Full Show PT 1: Friday, January 30 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Episode Summary

Podcast: The Bert Show
Episode: Full Show PT 1: Friday, January 30 [Vault]
Date: January 30, 2026
Main Hosts: Burt, Jeff, Wendy
Main Theme:
A classic morning show episode blending humor, myth-busting, parenting dilemmas, guest call-ins, and germaphobic confessions. The hosts share authentic and relatable moments from their lives while riffing on quirky local myths and everyday etiquette, serving up laughs, real talk, and listener participation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Atlanta Snopes: Myth-Busting Local Legends

[00:00–06:52]

• Premise: Jeff introduces the Atlanta version of the website Snopes.com by inviting listeners to confirm or debunk urban legends specific to Atlanta.
• Segment Focus: “Firehouse groupies” – women allegedly showing up at fire stations to meet firefighters, causing issues among firefighter spouses.

Highlights:

• Jeff: "We decided to do Atlanta Snopes, where there are rumors or different myths about Atlanta that are going on...and you can either confirm or deny them." [00:50]
• Caller Lisa: Confirms firehouse groupies are real, typically invited by the firefighters themselves, and often bring friends to hang out at the firehouse. [03:21–03:58]
• Caller Crystal: Adds that "badge chasers" exist for both firemen and policemen, though firefighters seem to attract more. “Girls would come up there...trying to get some firemen—sometimes show up with cookies and crap.” [04:28–05:00]
• Susan (Caller): Shares she met a fireman by intentionally visiting many fire stations pretending to be lost – says this happens all the time and groupies even use message boards to coordinate. [05:06–05:54]
• Carla (Caller): Confirms police have their own groupies too, called “badge chasers” or “badge bunnies.” [05:56–06:17]

Notable Quotes:

• “Findmyhoseman.com.” – Burt (joking about how to find a fireman) [05:56]
• “I have heard of badge bunnies before.” – Jeff [06:11]
• Consensus: Multiple call-ins verify the urban legend is true: firehouse groupies are a real thing in Atlanta and other cities, and there have been crackdowns on unannounced (especially female) visitors. The same is true for police ("badge chasers").

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2. Parenting Etiquette: Children in Opposite-Sex Public Restrooms

[06:53–17:22]

• Jeff: Describes his recent encounters where single dads bring daughters (around 7–8 years old) into men’s restrooms. Wonders what the societal “cutoff age” should be and if his discomfort is warranted. [06:53]
• Wendy and Burt: Discuss the unremarkable nature of boys being in women’s bathrooms and question why girls that age couldn’t go into the women’s restroom alone. [08:00–08:33]

Listeners Call In:

• Tammy: “That’s completely and utterly inappropriate...Seven, eight year old girls are more than able to take care of their business if you will, in a restroom by themselves.” [09:40–10:08]
• Jessica: Offers a pragmatic view—depends where you are; in “shady” places, she’d prefer her husband take their daughter to the men’s room and ensure she’s comfortable. [11:27–12:04]
• Another Caller: Supports the “depends on situation” answer but feels age eight is the upper limit. [12:15–12:57]
• Legal Angle: Caller at a pool says the legal cutoff for kids to be in an opposite-sex bathroom is six years old, “but there is some sort of, you know, give or take, depending...being a single parent or not.” [14:24–14:49]
• Reese (Caller): Her ex-husband took their daughter in up to age five, always shielding her eyes and hustling her in and out for safety’s sake. “You know, I know how you are. I would never leave her out...God forbid, you know, somebody took her.” [15:05–15:44]

Host Reactions:

• Burt: Relates to the “defense mode” of dads, but acknowledges discomfort.
• Wendy: Comments on women’s bathrooms being protective and the “village” mentality when a child is present.
• Jeff: Speaks to the paranoia of parenthood: “My only goal is to get him back to his mother breathing.” [12:57]

Memorable Moment:
“It’s like the modern day takes a village. It takes a restroom.” – Burt [17:04]

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3. Germaphobia & the Rise of Touch-Free Bathrooms

[17:22–24:41]

• Context: The hosts discuss an article about touch-free bathrooms, expressing delight over innovations designed to minimize germ transfer (autoflush toilets, motion-activated faucets, L-shaped door handles to use with your arm, etc.).
• Burt: Advocates for more waste bins by the door for used paper towels and questions why so many restroom doors must open inward. [19:05–19:36]
• Burt’s Cruise Anecdote: Notes that cruise ships have napkin dispensers for opening doors and Purell stations by elevators due to the high risk of outbreaks. [19:41–20:13]
• Jeff/Wendy: Discuss elevator buttons and purses as germ hot spots. [20:18–21:22]

Handshakes & Alternative Greetings:

• Story: Doctors recommend alternatives to handshakes during cold/flu season due to hygiene concerns.
• Wendy: “That was hardest thing for me to do...after my transplant, that was the number one thing they said: Do not touch your face anymore.” [21:01]

Cultural Alternatives:

• Burt: Suggests, jokingly, the Japanese bow as a non-contact greeting; Jeff says he’d love that. [21:49–21:59]

Call-In Highlights:

• Ashley (Beauty Advisor): Warns listeners about the dangers of shared makeup testers at department store counters. “Oh God, please, please don’t touch them, please...I have a personal alcohol bottle, pure alcohol bottle. I take with me everywhere...” [22:20–23:10]
• Joey (Environmental Company): Shares his boss only does elbow bumps as a handshake alternative. [23:55–24:08]
• Wendy: Draws the line at hugs and definitely NO kisses. “You don’t know how nasty you are.” [24:13]
• Burt: Caps the segment with a ridiculous but “germ safe” greeting: “I’m going to just start lightly touching my face against a person’s breast...a little butterfly kiss of the breast.” [24:41]

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Notable Quotes & Timestamped Highlights

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |------------|------------------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:14 | Burt | “Any forwarded email, go to Snopes... 9 out of 10 of them are not. Don’t buy oil from a certain gas company...” | | 01:42 | Jeff | “A lot of counties are really cracking down on firefighters having unannounced visitors, especially female ones.”| | 03:21 | Caller Lisa | “There is firehouse groupies.” | | 04:28 | Caller Crystal | “Girls would come up there every now and then...sometimes show up with cookies and crap.” | | 06:06 | Caller/Jeff | “And they are called badge chasers.” “I have heard of badge bunnies before.” | | 07:00 | Jeff | “I’ve been at a restaurant...a father will walk in there with his daughter... maybe a single dad... I’m wondering where the cutoff is on that.” | | 09:40 | Tammy (Caller) | “Totally inappropriate. Seven-, eight-year-old girls are more than able to take care of them... in a restroom by themselves.” | | 12:57 | Jeff | “My only goal is to get him back to his mother breathing.” | | 17:04 | Burt | “It’s like the modern day takes a village. It takes a restroom.” | | 18:05 | Burt | “So you run your hand under [the sensor] 27 times, like using the self-checkout at the grocery store...” | | 19:05 | Burt | “I would like to suggest that every restroom have a small waste-paper basket after you’ve gone out the door...” | | 21:01 | Wendy | “That was the hardest thing for me to do... do not touch your face anymore...” | | 21:49 | Burt | “You just do a Japanese-style bow.” | | 22:20 | Ashley (Caller) | “Oh God, please, please don’t touch them, please...I have a personal alcohol bottle, pure alcohol bottle I take with me everywhere...” | | 24:41 | Burt | “I’m going to just start lightly touching my face against a person’s breast...a little butterfly kiss of the breast is what I’m going for.” |

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Additional Memorable Moments

• Listeners’ Variety: Call-ins featured a wide range of real-life experience, from public safety professionals, germ experts, to everyday parents—giving each topic depth and authenticity.
• Running Gags: Repeated jokes about groupies for odd professions (“Findmyhoseman.com”), badge bunnies, and alternative handshakes kept the mood light.
• Hosts’ Candor: Burt and Jeff’s openness about their own neuroticism around germs and parenthood offered comic relief and relatability.

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Useful for Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In

• Episode Flow: Begins with local myth-busting and hilarity, segues into genuine parenting dilemmas, ends with relatable chatter about hygiene in modern life.
• Listener Engagement: Heavy caller participation provides a rich, community-driven feel.
• Tone & Style: Laid-back, witty, self-deprecating, and fast-moving with a family-morning-radio flavor.
• Takeaway: If you enjoy a mix of pop culture, real-life debates, listener stories, and irreverent humor—all centered on daily life’s random but relatable challenges—this episode is for you.

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Note: Timestamps (MM:SS) refer to the actual podcast audio. Non-content sections (ads, intros/outros) are not included in this summary.

Transcript

[Burt]

The Birch show.

[Jeff]

I got an email or we got an email yesterday, and I thought it would be a good time to bring back Atlanta Snopes.

[Wendy]

Okay.

[Jeff]

If you've never been on Snopes, the.

[Burt]

Church at the bottom of Lake Lanier's is gonna be another one of those, right?

[Jeff]

For those that don't know what Snopes.com.

[Burt]

Is, Jeff, it's the website where you debunk all the urban legends. So, you know, it's a. There's always the story that if you dial a certain code from your cell phone, you'll be charged a ton of money. Or if you get in your car and there's something stuck to the back window, you have to be careful because that means somebody's hiding behind your car and they're gonna get you when you go to remove it. And all these war. Any forwarded email, go to. Before you forward it on to someone else, go to Snopes and type in a few keywords and make sure it's legit. Cause 9 out of 10 of them are not. Don't buy any oil from a certain gas company on this date. Oil prices are dropped by $2 a gallon.

[Jeff]

It takes myths. And they just. They either legitimize them or they say, no, it's completely fake. Right? So we decided to do Atlanta Snopes, where there are rumors or there are different myths about Atlanta that are going on that we talk about. And you guys call up and you can either confirm or deny them. I'm asking you guys to either tell us if this is true in the firefighting world or not. Says, hey, Bert, as a firefighter's wife, I just wanted to tell you to be really careful about how you find this fireman so that you don't actually get him into trouble at work. A lot of counties are having trouble with firehouse groupies. There's your key. Firehouse groupies who show up at stations and hang out trying to nab a firefighter. Firefighter, whether they are single or not. Now, you haven't done this yet, Wendy, but you sure would be open to that.

[Wendy]

Definitely. I'll make some cookies.

[Caller/Guest]

I don't know how to cook, but I'll learn.

[Jeff]

So the wives of these firefighters got all upset because they felt that their husbands should be getting paid to work, not flirt with girls. This has caused so much trouble that a lot of counties are really cracking down on firefighters having unannounced visitors at stations, especially female ones.

[Wendy]

That is funny.

[Jeff]

So I wanna know if this is true or not. A is There really such thing as firehouse groupies? And B, is it just known in the firehouse that you're not allowed to have unannounced visitors at the stations, especially females, because the wives have created quite a stink about it?

[Wendy]

And C, does this translate into any other profession? I mean, maybe cops, but anything else? Could you imag any groupie? It's laughable if you think of any other profession. And so there's groupies hanging out outside the door, out of the office.

[Jeff]

You'd be a firehouse groupie?

[Wendy]

Well, no, I want a groupie to bring me food. That'd be awesome.

[Jeff]

You have that. He's called Adam.

[Wendy]

But it does make sense at the firehouse.

[Caller/Guest]

Cause those guys are there for 24.

[Wendy]

Hour shifts and they're there and they're cooking and they're hanging out or whatever. They're like sitting there. They're prey. Little groupies to go prey on.

[Jeff]

There are some women that just like different professions, you know, so I can imagine that, but I can't imagine them being. How are you a firefighter groupie? Like, where do you show up? Like you're monitoring some kind of.

[Wendy]

At the firehouse? I mean, you know where. I mean, everybody knows where the fire. And usually if the doors are open, the trucks are out there. There's sometimes guys just hanging out. So you can, you know, easily strike up a conversation with a firefighter. And they're fit and they're in uniform and all that stuff. I mean, save the day. I mean, come on. Of course they have groupies.

[Jeff]

Hey, Lisa.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, good morning. There is firehouse groupies.

[Jeff]

There are firehouse groupies.

[Wendy]

Are you one of them?

[Caller/Guest]

No, I am not. I work in ems and I've got a lot of friends that work in the fire department. And there are a lot of firehouse groupies.

[Wendy]

Do they just show up? Is it groups of them? I mean, how does that work?

[Caller/Guest]

They're usually invited by the firefighters.

[Jeff]

Oh, really?

[Caller/Guest]

So it's like one of them has.

[Wendy]

A girlfriend and then she brings like a whole bunch of her girlfriends.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, that's usually how it goes. They just all get in there together and hang out and watch TV at the firehouse or hang out in the bay.

[Jeff]

Really? And is it known now that at the firehouses that unannounced visitors are prohibited, especially female ones?

[Caller/Guest]

They actually wait until everybody else goes home, about five or six. That's whenever the girls can come over and the guys not get in trouble.

[Jeff]

Really?

[Caller/Guest]

Very stinky.

[Jeff]

Crystal here on Q100. Good morning.

[Caller/Guest]

Hi, guys. How Are you doing good?

[Jeff]

All right. We're trying to figure out if this is myth or not. And it sounds like it's not a myth, that it's legit.

[Caller/Guest]

I have to agree. My fiance is an officer, and they have a split station with a fireman. And he was actually telling me that girls would come up there every now and then during a little he giggle and try to get some firemen. And knowing that nine times out of ten, they're not single. They come up there, sometimes show up with cookies and crap, and he's here complaining that they don't show up to cops. I'm like, hello, you put a ring on my finger. But. But I have to admit that I think it's true if cops are complaining and they all hate Fuck firefighters anyway. It has to be true.

[Wendy]

Firehouses in the geek squad both.

[Jeff]

Susan Q. 100. Good morning.

[Caller/Guest]

Hi. It's totally. I used to date a fireman in Southern California. And it's totally true. I don't know about. I don't know for sure if they're having a crackdown on it, but it is true. And the reason I met him, actually, is because I specifically wanted to date a fireman. And I would go to different fire stations and pretend I was lost because I was trying to find a specific one that I had seen. So I would go, like, I would stop at a. I saw Georgia tags on my car, and I would stop at different fire stations and say, ask for directions until I found the fire. And he told me that that happens all the time.

[Jeff]

So this is the truth. This is no myth. There are really firefighting groupies.

[Wendy]

They've got Yahoo groups, message boards, the best stations to stop by. Sure. I mean, that's. I'm sure there is.

[Jeff]

Hey, carla.

[Wendy]

Hello.

[Jeff]

Hey.

[Burt]

Findmyhoseman.com.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, my gosh. I just wanted to let y' all know that it does happen to police officers also.

[Wendy]

Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

And they are called badge chasers.

[Jeff]

Badge chasers. Nice. I have heard of badge bunnies before.

[Wendy]

Badge bunnies.

[Jeff]

Badge bunnies that only, like, will go out with either firemen or policemen.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

All right. So it's true.

[Wendy]

I bet bad bunnies do have a Yahoo group.

[Jeff]

You should Google badge bunnies right now, see what comes up and if it even runs through the filter. But so it's true. And the email said a lot of counties are having trouble with firehouse groupies who show up at stations, just hang out trying to nab a firefighter. Doesn't matter if you're single or not. So the Wives of these firefighters got all upset because they felt their husbands should be getting paid to work and not flirt. So it's caused so much problems that a lot of counties are cracking down on any kind of firefighter having unannounced visitors, especially women. So it's true. It's absolutely true.

[Burt]

The Birch Show.

[Jeff]

All right, I have a parenting etiquette question, so if you're a parent, help me out with this because I try to be sympathetic to parents because I am one, I've got two kids. But this has happened to me now twice over the last couple of weeks. And the first time it happened, I was in Charleston a few weeks ago and I'm at a restaurant and I go into the men's bathroom. And while I'm in there, I'm doing my thing, doing my number one, right? A father will walk in there with his daughter. Right now, obviously he's there by himself. Maybe a single dad, maybe he's just got his daughter for the night, right? And my assumption is he doesn't want her to go into the girl's bathroom, the women's bathroom, by herself. For whatever reason, he doesn't feel that that's safe. And that makes sense to me at a certain age. But like twice now over the last couple of weeks, it's been like seven or eight year old girls. And I'm wondering where the cutoff is on that because to me it doesn't seem real healthy for the girl and it certainly is uncomfortable for all the guys that are in the men's bathroom. Am I just being sensitive to that or does it seem a little strange?

[Wendy]

I never thought about single dads or dads with their kids in the guys bathroom because in a women's bathroom it is. I mean, it doesn't even phase you because you see kids in there all the time with their mom. So I'm surprised that he would not think a seven or eight year old girl could go to the bathroom on her own in a women's restroom because maybe, I mean, I've just. I guess I can see where he'd be concerned about her being in a room full of strangers, but I just don't understand why she couldn't go to the bathroom by herself.

[Jeff]

And I'm just curious what the etiquette is on that. Has that ever happened to you?

[Burt]

I can't think it's. I don't think it's ever happened to me, but I can see, like, I'm trying to see. I'm terrible with kids ages. Like I always have to ask Jessica. How old is that one? How old? You know what I mean?

[Jeff]

But like I used to be until I had my own. And I could tell they were older than Hayden, and Hayden's five and a half. So I'm gonna assume she was like both of them were like seven or eight years old.

[Burt]

But like eight years old is like.

[Wendy]

Seems icky.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Wendy]

To be in a guy's bathroom, you.

[Caller/Guest]

Start to ask questions, Right?

[Jeff]

Yeah. Like, and in a lot of cases still you don't have those family restrooms where you can go in there. And it's just one stall for you and your daughter, you and your son. So you're sort of forced to make a decision. Do you let your daughter go in the women's bathroom all by herself or do you bring her into the guy's bathroom where all the dudes junk's hanging out? They don't even know that there's a girl behind them, so who knows, you know, and guys are messy, sloppy.

[Wendy]

Yeah. I don't know, some of them are.

[Jeff]

Like all untucked when they walk away from the urinal or whatever.

[Wendy]

Oh, dude, you all are gross.

[Jeff]

Totally.

[Wendy]

Yeah. Women's bathrooms are a lot more private than that. So I don't know, I don't know what the etiquette is.

[Burt]

A boy in a women's bathroom not as bad because they're stalls.

[Jeff]

Right. Hey, Tammy. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey.

[Jeff]

Hey.

[Caller/Guest]

Totally inappropriate.

[Jeff]

Like, what's the cutoff age?

[Caller/Guest]

Totally. Did you say seven or eight?

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

Because that's completely and utterly inappropriate. Seven, eight year old girls are more than able to take care of them. They their business, if you will, in a restroom by themselves. And all dad has to do is stand outside that door and wait, you know, for them. He's right there. And so totally inappropriate. I would never, never allow my husband to do that with my children, my girls, ever.

[Jeff]

You think it's just a case of the dad being overly protective and he's like, I'd rather have her in my sight in a guy's bathroom than out of my sight in a woman's bathroom?

[Caller/Guest]

No, I don't. I think it's disgusting. Personally, I think that that's way across the line. I truly do. Because you're talking exposure here.

[Jeff]

So at what age do you just. Are you okay by yourself? Like five?

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, I don't know. First of all, if I wouldn't let my husband take my little one who wasn't quite potty trained or ready for if they're Going to be out that long. I would just go with and handle it myself. I would never let my little girl go into a men's bathroom.

[Wendy]

So you're saying ever, you wouldn't let your husband ever take ever, ever, ever, ever.

[Jeff]

And I've seen him more than once and I'm only sensitive to it because I've seen it the last couple of weeks more often than I ever have before.

[Burt]

Can the argument be made that the guys, anything that would be seen, the guys are turned facing the wall so they just walk quickly into a stall.

[Jeff]

But you know how like some guys will like still be untucked when they.

[Burt]

But they're on talks but they don't have everything hanging out.

[Jeff]

Still too close for comfort for me. It was my daughter. Hey Jessica, you're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey guys. Well, I'll differ a little bit from your last caller and say that I think it depends on where you're at. I have a six year old little girl and we have two older boys. But first of all, my husband takes her out plenty. And if she's gonna need to go to the bathroom while they're out, listen, I'm not going along for the ride, okay? He's a big boy, he can handle it. But if it's somewhere that's maybe kind of shady or somewhere you've never been before or whatever, I would much rather him take her into the men's bathroom. I think he's capable of making sure that, you know, it's a, you know, comfortable situation for both of them. He of course doesn't want her to see anybody good.

[Burt]

You mean shady? You mean like, you know, look at the pink pony?

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Caller/Guest]

Now if there's a pink pony, we might have an issue.

[Jeff]

That's, that's an after 8:30 phoner. Good morning, Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Good morning. How are you all?

[Jeff]

Good. How are you?

[Caller/Guest]

Good. Well, I have two daughters and I wouldn't have a problem with them going in the bathroom when they were about 8 years old and my youngest was 5 because you know, like she was saying too, there are some places where I just would not let my daughters go in by themselves.

[Jeff]

And the age for you again was what?

[Caller/Guest]

About 8 years old? You know, because I mean, if you think about it, I mean if we've had a single only one bathroom and we're all been there together, I mean, I just don't think at 8 years old, you know, a little girl's looking at, going, oh, look at that, look at that. It's just, you know, it's just not something that you know would happen.

[Jeff]

No, I don't put it on the eight year old. But I mean, if it's in there and they're going to see it. See, I've said this before also, like, when Stacy's not around and I have Hayden, I'm in complete defense mode. My only goal is to get him back to his mother breathing. So I can understand why some of these guys are like, I don't care if it's inappropriate. I just need to have my eyes on her because she's not gonna be lost on my watch. So I don't care how inappropriate it is.

[Wendy]

Right. How can she get lost in a girl's bathroom?

[Jeff]

I don't know.

[Burt]

Who knows? Like, what if you go in, you don't realize it's like there's a door on the other side. I can understand that just freaks you out because there's. You know what I mean? Or like, what if she goes in there and who knows? Like, there's a line and like the time starts ticking away and that's the one thing you're in charge of. If you can't check that out, if.

[Jeff]

It'S 0.05% that there's another door in there that she could exit out of, I can understand where the dads are coming from because like I said, the.

[Wendy]

Only goal where the door was somewhere different than the door you walked in. Like a hall.

[Burt]

Think of the ones at Turner Field.

[Jeff]

Well, you would see that one though, wouldn't you? Because you go in one and you go out the other.

[Wendy]

I'm saying that they face the same hallway is what I'm saying. You don't exit or there's no other hallway.

[Burt]

Right.

[Wendy]

But there's no back door to a bathroom.

[Burt]

This is just my thinking. Like, think of if you're in that hallway and it's between innings at a busy game, like, that kid could come out and turn left and gone.

[Jeff]

And you got to remember, even see her, you're in defense mode. So logic is completely out of the window at this point. Good morning. Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, hi. I work at a pool and I know the legal age, okay.

[Wendy]

The legal age that they can take like a daughter into the men's bathroom.

[Caller/Guest]

Legal age for any young child to go into the opposite sex bathroom.

[Wendy]

And what is that?

[Caller/Guest]

It's six.

[Jeff]

Six years old.

[Wendy]

Yes.

[Caller/Guest]

Six is the cutoff. But there is some sort of, you know, give or take, depending, you know, being a single parent or not. So.

[Wendy]

Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

It's really hard to say, but yeah, six is supposed to be the cutoff.

[Jeff]

Okay? So legally six. Thank you. Good morning, Reese, you're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey there, Bircho. I love you guys. You're wonderful.

[Jeff]

Thank you.

[Caller/Guest]

And I have a crush on you. Bert, your voice is hot.

[Jeff]

Oh, thank you.

[Wendy]

Well, my goodness.

[Jeff]

Cool, thanks.

[Caller/Guest]

Any which way.

[Burt]

Why don't you say something really sexy about taking an eight year old girl into the bathroom?

[Caller/Guest]

Well, my ex husband, when he had my daughter, he would take her in. But the cutoff with him was five years old. When he first told me he took her in, I freaked out. But what he did was he covered her eyes and had her facing him and ran into the stall with her.

[Jeff]

I'd blindfold her. She looked like some kind of hostage.

[Caller/Guest]

Man, more sense, you know, and he was like, you know, I know how you are. I would never leave her out. I'd never. Because God forbid, you know, somebody took her and I didn't notice, she walked away, blah, blah, blah. And so I was like, you know what? That's better than you losing my kids, right?

[Jeff]

I can understand that.

[Caller/Guest]

That was better.

[Jeff]

I sort of get it. Good morning, don, you're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Good morning. Eight year old. And I just don't understand why dad would think it's okay to take her in there at that age. Because she knows my 8 year old talks, she thinks boys are gross and she knows they have the penis and the difference. And she's very independent and would never want to go in there at that age anyway. So I think it's the dad being a little bit overprotective. He's got to turn the loose just a little bit. And you know, if it's somewhere like Turner Field or somewhere, and the bathroom has an entrance and an exit and it's huge. Meet eye contact with some lady that's going in with, with her kids and just say something to the effect like, yeah, you know, my daughter's going in or something. I mean, I know my husband has done that a bunch. He used to take her into the bathroom with him. But, you know, that's changed.

[Wendy]

I will, I will say that, you know, because I know a lot of people thought, well, you don't want to trust a stranger. You don't know the stranger. But there is this. Lisa, what I've noticed when there's a kid in the bathroom, there is this protectiveness in a women's bathroom knowing that there's a kid in there, like always keeping an eye on him and making sure that he or she stays with the mom and stuff. So it's just weird.

[Jeff]

Sure.

[Burt]

It's like the modern day takes a village. It takes a restroom.

[Wendy]

I mean, it is weird how there is this sense of obligation in a women's bathroom when a kid walks in.

[Jeff]

And I think that last caller made a really good point also. There's, like, more of an inherent trust, obviously, if there's a woman walking into the bathroom with other kids than if she's walking in there solo.

[Burt]

Right. The Birch Show. This article should have been written, dear Burt, is how it should have started.

[Jeff]

And I was never like this until my kids were born. And now I'm just, like, so sensitive to anything dirty or fecal matter.

[Burt]

Well, you had a little bit of this in you because I think you had this idea before there was a Hollis or a Hayden. The idea that they're talking about in the paper is. And by the way, they have a picture on the front. If you look at the living section, they actually show Burt leaving a public.

[Wendy]

Restroom with his Hazmat suit on.

[Burt]

Yeah, on the right. But basically the idea is that people are becoming so germaphobic that they are making bathrooms cleaner by making them completely touch free.

[Jeff]

We talked about this years ago.

[Burt]

So you know how it started, I think with the restrooms. The toilets and then also the urinals in the men's room, where when it detects motion in front of it and the motion moves away, it flushes automatically. Then they put the same things on the seat sinks. So you run your hand under it 27 times, like using the self checkout line at the grocery store, and you can never quite get it.

[Jeff]

You got the paper towel thing going on also. Yeah.

[Burt]

Wait in front of the paper towel. Now they've got their special handles on the doors. There's a picture of it. It's actually brilliant.

[Jeff]

Couldn't be happier about this.

[Wendy]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Where's the picture?

[Burt]

There's a picture, Bert, of It's shaped like an L. Look at. And that's how you leave the bathroom. Can you see that?

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Burt]

So you lock your arm. So you lock your arm in it and you pull it open that way so you don't touch it with your hand.

[Wendy]

You never use it with your hand.

[Burt]

Because the technique right now is, you know, to take a clean paper towel, open the door. When you get the door open, you kind of kick it all the way open. And then you test your basketball skills with the paper towel or you return to your table with it.

[Wendy]

Right.

[Burt]

So the number until this is adopted by all Restrooms. I would like to suggest that every restroom have a small waste paper basket in the little area, you know, after you've gone out the door, but before you've turned into the restaurant, you know what I'm talking about. So people can just drop their. And the only thing that will go in there will be dry paper towels that people have used to open the door. So I would recommend that. And then also I think if. Why can't you just make restroom doors that push out? Like, why do they all have to open in.

[Jeff]

You still got a touch, though, you.

[Burt]

Know.

[Jeff]

Shoulder, forehead or your tongue or something.

[Burt]

Yeah, just lick it, use your tongue and push it open. When I was on a cruise ship earlier this year in the cause, I guess they're more worried about germs. You know, if somebody gets stomach, a.

[Wendy]

Lot of outbreaks of like a lot of illnesses. And if you're on a ship and you get one of those illnesses, it's pretty bad.

[Jeff]

If there's nowhere to run, nowhere to.

[Wendy]

Hide, it spreads through the ship pretty fast.

[Burt]

So in. In the restrooms there, they have a little napkin holder that's right next to the door and it's. There's a picture of people. You're supposed to take one of those napkins and use them to push over the door. Push open the door.

[Wendy]

Yeah. And the ship I was on, they had Purell dispensers, stand up dispensers next to the elevators for the buttons on the elevator.

[Jeff]

That's an important one too. It's not like the second most contaminated place in an office building, with the first being the microwave.

[Wendy]

The microwave button to push it open.

[Burt]

Now that we've got the bathrooms all covered for you, Bird, here's something else for you to worry about, to freak out about. This is actually from a doctor. He's trying to figure out how to avoid handshakes because he said so many people, especially during, you know, cold season, don't wash. Like, people go. People will go an entire day without.

[Jeff]

Washing their hands, sneeze into it.

[Burt]

Like an entire day. And I've gotten into the habit when I cough now of using. They want you to use the fabric of your shirt. But people like Melissa pointed this out a while ago how much people touch their face and stuff without even thinking about it.

[Wendy]

That's how you get sick. It's not the fact that your hands are dirty. It's the fact that you touch your nose, you touch your mouth, you touch your eyes. Like, you know, after I had my transplant, that was hardest thing for me to do because that was the number one thing they said do not touch your face anymore and just try, try to go through the rest of today without touching your face and you can't do it.

[Jeff]

Don't they say like the Perth the bottom of purses are the worst, Right?

[Wendy]

Well, they're pretty nasty because you notice how you always put your purse on the floor when you go anywhere to sit down or whatever. The bottom of your purse is pretty nasty.

[Burt]

So this doctor, he's an infectious disease specialist so he knows what he's talking about with all of his friends and acquaintances.

[Wendy]

They just do the like Howie Mandel pound it.

[Burt]

They will not.

[Jeff]

Yep, still skin on skin. I don't like that.

[Burt]

But he won't shake hands.

[Jeff]

I know. It's just a little piece on.

[Wendy]

How about the elbow and skin on skin. Wear long sleeves.

[Burt]

Some people in on college campuses with colds and flu, it's spread on message boards and everything that you just do a Japanese style bow.

[Jeff]

I'd love that.

[Burt]

No touching.

[Wendy]

Yeah. Okay, I'm going to do that today. I'm just going to go to somebody say hey, Melissa. I'm just going to bow real slow.

[Jeff]

Hello, Melissa.

[Caller/Guest]

Son, you go to shake your hand.

[Burt]

But when they stick their hand out instead of doing that you just.

[Jeff]

Melissa went to Benihana this weekend just getting all Asian on us.

[Burt]

Kelly Clarkson does it.

[Jeff]

She hugs. Yeah. Hey Ashley, you're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Hi. Am I on?

[Jeff]

Yeah, you are.

[Caller/Guest]

Good morning guys. I love you guys.

[Wendy]

Thank you.

[Caller/Guest]

I want to tell you that I can't really say who I work for but I actually work. I'm a beauty advisor at a makeup counter in the mall. Oh yeah. I have been obsessed with germs because my dad has been OCD since I was a child. So I've been raised in a instilled of you don't do such this blah, blah, blah. But the testers at the makeup counter, ladies. Oh God, please, please don't touch them, please. Like the eyeshadows, women stick their finger in there and test it and see if it, you know, looks good or the lipsticks. Just don't touch them, please. I mean I have a personal alcohol bottle, pure alcohol bottle. I take with me everywhere and spray like the handles at the grocery store and everything. Like on the buggies.

[Wendy]

Yeah, those are pretty nasty. Yeah, the makeup counter does freak me out. I won't do. The only tester I will do is a, you know, perfume. But I will not do the other stuff because that's kind of Gross.

[Jeff]

Isn't that the quickest way to get, like, pink eye? That thing that Snoop has all the time?

[Wendy]

What is.

[Burt]

No, he's got a different version of pink eye.

[Jeff]

If you guys are, like, using some of those testing things on your eyes.

[Wendy]

Yeah, I'm sure it can. Cause, I mean, what people don't notice. Like, even in mascara, there's, like, stuff in your mascara to help keep germs at bay. The germs that you keep putting in your mascara. So if you use mascara for a long time, you need to throw it out because whatever they put in there, you know, kind of goes old over time. There's. I forgot what it is. But it's something there specifically for the germs you keep putting in there from your eye.

[Jeff]

Fun talk. Really fun. Hey, Joey, you're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, I work for an environmental company, and my boss refuses to shake hands with people. What he does is he touches their elbow, and that's his handshake.

[Jeff]

That's what you see.

[Caller/Guest]

The elbow thing's working, but still, it's.

[Jeff]

Still skin on skin, I guess. But you're not touching your elbow to your face or anything like that. So it certainly is safer.

[Wendy]

Well. And I want to go back to Jeff saying the hug. Like, that's all cool and stuff, but do not kiss me. I don't need to be kissed when we see each other because I save all that. I don't want to be rude, but that I. You know, because again, I can't touch my hands to my face. I can't kiss you. I cannot kiss you because I may get something from you, and I'm not trying to offend you, but you don't know how nasty you are. So. And I. So the huggers are people who always feel the need to add an extra piece of intimacy with the hug, and I don't need it.

[Burt]

I'm trying to come up with something that's intimate yet germ safe. So I'm going to just start lightly touching my face against a person's breast. You know, because it's covered in clothing and everything, but it's still intimate because.

[Wendy]

It'S my face like a cat.

[Burt]

So it's just going to be a little butterfly kiss of the breast is what I'm going for. Which is awkward when you meet guys, but if you hang out with a good group of women, it's totally worth it. The Birch Show.