Full Show PT 1: Friday, January 9 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Friday, January 9 [Vault]

Date: January 9, 2026
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)

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Main Theme Overview

This lively episode kicks off the new year with the Bert Show cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & co.) bringing listeners into their world of relatable real talk, humor, and honest takes. The two key themes are:

• How Much Are We Spending on Dates These Days? A revealing (and sometimes jaw-dropping) look at the current cost of going out, including all the hidden prep expenses that stack up for men and women both.

• Relationship Privacy: Where’s the Line? A candid discussion, anchored by listener calls, about trust, snooping on partner's messages, and why some people just can’t stop themselves from checking voicemails, emails, and more—even when they know it's wrong.

Throughout, Bert and the crew mix frank listener call-ins with their trademark laughs, personal stories, and spirited debates about modern love and dating.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Are People Actually Spending on Dates?

- Listener Call-ins: Ranges and Sticker Shock [(01:45–14:58)]

• Bert poses the survey question: What did you spend on a date last weekend? He's shocked by recent data and wants first-hand reporting from listeners.

• Most callers report spending between $25 and $60 for a typical dinner or movie date:

  • Movie + snacks: $25 (Michael, 02:23)
  • Six Flags + dinner: $33 (Kyle, 04:28)
  • Meal and movie: $45 (Rod, 04:54)
  • Stepping up: “Average is anywhere from 55 to maybe 60.” (Rod, 05:11)

• Epic outlier: Greg recounts a huge night out (haircut, mani/pedi, new outfit, multi-venue party) totaling $525! (Greg, 05:38–06:34)

  • “I can’t have no girl look better than me. I’m sorry, I can’t do it.” (Greg, 06:10)
  • His girlfriend, Tanya, joins: "I'm worth it." (Tanya, 07:47)

• Hidden costs: Clothing, beauty treatments, drinks, valet, car detailing, and even parking or bathroom tips are factored into the true price of impressing a date.

- National Survey Statistics & Gender Breakdown [(09:41–11:41)]

• Bert cites a national average: “The average that most people are spending on a date now is $300.” (Bert, 09:45)
• Women reportedly spend $295 (hair, clothes, beauty) before they even go out. Men’s reported average is $310, including prep and the date itself. (Bert & Kristin, 10:30–10:47)
  • “That has got to be a first date average.” (Kristin, 10:52)
• Memorable:
  • “You guys need a raise for sure.” (Bert, 01:45)
  • “Falling in love: priceless.” (Bert, 02:49)

- The Price of a Drink [(12:00–14:58)]

• “Why does a drink in Atlanta cost what it does in New York?” (Bert, 09:12)
• Markups: A bar manager says liquor’s “general 30% markup” (William, 12:09). Another caller counters from CA: “Top shelf is a 300% markup!” (Jenna, 13:24)
• “Don’t you wish everything was negotiable? Now knowing it’s 300% markup…” (Bert, 13:53)
• Social pressure means guys “pay anything” on dates, sometimes at the cost of financial sense.

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2. Privacy vs. Trust: Why Are We Checking Our Partner’s Phones?

- Listener Confessions: Snooping Habits & Motivations [(16:47–30:25)]

• Bert reads a confession:
  “I just wanted to know if there’s anyone else besides me who checks her boyfriend’s messages on his cell phone and he doesn’t know it... I do it faithfully, at least five times a day, maybe more if I’m bored.” (Listener email, 17:00)

• Some listeners admit hacking into their boyfriend’s multiple email accounts, checking voicemails, and even creating files of correspondence. (19:13–20:00)

  • “Honey, I am too good I can access all three accounts: Work, Home, and Yahoo.” (Listener, 19:13)

• Why the snooping?

  • Insecurities fueled by past cheating admissions (Carla, 25:44–28:54)
  • Lack of communication and wanting to fill information gaps
  • Some cite “control” or even “addictive excitement”
  • Others say they’re driven by “ego” or a need to prove a partner wrong

• What’s the downside?

  • “I think for some women, it is a matter of control in which they’re not getting communication they want... but if you’re at the point where you’re breaking into someone’s voicemail or email, you’ve got to question yourself—that’s a vicious cycle.” (Kristin, 21:25)
  • “It would be so exhausting to live with that kind of distrust all the time.” (Bert, 21:47)

- Are Relationships Worth Saving If There’s No Trust?

• Callers describe staying in relationships (and planning to marry!) men who cheated or lied repeatedly, rationalizing with “people can change.”
  • “I believe people can change. And hopefully I’m right.” (Peaches, 24:18)
• Others say it’s a trap: “You cannot trust this guy. You do not have trust. But you’re gonna marry him anyway?” (Bert, 24:10)
• “Is it really worth it? There’s millions of people out there.” (Stephanie, 29:47)
• Candid co-host reflection: “You get deeper into it... check it once, then you start to get obsessed about it.” (Kristin, 24:52)

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3. Friend-zoned Love: Should You Confess Your Feelings?

- Pete’s Dilemma & Panel Advice [(31:55–51:39)]

• Listener Pete calls in: Best friends with a woman for 5 years, tried dating, didn’t work, has always been in love with her; she doesn’t treat him romantically, he feels like “the shoulder to cry on.” (Pete, 32:06–34:23)

• Pete asks: Should I finally confess my feelings?

• Co-hosts discuss:

  • Is he being manipulated or taken advantage of? (“Doormat” theory)
  • Is friendship even possible once one person is in love?
  • Should you risk the friendship for a shot at something more?
  • Kristin: “You have to be honest and tell her. …If you’re at the point where you can’t be just a friend, you have to walk away.” (Kristin, 40:16)
  • Bert: “If you can’t go back to being friends... when the timing is right, just go for it. The relationship is over anyway.” (Bert, 43:42)

• Caller stories: Some warn “don’t do it!” (Kenya, 40:34); others share happily-ever-after tales (Jennifer, 47:22).

• Humorous moments:

  • “What you should do… form a collage of a giant picture of her head… have her accidentally discover that in your house. And then if it doesn’t work out, then you kill her.” (Bert, 50:51—jokingly referencing romcom tropes)
  • “Every time he hugs her, he’s thinking about going in for the kiss but he doesn’t. …Can you see the painful embrace, like she’s giving him, like, just a hug goodnight and he’s smelling her hair?” (Kristin & Bert, 47:04)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

The Cost of Dating

• Greg (Caller):
  “I spent like, $60 on my manicure and pedicure alone… The grand total was roughly $525.” (06:34)
• Tanya (Caller):
  "I'm worth it." (07:47)
• Bert:
  "You guys need a raise for sure." (01:45) "Falling in love: priceless." (02:49)

On Trust & Snooping

• Anonymous Listener:
  “I do trust him, right? … I’m just nosy.” (17:00)
• Kristin:
  “If you’re at the point where you’re breaking into someone’s voicemail... you’ve got to question yourself. That’s not — that’s such a vicious cycle.” (21:25)
• Stephanie (Caller):
  “It just completely disgusts me that women don’t have enough self-confidence in themselves to just say, is it really worth it? There’s millions of people out there.” (29:47)

On the Friend Zone

• Kristin:
  "He looks at you differently. He treats you differently, he talks to you differently. There is a look, a look in his eye that we know, and she knows it." (43:14)
• Bert:
  “Every minute that he is with her, there’s the chance that that could be the night that they make out.” (46:14) “He hears, ‘Hey, can we go to the library? … Maybe you can touch my boobs.’” (46:31, referencing romantic hopefulness)
• Kristin:
  “You have to be honest and tell her ... It’s not a true friendship. There’s not a balance there.” (40:16)

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Noteworthy Segments (with Approximate Timestamps)

• Average cost of a date—listener call-ins: 01:45–09:45
• Extreme date spending confession: 05:38–07:54
• National dating cost stats & gender breakdown: 09:41–11:41
• Drink markup discussion: 12:00–14:58
• Snooping segment—listeners share habits: 16:47–30:25
• Pete’s friend-zone dilemma and audience debate: 31:55–51:39

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Tone & Style

The Bert Show maintains a mix of irreverent humor, direct personal honesty, and empathetic listening. The hosts aren’t afraid to poke fun at themselves or their callers but always create space for emotional nuance and let listeners steer the conversation with real stories. Authenticity, relatability, and comic timing run throughout.

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Summary Usefulness:
This detailed recap provides all the surprising statistics, the humor and vulnerability of both hosts and callers, and the realities of modern dating, relationships, and self-worth dilemmas. You’ll get the episode’s core emotional beats even if you missed all 60+ minutes, from the price of cocktails to the price of trust.

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Transcript

[A]

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[A]

Actual price depends on product and plan purchased. The Birch show the question I have for y' all is if you went out on a date this weekend and you paid for that date, how much did you spend? Because I saw a survey this weekend and I looked at this number and I thought I this this absolutely can't be right. Things they couldn't have changed that much since I've been dating. Now, granted, I've been married eight years, and I've known Stacy for 11, so I probably haven't gone out on a date in 11 years. But if things have changed this much, y' all need a raise for sure. Good morning. Is it Michael?

[C]

Yes, it's Michael.

[A]

How are you this morning?

[C]

I'm fine. And you?

[A]

Doing okay. How much did you pay for your date this weekend?

[C]

You know what? I think the movie was $15. And then I paid for the snacks, and then he paid for lunch, so nothing exorbitant.

[A]

So when all is said and done, what are we looking at? 50 bucks.

[C]

50? No, to go to the movie. $15. And then, you know, popcorn, icy coke. Probably no more than about 25.

[A]

Maybe $25. All right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Falling in love. Priceless.

[B]

I'll pay anything just to spend that special time with you.

[A]

Andrew.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Hello, sir. How are you this morning?

[C]

Pretty good. How about you?

[A]

What'd you roll out this weekend, man?

[C]

$74.

[B]

And what did that. What was that for? Just dinner or.

[C]

That was just dinner. Yeah, but I will say that. That. That's really not even that high compared.

[B]

To what you spent before.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, I've spent a lot more in the past, but it was well worth it. It was a. It was a good second date.

[A]

A good second date. And you know, it was $74 because you just remember that number off the top of your head.

[C]

Yeah. That. Well, yeah. And I remember what I ended up tipping out. A hundred.

[A]

That's doing the math. At the end of the. At the end of the day, that's always tough, right? 74, 20%. 7, 14, 15. I can't figure it out.

[B]

But you're trying to be cool in front of your date. Like. Yeah, I know what to do. And I'm thinking, you know, you're putting your tip card out of your wallet just real quick. So if you start counting on your fingers, you know you've had too much to drink.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Right.

[A]

The height of dorky right there is if you bring out the tip card.

[C]

Tip card, yeah.

[A]

Now, Andrew, there are some hidden costs in the survey that I read this morning. Did you go out and did you get, like, clothes or did you get a haircut or anything before your date?

[C]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Maybe more of a girl thing than it is a guy thing to do something like that.

[B]

That's definitely a girl thing because you want to feel confident. And a lot of times we, like, feel better when we have on a brand New outfit. We got our hair done. We got, you know, cool piece of jewelry on or whatever. It's like, okay, you know, it's like superficial confidence.

[A]

Kyle. Good morning.

[C]

Good morning. How you doing?

[A]

Good, man. Where'd you go? What'd you do? And how much did you spend?

[C]

Well, I spent like $33. I got a. I got a deal on a ticket to Six Flags and then just out to dinner afterwards. So probably it was like 23 bucks for the Six Flags and like, around $10 for dinner.

[A]

Okay, 33 bucks. Was it money well spent?

[C]

Very much well spent.

[A]

Okay, thank you and good morning, Rod. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

[C]

Hey. How you doing?

[A]

All right, man. How much did you spend this weekend?

[C]

I spent about 40, $45.

[B]

And that's a meal. Was that a meal?

[C]

It was a meal. And we also went to the movies last night.

[A]

Okay, 45 bucks?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And is that, on average, what you normally spend on a date?

[C]

Actually, that is kind of lower than the average. The average is anywhere from, like, 55 to maybe 60. Just depends on where we go because we normally go to a little, you know, higher class restaurants.

[A]

That sounds about right to me. Yeah, 55 or 60 sounds like it should be about right. Hey, Greg, you're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

[C]

Hey, Bert.

[A]

How you doing? Excellent, man. How are you?

[C]

I'm doing all right.

[A]

How much did you spend this weekend?

[C]

I spent 350.

[A]

350 bucks?

[B]

Really? What was it all for?

[C]

Okay, we went to Justin's. Okay. And then we went to Justice. And then after justice, we went to Houston's.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And we spent drinks. Really? That's. That's where, like, the cost came in at. But I want to get back to what you were saying about people getting a haircut and all that. I went and got my haircut, manicured, and pedicure and bought a new outfit because I like to look good. 24 7.

[B]

You go blank.

[A]

Plus this. This girl must have been smoking, so.

[C]

Yeah, she was. I mean. I mean, I even had no girl look better than me. I'm sorry, I can't do it.

[B]

I need you to convince my husband to get a manicure and a pedicure, by the way, and still be manly about it because he refuses to do so. I think it's much more manly when you take care of your looks. So I. I commend you for that. But I want to know what was the grand total if you include the haircut, manicure, pedicure, outfit, plus the 350. What'd you spend on your date?

[C]

The grand total was roughly 525.

[A]

$500?

[C]

I mean, I spent. I spent like, $60 on my manicure and pedicure alone.

[A]

It must have been worth it. Cause she right next to you.

[C]

Exactly. You can't believe I'm on the bird show. Just. Just. Just talk to her for a second. Bird.

[A]

Sure. This is free. Hi. How are you?

[B]

Now are you.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Now, are you screaming because of us or because the $525.

[C]

No, because of you guys. Oh, my God.

[B]

I think this is the part.

[C]

I listen to you every morning.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I think this is the part that impressed her the most. And this is a free phone call. I know, right?

[A]

We're going to charge him 500 bucks.

[B]

I need to know where you are so that every time I walk in someplace, somebody's like, oh, my God.

[A]

What's your name?

[C]

I'm Tanya.

[B]

Hey, Tanya.

[A]

Hey, Tanya. This guy that you're there with, he spent over $500 to impress you this weekend.

[C]

I'm worth it.

[B]

All right?

[C]

He doesn't have a problem with it.

[A]

Doesn't sound like it. Now, is this. This couldn't have been a first date.

[C]

No, he's my boyfriend.

[B]

All right.

[A]

How long y' all been going out?

[C]

How long have we been going out, bae? It's been about six months. See, he remembers, and I don't see.

[A]

You got a good one there. He's getting manicures, pedicures, and he still remembers your anniversary day. You're doing okay.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Thank you for calling, you guys.

[B]

Bye. All right, bye. Tanya.

[A]

Here's the reason why I ask y'.

[C]

All.

[A]

And, Phil, how much are you spending when you're out with Mary Kane? She's got some pretty highfalutin tastes. Well, yeah, and he hit the nail on the head when he said it's the drinks that'll get you. I mean, because our dinners alone are 125 bucks. And then it's a little stuff you don't think about, like having to pay to park or having to pay a cover to get into a club. And, you know, that's 20 bucks here. That's tip here. I mean, even the little. You know, I don't. It's the biggest gyp in the world, but paying a dollar to go to the bathroom, like, you know, the bathroom valet ticks me off.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

A dollar to hate to hand already wet towel. Anyway, so I think on average, probably one date is about 200 bucks. But then you got to add in about another 75 to bail us out of jail at the end of the night. So it all depends. But I'd say on average, at least 200. 200.

[C]

Easily.

[A]

That's a lot of money.

[B]

That's a big budget item. Like, you know, when you're setting out your finances for the month, if you're dating, you got to set that aside.

[A]

I don. The drink thing I'll never understand in Atlanta. Why a drink in Atlanta costs you the same amount that it does in New York City. Like, you can't get it like a good drink anymore for less than $10 in the city.

[B]

I think it's an image thing. Is the only thing I can think of somebody trying to keep up, you know, to be cosmopolitan, that means that we have to charge too much for alcohol.

[A]

I'd love to talk to, like, somebody that owns a bar to find out how much it actually costs to have the bottle in the bar. And then what's the markup on that?

[B]

Clubs are the worst. The worst clubs are the worst at marking up Alco.

[A]

Okay. According to this survey, I feel bad if you are single because the average. The average that most people are spending on a date now is $300.

[B]

Ouch. Is this a national average? Like, this includes places like New York City.

[A]

This is a national average. So I guess New York and San Francisco and places like that, and maybe even Atlanta and LA raise that $300. But like I said, there are some hidden costs in there when it comes to women. There are our cost. Like getting your hair done and getting the clothes and all your beauty treatments and stuff. On average, A woman spends $295 before she goes out on that date. Does that sound accurate, y'?

[B]

All? Because if you get nice clothes. Yeah. I mean, you're talking about hair. If you get your hair done professionally. But even if you don't, the clothes alone would cost that. Yeah. Impress somebody. Yeah.

[A]

295.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And dudes are spending $310 on average on a date, man.

[C]

310.

[B]

That's expensive. Yeah, it is.

[A]

Really? I was shocked by that.

[B]

I just think. I wonder, you know, the pressure of. And that's gotta be a first date average. Because I just wonder the pressure on impressing somebody. Because it seems that to impress somebody, you feel the need to go to the nicest restaurants, which include the valet, which include the tip and the alcohol being so much. And then to go to a nice restaurant, you have to dress really nice. And that's the Clothes and. And, you know. Well, now with gas prices, you got to factor in the gas depending on how far you have to go to pick her up and stuff. I was thinking the car detailing would be in there, too, because guys, you know, normally keep their car kind of trashy, but when it's the first date night, clean it up. You got to go to the car wash, get a detail, clean it up.

[A]

Yeah, y' all aren't going to know how. How much of a slob we are until date three. Probably because we can keep the car clean for two days. Date three, you'll start to see the signs. Maybe a French fry. Maybe it'll just be one French fry.

[B]

That brown burnt one. Yeah.

[A]

It's just a sign of things to come.

[B]

One gym sock. That smells like it.

[A]

That's it. Maybe one Dasani bottle on the third date, but by the fifth date, it's like three Dasani bottles.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Good morning, William.

[C]

Good morning.

[A]

Hi.

[C]

How are you?

[A]

Good, sir. How are you doing?

[C]

Great. I'm here at work.

[A]

And where is that?

[C]

I work at Front Page.

[A]

At Front Page. Okay. Okay. Can you help us with this whole bar alcohol thing?

[C]

It's a general 30% markup.

[A]

30% markup? I would think it would be more than that.

[C]

Well, I also. I help run the kitchen, too, and that's about the same restaurant. Wide on food, liquor. It's also, according to how much business we do, we do about, you know, 60,000 a week in bar sales.

[B]

I'm surprised, too. I thought it'd be more of a markup than that.

[C]

Yeah, some places are. Some places actually can go as high as 80%.

[A]

Is that right?

[C]

But that's like, you know, if you're asking for, like, Barwell stuff like Stoley, things like that, or you're asking for absolute Right.

[A]

If you go top shelf, how much is the markup on that?

[C]

Top shelf's about 30%. Just because you can't charge anymore for markup. I mean, a good martini will cost you 11, 12 bucks anywhere. Yeah, they can still sell you cheap martini at $9 and make, you know, 50 markup.

[B]

And that's why those martini nights that Shannon was telling us about, like, the $5 martini nights, become so huge in.

[A]

Different places because they're making a fortune off those. I didn't think of that.

[B]

And that's why some guys I know that are bigger guys who always do shots, you know, and having to do shots because they're trying to get the feel of the alcohol without having to pay 15 bucks for every Drink.

[A]

Hey, Jenna.

[C]

Hello.

[A]

Good morning. What's up?

[C]

Good morning. My husband and I, we just recently moved to Atlanta. We sold our bar in Southern California. The average markup for top shelf is 300%.

[A]

300%.

[C]

300%.

[B]

That's the average markup even. I mean, because the guy just said 30%. So do you see a difference in Southern California as opposed to Atlanta when you all have gone out?

[C]

Actually, we haven't really been out. We just moved here probably about a month and a half ago.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Don't you wish everything was negotiable? Yeah, like you could just walk into a club and now knowing that it's 300% markup, you go, Nope, not gonna give you 11 bucks for that martini, but let's start at 7, right? And meet 757.

[B]

757. You know, some auctioneer, the bartender becomes an auctioneer.

[A]

I ran into that this weekend. I was buying a couple drinks and the bartender, he just kind of looks at me and he. I swear, I think he just threw a figure at me to see if I'd pay for it. Because I got like two drinks and he's like, oh, let's just say $18. I'm like, where did that come from? Okay, I'll give you ten and a tip and we'll call it even. And if you're on a first date, you don't want to look like a cheap ass. And also you go, okay, no problem. 18 bucks. I got you, buddy. But in the back of your mind you're like, hey, do that. That's some frickin 12 pack. Can't eat for two days. And then if you're another problem on the first dates too, if you end up meeting up with friends, you gotta impress the friends too. I've been there before. One of the first dates me and Mary Kay went on, we met up with some friends and we had been drinking. So I go to the bar and order a round of shots. I mean, there's another 40 bucks right there too. But you gotta pay for it to impress them. It's gonna hurt. Guys, on average you're spending $310 on your dates. Women 295 the Birch Show.

[C]

A PSA from Instacart. It's Sunday, 5pm you had a non stop weekend. You're running on empty and so is your fridge. You're in the trenches of the Sunday scaries. You don't have it in you to go to the store.

[B]

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[A]

More time to do whatever you want.

[C]

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[A]

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[C]

Hey, it's Raj and Noah.

[B]

And we're back with a new season of Am I Doing It Wrong? The show that explores the all too human anxieties we have about trying to get our lives right.

[C]

Because we're still doing a lot of stuff wrong.

[B]

But who isn't? That's why each week we're talking about the topics that we could all use a little helping hit with. Whether it's making new friends as an adult, managing our emotions, or even dreaming.

[C]

We'll be talking to experts in their fields who are definitely doing things right, so the rest of us can be a bit wiser and a lot better equipped to handle what.

[A]

Whatever life throws at us.

[B]

Subscribe now and listen to new episodes of Am I Doing It Wrong? Dropping every Thursday starting January 1st, wherever you get your podcasts.

[A]

And for the first time ever, we're going to have full video episodes on YouTube.

[C]

Because as long as there are things.

[A]

To get wrong, we're going to be.

[C]

Right here to help you do them better. Love y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

I think what we're looking for here is for women to call us up. Look, you know what you're doing is wrong. You know that you're invading your man's privacy, but you're doing it anyway. And you feel, you know it's crazy, but you're doing it anyway. All right, here's where we start. I just wanted to know if there's anyone else besides me who checks her boyfriend's messages on his cell phone and he doesn't know it. I do it faithfully, at least five times a day, maybe more if I'm bored, just to see who and what is calling him. I know that it's an invasion of privacy, but I don't care. I do trust him. Listen to this. I do trust him, right? But I am a Firm believer that it's not what you say, but what you don't. And he has not said or done anything in the past or present for me to believe. Otherwise, I'm just nosy.

[C]

La, la, la, la, la.

[A]

P.S. when there is something that I am curious about, I make up fictitious stories to see if he will bring up something that I heard on his voicemail. And if it is something that I deem unimportant, I will erase it as it never occurred.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

If I could quote the ghost from Amityville Horror. Get out. Serious, man.

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

Well, what I'm confused about is if she gets into her boyfriend's voicemail and checks it, how does he ever get his messages?

[A]

Maybe she saves it as new. Never know.

[B]

You have to, like, save messages on my cell phone. And it goes right into the archives.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, because once you take that initial cell phone and you press, you know, to listen to it, it'll no longer say new messages. Yeah, they'll just all of a sudden have messages. This guy's obviously an idiot. He's dating her, you know. He does? Well, yeah, he's a double idiot, but yeah, I mean, you should know instantly when things are being checked, she's erasing some of his voicemails. If she doesn't deem them important, she makes up fictitious stories after she hears some of the voicemails, she's checking his voicemail five times a day. Here's the confusing thing as a guy is, like, even when we don't give you any reason to distrust us at all, you're still making up stuff in your heads to distrust us.

[B]

Well, it must have come from somebody before him for sure.

[A]

Yeah, that's what it is.

[B]

You're paying for somebody else's crime. Right?

[A]

All right, so I mentioned in, like, this little post show commercial that I do, saying, hey, here's what's coming up on the Birch show tomorrow morning. And I said that we're gonna talk about a woman that checks her boyfriend's voicemail five times a day. And then we started getting all these freaky emails from Burt show listeners going, okay, y', all, you think that's crazy? Here's what I do.

[B]

I check my boyfriend's email. We used to work together. So I hacked into his work email. When I switched jobs at that time, we were just dating and not a couple. I knew he was seeing other people and was communicating with them in some way. So something in my head made me think to check his email account. Honey, I am too good I can access all three accounts. Work, Home, and Yahoo. Oh, honey. I have created a file on him with all his email. Sometimes I retract mail he sends to users I think he should not communicate with enough. I know I'm crazy. I get a rush off checking his email, but yet I feel guilty. I check it more than I do my own. I want to tell him, but can't and will not. Burt Show. Please pray for my sanity.

[A]

It's too late. We have the voice disguiser on, and we're gonna call this Burt show listener Brittany.

[C]

Hi.

[A]

Hi.

[C]

I've been doing similar for a little over six years, almost seven years with my daughter's father. But the only thing is, I found stuff over the seven years, but it caused it to keep going on.

[A]

Now, let me ask you this. Which came first, your insecurity or him screwing around and making you insecure enough for you to check the voicemail?

[C]

Him screwing around. And I can tell you how we worked together, except at different locations, and he made an excuse that he was going off with his friends, and I, you know, thought he was innocent. And I just happened to get a call from a friend at the location he worked at, and I was down there to see my other friend, and he came walking out with a girl.

[A]

So let me ask you this, though. At that time, if he screwed around, then why not just get out of the relationship rather than checking his email and his cell and all that?

[C]

I didn't do that at that time. I did that after he convinced me that everything was okay and we had a child together.

[B]

So you had a child after that incident?

[C]

Right. Okay, not long after, but within a year.

[A]

And you're checking everything.

[C]

To me, but he's out looking at engagement rings with somebody else while he was engaged to me. I'm done.

[A]

That was it at that point?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I think for some women, it is a matter of control in which they're not getting communication they want. I do think there are women who ask questions of their boyfriends or husbands and don't get a direct answer and have to go to these extremes. But if you're at the point where you're breaking into someone's voicemail or email, I mean, you've got to question yourself on, like, that's not. That's such a vicious cycle that you're getting into, and it's not worth it. It's not worth the stress, dude.

[A]

I would think it would be so exhausting to live with that kind of distrust all the time.

[C]

You know, hey, Peaches hey, how you doing?

[A]

Awesome. I love that name.

[C]

Okay. I used to check my boyfriend's voicemail. He had a T mobile phone, and he would only check his voicemail from his cell phone, so he didn't need a passcode. Well, after being suspicious for a while, I had changed his passcode so that whenever he was out and I would call his cell phone and he didn't answer or it would go straight to voicemail. I would check the voice messages to see who had been calling him and who he had been speaking with. And I had confrontations with three different women because of that. And he never knew how I found out about these women and who he was fooling around with.

[A]

Yeah, he's stupid too, but yeah, he.

[C]

Was kind of dumb.

[A]

Let me ask you this. So I have to ask the same question. Like, rather than get in fights with three other women and go through the exhaustive process of checking his voicemail, why don't you just cut the dude loose?

[C]

Well, because it was. And I have been through too much and put in too much investment to just let something happen. Come snatch my man up.

[B]

No, I didn't.

[C]

And when I would ask him about it, he would always lie. So I had to have. I had checked his text messages once and I got into some text messages with another girl and I forwarded him all the messages before I even said anything. And he about crapped his pants.

[B]

Really? Now impeaches. This is not just you. I just think, ladies, now, come on, let's not. It's not deeper than that. And our love is so great. It has to do with ego. The fact that you. You are trying to take. It's a control. It's a control issue and a game. And you're trying to take control back and then you're able to walk away. But if it's being. Being done to you, you can't. You won't walk away. And it like.

[C]

Like we're gonna get married next year.

[A]

Are you kidding me? No.

[C]

I will kick it. But are you.

[A]

You're gonna marry this dude?

[B]

Peaches, honey, no.

[C]

Because I love him, but I just refuse to be played if I can find out about it and do something about it.

[A]

You are getting into a relationship now where you know you can't trust your man. You cannot trust this guy. You do not have trust. But you're gonna marry him anyway.

[C]

I believe people can change. And hopefully I'm right.

[A]

I hope you're right.

[B]

Well, yeah, good luck to you. I'm just. You've just proven to him, he can do whatever he wants to you, and he can get away with it.

[C]

Thanks, Oliva.

[B]

Sometimes to me, I think what you were saying about the game, I think sometimes women use it as almost like a soap opera thing. Like, this is really fun. This is like fun game, this little soap opera that's going on or whatever. But what you don't realize is time after time after time, it's gonna end up hurting you, really hurting you, and you get deeper into it. I think the person who checks the voicemail five times a day, she started out just once, and then one day she said, well, let me just do it again.

[A]

Start to get obsessed about it.

[B]

And it's easy to get in that position.

[A]

See, I don't understand this because I try to avoid drama at all costs. Like, I look at Crash's relationship with his wife, and that is so dizzying to me and so scary that it's the polar opposite of what I try to do, probably to a fault where I probably let too much crap go by just because I don't want the drama and I don't want to talk about it enough. So to be in a relationship that is driven off that kind of drama is unthinkable to me.

[B]

It just, to me, sounds so like high school and college relationships where, you know, you weren't taking them seriously and it was just fun. You were gonna play games with your friends and sit around with your girlfriends and check their voicemail. Cause look at I, you know, I cracked the code and I got in and whatever. It just sounds so immature that I can't believe we're talking to grown women in grown adult relationships doing this.

[A]

Good morning, Carla.

[C]

Good morning. I know, Jen. We are pathetic. It's just the way it is. I check my husband cell phone records every single month. I go find tooth comb. I've even made a spreadsheet of all the phone numbers I don't recognize, and I will call them just to see if it's a man or a woman. And I used to check his email religiously, but I've quit doing that so much because there was an instance where he was getting emails from a woman that he had an affair with when he was married to his last wife. And I sent her email telling her not to, you know, send emails anymore. But he has not cheated on me that I know of. The insecurity started. We'd been married for about a year before we got married. We had several conversations about infidelity. He said he had never done that, but it had been done to him? Well, about eight months ago, he told me he had cheated on his first wife and his second wife numerous times.

[A]

This is an interesting point right here. And it's something that we brought up last week because we asked women, look, if. If you ended up screwing around with a guy that was in a relationship and he ended up dumping his girlfriend or his wife for you, do you trust him? Do you still have 100% trust in him? And the women said no. Even though he ended up with me, he was screwing around with me in the beginning, I still don't trust the guy now. What you're saying here is that he screwed around in a previous relationship. You had nothing to do with it at all. But since that's in his history, you can't trust him 100%.

[C]

Exactly. And I don't know that it's because of his history so much. I feel like it's more because we had conversations about it and lied to me about it. But then all of a sudden, we'd been married for a year and he decided he needed to say yes. I screwed around on both of my wife several times.

[A]

So if he didn't lie about it, would you still have that insecurity and that distrust?

[C]

I don't know. I don't think it would be as strong as it is right now. I think I might still in the back of my mind say, oh gosh, you know, he did it to the other two women. What makes me so different? Why is this situation so different and how has he changed so much?

[A]

It makes me think that guy should lie about. Just makes me. It just makes me think that guy should lie about it.

[B]

Lie about what? Their past.

[A]

Their. Their past. Like this has nothing to do with her at all. Yet she still distrusts him.

[B]

But she's found an email from that woman that he cheated on his ex wife with while she's been married to him. That right there is enough to be.

[A]

Suspect even before that. Did you have that distrust for him?

[C]

No, not at all.

[B]

I'm just curious because, you know, did you hear our conversation with Peaches earlier?

[C]

No, I couldn't hear it very well because I was already on hold and.

[B]

Because she got off the phone, she wasn't very happy with me. And I'm just curious your advice for her because Peaches is in a relationship with a man that's cheated on her numerous times and she busted him and now she's about to marry him because she said that he's changed.

[C]

Oh, no, no, ma'. Am. If I was Peaches, I would not. Because, I mean, I know Bert. You know, I've heard you have conversations, you know, saying you were a dog, but you met Stacy and you changed. But I just. I think you're one in a million, bird. I don't think all men are that way. And if I were Peaches, no, ma', am. I would be taken off in opposite direction.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. Thank you very much.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

And Stephanie, you'll be the last call on this. What's going on?

[C]

Hi. I never gotten through before. I'm kind of still in shock, but I love you guys. And I just heard Peaches and oh, my God, I'm like, I've been with the man that I love now for about five years. We're engaged. We're gonna get married in September. And I absolutely trust him in every way. I don't even think I could imagine marrying somebody if they cheated on me. And then I'd have to live the rest of my life wondering if, oh, my God, I'm gonna have to, you know, be, you know, Mr. Detective or Mrs. Detective every day and have to check on their emails and their voice messages and. Oh, it just completely disgusts me that women don't have enough self confidence in themselves to just say, you know, is it really worth it? There's millions of people out there. I mean, is it really worth it?

[B]

Yeah, it's just fascinating to me. I mean, and I've been there. I mean, I think. I think it's easy, unfortunately, to get into that habit if you're in a relationship and you're emotionally invested. Once women have that emotional coat around their shoulders, they don't think clearly. They were so ready to forgive somebody and let themselves go to crap. But, I mean, I think it starts with that first look, like you're sitting at the computer tapping your knee like, well, should I check it? I don't know. And at that moment, ladies, and so when you say no, because if you say yes just that one time, then you get these women who check it five times and check all their accounts and. And do all this stuff.

[A]

But if you're gonna stay in that relationship, you gotta figure out a way how to start to trust that guy or let it go. Right, because you're gonna drive yourself absolutely batty, man. The Birch Show. The new year brings new health goals and wealth goals. Protecting your identity is an important step. Your info is in endless places that could expose you to identity theft leading to lost funds. Lifelock monitors millions of data points per second. If your identity is stolen. Our restoration specialists will fix it, guaranteed or your money back. Resolve to make identity, health, and wealth part of your New Year's goals with Lifelock. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com Special offer terms apply. Hey, listeners, meet Russell. Hey. Russell just launched a fitness app, and he needed to get the word out to busy professionals looking to stay focused fit. So I turned to Acast. I used their smart recommendations feature to easily find shows that talk about health and fitness. Booking sponsorships through their platform was a breeze. And just like that, my app was in their ears during their morning run. Sounds like a smart move, Russell. How's business looking now? Sweat is pouring, and so are the installs. Spread the word about your business with podcast ads on Acast. Start today at go.acast.com. We're gonna need the voice disguiser for this call here. And this is Pete. Hey, Pete.

[C]

Hi. How you doing?

[A]

Good. How are you today?

[C]

I'm good.

[A]

All right, Pete, as your email says, I'll start off with just the shell of your story, and then you please fill in all the details for us. Okay?

[C]

Okay.

[A]

But basically in reading your email is you've had a best girl friend for five years. At one point, you guys tried something a little bit more serious than just friends, and it didn't work out.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And you've remained friends kind of on and off for five years now, with you just kind of waiting in the weeds.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And you have fallen in love with this girl, and basically, she's. She's not looking at you the same way.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I want to. Pete, I want to ask two things. One, answer. When Bert talked about trying something more in your mind, friendship, I want you to define that and exactly what it was and for how long. And then, number two, have you confessed to her that you are in love with her?

[C]

I guess the first part, just one friend. You know, I mean, basically, we. I mean, we were taken as boyfriend, girlfriend for about probably a month to two months, and, you know, just. We took our relationship from, you know, friendships to something more.

[B]

So you. You were physical with her?

[C]

Yes, but not all the way physical. I'd say one thing was, you know, just not done.

[A]

Mm.

[C]

And then at the time, I. I did. I did, you know, expect to her that I. I loved her. But ever since then, it's kind of been, you know, it's been put off in, you know, off to the side, and I just kind of. Since she had a boyfriend for a while, you know, I, you know, I had to, you Know, that's fine with me. I just figured, you know, she had somebody that she finally, you know, wanted. But that's since ended, and I don't think that that's ever gonna work out again. And I don't know if I should tell her or not, like. Cause I mean, I just never lost that feeling. And it's like, when I'm around her, it's hard to be around her and just not say, listen, like, I still don't feel any different than I did, you know, three years ago. So.

[A]

So while you. While you guys are still friends and she's kind of been dabbling in this relationship with somebody else, in your heart of hearts, you've always known that you've loved her.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And you've done nothing about that? You haven't talked to her about it? Nothing. You've just been the cry on my shoulder guy for a long time.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, that's pretty much where I am. I just. I stay out of a relationship, you know, that the one that she had for that lasted almost three years. It just. I figured, you know, it wasn't my place to get in the way. And if, you know, if I was the person she wanted to be with, you know, she would have went that route. But at the same time, there's always some of the things that she said to me. You know, it just. It sticks in my mind is, you know, why would she say that and then, you know, be with somebody that, you know, never. Never really sparked that interest in her, but, you know, still, she would consider them, you know, boyfriend material Now.

[B]

I might have missed this. Is she serious with anybody right now?

[C]

No, she was. It's been like two months now. She just broke up with somebody. Savage. It's kind of weird because this happened before with her, and I was kind of there and I didn't express anything. And she ended up, you know, starting to date somebody else. And that's one of the times when we kind of drifted apart because I kind of had it. And we just. We ended up not talking after that for a little while. But it's. She's. I mean, she's always been able to call me and talk to me, and it's just kind of like, you know, there's a reason for that. You know, if I didn't want to talk to her, you know, I could be, you know, a jerk and be like, listen, like, this isn't what I want, you know, and hang up or whatever. But, I mean, I'm not that kind of guy.

[A]

I Just, Pete, as I'm starting to put the pieces together here, and you guys had that. That period where you guys weren't talking to each other. What inevitably brought you back together?

[C]

That's a good question. Just, I guess, just time it just, like one night I was just sitting there, and I got a text message on my phone that, you know, just said that she'd found one of the letters I wrote to her right about the time we'd stopped talking. You know, I kind of put everything down for. And, you know, that was that, like, I. At the point. At that point in time, I really didn't, you know, know what to tell her other than this is how I feel. And, you know, I'm gonna go my separate way for a while, and if you realize, you know, maybe you want to change your mind, then, you know, I'd be for it. But at the time, I was. I was pretty mad. And so we didn't. I mean, we just didn't, you know, we didn't talk for that time. And then when she finally, you know, text messaged me back or, you know, gave me a text message and said, you know, she was reading that letter, I was like, well, you know, maybe she broke up with her boyfriend, and then, you know, come to find out she hadn't, I was like, well, why would she text message me back, you know, or, you know, text message me and say, you know, like, I'm reading your letter and, you know, it kind of brings back memories and.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

Can I interrupt you for a second? Yes. It sounds like you've been a doormat for too long. It sounds like to me that she is taking advantage of this friendship a little bit, and. And maybe she already knows how you feel about her, but she's just choosing to ignore that so that she can get all the benefits of this friendship. Because, I mean, listen to you talk. It's like you're hanging on her every word. You're reanalyzing her every text message to you. You're one. You're, like, getting in her head. Well, maybe she did this because she feels this way, or maybe she said this because of that. You're, like, way over analyzing everything that she has done or said to you in the last couple of weeks because she's out of this relationship, but sounds to me like she's kind of taking advantage of you.

[A]

When women do that, do they know they're doing that or. Oh, really?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you can't get out of your own head, Right? She's aware that she's manipulating and using him.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And what's her motivation?

[B]

Well, I think she's choosing to ignore it, and I think.

[A]

What's her motivation? Like, why do you keep a guy like that around? Like, if you know there's a guy, you just like the attention to always have somebody there.

[B]

Yeah, I think it's easy. I don't know if her. I mean, I don't think she is, you know, doing it with ill, you know, intent. I just think he's easy for her, you know? Like, I don't think that she's having to make any decisions because, I mean, she's getting all the benefits right there with him. And I think that if Pete left, though, I think she'd miss him.

[A]

Well, isn't it possible that. I mean, she's not manipulated in this situation at all. Maybe she just really, really digs him as a friend. And I know you hate to hear this, oh, I love you like a brother, but doesn't want to take it to the next step. I don't know. That's. That's treating him as a door. What'd you say? A doormat. It's just kind of like.

[B]

Well, it's. It's. She knows he's over the top of a friend for her because he's into her. Like, if they were just normal good buddies, girl guy friends or whatever, he wouldn't be doing all of the extra things that he does for her. Does that make sense? She knows that he's on a different level than just a guy friend.

[A]

So does she have a responsibility to say to him, look, you know, this isn't going anywhere. Well, she does mean she's going to.

[B]

Now, Pete, you've told her that you. I mean, she knows you love her, that you love her. Have you. You've had this conversation with her or. No, because you.

[C]

Not recently.

[B]

Not recently. But you have had the conversation because. I mean, because communicate. I. My feeling is that. I think that it's obviously tearing you up. And my feeling is that you have to be honest and you have to tell. I mean, because it's not a true friendship. There's not a balance there. You are in love with her. She's not in love with you, and you have to be honest with her. And I think you need to take off, you know, I think you need to tell her that I can't, because you said yourself you can't be around her without probably being attracted to her and wanting to tell her how much you love her and wanting to be with her.

[A]

And painful.

[B]

It's painful for you, and you're doing it to yourself. So, I mean, and if you're just honest with her, tell her how you feel, and she doesn't respond, then you're gonna have to leave because it's only hurting you.

[A]

Okay. We don't need the voice disguiser for these calls, so Pete is on hold just listening to all your advice. Good morning, Kenya. You're on all the hits Q100.

[C]

Good Morning, Y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

Good morning.

[C]

My advice to him is don't do it. I made the mistake of doing that over Valentine's Day from a friend of mine we've been friends with. 9th grade. He went off to the Marines recently after I just got out of the Army. And when he came back from Iraq during Valentine's Day, I decided to tell him that even though I knew he was in love with me for, like, a few years after high school, I put it off because my grandma wanted me to get with him, and his mom was pressuring us to get together. We were like, oh, no. And I decided to wait until later. Then I had a boyfriend, he had a girlfriend, and it was just this back and forth thing. And finally I'm single. But now he's in the Marines. And when he came back, I was like, well, I've been in love with you for the last few years. And I know back then, at first I didn't want to get in a relationship with you, but now, you know, I want to. And it freaked him out. He said it freaked him out. And I haven't heard from him since then.

[A]

Well, you think a guy coming back from the military, from Iraq for a year and a half would have said, oh, yeah, let's do this. Game on. All right. So your advice. No, no, no.

[C]

Hell no.

[B]

Hell, no. Don't tell us.

[A]

It's one step above no, no, no. Hell, no. Good morning, John. You're on all the hits Q100.

[C]

Yeah, I was in a similar situation. And basically, Melissa does have a good point that she is walking over him. Peter, she said, I love you like a brother.

[B]

He can't answer you right now because.

[C]

The Voice has her situation, then I wouldn't do it. If you're. If you're willing to give up the friendship and go out on a limb and say it, then say it.

[A]

I will say this also, that I've been in these relationships, and guys would tell me, you know, you're really risking your friendship with this woman. And to me, that was a no brainer. I will risk When I was single, I would have risked a friendship with a woman in a split second in order to take it up to a next level.

[B]

And I agree. I mean, I think it's worth the risk. But my thing with Pete is, I think the friendship's already done. Like, once you fall in love with your best friend, and I don't see how the friendship can last, at least in the.

[A]

You know, how do you go back?

[B]

I think that Pete is honestly in love with her. He says that his feelings for her have never diminished. They're still the same, just as strong, five years later. And I just don't. You can't go back to being buddies after that. And I contend that she already knows because a guy who's in love with you looks at you differently than a guy who's not. He looks at you differently. He treats you differently, he talks to you differently. There is a look, a look in his eye that we know, and she knows it. I don't think he even has to say anything to her. She knows already, and I think she's taken advantage of it.

[A]

It's not. Is it really so much the look, or is it, like, the actions? Like the. Hey, would you mind coming over? And then you hear the phone drop and the car start before you even finish. Your doorbell gets in there faster than the Chinese food delivery guy.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

But I think, in keeping with Melissa's theory, though, I mean, if you can't go back to being friends, he's emotionally invested in her. He loves her now, you know, if you can't go back to just being friends, then when the timing is right, why don't you just go for it? Because the relationship is over anyway.

[B]

That's my advice with Pete is my. My feeling with Pete is it's already. The friendship is already done. I mean, it's done it for him. It's a. She's a totally different woman. And that's why I think he needs to communicate with her. But understand that he may need to walk away because he's not gonna get the reaction that he thinks.

[A]

I have been in so many of these kind of relationships before where I play. Like, I think his feelings are authentic. I was playing the game where, like, okay, I'm gonna pretend to be your friend. We're gonna be friends, but I'm really digging on you, and it is so hurtful to put yourself in that situation, because when you play that way and she believes that you really are the friend to sit there and watch her get intimate and have her ask you for advice about these guys that she's really into, and it's slowly just crushing you.

[B]

Yeah. And Pete is already at that position where it's hurting his feelings so badly. And especially when you're at that point when you're with the friend, like he said, when you're with that person and all you can think about is being in love with that person to the point that he probably hasn't heard everything she said because he's just waiting. He wants her to say I love you to him, and it's not happening. So, I mean, he's already kind of whipped.

[A]

Hey, Tamara, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[C]

Hey, guys. I think he should go for it. I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago, and now I'm engaged to my best friend. So I think if we hadn't ever talked about it, we would have always had that question and wondered what would have happened.

[B]

Who initiated the conversation? I mean, who was the one who was in love and said something?

[C]

I don't think either of us were in love yet. I think there was always some kind of emotion there. And we just kind of talked about it one night. And then it actually took about four or five months for us to finally start dating, because we just kept talking about it and it kept coming up, and we kept wondering whether we wanted to risk our friendship or not. And then we. One day, we finally were like, okay, let's just start dating. And now we're getting married.

[A]

I think guys. I think guys have more of a. What are the words I'm looking for? I want to say romantic. Patience. Like, we will go through all that pain for a longer period of time. It's not romantic. Patience. Guys will stand around forever if there's a chance of sex. Yeah, maybe that's it. It is not romantic.

[B]

But I think. I think Pete is truly in love with Am, though.

[A]

And. And he will put himself through all sorts of pain right now and sit through that and sit through that just with the hopes that someday she says yes.

[B]

But he wants to see her just one more time. Okay. He'll talk to her. He. Okay, you know what? He's going to let go, but wait until the. Okay. She's going to call. Okay.

[A]

That guy's mind every night is in love. Is he. Is every night. Is they. That every minute that he is with her, there's the chance that that could be the night that they make out. Yep.

[B]

He's trying to make sure they hang out somewhere where there's a little More alcohol maybe, you know, maybe something will happen.

[A]

It's 100% true. And in the back of his mind is the question, I wonder if sometime this evening I will touch her boo. That question exists. Everything. If she calls and says, hey, can we go to the library? Because I gotta pull some stuff off, pull some stuff up on microfiche. He hears, hey, can we go to the library? Because I gotta pull some stuff up on microfiche and maybe you can touch my boobs. Like, that's every single thing that he has.

[B]

Every time he hugs her, he's thinking about going in for the kiss, but he doesn't. And then maybe when the evening. Yeah, he's already.

[A]

Can you see, like the painful embrace, like she's giving him, like a little, like just a hug goodnight. And he's like smelling her hair. You can see the angle of the camera on his. His face. Yeah. Good morning. All the hits Q100.

[C]

Hi, this is Jennifer.

[B]

Hey, Jennifer.

[C]

I just want to encourage him to go ahead and go for it. I married my best friend after seven years of him waiting in the wing for me.

[A]

He'd have waited another 10 years, too. All right, let's get Pete back on here. Voice disguiser.

[B]

I kind of curious when Jeff said, you know, because it's true anytime we have conversations like that, we plan it in our mind. And that obviously, both men and women for a long period of time. Practice and practice. I'm curious because I know Pete's already had that speech in his mind of what he's going to say to Amy. So I'm curious what Pete's speech is.

[A]

Hey, Pete, you have a speech already planned out?

[C]

Not exactly, because I'm not really sure how to go about it because it's kind of. I mean, I've kind of, you know, done it once before and I don't know that I. I exactly did it the correct way before and. And now it's. I'm kind of. I'm kind of, you know, so anxious, but at the same time, kind of like, like you guys said, maybe I already know the answer. It's kind of like at the same time I'm mad, you know, I didn't, like, I don't want to make it into an argument, you know, because that's not what it is. I just want to, you know, say what I have to say.

[A]

And what are you mad about, though?

[B]

You can't be mad at her.

[C]

Yeah, I know. I don't. I don't know. I guess I'm mad at myself, probably.

[A]

All right, let's give Pete. Everybody go around the room. Give him your advice as though he was your best friend.

[B]

You can give him his leading line when he starts this conversation. Yeah, leading line.

[A]

If that's your advice to him, maybe some of us will say don't do it at all. I think it's irrelevant. If I'm the best friend, I don't say anything because nothing you can say is going to like, change. He's either going to keep holding on or she's. He's. He will hold on through her marriage to someone else unless he finds someone else. So I. There's no advice you can give him. All right, as a best friend, Jeff saying, I don't want to talk to you, Jen.

[B]

I say you go ahead and have the conversation with her, but you've got to be realistic about your expectations. And then after you have that conversation, it's either going to go one way or the other. It won't stay the same.

[A]

Melissa.

[B]

Yes, Pete. My advice to you is be honest with her, but don't have the conversation with her. Have the conversation to her. I think you should, you know, have a private dinner or have her over, whatever. And I think you need to get. Explain to her how you feel and how you're acting.

[A]

I'm with Melissa except for one thing. I think that the relationship, like Melissa said, is pretty much over as friendships as you know it because you're in love with her. But I would say have the talk to her, but you got to hold out for a couple of more months. If she just got out of this three year relationship two months ago, then she's not going to hear anything you're saying anyway. I mean, she's like emotionally just. I mean, she's spent right now. She's going to go through this period of I don't want anything to do with guys at all. You don't want to hit her at that point, man, I would hold on. Go through the pain for a couple of months and then hit her with it. And I hope you get to touch her boob.

[C]

Exactly. You crack me up.

[B]

What if she goes to. I mean, like. Okay, based on Bert's advice, I'm curious, how do you. How does he handle it if she decides to have a rebound?

[A]

Well, she's been rebounding with this guy for three years though, right?

[C]

Yeah, pretty much. I mean, yeah, he was a rebound. Yeah.

[B]

How does he handle it if, like tomorrow she decides to have a rebound? Really? You know, with somebody, with him or with somebody else? And because he didn't go. He didn't tell her. I'm just curious.

[A]

I think at that point, maybe I'd go in. Yeah. I mean, if she starts getting interested in somebody else, I think at that point I'd say, whoa, wait a second. I want to be him. Think of me.

[B]

I've been waiting for you to be ripe.

[A]

You know what you should do? This works in the movies. What you should do is if you have an empty wall in your house, why don't you try to form a collage of a giant picture of her head taken out of other pictures of you and have, like, a big light shining on it, and then have her accidentally discover that in your house. And then she'll realize your obsession and she'll have to deal with it, you know, face to face. And if it doesn't work out, then you kill her. Or the. Or the old Lionel Richie video where you make a clay. Just a clay model, a bust of her face. Is it me you're looking for?

[B]

But you got to pretend you're blind.

[A]

Because can you do something that would cause you to lose your sight today?

[C]

I hope not.

[A]

All right, dude. Good luck, man.

[B]

Good luck, Pete.

[C]

All right, thanks, guys.

[A]

We gotta check back in with you in a couple of weeks just to find out where you're at. Hang in there, man.

[C]

Okay, thanks.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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