The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Monday, December 8, 2025

Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Featuring: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and The Bert Show Cast
Episode Date: December 8, 2025

Episode Overview

The main theme of this episode revolves around two entertaining segments:

• “Old People Eccentricities” – Hilarious and occasionally touching stories from the hosts and listeners about the odd, thrifty, and sometimes inexplicable habits of older generations.
• “Closure on a First Date” – In typical Bert Show fashion, a listener seeks closure on why a promising first date fizzled, leading to a funny and memorable on-air call with her date for complete (and brutal) honesty.

The episode is packed with anecdotes, lively group banter, audience call-ins, and lots of laughter, tackling universal topics of family quirks and the sometimes embarrassing realities of dating.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Old People’s “Weird” Habits: Thriftiness, Eccentricities, and Routine

(Starts at 02:00)

• Bert kicks off with a story about his wife Jessica's mom and her obsession with conserving hot water. The conversation evolves into a roundtable of quirky habits from the older generation, especially those influenced by the Great Depression.

• Notable Highlights:

  • Jessica’s mom only turns on the hot water heater 20 minutes before a shower (“…she doesn't like to waste electricity…” – 02:15).
  • Jessica explains their house is historic and the hot water system can't stay on.
  • Bert and others reinforce the idea that many “weird” behaviors—saving, minimalism, waking up early, etc.—stem from lived experience in harder times.
  • Kristin reminisces about her relatives’ strict rules about finishing all food (“Are you going to finish that piece of Spam?” – 04:30) and not wasting anything.
  • Callers contribute stories about their grandparents' routines: turning the car off at every red light to save gas, mapping the same town tour every single visit, stealthily taking baby food jars to buffets for food smuggling, and more.
  • “Everybody turns into Rain Man at the age of 65.” (Lisa – 10:26)

• Listener Calls:

  • Julie (05:13): Shares how her landlord, despite only being 40, turns off the heat and lights for thrift.
  • Elizabeth (06:01): Tells of her grandmother always shutting the car off at red lights to save gas—the family would be mortified!
  • Vicki (09:53): Her Depression-era grandmother would dig yogurt cups out of the trash to reuse, among hoarding rubber bands, nail clippers, jars, and even clothed from childhood.
  • Lisa (11:29): Shares the unplug-everything ritual before storms and paranoia about using the phone during thunder due to shocking fears.

• Funny and Memorable Quotes:

  • “That’s just depression right there.” – Bert, regarding the baby food jar theft (09:17)
  • “When did coffee cans become the universal holding device for everything in your grandparent's house?” – Bert (12:24)

• Recurring Behaviors Noted:

  • Saving money in random places because of distrust in banks.
  • Saving bits of soap, bacon grease, or even broken puppets—for nostalgia or imagined “future use.”
  • Pop Culture Callbacks: “You get down to the end of the bar of soap… they would save them all and put them together to form, like, one.” (11:07)

2. On-Air Second Date Update: Monica & Mark

(Segment starts at 16:32)

• Monica’s Story:

  • Monica describes a promising first date set up by a mutual friend. Dinner, a comedy club, and a night at her place (he stayed on the couch, plenty of innocent kissing, and a chivalrous vibe).
  • She made breakfast in the morning and, after a sweet “I’ll call you,” marvels at why Mark never followed up.
  • Monica reaches out because she genuinely wants closure, not just speculation from friends.

• Prediction Roundtable:

  • The team speculates before the call:
    • “I think he’s got another girlfriend.” – Jeff (21:28)
    • “I think he’s married. And gay.” – Jen (21:30)
    • Bert suggests perhaps Monica’s cooking was so bad it scared him off.

On-Air Confrontation: “The Bathroom Situation”

(Call with Mark begins at 23:39)

• Mark’s Perspective:

  • After initial awkwardness, Mark reveals the real reason:
    • “She picked up her copy of Glamour that was on the coffee table and… she walked into the bathroom and didn’t emerge for about 15 minutes.” (Mark – 27:10)
    • He’s put off by a woman reading in the bathroom on a first date: “Call me old fashioned, but I’m right there. That’s just nasty.” (Mark – 27:24)
    • Mark admits the “magazine in the bathroom” made it too real, too soon, shattering a kind of romantic mystery, and that’s why he ghosted her.

• Show Member & Listener Reactions:

  • “If you gotta go, you gotta go.” – Jen (28:55)
  • Debate on double standards: is it really okay for guys, but not gals?
  • “If it was all like, you know, if she had to go…the debate was either go now and get it out of your system or risk getting a hug and then sharding.” – Jeff (31:53)
  • “Women shouldn’t be reading in the bathroom. That’s just being stupid.” – Bert (32:53)
  • A caller, Lynn, offers: “I sit on the toilet and take a dump, and my boyfriend sits right in front of me and plays his guitar.” (Lynn – 33:01)
    Cue raucous laughter and disgust among the hosts.

Episode Wrap-Up:

• Monica is clearly embarrassed but thankful for closure.
• The team concludes—with a lot of teasing—that some boundaries might be better left unbroken on a first date, but also that bodily functions are universal (and fodder for endless jokes).

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• “Doesn't it take like as much energy to heat it up every single time you're gonna take a shower as it does just to leave it on?” – Bert, on Jessica’s mom’s hot water heater habit (02:32)
• “My grandmother thought she was saving gas by turning the car off when the light turned red.” – Elizabeth (06:25)
• “She had a bag… she would take to Shoney's or whatever buffet… take out the empty baby food jars and fill them up… that's from living in the Depression.” – Bert (09:15)
• “She was the smartest woman I knew… she was thrifty… but she saved everything.” – Vicki (10:37)
• “You use it [bacon grease] for cooking? Oh, it’s great for seasoning and flavoring other foods.” – Jen (12:50)
• “A woman in the restroom needs to be like Chili’s. Get in, get out, get on with your life.” – Mark (28:11)
• “My boyfriend sits right in front of me and plays his guitar. And it’s nothing.” – Lynn, caller (33:02)
• “Women shouldn’t be reading in the bathroom. Shut up. That is a dad thing to do.” – Bert, playfully (32:53)

Memorable & Funny Moments

• Listeners sharing “Depression Era” saving stories:
  • Hiding money all over the house (09:56), saving Country Crock tubs for green beans (10:56), and keeping hundreds of Ziploc bags of frozen beans (11:00).
• Bathroom Boundary Debate:
  • The detailed discourse over whether going #2 on a first date (with a magazine!) is a forgivable offense, with the men vs. women split offering hilarious commentary.
• Guitar in the Bathroom:
  • Lynn’s call-in (33:01) shocks the cast, hilariously pushing the envelope of TMI and resulting in collective radio “ick.”

Key Timestamps

• 02:00 – Launch of “Old People’s Eccentricities” discussion
• 05:13 – 13:45 – Listener call-ins with memorable elders’ stories
• 16:32 – Start of Monica’s first-date “closure” story
• 23:39 – Live call with Monica’s date, Mark
• 27:10 – Mark reveals the “bathroom magazine” deal-breaker
• 33:01 – “Guitar in the bathroom” call from Lynn
• 34:22 – Show transitions onward

Language & Tone

The tone is lively, irreverent, and real, full of authentic banter, (sometimes crude) honesty, and relatably awkward humor. Moments of tenderness shine through the absurdity—especially when discussing grandparent wisdom or offering Monica closure.

In Summary

This episode of The Bert Show is classic “real talk” morning radio:

• It blends side-splitting generational comedy, real-life quirks, and the never-dull reality of dating.
• The hosts and listeners provide heart, humor, and a sense of community—even when things get awkward.
• Most of all, it’s for anyone who’s ever been mortified by a family member or stumped by someone they dated—delivered with warmth, wit, and a hefty dash of “too much information.”