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- [00:00]
Bert
The Burt show.
- [00:01]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
All right, Dr. Arielle Jeff, who is she?
- [00:03]
Bert
She is a teacher that we've recruited to blog on our website and be brutally honest about what's going on in her school and in her life as it relates to teaching. Because, you know, we all deal with them, but we don't really know what goes on.
- [00:16]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Behind the teacher's lounge door is the voice disguise run.
- [00:22]
Bert
Yes.
- [00:22]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Hello, Dr. Ariel.
- [00:24]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Hi.
- [00:25]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
How are you this morning?
- [00:26]
Fantasia Barrino
Good.
- [00:26]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
How about you?
- [00:27]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
I'm okay. Now, I may be misreading this. Okay. But in reading your blog last night, and maybe it was the state of mind that I was in, I just kind of get the feeling that you're kind of getting sick and tired of some of the comments that are coming back at you.
- [00:40]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Well, after being in this for 15 years, I've got tough skin. I have the ability to let things roll off my back because if I didn't, I couldn't be in this profession for that very long. But the frustration comes from, once again, people want to know how their kids are doing. You tell them. This is the irony of the situations where I'm going with this is that people don't want to hear the bad things about their kids. They want you to stroke their ego. So when you try to be honest about what's going on, look what's happened. I'm getting a lot of lip about it because people don't want to hear it. They want to hear the fluff of it. And you know, they don't want to.
- [01:18]
Jen Hobby
Face their kids problems and actually work on a solution. They just want to point their finger at you because that's a lot easier.
- [01:24]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
And that's what happened in the blog. It's my fault. So that's the frustration. And that's exactly how it is in the classroom.
- [01:30]
Fantasia Barrino
It's my fault.
- [01:31]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Let's talk specifics here. Because you cite the example of some student that didn't get like his agenda signed or something like that, or you gave him an F and the mom sent it back with a really nasty note on it.
- [01:44]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Well, I wrote in his agenda that he didn't turn in his homework. And she wrote back to me. So and so always does his homework. Surely you misplaced it. Oh, God, no, I didn't misplace it. I have five college degrees. I did not misplace Steve's favor. You know, so he just didn't do it. And that's just it. They don't want to hear that he didn't do his homework. They want you to hear, oh, he made an A. He did great. Well, maybe he did, but I know he didn't turn in his homework.
- [02:12]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
So rather than accept the responsibility and come down on little Johnny or whatever, she's saying, no, this must be your fault. You miss. You misplaced the homework.
- [02:19]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
There you go. Wow.
- [02:20]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
And that's pretty typical.
- [02:22]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Well, now it's not every parent. No, I know that. And it's this. I know there are isolated incidences at every school. You have to remember, I'm only one teacher in one school who has agreed to do this. But when you get somebody like that, you know, most of the kids do turn in their homework. But when you get a comment like that from a parent, you feel like she wants to know what's going on, but yet she doesn't want to support what I say.
- [02:48]
Jen Hobby
We've asked you to blog about the things that are frustrating you. So if we asked you to blog about all the wonderful parents, then you'd be doing that. But we asked you to blog about what is frustrating to be a teacher in this state and in this city. And that's exactly what you're doing. So obviously, you know, the people going on the blog are going. But there's good kids out there, too. Of course, but we're not talking about that.
- [03:10]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
If I didn't make anybody mad, I.
- [03:12]
Fantasia Barrino
Wouldn'T be doing my job.
- [03:13]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
So I feel like I'm doing my job.
- [03:14]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
So, you know, you seem to get really irritated by a couple of comments that from people that were specifically pointing to, like, karma.
- [03:23]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Yeah, what's that? About a child dying in my classroom. That's karma. Are you kidding me?
- [03:27]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Explain. I don't. I don't understand what you mean.
- [03:30]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Over the weekend, I had a student and her father, they were killed in a car accident. And so one of the comments in the blog back to me was this, you know, kind of like along the lines of, you got what you deserve. This is karma. I'm sorry, a child dying is not karma.
- [03:47]
Jen Hobby
That doesn't even make any sense.
- [03:48]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
No, that's somebody that obviously doesn't understand the meaning of karma and be.
- [03:51]
Bert
What?
- [03:51]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
I mean, what a malicious comment.
- [03:54]
Bert
Are you sure that. Were they referring to the car accident or were they referring to something else you may have put in your blog?
- [03:58]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
I think they were referring to that because I'm being so honest about the way parents really are that it came back to me about my attitude about some parents. Well, you know what? This is how a lot of teachers feel. A lot of teachers want to get in the parent's face and say, look, your child is not perfect. You need to accept that. And they don't want to hear it. They don't want to hear it. And it's the same thing.
- [04:22]
Melissa Carter
Well, yeah, I agree with Bert on two points. One, it is a terrible comment. And two, that person needs to get in a classroom because that's not karma. They don't understand the definition of karma.
- [04:32]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
And several teachers have written, you know, there are a lot of teachers who support what I say and I appreciate all of them who come on and write a positive comment. And I myself have written and other teachers have written, if you think you can do better, go apply.
- [04:45]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Right. There's one thing talking about it, well, sign up to be a teacher then.
- [04:49]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
We need plenty of subs. Plenty, plenty, plenty.
- [04:51]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
You also mentioned that 50% of teachers leave within the first five years of their career.
- [04:56]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
That's correct.
- [04:57]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
If you had to like, put a list together of like three or five reasons why, what would you point to?
- [05:03]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Parents. That'd be the first one. Discipline. There's. We have little to no control over the kids in our classroom. And when they're sent to the principal, they just get a slap on the wrist and they're sent right back to the classroom. Let's see. I would say parents and discipline are the number one reason. Lack of support from the administration, too much paperwork, and you put in a lot of hours. I mean, somebody wrote that she does research and she doesn't even put in 12 hours a day. Well, I never said I put in 12 hours a day, but I do put in a lot of hours. In fact, the teacher I was talking to last night told me that she was up till one in the morning just getting the night before. She was up till one in the morning just getting papers together to send home and try to organize things. We do put in a lot of hours. We don't leave the school at 2:30, 3 o' clock and go home and sit on the couch and watch television. That is not how it is.
- [05:59]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
I think we had our intern, our former intern Martha, used to complain about the very same things. And she got into teaching for the right reasons and just kind of felt beat down the same way. And using the same examples that you're using right now, like, she didn't have any control of her classroom. She didn't get a lot of support from administration.
- [06:19]
Melissa Carter
I think she hit the nail on the head because I have another friend, I mean, such a brilliant man that decided he wanted to be a teacher and he left after three years because of the discipline problem, because he had no control in the classroom. And he would get reprimanded if he tried to do anything. And he lost.
- [06:32]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Right. And that is. Right. Let me tell you something that just recently came down in my county. We were told that we could send kids to the office or whatever for a certain discipline after, like, a level three discipline problem. Level one and level two, you had to handle on your own. I don't want to go too much into that because I don't want to reveal where I'm at. But you can only send a kid to the office for level three up to level five. And if you sent the child up one time, that was fine. The second time you sent a child up for level three to level five incident, they came to your classroom to observe you, to see what you were doing in your classroom, to make this child continue to do a level three to level five behavior. Now, excuse me, I have. I'm not a psychologist. I'm not. I'm not a behavior specialist. I'm a teacher, and I'm trying to do my job, but I can't when the juvenile delinquent in the classroom will not do what he's supposed to do, you know?
- [07:31]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Well, I think the word now is hoodlum.
- [07:34]
Melissa Carter
Yeah. Well, I mean, it sounds like, you know, the principals and the assistant principals don't want to get the phone calls from the parents either. Or they've gotten the phone calls from the parents and they're siding with the parents instead of the teacher. The teacher is fending for themselves.
- [07:45]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
You know, the administration is fighting with the parents because they're afraid of lawsuits. And that's not in every situation. So don't misinterpret me. But in a lot of cases, the administration does support the parents. And you're right. Teachers are fending for themselves.
- [07:59]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Hey, Ariel, I want to put you on hold for a couple of seconds, and I want to take some calls here from people that are talking about different things that you're touching on today, basically all supporting what you're saying. But hold on one second. I don't want to put everybody on the voice disguiser here. All right. Good morning, Shannon. You are on the Birch show. All the hits, Q100. Hi.
- [08:18]
Fantasia Barrino
How you doing? I just finished a thesis, actually, on exactly what you're talking about, about why teachers leave the field within five years and the three main reasons nationally. The first is finances. Teachers just don't make enough money. The second is inadequate preparation, because with programs like Teach America, they're Throwing teachers in that just don't have the experience or the background. And the last thing is inadequate administrative support, especially with respect to discipline.
- [08:47]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
I think that's exactly what Dr. Ariel is telling us is supporting your thesis. Yeah, I mean, she nailed it.
- [08:53]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Yeah.
- [08:53]
Fantasia Barrino
And it's totally, I mean, it's national. It's not a problem in her school, it's not a Georgia problem. It's every school.
- [09:00]
Melissa Carter
And it's a shame because, you know, I know Jen's mom's a teacher, my mom's a retired teacher. And a comment that my mother said to me after I got out of college, which for her is almost like, I don't know, she couldn't believe she was saying it, but she said if she was a mother now of school aged children, she would never put them in the public school system and she wouldn't teach in the public school system. And for her, it hurt her feelings to have to say that, but she just is so disappointed with the way that education has evolved.
- [09:29]
Jen Hobby
And I think that that's why my mom has always taken a pay cut to teach in the private schools. Because if you have to kick somebody out of your class, you kick them out of your class. They go to the principal, the parents are talked to. And I'm sure it's a similar, I'm sure it's a similar struggle, but with a private school you have an option to say, you're gone, bye, bye, kicked out of school, go find another one.
- [09:48]
Bert
But the problem with private schools, because I know private school teachers, is the parents are writing a check for the kid to go to that school. So if it's a big high money private school and the kid gets in trouble and the parents are big donors or big boosters because that's something different that can happen in public schools. Like a parent can build a new gym for a private school or a parent. So these big money private schools, kid does whatever he wants and the principal will pull the teacher aside and go, look, this person is, they're paying full tuition. They've got four kids behind him. They've already put three kids through the school and they've got a lot of cousins.
- [10:22]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
So what we're hearing here again is the grass is brown everywhere, people, right? Good morning, Trisha, you're on all the hits. Q100.
- [10:27]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
High high. Good morning. I agree with this teacher.
- [10:29]
Fantasia Barrino
I have two boys that are.
- [10:31]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
One is in third grade and one's in fifth grade. I have good boys, but I know they're not perfect. And if they misbehave or they're not.
- [10:38]
Fantasia Barrino
Following directions or listening to the teacher. I want to know in their agenda, and if they get in trouble, then, you know, she can do what she needs to do at school, and then I do what I need to do as a parent at home to try to make sure that this doesn't happen again.
- [10:51]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Yeah, again. I don't want to sensationalize this, and I think Arielle is always a little cautious about this. Also. It's not all parents she's talking about. I don't even think it's the majority of parents she's talking about, but it's a lot of parents.
- [11:02]
Melissa Carter
Come on. I mean, like, there's. There was no possibility in my growing up that my parents would have ever argued with the teacher over my behavior if I was sent home, or the teacher told my parents that I did something wrong, that I automatically got punished at home from my parents because they were partners with the teachers. But I guarantee you, there's a great amount of parents out there who are against the teachers. And if you're a parent that has ever had to call the teacher to complain to the teacher about the way that they discipline their child in the classroom, you're one of them.
- [11:31]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
You're wrong.
- [11:32]
Melissa Carter
You're wrong.
- [11:32]
Bert
If you have ever questioned the teacher for disciplining your kid, you are wrong.
- [11:36]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
You were right.
- [11:37]
Melissa Carter
You were one of those parents.
- [11:38]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
I don't know what changed.
- [11:39]
Bert
Teachers aren't perfect, and they make mistakes. But just in the whole realm of raising kids, there has to be a level of authority. And even if the teacher is wrong, and even if the teacher accused your kid of cheating and you weren't really cheating, then, unfortunately, that's a lesson that you learn in life, that, guess what? Sometimes the teacher's wrong, and you get the short end of the stick. Deal with it.
- [11:58]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
I don't ever remember being scared of the teacher. I remember being scared of making that long walk of shame down to the principal's office, which was the first level of fear. And the second level and last level of fear is knowing the principal was gonna call my parents because I was gonna get my arse handed to me as soon as I got home.
- [12:15]
Melissa Carter
You know, I was intimidated to bring the report card home, make sure my parents were okay with it. You know, I just. And I still had A's and B's on it, but I still, like, there was a level of intimidation that obviously is not there anymore.
- [12:26]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Hey, Dr. Arielle, we got you on the voice disguiser again here. I hope that you choose to keep blogging for us. And coming on. I know that you're getting a little bit beat down by the criticism that you're getting and I hope this hasn't turned into something that's laborious for you now.
- [12:40]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Oh, no, I'm a tough cookie. But I would like to say that the gentleman that called in about the national study, that's very interesting because most of the teachers that I work with and know are not in the profession for the money and they know it's a lower paying profession when they go into it. But that is an interesting study and I'm glad that he shared that information. But definitely, I mean, I could be making six figures somewhere else, but I choose to stay because I truly love to teach. The mandates make it hard to enjoy it.
- [13:09]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Well, you guys should go and check out Ariel's blog. I mean, if you're a teacher, you'll either relate to it or it will create a firestorm. If you're a parent, I think. But she's being honest with you. She told you she was gonna be and she is.
- [13:20]
Melissa Carter
Well, if you're a parent that's offended by what she said, guess what? You're one of those parents.
- [13:25]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
And it's funny to watch the comments after on the message board after because the parents get into shouting matches much like their kids are in the chat rooms all day long, you know?
- [13:34]
Melissa Carter
Right.
- [13:35]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
All right, Arielle, thank you very much for your honesty. We appreciate it.
- [13:38]
Bert
The Burch Show.
- [13:43]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
All right. Fantasia Barrino, obviously everybody knows her from American Idol and won the thing hands down a couple of years ago over Atlanta's very own Diana DeGarmo. She's done really, really well for herself, like on the R and B charts. Yeah, Fantasia's. I mean, she's crushed it.
- [13:58]
Jen Hobby
Well, it only took her album maybe a month or two to go platin.
- [14:01]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
That's huge. And she has all these big time record producers on it now. She's got a new book coming out called Life is Not a Fairy Tale. Well, she called the show after we were off the air yesterday after 10 o' clock and we talked about a couple of different subjects. But the main part of the interview kind of surrounds a song that she came out with her first single that was released called Baby Mama and it wasn't a real hit on all the hits. Q100 so I want to play you guys just a little bit of it. So you've heard the song and you know where Jeff is coming from when he asks Fantasia about the song. So this is a Little bit of Fantasia song. Baby Ma.
- [14:43]
Fantasia Barrino
Ma this goes out to all my baby mama this goes out to all my baby mama B A B Y M I this goes out to all my baby mamas I got love for all my baby mama it's about time we had our own song. Don't know what took so long. Cause nowadays it's like a badge of honor to be a baby mama. I see you paying ya I see you working ya I see you going to school and girl, I know it's hard and even though you're fed up when making beds up? Girl, keep your head up on my B A B yeah. This goes out to all my baby mamas this goes out to all my.
- [15:36]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Baby mama so really, in essence, it's a song that kind of just honors single moms and the struggle that they go through every single day. And it was a big hit for her on the R and B charts. So this interview is about 12 minutes long, but a lot of it surrounds that song and the subject of that song. And Jeff kind of asks Fantasia about it.
- [15:59]
Bert
I have to do a clarification, too, kind of, because I thought of something after the interview that I had a conversation in my own. Somebody else.
- [16:10]
Melissa Carter
I talked about in your head.
- [16:11]
Bert
Yeah. I think there's a difference, too, between a baby mama and a single mom. I think there's two different things. And when I ask her about this, I'm referring to the baby mama she's singing about, which to me is the girl who gets pregnant at age 16 and has to buy a father who disappears before the baby even comes around.
- [16:31]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Does it say that in the song? Like, I mean, is that.
- [16:36]
Bert
I don't. I mean, I don't have the lyrics in front of me, so I don't know if that's what she's referring to, but I think there's a difference between I think you have a different image of a baby mama and a different than a single mom.
- [16:46]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
All right, here's our interview with Fantasia Barrino.
- [16:49]
Jen Hobby
I like it.
- [16:49]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
You don't even like the song.
- [16:51]
Bert
Are you kidding? Well, you like Pussycat Dolls, too?
- [16:53]
Fantasia Barrino
Yeah, I do.
- [16:54]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Yeah, I like the song. Also, here's the interview with Fantasia Barrino. Let me introduce you to everybody here. Fantasia, this is Jen Hobby right here.
- [17:02]
Jen Hobby
Hey, Fantasia.
- [17:03]
Fantasia Barrino
Hey, babe.
- [17:04]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
This is Jeff Dollar right here.
- [17:06]
Fantasia Barrino
Hey, Jeff.
- [17:07]
Bert
How are you?
- [17:08]
Fantasia Barrino
Chilling.
- [17:08]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Chilling.
- [17:09]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
And Melissa Carter.
- [17:10]
Melissa Carter
Hey, Fantasia.
- [17:11]
Fantasia Barrino
Hi, Mama.
- [17:12]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
And I'm Bert. Hey, Fantasia. I'm curious now that you're a little bit removed from American Idol. If you didn't win American Idol. Like, what would your day, like, be today?
- [17:21]
Fantasia Barrino
I'll still be trying. I will still be, you know, trying this thing, trying to go after it, trying to better myself.
- [17:28]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Like, at this point, I mean, if you were, what is it, a year removed now? We're a year.
- [17:34]
Fantasia Barrino
Two years now.
- [17:35]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Two years now. So if it didn't happen for you, like, would today be filled with auditions or what exactly would you have been doing?
- [17:44]
Fantasia Barrino
I was trying to better myself. Whatever was going on, like, at home, whatever challenge show was going on, just anything, you know, different church things I was singing at, I'll still be just singing, singing different places, trying to make a piece of change and trying to make it over, you know, trying to live, survive.
- [18:02]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Fantasia Perino joining the Birch show on all the hits. Q100 this morning.
- [18:05]
Melissa Carter
I just want to ask where that inner strength came from, because in the book, you talk about the pressures of having sex, young and abusive sex that occurred with you and the feeling of letting everybody down. I just wonder, what have you used to overcome all these things?
- [18:19]
Fantasia Barrino
You know, I always tell people, I found that weapon. The weapon has no name. I just found that courage and I found the drive that I needed in order to change the push. After I had Zion, you know, she got. She started to get older, and I started saying, you know, I can't be hanging out in the streets and I can't be doing some of the things that I've been doing and, you know, and let my child see it because she'll grow older and she'll start to feel that that's the way of life, that's the way it goes. That's how it's supposed to be. You know, I can't continue to. To, you know, not learn. And I dropped out of school and, you know, I just felt like I was wasting my life. And, you know, I was in a relationship with her father, and we fought all the time. All the time. And one day I looked at myself in the mirror. You know, I had a big black eye. I was swollen up, and my lips were swollen. You know, they're already big, so they were just. They were huge. And I looked in the mirror and I said to myself, this is not the way I'm supposed to live. This ain't Fantasia. I have dreams, I have visions, and I gotta go after him. And, you know, I started wanting to change. I always tell people, you can preach change to a person all day, but unless they want it, unless they want, you know, they want to change. If they don't want it, they're not gonna do it. And I was. I was at that place, too. You know, I didn't want it. People was telling me I couldn't be anything after I had Zion, after I dropped out of school. Oh, she's not gonna go nowhere but remind you, before all of this happened, I was like the town's sweetheart. Everybody wanted me to come sing, and everybody wanted me to be here and be there. But after I fell, they all gave up on me. You know, they all gave up on me. So I had to find it for myself. I had to want to change. I had to want to be somebody. I had to want to go somewhere. And once I picked up the key and I said, okay, now I got to drive. I got a little bit of push. All I got to do is keep going. And the more I go, the more I go, I'll get that energy again. I'll get that drive again. I'll keep getting it, and I haven't lost it ever since. I went out for the idol and I told my father, I said, dad, I'm going, and I ain't coming back. And believe it or not, I didn't go back.
- [20:19]
Bert
I don't want this. I don't want this question to come out the wrong way, but, you know, you tell the story of that struggle and looking in the mirror and seeing yourself with a black eye and stuff, and, you know, you were in a tough situation having a baby while you were young, and it obviously got very bad when I heard your song Baby Mama. Like, part of that was. That song, to me, almost glorified that lifestyle. Like, having a child young and, you know, and creating. Like, you essentially created your own struggle, and then you kind of glorified it in a song, and it just didn't sit right with me.
- [20:56]
Fantasia Barrino
You don't surprise me by saying that. Cause I've heard that from different people, you know, so don't get me wrong. Like, you're not surprising me by saying that. A lot of people have their own opinions about that. But that song was, for me, was to bust everybody in the head and say, you know what? Even though we have kids, we can still be somebody, regardless of the fact. Don't label me as a baby mama. My name is Fantasia. But at the same time, yes, I'm a mom. And you can hear people say, well, you know, how can she be somebody? She's a baby mama. How? She's got a kid. But because I proved them wrong and because I went after it, I said, you know what? I'm gonna send out a song, and I'm gonna do something different for all of those mothers who go through the struggle, who sacrifice. You know, they work two jobs and they're trying to go to school. You know, they're sacrificing of things for the kids. How come we don't ever get any recognition? The people, you know, why come we don't get recognition? Is it because we're baby mamas? You know, because we're single moms? Because we had kids out of wedlock? Because we're young? No, that doesn't mean nothing. Because they said I couldn't be nothing. Here I am today I am somebody I am somebody. So I'm gonna put out a song that says, you know what, mama? I know what you go through. Also, the song wasn't only for young mothers. It was for all those older mothers who's raised kids by themselves. The. The song for me was like an anthem to all those mothers. Even the mothers, Even the kids who were raised in the houses with their mother and father. Like me, I had my mom and my dad. But nine times, you know, your mom holds it down in the house. The first person you run to when you sick is who? Your mama. Your mom holds it down. So it's like I'm saying to all those mothers, you know what? I congratulate you. Even when you're sick and you're tired, you have to take care of those kids and you have to do things that you. You know, that you don't know how you're gonna do it. You don't. I remember nights when I used to sit in my apartment and I used to, you know, know watch Zion sleeping. And I would know early in the morning that was gonna be cut off. And I used to say, what do I do? I'm such a young. What do I do? Where do I go? But see, the problem is. And the reason for my book is I want people to know that even though we have kids and we make mistakes, you don't just give up on a person that easy. You can't just give up on somebody. You know what I'm saying? So that song wasn't for you. It was for those mothers. And the mothers, they understood me. They would come up and they'd say, you know what? I'm glad you did something different. I'm glad you put out something for us. It wasn't to glorify it and tell young ladies to go out and have kids. Because if you listen to the song, it taught how we receive checks and it ain't enough. How you know? It ain't fun, it ain't easy, and it ain't cute. The things we sacrifice, you know what I'm saying? So it's not to glorify it. You got to listen to the words. The first thing you hear, only thing you hear is the B A by this goes out to all my baby mamas. You don't listen to the verse. The verse is talking about how we struggle. But I'm telling all those mothers that, you know what? I know what you go through. I love you. Cause I've been through it.
- [23:30]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
You still sound obviously very passionate about that. Do you feel like that's an unfair question when people ask you that?
- [23:36]
Fantasia Barrino
I just feel like people, you know, that's how, you know, people don't pay attention. They don't listen. The first thing you looking for, you're looking for the negative. The only thing you're hearing is the. Is the chorus. And you're not listening to the verse. You're not listening to what I'm saying. And they say, why do you say we should have a badge of honor? Because we do. We go through so much. So I wanted to send a song out to all of those mothers, you know what I'm saying? I tell people I'm not the only mom in the industry. I was just a broke mama when I had my baby. So I know how it is to sacrifice. I know how it is to go through and wonder how you're gonna get the next pamper, how you're gonna. You know, I know how that is. And believe it or not, life is not a fairytale. There's a lot of women out there going through it. So regardless of what they say, it ain't for them. It's for those women.
- [24:17]
Bert
Well, I don't want you to say that. I didn't pay attention to the words, and I was being ignorant and just listening because, you know, the first time I heard it and I did go. I mean, you can go to Google now and pull up anything. And I have, like, the lyric. One of the lyrics that stood out to me, or actually the lyric that I really have a problem with is there's a line in there where you say that you're the backbone. And, like, I don't know. I just think that's a wrong message to send, especially to people who might end up in a similar situation as you were years ago. I mean, that's, you know, the backbone or the foundation, you know, I just don't think. I don't think you're sending the right message by saying that baby mamas can be, or, you know, single mothers can be the backbone of a community. Shouldn't the focus be on, you know, a traditional mom, dad, kids, family?
- [25:03]
Fantasia Barrino
We don't give just because, see, that's the problem. Like, we don't give up. A lot of those moms, they don't give up. Yes, we can. We can be. We can be. And like I say, it's not for the people who don't go through it. Do you have kids?
- [25:15]
Bert
No, I don't.
- [25:16]
Fantasia Barrino
You don't have kids. All right. So it's not for the people who don't go through it. The people you don't understand. Cause you're not in that situation. You never had to live that life. You never had to go through any of that. But there are some people who had to go through that. So I'm saying, you know, I'm not surprised that you said that. I caught that the whole time when my aunt was. People wanted to know, why did you do this? Why did you come out with baby mama? But it's not for you until you can go through some of those things and be in some of those people's shoes and situations. Then you can call me and talk about that. But until then, you don't know. You don't know what we go through. You don't know what we sacrifice. You don't know how hard it is. You don't know.
- [25:51]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Fantasia Barrino joining the Burt show this morning on all the hits. Q100. It's already come out. And I think you said this on 2020, that you are functionally illiterate. Correct.
- [26:00]
Fantasia Barrino
Which is another thing that's wrong.
- [26:02]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Okay.
- [26:03]
Fantasia Barrino
When you do the interviews, you do them and they take them and they ed them. And then we were rushed back to the hotel. Cause we was ready to see it. And when the interview came on, the first thing was said was one big secret you don't know about Fantasia Barrino. She can't read and she can't write, which is wrong.
- [26:18]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
All right, let's set the record straight right here.
- [26:19]
Fantasia Barrino
The basics. In elementary school, you learn how to read and write. Like I tell somebody, if you put a book in front of me right now, I can read you the familiar. Or back then, I could have read you the familiar. But if there was a word that wasn't familiar to me, my difficulty was my problem. And my fear was I couldn't pronounce or sound out that word. So that was a fear for Me, that was a problem for me. I didn't want to read out loud. I didn't want to, you know, I didn't want a person to know that because I was afraid in school. Like, well, would they laugh at me or would they help me? Nine times out of ten they would laugh. They would laugh. They wouldn't say, this is how you pronounce it, Fantasia. They would probably laugh, oh my gosh, she can't get pronounced a word. So that was a fear for me. And I ran for it, from it for a long time, which made me. My reading is dusty. I said I'm not a strong, I wasn't a strong reader. I wasn't a strong reader. So because I ran from it, I didn't pull my teacher to the side. I didn't ask for help, you know, because it was a problem for me. If I would have did that back then, if I just went to my teacher and said, Listen, Ms. Such and Such, I need for you to take out an hour or two after school every day and listen to me read and see what my problem is and see, you know, help me sound out these words. Show me what I need to do. Show me I need help, you know what I'm saying? But that goes back to, to the song. People take things and they misjudge it. A lot of people going through that right now, 30 year old, 40 year old women and men that can't read or that have problems with reading and they're afraid to come out with it because of somebody else's tongue, somebody else's mouth, afraid somebody else is going to put them down. What people need to know is you got to stop trying to put people down and learn how to pick your people up. You got to learn how to encourage people. But that was my first thing, like what is somebody going to say? But now that I'm at the point to where I am now, I started asking for help. I'm not afraid to say if I'm reading something or I can't pronounce. I'm not afraid to say, you know, do you pronounce this word this way? I might say it right, I might say it wrong, but I'm not afraid now because I've overcame so many of my fears. I've done so many things that people said I couldn't do. So it doesn't matter anymore.
- [28:15]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
So if somebody put an American Idol application in front of you, you could fill that out?
- [28:18]
Fantasia Barrino
I can now, but back then I probably couldn't actually. I didn't Even read it, I just would sign it. You know what I'm saying? And some of these applicants and some of these, you know, contracts and things, they have some of the biggest words on there. You be like, what if I never heard this word a day in my. What is this? It's like the contracts now are so difficult. They're so deep, you know, And I never did read it. I just would sign my name on it. And then, you know, my lawyer pulled me to the side one day. He says to me, you know, if I tell you I'm your lawyer, you can trust me. I love you, and I have your best interest. But you also need to start reading your own things because you could be signing your life away. You know what I'm saying? So it's like now, what you're reading right now, that's my path. Where I'm at now is my future. I'm blessed. It's all good for me right now. But I'm giving my story to let some other young person know. Even people that's not young, to let them know, no matter what they say, you can be whatever you want to be. Though they slay me yet will I trust him. And God has brought me to this point, though they said I couldn't do it and said, you know, she doesn't have a diploma, she's got a child. She ain't the best looking person in the world. You know, her image, da, da, da. It doesn't matter. I made it. And I can laugh in those people's faces and say, you know what? Regardless of the fact, whatever you said about me, I'm here now. I'm here now. I got a book out. They cracked on my lips. I got a Mac lipstick out. You know, it's like I overcame all. All of those fears. I came out with it at a young age. And I think people should say that. What's up? I'm only 21. And I poured it all out. I gave it all out just to help those people who going through it and to help those people who are down to people to say, don't just give up on somebody that quick. Don't do that. You kill people when you do that, and you make them feel like they can't be nobody. But yes, baby, I'm a living example. And I can tell you, you can be whatever you want.
- [30:04]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Fantasia Barino. The new book is called Life is Not a Fairy Tale.
- [30:09]
Jen Hobby
Okay, this sounds like an apropos question right now because I was reading that your grandmother and your mother Are both preachers now? Do you think that you may follow in their footsteps?
- [30:21]
Fantasia Barrino
It's so funny, because everybody's been asking me that.
- [30:24]
Melissa Carter
You got the voice for it.
- [30:25]
Fantasia Barrino
You know, my preaching is my singing. You know, that's how I. That's how I minister to people, and that's how I help people. You know, people say, are you in it for the. You know, you got money now, girl. What you gonna do? You got this. Now, I tell them it ain't about that. My ministry is when I sing. And the people that come up to me and say, you know what? Just because you sang that song, something in that song made me feel like I can. I can conquer it now. I can. I can do what, you know, that's my ministry.
- [30:47]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Well, if you ever get burned out on the whole singing thing, you know, there's a church just waiting for you right now.
- [30:54]
Fantasia Barrino
Y' all are a mess.
- [30:55]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Fantasia, Brina, the book comes out. Is it this week?
- [30:58]
Fantasia Barrino
It's out right now in stores. Get it and read it, and then you'll get. You'll see what you know. You'll see what I'm talking about.
- [31:07]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Life is not a fairy tale. And, Fantasia, I think if we have a conversation with you in another 10 years, I have a feeling you're gonna be the exact same person you are today.
- [31:15]
Fantasia Barrino
Yeah, just chilling, huh?
- [31:17]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Yeah, just chilling. All right, Fantasia.
- [31:20]
Fantasia Barrino
Bye, y'.
- [31:21]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
All. Good talking to you. Bye. Now, the Birch show, Because I read a survey yesterday that said 22% of women. Let me. Let me rephrase that. 22% of parents found out that their daughter was on the pill through another sibling. In other words, you're all sitting around the table, right, at dinner sometime, and you, at the age of whatever, 18, 17 or whatever, are having some kind of conversation. Maybe you tick off your little brother or something at the dinner table, and he just rats you out about being on the pill. Now, maybe he's 14. He knows what it's all about, but somehow, some way, he found out about it. So my question to you guys is, and I don't think we'll need to use the voice disguiser for this, but I want to know how your parents found out you guys were on the pill. The accidental ways. Like, you guys didn't have the talk. You didn't go to Planned Parenthood together, but you went on the pillow. And I want to hear about the bizarre ways that your parents found out that you were on the pill. Melissa, you want to go first? 404-741-1005 there for a while.
- [32:26]
Melissa Carter
I'm sure my parents wish that I would go on the pill, you know, but yeah, no, I've never been on the pill.
- [32:31]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
So now, Jen, I am just guessing here, I am guessing that there was a talk with your parents. There was an education.
- [32:37]
Jen Hobby
Not with my dad, no. Lord, no. Yeah. Daddies and daughters, that's a difficult conversation. But no, I remember I was already active and just using condoms and that sort of thing and was in this really, this conversation with my mom about something completely different. I was talking to her about fighting with my boyfriend. And she probably. Now looking back on this conversation, she probably knew I was active with him because I was so emotional about this fight that we had had. And I was telling her about it and she was probably prodding the right questions to get it out of me, but I never knew it at that point. And I just started crying, talking about this fight I was in with him and basically just blubbering, crying, you know, snot filled, like through my snot and tears, I blurted it out that I was having sex. And so immediately the next day, my mom had me a doctor's appointment with her gynecologist. And I was on the pill right the next day because my mom was just so concerned that I had been having premarital sex without ever going to the female doctor. Cause once you cross over, you're an adult woman, whether you're starting really young or not. Like your body is acting as an adult. So you have to have all those adult things. So I didn't plan on ever telling my mom. I didn't ever ask to go on the pill. But in just my blubbering emotional state, I just kind of blurted it out and my mom took action right away. But I don't think my dad. I don't think I've ever discussed the pill with my dad.
- [34:05]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
I wanna know the ways that your parents found out that you guys were on the pill, obviously, rather than you just telling them, good morning, Jessica, you're on all the hits. Q100.
- [34:12]
Fantasia Barrino
Yeah, it wasn't the pill. I didn't take the pill until I was a lot older. But my boyfriend at the time was good friends with my brothers.
- [34:22]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
And when we broke up, he was really mad.
- [34:24]
Fantasia Barrino
And so he told my brother where.
- [34:26]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
We hid our condoms.
- [34:28]
Fantasia Barrino
And they told my parents.
- [34:32]
Jen Hobby
So how did they tell you? Did you just walk in one day and your parents are holding condoms in their hand?
- [34:37]
Fantasia Barrino
Well, it was actually really weird because my parents didn't mention anything about it until a while later. Because they didn't believe my brothers. Like, they were just so under the.
- [34:48]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Impression that, you know, she would never do anything like that.
- [34:51]
Fantasia Barrino
And they didn't check up on it. But my mom later on was like.
- [34:55]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
I should have listened to your brothers.
- [34:56]
Fantasia Barrino
They tried to warn me.
- [34:57]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
It was horrible.
- [34:57]
Melissa Carter
How did your brothers treat him?
- [34:59]
Fantasia Barrino
They were like, best friends. He was like a member of the family. My parents still loved him. My brother still loved him. I was like the black sheep for.
- [35:07]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Getting rid of him.
- [35:07]
Melissa Carter
That's weird, because, yeah, I know my brother and sister were closer in age. And I know that anytime that a guy treated my sister wrong, that my brother was right there to step in. So I was surprised that her brothers ratted her out instead of protecting her.
- [35:19]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
You know, maybe the. The better question is, how did they find out you were using any kind of contraception at all? Because there's so many to choose from. Hey, Leslie.
- [35:28]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Hey.
- [35:29]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Hi.
- [35:30]
Fantasia Barrino
Yeah, my. My mom actually found out I was in the bathroom in my underwear, and.
- [35:36]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
I. I was using the patch, and.
- [35:38]
Fantasia Barrino
It was on my behind, clearly. Oh, no. She looked at it and said, what the hell is that? And I said, well, it's a bandage.
- [35:46]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
I lied. Oh, there's a bandage.
- [35:47]
Fantasia Barrino
She said, do I look stupid?
- [35:48]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
And she yelled at me for, like, an hour straight.
- [35:51]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Oh, really?
- [35:51]
Jen Hobby
You're like. You're like I cut my butt.
- [35:56]
Fantasia Barrino
I didn't know what to say, but I just really did not want to tell her what it was.
- [35:59]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
And how old were you at the time?
- [36:01]
Fantasia Barrino
I was 19.
- [36:02]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Okay.
- [36:02]
Melissa Carter
And what'd she say? You think I'm stupid?
- [36:04]
Fantasia Barrino
Yeah, she asked me that. I think she was stupid.
- [36:07]
Melissa Carter
Well, teenagers do think their parents are. They're not.
- [36:10]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
And, well, this goes both ways. Also, because your parents never want to believe that their little girl is having sex. There's no way. Not the way I raised her. It's a statement about me? No.
- [36:18]
Melissa Carter
Oh, it's called nature Filter in.
- [36:20]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
This happened to a friend of mine in high school. Her. Her and her mother got in a really heated argument. Her mother was convinced that she was smoking, and one night, they were arguing about it. The mother grabbed the girl's purse, turned it over, dumped everything out on the kitchen table. No cigarettes fell out, but her birth control pills fell out. That's how she find out.
- [36:38]
Jen Hobby
I wonder what would have been worse for that mom. Sex or smoking?
- [36:43]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
She. She said that they went for, like, two or three weeks without even talking. Her mom took the pills, walked out of the room. They haven't. They went for two or three weeks.
- [36:49]
Fantasia Barrino
Took her pills away.
- [36:52]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
They didn't talk to her about it. That's proper parenting right there.
- [36:57]
Melissa Carter
Yeah, I know it gotta be awkward. But parents, you gotta suck it up and be like Jen's mom and take control and be mature about it.
- [37:02]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Are parents that clueless that they think their 17 and 18 year olds aren't having sex? Oh, hell yeah, dude. I don't think that changes throughout the years. Man, you never want to believe your little girl's having sex. I don't know if it's clueless or maybe just denial. They don't want to believe it. Hey, Christy. You're on the Burt Show.
- [37:16]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Hi. When I was 15, I started taking birth control. But it's not because I was having sex. It was for other problems. And I went to the doctor on an unrelated thing and they were doing blood tests and asked me in front.
- [37:29]
Fantasia Barrino
Of my mom, are you taking the pill?
- [37:32]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
And then they're like, take the blood.
- [37:34]
Fantasia Barrino
Test about two hours.
- [37:36]
Jen Hobby
I'm sorry, your phone's breaking up.
- [37:38]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Good morning, Karen. You're on the Burt Show. Hello.
- [37:41]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Hi. I was doing something really silly. I used to write an S on my calendar every time I had sex with my boyfriend. So one day I came home and.
- [37:48]
Fantasia Barrino
My calendar was on my bed, and.
- [37:50]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
My mom was like, you know, are you having sex? And I tried to deny it, but, I mean, the S was pretty obvious.
- [37:57]
Fantasia Barrino
You're so sly with the sister.
- [37:59]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
But what's the most answers you have? What's the most S's you had on one day?
- [38:04]
Fantasia Barrino
Well, I didn't do it by a number of times, just so just the.
- [38:07]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Day S marked the spot.
- [38:09]
Melissa Carter
Now, were you on birth control at the time, or did she put you on birth control after that?
- [38:12]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
No, after that. She didn't go to the doctor.
- [38:14]
Melissa Carter
I mean, that's. She's not the only one that's done that. I've told the story before. When I was in junior high school, and I will repeat that, junior high school, I was sitting behind a girl in English class and she would put stars on the calendar. And when she opened up her planner, she had a star on the day that we were in class. And I said, what is that for? And she said, when my boyfriend and I had sex before we came into school this morning, and she had stars on the days that her and her boyfriend had sex.
- [38:36]
Jen Hobby
Used to do hearts.
- [38:37]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Oh, yeah. This turns out real well for the guy. Especially in that case and in the case I'm about to tell you about, because me and Debbie Pierce in high school, you know, we were in her house and her parents were gone, and, you know, we were having a great time. And then we ended up taking a shower together. And her mom came into the house at that time and followed the trail of clothes into the bathroom while we were literally, literally in the shower together. And I, like any brave 18 year old, run as fast as I can out of the house, and I don't call for, like, 24 hours. And I finally get Debbie back on, I'm like, are you okay? Is everything all right? She's like, yeah, she's making me go on the pill. And all I could think of is, yeah, this is a win. Win.
- [39:19]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Yeah.
- [39:19]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Like any brave 18 year old, you run back over to the house as fast as you can. And her mom was cool about it, especially from my angle, because she never told her dad. Never said a word about it.
- [39:28]
Melissa Carter
Yeah, because he would have killed me.
- [39:30]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
He would have killed me.
- [39:30]
Melissa Carter
Absolutely. There's so many secrets that moms keep from dads. Absolutely.
- [39:35]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
Maybe that's where we go with this next. Hey. Hey, Susan. Good morning. You're on the Burt Show.
- [39:39]
Dr. Arielle Jeff
Hey. Well, all right. So my dad is the big scary kind. Okay. And so I was borrowing my mom's car, and, you know, stuff happens in cars. And so we left the cotton wrapper in there, and it wasn't even. It was. Was just the wrapper. My dad's cleaning out my mom's car, and he's like, hey, what's this? I was like, well, and you kind of can't get around that one. So. Yeah, that's how they find out.
- [40:05]
Jen Hobby
At least your dad didn't accuse your mom.
- [40:08]
Host (possibly Jeff or Bert)
The bird show.