The Bert Show – Episode Summary

Podcast: The Bert Show
Episode: Full Show PT 1: Friday, January 30 [Vault]
Date: January 30, 2026
Main Hosts: Burt, Jeff, Wendy
Main Theme:
A classic morning show episode blending humor, myth-busting, parenting dilemmas, guest call-ins, and germaphobic confessions. The hosts share authentic and relatable moments from their lives while riffing on quirky local myths and everyday etiquette, serving up laughs, real talk, and listener participation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Atlanta Snopes: Myth-Busting Local Legends

[00:00–06:52]

• Premise: Jeff introduces the Atlanta version of the website Snopes.com by inviting listeners to confirm or debunk urban legends specific to Atlanta.
• Segment Focus: “Firehouse groupies” – women allegedly showing up at fire stations to meet firefighters, causing issues among firefighter spouses.

Highlights:

• Jeff: "We decided to do Atlanta Snopes, where there are rumors or different myths about Atlanta that are going on...and you can either confirm or deny them." [00:50]
• Caller Lisa: Confirms firehouse groupies are real, typically invited by the firefighters themselves, and often bring friends to hang out at the firehouse. [03:21–03:58]
• Caller Crystal: Adds that "badge chasers" exist for both firemen and policemen, though firefighters seem to attract more. “Girls would come up there...trying to get some firemen—sometimes show up with cookies and crap.” [04:28–05:00]
• Susan (Caller): Shares she met a fireman by intentionally visiting many fire stations pretending to be lost – says this happens all the time and groupies even use message boards to coordinate. [05:06–05:54]
• Carla (Caller): Confirms police have their own groupies too, called “badge chasers” or “badge bunnies.” [05:56–06:17]

Notable Quotes:

• “Findmyhoseman.com.” – Burt (joking about how to find a fireman) [05:56]
• “I have heard of badge bunnies before.” – Jeff [06:11]
• Consensus: Multiple call-ins verify the urban legend is true: firehouse groupies are a real thing in Atlanta and other cities, and there have been crackdowns on unannounced (especially female) visitors. The same is true for police ("badge chasers").

2. Parenting Etiquette: Children in Opposite-Sex Public Restrooms

[06:53–17:22]

• Jeff: Describes his recent encounters where single dads bring daughters (around 7–8 years old) into men’s restrooms. Wonders what the societal “cutoff age” should be and if his discomfort is warranted. [06:53]
• Wendy and Burt: Discuss the unremarkable nature of boys being in women’s bathrooms and question why girls that age couldn’t go into the women’s restroom alone. [08:00–08:33]

Listeners Call In:

• Tammy: “That’s completely and utterly inappropriate...Seven, eight year old girls are more than able to take care of their business if you will, in a restroom by themselves.” [09:40–10:08]
• Jessica: Offers a pragmatic view—depends where you are; in “shady” places, she’d prefer her husband take their daughter to the men’s room and ensure she’s comfortable. [11:27–12:04]
• Another Caller: Supports the “depends on situation” answer but feels age eight is the upper limit. [12:15–12:57]
• Legal Angle: Caller at a pool says the legal cutoff for kids to be in an opposite-sex bathroom is six years old, “but there is some sort of, you know, give or take, depending...being a single parent or not.” [14:24–14:49]
• Reese (Caller): Her ex-husband took their daughter in up to age five, always shielding her eyes and hustling her in and out for safety’s sake. “You know, I know how you are. I would never leave her out...God forbid, you know, somebody took her.” [15:05–15:44]

Host Reactions:

• Burt: Relates to the “defense mode” of dads, but acknowledges discomfort.
• Wendy: Comments on women’s bathrooms being protective and the “village” mentality when a child is present.
• Jeff: Speaks to the paranoia of parenthood: “My only goal is to get him back to his mother breathing.” [12:57]

Memorable Moment:
“It’s like the modern day takes a village. It takes a restroom.” – Burt [17:04]

3. Germaphobia & the Rise of Touch-Free Bathrooms

[17:22–24:41]

• Context: The hosts discuss an article about touch-free bathrooms, expressing delight over innovations designed to minimize germ transfer (autoflush toilets, motion-activated faucets, L-shaped door handles to use with your arm, etc.).
• Burt: Advocates for more waste bins by the door for used paper towels and questions why so many restroom doors must open inward. [19:05–19:36]
• Burt’s Cruise Anecdote: Notes that cruise ships have napkin dispensers for opening doors and Purell stations by elevators due to the high risk of outbreaks. [19:41–20:13]
• Jeff/Wendy: Discuss elevator buttons and purses as germ hot spots. [20:18–21:22]

Handshakes & Alternative Greetings:

• Story: Doctors recommend alternatives to handshakes during cold/flu season due to hygiene concerns.
• Wendy: “That was hardest thing for me to do...after my transplant, that was the number one thing they said: Do not touch your face anymore.” [21:01]

Cultural Alternatives:

• Burt: Suggests, jokingly, the Japanese bow as a non-contact greeting; Jeff says he’d love that. [21:49–21:59]

Call-In Highlights:

• Ashley (Beauty Advisor): Warns listeners about the dangers of shared makeup testers at department store counters. “Oh God, please, please don’t touch them, please...I have a personal alcohol bottle, pure alcohol bottle. I take with me everywhere...” [22:20–23:10]
• Joey (Environmental Company): Shares his boss only does elbow bumps as a handshake alternative. [23:55–24:08]
• Wendy: Draws the line at hugs and definitely NO kisses. “You don’t know how nasty you are.” [24:13]
• Burt: Caps the segment with a ridiculous but “germ safe” greeting: “I’m going to just start lightly touching my face against a person’s breast...a little butterfly kiss of the breast.” [24:41]

Notable Quotes & Timestamped Highlights

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |------------|------------------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:14 | Burt | “Any forwarded email, go to Snopes... 9 out of 10 of them are not. Don’t buy oil from a certain gas company...” | | 01:42 | Jeff | “A lot of counties are really cracking down on firefighters having unannounced visitors, especially female ones.”| | 03:21 | Caller Lisa | “There is firehouse groupies.” | | 04:28 | Caller Crystal | “Girls would come up there every now and then...sometimes show up with cookies and crap.” | | 06:06 | Caller/Jeff | “And they are called badge chasers.” “I have heard of badge bunnies before.” | | 07:00 | Jeff | “I’ve been at a restaurant...a father will walk in there with his daughter... maybe a single dad... I’m wondering where the cutoff is on that.” | | 09:40 | Tammy (Caller) | “Totally inappropriate. Seven-, eight-year-old girls are more than able to take care of them... in a restroom by themselves.” | | 12:57 | Jeff | “My only goal is to get him back to his mother breathing.” | | 17:04 | Burt | “It’s like the modern day takes a village. It takes a restroom.” | | 18:05 | Burt | “So you run your hand under [the sensor] 27 times, like using the self-checkout at the grocery store...” | | 19:05 | Burt | “I would like to suggest that every restroom have a small waste-paper basket after you’ve gone out the door...” | | 21:01 | Wendy | “That was the hardest thing for me to do... do not touch your face anymore...” | | 21:49 | Burt | “You just do a Japanese-style bow.” | | 22:20 | Ashley (Caller) | “Oh God, please, please don’t touch them, please...I have a personal alcohol bottle, pure alcohol bottle I take with me everywhere...” | | 24:41 | Burt | “I’m going to just start lightly touching my face against a person’s breast...a little butterfly kiss of the breast is what I’m going for.” |

Additional Memorable Moments

• Listeners’ Variety: Call-ins featured a wide range of real-life experience, from public safety professionals, germ experts, to everyday parents—giving each topic depth and authenticity.
• Running Gags: Repeated jokes about groupies for odd professions (“Findmyhoseman.com”), badge bunnies, and alternative handshakes kept the mood light.
• Hosts’ Candor: Burt and Jeff’s openness about their own neuroticism around germs and parenthood offered comic relief and relatability.

Useful for Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In

• Episode Flow: Begins with local myth-busting and hilarity, segues into genuine parenting dilemmas, ends with relatable chatter about hygiene in modern life.
• Listener Engagement: Heavy caller participation provides a rich, community-driven feel.
• Tone & Style: Laid-back, witty, self-deprecating, and fast-moving with a family-morning-radio flavor.
• Takeaway: If you enjoy a mix of pop culture, real-life debates, listener stories, and irreverent humor—all centered on daily life’s random but relatable challenges—this episode is for you.

Note: Timestamps (MM:SS) refer to the actual podcast audio. Non-content sections (ads, intros/outros) are not included in this summary.