Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, November 11

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, November 11, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show brings listeners its signature brand of relatable morning energy—a blend of humor, pop culture, and authentic conversation. The main highlight is a candid interview with American Idol contestant Paris Bennett, exploring her journey, family roots, and unique approach to her musical career. The second major segment recaps a fun, embarrassing on-air challenge related to NASCAR trivia and co-host Melissa Carter’s forced stint at standup comedy. The show flows with laughter, playful teasing, and supportive energy, making for a lighthearted yet engaging listen.

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Main Segments and Key Discussion Points

1. Interview with Paris Bennett, American Idol Contestant

(01:16 – 12:23)

Introduction and Setting the Scene

• The hosts pivot from their regular programming to a surprise call with Paris Bennett, a rising star on American Idol.
• They marvel at her mature singing style and poise, joking that her voice is too powerful for her age.

Paris on Her Age and Singing Ability

• Mature Voice for a Teenager
  • "We were all convinced that Paris isn't 17 with a voice like that. She's 34 years old and they're gonna find her out." – Radio Host (02:02)
  • Paris confirms, "I am 17 years old." (02:10)
  • On her vocal maturity: "I don't know where that comes from, but it's just a gift from God." (02:18)
• Managing Stereotypes
  • "Everybody's like, she's Mickey Mouse. Or they'll say, she's too young... but you know what? It holds in a big gift. So I don't care." – Paris (03:01)

Life in Los Angeles & Family Support

• Paris is in Los Angeles with her mother, explaining minors on the show must have a guardian present (03:21-03:34).
• On adapting to LA: "The only thing about LA I have to say. They don't have a Waffle House... and they don't have sweet tea!" (03:44, 03:53)

Composure & Handling Nerves

• Host praises her calmness under national TV pressure: "You have been so composed on that show... Are you more nervous than you're letting on?" (04:19)
• Paris replies, relying on her faith: "I'm never nervous. I just put it in God's hands and let him do what it is that he does." (04:38)
• Key quote: “There’s no nervousness and there’s no time for worrying because you’re there now.” (04:39)

Musical Training and Inspirations

• Started singing at age 4 in her great-grandfather's church.
• Sang at the 1996 Olympics (05:18–05:38).
• Influenced and supported by her mother and grandmother, both singers themselves; she picks up vocal techniques from them and "make[s] them my own and change[s] them how I would do things" (05:38–06:28).

Addressing Comparisons to Fantasia (Former Idol Winner)

• Host asks if being compared to Fantasia is a burden.
• Paris embraces the comparison as a compliment, but asserts: “I have something so, so big that can’t be compared to another because it’s from me and it’s from my heart. And this is me every day, non stop." (06:47–07:23)

On Artistic Identity & Spiritual Influence

• Paris emphasizes her individuality and her reliance on faith: “If every chance I get to thank God in a dance, I’m going to do that dance.” (07:55)
• "I thank God each day for my gift and my anointing." (08:26)

Family Legacy in Music & Idol Journey

• Details her family's deep musical history: mother, grandmother, and great-aunt were in "Sounds of Blackness." (09:04)
• Host acknowledges it must help to have "influences...right in your household.” (09:16)
• Randy Jackson knows her grandmother, but she clarifies: “I waited in the line like everyone else...I went in that room by myself and I got judged by myself." (09:59–10:31)

Stardom and Predictions

• The hosts reassure Paris of her talent: “There is nobody that could listen to your performances over the last couple of weeks and say somehow, some way, she squeaked into the finals. I mean, you are head and shoulders above some of those people that are there." (10:44)
• Commentary on “odds makers in Vegas” favoring Paris as a finalist alongside other contestants (11:00–11:14).
• Light teasing about fellow contestant Taylor—joking about his age and comparing him to a chaperone or history teacher, with Paris defending his character as “very, very, very, very sweet... just down to earth.” (11:21–11:41)

Concluding the Interview

• Show ends the segment with encouragements: “Paris, good talking to you. Represent Georgia.” – Host (12:15)
• Paris thanks the hosts and listeners: “Thank you, guys.” (12:20)

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2. Recap and Playback: NASCAR Trivia Challenge and Stand-Up Comedy Punishment

(14:04 – 23:53)

Recap: The Challenge Setup

• The previous week, co-host Melissa Carter had to do four minutes of stand-up comedy as a punishment after her girlfriend Katie Jo scored poorly on a NASCAR trivia quiz.
• Melissa openly shares her dread: “I am not...there is no part of me that has ever even thought about being a standup comedian. And so four minutes was brutal.” (14:10)

Listeners Hear the Stand-Up Replay

• The hosts prepare to replay Melissa’s anxiety-inducing set; she jokes about wanting to “just run out of the room” to escape her punishment (15:05).
• They lightly roast her preparation and the agony of waiting for her segment.

Melissa Carter’s Stand-Up Highlights

• Opens with jokes about NASCAR and religious stereotypes:
  • “If you put a Scientologist in the race, how exactly would a religious NASCAR circuit look like?...the Scientology driver...think that positive thinking and vitamins is the only thing they need to make their car run."
  • “Baptist drivers think that everyone else races wrong except for them. Catholics feel guilty... Methodists have a minibar installed in their car...” (19:46–20:57)
  • "Mormon drivers...have more than one car on the track. The atheist drivers don't believe there are any other cars or even that the track exists." (21:05)
• Jokes about new motorcycle airbags "to protect a man's package," and the equivalent for women: “It’s called the helmet.” (21:18)
• Roasts a listener story about “Sorry Sarah” and her dating prospects.
• Finishes with a court case joke: "If his client don't fit, the jury must acquit." (22:47)
• “If you order more drinks, the jokes get funnier.” (23:14)
• Absurd story of a woman attacking a breeder with a dead Chihuahua: “...the attacker now could face assault charges. But since the dog was already dead, police can deport him for illegal immigration. Yeah, that’s a bad one, I know.” (23:32)

Hosts’ Reactions

• The show closes the bit with encouragement and gentle ribbing:
  • “I thought you were fantastic.” – Interviewer (23:58)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Paris Bennett’s composure:
  "I just put it in God's hands and let him do what it is that he does." – Paris Bennett (04:38)
• On her uniqueness:
  “I have something so, so big that can't be compared to another because it's from me and it's from my heart.” – Paris Bennett (07:07)
• Defending her Idol journey:
  “I waited in the line like everyone else...I went in that room by myself and I got judged by myself.” – Paris Bennett (09:59)
• Melissa Carter on stand-up nerves:
  “This is not that kind of nervousness. This is one of those that in the back of your mind, it's like when you're a kid, and you have to do a book report on a book you didn't read, which happened to me a lot.” – Melissa Carter (15:15)
• On making it through a punishment:
  “If you order more drinks, the jokes get funnier.” – Melissa Carter (23:14)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:16 – 12:23: Paris Bennett Interview (American Idol, music, family, faith)
• 14:04 – 15:15: Setup and Nervousness about the Stand-up Challenge
• 15:15 – 23:53: Stand-Up Comedy Playback, Jokes, and Show Reactions

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Tone and Style

The conversation is warm, humorous, and grounded in genuine camaraderie. The tone oscillates from supportive and uplifting during Paris Bennett's segment, to playful self-deprecation and comic relief during the NASCAR trivia and stand-up punishment. Listeners get both entertainment and an uplifting sense of connection with the personalities.

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Summary for New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential Bert Show blend: listeners are treated to an intimate and inspiring peek into a young pop singer’s meteoric rise, all told through her own words, with faith, humor, and humility as guiding themes. The second half of the show flips to the team’s creative antics, complete with self-roasting and real, awkward laughs as a co-host fumbles through live comedy in good-natured penance. For both longtime fans and new listeners, the episode showcases why The Bert Show keeps mornings real, relatable, and genuinely fun.

Transcript

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[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

This is the Vert show. All the hits Q100 and the vert show we were going to roll into a phone scam there, but then we got a surprise call from.

[Prolon Advertiser]

But you.

[Workday Go Advertiser]

Know that you can't fight the moonlight.

[Interviewer]

Deep in the dark.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Paris Venice.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

American Idol is going to give to your heart.

[Radio Co-host]

Paris, can you step forward?

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

You're through to the next round.

[Workday Go Advertiser]

Now.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

We were all convinced that Paris isn't 17 with a voice like that. She's 34 years old and they're gonna find her out. She's gonna get kicked off the show. Paris, can you confirm that?

[Paris Bennett]

I am 17 years old.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

We thought there can't be. You sound too good. You sound too mature.

[Paris Bennett]

I don't know where that comes from, but it's just a gift from God. But I am 17 now.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

Last time we were talking about American Idol, we talked about you and bragging about you. I said it, and I mean this as a compliment, but it's just funny to me. Like when you see a police academy and that one officer who has the very faint voice and the real sweet voice and you don't think there's any way she could be a police officer. And then when she'd get mad, she'd get all aggressive and she had this deep voice and that's like you, like you have such this depth to this voice and this boisterous voice. And then when you're done.

[Prolon Advertiser]

Thank you.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

And it's just so cute. So anyway.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Do people underestimate you before they hear you sing?

[Paris Bennett]

They do. Everybody's like, she's Mickey Mouse. And. Or they'll say, she's too young. And some. I have a lot of comments about my voice, but you know what it holds in a big gift. So I don't care.

[Interviewer]

Paris, who is out there with you? Are you out there by yourself in Los Angeles or you with family?

[Paris Bennett]

No, my mommy's with me.

[Interviewer]

She is. Now, do they require that if you're under 18?

[Paris Bennett]

They do.

[Interviewer]

They do. Okay.

[Paris Bennett]

You have to have a guardian. And so she's one with me.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

She looking over your shoulder pretty carefully, I bet. I mean, because you're not in Fayetteville anymore. I mean, LA is a big city.

[Paris Bennett]

It is. The only thing about LA I have to say. They don't have a Waffle House.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Sweet tea. Forget it.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

Yeah.

[Paris Bennett]

And they don't have sweet tea.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

I know.

[Paris Bennett]

Well, they have tea, but they give you the, like, sugar container thing on the side. And then they're like, here's your tea. And then you're like, you're not gonna mix it in. You have to ask those kind of questions. But I like la. It's nice. My aunt lives here too, so I have family here, too.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Paris, I gotta tell you, you have been so composed on that show. Like, I mean, so together. I mean, at my age, if I went on national TV in front of those judges, I would be intimidated and I'm sure I'd choke. But you somehow, someway, are able to keep it all together. Are you more nervous than you're letting on?

[Paris Bennett]

I'm not.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

You're not?

[Paris Bennett]

I'm never nervous. I just put it in God's hands and let him do what it is that he does. And that means there's no nervousness and there's no time for worrying because you're there now. And there's not a lot of people that can say that they've been in the top 24 or now the top 20. And, hey, you just gotta do your best and give it your all. Cause treat it like it's your last. And that's exactly what I do.

[Interviewer]

Paris, you had to do a lot of training to get to this point. Can you tell us about when you started singing and what kind of training you've had up until now?

[Paris Bennett]

I started singing when I was about 4, and that was in church. At my great grandfather's church in Rockford, Illinois. And then from there, I just started doing spurts of things. The 1996 Olympics, I sang there.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

I've heard of that.

[Paris Bennett]

And then as I got older, my voice began to change. Not my speaking voice, but my singing voice began to change. And I started to do. Started doing my own thing and doing my own demo for a little bit. And then I opened for Marion and some other great artists out here. And then, hey. And I got here and then I have my grandma and my mom that I listen to them sing and learn things from them and take different things from them and make them my own and change them how I would change them and how I would do things. And so that's where a lot of my singing comes from.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

We're talking to Paris Bennett, who is from Fayetteville representing Georgia really well on American idol. I'm curious, Paris, if you have had any thoughts of. Like, a lot of people are starting to compare your. Your singing voice and sound to Fantasia. And I'm wondering if you think that hurts you because America has kind of seen that Fantasia already.

[Paris Bennett]

You know what? I don't think it hurts me. I take that as a compliment. But I can say this for the record, I can say some good stuff. It's great that a lot of people say that like Fantasia. And I think because she is. She is a big. I am a big fan of hers rather. But really, I have something so, so big that can't be compared to another because it's from me and it's from my heart. And this is me every day, non stop, 24 hours a day. This is how I am and this is where my spirit is and this is my anointing and this is my gift. And however it may come off, that's America's opinion. You know, that's a choice of people's opinions. But Fantasia is a church person and so am I. So everything that happens in church, everybody, we all do the bounce and the church people all do the same thing because that's what we have grown to do. So when we're in church and we're shouting, that's something we do. When you see me do Gladys knight and I was skipping across the stage, I wasn't dancing, I was shouting because I was happy to be there. That was my time to shine. And if every chance I get to thank God in a dance, I'm going to do that dance so people can compare me to Fantasia. Hey, I take it that's a great compliment.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

You Sound to me like, I mean, you were gonna make it with or without American Idols.

[Paris Bennett]

You really believe that I'm going to make it? Because you know what? I have, I have favor. I have favor in God and he's with me this whole, this whole trip. And I can't ask for much more. I'm all of him and none of me. And I thank God each day for my gift and my anointing.

[Interviewer]

Paris, didn't they highlight that you have a famous aunt, a Grammy award winning aunt in your family?

[Paris Bennett]

Didn't they highlight that one more time?

[Interviewer]

Don't you have a famous singer in your family?

[Paris Bennett]

I do. My mom and my grandma and my great. And my great aunt.

[Interviewer]

Actually your great aunt.

[Paris Bennett]

I think that they were all in the group Sounds of Blackness.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

Okay.

[Prolon Advertiser]

Right.

[Paris Bennett]

And my grandma Ann is now a solo singer and my mother is coming out with an album as well.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

That sure helps when you have that kind of bloodline.

[Paris Bennett]

For sure it does, it does. Because you have influences right. In your household rather than looking for them on tv because there's a lot of young artists now that you can't really relate to any kind of like. And me, I like the, you know, I like the Gladys Knights and Aretha Franklins and the Tina Turner's and the only person that I've seen so far that's given me that is Fantasia. So I'm a big fan of hers now.

[Interviewer]

Didn't Randy Jackson know your great aunt?

[Paris Bennett]

He knows my grandmother.

[Interviewer]

He knows your grandmother.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Okay.

[Interviewer]

I saw that during the auditions how he sort of singled her out and came out and gave her a hug and was recognizing her.

[Paris Bennett]

So, yeah, they're all music buddies, so they have a relationship. But that has nothing to do with me. I don't. A lot of people were saying that, you know, it'd be two sided because she knew him and that it was favor because, you know, because he knew my grandma. But I just want the world to know that I waited in the line like everyone else. I went in that room by myself and I got judged by myself. I went to Hollywood week and got the same criticism as a lot of people. And now I'm in this show and I'm in here all by myself because Simon's not my grandma's favorite. You know what I mean? My grandma's not Simon's favorite, so.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Well, there is nobody that could listen to your performances over the last couple of weeks and say somehow, some way, she squeaked into the finals. I mean, you are head and shoulders above some of those people that Are there? So.

[Paris Bennett]

Thank you.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Nobody could say that.

[Interviewer]

Aren't the odds makers in Vegas already putting Paris into you?

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

I saw where. Yeah. The odds makers have you and Ace and I still can't remember the third person. Was it. Was it? But yeah. You're one of the top three.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

He couldn't be one of it.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

No, it was a female. It was a female.

[Radio Co-host]

Two females and a guy.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

Yeah.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Taylor's like the 75 year old dude that's.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

That.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

People think that, right? He's like. He's the guy with all the gray hair.

[Paris Bennett]

Taylor's cool.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Oh, he's 50.

[Paris Bennett]

No, he's not.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

He's the adult escorter on the school trip.

[Interviewer]

Honey, you look like an American Idol.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

He doesn't.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Yeah.

[Radio Co-host]

You look like an American Idol. He looks like your history teacher.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

He's like a Boy Scout chaperone, that guy.

[Workday Go Advertiser]

He's.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

He's not gonna last long, you know that.

[Paris Bennett]

Hey, but he does have great soul. And he has great personality, though. Like off cameras. Besides what you guys see, he's a very, very, very, very sweet person. And like, just down to earth.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

I'm sure he's got an old soul. I mean, that's.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

I'm sure he's a nice guy, but when he performs, I feel like there should be a paramedic somewhere really, really close by because it looks to me like dude's going into a seizure. No, dude, come on. Come on.

[Interviewer]

You mean the paddles in that blue gel?

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Paris, good talking to you. Represent Georgia. All right, I will.

[Interviewer]

We're rooting for you.

[Paris Bennett]

Thank you, guys.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Good luck.

[Paris Bennett]

Thank you.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Bye bye.

[Paris Bennett]

Bye, bye.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

This is the Birch Show.

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[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

Did I talk too much? Can't I just let it go?

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[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

But Friday, we lost Melissa Carter for, like, the first two and a half hours of this show.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

And rightfully so.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

Yeah, I mean, earlier last week, we had talked about how my girlfriend Katie Jo was a big NASCAR fan. So Bert says, you know what? How about we put her to the test and I give her 10 trivia questions and we see how well she does? So we did that on Thursday and found out that she didn't know as much about NASCAR she may have thought. And so she got two of the 10 questions correct. And the bet was that for every question she got wrong, I had to suffer the punishment. And it was 30 seconds of standup comedy, and so that had to be paid off on Friday morning. So I am not. There is no part of me that has ever even thought about being a standup comedian. And so four minutes was brutal. And like, what he said about, you know, being out of the show. We didn't do this till about 9 o' clock on Friday morning. So all morning long, I was nervous as I could be in my mind, wondering how I was gonna do this. And so. But we did do it on Friday.

[Radio Co-host]

Have you listened back to it since then?

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

No.

[Radio Co-host]

So this is gonna be your first time hearing it.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

I'll probably take the headphones off and.

[Radio Co-host]

Go find something to do.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

Just go find something to do for the next part.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

More four minutes of standup comedy from Melissa Carter. This was part of Friday's show.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

I'm nervous. Where, you know, the dry mouth. I was making tread water, like, almost shaking. Because anytime you go into something that you are, you know, you're not good at, you know, you don't enjoy it. Just it. It makes it that much worse. Like, it's not. There's this. There's that nervousness of, like, exhilaration where you're nervous and just can't wait to get out there and do it, you know, like pump shop. This is not that kind of nervousness. This is one of those that in the back of your mind, it's like when you're A kid, and you have to do a book report on a book you didn't read, which happened to me a lot. It's one of those nervousness where I'm sitting in the chair, you know, a little gassy, a little, you know, where my mouth is dry. And the chair, like if it was.

[Radio Co-host]

A writing assignment, you make the margins bigger.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

Exactly. And then, you know, having the last name Carter with a C, you know, the book report's gonna come sooner than later. And so this is how I feel now. It's like, I'd rather just run out of the room, get in the car. Cause I think I had the thought down the hall. If I just got in the car and drove away, what would happen? What's the worst thing happen?

[Radio Co-host]

Look, it is four pages, even though the text is three inches wide down the middle.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

This is what happened yesterday on the Burt Show. I asked her 10 questions.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

Yeah, my girlfriend, Katie Jo, who claims to be. Claims. I'm sorry. She is a big NASCAR fan. Oh, you said claims. Oh, that was a funny song.

[Radio Co-host]

Why don't you just call Judith Light Washed up?

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, honey. So she's a NASCAR fan. And so Bert's like, well, look, you know, we'll give her an Ask our trivia challenge and we give her 10 questions really easy. And for everyone, she gets wrong. Then Melissa has to do the punishment, which is 30 seconds of standup comedy.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Okay, the first question was in nascar, what is the definition of marbles? And you said it probably has something to do with a man. A driver's bravery. Great common sense. Not the accurate answer. That is excess rubber tire found at the edge of the racetrack. The longest race of the NASCAR season is which race? You said the Pepsi 600 at Lowe's Motor Speedway. It's the Coca Cola 600.

[Radio Co-host]

Oh, wrong soft drink.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Question number three. Was the car that comes in first in any NASCAR event receives 180 points. You said yes. That wasn't even the question yet. The last car in finishing order, receives how many points? You said 30. The answer is 34.

[Radio Co-host]

Oh, no.

[Prolon Advertiser]

Oh.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

After a race day wreck, this driver, Sterling Marlin, is notorious for executing this superstition. What is it? You said? He gets out of the car and he just runs around the track? No, he always throws away his shoes. He thinks they're bad luck, so he throws away his shoes.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

Let me just ask you what. Has she gotten any right yet? Okay, just check.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

The average amount of a primary sponsor paying in the NASCAR Cup Series is how much Money. You write off that. You said $10 million. You nailed it. $10 million. Question number six was a company can expect to spend how much money per hour from a primary driver, like a guy like Dale Jr. Or Jeff Gordon to do a personal appearance? You said it's got to be about $100,000. The right answer is about half of that. $50,000 to get those guys out there for an hour. In 1977, she was the first woman driver to qualify for the Daytona 500. You said. I know this. You read it last night. You said Janet Green. It was Janet Guthrie. What North Carolina city does Dale Jr. Currently reside in? That's your dude, right?

[Paris Bennett]

That's my guy.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

You said Charlotte. It's Mooresville, North Carolina. Oh, come on. The drive into this speedway is regarded as the worst traffic jam in the NASCAR world. What track is it? You said Talladega. The correct answer was Pocono. The last question was what current driver endorses Holliston 714 Cologne?

[Paris Bennett]

I got this wrong too.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

I think you said my boy. This is my boy, Dale Jr. Can I add another 30 seconds?

[Radio Co-host]

Oh, no.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

The correct answer was Jeff Gordon. All right, so when we added it all up yesterday, came to four minutes of stand up comedy for Melissa Carter.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

You gotta introduce me. Gotta get a. Do I have any clap? And then we'll start. When I start talking, I gotta get into the.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Should I thought to have some, like, introduction music.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

I did. Four hours of preparation and you can. Well, that'll help. That's all right.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Ladies and gentlemen, please turn off your.

[Radio Co-host]

Cell phones or set them to vibrate.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

One night and one night only.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

Thank God.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

The humorous styling of. What's the name of your hometown?

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

Columbia.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Columbia, Tennessee's Boy, are we blessed. Tonight, Columbia to be in the fridge.

[Radio Co-host]

The funniest city in the east.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Melissa Carter to the stage.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Thank you.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

Thank you. Thanks, Atlanta. You know, it's so great to. To be back here. And of course, one of the reasons I am here is because of the NASCAR trivia challenge that my girlfriend Katie Jo just did yesterday. Now, of course, NASCAR's been in the news recently because the Church of Scientology says they're going to attempt to spread its ignite your potential message into auto racing through their sponsorship of a race car in one of NASCAR's lowest levels. So if you put a Scientologist in the race, how exactly would a religious NASCAR circuit look like? Okay, well, number one, the Scientology driver. You can know that a driver's a Scientologist because they think that positive thinking and vitamins is the only thing they need to make their car run. Thank you. You're so sweet. Okay, now, Baptists, Baptist drivers, they think that everyone else races wrong except for them. Then if you have a Catholic driver, they feel guilty about the way they drive all the time. But the Methodist, however, a Methodist driver, well, they have a minibar installed in their car. Thank you. The best audience I've ever dealt with. Okay, now, we can't leave out the Episcopalians, Ms. Jen Hobby, because Episcopalian drivers. Well, the Episcopalians let women and gay people drive because there's a place at the track for everyone, according to Episcopalians. Now, Mormons, you can tell the Mormon drivers because they have more than one car on the track. And the atheist drivers, well, the atheist drivers don't believe there are any other cars or even that the track exists. And then, of course, we can't leave out the religious extremists from everywhere because they purposely run their cars into everyone else. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. Thank you, Atlanta. And don't forget to. To tip your waiters, okay? Also in the news, we go from cars to motorcycles because Yamaha motorcycles will soon add airbags to their machines. Engineers have created a prototype of a new motorcycle airbag that inflates specifically to protect a man's package. The bag is hidden under the seat. If you crash, it inflates to put a cushion between their jewels and the handlebars, thus protecting a man's most valuable asset. However, Yamaha already had invented a device that protects a woman's most valuable asset. It's called the helmet. Thank you. Thank you. All right, well, we talked to. Sorry, Sarah, you know, a few days ago. Of course, Sarah's the one who had an incident with her boyfriend over the weekend that we couldn't really talk about. And we assumed that that relationship is over. But then we realized Sarah's gonna have to date again. So what are the top three questions that Sorry Sarah's new boyfriend is gonna ask her upon their date? Number one, have you canceled your Cosmo subscription yet? Number two, how easily do Lee press on nails actually come off? And number three, Sorry. Sarah's new boyfriend will ask her, do you have plastic sheets? Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

I love the finger pointing and the head nod.

[Interviewer]

All right.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

And poor Ralph Santiago. This is a guy that's accused of stealing from a neighbor's house. Okay, so he's accused on that, but he has a lawyer now, and the lawyer said that one reason that there's no way Santiago could have burglarized his next door neighbor's home is that he's too heavy to have fit through the window. Santiago's attorney said.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Wait a minute.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

Santiago's attorney said that he is ready to prove that at 5 foot 11 and 275 pounds that Santiago could not have possibly made it through the 21 inch wide, 36 inch tall casement window is going to make Santiago climb through a replica window in front of the jury. And because if his client don't fit, the jury must acquit. All right, thank you so much.

[Prolon Advertiser]

All right.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

If you order more drinks, the jokes get funnier.

[Radio Co-host]

Okay, 30 long seconds.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

All right. A Missouri woman. We have to go to Missouri now. Where this woman is so angry that her new puppy had died that she pushed her way into a dog breeder's home and repeatedly hit the breeder in the head with the dead Chihuahua.

[Interviewer]

Okay.

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

This is a true story out of Missouri. And the attacker now could face assault charges. But since the dog was already dead, police can deport him for illegal immigration. Yeah, that's a bad one. I know. Okay.

[Interviewer]

Does he like the courtesy laugh?

[Prolon Advertiser]

That was good, right?

[Comedian / Radio Co-host]

And thank you, Atlanta, so much. I really appreciate it. Thank you to Katie Jo for getting the eight answers wrong with the two right. I still love you.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

Thank you, Atlanta. Done, Done, done.

[Interviewer]

I thought you were fantastic.

[Radio Host (Birch or Vert Show)]

This is the Bert show.

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