Full Show PT 1: Monday, February 9 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Monday, February 9 [Vault]

Original Air Date: February 9, 2026
Podcast Host/Team: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the Cast

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives headfirst into wild, sometimes shocking, stories about teachers behaving badly, unusual discipline in classrooms, and the sometimes unexpected fallout. The second half of the episode shifts into personal stories, highlighting a young teacher’s quarter-life crisis and listeners’ experiences forming deep connections with online friends—including discussion about traveling to meet those friends internationally. Infused with the show's signature authentic and comedic tone, the cast and callers share, debate, and unpack the real-life drama of schools, adulthood, and the boundaries of online connections.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Teachers Behaving (Very) Badly

Segment Start: [00:01]

• Prompt to Teachers: The hosts encourage listeners to call in anonymously with stories of teachers whose discipline methods or in-class tactics defy logic or common sense.
• Notable Examples:
  • "Class Vote" Humiliation (Port St. Lucie, FL):
    A kindergarten teacher had her class vote out a disruptive student named Alex, allowing classmates to air grievances publicly before voting to remove him. It turns out Alex was later diagnosed with Asperger’s, leading to discussion about teacher insensitivity and possible legal action ([01:14]).
    • "Each kid was able to say out loud what they did not like about Alex. And then after they said that, then they did a vote... Alex should be kicked out ... he was made to feel like nobody likes me." – Co-host [01:14]
  • Teacher Wrestling Students:
    A young male teacher let students wrestle in class at the end of the school year, even joining in to body slam a student (to enthusiastic cheers). The hosts question the appropriateness, acknowledging "burning off steam" but highlighting big red flags ([02:29]).
    • "In hindsight, I would at least tell hope that now he's going, throwing a kid, body slamming a kid on the floor. Probably not. Smart move." – Host 1 [02:29]

2. Listener Call-Ins: Real Life Discipline Horror Stories

Start: [03:36]

• Caller Denise ([03:44]):
  Shares stories from a special education classroom:

  • Teacher forced a student to lick the chalkboard from bottom to top to go to the restroom.
  • Teacher held down students and spat on their faces—a step beyond childhood “slobber threatens.”
    • "He had to lick the chalkboard from the bottom to the top before he could go." – Caller Denise [03:44]
    • "Except he would actually let it [the spit] hit them every time." – Caller Denise [04:20]

• Caller Jack ([05:00]):
  Raises sensitive concerns and racial dynamics around discipline, suggesting black female teachers get away with more physical discipline (e.g., slapping hands, grabbing arms, alleged choking) than their white counterparts. The cast challenges his assertions, calling out unreported incidents and possible racial bias.

  • "I've seen some accounts of literally choking the neck." – Caller Jack [05:38]
  • "If you really did see that, you're just as at fault, right?" – Host 2 [06:15]
  • "To be perfectly honest, you're just being a racist." – Host 1 [07:02]

Quick Quotes

• "Get us some more fun chalkboard looking stories." – Host 1 [08:28]

• "You got anybody who had to clean a toilet with his bare hands?" – Host 1 [08:33]

• Caller Chris ([08:45]):
  Her five-year-old son was put in a supply closet for two hours during a holiday party. The boy eventually cut up his jeans with teacher scissors out of boredom or distress.

  • "They shoved him in her supply closet ... and forgot about him." – Caller Chris [09:05]

• Caller Jack ([10:35]):
  As a child, he was taped to his desk with masking tape by a teacher for sharpening his pencil during a test.

  • "I had a teacher ... literally tape you to the desk?" – Host 2 [10:40]
  • "Yeah, with white masking tape." – Caller Jack [10:46]

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3. Teacher's Quarter-Life "Wild Child" Crisis

Segment Start: [12:01]

• Caller Denise:
  A first-year teacher in her early twenties, Denise feels she missed out on fun and partying throughout high school and college due to her focus on academics. Now watching her students get excited for summer and college, she wants to "let her hair down" and experience wild, carefree living.

  • "I'm ready to kind of let my hair down and be wild and have some fun this summer, you know? ... I never really got to have a good time." – Caller Denise [13:38]

• The team recognizes the classic "quarter-life crisis" but encourages her, suggesting she make a "wild child" checklist for the summer.

  • "Tonight, you need to be careful, because you said you've never even been drunk before." – Host 3 [15:37]

• Suggestions on her list:

  • Partying
  • Clubbing
  • Random makeouts with strangers
  • Getting a piercing
  • Pulling an all-nighter (for fun, not studying)
  • Day drinking ([17:41]–[21:04])

• Experienced teachers call in to reassure Denise that taking the "responsible" route first pays off in the long run.

  • "It is so much more fun to party when you have money and you have a house and a car and you can pay for it." – Caller Susan [18:43]

Memorable Quote & Fun Tone

• "She needs a professional wild woman to take her under her wing." – Host 3 [19:13]
• "It's a lesson plan for the summer." – Host 1 [19:35]
• "I just want to spend the summer having a good time and not feeling guilty about it." – Caller Denise [17:52]
• “I just want to smell your hair." – (Joking, in reference to online friend meetups) – Host 1 [28:35]

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4. Online Friendships & The Big Meet-Up Debate

Segment Start: [22:19]

• Caller Julia:
  Shares her decade-long online friendship (text-based roleplaying game, met at age 15, now both mid-20s) with a woman in England. She wants to visit, but her boyfriend has reservations; the team discusses internet friendships and safety.
  • "I've been talking to her for about 10 years ... I really want to go to the point where I am willing to say, like, okay, well, I'm basically going to take a trip. I really don't want to tell him where." – Caller Julia [23:29]
• The hosts and callers debate:
  • Is it safe to travel solo to meet a long-term internet friend?
  • What safeguards can you put in place? (e.g., back-up hotel, regular check-ins)
• Mixed advice:
  • Some warn it's always risky, since "you don't know someone until you meet them, and even then you might not" ([29:44]).
  • Others, with similar success stories, say Europe is safe if you use common sense.
  • The cast is generally understanding, with a few cautious notes (especially if things go wrong early in the trip, have a Plan B).

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:01] – Teacher discipline stories prompt
• [01:14] – Kindergarten "vote out" story
• [02:29] – Teacher wrestling/body-slamming students
• [03:44] – Special ed chalkboard and spitting stories (Caller Denise)
• [05:00] – Allegations of racial disparity in physical discipline (Caller Jack)
• [08:45] – Kid locked in the supply closet (Caller Chris)
• [10:35] – Taped to the desk story (Caller Jack)
• [12:01] – First-year teacher's wild child crisis (Caller Denise)
• [18:43] – Adult teacher advice on responsible timing for fun (Caller Susan)
• [19:35] – Suggestions for a "lesson plan" for wild summer
• [22:19] – Forming deep online friendships; meeting in person (Caller Julia)
• [28:35] – Cautious and humorous reactions to online meeting safety
• [29:44] – Call-in warnings about dangers of meeting online-only friends

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Memorable Quotes

• "Each kid was able to say out loud what they did not like about Alex. ... Alex should be kicked out ... he was made to feel like nobody likes me." – Co-host [01:14]
• "If you really did see that, you're just as at fault, right?" – Host 2 [06:15]
• "To be perfectly honest, you're just being a racist." – Host 1 [07:02]
• "She needs a professional wild woman to take her under her wing." – Host 3 [19:13]
• "It's a lesson plan for the summer." – Host 1 [19:35]
• "It is so much more fun to party when you have money and you have a house and a car and you can pay for it." – Caller Susan [18:43]
• "I've been talking to her for about 10 years ... I really want to go." – Caller Julia [23:29]
• "You don't know someone until you meet them and even then you still might not know them." – Caller Susan [29:44]

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

The episode is classic Bert Show: quick-witted, fast-paced, and packed with a blend of laughter, blunt advice, and raw honesty. The team and listeners explore where the lines are—between appropriate and harmful school discipline, the regret or freedom of a "late bloomer," and the risks and rewards of trusting internet relationships. By the closing minutes, they’ve created both a community vent session and a pseudo-support group, making you feel like you’re right in the room with old friends swapping outrageous and heartfelt stories.

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Transcript

[Host 1]

The Birch Show.

[Host 2]

All right, teachers, I got. I got one for you here. Because this story in the news yesterday was. It just didn't even make any common sense. Like, if you're a teacher right now, I imagine when you are checking out other teachers or you're all sitting in that break room and they're telling you some of the.

[Host 1]

You mean the infamous teacher's lounge?

[Host 2]

Teacher's lounge, right. And you guys are sharing stories on success stories on how you got one student straight today. You know, like they were all out of hand and you tried something different. There has got to be some teachers in your school that you're like, I can't believe they did that. It just doesn't. It defies logic, it defies common sense. Yet the teachers were so proud of what they did. And I'd like to know about those teachers. I mean, I want to put you on the voice disguiser, and we'll change your name also. But if you have teachers at your school that you're working side by side and they've done some things to the student or some of their methods are so far out there that. That you're thinking, how does this even make sense to me?

[Host 1]

So you're thinking about a teacher who told one kid to go stand in the closet for one hour, something like that. Go stand in the closet for one hour and then come back out and tell me if you want to be a part of this class. And you're like, what the hell? You locked a kid in the closet?

[Host 2]

Well, we'll give you two real life examples here. Kindergarten kid.

[Co-host]

Yeah. In Florida, in Port St. Lucie, there was a kindergarten, again, kindergarten teacher who had a five year old in her class named Alex who was kind of unruly, maybe had a little. Few disciplinary problems. So the way that she handled it was she had the class come to a vote on whether he should stay in the class or not. And it wasn't just a private voter. I mean, because the vote itself sounds crazy, but each kid was able to say out loud what they did not like about Alex. And then after they said that, then they did a vote, and the vote was like 14 to 2 that Alex should be kicked out of class. And so Alex's mother is trying to figure out whether she's going to take legal action because he is now apparently being diagnosed with Asperger's, which is a form of autism, which could explain his disciplinary actions in class. Instead of them being able to recognize he had autism, it was more of, well, let's vote. And See if we want Alex in class or not. And was able to humiliate him. And he even said to his mother the other day, she reported him saying, I'm not special because he didn't, you know, he was made to feel like nobody likes me.

[Host 2]

So in a case like this, I'm assuming this teacher thought what she did was right. Right. So she goes. And it spreads like wildfire around the school, and it just didn't make sense to any of the teachers. So in this case, you would be one of the teachers to call us and go, you're never going to believe what the teacher right next door to me did yesterday. There was also the wrestling story yesterday.

[Host 1]

Yeah, I forgot to Google this to get the exact story or where it happened, but you can find it on YouTube. There's a video of a teacher, and he's a male teacher and probably younger teacher in his 20s. And it's toward the end of the school year. And from what I remember reading, he just thought that the kids had done good and done their projects. And it was the end of the school year, so the boys in the class would be allowed to have little wrestling matches, and. And the teacher at one point thought he would participate. So there's actual video of this teacher, who used to be a wrestler in high school himself, taking down a student and pinning him on the floor. And then everybody cheers, and the teacher gets up and they high five each other, and they just keep going on, you know? But, you know, the idea at the time, I'm sure, was the teacher going, yeah, they did good in school. They can burn off some steam. In hindsight, I would at least tell Hope that now he's going, throwing a kid, body slamming a kid on the floor. Probably not. Smart move.

[Host 2]

Appropriate. Now, we could open this up to students also going, I can't believe my teacher did this to me.

[Co-host]

Right.

[Host 2]

Susan, we'll call you Susan. You are on the voice disguiser.

[Caller Julia]

Good morning.

[Caller Chris]

How are y' all this morning?

[Host 2]

Doing okay.

[Co-host]

All right.

[Host 2]

What's the most inappropriate thing that you have ever seen another teacher do to a student?

[Caller Denise]

This was actually in a special ed classroom, and one of the students needed to go to the restroom, and the lead teacher would not allow him to go to the restroom before he licked. And this was back in the day when they had, like, real chalkboards, not whiteboards. He had to lick the chalkboard from the bottom to the top before he could go.

[Host 1]

Why?

[Co-host]

Why?

[Caller Jack]

I don't know.

[Caller Denise]

I guess for that teacher's amusement. I mean, it was just Sick. Some of the things. Another time he held a student down and you know when you're a little kid and you get held down and they'll like, spit a loogie and hold it before it touches your face?

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Caller Denise]

Except he would actually let it hit them every time.

[Host 3]

Disgusting. This is a teacher.

[Host 2]

These are the teachers here. I hope this doesn't get sad quick. Good morning, Jane.

[Host 1]

You're on Q100 or not.

[Co-host]

Oh, he's like. Well, I had a sad story.

[Host 2]

Teacher helps student cheat on CRCT tests.

[Host 1]

Oh, I'd like to hear that one.

[Host 2]

Was what Jane was gonna say. Good morning, Q100.

[Caller Jack]

Good morning.

[Host 2]

Good morning.

[Caller Jack]

How you doing?

[Host 2]

I'm okay.

[Caller Jack]

Good, good. I had a comment about some teachers and situations.

[Host 2]

Okay, please don't tell me we're gonna get all serious, serious here.

[Caller Jack]

Well, I don't know. I guess it's the way different people see it. But I teach on the north side, and I'm a male teacher in elementary school situation. And I noticed a lot of African American female teachers get away with a lot more than most white male or female teachers.

[Host 2]

Oh, boy. This is going to take us in a totally different direction. What are you talking about? Here we go. What's up?

[Caller Jack]

Well, you know, me being in a primarily African American elementary school, I've noticed that a lot of the parents accept more of the physical discipline from the African American female teachers. As opposed to the.

[Host 3]

What kind of physical discipline?

[Caller Jack]

Well, anywhere from, you know, slapping on the hand to grabbing on the arm to. I've seen some accounts of literally choking the neck.

[Host 2]

You have seen this?

[Caller Jack]

Yes, sir.

[Host 2]

And you're saying white teachers don't do this, it's just the black teachers?

[Caller Jack]

That's correct. Because if we did it, then there'd be a big lawsuit.

[Host 3]

They have put their hands around a student's neck.

[Caller Jack]

Yes, ma'. Am.

[Host 3]

And literally threatened to choke them.

[Caller Jack]

Not just threaten. They have done that.

[Host 1]

Have you seen this with your own eyes?

[Caller Jack]

Yes, sir.

[Co-host]

And you reported it to the principal?

[Caller Jack]

No.

[Co-host]

Then how could they get in trouble?

[Host 2]

Right? I mean, you're just as. I mean, if you really did see that, you're just as at fault, right?

[Caller Jack]

Well, for that situation, that's. That's the case. But I'm. I'm not gonna report that situation. But I've seen other things that I'm not gonna report at all. I'm not gonna get involved with this.

[Host 2]

Well, then you're just as a fault.

[Caller Jack]

Well, you can definitely say that.

[Host 2]

And have you seen this with. With more than one teacher? Are you talking about one teacher? And now you're drawing big old conclusions about an entire race?

[Caller Jack]

Well, I'm not. I'm saying in my school I've seen some. Now, you know, it's obviously not been as bad as just that one particular situation, but it's definitely more physical. Like grabbing by the hand, grabbing by the arm. Get in here. It just seems like it's obvious that they get more. I think they get away with more. Maybe just.

[Host 1]

But if nobody's, if what you're saying is baseless because you're saying they get away with more, yet you've never turned them in. And unless you've seen a white teacher do the same thing and you turn them both in and one gets in trouble and one doesn't, to be perfectly honest, you're just being a racist.

[Caller Jack]

Okay, okay. Well, I'm sorry to waste your time then.

[Host 2]

Well, do something about it then. I mean, if you see something like that going on at school, you can call a radio station and say, this is what's going on, or you can do something about it and change it.

[Caller Jack]

Okay.

[Host 2]

I feel like I'm the teacher.

[Host 3]

His job would be threatened.

[Host 1]

I don't even think it's that. I think he.

[Host 2]

What do you mean his job would be threatened?

[Host 3]

Like, if he went and, and knocked on somebody and everything else. And then like, I feel, you know, I think he probably thinks he does. Doesn't want to deal with all that mess with that.

[Host 1]

He's, he, he is. I just think that he is. There's, you know, there are some people who. Everybody's got it better than they do. So you can apply. In this case, he was applying it to race. Oh, the black teachers get away with everything. I can't do anything. Black teachers get away with everything. That's his justification for his situation at school.

[Host 3]

Their subject matter be. Women get away with everything.

[Host 1]

Oh, women get away with everything. Oh, yeah, people. People who live outside the perimeter, they get, they have. Oh, so he's just one of those people. So that was a buzzkill.

[Host 2]

Get us some more total buzz.

[Host 1]

Get us some more fun chalkboard looking stories.

[Host 2]

That's what we're looking for. Yeah, you got it.

[Host 1]

You got anybody who had to clean a toilet with his bare hands?

[Host 2]

Hey, Chris, you're on Q100.

[Host 1]

That's what we're looking for.

[Host 2]

Yellow.

[Caller Julia]

Hello?

[Host 3]

Hey.

[Host 2]

Yeah, go ahead, Chris.

[Caller Chris]

Yes, go ahead.

[Host 2]

You're on the voice disguiser.

[Caller Chris]

Hi, Bert. I am calling because my son, when he was 5 and in kindergarten, it was Christmas party day or Holiday party day to be politically correct. And he had a substitute teacher who couldn't handle him. He wasn't sitting still, and this, that, and the other. And so she sent him to another kindergarten teacher's classroom, and that kindergarten teacher couldn't handle him, so they shoved him in her supply closet. Like, they stuck a desk in there and stuck him in the supply closet and forgot about him.

[Host 1]

That's awesome.

[Host 2]

No. For how long?

[Caller Chris]

Cause I'm the room mother. And they had to go find my kid. He's sitting in a supply closet. And he had gotten the teacher's scissors. Like, not the safety kindergarten scissors, but the teacher scissors, and had slashed and cut holes and designs in his jeans from top to bottom.

[Host 2]

How long was he in that supply closet?

[Caller Chris]

Two hours.

[Host 2]

Two hours.

[Caller Chris]

I mean, this kid. It's not easy for a kid to use real scissors to cut jeans. These are, like, the heavy winter jeans. My kid has slapped his legs up and down. I was like, oh, no, this is not gonna happen. This is not gonna work. I'm gonna need to talk to the vice principal.

[Host 3]

Did they lock him in there?

[Caller Chris]

No, no, they had the. They had a door open, but the. But the closet's, like, around the corner. So they just, like, shoved the desk in there and stuck the kid and my kid in there and then completely.

[Caller Denise]

Forgot about the fact that he was.

[Caller Chris]

In there because it was Christmas, holiday party day, and, you know, there's crafts to be made and.

[Co-host]

Well, he made his.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

He did.

[Host 3]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

I don't. Yeah. I don't understand why you're upset.

[Host 2]

All right, Jack, you'll be the last.

[Host 1]

Guy with the fun stuff. We're looking for Burke. Kids and kids in closets playing with.

[Host 2]

Scissors, forgotten for two hours. Go ahead, Jack. You're on Q100.

[Caller Jack]

Yeah. When I was in second grade, I had a teacher take me to the desk that's.

[Host 2]

That's literally taped you to the desk?

[Caller Jack]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Like, with duct tape?

[Caller Jack]

No, it was, like, white masking tape.

[Host 3]

And how old were you?

[Caller Jack]

I was about 7 or 8.

[Host 1]

I think that's awesome.

[Host 3]

I think that's kind of.

[Host 1]

That's old school discipline right there. I'm cool with that.

[Host 2]

Hey, Melissa, you usually like this old.

[Co-host]

School discipline kind of stuff.

[Host 2]

You're way old school.

[Co-host]

Yeah. Well, there you go.

[Host 2]

Were you the hyper kid that they just. Were you the hyper kid they just couldn't settle down?

[Caller Susan]

No, not really.

[Caller Jack]

It was just, you know, we were in the middle of taking a test, and I had a crappy pencil, so I had to sharpen it. To take the test because it was one of those that you fill in the little dots. And I guess she thought I was being unruly and take me to the death.

[Co-host]

Well, I mean, come on. Did you do it again? That's the question.

[Host 2]

Did you ever do it again?

[Co-host]

Did you ever do it again? But it's not.

[Host 2]

I don't know if people are having.

[Co-host]

Trouble hearing us on the phone today. If he never did it again, then the discipline worked and he wasn't hurt.

[Host 3]

And did you hear him say, I just had to sharpen a pencil? Like, the teacher was pushed to the point of taping him to the chair. Only because one time he got out of his seat to sharpen a pencil.

[Host 2]

There was so much buildup before that happened.

[Host 3]

I'm so sure.

[Host 1]

The Birch Show.

[Host 2]

Denise, you're just sick of being all buttoned up and all conservative, and she's looking to shed that skin, get a little wild this summer.

[Host 3]

I don't know why, but I'm imagining her in a music video with her hair up in a tight bun and some horn rim glasses on, and then she's gonna take them off, take her hair down and shake it around.

[Host 1]

Are you also imagining it's 1985 and you're watching Van Halen?

[Host 3]

Van who? I'm kidding.

[Host 2]

Good morning, Denise. You are on the voice disguiser. Hello.

[Caller Denise]

Good morning.

[Host 2]

Good morning. Can you speak up a little bit for us, please?

[Caller Denise]

Sure.

[Host 2]

Thank you.

[Co-host]

I can hear you in the back of the classroom. Sorry.

[Host 2]

So what's going on? You ready to get a little nuts this summer?

[Caller Chris]

Yeah.

[Caller Julia]

Well, can I kind of give you.

[Caller Denise]

Guys a little bit of background?

[Host 2]

Absolutely.

[Caller Denise]

Why? I am where I am right now.

[Co-host]

Okay?

[Caller Denise]

So basically, here's what's going on. I worked really, really hard when I was in school, in high school to get into a really good college. And I went through college. You know, I didn't party a whole lot in college. I've never been drunk in my entire life. Like, you know, seriously, I mean, I may have been tipsy a couple of times, but that's about as extreme as it's gotten for me. And, you know, I just. I never was a party girl. I was always really serious about getting through college and getting through my good grades and that kind of thing. And I'm now a first year teacher straight out of college.

[Co-host]

Okay.

[Caller Denise]

And it's kind of sad because I see my students, they're getting ready to be done for the summer, and they're all jazzed and excited about getting ready to go off to college. And that kind of thing. And I realized that I never really got to have a good time, you know? I mean, like, I never really dated anyone in high school.

[Caller Julia]

I.

[Caller Denise]

You know, I've never really had, like, a really, you know, kind of active social life that way. I mean, I've been to a handful of parties in my life that I got invited to probably out of, like, my friends that pitied me. But even then, I would go home early so I could study, and I'm just. I'm kind of at the point where, you know, I'm ready to kind of let my hair down and be wild and have some fun this summer, you know? Like, I just. I want to have a good time. And you know what? One of my girlfriends, she's so sweet. We've been best friends since we were freshmen in high school, and she's like, you know what? I agree. It's time.

[Caller Julia]

We're gonna go.

[Caller Denise]

We're gonna go tonight, and I plan on getting, like, completely smashed and having a good time for once in my life, and, you know, and just.

[Caller Chris]

I don't know.

[Caller Denise]

I feel like I missed out on so much, you know, studying and then, you know, going straight from high school. I mean, I even took summer courses between high school and college so that I could get ahead in college.

[Host 2]

Denise, how old are you? What are you, like, 25 years old?

[Caller Denise]

Yeah.

[Caller Chris]

And, I mean, look, the thing is that, you know what?

[Caller Denise]

When everyone else was in Cancun for their graduation trip from high school, I was taking prep courses for college.

[Host 3]

You're kind of bitter.

[Co-host]

This sounds like the quarter.

[Host 2]

It sounds like the quarter life crisis that we talk about.

[Host 3]

I don't think this is the same type of quarter life crisis. I think this is a different story. But I think that she's smart at least to identify needing to let her hair down and get a little crazy now.

[Co-host]

But you're not too late like that. I think the bitterness in your voice. But you're 25, so, I mean, you're not too late to be able to enjoy yourself, you know?

[Host 3]

And I would say tonight, you need to be careful, because you said you've never even been drunk before.

[Caller Jack]

No.

[Host 3]

It's not gonna take very much. You need to be careful on the.

[Co-host]

And you're gonna be with people you trust, right?

[Caller Denise]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Co-host]

Because they're gonna end up having to take care of you.

[Caller Denise]

Mm.

[Host 1]

At about 10, right.

[Host 2]

So alcohol has never crossed your lips before?

[Caller Chris]

No, I have.

[Caller Denise]

I mean, I've had a drink before, but I've just. I've Never gotten bashed in my life.

[Host 2]

Okay. So it's really more. It's not so much about the alcohol as it is just like wanting to go out, wanting to start date, letting your hair down a little bit, going to clubs, just living it up a little bit like you feel like you should have done a couple of years ago.

[Co-host]

I never thought that I would. I never considered a teacher being kind of jealous of their students because it sounds to me that what kind of brought this to light is the fact that you see your students enjoying themselves a little bit. Right.

[Caller Denise]

Yeah, I mean, I just. I see that they're off to have, like, the time of their lives.

[Host 2]

I can understand this. I can understand. I could totally understand this.

[Host 3]

Do you think you could put together, like, a summer checklist?

[Caller Denise]

I'd like what I want to do this summer.

[Host 2]

So. Homework assignment.

[Caller Denise]

Are you telling me.

[Caller Julia]

Yeah.

[Caller Denise]

I want to go and I want to make a diorama, and, you know, I want to go and I want to party and I want to maybe, you know, meet a hot guy and, you know, have a fling with him and just do everything that I haven't let myself do since I was, you know, like. And I started thinking about what college I wanted to go to.

[Co-host]

Yeah, so you had a fling with a hot dog.

[Host 3]

I think you should make, like, a checklist of clubs you want to see that you've never been to before.

[Host 2]

Cross off opera, you know, go to opera, then cross that off. Velvet rum. Do that one.

[Host 3]

Exactly. And then I think you should make a list of boys you'd like to make out with or. Summer fling. Right. Or, I don't know. I mean, what else? I mean, and just check it off the list this summer, and then maybe it'll be out of your system by the time school rolls around this fall.

[Host 2]

Yeah. Like, what are some of the things this summer?

[Host 3]

This late July when they go back to school.

[Host 2]

If you are putting together a checklist of things for the entire summer, what would it be? Besides going out in clubbing, doing it up a little bit, besides, you know, dating a little bit more. What else is on that list for you?

[Caller Denise]

I mean, just having a good time and not feeling guilty about it. Truly.

[Host 1]

When you go out tonight to get all schnockered, I would recommend there's a drink called Jagermeister. It'll really help you ramp up without getting too hammered too quickly.

[Caller Denise]

I've heard a lot of people get really sick off of it.

[Co-host]

I think you're gonna get sick anyway.

[Host 2]

The Devil's water. Hey, Susan, you're on Q100.

[Caller Susan]

Hey, good morning. Listen, I just want to let the caller know that I was a lot like her. And I also am a teacher much older than her now. But don't be jealous of your students. Let me tell you, I had my masters by the time I was 25, 26, specialist degree in administration by the time I was 27. And it is so much more fun to party when you have money and you have a house and a car and you can pay for it.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Caller Susan]

Don't regret what you didn't do. You did it. You did it in the right order. So now you got all that you, you know, all the money you need to have a good time.

[Host 3]

It doesn't even seem like you have a frame of reference of where to begin on this checklist. I think you need to get a wild friend. I think that needs to be, like, on the top of your checklist is to wild friend. No more wild than Wendy. She's still a little reserved. I mean, I think this girl needs a professional wild woman to take her under her wing. She don't even know where to go.

[Host 2]

Yeah, right.

[Co-host]

You know what I mean?

[Host 3]

Like, she doesn't even know, like, where. What places to put on her checklist.

[Host 2]

Maybe we need to find a Birchill listener that can call us every week with, like, a homework assignment. We'll keep it very teacher, very educational.

[Co-host]

She doesn't want to be teacher.

[Host 2]

No, what I'm saying is, like, she'll have a homework. Yeah, she's got a lesson plan.

[Host 1]

It's a lesson plan for the summer.

[Host 3]

Right.

[Host 2]

Suzanne, you're on Q100.

[Caller Susan]

Q100. I'm a new listener and I love your show already because we have calling in. I love the lesson plan idea, but I think you should put it on your website. You should have people submit ideas because, for example, I think she should get a piercing.

[Host 3]

Oh, yeah.

[Caller Susan]

When I was 30. When I was 30 years old and I had my oldest daughter when I was 20. So she. We're kind of talking about how I was going to recover. I was a brand new single mom. And she said, you know, mom, you should get a piercing. And I put it off for five years and I finally did it when she went and got hers. I went and got my cartilage done.

[Host 2]

So good for you.

[Caller Susan]

And I just felt so naughty. It was great.

[Host 1]

There's nothing hot about that sentence.

[Host 2]

What's that?

[Host 1]

Just got my cartilage done and I.

[Host 2]

Felt naughty about it. So we would put piercing on the list. I think an all nighter?

[Host 3]

Yes.

[Host 2]

You got to do 24 straight hours without sleeping.

[Caller Denise]

I mean, I've done that before when I've been studying.

[Host 1]

She's probably not.

[Co-host]

Not papers, not study. All nighter is not for studying.

[Host 1]

Just pay to grade.

[Host 3]

No more.

[Co-host]

No, no, no. That's what we're talking about.

[Host 2]

It's like going out and partying, then going, you know, after party and then having plans to go to breakfast and then hit a deck bar somewhere or go to a beach and do an all nighter.

[Host 3]

I also think she needs to start some day drinking. You know where you start at noon, get a good table outside all day.

[Host 2]

Yeah, it does. It does sound like we are talking to somebody that has zero idea.

[Host 3]

No, she does.

[Co-host]

No, she makes. No.

[Host 2]

You're going to need some guidance through this and we want to guide you through this.

[Caller Julia]

All right, well, I'm willing to take whatever suggestions y' all have.

[Caller Denise]

I just. I don't want to spend the whole summer being sick.

[Co-host]

Well, the thing is, it's all about. Because we have two things about alcohol.

[Host 1]

Now we're scaring her.

[Co-host]

But now, now we have to focus on the guys. Like I do think that you talk about she needs a random makeout session with a stranger.

[Caller Denise]

You know, I'm all for that actually.

[Caller Julia]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Host 3]

She's like that. I can wrap my brain around.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Alright, let us put together like a wild child 101 list for you and let's meet back in a couple of days and what, are you out of school? You're out of school. This is it this week?

[Caller Denise]

Pretty much, yeah.

[Host 2]

Okay. Take some suggestions from the Birch show community also and then we'll follow you through the entire summer. One of two things is going to happen. You're either going to love this life and you may never be able to look back again, or you're absolutely going to hate it and realize that you haven't missed a damn thing or feel.

[Host 3]

Like you got it out of your.

[Host 2]

System or you got it out of your system.

[Host 1]

The Birch Show.

[Host 2]

Not exactly sure how long she's been playing video games online with this other woman who's like halfway around the world, but they've formed a friendship and she's getting ready to go over there and just take off and hang out with her for a while. Here's Julia. Hey, Julia.

[Host 1]

Hello.

[Host 2]

Hi. You're on the Voice Disguiser. How are you?

[Caller Julia]

I'm doing well. I love your show. Listen to it every morning with my boyfriend.

[Co-host]

Thank you.

[Host 2]

All right, so you started playing video games online yeah. And what's your.

[Caller Julia]

Actually, I'm sorry, when I was in high school and that was probably 10 years ago. Well, we just, I don't know, because when I moved here, I was really depressed and I needed, you know, just a little outlet just to have fun because I wasn't really making friends here. So I just made some friends online and this one girl I've been talking to, been talking to her for about 10 years and we're the same age and I really, really want to go visit her, but she lives in England and it's, you know, I'd stay with her family. The only thing I'd have to pay for really is a plane ticket and maybe some meals and whatever we wanted.

[Caller Denise]

To do out there.

[Caller Julia]

But of course, my boyfriend, when I first told him about this, when we first started dating, he was like, oh, heck no.

[Co-host]

Why?

[Caller Julia]

I don't care. You know, you cannot go over there. You know, this is like a month in we're dating. I was like, what? Yeah, okay, well, whatever. But now I have the opportunity to do it because I have the money to do it now. And I really want to go like to the point where I am willing to say, like, okay, well, I'm basically going to take a trip. I really don't want to tell him where.

[Host 2]

All right, first of all, you got to explain the whole deal to me because I don't go online and play video games. So when you're online and you're playing video games, not only are you guys competing against each other, but I'm assuming then you guys start exchanging emails and you become friends that way.

[Caller Julia]

Okay, okay, so this is like, wow, triple dorkorama type stuff, but it's a text based game. Or it was. Then it's still on. So I'll give you the link if you wanted. But it's basically a text based role playing game where you're like, this one's based in France, like him in the 1600s or whatever. You just kind of role play like that. And they're like little quests that you do. It's kind of like World of Warcraft without the visual.

[Host 2]

Okay, all right.

[Caller Julia]

You can imagine that.

[Caller Chris]

And then, yeah, we just start talking.

[Caller Julia]

And then it turns in. Like at first it was, you know, just fun game, but then it turned into like just a big chat room for everyone just to talk.

[Host 2]

I gotcha. All right.

[Caller Denise]

That's how we, you know.

[Co-host]

But you said that you've communicated with her for 10 years, right? Is that what you said?

[Caller Julia]

Yeah, almost 10 years.

[Co-host]

And you, and you can stay with her and her family in England.

[Caller Julia]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

I mean, so you, you feel like you need to lie to your boyfriend because he's so weirded out by it. But do you feel uncomfortable doing that?

[Caller Julia]

No, because again, dork. But I've met people from online. Like my first boyfriend I met, I don't know if it's the online dating service and it was, you know, horrible. But you know, I've met other people from online and I met some people from that game and I mean, it was fine, but the only thing like is, you know, going to a whole different continent. And my boyfriend's opinion was, well, you know, you don't know anything about that, you know, country. But I'm like, well, at least it's a place I'm going where I know the language.

[Co-host]

England. It's not like it's real scary place. I mean, you know, I mean there.

[Host 2]

Are scary people everywhere. There are scary people here in Atlanta.

[Co-host]

Yeah, but it just, it's not like if all the countries to go to in fact feel intimidated. I would think England would be the least intimidating of the world based for.

[Host 2]

Americans, you know, Canada probably ranks number one.

[Co-host]

Canada, then England.

[Host 2]

Then you got England.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

But Jen and Jeff were the ones that their knee jerk reaction was, what, this kind of dangerous?

[Host 1]

Nah.

[Host 3]

Well, I didn't realize she had known her for 10 years. That definitely changes it for me that if you've been talking to this girl and been friends with her for that long, then she's legit. I thought maybe you met her like a month ago and she was like, yeah, come on over. And then when you show up, she's not a she, she's a 68 year old creepazoid. You know what I mean? Like I just was saying, you know, you should be cautionary if you didn't know who you were really going over there to meet. But if you guys have exchanged phone numbers and pictures and emails and all that kind of stuff, then I think you're probably pretty safe. I mean, have a couple things in place, you know, maybe a second place to stay if you get there and you're uncomfortable.

[Host 2]

What was your knee jerk reaction there, Jeff?

[Host 1]

Well, I just think that it's always dangerous when you go over with and you might be able to fill in details that would be more reassuring. But I think it's dangerous to go over to another country and go far away planning on staying with somebody for an entire week. And what if you get over there and on day two, the person's weird. Or you know them online for 10 years. I just think that's a different relationship. And please don't email me and talk to me about how you met your husband online. That's fantastic for you. Congratulations.

[Co-host]

What do you do if it was a pen pal situation where girls have been pen palling, you'd still have the same reservations.

[Host 1]

Go on a trip to England with your boyfriend and then stop in and see her. Stop in and see her. And then if everything goes great, maybe next year, then you go back and you stay with her for a week. But I just think it's. It's dangerous in this day and time.

[Host 2]

I got no beef with it. Maybe as a contingency backup plan, like at a hotel for the first night or two and then see how it goes. Maybe handle it the same you would as if you were hanging out with a guy. But I'm just not nervous about it at all, especially 10 years. Hey, Sean.

[Caller Sean]

Hey.

[Host 2]

Hey.

[Caller Sean]

Yeah, I actually. I played an online role playing game for about two years and I went over to. To Sweden and actually stayed with the guy that I met there through the game for about a week. And I mean, it went great. No problems. He took me out around the country and showed me sites and everything, bought me food. So I mean, it was a great, great trip.

[Host 2]

No problems.

[Caller Sean]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Smelled my hair, cut my toenails for me.

[Co-host]

Yeah. Not everybody's creepy, though. But I understand the reservation, but in this situation, I don't see. I don't know, I just don't think that she's going to be unsafe.

[Caller Sean]

I just want to let you know.

[Caller Jack]

I just want to smell your hair.

[Caller Sean]

I've seen it and I just want to smell it.

[Host 1]

Dude. There you go.

[Host 2]

Good morning. Myra here.

[Host 1]

Welcome to Sweden.

[Host 2]

Good morning, myra. You're on Q100.

[Caller Julia]

Hi.

[Caller Susan]

I just wanted to tell Julie to not be scared. As long as you stay in contact with your family and they know where you are and you, you know, phone them every couple of days of days or whatever to go and have a great time. I dated a guy from Scotland that I met online for five years and went over to visit his family and meet them and everything. And it was wonderful. You're gonna love going to Great Britain. It's a fantastic place. There's so much to do. And if you have a free place to stay, gosh, that's awesome.

[Host 2]

Shawna here is a little bit more cautious.

[Host 3]

Okay.

[Host 2]

Hey, Shawna.

[Caller Susan]

Hey.

[Host 2]

Hola.

[Caller Susan]

She should not go by herself. I've had a friend to be in that situation. She still does not know that person and that person's motives. I think she should go with her boyfriend and do the other thing and then meet him and maybe go back. Is very dangerous.

[Host 2]

Do you think somebody would, like, have an ulterior motive after a decade of talking to you on the phone?

[Caller Susan]

Absolutely. People run gay.

[Host 2]

Oh, hey, for 10 years.

[Caller Susan]

Yes. Even for 10 years, you don't know a person until you meet them. And actually. And even then you still might not know them. I just think that's dangerous for her to go so far away from home, from anybody she knows.

[Host 3]

What is our Lister on the voice disguiser again?

[Host 2]

Julia.

[Host 3]

Julia, at what age did you meet your friend? How old were you when y' all met?

[Caller Julia]

When we first started playing the game, I was 15.

[Host 3]

So 15. So they were like, kind of like te teenager friends.

[Host 2]

How old is your friend?

[Caller Julia]

She is 24.

[Host 2]

About the same age. Met when she was 14. Yeah, online.

[Host 3]

I just think there's no problem with it.

[Co-host]

It's just a. Now's the time where you actually have the money to go and visit the bird show.