Full Show PT 1: Friday, December 12 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Friday, December 12 [Vault]

Podcast: The Bert Show
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Date: December 12, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show is a high-energy, candid morning ride covering two memorable listener dilemmas and one hilarious phone scam. The team—Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the rest—explores moral gray zones in workplace honesty, navigates real-life romantic complications, and delivers signature pranks with laughter and sharp, authentic commentary.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Frank’s “Fake It Till You Make It”… Until You Can’t (01:33–17:43)

Summary:

Frank, a listener, calls in with a workplace crisis of conscience. Having lied on his resume about working for a prestigious industry firm, he panicked when his boss announced that the “VP from Frank’s old firm” was joining their company. Frank faces real exposure, seeks audience advice, and later returns with the shocking conclusion.

The Dilemma:

• Frank admits he lied on his resume, claiming past employment at a well-known firm, which got him his current job (03:50).
• Boss announces new VP—allegedly from the same firm, supposedly someone Frank should know well (03:16–05:14).
• Frank grapples with possible strategies: Ignore it, confess, or try to buddy up with the new VP before the truth drops.

Memorable Quotes:

• “I gotta be honest with you. I think you’re screwed.” – [Host] (05:14)
• “He should definitely not turn himself in. The best thing for this guy to do is to become buddies with the new guy.” – Tiffany, caller (05:32)
• “If he says he doesn’t remember him, that’s normal. He may not remember him!” – John, caller, arguing for plausible deniability (06:01)

The Fallout & Twist:

• Frank chose honesty, fessed up to his boss on Monday (07:50).
• Bombshell: The “VP” story was a trap. Boss had discovered Frank’s lie two weeks prior and set up the scenario as a loyalty test (08:17).
  • “He said he had found out two weeks earlier, and that’s why he said that thing at the meeting about the guy. So he was trying to see how far I’d take the lie.” – Frank (08:20)
• Miraculously, Frank keeps his job, the boss appreciating his eventual honesty and work ethic.

Analysis & Takeaways:

• The cast debates if the lie is forgivable (“I think this, the only lesson we can learn from you, Frank the Tank, is that you are damn lucky.” – Host, 11:25).
• Discussion of resume embellishment culture, with multiple hosts admitting most people at least stretch the truth—a big difference between stretching and fabricating (13:13–13:32).
• Calls from small business owners underline the real-world consequences of such lies.

Notable Quotes:

• “I shouldn’t have lied in the first place. But he [the boss] even said that he never would have hired me if I didn’t lie.” – Frank (10:18)
• “Lucky. Hey, Michael, you’re on all the hits Q100.” (12:04) Followed by discussion about the difference between embellishing and outright lying.

Timestamps for Key Moments:

• Frank’s initial panic call: 03:50
• Boss’s “VP” announcement: 02:55–04:51
• Frank’s confession and boss’s trap reveal: 07:50–08:41
• Cast and audience discussion of resume lies: 10:46–14:55

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2. Phone Scam: “On Hold From Hell” – Teaching Jeff a Lesson in Empathy (23:24–35:09)

Setup:

After an on-air stunt where Jeff made women think they were getting proposed to as a joke, the team (with help from Jeff’s wife, Jessica) orchestrates a prank phone call targeting Jeff’s biggest pet peeve: being put on hold.

The Sting:

• Jeff receives a call from “Julie,” a fake cruise agent, about his tightly planned, fully paid family cruise (27:40).
• Over the course of two hours (!!!), she repeatedly puts him on hold, asks for elusive confirmation numbers, and suggests he needs to buy two more (worse) cabins (27:40–34:41).
• The situation escalates: Lost paperwork, database errors, ultimately the last cabins are “sold” while he’s left waiting (33:24–34:41).
• Phone call ends with the classic reveal: “Can I help you? … Yeah, my name’s Bert.” (34:56)

Quotes That Capture the Madness:

• “We’ve been talking for a total of three minutes, I’ve been on hold for 20 something.” – Jeff (28:46)
• “I don’t want to hold anymore.” – Jeff, near breaking (31:35)
• “You put me on hold for two hours with you.” – Jeff to “Julie” (33:29)

Memorable Reactions:

• Jeff’s mounting frustration is palpable and hilarious, offering a taste of his own medicine after his insensitivity to others’ disappointment.

Timestamps for Key Segments:

• Host setup and why this matters: 23:24–27:40
• Phone call: 27:40–35:09

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3. “Ryan” and the Four Exes: Attending a Wedding Minefield (37:35–47:51)

Summary:

The team attempts to solve a classic romantic headache: Ryan is about to attend a wedding where at least four women he’s previously dated (some short-term, some serious) will all be guests.

The Dilemma:

• Should Ryan bring a date to defuse drama, or go stag and risk emotional fireworks?
• “He’s the type to keep really great friendship ties with all of these women. And always, the door is always open.” – Jen (37:53)

Cast and Caller Ideas:

• Some urge him to bring a date (as a buffer).
• Others say own his “player” status and “show some skills.”
• Women call in, actually volunteering to be his date (!), fascinated by his supposed charisma and “game.”

Host Commentary:

• Jokes about “Four Weddings and a Funeral” level drama.
• Observations about societal double standards—nice guys often finish last, whereas “players” get attention.

Notable Quotes:

• “I think the issue is not which one of the girls am I going to hook up with… I’m worried about getting slapped or punched or a drink thrown in my face or something along those lines.” – Ryan (41:48)
• “What is the matter with women? ... He’s got four of them in the same room. Leave him alone!” – Host (45:04)
• “This is a little bit like Donald Trump getting a million dollars. The rich get richer, you know?” – Host (47:42)

Timestamps for Key Moments:

• Jen introduces Ryan’s situation: 37:39
• Ryan joins the show: 40:27
• Multiple women volunteer to be his date: 44:00–45:00
• Cast reflection on attraction, “bad boys,” and societal dynamics: 45:16–46:31

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Notable Quotes & Highlights

• On Resume Lies:
  “There’s like a really fine line that you gotta walk here. I mean… that line of integrity gets a little blurred, man.” – Host (10:35)
• On Office Drama:
  “When I get scared, my butt goes numb. I think it’s from being a kid in anticipation of getting paddled.” – Melissa (23:08)
• On the Phone Scam:
  “You put me on hold for two hours with you.” – Jeff (33:29)
• On Modern Romance:
  “I just happen to have run into a weekend where I was a good, respectful person to four different women.” – Ryan (45:26)

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Tone & Style

• The show crackles with sharp, authentic banter and playful controversy.
• The cast maintains a self-aware, irreverent tone, mixing real vulnerability with sarcasm and humor.
• Listener calls seamlessly fold into the conversation, adding “everyperson” perspectives and keeping the energy lively and unpredictable.

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Quick Reference: Timestamps

| Topic | Start | End | |-------------------------------|---------|---------| | Frank’s Resume Story | 01:33 | 17:43 | | Phone Scam: Hold Prank | 23:24 | 35:09 | | Ryan and The Four Exes | 37:35 | 47:51 |

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Takeaways

• Workplace Integrity: Lying on your resume can get you in serious trouble—even if you’re competent, it’s a roll of the dice.
• Empathy Through Pranks: Sometimes, the best way to teach a lesson is with a little taste of your own medicine.
• Romantic Realities: Modern dating can create wild, awkward situations that even “sensitive players” can’t always navigate cleanly.
• The Bert Show’s Secret Sauce: Laughter, honesty, and unfiltered opinions—keeping listeners engaged, entertained, and coming back for more.

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Whether you’re seeking cautionary tales, vicarious embarrassment, or just a laugh-out-loud morning, this episode serves it up—always real, always funny, and never holding back.

Transcript

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[Bert]

Purch the Birch Show Alright Friday, give me the recap here before I play the audio.

[Frankie]

Frankie A free called up and his issue was was this. He filled out his resume to get this new job a few months ago and he exaggerated, lied, lied by making.

[Jeff]

Stuff up completely lied, stretching the nevermind, he lied.

[Frankie]

So within his industry, in a different city, there's this big, very prominent, not big, but a very prominent firm. And you know every, everybody within his particular industry knows of this firm and the work they do and if you have that on your resume, it's a very good thing.

[Bert]

So it's like seeing Harvard on a resume like whoa, you work there dude, sure you can work here.

[Frankie]

His logic was I'm gonna put it on my resume and say that I work there. And if they call for a reference, well, I don't have the job now and I won't have it in a week, so no big deal. But if they don't call for a reference, they end up getting the gig. He's like, well, then I got a job. So he puts it on his resume and submits the resume and they do an interview with him. And sure enough, he is hired. And last week, during a staff meeting, the guy says, oh, I got, you know, five things on the agenda. One, two, three, four, and most exciting. You know, number five. And Frank, this is gonna be very exciting to you. The vice president of your old firm is now coming here to work.

[Knox]

Yay.

[Bert]

The vice president from Liar, Liar and Liar.

[Frankie]

And I'm sure you know him. And Frank's like, oh, yeah, of course. And then called us Friday morning because the guy was scheduled to start yesterday, but there was a good chance he was gonna be in the office Friday, you know, setting up his email, looking at his desk, doing all that pre job stuff.

[Jeff]

So Frank, he was in panic mode and he called us.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Frankie]

So he was going to. He was wondering what to do, and people were amazing. Like, people shockingly wanted to tell him just to blow it off. Like, just to go about your day, go about your business.

[Bert]

It'll all blow over.

[Frankie]

Do what you gotta do, and maybe nobody will notice.

[Bert]

Okay, we've got Frank locked and loaded to find out if he actually kept his job. But here's some of the phone call that was taken on Friday.

[Frank]

Basically, I work for a very small industry. A year ago I got this job, and the way I got it was I lied on my resume, okay? And I said I worked for another more prestigious company within the same field.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Okay?

[Frank]

And I figured, well, if they call and check the reference, then they're gonna say they never heard of me and I'm not gonna get the job. If they don't call, well, then I have a better shot at getting the job and I'll never have a problem. And, well, the other day we were in a meeting and the boss was talking about that we were gonna add some people to. And he said, you look at me. And he said, frank, I think you know this guy. And was like, oh, what do you mean? You said the name? And I was like, I don't know. And I go, well, how would I know him? He says, well, you know him. He was in your division at your old company.

[Bert]

Oh, no.

[Frank]

And I'm like, oh, no. So, I don't know. I mean, I'm trying to think of some extra lie I could put on top of this one to make it. Cause I haven't met the guy yet.

[Bert]

Oh, wow.

[Frank]

I mean, I don't know him at.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

All and he doesn't know me, that's for certain. That this guy would have worked in that same division at the same time you were supposed to have, right?

Mm.

[Frankie]

Okay, I gotta be honest with you. I think you're screwed. Hey, Kai.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I was gonna say that maybe he should just ride it out. Possibly the guy will recognize that he doesn't know him, but he'll feel too uncomfortable to say anything. So I think he should ride it out and then if they find out, then come clean and see what happens.

[Frankie]

Tiffany?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Yes, he should definitely not turn himself in. The best thing for this guy to do is to become buddies with the new guy.

[Frankie]

Yeah, right. Hey, John.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Yeah? What I think he should do is get the guy's number and he hasn't started work there yet, and take him out to lunch and then just explain it to him and just say, you know, if they ask you if you know me, you say, well, I may be, but I don't really remember him, and let it go.

It's.

[Frankie]

Yeah, but if you're the new guy, do you want to get wrapped into a lie before you even set foot in your house?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

If he says he doesn't remember him, that's normal. He may not remember him.

[Frankie]

He doesn't remember him. He never worked there. Hey, Mark.

[Frank]

Hey, guys.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I own a small business and I.

[Frank]

Would fire this guy on the spot.

[Frankie]

You think?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Absolutely.

[Frank]

I've had this before. I had a guy who. I caught him in small lies, and.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Then I caught him double dipping on.

[Frank]

His expense account and had to fire him anyway. So I think this guy's bound to.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Do more things down the road.

[Frank]

He's got to go. I'm sorry, Frank, you're fired.

[Frankie]

Hey, Frank, you there?

[Frank]

Yep, I'm here.

[Frankie]

Well, you know what? Everybody who doesn't matter says that you should, you know, just keep your mouth shut and try to ride it out. But the one guy who's in a position to actually fire people or hire people says he would let you go immediately. So just like every time we put somebody on, we were really of no help, but maybe we gave you some additional perspective.

[Frank]

It really seems like I'm gonna have to try to figure out some way to keep this job.

[Bert]

All right, here we are harping it back. Hey, Frank, you there?

[Jeff]

Yeah, Frank the Tank.

[Bert]

Frank the. Frank the Tank. Frank the Tank. Frank the Tank.

[Frankie]

I've never seen old school and. Or Jen just told me what that was from.

[Bert]

It's the greatest movie.

[Frankie]

I love that.

[Bert]

Hey, Frank. Okay, the Rundown Man. What happened? I mean, did this all go down on Friday? Did it happen on Monday? Where? Where yet?

[Frank]

Well, it. It happened Monday because I didn't say anything Friday because, well, I had a terrible. It was eating. I was totally eaten up by this. I figured I needed a couple days to think about it.

[Bert]

Hey, Frank, hold on one sec. For us, okay?

[Commercial Announcer]

Sure, sure.

[Bert]

Is this too sketchy, or should we go on continuing to talk to him? Does it sound too bad? What do you think?

[Frankie]

I could understand.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Him I could understand, but it was kind of frustrating.

[Bert]

All right, go ahead, Frank. If this gets too bad, we're just gonna have producer Tracy give us the update.

[Frank]

Okay?

[Bert]

Go ahead, man.

[Frank]

So, you know, I just had a terrible weekend, and I decided that I had to come clean. And Monday was the day I decided to do it. First thing, I went right into the boss's office, and I told him exactly what I told you guys, that, you know, I had never worked at the other firm that I said I had worked at. And he said, I know.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Really?

[Frank]

The boss said he already knew. And, well, that took me by surprise. I said, well, what do you mean you already knew? And he said he had found out two weeks earlier, and that's why he said that thing at the meeting about the guy.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

So he was trying to see how.

[Frank]

Far I'd take the line.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

So there wasn't a. There was not an employee from this old company ever coming to work for your new company?

[Frank]

Yeah, exactly.

[Bert]

It's a shocking twist.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

He was testing him.

[Frank]

He was testing me to see because. And the reason was he said that he. He had found this out, but he really liked me as an employee, and. But he had found this out, and he wanted to see if I could be trusted.

[Bert]

Oh, anymore.

[Frank]

And he. I came clean, and, well, he thanked me for coming clean, and I still have my job.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Wow.

[Bert]

Incredible.

[Jeff]

Well, how's that integrity scale over there?

[Bert]

Goes up.

[Jeff]

Goes up.

[Bert]

I think for the. See, I had a different take on this than Jeff did. Like, Melissa gave me the example. If I would have found out, I mean, we've been working together now for three years, that Melissa had no radio experience at all, and she's been on the job for three years, and she's done just a great job. If she came to me now or I found out about it, Would I fire her? And. Absolutely not. To me, at least in radio, it just kind of felt like to me that she was just trying to create a break for herself and she got.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Her foot in the door.

[Frankie]

Is she taking away a break from somebody who truly worked for and designed?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

But, you know, the thing is, I think that's a moot point right now because the boss is the one that created this scenario. The boss is the one that was in control of this. And the boss made the decision in the company, you know, and he decided to keep Frank.

[Bert]

Dude, did you dodge a bullet, man?

[Knox]

Wow.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Well, good thing you came clean.

[Bert]

Yeah. That's unreal.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I just have to say that I think my boss is a great man.

[Bert]

I bet you do.

[Frank]

You know, I didn't mind the loyalty test. I shouldn't have lied in the first place. But he even said that he never would have hired me if I didn't lie. So, I mean, I guess you could lie but come clean about it. That's the lesson.

[Bert]

Yeah, there's like, a really fine line that you gotta walk here. I mean, again, when you're trying to get a job that's so high profile or whatever, you're trying to create a break for yourself, and that line of integrity gets a little blurred, man.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

And we also. I mean, Frank went. I mean, for him to lie about a complete company and job that he never worked at. But I challenge anybody to admit that they haven't exaggerated or tweaked. Tweaked information or embellished on their resume.

[Jeff]

But you guys remember those basketball coaches not too long ago that totally. You know, those college coaches that lied on their resumes? They got busted and fired for it.

[Bert]

It happened to the former coach here of Georgia Tech, who went up to Notre Dame, George Leary, and they found something on his resume that didn't quite jive. And even before they coached his first down, they gave him the boot because they said he lied or embellished on his resume.

[Jeff]

Yeah. So I think this, the only lesson we can learn from you, Frank the Tank, is that you are damn lucky.

[Bert]

Yeah, man, that's it.

[Knox]

I guess.

[Frank]

I think I am.

[Frankie]

Actually, totally unrelated thing to Frank. But just a reminder if. Did you see Herrick Jr. S test?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Burt.

[Frankie]

No. Okay. Remind us after we're done with Frank to tell you about that.

[Bert]

Okay?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Speaking of basketball coaches.

[Frankie]

Yeah. Speaking of basketball coaches, Jim Herrick Jr. S Georgia final exam.

[Bert]

Okay. All right. Hey, Frank, I'm gonna put you on hold because a bunch of people want to call up and talk about this, but I can't put everybody on the voice disguiser. So can you hang with us for a couple of minutes?

[Frank]

Yeah, sure.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Cool.

[Bert]

Hold on, man. Wow, I'm floored by that. Hey, Michael, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Hey, Bert.

[Frank]

I love you guys.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Hey, Amazing Frank, you need to go into Sale. Well, hopefully you are in Sale because.

[Frank]

That was a heck of a fail job.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I cannot believe that.

[Frank]

I cannot believe that the company or the boss will keep him hired after.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Knowingly that he not only just didn't cut a little lie or embellishment because everyone does it on the resume.

[Bert]

Right.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

But he, I mean, I mean he was never even there.

[Bert]

So the line for you here, if you're the boss, is that it's a complete lie. It's not an embellishment. There's not even a grain of truth in that.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

No, it's a little embellishment. Hey, I mean, I worked on a five million dollar account when really it was a hundred thousand dollar account.

[Frank]

Whatever.

[Frankie]

A little embellishment, like 500%?

[Bert]

Yeah, a little bit.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

But he never even walked through the.

Front doors of his company.

Yeah, I wish I could go. I need to see if I can find a resume like straight out of college or straight out of when I worked over at Turner and one of the low totem pole jobs just to see how I worded what I did when I was a secretary at Turner, how I worded my job responsibilities to make me seem like I was some executive.

[Jeff]

You know what everybody in radio does too is they always exaggerate how long they've been in radio. Oh, I've been in radio for 20 years and they're like 22 years old. Like that to me, in our industry is what everybody lies about. Yeah, I was working over there for four years. I'm like, four years. And I'm like trying to do the computing.

[Frankie]

I'm like, you were 11, you were 12.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

But see, the difference is you have worked there. You know, if you press record and play on a tape recorder and you talked into it, for people in radio, they think that's experience. So that's what they reference.

[Frankie]

You know, there's a. When I was out a of years, couple some people got busted out at the University of Arizona. They actually got busted because they called into our radio show out there and bragged where they had a service where you could pay them. I think they were charging people $75 and they would set up a phone number and a voicemail box and they would be fake references for you.

[Bert]

Oh, really?

[Frankie]

You could put on your resume. And they would do. They would do it in other cities, too. So, like, if you were out in Arizona trying to get a job, and you want to say that I work for all the hits Q100 in Atlanta, they would set up a voice. They would call like a paging company and buy a pager for $20, set up a voicemail on it, and the voicemail would say, hi, this is fake name for all the hits Q100. Leave me a message. I'll call you back. When the message came in, that person would call the employer back.

[Bert]

Unreal.

[Frankie]

And there was actually a person listening who got suspicious after hearing the people calling the radio show because he got references from four different people at four different companies and did them in, like, two days. And it's like, that is all the same person, but they're four different cities. How is that happening? And they ended up tracing the phone numbers and shutting them down.

[Bert]

Hey, Warren. You're on all the hits Q100.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Hey, Frank.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Your boss did a lot more than a favor letting you keep your job. Taught you the most valuable lesson in life. No more fibbing.

[Bert]

Yeah, but again, there's just been fibbing.

[Frankie]

And don't take any wooden nickels.

[Jeff]

He's like a Southern wise man. No more fibbing.

[Frankie]

He'll beat you with a switch.

[Bert]

Sue, you're on all the hits Q100.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Hey, I'm just talking from Frank's boss's point of view here. He. When he came clean, he pretty much had to keep him to save his own butt for not having checked his resume in the first place.

[Bert]

I wonder how much of that goes on. I mean, like. Like, do bosses really check, like, 100% of the references?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

You know what I mean? Right to the fact that.

[Bert]

That he did.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

No, that he. He only hired him because that was on his resume. Is that what he said?

[Bert]

He said it had to do with it?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Yeah, he said he. It definitely had to do with it. But I would guess that they only checked the last job that you had. Like, you know how you list, like, every job since you started working, Right? You know, you try to list, like, all the best highlights, but I would guess they only. I would guess they only call the first one.

[Frankie]

Well, you.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

You do the footwork for them, though, from what I remember, because you give them references, so you choose who you want them to call. So I remember, you know, giving three references. So you may put a company on your resume and not provide A reference from that company. So, you know, he. Frank, may not have given them a number for this company. So he may have checked his references, but just not that. You know what I mean?

[Bert]

Isn't it illegal to give a bad reference also? Yes, it is. Right?

[Frankie]

It's illegal now to even give a good reference.

[Bert]

You can't.

[Frankie]

Basically all you can say now is, yes, they were employed here, but you have to be very careful what you say if you talk, even on a good reference.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

What do you mean?

[Frankie]

Like that? Most companies have a policy that all they will say is, yes, he was employed here for blah, blah, blah. And they will say that so they.

[Bert]

Don'T have to say he was a really crappy employee.

[Frankie]

Like, if you give somebody a glowing reference and you say, oh, my God, he was the greatest employee, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the one time that he was late, he worked eight hours overtime to make up for it because he was an hour late because his car broke down. And then it turns around he didn't get the job, that there's a possibility of that person to sue and say, well, you told him I was late.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Are you serious?

[Frankie]

Almost any ask in the point of.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

A reference for somebody to get a feel of what I mean, because letters of references still are paragraphs long and you give detailed information.

[Bert]

Hey, Frank, we got a roll, man.

[Frank]

Okay, well, thanks for your help.

[Bert]

Yeah, well, thanks for calling us up and giving us something to think about for two days, man.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I'm glad you still have your job.

[Bert]

Yeah, you definitely dodged a billet, bro.

[Jeff]

Congrats, Lucky.

[Bert]

You're lucky.

[Frankie]

Lucky? Yeah, you're the real lucky. Not that guy who's hooking up with first sex Friday night.

[Bert]

All right, Frank, Take care, man. Good luck. See you.

[Frankie]

The Birch.

[Bert]

Take control of the numbers and supercharge.

[Jeff]

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[Commercial Announcer]

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[Jeff]

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[Jeff]

Search Xero with an x or visit xero.comacas to start your 30 day free trial. Conditions apply.

[Knox]

Hi, this is Knox from the podcast with Knox and Jamie. What are you reaching for? If you're a smoker or a vaper, you're reaching for nicotine satisfaction and all the problems that come with smoking or vaping. But you could be reaching for Zyn nicotine pouches. Let's Talk about what Zyn helps you reach for first. It helps with variety 10 flavored and unflavored Zen varieties in either 3 milligram or 6 milligram strengths. And also because Zyn is smoke free, you don't have to think about lingering smells or clunky devices. Whatever you're reaching for, reach for it with America's number one nicotine pouch brand. Find your [e-mail] that's z y n.com warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[Commercial Announcer]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Zoe, this thing weighs a ton.

Drew Ski, lift with your legs man.

[Frankie]

Santa.

[Bert]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

He's talking to you britches.

I'm not.

[Commercial Announcer]

Of course he did.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Right Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list and elf.

I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile. You can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right Mrs. Claus?

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Keep your old phone or give it as a gift.

[Commercial Announcer]

And the best part? You can make the switch to T Mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Guys, my side of the tree is slipping.

[Bert]

Kimber the holidays are better.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T mobile is available US cellular stores with 24 month legal credits for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 vice connection charge credits and imbalance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel financing. 256 gauge $830 eligible for in a new line 100 plus a month plan without our payments, taxes and fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line. Visit t mobile.com if you're the purchasing manager at a manufacturing plant, you know having a trusted partner makes all the difference. That's why hands down, you count on Grainger for auto reordering. With on time restocks, your team will have the cut resistant gloves they need at the start of their shift and you can end your day knowing they've got safety well in hand. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click granger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Bert]

Look, the last thing we need to do if you listen at this time every day is rehash everything that went down on Friday. Yeah, just the really short version of it. If you weren't Listening. Jeff thought it would would be really funny to kind of scam women that thought that they were being proposed to send them down to Maggiano's on Friday only to find out it was a big joke and have them disappointed as they left.

[Frankie]

I call that a hearty har har har moment.

[Bert]

Real knee slapper for all of us. So a whole bunch of women left Maggiano's disappointed that they weren't being proposed to, and Jeff got a real good laugh out of it. And the rest of us on the show really thought it was in poor, poor taste. And we took tons of emails on it. And you guys were no help in solving the problem because 50% of you said, leave Jeff alone. He just exposed women that were desperate. And the other 50% of you said, I hate Jeff Dollar and always have hated Jeff Dollar. I'm gonna burn his house down. So it really didn't help at all.

[Frankie]

Oh, by the way, I'd like to thank the people from We HateJeff$com who sent me an email yesterday and said what did it? What was the first part of it?

[Bert]

You mean the one that I read on the radio yesterday?

[Frankie]

No, the one that I read to you and Tracy in our meeting.

[Bert]

Oh, the one that asked if you were pregnant or something.

[Frankie]

It started out what it started out with. We think you're ugly and you stink. You should lose weight. Too fatty. That's the whole email.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Oh, Cena, come on.

[Bert]

You don't gotta be honest.

[Jeff]

I just love it that they registered the email address.

[Frankie]

Yeah, I love it.

[Jeff]

We hate just tolerate.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

That should stand on its own, but you don't have to.

[Bert]

Gentleman likes it. Cause she's got one.

[Frankie]

She just wants to hang out now. Cause she's got ihategenhobby.com.

[Jeff]

Oh, it's can't stand genhobbyahoo.com. get it straight.

[Frankie]

I like that better.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Can't stand.

[Frankie]

Hers is I can't stand Gen Hobby. Mine's we hate. Why do I have plural?

[Bert]

So we debated it back and forth, and we took your emails, and by the time we get out of here on Friday, we were really kind of at Jeff's throats, I should say. And I mean, it was serious because even after the show, Jeff and I went back and we talked about to the program director, and I was really, really pissed. I was really mad. I thought it was kind of a betrayal of trust.

[Jeff]

And we have these offices here at all the hits Q100 that have, like glass walls. So even though somebody's behind the closed doors of an office, you can see what's going on. And I happen to walk by the program director's office, and Jeff and Bert and the program director were standing on, you know. You know, standing up. And there was definitely some shouting coming through that glass. I was like, oh, no. I ran to Melissa's office. I'm like, dude, they're down there in the other office.

[Bert]

What's really going on?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

And then my butt went numb.

[Bert]

So it really wasn't purdy at all, the butt numbing part and the fight.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Because when I get scared, my butt goes numb. I think it's from being a kid in anticipation of getting paddle.

[Bert]

So what I realized is that Jeff didn't understand how mean that was to do to these women, because Jeff doesn't have the ability to empathize. He doesn't know what it's like to be burned, to be disappointed like that, whatever. He's never been burned, never been disappointed, especially when it comes to phone scams. So I'm thinking, all right, I need to teach him a lesson in empathy. But I was so. I was so angry, I couldn't come up with anything good.

[Frankie]

And I'm glad you called Jessica, because if not, I would be getting a spanking today.

[Bert]

So.

[Jeff]

Whooping.

[Bert]

What I did was I called Jeff's wife, Jessica, and I'm like, can you help me out with this? And she was more than eager to.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Help out after all those years with Jeff. She's like, finally, finally, my moment has come.

[Bert]

So while she was standing by her man and she was doing the unconditional love thing, there was part of her that really thought it was mean also. So I'm like, can you help me out here? What's Jeff's hot button? Because in working with Jeff, what we realized is he never gets too high, never gets too low. He's, like, right in the middle all the time.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

He's very consistent in his mood.

[Bert]

He's very just like, doesn't, you know, it's probably from lack of caring about anything.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

The man has no emotions. He has no heart. So he.

[Bert]

Just kidding. I said earlier, he's like Spock. He's like a Klingon.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

He just Vulcan.

[Bert]

No emotion. Vulcan. Okay. Glad I don't know that. So I called Jessica up, and I'm like, jessica, can you give me a little help here? I really want to teach Jeff a little bit about empathy here. How can I phone scam this guy? And she laughs, and she's like, well, Jess got a couple of hot buttons. And one that was kind of random that she brought up was Jeff can't stand being left on hold for any amount of time. A second feels like an hour to Jeff.

[Frankie]

I hate it. And that really is the only thing that will get me angry. Like, if it is a situation. Like if I'm calling you up, you know, and ordering something out of your catalog or whatever. If you put me on hold, you've got about 10 seconds. Like, if you put me on hold, it better be to reach across your desk and get a pen and then you're back. Because if I'm giving you business, I shouldn't be on hold. I hate call waiting. I hate. I won't be patient with call waiting. I hang up on people if, you know, they click over. I hate the fact that we only have call waiting because Jessica likes it. I have no problem with no call waiting. I don't know why.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Pet peeve.

[Bert]

Out of all the things to be angry about in the world, the only thing that sets Jeff off is being on hold. That's his kryptonite, right?

[Frankie]

Well, that and people with really thick accents that I can't understand. And I have to keep going.

[Bert]

Huh? I couldn't find a friend to fake an accent like that. Sorry. So I'm like, well, Jessica, that sounds all right, but I don't know that that's enough for a phone scam. Is there anything else? Well, Jeff, for Christmas, gave his parents a family cruise that he's gonna be taking with his folks starting next week. And they're going all throughout the Caribbean for, like, 10 days. And Jeff has been, like, a crazy, detailed person about this vacation. Wants to make sure it's really special for his parents.

[Frankie]

I got a three ring binder. Seriously, that has, like, copies of all of our tickets. It's got the paperwork, it's got, you know, all the, like, anything that we could need. Even to the point where, like, we have duplicate copies of our birth certificates. I mean, nothing can go wrong. And I think it's just because I decided I gave this as my parents for Christmas. I bought it in, like, October, so I've had, like, six months to plan it so, you know, it's done by, like, October 10th. Then you look for something else to do. Hey, what if we all get birth certificate duplicates in case something happens, in case somebody breaks into the ship in Barbados and takes their birth certificate.

[Bert]

And his parents are from upstate New York in this small little town, Nedro, and they're just very simple people. This is gonna be like a Kid going to Disney World. So the combination of those two things, and I'm thinking, okay, we've got something here. Now, we've got something here. So I call a friend that's in radio up in Washington, D.C. and she calls Jeff on Friday. Now, would it be smart for me to tell how long this entire conversation lasted up front or should we wait till the end of the conversation?

[Frankie]

We'll tell them at the end. But I will tell you that you're gonna hear me put on hold here several times during the conversation. And I would say probably the shortest amount of time that she left me on hold was five minutes. And at one time she left me on hold for a full half hour. Hi, it's Jeff.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Hi, Jeff. This is Julie with me. All three.

[Frankie]

Hi, Julie. How are you?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I'm good. How are you?

[Frankie]

I'm well, thank you.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I'm just checking on the cruise you're taking. The depart date is February 22nd.

[Frankie]

Yes.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I'm just confirming that you're still going on that cruise as well as your parents, another couple?

[Frankie]

Yes, that's correct. Why would you be confirming?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I'm checking to see about your deposit here.

[Frankie]

I don't think I understand.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Well, can I put you on hold for a minute?

[Frankie]

Sure.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Okay, one sec. Hi, I'm Beck. Are you still there?

[Frankie]

I am.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

So you are still planning on taking the cruise?

[Frankie]

Yes.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

You did put a deposit down?

[Frankie]

Yes, I mean, I put more than a deposit down. The whole cruise is paid for in full, huh?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

It's not paid in full. I can't seem to find it. Paid in full. Well, can you hold on for another minute?

[Frankie]

Sure.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Hi.

Okay, I'm back. You still there?

[Frankie]

Yeah, I have a confirmation number.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Why don't you give me that confirmation number?

[Frankie]

Well, is there a way that this could. We could do that where I could give you whatever and then you could call me back? Because we've been on the phone. We've been talking for a total of three minutes. I've been on hold for 20 something.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I really only see a deposit. And there's, you know, two cabins, and they really need to be paid.

[Frankie]

The confirmation number is 2. It is paid in full, first of all. But the confirmation number.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Okay, hold on one more minute. Thank you.

[Frankie]

Yep.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Okay, I'm back. And who did you book this through?

[Frankie]

Okay, just so you know. You're aware that during this entire conversation I've been on hold over 45 minutes?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Yes.

Yes.

[Frankie]

Okay, I booked it through. Susan.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Susan. Hold on. Let me see if I can find her.

[Frankie]

I don't want to.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Hold on one second. Did you say Susan?

[Frankie]

Do you have any idea how long you're leaving me on hold for?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

You know, I'm real sorry. We're having some problems with our, you know, our database here, and I'm really trying to help you out. You know, Susan's. She's on vacation until March. Is there anyone else you spoke.

[Frankie]

I spoke with Heather in her office.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Heather? Let me see if I can find her. Hold on one minute.

[Frankie]

Okay. It's the same exact extension.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Okay.

[Frankie]

How did that did that took you 10 minutes. I'm sorry.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Look, I really want to help you out here. And the crew seems to be sold out, but there's two cabins left. So what I'm thinking is maybe the deposit that you put on we could now put towards the two cabins that are left and you can buy those two cabins. And then if we find your other reservation, we can cancel that and use the new ones that you're paying for.

[Frankie]

Now you want me to buy two additional cabins?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I think you're going to have to, Jeffrey, because I can't seem to find.

[Frankie]

I have paperwork. I have emails and stuff back and forth. It's done and it's paid for. I have a credit card receipt.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

You know, let me see what I can do. I'm going to put you on hold, but just stay there because our phones are acting a little bit weird and I don't know if I can call you back. Hold on.

[Frankie]

Wait, what do you mean you don't know if you can call me back? Hello?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Hi, Jeffrey, I'm back. What I'm thinking is I can't find anything on the database that has anything paid in full. All I can find is a deposit. So I really suggest that you buy these two other cabins so that you have two cabins. Unless you want to go on a different date. Can you.

[Frankie]

How can I go on a different. I've got airfare. My parents are flying in from freaking New York.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Can you hold on?

[Frankie]

Let me. Hotel in Puerto Rico. I don't want to hold any more.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

There's one more place I can hold. Just be patient with me. Hold one more minute.

[Frankie]

What?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Okay, I can't find anything.

[Frankie]

Just for your record, you said you ended that with hold one more minute. Yeah, that was 21 minutes.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Look, I'm really sorry, but I'm trying to help you out here. I really don't. You know, I'm trying to. I'm going overboard to help you out here.

[Frankie]

First of all, how are you helping me out?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Well, I'm helping you out by trying to get you on a cruise and.

[Frankie]

You'Re helping me out? I've been on hold for two hours. And we're no further than we were when you first called.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Well, that's really not my fault. I'm doing the best I can. I'm searching for you, say you paid in full. I don't have any record of that.

[Frankie]

Listen to me. What happens if I buy these two cabins and then you find my other ones? I bring the paperwork with me. I fax it to you. I do what I have to do.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Well, then of course, we would refund your money.

[Frankie]

So are these the same category of the ones that I had before?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

What's the category that you had?

[Frankie]

Balcony, upper deck.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

No, the cabins that are available now are not ba. They are cabins on the inside, on the lower deck, and they're not close to each other.

[Frankie]

And these are the last two cabins you have on the whole freaking ship.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Yes, they are.

[Frankie]

Oh, my God.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

So would you like to give me the credit card information for these two other cabins?

[Frankie]

I'm gonna. Can you hold on a minute?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Because I can hold on, but I can only hold on for two minutes. Cause I'm gonna lose the extension.

[Frankie]

Okay, you can. All right. Ma', am, are you there?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Yes, I am. You know, you really can't put me on hold for that long. I don't have time.

[Frankie]

You've got to be kidding me.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

No, I mean, I have an office full of, you know, business to do here. And I'm really. I'm really trying to help.

[Frankie]

I've got me on hold for two hours with you.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I'm really sorry, but I just. You can't put me on hold like that. What am I. What am I gonna do? I'm at a job.

[Frankie]

All right, would you like to take these? Yes. We're gonna take the other cabins. Okay. And I'm gonna need a fax number because I'm faxing you this paperwork. My wife has the credit card statement. Everything is paid for. Well, why don't you. And I also want to be compensated for these two hours.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Oh, you know what? My cell is ringing. Can you just hold on one second?

[Frankie]

Are you taking a personal call?

[Bert]

No, no, no.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

It's not personal. One second, please.

[Frankie]

You've got to be kidding me.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Hi. Are you kidding? Come on. How many times have we spent weekends with your parents?

[Frankie]

Hello?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I don't understand you.

Holy.

I spent one brunch with my mother.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

[Frankie]

Can we take care of this? I've been on hold for two hours.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I need your visa information.

[Frankie]

Right. For the last two cabins.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Oh, my God. Jeffrey, those two cabins were just sold right out from under me.

[Frankie]

They weren't. They were sold while you were arguing with your husband or whoever it was.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

That's impossible.

[Frankie]

You just said they were sold within the past minute.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Oh. Oh, goodness. Oh, my God. What are we gonna do here?

[Knox]

We're gonna.

[Frankie]

You know what? Let me talk to someone else, okay?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Let me put you on hold and see what I can do.

No.

[Jeff]

No.

[Frankie]

Hello?

[Frank]

Holy.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Hi.

[Bert]

Can I help you, please?

[Frankie]

Can I have your name, please?

[Bert]

Yeah, my name's Bert.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

God.

[Frankie]

We will.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

We will scam you. The Birch Show. The longer you stay alive, the longer you can enjoy Boost Mobile's unlimited plan with a price that never goes up. So here are some tips. Do not parallel park on a cliff if you want to enjoy an unlimited plan with a price that never goes up. Do not mistake a wasp nest for a pinata if you want to enjoy an unlimited plan with a price that never goes up. Do not microwave a hard boiled egg if you want to enjoy an unlimited plan with the price that never goes up. Stay alive and enjoy Unlimited Wireless for $25 a month. Forever with Boost Mobile, after 30 gigs, customers may experience lower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Mobile unlimited plan. This holiday, Verizon is giving you incredible gifts and savings you'll enjoy all year. When you Switch, you'll get four new iPhone 17 Pros. No trade in needed. That's right, get four lines for just $25 a line. And the amazing iPhone 17 Pro for everyone. Save. Bit big this holiday. Visit Verizon today. $20 monthly promo credits applied to a count over 35 months with a new line on unlimited. Welcome. In times of congestion, unlimited 5G and 4G LTE may be temporarily slower than other traffic. Domestic Data roaming at 2G speeds. Additional terms apply for phone offer. See verizon.com for details.

[Knox]

It's third down.

[Frankie]

Did you see the game last night?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Of course you did. Because you used Instacart to do your grocery restock.

[Frankie]

Plus you got snacks for the game.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

All without missing a single play.

[Frankie]

And that's on multitasking.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

So we're not saying that Instacart is.

[Frankie]

A hack for game day, but it might be the ultimate play this football season.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees apply for three orders in 14 days. Excludes restaurants. Instacart, we're here.

[Knox]

Hi. This is Knox from the Popcast with Knox and Jamie. What are you reaching for? If you're a smoker or a vaper, you're reaching for nicotine satisfaction and all the problems that come with smoking or vaping. But you could be reaching for Zyn nicotine pouches. Let's talk about what Zyn helps you reach for first. It helps helps with variety. 10 flavored and unflavored Zen varieties in either 3 milligram or 6 milligram strengths. And also because Zen is smoke free, you don't have to think about lingering smells or clunky devices. Whatever you're reaching for, reach for it with America's number one nicotine pouch brand. Find your [e-mail] that's z y n.com warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[Bert]

Shane, give us a 60 second version of what Ryan is going through this.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Well, Ryan is about to to be in a wedding coming up in the next couple of months and he's in it.

[Bert]

Or he's just attending. I can't give up too much information.

[Jeff]

Yeah, maybe I shouldn't need details.

[Frankie]

He will be there.

[Jeff]

He'll be at a wedding coming up in the next couple of months where he has hooked up with or hooked up with four of the women attending the wedding. Now this is also my friend who is the type to keep really great friendship ties with all of these women. And always the door, the door is always open for those romantic encounters to happen again. These are four women that don't know about each other, all attending the same wedding. And really the debate that we were having was should he bring a date and make them all jealous? Should he go stag and fend them all off all weekend, have it be a big competition? I mean, how does he handle this whole situation? Because most of them don't know about each other.

[Bert]

All right, we're going to talk to you quote unquote Ryan in a couple of seconds. Hey, Tammy, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Hey guys, good morning. Love the show.

[Bert]

Thank you.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I am a little concerned that he is so sure he's gonna be able.

[Frank]

To hook up with him.

[Jeff]

I'm telling you though, I know these four women. He can.

[Bert]

All four.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Yeah, but I mean, it's been some time and don't you think that maybe one of them has come to their senses or met somebody else?

No. To their senses.

[Jeff]

No, no. He's got game. And they all would. Yeah, they all would.

[Bert]

And plus, it's a wedding and is it true? Because the myth in guy world is that at a wedding, women are more apt to hook up because you're all feeling romantic and stuff like that, and.

[Jeff]

They'Ve been drinking all day.

[Bert]

Okay, that's a great combination if you're.

[Frankie]

A nothing more than get out of those bridesmaid dresses. If it's gonna take, quote, Ryan to do that, then.

[Bert]

Hey, Mike, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Hey, guys. How you doing?

[Bert]

Good. How are you, man?

[Knox]

Wonderful.

[Frank]

This guy needs to hook up with at least two of them.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

And Crash could back me up on this. One of them should be outside of those four. Ah, he's gotta have some game.

[Bert]

What do you mean? One should be outside of the four and one should be in the four for it to be a successful day.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Exactly.

[Knox]

Come on.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Gotta show some skills.

[Jeff]

I like Mike. I like the way you're thinking.

[Bert]

You're in a league that's so far away from me.

[Frankie]

Hey, Mike, how long you been married and fantasizing?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Not at all.

[Bert]

Yeah, that would be setting the. That's setting the bar pretty high. Really high.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I don't know.

[Bert]

I think I keep it in the family.

[Jeff]

This quote, unquote. Ryan might be able to pull it off.

[Bert]

Hey, Brett.

[Frank]

Yes, sir.

[Bert]

What's up, man?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I think it's kind of crazy. You guys are assuming these other girls aren't gonna bring a date.

[Bert]

Jim, you would know better than I would. Are they gonna bring a date?

[Jeff]

One of them might bring a date. One of them.

[Bert]

Okay, maybe.

[Jeff]

Maybe.

[Bert]

And do you think this. That Ryan could work around that?

[Jeff]

Probably.

[Bert]

Get out of here. Is that good? Hey, Ryan.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Hey, guys.

[Bert]

How's it going, man?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Oh, hanging right in there.

[Bert]

You have any kind of game plan set up yet?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

You know, I'm trying to think like. Like I said, Hobby and I were talking about it last night, and the.

[Frankie]

Only plan he has right now is not to tell Hobby any more stories.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Exactly. I'm thinking just about coming down with an illness that weekend.

[Bert]

I'm trying.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Not going at all.

[Bert]

I'm trying to. If I ask questions that are going to incriminate you, then just don't answer.

[Knox]

Answer them.

[Bert]

But I'm trying to gain a little bit more information here in the weekend. How many of these four did you have long term relationships with? And how many were just like, hookups?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Two long term. Two hookups.

[Bert]

Two long term. Two hookups. All right. And you're.

[Frankie]

What's long term for a person like Ryan?

[Jeff]

Ryan?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Three, four days.

[Bert]

What was the long term in the Two.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Several months on both of them.

[Bert]

Alright. And the other two were just like one night stand type deals?

[Frankie]

Several minutes.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Yeah, a couple days.

[Bert]

Okay, Couple days.

[Frankie]

And he's got staying power.

[Jeff]

So are you seriously considering taking a date or are you thinking about the stag situation we were going with last night?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I think the issue is not that which one of the girls am I gonna hook up with, because that's not really what I'm worried about here. I'm worried about getting slapped or punched or a drink thrown in my face or something along those lines. So I just don't want anybody. I'd rather bring a date than just keep everybody else at bay because I just. The other thing is I don't want anybody to get their feelings hurt, you know, it's not like I don't want to be there and be in a situation where you hear that, ladies.

[Frankie]

He's sensitive too.

[Bert]

So the goal this weekend really is okay, yeah, hook up. But B, make sure that there's no bad feelings between all the women.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

More than anything else, it's not, you know, it's like people's weddings. They're close friends of mine. I don't want to be the center of attention where there's. Where there's. I'm over in one corner arguing with one and the other one's over in the other side of the room talking to somebody else about me. And that's just. That's a mess.

[Bert]

My God. Hold on one sec. Hey, Stephanie, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Hey.

[Commercial Announcer]

Hey.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I'm thinking that if this dude takes a date, we all know how catty women are. They're gonna get talking amongst each other and then there's gonna be fur flying all over the place.

[Bert]

But it's gone this long without them all talking about it and exchanging Ryan's stories. So.

[Knox]

Why?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Well, what she's saying is like, one of them not knowing that the other one has hooked up with Ryan, will say, well, you see that woman that he's with? And then I can't, you know, like, one will divulge the information about her to the friends now that they're all together and talking about it. And then they're like, what do you mean? I. I was with Ryan. And then, you know, and then it'll, you know, snowball.

I don't think I'm gonna get out of this weekend one way or the other without at least the three that I'm concerned about finding out each other. The other one, like. Like Jen was saying, we'll probably bring a date, and it's kind of a non issue, but I don't think I'm. I don't think I'm coming out of this this weekend clean anyway, so I just don't want it to be a big deal.

[Frankie]

I'm extending a personal challenge to you. I would like you to come back from this wedding hooking up with one of the four, the maid of honor and the bride and the groom.

[Bert]

You really want to challenge yourself? Hey, Lisa, you're on all the hits Q100.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I'm available for a date if you need one.

Now, I know.

[Bert]

What is the matter with women? All right, so here you've got a guy on the phone saying, look, look, I'm playing four women at the same wedding.

[Frankie]

And, well, she's like, there's gotta be something good about him. Four women are into him?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Yeah, he said he's sensitive and he's got game.

[Bert]

All right, Lisa, hold on one sec, all right?

[Jeff]

She's like, huh? I'll wait around for that number.

[Bert]

Hey, Trina. Go ahead. Trina.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Hey. How are you?

[Bert]

Good.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I was just curious if one of the women he went out with or slept with happened to be the bride.

[Frank]

No.

[Frankie]

No.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Frankie]

You say now, I hear not yet.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Well, I'm also a 29 year old single white female, so if he needs a date. I just said you're over six feet tall. Because I'm six feet tall. So if you like tall women, let me know.

Unbelievable.

[Bert]

How is this even possible?

[Frankie]

Listen, lady race, just so you know, ladies, the guys. You know what? You want to call up and offer yourselves to someone? Phil Turanic can't talk to a girl to save his life. This guy's got four of them in the same room. Leave him alone.

[Bert]

You know, this is our mother's fault here because our mothers raised us to be good boys. You know, be nice and be respectful. Y' all don't want that. You're not looking for that. You're looking for Ryan.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I'm a good, respectful person. I just happen to have run into a weekend where I was a good, respectful person to four different women.

[Bert]

This wedding is going down this weekend.

[Jeff]

No, no, no, no. It's coming up in a couple months.

[Bert]

Okay?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

All right?

[Bert]

So you gotta keep this up.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

So I got some time to prepare.

[Bert]

Okay?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

I got some time to prepare. So I've got another one, like the weekend before or two weekends before. And I figure if I bring the same girl to that one that I bring to this one, then I can probably Circumvent some of the drama.

[Jeff]

I think that might be a really good idea. She's gotta be really hot. Whoever you bring, though, I'm just laughing.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

At Hobby Land, where it's like Four Weddings and a Funeral, all the same. Friends gathering together and going to all these weddings and the whole. It's just. It's like. It's a Hollywood film, I don't know, unfolding right now.

You know what it is?

[Jeff]

It's a sitcom.

[Frankie]

It's a high school movie. Like, Jen is the lead cheerleader. Ryan here is the player. Stud guy. You know? Which one of you guys is, you know, the high school captain, Football captain, hooked on steroids. Which one of you has this?

[Bert]

That's the groom. Hey, Amy, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Hi. I was in a similar situation, except my husband was the player. We went to a huge wedding with someone. Sorry, sorry. We went to a huge wedding with someone that we all went to high school with. And we were at a table at the reception, and I went to go get a drink, and I came back, and the four women that I knew for sure my husband had hooked up with in the past were sitting at the table with him. And there were no more chairs. So I thought, well, what do I do? Do I stand there? Do I talk to them? So I just sat in his lap. And then I was sitting there thinking, well, are they sitting there thinking, I've had your man, or what? I didn't know how to feel about that. I didn't know if I should be embarrassed or if I should say, hey, I've got him.

[Frankie]

So what you're saying is you want to go to the wedding with Ryan? No.

[Bert]

Hey, Ryan. Yeah. Hey, Athi. Are you gonna have to tell me where to forward these emails? Because I can. I can already see him coming in.

[Frankie]

Man, he sounds so cute.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

He is sensitive and he's got game, and I can solve his problems for.

This poor little thing.

He's. He's all stressed out, and I just want to help him out.

[Bert]

This is a little bit like Donald Trump getting a million dollars. The rich get richer, you know? All right, Ryan, keep us posted over the next couple months, man. I will see you later.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Thanks, guys.

[Jeff]

Bye.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

The Bird Show.

[Knox]

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[Commercial Announcer]

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[Frankie]

I had joint pain and I couldn't.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Move like I used to.

[Frankie]

I needed relief.

[Frank]

I got Cosentyx.

[Bert]

It helped me move better.

[Knox]

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[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Ask your rheumatologist about Cosentyx.

[Commercial Announcer]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Zoe. This thing weighs a ton.

Live with your legs, man.

[Commercial Announcer]

Santa.

[Bert]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

He's talking to you, Bridges.

I'm not that.

[Commercial Announcer]

Of course he did.

[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

Right Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list.

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[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

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[Various Callers/Co-hosts]

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