The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Friday, December 12 [Vault]

Podcast: The Bert Show
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Date: December 12, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show is a high-energy, candid morning ride covering two memorable listener dilemmas and one hilarious phone scam. The team—Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the rest—explores moral gray zones in workplace honesty, navigates real-life romantic complications, and delivers signature pranks with laughter and sharp, authentic commentary.

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Frank’s “Fake It Till You Make It”… Until You Can’t (01:33–17:43)

Summary:

Frank, a listener, calls in with a workplace crisis of conscience. Having lied on his resume about working for a prestigious industry firm, he panicked when his boss announced that the “VP from Frank’s old firm” was joining their company. Frank faces real exposure, seeks audience advice, and later returns with the shocking conclusion.

The Dilemma:

• Frank admits he lied on his resume, claiming past employment at a well-known firm, which got him his current job (03:50).
• Boss announces new VP—allegedly from the same firm, supposedly someone Frank should know well (03:16–05:14).
• Frank grapples with possible strategies: Ignore it, confess, or try to buddy up with the new VP before the truth drops.

Memorable Quotes:

• “I gotta be honest with you. I think you’re screwed.” – [Host] (05:14)
• “He should definitely not turn himself in. The best thing for this guy to do is to become buddies with the new guy.” – Tiffany, caller (05:32)
• “If he says he doesn’t remember him, that’s normal. He may not remember him!” – John, caller, arguing for plausible deniability (06:01)

The Fallout & Twist:

• Frank chose honesty, fessed up to his boss on Monday (07:50).
• Bombshell: The “VP” story was a trap. Boss had discovered Frank’s lie two weeks prior and set up the scenario as a loyalty test (08:17).
  • “He said he had found out two weeks earlier, and that’s why he said that thing at the meeting about the guy. So he was trying to see how far I’d take the lie.” – Frank (08:20)
• Miraculously, Frank keeps his job, the boss appreciating his eventual honesty and work ethic.

Analysis & Takeaways:

• The cast debates if the lie is forgivable (“I think this, the only lesson we can learn from you, Frank the Tank, is that you are damn lucky.” – Host, 11:25).
• Discussion of resume embellishment culture, with multiple hosts admitting most people at least stretch the truth—a big difference between stretching and fabricating (13:13–13:32).
• Calls from small business owners underline the real-world consequences of such lies.

Notable Quotes:

• “I shouldn’t have lied in the first place. But he [the boss] even said that he never would have hired me if I didn’t lie.” – Frank (10:18)
• “Lucky. Hey, Michael, you’re on all the hits Q100.” (12:04) Followed by discussion about the difference between embellishing and outright lying.

Timestamps for Key Moments:

• Frank’s initial panic call: 03:50
• Boss’s “VP” announcement: 02:55–04:51
• Frank’s confession and boss’s trap reveal: 07:50–08:41
• Cast and audience discussion of resume lies: 10:46–14:55

2. Phone Scam: “On Hold From Hell” – Teaching Jeff a Lesson in Empathy (23:24–35:09)

Setup:

After an on-air stunt where Jeff made women think they were getting proposed to as a joke, the team (with help from Jeff’s wife, Jessica) orchestrates a prank phone call targeting Jeff’s biggest pet peeve: being put on hold.

The Sting:

• Jeff receives a call from “Julie,” a fake cruise agent, about his tightly planned, fully paid family cruise (27:40).
• Over the course of two hours (!!!), she repeatedly puts him on hold, asks for elusive confirmation numbers, and suggests he needs to buy two more (worse) cabins (27:40–34:41).
• The situation escalates: Lost paperwork, database errors, ultimately the last cabins are “sold” while he’s left waiting (33:24–34:41).
• Phone call ends with the classic reveal: “Can I help you? … Yeah, my name’s Bert.” (34:56)

Quotes That Capture the Madness:

• “We’ve been talking for a total of three minutes, I’ve been on hold for 20 something.” – Jeff (28:46)
• “I don’t want to hold anymore.” – Jeff, near breaking (31:35)
• “You put me on hold for two hours with you.” – Jeff to “Julie” (33:29)

Memorable Reactions:

• Jeff’s mounting frustration is palpable and hilarious, offering a taste of his own medicine after his insensitivity to others’ disappointment.

Timestamps for Key Segments:

• Host setup and why this matters: 23:24–27:40
• Phone call: 27:40–35:09

3. “Ryan” and the Four Exes: Attending a Wedding Minefield (37:35–47:51)

Summary:

The team attempts to solve a classic romantic headache: Ryan is about to attend a wedding where at least four women he’s previously dated (some short-term, some serious) will all be guests.

The Dilemma:

• Should Ryan bring a date to defuse drama, or go stag and risk emotional fireworks?
• “He’s the type to keep really great friendship ties with all of these women. And always, the door is always open.” – Jen (37:53)

Cast and Caller Ideas:

• Some urge him to bring a date (as a buffer).
• Others say own his “player” status and “show some skills.”
• Women call in, actually volunteering to be his date (!), fascinated by his supposed charisma and “game.”

Host Commentary:

• Jokes about “Four Weddings and a Funeral” level drama.
• Observations about societal double standards—nice guys often finish last, whereas “players” get attention.

Notable Quotes:

• “I think the issue is not which one of the girls am I going to hook up with… I’m worried about getting slapped or punched or a drink thrown in my face or something along those lines.” – Ryan (41:48)
• “What is the matter with women? ... He’s got four of them in the same room. Leave him alone!” – Host (45:04)
• “This is a little bit like Donald Trump getting a million dollars. The rich get richer, you know?” – Host (47:42)

Timestamps for Key Moments:

• Jen introduces Ryan’s situation: 37:39
• Ryan joins the show: 40:27
• Multiple women volunteer to be his date: 44:00–45:00
• Cast reflection on attraction, “bad boys,” and societal dynamics: 45:16–46:31

Notable Quotes & Highlights

• On Resume Lies:
  “There’s like a really fine line that you gotta walk here. I mean… that line of integrity gets a little blurred, man.” – Host (10:35)
• On Office Drama:
  “When I get scared, my butt goes numb. I think it’s from being a kid in anticipation of getting paddled.” – Melissa (23:08)
• On the Phone Scam:
  “You put me on hold for two hours with you.” – Jeff (33:29)
• On Modern Romance:
  “I just happen to have run into a weekend where I was a good, respectful person to four different women.” – Ryan (45:26)

Tone & Style

• The show crackles with sharp, authentic banter and playful controversy.
• The cast maintains a self-aware, irreverent tone, mixing real vulnerability with sarcasm and humor.
• Listener calls seamlessly fold into the conversation, adding “everyperson” perspectives and keeping the energy lively and unpredictable.

Quick Reference: Timestamps

| Topic | Start | End | |-------------------------------|---------|---------| | Frank’s Resume Story | 01:33 | 17:43 | | Phone Scam: Hold Prank | 23:24 | 35:09 | | Ryan and The Four Exes | 37:35 | 47:51 |

Takeaways

• Workplace Integrity: Lying on your resume can get you in serious trouble—even if you’re competent, it’s a roll of the dice.
• Empathy Through Pranks: Sometimes, the best way to teach a lesson is with a little taste of your own medicine.
• Romantic Realities: Modern dating can create wild, awkward situations that even “sensitive players” can’t always navigate cleanly.
• The Bert Show’s Secret Sauce: Laughter, honesty, and unfiltered opinions—keeping listeners engaged, entertained, and coming back for more.

Whether you’re seeking cautionary tales, vicarious embarrassment, or just a laugh-out-loud morning, this episode serves it up—always real, always funny, and never holding back.