The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Monday, February 9 [Vault]

Original Air Date: February 9, 2026
Podcast Host/Team: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the Cast

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives headfirst into wild, sometimes shocking, stories about teachers behaving badly, unusual discipline in classrooms, and the sometimes unexpected fallout. The second half of the episode shifts into personal stories, highlighting a young teacher’s quarter-life crisis and listeners’ experiences forming deep connections with online friends—including discussion about traveling to meet those friends internationally. Infused with the show's signature authentic and comedic tone, the cast and callers share, debate, and unpack the real-life drama of schools, adulthood, and the boundaries of online connections.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Teachers Behaving (Very) Badly

Segment Start: [00:01]

• Prompt to Teachers: The hosts encourage listeners to call in anonymously with stories of teachers whose discipline methods or in-class tactics defy logic or common sense.
• Notable Examples:
  • "Class Vote" Humiliation (Port St. Lucie, FL):
    A kindergarten teacher had her class vote out a disruptive student named Alex, allowing classmates to air grievances publicly before voting to remove him. It turns out Alex was later diagnosed with Asperger’s, leading to discussion about teacher insensitivity and possible legal action ([01:14]).
    • "Each kid was able to say out loud what they did not like about Alex. And then after they said that, then they did a vote... Alex should be kicked out ... he was made to feel like nobody likes me." – Co-host [01:14]
  • Teacher Wrestling Students:
    A young male teacher let students wrestle in class at the end of the school year, even joining in to body slam a student (to enthusiastic cheers). The hosts question the appropriateness, acknowledging "burning off steam" but highlighting big red flags ([02:29]).
    • "In hindsight, I would at least tell hope that now he's going, throwing a kid, body slamming a kid on the floor. Probably not. Smart move." – Host 1 [02:29]

2. Listener Call-Ins: Real Life Discipline Horror Stories

Start: [03:36]

• Caller Denise ([03:44]):
  Shares stories from a special education classroom:

  • Teacher forced a student to lick the chalkboard from bottom to top to go to the restroom.
  • Teacher held down students and spat on their faces—a step beyond childhood “slobber threatens.”
    • "He had to lick the chalkboard from the bottom to the top before he could go." – Caller Denise [03:44]
    • "Except he would actually let it [the spit] hit them every time." – Caller Denise [04:20]

• Caller Jack ([05:00]):
  Raises sensitive concerns and racial dynamics around discipline, suggesting black female teachers get away with more physical discipline (e.g., slapping hands, grabbing arms, alleged choking) than their white counterparts. The cast challenges his assertions, calling out unreported incidents and possible racial bias.

  • "I've seen some accounts of literally choking the neck." – Caller Jack [05:38]
  • "If you really did see that, you're just as at fault, right?" – Host 2 [06:15]
  • "To be perfectly honest, you're just being a racist." – Host 1 [07:02]

Quick Quotes

• "Get us some more fun chalkboard looking stories." – Host 1 [08:28]

• "You got anybody who had to clean a toilet with his bare hands?" – Host 1 [08:33]

• Caller Chris ([08:45]):
  Her five-year-old son was put in a supply closet for two hours during a holiday party. The boy eventually cut up his jeans with teacher scissors out of boredom or distress.

  • "They shoved him in her supply closet ... and forgot about him." – Caller Chris [09:05]

• Caller Jack ([10:35]):
  As a child, he was taped to his desk with masking tape by a teacher for sharpening his pencil during a test.

  • "I had a teacher ... literally tape you to the desk?" – Host 2 [10:40]
  • "Yeah, with white masking tape." – Caller Jack [10:46]

3. Teacher's Quarter-Life "Wild Child" Crisis

Segment Start: [12:01]

• Caller Denise:
  A first-year teacher in her early twenties, Denise feels she missed out on fun and partying throughout high school and college due to her focus on academics. Now watching her students get excited for summer and college, she wants to "let her hair down" and experience wild, carefree living.

  • "I'm ready to kind of let my hair down and be wild and have some fun this summer, you know? ... I never really got to have a good time." – Caller Denise [13:38]

• The team recognizes the classic "quarter-life crisis" but encourages her, suggesting she make a "wild child" checklist for the summer.

  • "Tonight, you need to be careful, because you said you've never even been drunk before." – Host 3 [15:37]

• Suggestions on her list:

  • Partying
  • Clubbing
  • Random makeouts with strangers
  • Getting a piercing
  • Pulling an all-nighter (for fun, not studying)
  • Day drinking ([17:41]–[21:04])

• Experienced teachers call in to reassure Denise that taking the "responsible" route first pays off in the long run.

  • "It is so much more fun to party when you have money and you have a house and a car and you can pay for it." – Caller Susan [18:43]

Memorable Quote & Fun Tone

• "She needs a professional wild woman to take her under her wing." – Host 3 [19:13]
• "It's a lesson plan for the summer." – Host 1 [19:35]
• "I just want to spend the summer having a good time and not feeling guilty about it." – Caller Denise [17:52]
• “I just want to smell your hair." – (Joking, in reference to online friend meetups) – Host 1 [28:35]

4. Online Friendships & The Big Meet-Up Debate

Segment Start: [22:19]

• Caller Julia:
  Shares her decade-long online friendship (text-based roleplaying game, met at age 15, now both mid-20s) with a woman in England. She wants to visit, but her boyfriend has reservations; the team discusses internet friendships and safety.
  • "I've been talking to her for about 10 years ... I really want to go to the point where I am willing to say, like, okay, well, I'm basically going to take a trip. I really don't want to tell him where." – Caller Julia [23:29]
• The hosts and callers debate:
  • Is it safe to travel solo to meet a long-term internet friend?
  • What safeguards can you put in place? (e.g., back-up hotel, regular check-ins)
• Mixed advice:
  • Some warn it's always risky, since "you don't know someone until you meet them, and even then you might not" ([29:44]).
  • Others, with similar success stories, say Europe is safe if you use common sense.
  • The cast is generally understanding, with a few cautious notes (especially if things go wrong early in the trip, have a Plan B).

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:01] – Teacher discipline stories prompt
• [01:14] – Kindergarten "vote out" story
• [02:29] – Teacher wrestling/body-slamming students
• [03:44] – Special ed chalkboard and spitting stories (Caller Denise)
• [05:00] – Allegations of racial disparity in physical discipline (Caller Jack)
• [08:45] – Kid locked in the supply closet (Caller Chris)
• [10:35] – Taped to the desk story (Caller Jack)
• [12:01] – First-year teacher's wild child crisis (Caller Denise)
• [18:43] – Adult teacher advice on responsible timing for fun (Caller Susan)
• [19:35] – Suggestions for a "lesson plan" for wild summer
• [22:19] – Forming deep online friendships; meeting in person (Caller Julia)
• [28:35] – Cautious and humorous reactions to online meeting safety
• [29:44] – Call-in warnings about dangers of meeting online-only friends

Memorable Quotes

• "Each kid was able to say out loud what they did not like about Alex. ... Alex should be kicked out ... he was made to feel like nobody likes me." – Co-host [01:14]
• "If you really did see that, you're just as at fault, right?" – Host 2 [06:15]
• "To be perfectly honest, you're just being a racist." – Host 1 [07:02]
• "She needs a professional wild woman to take her under her wing." – Host 3 [19:13]
• "It's a lesson plan for the summer." – Host 1 [19:35]
• "It is so much more fun to party when you have money and you have a house and a car and you can pay for it." – Caller Susan [18:43]
• "I've been talking to her for about 10 years ... I really want to go." – Caller Julia [23:29]
• "You don't know someone until you meet them and even then you still might not know them." – Caller Susan [29:44]

Overall Tone & Takeaways

The episode is classic Bert Show: quick-witted, fast-paced, and packed with a blend of laughter, blunt advice, and raw honesty. The team and listeners explore where the lines are—between appropriate and harmful school discipline, the regret or freedom of a "late bloomer," and the risks and rewards of trusting internet relationships. By the closing minutes, they’ve created both a community vent session and a pseudo-support group, making you feel like you’re right in the room with old friends swapping outrageous and heartfelt stories.