The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Monday, January 5 [Vault]

Airdate: January 5, 2026
Main Theme:
This episode of The Bert Show, part of its signature blend of humor and authenticity, dives into personal stories, relationship drama, and listener call-ins that explore tough topics: the strain of serious couple fights, the boundaries of parenting while dating after separation, and the complexities of passionate relationships. With a rotating cast including Crash, Bert, Jeff, Melissa, Phil Turan, and callers, the show oscillates between laughter, serious debate, and emotional confessions.

1. Marital Drama and the "Ghost Sighting" (Crash’s Story)

Segment Start: 01:36

Key Points:

• Crash recounts chronic relationship troubles with “Lady Crash”: intense arguments, frequent “trouble patches,” and a near-divorce.
• The story crescendos with a chilling personal experience—a sleepless, emotional week leading to what Crash believes might be a supernatural visitation in his home.

Discussion Highlights:

• Relationship Turmoil:

  • “Annually Lady Crash and I have troubles probably a good six times a year... All stemmed from that weekend... we were almost on the verge of just seriously walking out of each other’s lives.” – Crash (01:44)
  • The intensity and frequency of their conflicts leave both Crash and his wife on edge, barely sleeping and quick to think of separation.

• Supernatural Encounter:

  • Crash describes an extremely vivid episode where he sees a figure he believes is his wife outside his bedroom—only to find her actually asleep in another room.
  • “I was as close to I am right now to Melissa, which for you listening, is no more than two feet. I saw something, felt something, enough to make me frightened, enough to go into my closet and load this gun, which I have never touched since.” – Crash (06:40)
  • The team debates possible explanations: extreme sleep deprivation, emotional stress, genuine paranormal event, or connection with his recently deceased nephew.

• Psychological Impact:

  • The episode left Crash deeply disturbed; he underscores that he's never used the gun again and remains affected by the experience.
  • “I can't tell this story without getting chills.” – Crash (10:51)

Memorable Quotes & Moments:

• “Is it possible that you were so delirious from not getting enough sleep that there was nothing in the house at all?” – Host (07:22)
• “I'm more crunchy than y’all; I believe in this stuff. But you saw what you saw.” – Host (08:32)
• Callers contribute interpretations: possible message from the afterlife, unresolved grief, or “the soul of Lady Crash reaching out.” (09:16+)

2. Parenting & Dating: Listener Call “Sandy” Sparks Heated Debate

Segment Start: 13:41

Key Points:

• Sandy, a 34-year-old separated mother of two, faces backlash from the hosts and callers over her dating choices—regularly bringing different men to her home, sometimes overnight while her children are present.

Discussion Highlights:

• Sandy’s Justification:

  • Feels entitled to an active dating (and sex) life post-separation; claims discretion about intimacy in front of her kids (ages 5 and 7).
  • “I’m sure [my husband] is getting his needs satisfied, too... I don’t see the big deal with having somebody over a few times a week and have a few drinks and talk... and obviously, you know, we get it on. I’m human, I have needs, for crying out loud.” – Sandy (13:54)

• Hosts’ and Callers’ Objections:

  • Primary concern isn’t about her sex life, but rather the exposure of young children to a series of men and what values or sense of stability this models.
  • “If you’re parading a different guy out of your bedroom every other week and your kids know that Mommy is sleeping with a different guy every couple of weeks...you're scarring your kids.” – Host (18:24)
  • Fears expressed around childhood confusion, security, and even potential safety risks ("how do you know these men won’t harm your children?") – Caller Sharice (20:32).

• Gender and Double Standards:

  • Sandy accuses the hosts of chauvinism, but the team asserts they’d react the same if the roles were reversed.
  • “If your husband was on the phone and he was doing the exact same thing, I’d say the same thing to him. So I don't know how that makes me a male chauvinist pig.” – Host (16:53)

• Role Modeling and Responsibility:

  • Bert: “As a parent, you’re a role model...it’s your responsibility...don’t drag your kids into your own drama. You’re a mom now.” (25:01)

• Practical Suggestions:

  • Suggestions for Sandy include arranging for kids to stay elsewhere when dating, being more discreet, and prioritizing children’s well-being.

Memorable Quotes & Moments:

• “If you think you are not doing permanent damage to your children, you are so in denial. And you’re acting so selfishly.” – Caller Laura (22:27)
• “There’s no argument here. You are flat out wrong, and your husband is right. You are absolutely wrong.” – Host (24:09)
• “Give your kids to your husband.” – Melissa (25:28)

3. Relationship Arguments: Phil & Mary Kay’s Fiery Romance

Segment Start: 28:42

Key Points:

• Phil Turan’s relationship with Mary Kay is scrutinized; their frequent, sometimes vicious arguments become a springboard for a debate about whether fighting early in a relationship is normal or a red flag.

Discussion Highlights:

• Fighting as a Sign of Passion or Doom?

  • Melissa: "In the early stages…you’re passionate…so your fights are over the top. I think you’re going to marry her." (31:05)
  • Host disagrees: “If you're fighting like cats and dogs in the first four months…big time red flag that this thing is not gonna work.” (31:42)

• Phil’s Perspective:

  • Downplays the intensity (“Not as bad as we make it out to be...We’ll start drinking and then argue about stupid things.” – 30:01).
  • Explains that he prefers relationships over being single/not interested in “playing the radio card” for casual dating – (32:42).

• “Reenactment Therapy”:

  • Phil tries to resolve relationship doubts by reenacting an argument with a woman in a bar who resembles Mary Kay (hilarious and awkward role-play ensues).
  • “I want to explain my side...and take it from your point of view…here’s what happened…‘Seriously, what the is your problem?’” – Phil (39:14)
  • The over-the-top cursing provokes laughter and mockery from the team, but Phil insists he never speaks to Mary Kay that way in real life.

• Listener Feedback and the “Drama Cycle”:

  • Callers support Phil, suggesting that fighting is "normal" in some relationships, but that if you're discussing it publicly, you're probably already worried.
  • “I have a couple friends…without that kind of drama, they wouldn’t be together.” – Caller Lisa (35:18)
  • “If you’re having a conversation on the radio about it, that means you’re more concerned about losing it than keeping it.” – Caller Michelle (36:17)

Memorable Quotes & Moments:

• “Did you have to interrupt him to borrow a tampon?” – Jeff (33:54)
• “You want to be the Obi Wan to Luke.” – Phil, to Bert about dating advice (34:42)
• “I was definitely…a total ass because, I mean, I was working on the same kind of station in Washington, D.C.…doing stupid things with women that I had no intention of being with for the rest of my life. Loved it. I'm bummed I see you having that opportunity.” – Bert (34:10)
• "You look like a [blank] over there." – Phil, in argument reenactment (40:43)
• “I swear to God, I’ve never cussed like that at Mary Kay. I swear to you on the tattooed cross on my ankle.” – Phil (41:15)

4. Notable Listener Calls & Open Lines

Throughout the Episode:

• Multiple callers (e.g., Sharice, Laura, Michelle, Omar) provide frank opinions on the main topics, often with personal context (from being single moms to relationship veterans), underscoring the communal "real talk" ethos of The Bert Show.
• Strong emotional and sometimes confrontational exchanges, especially around parenting, contribute to a cathartic and interactive show dynamic.

5. Tone, Language & Style

• Tone: Unfiltered, conversational, brash, and emotionally candid.
• Language: Reflects real talk-radio style; banter and humor offsetting heavy debates.
• Dynamic: Constant interplay between co-hosts, laced with sarcasm and empathy.

6. Key Timestamps/Segments

• Crash's marital “ghost” story: 01:36 - 12:00
• Sandy & parenting/dating ethics debate: 13:41 - 26:53
• Phil & Mary Kay relationship arguments: 28:42 - 43:08
• Listener validation for fighting in relationships: Throughout, esp. 35:13, 42:31

7. Memorable Quotes (with Attribution and Timestamps)

• “I can’t tell this story without getting chills.” – Crash (10:51)
• “If you’re parading a different guy out of your bedroom every other week and your kids know that Mommy is sleeping with a different guy every couple of weeks...you're scarring your kids.” – Host (18:24)
• “You have to be a parent first, over your sexual urges, over everything else.” – Caller T.C. (26:16)
• “In my world, I'd rather be in a relationship than be single, and I'm happy about getting hit.” – Phil Turan (33:15)
• “I was definitely...a total ass...doing stupid things with women that I had no intention of being with for the rest of my life.” – Bert (34:10)
• “If you’re having a conversation about it on the radio, that means you have a concern with it. So you’re probably gonna want to work to fix it.” – Caller Michelle (36:17)

8. Overall Takeaways

• The Bert Show leverages humor, openness, and tough love to unpack complicated realities: marriage and its crises, parenting after separation, and the fine line between passionate love and unhealthy conflict.
• Even the most outrageous or difficult listener calls are approached openly, prompting both raw advice and entertaining banter from the cast.
• The show’s strength lies in creating a shared, judgment-free (yet challenging) space for people to laugh, vent, and reflect on life’s messy moments.