The Bert Show: Full Show PT 2 – Monday, December 15 [Vault]

Date: December 15, 2025
Featuring: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the Bert Show Cast

Episode Overview

This episode finds the Bert Show crew in classic form—delivering real talk, relatable drama, and laughs that make your morning bearable. The team dives deep into passionate (and sometimes tumultuous) relationships, extended silent treatments among couples and families, and the thorny subject of disciplining other people’s children. Lively listener calls offer candid, sometimes hilarious, sometimes heartfelt stories, making for a show that’s both entertaining and thought-provoking.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tumultuous Relationships and “Living for the Drama”

• The crew discusses couples who seem to thrive on high highs and low lows, using “Crash” and “Lady Crash” as an example.

  • [01:05–04:15] Crash shares about his on-off relationship, frequent breakups, and how his friends struggled to keep up.
  • Bert admits, “When it’s high, it’s high. When it’s low, it’s horrible.”

• The concept of "passionate couples" versus “middle of the road” relationships is considered, placing value on emotional intensity—even if it comes with turmoil.

  • D reflects: “Some couples are just, you know, middle of the road the whole way and never really have arguments; passionate couples… when they're angry with each other, it’s very passionate.” [01:31]

2. Silent Treatments: How Long Can You Avoid Someone You Live With?

• Prompted by Crash and Lady Crash’s standoff, the hosts and listeners share stories about the longest periods spent not speaking to someone under the same roof.

  • Crash admits to more than 82 hours of silence with his wife: “Almost four days living in the same house, not speaking to each other.” [05:51]
  • [07:11–14:00] Listeners call in with stories:
    • Sydney: 14 days not speaking to husband, 8 months not speaking to her father.
    • Shay: 3 months of only communicating with her roommate via notes.
    • Nicole: 3 years without speaking to stepmom.
    • Ava: 3 years of silence with her brother over a boyfriend dispute.
  • Bert on his parenting style: “If there’s a fight, we have to argue about it and go away feeling semi-okay within 20 minutes.” [05:55]

• The awkwardness and pain of family estrangement are highlighted with a blend of humor (“That step-parent thing, it’s always the evil stepmom’s fault!” [12:05]) and empathy.

• On parental responsibility after a fallout:

  • D: “Somebody just needs to do something instead of having pride.” [11:06]

3. Hilarious Childhood Misunderstandings & Misused Words

• A lighter segment reveals embarrassing things people believed as children because of what parents told them.

  • Examples:
    • Bert’s wife thought deer used road signs to know where to cross. [18:47]
    • Jessica called sprinklers “chooka chookas” because of their noise. [19:29]
    • Misunderstood phrases: “spitting image” (actually “spit and image”), “wheelbarrow” vs. “wheelbarrel,” “valedictorian” vs. “valid Victorian.” [20:25], [21:56]

• Listener Andrea: “I always thought there were only 50 stars in the sky because that’s how many are on the flag.” [21:32]

4. Should You Spank Someone Else’s Child? – The Discipline Debate

• Lisa, a listener, explains she spanked her niece (after various warnings) when left in her care—setting off a major family conflict.

  • Lisa: “...she was just a terror this whole day… so I spanked my niece, and her behavior completely changed…” [23:09]
  • She stresses her son was present and usually receives spankings for similar behavior.
  • The mother (Lisa's sister) discovers this and becomes furious—leading to a communication breakdown.

• The Bert Show team and callers unpack the ethics:

  • Bert: “If it was my kid, nobody lays a hand on my kid except me. That’s just how I would feel about it.” [27:17]
  • David (Caller): “Spanking a kid is acting out in anger by the parent… if you can’t come up with another way to discipline, then you’ve got some problems of your own.” [27:35]

• The debate highlights viewpoints on trust, family boundaries, and generational perspectives on discipline.

  • Kristin: “If I have enough confidence to leave them with family, then there’s not two sets of rules.” [34:47]
  • Bert distinguishes between family and outsiders but stands firm: “My own, I will discipline… but nobody else puts a hand on his ass.” [31:16]

• The slippery slope is discussed:

  • Would you let a teacher or a nanny spank your child?
  • D: “I don’t see a problem with a teacher spanking a kid.”
  • Bert: “I will not give somebody else that right… You don’t know what you’re getting with a teacher.” [33:57]

5. Offbeat Interludes & Memorable Moments

• Bert and the team riff on random topics, like calling a team “cuddle-up” instead of a “huddle,” and imaginary technological fixes for parenting (e.g., remote shock collar for a misbehaving child) [16:11–36:33]
• Bert signals he is saving these tapes for “child protective services” as a tongue-in-cheek retort to some of Jeff’s extreme hypotheticals. [36:53]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Crash, on relationship drama:
  “Part of the passion is the drama. And you do have to kind of stir the pot every now and then… You get two very emotional people together. When it’s high, it’s high, when it’s low, it’s horrible.” [01:50]

• Bert, on silent treatments:
  “I mean, literally in the movie was on the other day… I’m going to be hanging on a chandelier.” [06:35]

• Sydney (Listener):
  “I have my husband that I went exactly 14 days without speaking to. And my dad, eight months under the same roof.” [07:16]

• Shay (Listener):
  “Me and my roommate… went three months without talking. The only way we were communicative was actually by note.” [09:09]

• Bert, on parenting:
  “Nobody lays a hand on my kid except me. That’s just how I would feel about it.” [27:17]

• Lisa (Listener), on spanking:
  “She was just a terror this whole day… so I spanked my niece, and her behavior completely changed…” [23:09]

• David (Caller), on alternatives to spanking:
  “You shouldn’t be putting your hands on her… If you can’t come up with another way to discipline a child, then you got some problems of your own.” [27:35]

• Cultural misunderstandings:
  “Deer look for the sign and then they cross... she was like 21 years old and said, ‘We gotta slow down, because the deer look for the sign.’” [18:47]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Passionate Relationships & Drama: [01:05–06:43]
• Longest Silent Treatments (Listener Calls): [06:45–15:00]
• Funny Misconceptions & Phrases: [16:12–22:55]
• Discipline Dilemmas (Spanking Other’s Kids): [22:59–37:13]

Tone & Style Recap

As always, The Bert Show keeps it real, blending candid personal stories, sharp humor, listener engagement, and open debate. While the topics sometimes tread into controversial territory or evoke strong opinions, the banter remains playful yet honest—inviting listeners to reflect, laugh, and weigh in themselves.

For a complete episode or to weigh in on tomorrow’s topic, visit thebertshow.com or call 1-855-BertShow.