The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Thursday, December 11 [Vault]
Original Air Date: December 11, 2025
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Mark (listener), Larry (listener), Various Callers
Episode Overview
This episode focuses on real-life relationship dilemmas with a candid, entertaining approach. The hosts field dramatic calls from listeners grappling with tricky moral situations—ranging from breakups and infidelity to workplace lies—all while providing their signature blend of tough love, banter, and genuine advice. The team invites callers to weigh in, often resulting in hilarious and brutally honest community feedback.
Segment 1: Mark’s Cheating Confession and Car Dilemma
Timestamps: [01:47]–[17:34]
The Story: Mark Calls in With a Car Conundrum
- Mark, a long-time listener, explains his breakup with an ex-girlfriend of 2.5 years. They jointly acquired a condo (in her family’s name) and a car (in her name, due to his poor credit).
- The twist: Mark cheated on her with her close friend/cousin, which led to the breakup. Now, she’s refusing to let him access the car, even though he’s paid $11,000 towards it.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
- Ownership & Consequence: The car is legally in her name, and Mark is seeking sympathy due to his financial investment. The hosts and listeners emphasize that his actions led to these consequences.
- Honesty and Accountability: Mark dodges direct questions about the affair's details until pressured:
- “Who’d you screw around with and where’d you do it, and how’d she find out?” – Bert [03:35]
- Mark admits: “Her cousin.” (with some confusion about how close the relationship really is) [03:56-04:05]
- Community Response: Callers overwhelmingly hold Mark accountable, with a mix of tough love, sarcasm, and some direct insults. Very little sympathy is extended to him.
Notable Quotes
- Bert: “You screwed around on her.” [02:52]
- Mark: “People make mistakes.” [06:57]
- Steve (Caller): “Take what's left of your credit, buy some shoes, and get to walking to work. You don't cheat on your girl.” [07:07]
- Host: “You are telling a story like a guilty guy. Yada, yada, yada, we broke up… you screwed around on her.” [02:40–02:53]
- Melissa (Host): “You called us to get your car back, not for advice... The car’s in her name. You’ve got no legal ground.” [09:03–09:40]
- Jay (Attorney Guest): “No leg to stand on, buddy. Nothing. Nothing at all.” [14:01]
- Kim (Caller): “What about the life that [your ex] was wanting to start with somebody?” [11:44]
- Mark responds with arrogance and a lack of remorse, further aggravating both hosts and listeners.
Memorable Moments
- Mark tries to elicit pity, saying: “Are there any cute girls with a car out there?” [11:34]
- Bert succinctly sums it up: “You’re the one who has to walk, buddy.” [12:40]
- Mark, defensive to the end: “I made the mistake already. Why do I have to keep paying?” [16:44]
- The call ends with Mark making a misogynistic comment: “Be careful because women just want your money.” The hosts immediately cut him off. [17:23–17:29]
Segment 2: The Scruples Dilemma – Lying to the Boss to Attend a Child's School Event
Timestamps: [20:18]–[29:45]
The Story: Larry’s Ethical Quandary
- Larry, another listener, calls in losing sleep over a recent lie to his boss. He used his son’s (fake) emergency room visit as an excuse to skip an important work obligation to attend his son’s school play.
- The lie spirals further when his boss asks the next day what happened, and Larry claims his son was hit by a car, even producing an old photo of his son with an injured arm for extra credibility.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
- Is it ever "okay" to lie to your boss if it means putting family first?
- Does invoking a serious accident as your excuse cross a moral line, even if your intentions are good?
- Hosts and callers debate the “size” of the lie and possible karmic implications.
- The real issue: Is Larry anxious about the lie itself, or the subject matter of the lie (inviting bad luck or karma)?
Notable Quotes
- Larry: “Ever since then… I'm waiting for your kid to get run over or something. I'm waiting for a phone call where this... where my poor baby's in the emergency room.” [22:43]
- Host: “Would you be losing sleep and stressed if you missed your son's play, instead of lying?” [24:00]
- Larry (on why he didn't just ask for time off): “There was no way. If I said, well, my baby's got to play, he would have been like, ‘Well, you got work to do.’” [24:51]
- Robbie (Caller, single parent): “I never tell the boss that my child has something at school… because they penalize you for it… you gotta make work the priority.” [27:20]
Memorable Moments
- When pressed about what he told his boss, Larry confesses: “I said he got hit by a car.” The room erupts in disbelief. [25:48]
- “How many accidents can your kid walk out in front of?”—host, poking fun at the escalation of Larry’s stories. [27:12]
- Final caller: “You set a lie so you could spend time with your son. … If you come back and you get hit, it’s not your son that gets hit, it’s you. … You gained so much more.” [29:13]
- “Why can’t my boss just get hit by a car?”—Larry, jokingly lamenting possible karmic consequences. [29:34]
Tone & Takeaways
- Original Language & Tone: Conversation is brash, funny, direct, loaded with sarcasm but also real human insight. Hosts and callers don’t hold back, calling out guests on their nonsense.
- Advice: Both segments emphasize personal accountability, integrity, and the complexity of real-life moral choices. The community (via callers) reinforces values of honesty, respect, and owning up to mistakes.
Timestamps for Important Segments
- Mark’s story begins: [01:47]
- Mark admits cheating details: [03:56–04:05]
- Listeners call in with reactions: [07:07ff]
- Expert legal input from Jay: [14:01]
- Mark’s story ends: [17:34]
- Larry’s scruples scenario starts: [20:18]
- Larry reveals depth of the lie: [25:48]
- Callers debate morality of the lie: [27:20ff]
- Final thoughts on family vs. work: [29:13–29:41]
Final Thoughts
This episode delivers a gripping mix of true-life drama, humor, and no-nonsense advice. Whether you agree with the hosts or not, you’ll walk away thinking more deeply about integrity, forgiveness, and the importance of facing the consequences of your actions.