The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, December 2 [Vault]
Date: December 2, 2025
Episode Theme: Candid celebrity chat, fun personal banter, gender and beauty standards, politics, and comedic “smear campaigns”
Overview
This episode of The Bert Show delivers an entertaining mix of celebrity interviews, light-hearted conversation, and relatable life topics. The show features an engaging interview with supermodel Tyra Banks, lively group banter about societal views on beauty, fun takes on sexiness for men and women, and a creative parody on political smear campaigns among the show’s hosts. Throughout, the show remains upbeat, honest, and humorous while promoting positive self-image and critical thinking.
Key Segments & Discussions
1. Special Guest Interview: Tyra Banks
[01:32 – 09:31]
Tyra's Trailblazing Career
- Tyra Banks joins the show, reflecting on her barrier-breaking achievements as the first African American woman on the covers of GQ, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, and Victoria’s Secret.
- Quote (Tyra, 01:55): “Yes.” (on being first African American woman cover model)
- She discusses the impact of the Sports Illustrated cover on her career.
- Quote (Tyra, 02:12): “I think it really did help a lot... I really think it made everybody in America say, ‘Oh, who’s that girl?’”
The Reality of Modeling
- Tyra humorously admits she doesn't enjoy beach photo shoots: sand, sun, and the lack of privacy are downsides.
- Quote (Tyra, 02:59): “Anywhere with sand and water... I hate shooting on a beach.”
- Dispels myths about supermodel beauty routines and reveals she spends three and a half hours in makeup but avoids facials.
- Quote (Tyra, 03:58): “I don’t really do any of that stuff... but I do sit in a hair and makeup chair for three and a half hours.”
Self-Perception and Advice for Aspiring Models
- Tyra is candid about not viewing herself as beautiful without makeup.
- Quote (Tyra, 04:18): “I look at myself as a palette... I don’t look at myself all natural and say, ‘Ooh, girl, you fine.’”
- Advises young girls to value education and highlights how subjective and tough the industry is.
- Quote (Tyra, 04:42): “Get your education first... just because you’re beautiful doesn’t mean you photograph great.”
- Shares harsh rejections she faced for her looks: “We already have enough Black girls. ...Your lips are too big. Your nose is too soft.” [05:29]
Coping with Criticism
- Tyra credits her mom for teaching her to view herself as a “product” and not attach self-worth to professional rejection.
- Quote (Tyra, 05:59): “My mom taught me to look at myself as a product and separate myself from the product.”
Flaws and Retouching
- Most airbrushed features? “Dimples on my booty. Cellulite on the backs of the thighs. Dark circles under my eyes.” [06:54]
New TV Show: America’s Next Top Model
- Tyra introduces her new reality competition show, emphasizing its realistic look at modeling.
- Quote (Tyra, 07:20): “I created this show... we follow them 24/7, similar to ‘The Real World.’”
- Tyra is a fan of The Real World, specifically the Las Vegas, Seattle, and New York seasons; jokes about a famous controversial scene.
- Quote (Tyra, 08:33): “Which one was Seattle? Was that when that guy bitch slapped that girl in the car? Yeah, I like that one too. That was a good one.”
2. What’s Sexy? Gendered Beauty Standards [09:49 – 18:34]
Female Sexiness: Dos and Don'ts
- The cast lists “Unsexy” behaviors for women: missing spots shaving legs, excessive hair flipping, scratching, talking about body mites, face/nose picking, eating too fast, and nail-biting.
- Quote (Melissa, 14:34): “...the number one thing on my list of things not to do if you want to be sexy is bite your nails.”
Male Sexiness: The Mystery
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The team ponders what makes men sexy, noting women’s standards can be contradictory and less visual.
- Quote (Jeff, 15:06): “For a guy it is so easy to look at a woman and for a woman to make herself sexy. But I have never really got any concrete answers on what can make a guy physically sexy.”
-
Moderate reveal of physique—like a fitted shirt—is generally agreed to be more attractive than oversharing.
- Quote (Melissa, 15:38): “You don't want to do that cut-off shirt thing, which is nasty and redneck...But a nicely fit shirt that shows some physique, that is sexy.”
-
The group shares a story about a photo of an exceedingly hairy man that’s both "disgusting" and "hypnotic."
- Quote (Jeff, 17:23): “He is the hairiest human being I have ever seen... so disgusting that I could not look away.”
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They debate whether people are genuinely attracted to excess body hair.
- Quote (Melissa, 18:28): “Some women and some men find that very, very attractive.”
3. Smear Campaigns in Politics... and Among the Hosts!
[21:28 – 33:35]
Real Political Ads & Smear Tactics
- Brief discussion on real elections, negative campaigning, and how mudslinging influences voters who don’t research.
- Quote (Jeff, 21:28): “These smear campaigns must be productive because, I mean, in each and every election... the candidates wouldn’t just bash each other the way they do, right?”
Family Attitudes About Voting
- Personal anecdotes about how some families keep their votes secret and avoid showing off new purchases to neighbors.
The Show’s Own Political Smear Ads [27:42 – 33:35]
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The crew produces humorous “smear campaign” commercials targeting each other, parodying classic attack-ad tropes.
- Against Melissa Carter (Narration, 28:11): “Melissa Carter. Not now, not ever. Not the right choice...”
- Against Burt Weiss (Melissa, 29:10): “Do you really want Burt Weiss in charge of educating your children? Think about that when you go to the polls today.”
- Against Jeff Dollar (Melissa’s parody, 30:27): “If you can handle a text-only relationship with your political leader... don’t expect anything more from Jeff$.”
- Against Jen Hobby (Jeff’s parody, 32:01): “Jen Hobby doesn’t know what it means to succeed. She doesn’t know victory... her lifestyle is not conducive to a feeling of family.”
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The entire team joins in to elaborate and react, poking fun at each other's quirks, ranging from addiction to technology to cussing in front of children.
Memorable Quotes & Moments
Tyra Banks on perseverance:
“My mom taught me to look at myself as a product and to separate myself from the product... It just means, you know, that that product is not really hot right now, and it’s time to move on...” [05:59]
Tyra Banks, candidly on flaws:
“Dimples on my booty. You know, cellulite on the backs of the thighs. Dark circles underneath my eyes.” [06:54]
Jeff Dollar, on male sex appeal:
“I have never really got any concrete answers on what can make a guy physically sexy.” [15:06]
Group, on body hair fascination:
“It is so disgusting that I could not look away. It was that bad.” (Jeff, on seeing the hairy guy photo, 17:23)
“I imagine, people like Drano or those companies making a lot of money off him because he clogs the drain every time he showers.” (Melissa, 18:13)
Timestamps for Noteworthy Segments
- 01:32: Tyra Banks joins the show
- 02:59: Tyra on disliking beach photoshoots
- 04:18: Self-perception and “product” mentality
- 05:25: Model rejection stories
- 06:54: Flaws most retouched on Tyra’s photos
- 07:20: Intro to ‘America’s Next Top Model’
- 09:49: Group pivots to ‘what’s sexy’ talk
- 14:34: List of biggest “unsexy” habits for women
- 17:23: Hairy guy photo anecdote
- 21:28: Real-world smear campaigns and politics
- 27:42: Show’s own parody smear ads begin
- 32:01: Jeff’s comedic attack ad on Jen Hobby
Tone & Style
The show keeps an energetic, playful, and conversational style, often pivoting between genuine insight and tongue-in-cheek humor. The hosts are candid about their quirks, share laughs at their own expense, and create a friendly, welcoming atmosphere for both celebrity guests and listeners.
Summary
This episode is classic “The Bert Show”: an artful blend of celebrity access (with Tyra Banks), audience relatability on beauty standards and gender expectations, and the group’s signature comedic chemistry. Whether offering advice, poking fun at themselves, or parodying the political climate, the hosts keep things real and entertaining, making this a perfect listen for anyone wanting wit, honesty, and genuine connection.