The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, November 19, 2025 [Vault]

Podcast: The Bert Show
Date: November 19, 2025
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast

Episode Overview

This episode is a classic “real talk” Bert Show morning, centered around relationships, dating lingo, and the sometimes vast generational gap between parents and teens on the topic of sex and romance. The hosts bring their trademark humor and frankness to defining modern dating terminology (“dating dictionary”), address if men and women can truly be platonic “best friends,” and dissect a surprising study about parents’ misunderstandings around teen sexual behavior.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining the Modern “Dating Dictionary”

[01:33–14:16]

• The Bert Show continues their tradition of crowd-sourcing and defining confusing dating terms, aiming for a shared understanding among listeners.
• They note how dating language varies by region and personal experience, which leads to confusion among singles.

Terms Previously Defined:

• Hooking up: Now officially means just “making out” (not sex) among this group, as decided by listener consensus.
• Seeing each other / Dating: Both mean “pre-exclusive” romantic engagement.
• In a relationship: Officially exclusive.
• Bases:
  • 1st Base: Kissing/making out
  • 2nd Base: Anything above the waist
  • 3rd Base: Anything below the waist
  • Home Run: Sex
• On a break: Trial separation, can see other people but “no sex”—just “making out” allowed.

Quote:

“When we started our Bert Show Dating Dictionary, ‘hooking up’ was the first term, and that is defined now—finally—as just making out.” – Co-Host (Female) [01:56]

• The team decides today to tackle the ambiguities around “best guy friend.”

2. What Is a “Best Guy Friend”?

[03:29–14:16]

• The hosts and listeners grapple with whether men and women can be truly platonic best friends, especially if there is a history.

Perspectives Shared:

• Many women’s “best guy friends” may be ex-boyfriends or romantic backups.

  • Listener Jessica calls in:

    “My best guy friend is a guy that I previously dated and had sex with who is my backup in case I ever break up with my current boyfriend.” – Jessica [05:22]

  • She notes her boyfriend knows she has a best guy friend, but “doesn’t know the history.” [05:59]

• Other listeners argue a best guy friend can be someone who isn’t attractive enough to date and is purely platonic, though marriages often end such friendships:

  • “It’s hard to have a husband and hang out with your guy friends because that kind of looks bad to your husband.” – Caller Elizabeth [08:53]

• The show’s general takeaway: Most “best guy friend” relationships, especially in adulthood, involve past romantic or sexual history.

  • “If you have a best guy friend, you try to do something more, but when you do, you realize that he’s more like a brother to you than he really is like gonna be a boyfriend.” – Bert [09:57]
  • “If you’re calling him your best guy friend, then he wants to have sex with you.” – Co-Host (Male) [11:32]

Notable Back-and-Forth:

• The team notes that women often retain these friendships after romance fizzles, while most men would not want their girlfriend to have a “best guy friend.”
• The segment closes with the need for a new term to define truly platonic friendships between men and women.

3. Huge Disconnect: Teens’ Romantic/Sexual Lives vs. Parental Perceptions

[17:01–36:00]

• The hosts dissect a new survey revealing vast gaps between what teens report doing and what parents believe.

Survey Highlights & Segment Timestamps:

• Kissing: 96% of teens say yes; parents estimate only 74%. [18:12–19:27]

• Dating: 93% of teens; 68% of parents believe so. [20:26]

• French Kissing: 84% of teens; 43% of parents. [20:43–20:53]

• Many hosts recall their own early experiences. “How old were you when you first French kissed?” “13 or 14.” [21:10]

• Hickeys: 73% of teens; 28% of parents. [22:09]

  • Bert confesses his first hickey was self-inflicted with a snakebite plunger, just to impress classmates. [23:00]

• Buying Contraceptives: 34% of teens say yes; only 7% of parents think so. [24:29–24:48]

  • Caller Nika (mom) is open with her kids and buys condoms for them.
  • “I know what size they need. I’m very strict: It’s like American Express card, don’t go home without it.” – Nika (Mom) [24:29]

• I Love You: 68% of teens say they’ve told someone; 32% of parents believe so. [26:07]

  • Hosts joke about how “forever” love as a teen means “about three weeks.” [26:19]

• Watching X-rated Movies: 65% of teens; 25% of parents admit possibility. [26:52]

• Receiving Oral Sex: 61% of teens; parents estimate 10%. [29:19]

• Performing Oral Sex: 51% of teens; parents say 1%. [30:03]

  • Hosts find these numbers “shocking” and note the generational shift in how such acts are perceived.

• Caller Dawn: Explains how she tricked her daughter into revealing sexual activity in order to get the right birth control, only to later be devastated (as was her husband) when nude photos were discovered at school. [30:20–31:59]

• Caller Kelly, age 13: Talks about peer pressure at middle school and how her acquaintance felt so shamed after a sexual incident that she dropped out for months. [32:42–34:13]

4. The Awkward Realities & Parental Naiveté

• Both hosts and listeners agree open communication is key—but uncomfortable.

  • “That’s a tough decision to make as a parent, but I think I’d rather go through the uncomfortableness of knowing the size of my son’s condom than the uncomfortableness of him coming home and telling me he got a girl pregnant, that’s for sure.” – Bert [25:51]
  • “Look back at what you did [as a teen]. Parents shouldn’t be so naive.” – Co-Host (Female) [35:35]

• The group agrees that fear of getting in trouble often keeps teens from being honest with parents, which can lead to real-life trouble: STDs, pregnancy, shame, etc.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Listener Jessica on “best guy friend”:

  “My best guy friend is a guy that I previously dated and had sex with who is my backup in case I ever break up with my current boyfriend.” [05:22]

• Nika (mom) on safe sex openness:

  “I know what size they need. I’m very strict: It’s like American Express card, don’t go home without it.” [24:29]

• On discovering your own teen’s sex photos:

  “I can’t think of a worse nightmare as a parent.” – Bert [31:43]

• On the reality of “best guy friends”:

  “If you’re calling him your best guy friend, then he wants to have sex with you.” – Co-Host (Male) [11:32]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:33–14:16] — Dating Dictionary: Defining “best guy friend”
• [17:01–36:00] — Shocking Parent/Teen Sex & Dating Survey
• [24:29–25:51] — Open Parent-Teen Communication About Safe Sex
• [30:20–31:59] — Parent discovers explicit images of own teen at school
• [32:42–34:13] — Teen caller on peer pressure and fallout from early sexual activity

Final Takeaways

• Modern dating language is confusing, even for adults—especially on things like “hooking up” and “best guy friend.”
• Many “best guy friends” are either exes or standby romantic partners, which complicates trusting these friendships in serious relationships.
• Huge perception gap between what teens do and what parents believe concerning romance and sexual behaviors.
• The show advocates for uncomfortably honest parent-teen conversations about sex, as ignorance is no longer a viable option in modern life.

For more candid insight, laughs, and honest talk about relationships and family life, tune in to The Bert Show daily.