's first day of school. The conversation gets real about parenting emotions—especially the fears and pride involved in sending a child out into the world. The friends dig into crying as adults, children’s emotional maturity, and even the societal gender differences in parenting girls versus boys. Later, the discussion shifts to viral "Karen" moments, specifically an incident at a baseball game where a woman took a foul ball from a child, leading to a spirited debate about ballpark etiquette and the value of prized sports memorabilia. The episode rounds out with what they'd do if they won the lottery, musings on getting parks named after themselves, and the everyday absurdities of taxes, donations, and infrastructure.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Rainforest Cafe & Childhood Nostalgia (00:15–01:14)

• The guys playfully argue about themed restaurants like Rainforest Cafe and Chuck E. Cheese, joking about their kitschiness and appeal.
• Memorable Quote:
  “I'd rather go to hell than both.” – Joe (01:15)

2. Frank’s Emotional First Day of School (01:24–12:21)

• Frank recounts dropping his daughter Ruby off for her first day of Pre-K.
• Describes setting toy figures (Spider-Man, Batman, Mike Wazowski, Bluey family) up for a special breakfast for Ruby (02:37–03:13).
• Frank details his emotional struggle with letting go and fears about Ruby facing the world’s harshness.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • “She is the most pure, innocent, kind-hearted little kid... And, like, the idea of sending her into the world and, like, the world possibly not being kind to her is terrifying to me.” – Frank (03:39)
  • “There’s a little bit of letting go that you have to do... Not cool with that.” – Frank (04:33)
• Ruby expresses concern about leaving her younger sister Maeve behind, touching Frank deeply (05:03–06:20).
• They reflect on the emotional maturity shown by children and the challenge of parents having to let go so kids can experience life and its hardships.

3. Coping with Parental Anxiety & Gendered Fears (12:21–16:46)

• Frank discusses being more anxious about sending a daughter into the world due to societal dangers, especially for girls.
• Joe and Frank talk about the responsibility of raising good men and teaching daughters to recognize "bad ones."
• Quote:
  "You want to teach a boy to be a good man, and you want to teach a girl how to spot bad ones." – Frank (14:15)
• The talk remains lighthearted even while broaching heavy parenting topics.

4. Back-to-School Nostalgia & Changes Over Time (06:58–08:39)

• Comparing ‘90s/2000s school send-offs (basic, no fanfare) to today’s elaborate signs and rituals.

5. Crying as Adults & Sentimental Triggers (18:28–23:52)

• The hosts and Joey candidly discuss situations that make them cry—kids going to school, airport reunions, old people, viral military family returns, aging, and seeing their own parents emotional.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • “When they're so happy that they cry kills me.” – Joe (20:13)
  • "Old people crying... There's power behind those tears." – Frank (20:33)
  • "Video murdered me, dude." [about a soldier-daughter reunion] – Joe (21:57)

6. Viral Baseball Incident: Ballpark Etiquette & 'Karens' (33:04–43:34)

• The hosts review a viral video where a woman at a Phillies game took a foul ball from a child, examining etiquette and unwritten ballpark rules.
• They agree that adults should always give foul balls to children unless they’re historic milestones.
• Quote:
  “If you’re at a baseball game and you catch a foul ball, give it to a child.” – Joe (37:25)
• Amused discussion of “Karen” behavior, jokes about the cultural stereotype, and the internet’s treatment of such incidents.
• Spirited debate on whether catching a ball means you truly “own” it until you secure it.
• Humor:
  Frank attempts (and fails comically) a Gollum impression regarding the “precious” ball (39:45–40:10).

7. What Would You Do With a Priceless Baseball? (43:34–49:05)

• The group contemplates what circumstances would justify keeping or selling a valuable ball (like Judge’s or Bonds’ home run).
• They honestly acknowledge the temptation of a huge payday even if they admire the player.
• Quote:
  "The realistic person in me, though—the American—says hold that. Sell it for 5 million at auction, baby." – Frank (48:18)

8. Jackpot Dreams (51:00–61:21)

• Joe, Frank, and Joey riff on what they’d do if they won $800 million in the lottery.
• Frank insists he’d go into hiding and not tell anyone (52:35), and that he’d immediately hire security and a financial advisor.
• Fantasies about extravagant homes, in-home chefs, lazy rivers, inviting celebrities for birthday parties, etc.
• “Tomahawks every night, Tomahawks and oysters and Tommy."– Frank (59:31)
• Joe says he’d still podcast, but from Europe or his dream house (56:56–57:03).

9. Getting a Park Named After You (and Other Delusions) (61:05–70:31)

• They joke about New York parks and what it takes to get one named after yourself.
• General realization: it’s expensive (even a bench is $10,000), and Frank admits he wants the glory with "no work."
• Quotes:
  • "I would like to do no work. Have no responsibility, and be given exactly what I'm asking for." – Frank (70:25)
  • “They owe it to me.” – Frank (70:14)

10. Taxes, Government Spending, and Why Life is Expensive (64:05–67:08)

• Tangent about tax structures, donations, and infrastructure.
• The classic Basement Yard blend of comedy and relatable frustration.

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Timestamps & Notable Moments

• 01:24 – Frank reveals it’s Ruby’s first day of school; parental emotions begin.
• 03:39 – Frank’s vulnerability about letting kids go into an unkind world.
• 05:03 – Ruby’s concern for her sister Maeve: “Who’s Maeve gonna play with when I’m gone?”
• 13:04 – Frank discusses extra worries over raising a daughter versus a son.
• 20:13 – Joe on tears of happiness: “When they’re so happy that they cry kills me.”
• 37:25–37:27 – Joe & Frank agree: “If you’re at a baseball game and you catch a foul ball, give it to a child.”
• 39:45–40:10 – Gollum "precious" impression gone wrong.
• 48:18 – Frank: “Sell it for $5 million at auction, baby.”
• 52:35 – Frank’s plan for lottery privacy and security.
• 59:31 – Frank’s fantasy menu: “Tomahawks every night...”
• 70:25 – Frank’s prideful park ambitions: “I would like to do no work...”

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Tone & Language

• Warm, conversational, self-deprecating, and irreverent.
• Mixes genuine vulnerability (Frank’s parenting stories) with the hosts’ typical New York–style sarcasm and mockery of themselves and each other.
• Often swings between heartfelt (“letting go” as a parent, crying at kindness) and totally absurd (“name a park after me for no work,” Gollum impressions).

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Takeaways

• Parenthood is both joyful and agonizing, especially on milestones.
• Letting go is a universal challenge for parents, even with all the silly or outrageous distractions in life.
• Kindness (giving the ball to a kid, caring for others) wins every time—and the world could use more of it.
• The Basement Yard is at its best when blending real emotion, nostalgia, and nonsense—making even crying at the airport or joking about parks into can’t-miss content.

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For more parenting tears, viral outrage, and lottery fantasies, listen to The Basement Yard #521 wherever you get your podcasts.

Transcript

[Frank Alvarez]

Welcome back to the basement.

[Joe Santagato]

Welcome back to the basement yard. How you doing, Frank?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's been a day.

[Joe Santagato]

It's been a day so far.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's been a day.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I just realized you're wearing a Rainforest Cafe shirt.

[Joey]

Sorta. It says Picky Boys Cafe. It was a whole.

[Frank Alvarez]

Enjoy the lawsuit.

[Joe Santagato]

What are you doing?

[Frank Alvarez]

They're coming after you for that one, my friend. Get this guy. Did they? Well, I guess they. They're like on the way out the Rainforest Cafe. So they're probably.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, he's keeping them fucking.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. You're single handedly, if anything.

[Joey]

Yeah, they should thank me.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

When we were in Vegas, I passed by one in the. In the tax. In the Uber and I was just. I sent a picture to him and he's like, I would go with you a hundred times over.

[Joe Santagato]

A hundred.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, like, I'm just down. I just. Is it like. It's. It's just. It's just like a. Fridays, right? Like a TGI Fridays.

[Joey]

Yeah, but like way cooler because of the leaves.

[Frank Alvarez]

Fake leaves.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And because every like 30 minutes they play thunder and lightning and water sounds. Yep. Do they?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that's the idea of the rainforest part of it.

[Joe Santagato]

That makes sense.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it's just like cheap looking like, I'd rather go to a Chuck E. Cheese, brother.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, this is a horrible battle.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why?

[Joe Santagato]

I'd rather go to hell than both.

[Frank Alvarez]

One of them probably is like, hell. You figure out which one. Yeah. It's been a. It's been a. It's been a day.

[Joe Santagato]

Why?

[Frank Alvarez]

It was. I mean, you know why. It was Ruby's first day of school.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I did wait. I got text this morning from you and Greg.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was also. Yeah, it was Greg's daughter's first day of. Of school, but yeah, this was like her first. First.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it was a tough day for daddy.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. You were out there just. Just letting it go. Crying. Was she crying?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, No, I held it together until I got in the car.

[Joe Santagato]

Because the car on the way there or way home.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, which way? A little bit of both got started. I woke up, I went, you know, I went to the gym. And then it started the second I got home from the gym because I was just thinking like, oh, fuck, you know, happened today. And then I set up. I don't know if you guys have seen this, but like a lot of people have been doing this thing where like kids will go to their first day of school and parents will set up their like action figures and they're like waving by send them off. To send them off.

[Joe Santagato]

All right, you know what? It. I don't talk about this.

[Frank Alvarez]

Never mind.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So, okay.

[Joey]

It's gonna be one of those.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's gonna be one of those.

[Joe Santagato]

I can't imagine. So, like. Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

So I didn't do all that, but I set them up to have breakfast with her.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, you.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it was like toys that were, like, the first toys she's ever played with.

[Joe Santagato]

Fuck you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it was. It was. It was a tough one.

[Joe Santagato]

So it was like, oh, we're all here.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it was like. And I did, like, the ones that, like, they're here to be. To help you be brave. And it was like Spider man and Batman and Mike Wazowski and some of her dolls and stuff. Superheroes. And then Mike Wazowski. Yeah. And Sully was there. Yeah. The Bluey family was there. The healers, as they're called.

[Joe Santagato]

So she had breakfast.

[Frank Alvarez]

She had excited, bro. She was pumped. Yeah, she was pumped. I. I've been, like, dreading it for a while, but she's been ready for a while. Like, she has been so ready to go to school. Like, she's like, I want to make friends. I want to learn. I want to meet my teacher. She's been ready, but we haven't.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, Becca and I were not ready.

[Joe Santagato]

You're so worried about the kids crying and you don't think about.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, bro, the way that I think about it, and I'm gonna try to get through this sentence as best as I can, is she is the most pure, innocent, kind hearted little kid.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And, like, the idea. Fucking. God damn it. Four minutes in, we got this. The idea of sending her into the world and, like, the world possibly not being kind to her is terrifying to me.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because, like, I think is you as a parent, like, they're yours. So, like, you. You. You literally and figuratively hold them close. Oh, that's a bad. And, like, you protect them. But, like, like, you. There's a little bit of letting go that you have to do.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not cool with that.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. That must be really hard. Nah, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

And last night, it. God, we were on the way back from my brothers because we went for the rehearsal dinner and we're in the car and we're like, ruby, are you so excited? She's like, yeah, you know, I want to learn. Blah, blah, blah. And then she goes, I'm sad about Maeve. Like, why are you sad about Maeve? And she's like, who's Maeve gonna Play with when I'm gone, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Fucking God. Jesus.

[Frank Alvarez]

So I'm not, like, in that moment. What'd you say? I. I kept quiet. I kept quiet.

[Joe Santagato]

She's like, dad, hold on.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just give me a minute. I let Mommy handle that one.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

She was like, maeve won't know what to play. Who's she going to play with? And I was like, fuck, yeah. Just like, the idea of, like, in that moment, she just thought about, like, her sister.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And, like, is she going to be okay? Like, she knew she was going to be okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

And she was just like, this is, like, my best friend. Like, is she.

[Joe Santagato]

It's so nice, too, like, with children, when you can get to a point where there's examples of this, it just take it out, Shoot it. Not the children, the heart. I don't know if the camera was on.

[Joey]

Yeah, let's put the camera on that one.

[Frank Alvarez]

The camera on that one.

[Joe Santagato]

But when you have moments where you're like, oh, I'm doing a good job because my daughter is in this moment, that's, like, about her, but she's thinking about someone.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, just like, that's like such a. That's not a child's mentality. You know what I mean? Like, that's like, that's. That's a. Or a level of emotional maturity you don't expect, or at least I don't expect from a four and a half year old.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, like, in that moment. And, like, she didn't say this because for whatever reason, but, like, she wasn't. Like, she didn't. I wonder, like, is she thinking about, like, me and Becca and Miles and stuff like that? Like, is she worried about how we're going to be? But, like, her first thought to just be like, this is my sister. We play together every day.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is she going to do?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is.

[Joe Santagato]

Dude, so you dropped her off?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, we got it, you know, like, we got her ready. Got it. She was so excited, dude. Like, she. She wore a special. Like, she wore the dress she wanted.

[Joe Santagato]

She. She had a bow.

[Frank Alvarez]

She had a bow. We got a problem on our hands. She had those signs. That's like, first day of school. Oh, I loved it.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm a big fan of those signs.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, children now when they go to.

[Joe Santagato]

School is like, first of all, they were just like, send us to school.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I got sent Goosebumps lunchbox. And it was like, get out of my head.

[Joe Santagato]

The. Out of there. Walk there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, We've Become our parents. Now we're. That's our version of I've walked 20 miles uphill to get to school. Disgusting. Yeah. But they have the signs now that say, like, here's my name, here's my teacher's name, here's what I want to be when I grew up.

[Frank Alvarez]

So it was said, you know, my name is Ruby. It's my first day of pre K. Yeah. I am four years old. And then it said, I love school.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

She had never been to school. And then it said, I want to be popular when I grow up. I want to be blank when I grow up.

[Joe Santagato]

And she wrote Popular. It's amazing.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I, I think she did that because she loves, like, she loves the song Popular from the Wicked movie.

[Joe Santagato]

Ah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So, like, I wonder if she sees like a pink princess like Ariana Grande and was like, I want to be that. She always says, like, I want to be a princess or something like that.

[Joe Santagato]

Say, I just want to be popular, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dropping her off. I gotta say kudos to the school because, like, the moment you walk in, they're like, we're taking the kid. Like, they're like, rip the band aid off. They don't let. Because I'm sure there is a science to like, I'm getting through this pretty good. I'm actually pretty surprised. There's a science to, like, if you let them wallow in it, if you let the family sit in it a little bit, it gets harder. And so it's like, rip the band aid. Take them in, let them, let them go and do their thing.

[Joe Santagato]

They're probably doing that for you guys too, I imagine. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

But you know, Maeve, Maeve was a little upset, but it was because there was like a playground outside and she wanted to go on the playground. No. Miles was surprisingly, like, emotional.

[Joe Santagato]

Uh huh.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then Becca was good. She held it together. Daddy. Daddy's voice. We knew that was happening. Daddy's voice was cracking. Have a good day at school. Yeah. I sat, like, I sat with her and I just, like, I hugged her and I, you know, I said, you know, basically just, you know, go enjoy yourself. Be brave. Make, you know, do what you, you know, a combination of stuff like that. And I knew, I think in that moment I knew I had to hold it together because I think if she saw me upset, she'd get upset.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So then when we got to the car, it was good night.

[Joe Santagato]

A grenade of emotion.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was firing him off.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, to the point where I'm driving and Becca's like, You good? Are you okay?

[Joe Santagato]

Maybe I should drive.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pull over. Like, bro, the idea of like, you, like the love for a child is unlike anything in the world I actually heard. I'm gonna give credit where credit is due. Sal Volcano from. From Impractical Jokers. He put it the best way I've ever heard it put about having kids. He's like, yo, you have kids at 35, let's say, what do you think it feels like you just out of nowhere, 35 years of living, you just feel a new emotion that you've never felt before.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You've never felt before. And it's so fucking intense. And like the love for children. And you guys will see it if and when you have children. And then the idea of like, you need to. Because that's part of life. Right. Is like you need to let them go a little bit.

[Joe Santagato]

I think that's why it's so hard for certain parents to like you. Sometimes you have, you meet people and they have very over overbearing parents. And it's probably because of exactly what you're saying. Like, it's a necessary part to. You have to allow your kid to make mistakes and whatever. Like, that's just a part of it. You have to let them do things that are wrong. And it's so hard because you're like, you feel like, I know all the answers.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bingo.

[Joe Santagato]

But you don't because the world changes. And by the time that they're teenagers, it's like, you know the answers back then.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

But imagine your parents trying to be.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, over your shoulders. It's also to me though, like, a heartbreaking realization that you have to allow the world to kind of harden your children.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, that is sad because, like, you think of like the hurt that you've gone through in your life, whether it be as an adult, as a kid, you know, because when you're a kid, it's little things, you know, someone takes your juice box or some like. But like, the fact that you need to experience that to become tougher or, or better on the parents.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is misery. Because, like, that's hard. Like, as a parent, your. Your natural instinct is you want to help, you want to heal, you want to fix. So like, the fact that you kind of have to just. Yeah, that sucks. Yeah, that sucks.

[Joe Santagato]

I imagine that's very difficult.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't like it. Call it what you want, whether it be selfish or what. I am completely fine with like the idea of like, I get, I get helicopter parents now and I really don't Try to be one. And I don't think I am one. But like, I get it.

[Joe Santagato]

Is that they like always hovering.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, they're always there, always hovering. They fall, they run over. Oh, you know.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, the kids fall. I give it a beat, see if they're good, you good, you know, if not, I, you know, I, but like, I get it. Yeah, I get it entirely. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

It's tough cuz it's like you feel like this is the right thing, like I should be there for my kid. But then it's also like the argument of if you try to fix every single one of their problems, you're kind.

[Frank Alvarez]

Of, you're doing them a disservice.

[Joe Santagato]

You're hindering their ability to self cope and you know, figure things out for themselves, which ultimately they will need later in life, obviously.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then like, because I, you know, although Miles is not my biological son, like I don't remember having this visceral, visceral of a reaction when he went to daycare. It could be because he's not my biological son. It could be also though, because like, at least my mentality might get a little political. Here is the world is he's a boy not always kind to women.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And like this is this porcelain doll of a daughter that I have.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And like I'm going to put her into the world that like may or may not be kind to her. Specifically to women by other brothers. I'm telling, I'm not even kidding. Becca and I were talking about it before I came in today. Like if we were to find out a boy's bullying her, I was like, yo, I'm going to be one of those parents. I'm going to go down to the school and I'm going to raise hell. Of course, like, like I'll be whatever the male version of a Karen is, a Gary. I'll be. Here comes Gary as Gary and I'll fucking raise hell and just be like, yo, I'm not fudgeing dealing with this. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

That, that is not the, that's not where you want to. Around at all. Yeah. I mean that, that's, that's very tough. But I think there is a difference. When you have boys and you have girls, like girls, at least I guess as fathers, like if you have a daughter, I would be way more protective of like a daughter than a son. Because a son is kind of like, you know, obviously you want, you don't want your son to be bullied. Like, that's not, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, no, absolutely.

[Joe Santagato]

I just think that more of an innocence, I guess. I feel like it's hard to explain.

[Frank Alvarez]

And this might be, like, maybe a little too intense of a mentality to take, but, like, the approach that I kind of bring to it is just, like, you want to teach a boy to be a good man, and you want to teach a girl how to spot bad ones, if that makes any sense. Like, you're basically being. You're teaching a boy to. To be. Not bad. Evil.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, and a girl to spot that. And, like, one of those is scarier because, like, you could teach a. Like, this is. It's not coming out the way that I'm envisioning in my head right now, but, like, it's easier to spot. Like, the only way you could spot the bad versions of it if you're exposed to it. You know what I mean? Like, you can teach. There's just more risk with girls, at least the way that I think about it. You know what I mean? Like, in terms of, like, the world being kinder to them. Like, it's just more risky because you can only control so much.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And I also, like, you know, I think that men probably get away with more than. Than women do also. So, I mean, it's very important to, you know, raise good men because there are dudes. Like, dudes can abuse the system. Not saying that women can't either, but they have less of an opportunity than men do. Like, men are in a lot of important positions in the world. So, like, if you raise a bad dude or if they just become a bad dude or whatever the case is, like, that is a giant. That could be a giant, like, a negative thing to happen to, like, a bunch of people.

[Frank Alvarez]

I also think, like. And this might be just like, too much of a, like, black and white way of thinking about it, but, like.

[Joe Santagato]

What happened?

[Frank Alvarez]

I love how we got to this.

[Joe Santagato]

She's going to pre K. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Where they're coloring all day. Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

But I get it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I get. Kindergarten's gonna be tough. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

First grade's gonna be tough.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, she's getting in there. All right, let's sit down at the board meeting.

[Frank Alvarez]

But, like, I think, like, statistically, like, women are more likely to be victimized by men than the opposite. You know what I mean?

[Joe Santagato]

Like, yeah, I mean, that.

[Frank Alvarez]

That feels right. I don't know the statistics of someone.

[Joe Santagato]

To go crazy with the stats, whatever, but, like, that.

[Frank Alvarez]

It feels right in my head. I'm. I'm. I'm. It just feels like more Of a, like, innocence.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it. And it. It was fucking heartbreaking. And I don't. I didn't know. I held it together. She didn't see me upset. I was on the way here. She's only doing two half days right now. She did great. She was happy. Said they had a great day. I was like, how? What do you guys do? She's like, daddy, I don't remember. I'm like, okay, but tough morning?

[Joe Santagato]

Stop asking me, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, basically, yeah, don't even.

[Joe Santagato]

You're. You're not cool enough to know. I'm very popular, by the way. I've gotten my wish.

[Frank Alvarez]

She. Oh, my God. It's. And I. I'm not worried about Maeve. I know I will be worried and it'll be emotional with Maeve, too. But, like, if someone, like, if someone were to take something from Ruby.

[Joe Santagato]

Feel bad for the teacher, probably.

[Frank Alvarez]

If someone. Let's use this as an example. If someone were to take something from Ruby, Ruby would let them take it. Not tell anyone, but be upset about it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

If someone were to take something from Maeve, Maeve would walk over, take it, throw them to the ground.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then stomp away happily about it.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, so, like, it just depends. Curb that.

[Joe Santagato]

See, I think that's the biggest thing too. Like, it really depends, like, how your child is too. Because, like, my nephew Mikey's, like, such a sweetheart, so the idea of, like. But he's like a bigger dude, so you're not really, like, worried.

[Frank Alvarez]

But a bigger dude about a five year old, but, like, compared to kids. I know, I know. It's just a funny way to partner.

[Joe Santagato]

To bully, like, a bigger kid. But, like, the idea of, like, someone doing something, he's just like, oh, that makes me upset, you know, and it's like, fucking punch this dude's lights out. Obviously, you're not teaching your kids.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, no, no.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, a part of you is like, dude, stand up for yourself. But, like, that's not how, you know, like, in the house, it's like, this is your sister. You're not gonna push your sister. You're not gonna, like, you're gonna go over to your mom, be like, that made me upset, you know?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it's.

[Joe Santagato]

It's tough day for Frank.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was tough. It was tough. Oh, and immediately put on, like, sentimental music when I got in the car.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, you wanted to.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I wanted to turn it. I wanted to sit in it. Dude.

[Joe Santagato]

I love crying and then crying, like, hard cry. Yeah. If I'm going, like, If I'm a little emotional and like something's getting me a little bit, I'm like, let's take this to the moon and cry.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but see, hard crying driving is tough though, because you can't really let loose.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I do it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Driving.

[Joe Santagato]

Hell yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's dangerous, dude. That's like driving. That's not. I'm not even gonna say it. That's dangerous, dude.

[Joey]

Drunk. I think.

[Frank Alvarez]

I.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I do it like his music. Music. Sometimes I can like get in my head and like, just make myself cry from like certain things.

[Joey]

What intensity of cry can you get in a car?

[Joe Santagato]

I can. No, I haven't cried like that in a while. When I'm talking about like crying though, it's like tears. Like actual tears coming down.

[Joey]

Like strong tears coming down.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, what the hell was that?

[Joey]

Driving?

[Joe Santagato]

Holding on to the.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I. I was like. He was just like. I thought he was tears coming down. I thought it was some anime thing. Cuz I know how much you're into it. Like, I cry tears, senpai.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, no, I can get myself going. I've done it in the car a bunch of times on planes. Pretty much every time. I've told you guys that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Planes. I don't think I've cried maybe once or twice on planes.

[Joe Santagato]

Long flights. Like, if the flight is over five hours, there is a chance that at some point I get welled up just for no reason. I don't know. It's weird.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, not me.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll do it just to like do it.

[Frank Alvarez]

The airports, like when I'm like waiting to get on a flight and I see like, if I'm coming home and I like, extra miss the kids and Becca and I see like a mom with the kids or something like that. I have to look down. I can't look at it. I can't. I can't. Because it's. It's just like, you know. Yeah, it's just like right there in.

[Joe Santagato]

Front of you, dude. You know what I've noticed that's made me. That makes me cry so much as people. When they're so happy that they cry kills me.

[Frank Alvarez]

So happy that they cry.

[Joe Santagato]

Like when, like a. You know, they're waiting at the airport with a sign and they finally show up and fucking. They just like embrace each other. Yeah, it's like surprising people with something and they get so happy that it's weird.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like there's like an age bracket of like crying that gets me emotional. Like old bastards, old people crying.

[Joe Santagato]

That gets me crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

That gets me Going. Because there's power behind those tears.

[Joe Santagato]

Old people just sitting alone. Boom.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I think just old people.

[Joe Santagato]

No, cuz I don't like them. Oh, See, like, old people, once they start being old at you, I'm like, all right.

[Frank Alvarez]

Once they start, like, you know, like, you know, back in my day. Kids. You kids.

[Joe Santagato]

Exactly. But, like, if I. I saw a video once of a girl driving by somewhere, and there was an old guy sitting on, like, a bench with his dog next to him, and I was like, I'm gonna lose my mind right now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really? Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Old people with dogs gets me. Especially when the dogs are also old.

[Joe Santagato]

Old men talking about how much they love their wife.

[Joey]

That pass.

[Joe Santagato]

Hell yeah. Ruins me. Hell, yeah. Fucking old bastards. Those make me cry like crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. The one where it was just.

[Joe Santagato]

You ever see the fucking. This is my kryptonite. There was a video of a. Of a soldier coming home to his daughter. To his daughter, who's like three or something. And she. She sees him and she's in class, and she starts running over to him.

[Frank Alvarez]

She goes, oh, Daddy, yes.

[Joe Santagato]

Video murdered me, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. No, I've seen the ones where she's like, daddy, I missed you.

[Joe Santagato]

Nah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, dude. Every time I come home from one of the shows, Maeve gives me the biggest husband. She goes, you came home.

[Joe Santagato]

What the hell?

[Frank Alvarez]

She knows what she's doing. She knows what she's doing, dude. It gets me every single time. Any of those soldier coming home ones get me if there's little kids involved, turn me into sashimi and eat me on a Tuesday. 14.

[Joe Santagato]

14. Yeah, dude, those are. Those are fucked up. I saw another one where it was like. There was a. It was like a football. A football. One of the captains walked out, and they were, like, shaking hands with the captains, but then guy took his helmet off and he. And it was his dad.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, the soldier. We know. We've already spoken about this a million times. The soldiers. One gets me, but you're right when it's like old, sad, old people. Yeah, that gets me where it's just like, we were together 70 years. She's loving my life, loving my life forever, you know? And then, like, that gets me because.

[Joe Santagato]

You know me, man.

[Joey]

Did you see the audition tape of the guy who played the kid from ET Talk like, yeah, he's good.

[Joe Santagato]

You can see the audition tape of the kid.

[Frank Alvarez]

How would I have. How and when and where would I have seen the audition tape? It, like, it was like.

[Joey]

It just went viral recently. And I was watching I was like, that got me. I'm like, damn, the kid was good.

[Joe Santagato]

Good.

[Joey]

He got it right on the spot.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's literally.

[Joe Santagato]

The guy goes, congratulations, kids. You got it at the audition.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, dude, it was the guy.

[Frank Alvarez]

His name is Spielberg, idiot.

[Joe Santagato]

Was it Steve?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. Was it Steve? Stevie Spee, the guy? Yeah, the. One of the most prolific directors.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know if it was a casting director. I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

It probably was a casting director, but. No, yeah. No, I. I don't like if it. I. We spoke about it recently on an episode where it's just like, old people finding out their, like, grandson or granddaughter is named after them. It's just like, nah, man.

[Joe Santagato]

I see. I like crying, though. That's.

[Frank Alvarez]

My mom just had. My. My new niece is named after her.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, God, your mom must have lost it. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then, you know, she would have turned into a show, too. I'd be like, nance, calm down.

[Joe Santagato]

Nance used to get after it. Every New Year. She'd cry her eyes out.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, every New Year's.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

She put on a show yesterday at my brother's rehearsal dinner.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I imagine she was like.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I'm like, mom. And she'd be like, what? Like, in a split second, you know, I'd be like, take it. Take it easy.

[Joe Santagato]

And she'd be like, you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Oh, fuck you. Sorry for crying. Oh, oh, oh, I'm not allowed. I'm not allowed. Not allowed to show any emotion. Fuck you. And then she'd go, hey, Frank. Hey, Frank. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I wish I had a dollar for every time your mom gave me the finger. Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, then you'd have another billion dollars.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, speaking of old goddamn broads.

[Joe Santagato]

Were we on all goddamns.

[Frank Alvarez]

We were talking about old people. Yeah. You know this old broad at the baseball game.

[Joe Santagato]

Huh? Let me get to the ads first before we get into that. Yeah, yeah, because that really. That really pissed me off.

[Frank Alvarez]

That bagged your piss.

[Joe Santagato]

What was that? All right, so we have some sponsors, the first one being Hungry Root. Okay? Hungry Root. It's lovely. It's like half my own personal shopper. Okay? They take care of the weekly groceries. They recommend healthy groceries tailored to your taste. I've used them a couple times. It's lovely. Okay. They. They. They go out there like, you know, you tell them what kind of groceries you usually buy, and then they go out there and they find high quality, nutritious food. But any diet that you have, I'm not that picky when it comes to groceries, so. I don't have a lot of notes but if you, you know, you want to go on an anti inflammatory diet or you're like keto or something like that, or low calorie, whatever the case is, then they will go out and shop for you and get those things for you. They make it very stress free, it's very simple and they have options for the whole family. But yeah, so definitely go check out Hungry Hungry Root. There's no high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners or preservatives in any of their food. They only source top quality meat and seafood free of hormones and antibiotics. And that's why I like using them because at least you know, you're getting the top quality stuff. But yeah, with the kids going back to school, you know, you takes a little time to get back into the swing of things. So they have Hungry Roots Kids snacks section. It offers a variety of snacks you can easily throw into lunch boxes or anything like that for all you parents out there. And yeah, you're going to love Hungaroop as much as I do. Take advantage of this exclusive offer. For a limited time, you get 40% off your first box. Plus you get a free item in every box for life. Okay, go to hungryroot.com basement and use the code basement. That is hungryroot.com basement and the code is basement to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Okay, that is hungryroot.com basement and that code basement. So you guys can use them and don't just take my word for it. All right, so go check them out. Hungryroot. We also have this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy. It's customized. You can do it however many times a month that you want. You can do it every week or bi weekly, whatever the case is, or kind of do it sporadically. But I recommend therapy to everyone. You know, there's a lot of people out there that still there's this stigma around therapy or they feel like, well, I don't have anything traumatic going on in my life. I like to say that it's kind of like going to the gym for your brain. You know, it's nice to have someone who's unbiased. You can kind of put all your stuff on and just talk about what you're feeling. You know, for me personally, sometimes I go into sessions, I don't even know what I'm going to talk about. But eventually you get to a point and you know Just kind of keep talking and it's, it's nice and it helps you kind of organize your life and thoughts and, and whatnot, especially if you have traumatic things going on or things that you struggle with. It's very helpful for that as well. But the best part about better help is, you know, it's, it's more affordable than in person therapy that is very expensive for people and sometimes that prices people out. They would like to do therapy, but it's too expensive. But with better help, it is a fraction of the cost. And we'll also save our listeners 10% off of their first month with betterhelp by going to betterhelp.combaseManyard okay, so go to betterhelp.combaseMAnyone and you will save 10% off of your first month. And yeah, so if you wanted to get into the, if you wanted to get into therapy, this is a great way to do that. And we also have another one here. We have hims. Okay? Hims. It offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments with ingredients that work, including chews, oral medications, serums, and sprays. So a lot of guys out there, they're losing their hair, you know, early in life and. Or maybe you're worried about losing your hair and you'd like to just, you know, get ahead of it. But these are doctor trusted, clinically proven ingredients that can stop hair loss and help regrow hair in as little as three to six months. So there's no hidden fees, no surprise costs or anything like that. It's basically like, you know, hims is like your digital front door. So. Yeah. So for a simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, ED, weight loss, and more, visit hims.combasement okay, that is hims.combasement for your free online visit. That is hims.com baseman Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride. Prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions and important safety information.

[Frank Alvarez]

Listen up, folks. It's the fall, so you know what that means. Staying inside, being cozy, maybe back to school. I don't know what you're doing with your life, but whatever you're doing, allow the basement yard to be a part of it. We tell you guys every single week about the best way to help us out and get more of us, and that's with Patreon. Patreon.com the Basementyard. You can go to that website and you could sign up today. There's different tiers. You get that first Tier, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. Okay. And that second tier, well, that's where the juices start flowing, baby. So let's see a zucchini because these roots are nutrient dense.

[Joe Santagato]

All right. What was that?

[Frank Alvarez]

So beside it for that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So you can get a new episode of the Basement yard every Monday and every and then an exclusive Patreon only episode for those tier two members every single Friday. And then with Santa Gata Studios videos right there in the middle. There's so much of the basement yard in Santa Gata Studios to go around. You get a little bit of this, a little bit of that. So go check it [e-mail] the Basementyard, your guys support has pushed us to over 35,000 paid patrons. It's unbelievable. We are so gracious, so appreciative. It is one of the biggest reasons that we are getting the opportunity to do these, these shows, to do these videos and trying to make it. So we're giving you guys the best possible content, videos, entertainment that you could ask for. So thank you again. And if you want to sign up for Patreon and save yourself a couple bucks while you're doing it, listen, Q4 is here. The holidays are rapidly approaching. Save yourself a couple bucks, go to your web browser and type in patreon.com the basementyard and sign up. That way if you use a smartphone app, it's going to charge you a little bit extra because these apps, these people have to pay the people that do this and that. And don't worry about that, it's a headache and it gets your, your tussle all in a bustle, you know what I'm saying? So go to patreon.com thebasevineyard on a web browser, you could sign up and save yourself a couple bucks. Now, as I said earlier, we're doing these live shows, we're killing it. Honestly, I don't mean to break myself patting myself on the back, but here's my arm and here's my back and I've hurt my arm on my back, okay? And if you want to try to come to any of our shows, if you go to the basementyard.com, look around, poke around, fart around. May I say don't fart. I hate that. And you might find that there are tickets still available near you or if you want to make a trip out of it, go check it out. But if you go to thebasemanyard.com right there on that front page. You'll see links for the upcoming shows. Check it out. Now. If you're a dirty little nasty whore and you've already bought tickets to any of these shows, go to the basementyard.com submit there's a portion of our shows where people write in responses to crazy stories or interesting facts or what have you. And we put it on the cards and sometimes we pick you and we could talk to you, about you, with you. It's really fun. It's interactive. Some of the best parts of these shows have come from those card sections. So make sure you go to thebasementyard.com submit. Submit your responses. Let us know what show you're coming to. Submit the responses. And you never know, maybe we'll talk with you. It's. It's been an absolutely incredible part of the show. It's so much fun. So the reason it's fun is because of you. So go check it out. All right. Thank you, guys. We love you guys. I don't remember what I said about that zucchini thing, but I think that was a pretty. We might make that a line, right? Ipso facto, I make it a line and it becomes a big one.

[Joe Santagato]

What was this, a kidney thing?

[Frank Alvarez]

Something about nutrient dense roots?

[Joey]

Self praise. Better than no praise.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hell yeah, baby. That's what I'm talking about. Self love. It's good love.

[Joe Santagato]

It's good love.

[Frank Alvarez]

Good love. Yeah. So about this dumb old white broad.

[Joe Santagato]

Here's what I'll say about this woman, the haircut.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, she's not doing it.

[Joe Santagato]

Listen, she's really fulfilling a stereotype here. It's her prophecy. If you're going to have that hat, you're going to yell. It's going to happen.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, here's the thing. Karen has become such a big like thing that, like white women, you. You need to protect yourself.

[Joe Santagato]

It's a disease.

[Frank Alvarez]

It is a disease.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

God damn it.

[Joe Santagato]

Being a Karen is a disease.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know the haircut, dude. You know the haircut and you know the way, you know the self entitlement. You know, the, you know, the, you know, delusions of grandeur.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like it's you, you know these things. So why do you contribute to it?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know. But there was a woman who basically took a baseball from a child at a Phillies game. Just play the video and then, and then we'll kind of talk about it. We'll get into the rules of.

[Joey]

So it's a little. It replays like a little bit, but the whole thing's here.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, Give It a second. Yeah, so. See her haircut? You know what I'm saying? Like, not good. Everyone's just kind of.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I gotta say this.

[Joe Santagato]

The dad looks a little afraid here. Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

Scanning.

[Joe Santagato]

She went marching off, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not a good look for the dad. I will say that if someone taps on you at a game and.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah, that's a little.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's not a great look for him.

[Joe Santagato]

The.

[Joey]

The being scared here or whatever that was.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I don't know. I'm very confused by that. Here's what happens, right? So a ball gets hit into the stance. Now, when a ball usually gets hit into the stands at a baseball game, everyone's scrambling for this ball. They want the ball. The rules are, there's no rules, okay? You don't hit anybody, but everyone's grabbing for this thing. It's kind of like a fumble, okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pretty much like whoever gets palm on ball first, it's there. They've basically got it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, but you gotta pull it to you. If you've got the ball like this and you catch it like that and there's a bunch of hands around and someone pulls it out of your hand, it's their ball.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, Dad, I disagree with that. I. That I disagree with. If you. As soon as ball and palm make contact.

[Joe Santagato]

No way. Because it hits the hand, it could fall out.

[Frank Alvarez]

But. Okay, so make. Like you need. What do they say in football? You need a football move? Once. Once you get the closing and it's, like, in your hand, once you've wrapped your sausage fingers around it, it's yours.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't. I don't agree. I think that if, like, you. If the ball's being hit in the air, right, and everyone's jumping up for the ball and you get it in your hand like this, and you're still in this motion. If you have it, if you're like, yeah. If you can celebrate with it, then it's your ball. But if it's, like, in that motion and people are going for it and.

[Frank Alvarez]

You lose it, you lost the best version of this that I've ever seen. Did you ever see when. When Barry bonds hit the 756 home run?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was a dude from Queens who caught it and just went like, a fucking, like, thundercat.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. You can't rob anyone once they have it. That's why if you grab it, you're supposed to pull it in.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, you're supposed to. And it's. There is a respect of just like, all right, this. You give up at that. All right. They got it.

[Joe Santagato]

But if it. A lot of the times what happens is it'll land in a spot where no one caught it. So it's on the ground and. And everyone's making a mad dash for it. And sometimes a bunch of hands get on it, but it's whoever pulls it out of there that gets. Yeah, that's kind of what happened here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, no, in the video, which it wasn't in this video, but I saw the, like, the OG OG it. She's on the, like the aisle above where the ball lands. So it hits and it rolls down onto a new level.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then at that point, the dad scoops it up. Uncontested, by the way it looked like it looks for it too.

[Joe Santagato]

Can you. I think.

[Joey]

I think I have it here.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, pull it up, cuz. Like, they. They were like both there. It was below her. It was like the seat below.

[Frank Alvarez]

So look, she's in the aisle and it goes below.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And he snags it and it goes under the seats and he got it. And look, takes it excited. Gives it to his kid.

[Joe Santagato]

Gives it to his kid.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then.

[Joey]

Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

And she's like, hey, that was my ball, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

It's a fucking baseball also, bro. Here's another rule that I have for you people out there. If you're at a baseball game and you catch a foul ball, give it to a child.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Give it to a fucking child, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

It's like a. Like a. Worth them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, no foul ball is worth anything.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, that was a home run.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that was. If it was like a. Like a valuable home run. Like. Yeah, like when Judge hit it or like Jeters 3000 or bonds like that, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Give it to a child.

[Frank Alvarez]

Give it to a child. You know how pumped they're gonna be? Yeah, that's gonna be like, that might be the moment. They're just like, yo, I want to become a baseball player when I become older. And like, you're etched in their memory is like, this person did this kind thing for me. Like, that video is everything that I feel is fucking wrong with the world right now. Like, this woman felt a sense of like, fucking like, it's mine because it landed in front of me and someone else. Like, fuck you. Yeah, dude, this woman sacrifice the body.

[Joe Santagato]

You gotta dive down there. You want it? You want it? Betsy, put the body on the line.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dive over. Have we. I'm sure the Internet and I'm not gonna ask this for, like, I don't want to ask this question because I'm sure This woman is probably getting bullied.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, she's getting her. Yeah, she's getting torched, whatever.

[Frank Alvarez]

But just, just, just, just like you're this. And she's clearly like in her mid to late 50s, you would say maybe early 60s.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

She's. She's.

[Joe Santagato]

I think that's a dye job, dude. I think she, she has white hair.

[Frank Alvarez]

She's seen some stuff. Give the ball to the kid.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. That to me is insane. Like, it'd be one thing if you're gonna walk over to, like, you know, 27 year old dudes and be like, what the fuck? But, like, there's a. It's in a child's glove.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it literally. So he goes over to his son, puts it in his son's glove. He's like hugging him like, I got you a ball. Isn't this so cool? He's a Phillies fan. The Phillies hit the home run and then this woman. He handled that. Well, I will say that I probably.

[Joe Santagato]

Would have done the same thing. He, he eventually gave her the ball. He was like, here, take the ball. And he went like this. He's like, like, get the out of here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, stop screaming at me. And my kids jokes on. What were you gonna say?

[Joe Santagato]

I feel like you wouldn't give the ball up.

[Joey]

Not that, but it'd be funnier if I'm like, this ball and threw it back. Launch it back.

[Frank Alvarez]

That. No, because then, Then everyone loses.

[Joey]

Cut the.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Cut the baby in half.

[Frank Alvarez]

But then everyone. But then everyone loses.

[Joey]

I'm fine with that.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, because I would rather. I'd rather my kid win.

[Joey]

Yeah, but if you hand it back. Well, he wound up winning because there's more to the story. But I'm saying in that moment, you handing it back, you are losing. I'd rather.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right.

[Joey]

If I have to lose every.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I think there's a level of high. Like, he took the high road.

[Joe Santagato]

She looks like a maniac.

[Joey]

A little bit.

[Frank Alvarez]

There have been people that have, like, put this into AI and made her into, like Gollum from Lord of the Rings where she's like, I prize, you know?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I. That was so dumb.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pretty poor, Pretty poor Gollum impression. I'm sorry about that.

[Joe Santagato]

It wasn't that bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can I try again? Go ahead.

[Joe Santagato]

And now a message from McAfee. Your package couldn't be delivered.

[Frank Alvarez]

You owe thousands in unpaid tolls.

[Joe Santagato]

You want a free gift. If texts like these sound familiar, McAfee can help. McAfee automatically identifies text and email scams as well as AI generated audio to help you stay safe. If they're faking it, they're not making it past us. Get award winning scam detection today. McAfee.com. keep it real.

[Frank Alvarez]

I need a precious. Someone give me like, what?

[Joe Santagato]

Wow.

[Frank Alvarez]

I stabbed my finger with that.

[Joe Santagato]

You okay?

[Joey]

I unclicked it. You should be all right.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it clicked in my finger.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

So I passed out. He's like, my precious.

[Joe Santagato]

It was.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was.

[Joe Santagato]

Than the first time.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really?

[Joey]

Yeah, I think so.

[Joe Santagato]

I think.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, really.

[Joey]

I really need that pen.

[Joe Santagato]

Literally on the back wall. So that's as far as go get that pen now. Wow. That's crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was a little nuts. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, you kind of get it, Mr. Bitch.

[Joey]

You kind of good boyed me now I can't get it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, no, no. I'm sorry. Sorry. You want me to get it for you during the next round of ads? I'll get it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, but you can't do this, bro. Like, I. I would be like, yo, you want it so bad? Take it from my son's glove. Then you man maniac.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ooh. Put her in the position that she needs to rip it from the kid's hands.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Like, take it.

[Frank Alvarez]

But you know, this woman has the idea of like, it was mine. I'm gonna. I don't care. You're making me be the bad guy. Take it from your son. I'll do it.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, no one agrees with you.

[Frank Alvarez]

I gotta say something. If this was my family. First of all, this woman's getting a verbal argument out of me. She's. Because he gave it up pretty quick.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

She's getting a. What? You dumb, dumb ass.

[Joe Santagato]

What would you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really? I almost went dumb. You dumb. What would you do, though?

[Joe Santagato]

If, first of all, if I'm in that situation and that woman comes storming up to me and she's using foul language. Look out. Oh, all bets are off.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm gonna be the biggest little in the world.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I'm gonna be. I'm saying some crazy. But she if, like, what would you do realistically? Like, really put yourself there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Don't be like, I'd flip.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, really? If. If you're at a baseball game and that happens, you get a ball, you give it to. To Miles, and your fucking daughters are there too.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo, it's Miles's.

[Joe Santagato]

But like, what do you do? You like, yo, just get out of here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Go the fuck away. Go away. At a certain point, if this woman is super intense, I'm going to look at Becca and be like, we're going to have to. You're going to have to start swinging because I'm not. You know, just like, if this woman starts, like, pushing and shit, that's when I step back and I let you know. Yeah, Old Freehold Becca will come through and she'll be like, squaring up with people. I'll be in the back, like, get her ass beat.

[Joey]

Yeah, she's old enough. She knows the golden rule of finders keepers.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, this woman sucks so bad. I think, like, you're like, here's the thing is, even though you got the ball, you took it from a child.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Like, how could you. Like, if I'm. How can you enjoy that if I'm her? I would. I would almost, like, have a moment. Like, if I'm mad enough that I'm.

[Frank Alvarez]

Going to walk over there and be.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, you took that from me. Blah, blah, blah. And then he takes it out of the kid's glove and gives it to me. There's no way I'm walking away with that because now I look like a maniac. Like, you don't have a come to Jesus moment of like, oh, shit, I just took this from a kid. And now everyone has seen that. Like, give it to the kid. But you're an asshole.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, you.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, if you want to do that, like, fine, but bro, you walk away with the ball is so.

[Frank Alvarez]

I feel like there is a certain. Because I love watching videos of, like, Karen's getting owned, you know what I'm talking about? Where, you know, like, the one that I love is settled down.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, my God, calm down.

[Frank Alvarez]

And. Or like, the one where, like, you know, white women, like old Karens, will, like, yell something at, like, a person of color and then turn around and fall on their face.

[Joe Santagato]

You ever see the video of the dude who, like, pulls up again, like, next to those girls and he's like, screaming, shit. And she goes, you're bald. And he goes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Say, no, the one that I love. And I actually think it might be fake because it kind of looks a little staged where, like, the girl, it's like an old woman, and she's like, that's my bag. I'm first in line. He's like, congrats, you're first in line at Chili's.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And she's like, I don't like your attitude. Yeah, I love that. I pray for someone to be a smart ass to me in public.

[Joe Santagato]

I really don't wish for that.

[Frank Alvarez]

So do you give. You said you would give the Ball back. If you're with your son, little what were your walrus. Walrus. If your son little walrus, you catch a home run ball of, of a team that he's a fan of.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, the only way I could see it being like, nah, that it's the kids ball. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I think that like it would be tough. I would, I would probably like try to put it in perspective for her being like, you're going to take the ball from the kid? Like, what are you doing?

[Frank Alvarez]

She probably, she probably said like, well, you took the ball from an old woman.

[Joe Santagato]

But I would get that. I'd be like, okay, if you think I'm an asshole, that's. That's one thing. Like, fine. Like I don't care. But like, you're literally gonna take this ball from him. Like, even if you caught the ball, you should give it to him. Like, that's what we do out here. Yeah. I think catch balls and we give them to the children.

[Frank Alvarez]

At this point in my life, it would need to be a really cool ball for me to not give it to a kid.

[Joe Santagato]

Judges home run. Like his record ball.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

So we're all on the same page here. This woman is wrong. Had that been judges home run record breaking home run ball. I will throw a foot. I will throw a high kick to anyone who's around for that ball.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can I ask you a question? Because this is a popular topic of conversation in the world of sports. Are you, are you selling that ball? Are you?

[Joe Santagato]

Danny makes fun of me forever for this. You may have been there as well. Who's making fun of me too?

[Frank Alvarez]

Are you giving it for free? Are you selling it? Are you holding on to it? Because like, this is a, like a lot of people have like differing opinions. People like, there are some people that are like, yo, it's Aaron judges ball. He worked for it. He could take it scot free. I'm pretty sure at one point in time that was my mentality.

[Joe Santagato]

Me too. Now at one point I said to Danny and Danny was like, you're a idiot. Because he was. I was like, I think it was Jeter's 3,000th hit. And I was like, I would give it to him like it's his ball.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like it's his whole career.

[Joe Santagato]

It's like this ball and like, I'm gonna hold on to it because I'm greedy and I need money. But I feel like I change my tune as you learn more about like, like if they want that ball, they're going to get it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, they're going to get that ball. I mean, here's the thing is if Aaron Judge were to hit, like, let's use that as an example. Aaron Judge broke the single season American League home run record a couple years ago.

[Joe Santagato]

Let's say the ball is worth $3 million.

[Frank Alvarez]

If Aaron. I'm more. If they. The Yankees organization.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Was like, we want the ball. I would first of all have a high ask.

[Joe Santagato]

What's your ask?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm. I'm getting season tickets for a number of years.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Several years.

[Joe Santagato]

You also have to go to the games, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't have to, but at least I get it.

[Joe Santagato]

Sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, I could go to the game.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, that's worth it to you.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know how much Yankee season tickets are? No, I know they're a couple hundred thousand.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Depending on where you are. Legend, suite, access. Like, I'm going to be like, yo, you're the Yankees blank check.

[Joe Santagato]

But that's never been what people have got.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know. Because they're just like, no. And then the people end up selling it on the, like the, at auction, basically for millions of dollars on end. And there have also been instances where people just give it to the athlete.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And the athlete won't do it. Like, maybe sometimes they'll be like, here's a signed jersey and a signed bat and whatever.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think the, the, the, the honest, moral. High. Moral person in me says give it to them. They earned it. The realistic person in me, though, the American.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Says hold that. Sell it for 5 million at auction, baby. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, I'm like, it's tough. It would be tough to. I think because we're in a blessed position to be doing the job that we're doing and we're paid well. I'm more, more inclined to just give it to them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

But like, for, for an athlete to expect someone who's sitting in, in the bleachers, who caught this home run, to not change their life with it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I would encourage that.

[Joe Santagato]

If I'm judged, be like, bro, you're gonna get $3 million for that ball, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it's just gonna be a baseball, you know, I'm taking. No matter what position I'm in, I'm taking $3 million. No, I know. I'm saying I'm in a very blessed position. I'm very, very well aware of that. I'm not in that blessed of a position. Well, I'm taking that $3 million maybe.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not saying that I would absolutely blah, blah, blah, it would also would have to be an athlete that I'm like. If it was a team that I'm not a fan of, you'd have to kill me for the ball.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, like, if it were, like, you caught, like, fucking.

[Joe Santagato]

If it was like a Jets touchdown, I'd be like, I'm keeping this fucking ball forever.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why would you have it? If they hand.

[Joey]

It's more like, how can they.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

No, like, they score a touchdown and.

[Frank Alvarez]

They give you the ball.

[Joe Santagato]

You.

[Frank Alvarez]

I see what you did there.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

Slimy. What?

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Joey]

What? The joke is they can't score.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's the joke. That's the joke. No, if it. Let's say if it were a home run hit by anyone who's. Let me be very clear.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm keeping it.

[Frank Alvarez]

If I went to, like, a Yankees Red Sox game or a Yankees, bro. If I went to a Yankees Astros game and I caught, like a historic Astro home run, I am going to be the dumbest little slimy worm for this ball. I'd be like, oh, yeah. Fold your whole team and admit your cheaters. You fuck. Admit it. Admit it, you slimy bastards. Like, I am going to be such a little prick about it. Yeah, same with the Red Sox. Red Sox. I'll just be like, you want it? Give me season tickets. And then they give it to me. And I'll be like, oh, I lost it in the river, you know, I just. I can't. I think the realistic thing to do is to ask for them, especially if it's like a big one. Like, who's gonna really want, like, the hundredth career home run of Jose Altuve? Yeah, but like, if it's.

[Joe Santagato]

If it's a record breaking home run, it's like, bro, you hold on to that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pull up the video of Barry Bond's historic home run. And the guy that. The guy, he was a dude from Queens that caught it. I think he's in a Mets jersey and he just throws. I watched it live, dude, and I was just like, yo, that guy's probably. At the time, I was just like, yo, he's probably gonna make, like a million dollars.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

If he had held on to that ball until today.

[Joe Santagato]

Forget it.

[Frank Alvarez]

5 million, 10 million probs.

[Joey]

I don't know if we're going to be able to, like, see the crowd, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, you can. You can see it right there in this one. Yeah, look.

[Joey]

All right, I got you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Mlb, please. We love you. Don't strike us. Look at that.

[Joe Santagato]

They definitely will.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yep. And then watch this. The guy throws his Arm up, right in the air. That's a crazy home run to catch to 756.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, and yeah, they're not going to show.

[Joey]

This is what I imagine.

[Joe Santagato]

The crowd demonetized now for no reason, whatever. But yeah, catching that ball, you're like, your life's changed. You're a millionaire now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but I'm sure. I'm sure Uncle Sam comes a knock and cares.

[Joe Santagato]

Still a millionaire.

[Frank Alvarez]

Saw someone won the 1.8 bills.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Did they? One person. Two.

[Joey]

Two.

[Frank Alvarez]

One in Texas, one in Missouri.

[Joey]

Wow.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, I bought a couple tickets.

[Joe Santagato]

Did you?

[Frank Alvarez]

You bought a couple tickets?

[Joey]

No, I was gonna, but then I forgot that.

[Frank Alvarez]

That mentality is so stupid to me.

[Joe Santagato]

What? Not my lotto tickets.

[Frank Alvarez]

In that situation. I don't buy a lotto tickets unless it's over a billion dollars.

[Joe Santagato]

What kind of rule is that?

[Frank Alvarez]

I just. It gets me excited.

[Joe Santagato]

You're like, maybe.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, because. And then all of my TikTok, like, fucking feed was just like, here's what to do if you win the mega million. Powerball.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

One sign the back of the car, take pictures with it. Photo. Like, if it's over a bill, I'll play under a bill. I'll be. I won't.

[Joey]

You have more chances under the bill.

[Joe Santagato]

I can't even imagine what you would be like after, like, winning that. Like, I feel like you would be so scared, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

You would be like, yo, I'm not going outside. Someone knocked on my door. It's like his mailman.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, but no serious thing. I don't think. I wouldn't tell a single soul. I've thought about this because I used to be like, yeah, I'd tell my friends and family. No one will know if you hit the.

[Joe Santagato]

The jackpot. Right? You. You immediately go into hiding. I wonder how it is.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, I don't know about.

[Joe Santagato]

Just wire it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know about hiding. I'm sure. I'm sure you have to give, like, where you want the money to end up and stuff like that. I don't know about hiding, but I am, like, for several months going to remain low. Like, not hiding, but, like, I really. If I were to tell people, because I really don't think I would. It would take a while.

[Joe Santagato]

So.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because they were. They were. They were saying like this. With the 1.8 billion, it was like, after original. After basically all the taxes and all the fees, it would be like $400 million. And then like the next year.

[Joe Santagato]

Hold on, What'd you say? 1.8 mm. It would be 400 million.

[Joey]

If you take lump. If you take lump, half of it immediately gone.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Joey]

And then.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then there's more income tax and stuff like that.

[Joey]

Lump is another like 40 gone.

[Frank Alvarez]

Or maybe that was when it was 1.1 I 400 makes.

[Joey]

No, I think it's around 7, let's say.

[Frank Alvarez]

So, like lump sum. I mean, look it up. You can find it.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, whatever. Let's call it 500 mil.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's call 500 million. You're. You will never work a day in your life if you chose not to, of course, as generational wealth forever. I mean, untaxed. If you put it in the market, you're getting 50 to 60 million dollars untaxed a year. Crazy. I really, really, really don't think I would tell a soul for a very long time because I would be afraid.

[Joe Santagato]

But what would you. But what. So what would you do with it?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I'm higher in security.

[Joe Santagato]

For.

[Frank Alvarez]

What the fuck you mean for what you're. Now you're in. You're almost a billionaire.

[Joe Santagato]

You just said no one knows.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know.

[Joe Santagato]

So, yeah, security.

[Frank Alvarez]

I guess the security will be.

[Joe Santagato]

I go to Frank's house. There's guards with guns. I'm like, what's this about? Nothing.

[Frank Alvarez]

There would be sides, like I said.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

What was it?

[Joey]

It's a 800 lump sum.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joey]

You saw 400 because it was two winners. It split.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, so basically, after taxes, it will probably be around 600.

[Joe Santagato]

I thought the taxes was.

[Joey]

I think. Yeah. I think that's what they walk away with. I think that's everything.

[Joe Santagato]

Taxes is the 50%.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's bananas.

[Joe Santagato]

$800 million. Crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

To just wake up to just, yo. In to go like this and you're a new person is crazy. I'm. I. I would have to. Like, I. We've. All the other times the jackpots have been this high. We've talked about this. I'm sitting down and having a couple drinks in quiet.

[Joe Santagato]

You would need to hire a lot of people to tell you what to do with your money. That's too much money.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, they say. They say that you. The first thing you should do is contact a lawyer and like a. Basically like a money.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Financial advisor.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then our financial advisor would be very happy. But, like, even that, like, what do you do as a financial advisor when you get that much money?

[Joe Santagato]

You diversify.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know, but I'm saying, like, I imagine, like, that's an intense amount of money to have in your control.

[Joe Santagato]

Sure. I mean, I. I think you do, like, a mix of things. I think it's a slow deployment of the funds. Like, obviously you could put some in the market. You're not gonna put all of it in the market, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, I would be.

[Joe Santagato]

You would buy real estate. You would buy.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's.

[Joey]

That's all nice. That. First month, I'm partying, dude. First month, I'm going crazy.

[Joe Santagato]

So what does that look like, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

To you for him? Twisted teeth, fountain shop, fucking funneled into his ass.

[Joey]

I'll be honest, it'll probably look about the same until I really realize I have all this.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then it'll be, oh, man, those parlays that you'll be throwing.

[Joey]

No, I can't. I can. I can.

[Frank Alvarez]

You would.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, there would be no reason to gamble if you have 800.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Like, you gamble to, like, you're trying to get that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I was gonna say, you're also a lot of people that are, like, gambling addicts say they didn't gamble to win. They gambled for the feeling of.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that's true.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, so, like, they're still going to gamble. It's just the amount they're gambling with is changing.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I. Dude, I would go live in, like, Europe somewhere or some.

[Frank Alvarez]

You just completely up and dip.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Thanks, man. I mean.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I would still do this. I would still do this.

[Frank Alvarez]

What about the people that earned a living?

[Joe Santagato]

No, no, no. I mean, obviously, like that, but I'm saying, like, you know, I know what you would do. Yeah, I would just kind of like, just.

[Frank Alvarez]

We would record one day a week.

[Joe Santagato]

10 episodes.

[Frank Alvarez]

10 episodes. And then you'd come in for that one day, fly from fucking Europe on your private jet. And then you'd go right back and live in a villa and. On the Amalfi coast.

[Joe Santagato]

Not there, but somewhere for sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, the. The aos.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, that would be nice.

[Frank Alvarez]

The Azores. Or Espana. Joy. Lovely. Live with Espana, where they don't even eat dinner until, like, midnight. Who says that? You never heard that?

[Joe Santagato]

I have, but I didn't say that.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like all. They always make fun of the people that, like, study abroad, where they come back and they're just like, 8:30. What?

[Joe Santagato]

That's.

[Frank Alvarez]

So we don't even eat dinner until, like, midnight, Dude.

[Joe Santagato]

I hate that, by the way.

[Frank Alvarez]

I hate that idea where it's like, tapas. Fuck tapas.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, I don't like eating super late. The absolute latest. And I'll only do this if it's a really nice restaurant. 10 o'.

[Frank Alvarez]

Clock.

[Joe Santagato]

Absolute latest. 10:30.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm like, nah, interesting. I haven't even thought about that.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, what's the latest? I mean, obviously, like, the best, depending on where you're going. If I'm going to a really nice restaurant, I probably will favor, like, 8:39. Yo.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just thought of one of the things I would do if I was. If I won the jackpot.

[Joe Santagato]

It should be good.

[Frank Alvarez]

Richie Rich style. I'm putting a restaurant in my crib, and it may not be a McDonald's, but, like, I'm putting a restaurant. My crib, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

And, like, it could be. No, it won't be a functional. It'll just be for me, right?

[Joe Santagato]

One table.

[Frank Alvarez]

One table. You know, you don't need the full menu. Just what I want.

[Joe Santagato]

Why not just get a chef?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Joe Santagato]

You could get, like, a team of chefs.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a good point. I like cooking, though.

[Joe Santagato]

You ever see really rich people's houses and they have, like, a chef's kitchen that's so fire.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude.

[Joe Santagato]

There's like, a kitchen and then a chef's kitchen.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I like cooking, but you know what? At that much money, I'm just gonna be a little, like, what do you want for dinner? Be like, yo, I would. I don't think I'd survive, Joey.

[Joe Santagato]

A chef is a sick one.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think I would survive because I would be like, every night, Tomahawks.

[Joe Santagato]

Every night, Tomahawks.

[Frank Alvarez]

Every night, Tomahawks and oysters and Tommy.

[Joe Santagato]

Tuesday, Tommy Thursday, dude.

[Joey]

Tommy tomorrow.

[Joe Santagato]

Tommy tomorrow. Yeah, it's a Tommy weekend, I think.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it's Tommy time.

[Joey]

Tommy today.

[Frank Alvarez]

Tommy time. What's, like, the one thing that you would be like, I'm gonna indulge a little bit. Oh, I know.

[Joey]

All of it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Joey. This Joey sign would be. He'd show up with, like, a fucking, like, platinum Daytona.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I probably like really nice real estate. Not. I honestly have no interest in, like. Not that I have no interest. Like, I get from a investing perspective, like, real estate, but like, a sick house. Like, I would love that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, you're gonna have a sick house as it is.

[Joe Santagato]

I meant, like, if you have $800 million and being like, I can just get like.

[Frank Alvarez]

Or. Yeah, but, like, at what point is that?

[Joe Santagato]

Just, like, who cares too much?

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what I mean? Like, house. Yeah. Like, what are you gonna get? Like, a house with, like, 20 bedrooms? For what reason?

[Joe Santagato]

No, I would. See. Yeah, I don't like that. I actually think that's mad creepy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just, like, parts of Your house that like there are people that are like, yo, I've only been in that part of the house once since I bought the house and I lived here for 15 years.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that's strange. I would rather like property and like a, A decent sized house that's like homey and like, you know, in laws and your family and stuff. Like everyone has their own rooms, which. Now that sounds like a lot of bedrooms, but something like that. But then like the outdoor space, like the entertaining spaces are large.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, my backyard.

[Joe Santagato]

Rooms in the backyard.

[Frank Alvarez]

My backyard would be fire. Lazy river. Lazy river. Lazy river. Yeah. You know, you could throw in some, you know, a bar. See.

[Joe Santagato]

If I had 800 million though, I would be doing dumb. Like I would, I would do like, I would have an. Like I said, the entertaining spaces of my house I think would be big. Cuz I like being around people and, and hosting and stuff like that. So those things. But also I would be like, we're hiring whoever's the best, like sushi chef in New York City to come and do it here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh my God.

[Joe Santagato]

And also hiring like a famous singer or something. Like come sing us.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, like Taylor Swift is gonna sing My daughter's birthday.

[Joe Santagato]

Exactly.

[Joey]

Yeah, like that, that might be too. That might still be out of budget after a while.

[Joe Santagato]

It might be, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

If you had Taylor Swift. One a year.

[Joe Santagato]

One a year. One a Year.

[Frank Alvarez]

$800 million, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

First of all, Taylor Swift's not picking up the phone.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude. For 800 million. Well, I would know if, if I, if I said Taylor Swift come and for $2 million, just sing, do a little concert, hang with the kids.

[Joe Santagato]

I bet you would do it.

[Frank Alvarez]

2 million.

[Joe Santagato]

2 mil is a lot.

[Frank Alvarez]

2 mil is a lot of money.

[Joe Santagato]

For, for a dinner.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not only is it a lot, but it's so low lift. Like she's probably making three to five mil for her shows. And, and those are three hours of singing and dancing non stop.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'd be like, yo, come at your leisure, do some songs and have food and drinks. You know, two mil, bring Travis.

[Joe Santagato]

We'll throw the pigskin around.

[Frank Alvarez]

I gotta admit, I'm kind of upset that no billionaires are fans at the basement yard because they just be like, yo, name the price. Come, come do a show in my backyard. Would you do it?

[Joe Santagato]

Honestly, that would be terrifying.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why?

[Joe Santagato]

To go in someone's backyard and be responsible for a dinner party.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, if someone hit us up, let me make something very good. Shut the fuck up.

[Joe Santagato]

If some answers.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. Okay. Thank you.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

If someone hit Us up. It was just like, listen, I'm a billionaire. My kids love your show.

[Joe Santagato]

Hello, I'm a billionaire.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's their birthday party. Just come and just, like, mingle and emcee the birthday party and have fun.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

First of all, what are you asking for? Realistically?

[Joe Santagato]

I wouldn't. I would make them offer.

[Frank Alvarez]

Smart. Let them offer. And then you say, too low.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, and then you go up, say.

[Joey]

Too low, no matter what. On their first.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So if they say, like, we'll give you a million dollars, you're like, sorry, that's too low. All right, 2 million. Okay. You know, and then you walk away with $2 million.

[Joe Santagato]

It's mad excited.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, 1 million because we split it 50. 50.

[Joe Santagato]

You're not coming.

[Frank Alvarez]

We're MCing this. Sorry.

[Joey]

Can't do nothing.

[Joe Santagato]

I can't do nothing. He's like, I produce the show. Who's gonna. Who's gonna produce?

[Frank Alvarez]

I wish you could just get money from people and the government doesn't take it. Dude, that's so sick.

[Joey]

Me too.

[Joe Santagato]

There is a way now. Yeah, Streamers.

[Joey]

Yeah, they just. They just released this new tax thing where streamers, tips, and donations up to 25k tax free.

[Frank Alvarez]

Up to 25k though. That's nothing.

[Joe Santagato]

25K is definitely not.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know it's a lot of. It's a lot.

[Joe Santagato]

The first 25,000.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I'm saying, like, you think of, like, Kai and the other streamers.

[Joey]

They're too big for it to even count. That's a different tax code.

[Joe Santagato]

All in general, $25,000 tax free is.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a lot of money. I agree.

[Joey]

But it starts there. So, like, after that, if they were.

[Frank Alvarez]

To say, like, no tips or gifts that you receive from streaming is tax. I'm going home. I'm streaming tonight. You know what I'm saying?

[Joey]

It's fair. But they got to get money at some point.

[Frank Alvarez]

But why, like, why does a government need a piece of everything?

[Joe Santagato]

The idea is that they're, you know, building the infrastructure.

[Frank Alvarez]

But they're not, dude. They are.

[Joe Santagato]

And aren't. They're not doing enough. I will say. But they are the ones who, like, they fix the potholes.

[Frank Alvarez]

I wish they would. I wish it would be like, jobs. I wish it would be like this. You can choose where to put your taxes.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

But then. Because if it was just like, you could. But, like, it's only like a certain amount. Like, once you do a certain amount in this place, then you have to pick another option. So, like, say it's like, you can either give it to the government and they'll divvy it up, or you can give it to the school system, or you can give it to the, you know, public works, you know, sewage, electrical, all that.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, just some places probably just need less money than others.

[Joey]

Also, if you really want it, like Florida, like, no income tax.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, but that's. That's. That's. Yes, they have no income tax, but they have other taxes where your money goes to. I. I just debunked this with someone that I know.

[Joe Santagato]

In New York, you have every tax, everybody.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, no, no.

[Joe Santagato]

I know city, state, federal.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you're talking to someone that works in one state and lives in another. So guess who gets double butt. Oh, that's an intense way to put that.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that was very intense.

[Joey]

But I get it.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what I'm saying?

[Joe Santagato]

I think it calls for dramatics, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

It does.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

But, like, you know, yeah, it's tough, but someone.

[Joe Santagato]

But then they. Would you. If there wasn't that, then you'd be responsible to be, like, collecting money to be like, we got to fix this.

[Frank Alvarez]

Road or just go fix it yourself.

[Joe Santagato]

You can fix the highway.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, I can't, and I won't.

[Joe Santagato]

Was it you who told me if you do the adopt a highway, you're, like, responsible for that, not me.

[Joey]

That can't be true.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you're like, you have to. I think.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think you sponsor it. So I'm sure they're, like, looking for, like, you need to contribute to some in some capacity. But, like, I don't think if you adopt it, you owe them. Like, you're responsible for everything.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I meant, like, to keep it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Clean or something that I'm. Then why would I ever adopt a highway? Why would I ever be like, yeah, sure, let me take this part of the highway?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know. I remember, like, hearing something about the adopt a highway, and I was like, that is a significant catch.

[Frank Alvarez]

Also, I've spoken openly about this. Having roads or bridges or tunnels named after me, I would never want. Because then people hate you and curse your name without even knowing it's you. You know what I mean? Like, yes, people love George Washington, but how many people have cursed him because of the bridge?

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not cursing him. I think the bridge should go down.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but you should be like the George Washington.

[Joey]

You're right. Which is which part about the. If you adopt a highway through a volunteer program, you're responsible for agreed upon maintenance, such as litter cleanup and sometimes.

[Joe Santagato]

Landscaping yeah, see, why ever adopt a highway? I have no idea.

[Frank Alvarez]

Never in a million years will I ever do that.

[Joe Santagato]

Now I have no idea like what the point of that is.

[Joey]

Big infrastructure stuff the government will still do, but for the little things. Yeah. You are responsible.

[Joe Santagato]

Yo, we should.

[Frank Alvarez]

We should see if they'll name 48th Street park after us.

[Joe Santagato]

It's named after someone.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it's like Paul Raymonda or some shit. Who the fuck is that idiot?

[Joe Santagato]

I couldn't tell you exactly, but it sounds like he's making a donation every year to keep it clean.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, he's probably long dead.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I wouldn't know.

[Joey]

It would still be in a foundation.

[Joe Santagato]

It wasn't Paul Raymonda when we were younger. I know.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was just the part. And then it was Paul Raymond. So what if it's the Joe and Frank park?

[Joe Santagato]

How much are you willing to put up for that?

[Frank Alvarez]

Nothing. They usually just give it to us, Right?

[Joey]

You would need last.

[Joe Santagato]

That's the issue.

[Frank Alvarez]

They should just give it to us because it's what I am deserved. Which, like that white woman was deserved. That baby baseball.

[Joe Santagato]

Exactly. That's how you tie it back in.

[Frank Alvarez]

First and full circle.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Getting a plaque at a park, that would be nice. Maybe if you make a big enough donation, they'll put a plaque up.

[Frank Alvarez]

You either need to be really, like, give a lot of money or die.

[Joe Santagato]

In order to be named after a park.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, I imagine. Look. Look it up. What? In New York? In New York City, how to get a park named after you. This might be a cool thing to do. The Joe and Frank. The Joe. The Joe sitting out of Frank Alvarez park of fun.

[Joey]

No, not good.

[Joe Santagato]

We're work on the name.

[Frank Alvarez]

And also I think park or fun park.

[Joe Santagato]

Right. You putting up $0 is what, like a little blemish on this idea that you have here?

[Frank Alvarez]

I feel like you and I can Both put up $0, though, and we can get it done.

[Joe Santagato]

For what? And then what? So we're putting our names in the park and not doing anything?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, not our job.

[Joey]

You have to donate money or the land.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, how much money?

[Joe Santagato]

Have to donate the land.

[Joey]

If you own the land, you could subsidize substantial piece of land.

[Joe Santagato]

How much to get a plaque at this?

[Joey]

How much to get?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm just thinking, like, we could if. Say it's a couple hundred bucks. I'm doing it.

[Joe Santagato]

It's 100%, not a couple hundred bucks.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why not?

[Joe Santagato]

Because everyone would do it.

[Frank Alvarez]

But you need to be someone. They need to accept your hundred Dollars? I don't think people are gonna want.

[Joe Santagato]

It's a donation.

[Frank Alvarez]

They'd be like, oh, my God, like, this was their park. And people would go and they'd be like, look, this is their park.

[Joey]

It's tough to find an exact number. Yeah, but for a plaque on a park bench? $10,000.

[Joe Santagato]

10,000 bench.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why? So some fucking kids could come and drink 40s on me? No, thanks. Actually, it sounds pretty cool.

[Joe Santagato]

What would you like?

[Frank Alvarez]

Where.

[Joe Santagato]

Where do you want it to be?

[Frank Alvarez]

On the. On the, like, entrance of the park.

[Joe Santagato]

Let's see. Frank Alvarez Park.

[Frank Alvarez]

Frank Alvarez. Frank Alvarez. Joe Santa Gato park of Fun.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, this is where they go subtext. Subtext. They didn't contribute, but they contributed with the amount of fun they had at this park during their life.

[Joe Santagato]

That is some delusion you're living in.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think it's an illusion. I think that it's something that I thought of and now I want it.

[Joe Santagato]

You're in it.

[Frank Alvarez]

They owe it to me.

[Joe Santagato]

Right?

[Frank Alvarez]

I thought of it, so now it's owed to me.

[Joe Santagato]

You're. You're in it for the recognition, but you would like the park to not.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would like to do no work.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

Have no responsibility, and be given exactly what I'm asking for.

[Joe Santagato]

Got it?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think that's a big ask.

[Joey]

Yeah, I mean, I'm looking here to get a bench or a tree named after you. It's in between 5 and 10,000 or sometimes more. So the whole entire park. I can't. I can't imagine it's quite a bit.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, but this is a small park.

[Joe Santagato]

You can rename that park the Joe.

[Frank Alvarez]

Santigato and Frank Alvarez park of Fun.

[Joe Santagato]

And that costs $10,000. Would you put $5,000 towards that?

[Frank Alvarez]

I think there is.

[Joe Santagato]

That's a yes or no, I think.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sure.

[Joey]

Can I get my name on there?

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what? You know what? It's never gonna happen. So. So sure. Yeah, I would.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, maybe he said my name on there.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, sorry. We grew up going to this park. You're not a. You were never at that park with us.

[Joey]

Then I'll pay 5001. Get your name off it.

[Joe Santagato]

Wow. Could happen.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're. You're a little snake. You're a slimy snake today.

[Joe Santagato]

You want to play that game?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah, go ahead. Play that game with Joey. Go ahead. I got my. Look who I got in my corner.

[Joe Santagato]

5001.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Problem.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just do me a favor. Just do me a favor. If they ever offer to name that park after you. Just be like, it's us who?

[Joe Santagato]

The Park Department.

[Frank Alvarez]

The New York City Department of Parks.

[Joe Santagato]

They're not going to come to me and say, hey, man, how do you know?

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, we have fans everywhere. We're very kind and lucky, but, like, what if they did.

[Joe Santagato]

No, very kind. I'd rather be named 48 Street park and not Paul Raymond, whoever that is. It's probably a nice gentleman who donated a bunch of money.

[Frank Alvarez]

But regardless, I mean, he probably donated the money in the 70s, so he paid like $40 to get his name on the flag. Fucking way to go.

[Joe Santagato]

10 racks.

[Frank Alvarez]

Come on, Paul. Give us the park. Give us the.

[Joe Santagato]

Paul.

[Frank Alvarez]

What? Huh? Give us the park pole.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. All right. Well, there you have it, folks. That's all we have for this week's episode. Frank, where can they find you?

[Frank Alvarez]

All over the socials. You know where to find me. On the block disobeying the law.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And at the Frank Alvarez everywhere. And then go check out the Patreon. Patreon.com the Basementyard. If you want to come to any shows, the basementyard.com look for the shows, see what's available, see if you can come. And then if you're coming to any of those shows, go to the basementyard.com submit, baby. Submit the exact same thing that Ant loves doing every single night. Well, you guys go follow the show.

[Joe Santagato]

At the basement yard on Tik Tok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.