Full Show PT 2: Tuesday, November 11

Summary

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The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Tuesday, November 11

Date: November 11, 2025
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast
Episode Theme: Authentic laughter, real-life dilemmas, and lighthearted fun—this episode dives into parenting conundrums, office time-wasting confessions, and a Pride tradition full of playful mischief.

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Episode Overview

This episode captures the essence of The Bert Show's style: blending humor and compassion with candid listener calls and quirky team banter. The main focus is “Crystal’s Dilemma”—a mother questioning whether to let her young son wear his favorite (sparkly, "Princess"-labeled) shirt to his first day of kindergarten. The episode also features a stroll through distracting office websites and the show's annual "Smear the Straight" event in honor of Atlanta Pride.

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1. Listener Dilemma: Should Crystal Let Her Son Wear a "Princess" Shirt? (00:50–22:24)

Background

• Crystal calls in seeking guidance: Her five-year-old son wants to wear his favorite black, sparkly "Princess" t-shirt to his first day of kindergarten—a hand-me-down from his big sister. Crystal worries about judgment from teachers, students, and other parents, while her husband thinks it’s not a big deal.

Discussion Highlights

Parental Concerns

• Crystal:

  • Wants to spare her son potential embarrassment or teasing.
  • Feels conflicted as her son is deeply attached to the shirt.
  • “It's like throwing your favorite teddy bear away. Okay, he's attached to it.” (03:44)

• Hosts' Initial Reactions:

  • Jokes about altering the shirt, making it “ghetto off-center print.” (03:04)
  • Debate around whether the issue is the word "princess" being for girls.

Expert Opinions

• Steve, Assistant Principal:

  • Stresses first impressions matter—more for teachers and staff than kids themselves.
  • “Perception is so much in the school system…it really can set up some things for later on, perception wise.” (05:15)
  • Believes parents set the tone, cautioning about possible long-term judgments.

• Tara, Social Worker/Child Development:

  • Emphasizes the shirt as a security object for the child.
  • Suggestion: compromise by letting the boy bring the shirt in his backpack or wear it under another shirt.
  • “What if we bargained with him...you can have it with you, but maybe you pick a special brand new shirt?” (09:13)

• Mandy, Listener & Mom:

  • Agrees on possible compromise—layering the shirt under another to allow comfort and support the child’s sense of control.
  • “Layers are totally in style right now. Don't be a booger.” (10:56)

• Scott, Listener:

  • Recommends channeling the love for sparkles: “Let him pick up some sparkles and make him a little more masculine one…”

Deeper Concerns and Self-Reflection

• Are Crystal's Fears About Her Son…or Herself?
  • Jody, listener: “I think you're more worried about what people think of you as a parent than the child.” (15:12)
  • Others: Wearing a princess shirt is not the biggest thing he’ll get teased for in life; lesson in autonomy and resilience.

The "Let Kids Be Kids" Argument

• Some hosts and callers suggest, ultimately, it's a small thing—a child should be allowed their choices, especially when they're so young.

Counterpoint: Long-Term Social Impact

• Kim, High School Counselor:
  • Warns that kids do remember such details even years later, possibly fueling teasing into middle or high school.
  • “He will forever be that child who wore the pink shirt on the first day of school. These kids grow up together… it really can stigmatize them.” (16:38)

Where Does the Show Land?

• Divided: Some hosts say let the kid wear it, others—especially after school staff calls—caution against it for the sake of future discomfort.
• Crystal leans toward steering her son away from the shirt, considering the feedback but valuing some of the gentle compromise solutions.
• Memorable Quote:
  • “Let it, let him wear it. Even though in ninth grade one of his friends at school could find that picture?” (21:50)

Key Segment Timestamps:

• The dilemma begins: (00:50)
• Assistant Principal Steve weighs in: (05:15)
• Child Social Worker Tara suggests a compromise: (09:02)
• Listeners debate Crystal's real motivation: (15:10)
• High School Counselor Kim warns of long-term impact: (16:36)

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2. Lighthearted Segment: Websites That Waste Your Office Time (24:42–35:20)

Setup:

• In a lighter segment, the crew and listeners swap stories about the websites and games that derail productivity at work.

Favorite Distractions:

• Solo Games & Classics:

  • Collapse, Pop It, Bubble Wrap, Poppers: “Hours. I would play that for hours.” (26:10)
  • Online Sudoku—confessed prowess and beginner’s struggles.
  • Jumble comic page puzzles.

• Unexpected Favorites:

  • GwinnettCountySherriff.com – Mug shots, amusingly guessing offenses. “Try to guess what they did, then look to see what they really did.” (29:28)
  • Oddtod.com—quirky cartoons and stories by an unemployed cartoonist.
  • Uglydresses.com – Critiquing horrific wedding and prom dresses.
  • WeddingBedding.com – “Rate how long couples will last based on their wedding pictures.”
  • TelevisionWithoutPity.com – TV recap humor.
  • Tabloid summaries (Unnamed website): “You don’t have to buy all the tabloids anymore.”

Memorable Quotes:

• “At least there's something to read. With others, it's like kicking a soccer ball up on a shoe for three hours.” (25:38)
• “If you recently got arrested by Gwinnett county and you're going right now, you're praying. Please, Jeff, don't say my name.” (31:09)

Key Segment Timestamps:

• Site distractions start: (24:42)
• “Pop It” fan confessions: (27:25)
• Gwinnett Sheriff mugshots: (28:51)
• “Ugly Dresses” and “Wedding Bedding” intros: (32:10–33:32)

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3. Annual Tradition: "Smear the Straight" for Pride (36:07–48:53)

Background:

• The team marks Atlanta Pride with their twist on the childhood football game “Smear the Queer,” recasting it as “Smear the Straight.” Phil, the show's straight guy, is the running target, tackled by local gay athletes in celebration.

Event Details:

• Melissa Carter reports live from Piedmont Park.
• Participants: This year features members of the ADDA Gay Tennis League and the always-formidable Yogi.

Banter and Humor:

• On traditions:

  • “It’s tradition now on the Bert show…This was strictly a dude thing, smear the queer. At the time, we didn’t realize how politically incorrect it was…” (36:36)
  • “So this year he just took his sweatshirt off, and now he's got a T shirt on that says, yum, yum. Get you some. That is handwritten on the T shirt. He's got four pink lays around his neck…” (44:13)

• Live Play-By-Play:

  • Phil is given a five-second head start and is chased across the field, tackled repeatedly, and given birthday spankings.
  • Melissa: “He lost his hat in the process, and now he's getting birthday spankings from all the guys.” (47:26)
  • Phil: “This game is officially retired and dies.” (48:47)

• Joyful Energy:

  • Emphasis on community, inclusivity, and fun to kick off Pride Week in Atlanta.
  • “Happy Pride!” (48:16)

Key Segment Timestamps:

• Event setup and history: (36:07–44:28)
• Live action begins: (44:41)
• Phil’s play-by-play and aftermath: (47:05–48:47)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

On Parental Dilemmas:

• “You control what your child wears at school.” – Steve, Assistant Principal (07:34)
• “It's a security thing for him.” – Tara, Social Worker (09:13)

On Office Time-Wasting:

• “If you recently got arrested by Gwinnett county and you're going right now, you're praying. Please, Jeff, don't say my name.” (31:09)

On "Smear the Straight":

• “He lost his hat in the process, and now he's getting birthday spankings from all the guys.” – Melissa Carter (47:26)
• “Happy Pride!” (48:16)

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Episode Themes and Takeaways

• Parenting: Navigating the balance between protecting your child from possible hurt and allowing self-expression, with differing views on the role of parents in guiding versus controlling these choices.
• Community & Fun: The show leans into inclusivity and humor, using annual traditions and shared laughter to create a welcoming, uplifting environment—topped by a vibrant celebration of Atlanta Pride.
• Everyday Escapism: A lighthearted look at the mundane (and mischievous) ways people break up workdays, highlighting the value of shared guilty pleasures.

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For those who missed it: This episode blends real parenting struggles, playful listener confessions, and community celebration. It’s full of empathy, sharp wit, and the easy camaraderie The Bert Show is known for—another charming, authentic morning with Atlanta’s favorite radio crew!

Transcript

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[A]

It'S the virt show.

[B]

Tracy, does this woman have a name?

[E]

Her name is Crystal.

[B]

Crystal. Crystal's got a dilemma. And what we like to do when we have listeners with dilemmas is we let them come on the air and tell their dilemma. And then people call up and half the callers say yes and the other half say no. And then the person gets off the phone and they are in the same exact place as they were when they called us. But we get to fill 20 minutes or 30 minutes of radio time. So Crystal gets to do that today. Hey, Crystal.

[D]

Hi.

[C]

Hey, how are you guys?

[B]

We are well. And how are things in your house?

[C]

Well, things are a little. Things are great. I have a five year old who's starting kindergarten next week.

[B]

Okie doke.

[E]

That's a big deal when they go there first day of kindergarten.

[C]

It is, it is. And we need to pick out a first day of school outfit. We have orientation tomorrow for him, you know, for the teachers and the kids. But he needs a first day of school outfit and so that's fine. But he wants to wear his favorite T shirt, which is hand me down from his big sister. And it's a black T shirt with a sparkly word on it that says princess.

[E]

And this is his favorite T shirt.

[C]

It's his favorite.

[B]

So I'm assuming the way things are going in this house is first day of school is coming up. Okay, here's what we gotta do. We gotta go buy your supplies and we gotta go buy your backpack and you gotta go buy your first.

[C]

Yeah, the first half. I mean, I've made it so exciting, you know, trying to tell him how important it is and first day and, you know, thinking he'd love a little polo shirt or something, you know, and he wants to wear this shirt and.

[E]

Is this something that he got attached to over the summer?

[C]

Oh, yes, yes. He sleeps in it. He just. And I think it's the sparklies. You know, he likes the black with the sparkles and he likes the lettering on it. He doesn't know what it says. Obviously he can't read. But to me, I just. I don't want my son going to his first day of school in a.

[D]

T shirt that says Princess.

[B]

Can't you just use a. Like a something and pull the last two S's off and make it look like a ghetto off center print shirt?

[C]

That's not a bad idea, actually.

[D]

Maybe. I don't know.

[C]

My husband thinks it's no big deal.

[B]

But you said it was a hand.

[A]

Me down or is it something he.

[C]

Just kind of hand me down from his big sister. She'll be in second grade. She's going into second grade. And he just. Honestly, I don't know what it is. And I really. I've tried to, you know, explain it to him. And he wants to wear that shirt. I mean, he's throwing a bit of a tantrum about it.

[E]

That is so cute.

[B]

We have two issues here, because one, as a parent, can't you just make the shirt go away?

[C]

I just. He's attached to it. I mean, it's like throwing your favorite teddy bear away. Okay, he's attached to it.

[B]

And then two, with your husband. Is this an issue between you and your husband? Because your husband's like, I don't care, let him wear it.

[C]

Yeah, in a sense. I can't believe he's gonna let his, you know, young son go to his first day of school in a T shirt that says Princess. I. I just. I mean, am I overreacting? I just feel like you can't do that to your child. And, you know, I know he can't read it. I know they can't read it, but there might be one who can, and the teachers can read it.

[B]

And it's not like you're gonna take pictures of this day and look at him for years and years to come.

[C]

Thank you.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

Hey.

[B]

Oh, go ahead.

[E]

I guess I want to know your underlying issue with the word princess. Like, what are we really talking about here?

[C]

Well, it's for a girl. Exactly. And he's a boy. Okay.

[E]

Just making sure.

[A]

You think maybe your husband's just wondering.

[E]

Just trying to. Not make sure. Just click, clarify.

[C]

Right.

[E]

Just because it's a girly thing, you don't want him to wear it.

[B]

You think you maybe might be trying to Tough him up at a really young age.

[C]

Well, I'm sorry, but I just. Oh, I just. One kid reading it and pointing just might do something to him. Maybe not. Maybe I am overreacting, but I really would just rather spare him that situation.

[B]

Hey, Steve here on the vert show.

[D]

Hey, how are y'? All?

[B]

What's up?

[D]

Hey, listen, I'm an assistant principal, and I think what you need to realize, mom, is that first impressions are very important. And it's not so much the kids you're going to have to worry about, it's the faculty, it's the staff. The parent is sending their child, a male student, to school with a princess shirt on.

[C]

Right.

[D]

And that really can set up some things for later on, perception wise. So I think.

[A]

Like what?

[D]

Well, I just, you know how we all react first, we're easy to judge.

[B]

You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

[D]

Well, I'm just saying it's very easy for everyone to judge. And when you go in that school and your child walks in that classroom and they see that, and then that's going to be talk of the school the rest of the day. I'll guarantee it. I'll put money on it. You just got to watch out what you do. You want to do it, that's fine. But I'm just telling you, perception is so much in the school system, not just school, it's everywhere. But your child goes in there, then say that one kid realizes what that means, goes home and tells a parent. And then later on, you're just setting up for possible problems later on. Is it worth it? Not to me.

[B]

Next thing you know, your kid's gonna be in a band called Wham and then picking up dudes at a truck stop in the middle.

[E]

I want to ask him a question since he's an administrator. So you don't think the teachers would just look at it and be like, oh, that little five year old, like, how silly he was attached to that shirt, whatever.

[D]

Yes, I think there are some teachers that would evaluate that that way. I do think there are some people that would say, you know what, what is this parent thinking sending their child to school, Gotcha. With a princess shirt on. You know, and I just, I just know if it. I just know when we have kids that come dress inappropriately, we deal with it. Does it cause a school disruption? It won't. It's not going to probably in the first grade, but then again, I don't know, you probably got some kids in there can read already that understand what that means. And you've got another male there going, hey, what are you doing with the princess shirt on?

[E]

So you're, you're more afraid of it hurting his feelings over the long run?

[D]

I don't know, I'm not saying, I don't know that the, I don't know that it's really going to hurt his feelings, you know, at that age.

[B]

You're just saying, given the options, he.

[D]

Probably, I think it's safer just to say, look, hey, let's, let's, let's fight this battle at this age. Why even, why even worry about this? Remember who the adult is here and remember that you're doing, you know, you control that, what they wear to school. And that's what we told a group of parents last night. You control what your child wears at school. You know, so these girls that come to school wearing their dresses too short or their skirts too short, or the guys wearing their pants down around their, you know, around their buttocks, you know, it's something that we deal with because in middle school that causes problems.

[B]

Thanks for the call, Steve.

[E]

Crystal, what do you think?

[C]

I do. I mean, it just reinforces what I'm thinking. I mean, my husband isn't really taking this seriously at all. And I really do think it is serious now. It is kindergarten. I know he was thinking first grade.

[D]

But still.

[C]

Kindergarten'S kindergarten. And he's right. Parents saying, oh, who let their child wear that? I think, and remembering it as the kid who did that. And first day, I think all the parents will be there and I just don't want him to do it. And I just need my husband really to step up.

[E]

Yeah, you don't want your 5 year old to be on the dress code violation list like the first day.

[C]

Well, and to think that the teachers would talk. Oh, that just.

[B]

Oh, hey, Tara.

[C]

Hey. Hi, guys. How you doing?

[B]

Now, you are very smart because you are a child psychologist.

[C]

Well, technically don't have the PhD yet, but I am a licensed social worker and I also have a degree in.

[D]

Child development and I stayed at a.

[B]

Holiday Inn last night.

[C]

And from what I'm seeing is that obviously I'm not sure it's the sparkles necessarily. I think it's security. And when you're talking about this is a big day, it's a big deal, we're so excited. It's a big step for him. And so that's something that he's really secure about, is wearing that shirt and that might make him feel more comfortable in a really new situation. And I think, I mean, I mean, that administrator, if that's his point of view, that's fine. But we're not talking about middle school. We're talking about kindergarten. And in my opinion, kindergarten teachers should be trained for this kind of thing. And it's possible that, what if you bargained with him and said, you know, I know you love this shirt. What if we put that in your backpack? What if we bring that, you know, and you can have it with you, but maybe you could pick a special brand new shirt that just you. You know what I mean? Giving him an option but not taking away maybe what makes him feel the most comfortable.

[B]

You are smart, Tara. Thank you.

[C]

All right, thanks, guys.

[B]

Hey, Mandy, you're on the bird show.

[C]

Hi. Well, first of all, I want to say I completely agree with the gal who was just talking. And those were basically some of my same thoughts. I thought, though, instead of maybe let the child wear the shirt as the compromise, because that's probably the security of it is having it on physically. But then say, I'm let you wear the shirt, but I'm going to pick out a shirt that you wear over it, like a button down short sleeve shirt or something like that. So it's almost like a layered type look. And that way you both are kind of getting your way and he feels a little bit of control in the decision and it's the security of the shirt.

[B]

And then all the other parents goes, what type of idiot parent dresses their kids in layers when it's 99?

[C]

Layers are totally in style right now. Don't be a booger.

[B]

Thanks for that.

[E]

They might be more critical of that than the princess. Crystal.

[B]

Amanda, how old are your kids?

[C]

I have a son turning 5 in September. I have a 3 year old and an 11 month old.

[B]

Yep. You are totally absent of adult conversation because you just found another person a booger.

[C]

That's true.

[B]

I gotta let you go. I gotta go tinkle.

[E]

I know.

[C]

I was gonna say I need to go potty. Okay, I'll give you a gold star for going tinkle in the potty.

[B]

Hey, Scott. Oh, no, hold on. You're not Scott. You're Scott. What's going on, buddy?

[D]

How's it going, man?

[B]

How are you?

[D]

Pretty good. Pretty good. I think she just tell the kid he can't have that shirt and take him to the store, let him pick up some sparkles and make him a little more masculine one, that he can participate in the creation of a new favorite shirt.

[B]

See, that's. That's it.

[A]

Princesses Love me bedazzle that shirt.

[D]

You know, a little more appropriate.

[E]

Not the hell out of. That's not really that appropriate for a 5 year old either. But I mean.

[B]

Hey, you know, Crystal, I'm fascinated by the conversations you've had with your husband. Like, what is he. Is he just maintained that this is.

[C]

He just thinks I'm crazy to even worry about it.

[E]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. I honestly think it would be the exact opposite. Like, if Bert was in here, he would be saying no. I mean, didn't Burt steal? Does Hayden listen to the show? Can I say that? I'll say he can't understand Aiden's 22 in Bert's eyes. Bert didn't burt at least five.

[E]

I mean four. I mean, three.

[B]

Yeah, I think. I think Bert. I don't want to throw Bert under the bus, though, because I think Hayden's big enough to kick his ass right now.

[E]

But that baby doll that he had.

[B]

And loved and Burt made it go away.

[E]

It disappeared.

[B]

Yep.

[E]

Somehow. Somehow Hayden doesn't have his baby doll anymore.

[B]

Wow. It ended up in like a grainy video on Al Jira tv.

[E]

Tied up, smoking a cigarette, hands behind his back. So awful, awful imagery, but, like, Burt.

[B]

Just made it go away. So, like, why. I'm not saying this is the right answer, but is there maybe you could. Like, what would happen if. What would happen if your husband came home today and you're like, you're not gonna believe this. I can't find the princess shirt. Gone.

[C]

If I said that to my husband or he said that to me.

[B]

If you said that to your husband because he is on your son's side, like, hey, go ahead and wear it. I think your first mission is gonna have to be to get your husband on your side.

[C]

Yeah, this is true. It's almost like he couldn't even care about the issue whatsoever. He really thinks I'm making such a big deal out of it. And, you know, that's a possibility. It's my son who throws the tantrum and who I don't want. You know, the one who said maybe he could take it in his backpack. I think that's not a bad idea.

[E]

Here's another one I was just thinking about. Does he have like a favorite style stuffed animal or something that could wear the T shirt?

[C]

It's. Yeah, but it's too big. It's too big. Yeah, the T shirt's too big. But no, I thought about that too. I mean, you know, and then. I know that sounds crazy. I don't know. The idea in the backpack Isn't bad. I just. Yeah, it's the whole thing. What if he takes it out? I just.

[E]

See, I gotta be honest with you. I've been listening to this.

[C]

I just.

[E]

I don't even care. I mean, I wouldn't. It's not a big deal. Let him wear whatever he wants. See, that's her husband. She's more worried about the way she's gonna be represented as a mother.

[B]

But that's her. Yeah, it's.

[C]

But who cares?

[E]

It's like, let him wear. He's in kindergarten. I mean, I'm just taking the other side here. I'm just kind of like, I've been listening, and to me, he's in kindergarten.

[C]

I mean, I know people that I've known since second grade. I mean, don't you know people that you've known forever? And they could be the ones and they could say, yeah, you are. You know, if they known him when they 11 or 12 say, you know, they could be teasing him for that till then, saying he wore a princess shirt or something. I mean, I see that you say.

[E]

That, and it doesn't it not sound like that big of a deal when you repeat it back to yourself, like, that's the guy that wore a princess shirt.

[C]

Like, you just don't know what these things, though. I mean, I think.

[B]

Hey, Jody. Yes, you're talking to Crystal.

[D]

Hey, Crystal.

[C]

Hi.

[D]

I think what they just said is the biggest issue. I think you're more worried about what people think of you as a parent than the child.

[C]

No, I think the worst thing that.

[D]

People tease him about. You have nothing to worry about, honey. I mean, he is going to get teased about more things than wearing a princess shirt the first day of school. That's life.

[C]

Yep.

[D]

So, I mean, you either need to.

[C]

Let him, but why make it that much harder for him? Not making it that hard for him.

[D]

You're giving him a lesson that he needs to learn anyway. I mean, let him wear the shirt. You know, the most you're going to do is, you know, approve the fact that he is his own person and he can make his own decision.

[B]

But it's age five. Like, I don't think he know. He can't even process a lot of.

[E]

A lot of people that. Especially like in the Montessori schools or whatever, it's all about the child's decision. And picking out their clothes and stuff is all a really big deal.

[D]

So even if, like the other caller said, let him wear it as a T shirt underneath, at least you know, you're Giving him a little bit of a decision to make. And it's something like the psychologist said, It's a security thing for him.

[B]

You know what? See, here's the thing, though. Okay? Thanks for the call, Jody. Here's the. I'm going to take a call. Hey. Hey, Kim.

[D]

Hey, here's.

[B]

Here's where we're going. Because Kim is a school counselor, okay? So all the people who are. Look outside, looking in are saying, let them do it, no problem. And Kim is going to agree with the first clutter that we had from the school.

[E]

Really?

[B]

This is going to be a big problem.

[C]

I am a high school guidance counselor. And, you know, it may seem insignificant. Oh, they might tease him later. Oh, no, I see it every day. And he will forever be that child who wore the pink shirt on the first day of school. These kids grow up together and stay together. And I hate. I mean, it sounds so silly that something like that could stigmatize them, but it really, really can. I wholeheartedly believe that.

[E]

So what do you think she should do with her son and with her husband now?

[C]

I think that the psychologist or the sort of psychologist has suggested maybe. Maybe putting it in the bag, or maybe we put it in a special place in the house, you know, and we have it on a special bear. You know, we see that when we get home or something like that. But really, just encourage a new favorite shirt. Kids can be redirected very easily.

[B]

Maybe something when the hello Kitty line or the Bratz.

[C]

I honestly, honestly believe, and I've been doing this a long time, and I have a million degrees and none of that matters. I really just believe that that kid will be the kid forever who wore the pink shirt as Princess and Sparkles.

[E]

I'm telling you, there could be worse things, though.

[B]

Thanks, Kim.

[E]

Hey, definitely there could be worse things, but this is first day of kindergarten. It's such a big deal.

[B]

Do not let him wear it. Like, these pictures are gonna be looked at for years. Like these are the pictures that his. Yeah, he's gonna be. I'm 100% with Kim.

[E]

Totally disagree.

[B]

Hey, Spencer.

[D]

Yep.

[B]

What's up?

[D]

First of all, to all my buddies out there that'll listen to me playing rugby. Yeah, I actually called in for the father. The father's deal. As far as, you know, who cares what he wears? I can definitely see that, you know, as being a father's attitude. Let the kid wear the thing, let him get picked at, and then he'll realize maybe what not to do for whoever on the shows that said you're more worried about what people think is you as a parent. I mean, if more people were worried about what people thought of them as a parent, the whole system would be a lot better. I mean, the whole system would be a lot better.

[E]

So you're saying Crystal's concern about her son isn't just selfish, that it's a good thing that she's that concerned?

[D]

Yeah, and whoever with the show brought that up as a devil's advocate thing. I mean, that's the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard.

[E]

Actually, that was a big thing.

[D]

Is the child psychologist that called in. It's not a decision. You're the adult. I mean, don't compromise. Don't wear the shirt. It sounds like it's his big sister shirt. So it's probably about 10 sizes too big for him. And you're gonna put something else over the top of him. You want him to look ridiculous, do that.

[B]

Well, it is big, but it looks like a dress. So they just put a big belt around him.

[E]

They belt it. Belts are in these days.

[B]

The problem's gonna be finding the scrunchie that matches the shir. Oh, no. Hey, Crystal, I don't know if that got you any closer to where you need to be.

[C]

Well, you know, I appreciate him saying that. It's not that I do worry about what others think, but I do worry about how cruel kids can be. And I really do believe that they will remember that, you know, in fifth grade or sixth grade when they do start to get even meaner. And I just don't want that to follow him around. And I do feel like I got some good ideas as to how to deal with it, but I definitely want him to wear it.

[B]

But it's not my. Like, I don't. I don't think they'll remember it. Like, I don't think tomorrow or whatever the first day of school is. I don't think that on that day anyone is going to remember, you know, X number. Like, I don't think in second grade people are going to still know him as that. But what is going to happen is every parent who has a kid in that class is going to be there with a camera, and then there's going to be the first day of school picture, and there's going to be pictures you take of him.

[C]

And.

[B]

And so different families are going to have pictures of your kid wearing a shirt that says princess. And all it's going to take is somebody looking through their pictures when they are in that super cruel Age, fifth grade, sixth grade, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, eleventh, twelfth. You know, like when they're in that window and somebody going through the old pictures and goes, oh my God, look at, especially if he is one of the less popular kids that is going to come back to haunt him. And I think you, I think that you need to look out for them.

[E]

Yeah, I think I agree about changing the shirt, but maybe for a different reason because it sort of struck a chord with me when the parents were saying or the teachers are saying that you're the parent and you can steer the child in certain directions. You know, I mean, I think that you give your child certain liberties, but I think that you also are in charge. And I think maybe this is one of those decisions that could be a very telling decision for your future relationship with your son. You know what I'm saying? Like, I think, I think you have to say at times I'm the parent and what I say goes.

[C]

Right.

[E]

I think other times you give them the freedom to choose what they want to do. So this may be your line in the sand on that. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, your son is a high maintenance little princess.

[C]

He's a tough little boy, I'll tell you. But that princess shirt is something else.

[E]

And Jamie, you still say let him wear it, let him wear it. I just think that there's bigger battles you're going to have to, have to find.

[B]

Let it, let him wear it. Even though in ninth grade one of his friends at school could find that picture.

[E]

And hey, but see, you're talking like about these pictures and all that. I don't have any pictures from being in kindergarten. I mean, to me it's just the whole thing is too overdramatic. I just, I mean, I guess as a parent, you know, I'm not a parent, I guess whatever. But, but yeah, I just think the whole thing is you like your husband. I think you're just making too much.

[A]

Of a big deal about it.

[B]

Well, there you go, Crystal right down the middle. Glad to help.

[C]

Thanks you guys.

[E]

Good luck.

[B]

Thanks for nothing.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

We know you guys. If you're if you're at work and you're working behind a computer, My guess is 50% of your day is spent on work. 50% is playing solitaire, kicking a soccer ball straight up in the air, playing golf, whatever.

[E]

Not that I have ever had both windows opened up like an Excel spreadsheet on one side and then got solitaire on the other and you just click on one that covers the other when the boss comes by. I know that I'm the only one in the history of Atlanta that's ever done that.

[B]

There are programs that you can get where you this might be the same thing you're saying where the panic button, it's a where you run, it runs like underneath whatever you're doing. And if your boss hooks up, you just hit F1. Oh and it automatic Some key and it goes to some screen that makes it look like whatever it is you work on at your office.

[A]

Yeah. I wonder if we could put a list together of the websites that you guys waste the most amount of time on. 404, 741, 1005. Because this list is. This could be hundreds. Hundreds.

[E]

Perez Hilton. Pink is the new blog.

[B]

Perez Hilton sucks, man.

[A]

At least. At least there's something to read on.

[B]

That all the time.

[A]

At least there's something to read there with others. It's like, you know, kicking a soccer ball up on a shoe for three hours. Remember that one that you can balance it, right?

[B]

The one that you and I used to do with the. Throwing the wadded papers into the garbage can?

[A]

Yeah, that's another one. But you can't stop playing because you start to challenge yourself.

[E]

There was one that was so addictive. I don't know, it was all these kids, colored blocks. And every time you'd hit one color, like the red block, if there was any adjoining.

[B]

Collapse.

[E]

Is that one?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Collapse. And all of the colored blocks that were together would. Hours. I would play that for hours.

[A]

Have you ever been to the site where it's just like bubble wrap and you just put your cursor over in it?

[E]

It's virtual bubble wrap.

[A]

I can't stop.

[B]

I had to fix my parents computer. Something happened to it. So it's the only time my parents call me. My dad's computer goes down. So he calls me up and he says, hey, can you fix that? Whatever. And so I can log on to their computer from mine at the house. So I'm looking at it and there's this game called Poppers or Pop it or something like that. And it's like that collapsed thing with balloons and stuff. So I'm supposed to be trying to fix why he can't get on America Online or whatever. And I end up popping red balloons.

[E]

For two and a half hours, not.

[B]

Even on my own computer. Like from Atlanta through Syracuse onto some random game. So if my parents, they could have been sitting there watching their monitor going, what is he doing? Like, fix it.

[A]

I'm gonna tell you about the most superficial and catty website that you guys will spend all day long on today. As soon as I take these calls. And if you're calling up with websites, just make sure there's not gonna be a whole bunch of boobies hanging out and stuff. Morning, Laura. You're on the Burt show. All the hits. Q100.

[C]

Hey, guys.

[B]

Hey.

[C]

I love Pop it, by the way. Jeff, that's a great game. I look on this website called oddtod.

[A]

Do oddtod.com yes.

[C]

And it's written by this cartoonist who's been unemployed for the last few years, probably because he went on websites all the time and he just does, you know, he does cartoons and he does stories and he, you know, gets people to write in their interesting stories. It's actually good stuff. So good reading material.

[A]

Oddtod.com yes. Okay. Thank you very much. Good morning, Aaron. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[C]

Hi. The game Sudoku, I play a lot. It's www.su-o k u.com I think.

[A]

And it's just program after program of these Sudoku games.

[C]

Sudoku games? Yeah, like the number games.

[A]

My mother in law is so into this.

[E]

I have a confession to make. When I was at the bookstore, I was getting something else at the bookstore recently and on the discount rack was like, you know, like beginner Sudoku. And I actually bought it because I thought, you know what, I'm mad that I don't know how to do something that's in the paper every day. I still haven't opened that book.

[C]

I still don't know how to do.

[B]

That puzzle on the comic page where every, like, other letter is circled.

[E]

Yeah, Jumble.

[B]

I don't know how that crap works. I don't think you're allowed to do those unless you're over 78.

[A]

Shauna. Good morning. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[C]

Good morning.

[D]

Morning.

[C]

My guilty pleasure is gwinnettcountysherriff.com oh, what's on there? Well, if you have violated the law in the past 31 days, your mug shot will be up there.

[A]

Oh, that is cool.

[C]

It is pretty cool. It has your, your charges, your bond, your address, your mug shot.

[B]

What'd he do?

[C]

I haven't ever been on there. Knock on wood. Thank God. So just about anybody, I don't know. If you know anybody in Gwinnett county, go check it out.

[B]

So where, so where do you.

[E]

Which link?

[B]

Yeah, where do you look?

[C]

It's where do I live?

[B]

No, where do you look?

[D]

On the way.

[C]

Just go to GwinnettCountySherriff.com www.gwinnettcountysherriff.com We are.

[D]

Docket book and where.

[C]

Docket book, docket book.

[E]

There it is.

[A]

You know what you guys got to do there is without reading what they did, look at the picture and try to guess what they did and then look to See what they really did. Try it.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Well, I'll play. What'd she do?

[E]

Shoplifting.

[A]

You didn't even hesitate, Bert. She carjacked somebody. She put a world. Hurt somebody. Oh, honey, can you get arrested for just looking bad?

[B]

She used to date her, Lawrence. She looks like possession of crack.

[E]

Oh, she assaulted.

[B]

I was gonna go with. I like Melissa's. I was gonna say assault. Let me go back here and see the charges.

[E]

She's a badass for sure.

[B]

Against her. Materials on windshield trafficking, cocaine traffic.

[C]

Lawrence.

[B]

Lawrence.

[E]

When the circle gets the square.

[A]

It's weird because I spent a lot.

[D]

Of time in Gwinnett county jail.

[B]

What if I just give you the name and you tell me what kind of criminal he is? Like, what do you think somebody named Anthony Allen is up to?

[A]

Anthony Allen?

[B]

He.

[A]

He knifed somebody?

[B]

Nope. Marijuana possession.

[E]

He. He's trying to get a bunch of people in a pyramid scheme.

[A]

You know that guy, Laura?

[B]

He burgled.

[A]

He burgled.

[B]

What about Ray? What about Ray? Ronald.

[E]

He's a child molester.

[B]

Definitely.

[A]

See, if he had a. If he had a middle name like Lee, then he's a serial killer.

[B]

No, Ray Lee. No, he's a thief.

[E]

It was. I don't know. I was thinking about him dressing up like Ronald.

[B]

How about Rodney Terry?

[E]

Rodney Terry?

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

Rodney Terry. He did something superficial.

[D]

He.

[E]

Pot possession.

[A]

Yeah. Barely even a joint on that guy.

[B]

I'm going with, what a bummer. If you recently got arrested by Gwinnett county and you're going right now, you're praying. Please, Jeff, don't say my name. Please, Jeff, don't say my name. Please, Jeff, don't say my name. All right, where did it go? Where's. Let me see what Ronnie Terry did.

[A]

Don't leave me hanging, dude. I gotta know how much weed Rodney Terry had on him.

[B]

I don't think Rodney.

[E]

He's in a Gwinnett county park with a. Charges aren't coming up.

[B]

Yeah, that must be a felony. Big file.

[A]

Good morning, Spencer. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

[D]

Hey, guys. How you doing?

[A]

What's up?

[D]

Listen, this is one that's almost fitting for the ones called killsometime.com.

[A]

And what's that one do you get.

[D]

All kinds of videos to pictures, stuff. But it's videos and it's nothing. That's risk everything. It's videos from people doing funny stuff to being absolutely totally stupid. But it's. But it's a dipping though.

[A]

I kill some time. Dot com. Thank you. This one sounds like, it has a lot of potential here. Good morning. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[C]

Good morning, Bert. Yes, I have one. It's called uglydresses.com.

[E]

Nice.

[C]

And there are pictures of horrific weddings. There's a prom dress in there where the girl is pregnant, going to prom, and has her belly cut out of the dress.

[E]

That's great.

[C]

They are horrific.

[A]

That's great.

[C]

Hours of fun. And the girl that runs the site writes little stories about each one. It is hilarious.

[A]

Ugly dresses dot com. Okay. The website that I want to share with you is pretty much. It's kind of the same thing, but this one is called weddingbedding.com W E D D I n G B E T T I n G. And essentially it is. You remember the website am ihot.com? where somebody would put a picture up and you would rate them from 1 to 5 or 1 to 10 or whatever. These are couples that just recently got engaged or recently got married. So their wedding pictures are up online, and you vote on five different choices. Barely pass the altar, how long the couple will last. Barely pass the altar. One year, five years, eight years, 15 years, or happily ever after. And after you vote, the average score of everybody that voted before you comes up also. So, like, in this case, this couple got a 4.5 years, and 75% of the people that voted said that they're going to get divorced.

[B]

Can we put our.

[E]

Y' all need to put your wedding pictures up.

[B]

Yeah, can we put our own pictures up?

[A]

Sure, sure.

[E]

We put yours up, too. I have no wedding pictures, Jen. And I never will.

[A]

Damn you for killing the bit, Melissa.

[E]

But they will figure out how long it'll last.

[B]

Hey, Jen, I don't know if you've caught on to this, but Melissa's a lesbian.

[E]

I didn't mean wedding pictures. I just made pictures of you and Katie Jo. And the Georgia legislature just doesn't like me.

[B]

Yeah. You know what? I'll tell you what. You don't have to put your picture up if you can accurately tell me what Edward Lee White did.

[E]

Oh, well, he's got three names.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Oh, he killed somebody.

[E]

I think he is like, an animal serial killer. Like, he's not quite up to humans. I'm going with statutory rape.

[A]

He put a screwdriver right between somebody's eyes.

[B]

He was busted for violating his probation and carrying a weapon.

[A]

Screwdriver.

[B]

That's where we're gonna put you up. It's gonna be you with Edward Lee White. We'll see how long the Two of you last.

[A]

We'll Photoshop you guys together.

[B]

You know what we need to do? We need to put a picture up there. Bert will put you and Stacey, of course. Jen, you and Ryan, me and Jessica. But then I think Bert and I each need to put our picture up.

[E]

With Melissa and see who lasts longer.

[B]

And we have to see which who is gonna have a longer relationship. Melissa and I are. Jessica and I. Shannon, good morning.

[A]

You're on all the hits. Q100.

[E]

That's great.

[C]

Good morning.

[A]

Hey.

[C]

Televisionwithoutpity.com and what is that? They basically do recaps of television shows, but they are hilarious. And what's really sad is I actually watch the shows and then still read the recaps just to get their.

[A]

Oh, that would be fun.

[C]

Take on it. They also have, like, a little store where they do T shirts and stuff that have, like, really oblique references to shows, just completely random.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

There is some tabloid website that Jessica.

[C]

Has.

[B]

That I'm instant messaging her right now to see if she'll send it back to me. But it's a tabloid website where basically they read all of the tabloids, summarize the stories, and post them all online.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

So you don't have to go out and buy all the tabloids, but it's like everything that's in the Inquiry or Inquirer, Us Weekly, or whatever.

[A]

We'll have all these websites up online at all the hits. Q100.com here, Bircha, I feel. And Melissa.

[B]

Ready to go? Yep.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Ready?

[B]

Yes, sir. It's Phil on the red one. Melissa and a white one. You can understand why I chose them that way.

[A]

They're both red to me.

[B]

They are. Yep. Yes. Phil is on the red one, and Melissa is on the other red one.

[A]

Melissa.

[B]

Phil.

[D]

No, this is Phil.

[C]

Hi.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

Hold on one second. Melissa.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

How are you?

[D]

I'm good.

[C]

Happy Pride, everybody.

[A]

Oh, thank you. Thank you. The million ways to celebrate in the city this weekend.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I mean, Pride officially kicks off tomorrow in Piedmont park, but of course, we are at Piedmont park outside of Park Tavern. We decided to celebrate Pride a little early and have Phil kind of be, I don't know, the prize.

[A]

It's tradition now on the Birth show. And I think, again, this is a game that women certainly did not play when you guys were kids. This was strictly a dude thing, smear the queer. And at the time, we didn't realize how politically incorrect it was. We didn't even know, really. I don't think what it meant. It just was it rhymed. Yeah.

[B]

It certainly wasn't malicious. It was just, you know, smear the queer was. Queer meant odd or different or whatever. So that's why we, you know, played it as a kid. But then when you as you become an adult and you realize that, you know, queer is a often used derogatory term for gay people, we're like, that ain't fair. Actually, Melissa probably said that the loudest. She's like that. That ain'.

[E]

How come real country?

[C]

I'm being Southern. I said, ain't, you know, yeah, that ain't fair.

[D]

What are we gonna do?

[B]

And Melissa goes, yeah. Why has it got to be smeared the queer? Why's the queers gotta be smeared? And Tracy was in the room, who loves alliteration, goes, well, why don't we just smear the straight?

[A]

See, it's payback time.

[B]

And then Phil's torture was born.

[C]

Exactly. And so that's what we do every year. Like Bert said, it's a tradition. And so to help kick off pride here on the Bert show, we play Smear the Straight. And Phil Turana is our straight guy. And, you know, every year we seem to have different sports represented. And, you know, in years past, we've had like, for instance, the Atlanta Bucks, who's the rugby team. This year we have representation from ADDA Tennis, which is the gay tennis league in town. And here is Mike Horton, who is going to represent Ada. And I'll put them on with you.

[A]

Okay? What was his name?

[E]

Mike.

[D]

Hey, what's up, guys?

[A]

Is it Mike?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

How are you?

[D]

I'm well, thanks. How are you?

[A]

Now, I just want to say, Mike, I mean, like last year we had the football players out there, we've had rugby players out there. I got to be honest with you, when I hear a guy playing tennis is going to be doing the tackling today, I'm not too intimidated.

[D]

Yeah, well, I just did. Let's see, I did chess yesterday at the gym, and I did 265 for four reps. So, you know, if you don't think tennis players can be a little big too, it's.

[A]

Get it, brother, get it. Are you on the juice?

[D]

You know, come on down and we'll tackle you, too.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[D]

I even brought my racket. So, you know, it's birthday's making an order for Phil, I guess.

[B]

He clearly is, considering the aggression that we're seeing.

[D]

You know, tennis players are often overlooked. And I mean, you know, it's. We gave the world Martina, you know, so what, you know, I'm a little.

[A]

Too small to be participating in this game. You wouldn't have any fun with me.

[D]

Well, you know, whether you're small or.

[C]

Not, you know, just come out here.

[D]

And if you now run us, well, that's good for you, and if not, that's bad for you. So.

[B]

You said you brought your racket. Do you have your balls?

[D]

Of course I have my balls.

[B]

All right, great.

[D]

I have my balls all the time and even have an additional bucket. You know, I've got the pin, Ocean Court. I've got Wilson. Which ones do you want? Dunlop? I mean, we can go expensive, we can go cheap. Target one.

[A]

Well, we can't see them, but if you could just show Phil your balls real quick just to confirm that you brought them with you.

[D]

Yeah, I'll actually walk over here and show him and see what his reaction is.

[A]

He's scared of your balls. Yeah, I don't doubt it.

[B]

You should, if you get a chance, using your racket, or you don't have to use your racket, but you should try to hit Phil in the face with your balls.

[D]

Hit? Fill him in the face with my balls?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Nah, he would enjoy that way too much.

[E]

Thanks for coming out there, Mike.

[A]

We appreciate it, man.

[D]

All right, thanks. I'll get you back over.

[B]

You remember when we used to interview. What was his name? The tennis player from Georgia? He used to be out with us all the time. Yeah.

[E]

Oh, he dated Mandy Moore.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

No, that was Andy Roddick.

[C]

No.

[E]

Andy Roddick's friend.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Brian.

[A]

Brian. Not Ginepre, dude.

[B]

Who?

[A]

No, not Robbie Ginepre.

[D]

No.

[B]

Brian.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Vivaldi. Viver.

[E]

Viver Vandekamp.

[B]

Brie Vanderkamp.

[A]

I can't believe we can't remember his name.

[E]

What is it?

[B]

Yes. Thank you.

[A]

Thank you, Jen.

[B]

I don't know why that escaped me, but anyways, so we used to talk to Brian Vahely, and we'd have him on, and I could never think of a tennis joke. And I realized the reason there are no tennis jokes is because tennis people are way too aggressive and not funny.

[A]

That guy was ready to kick my ass, man.

[E]

Hey, he was bowing up to you, Bert. He was.

[A]

Man, you would come down here, I bet265.5 times yesterday I kicked your ass.

[C]

Well, he also brought his tennis racket. I'm not sure what he's going to do with it, but he's gonna spank Phil. He's got his racket for, I guess, Phil's birthday today, so he gets a little spanking also. I do Want to mention that for the first time this year, we actually have spectators.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

So, yeah, so we have Claire and Lauren and Holly and. No, there's a he. No, there's a guy trying to be a spectator and he's too broad and big and muscular. He's got to come out and.

[B]

But yeah, well, maybe he can.

[C]

People watching Phil get his butt kicked.

[B]

Maybe instead of being a spectator that the guy who's hanging out, who's feeling a little uncomfortable, can just hold the other guy's balls in his racket.

[C]

If there were crickets out here at Piedmont park right now.

[A]

Do you know how many requests got from virtual listeners yesterday that want that as their ringtone Now?

[B]

Did you get my David Hasselhoff?

[A]

Yeah, the David Hasselhoff. And also this.

[C]

What's up?

[E]

Oh, funny.

[A]

Okay, Melissa, why don't. Is Phil still on the phone?

[C]

Yeah, he's in here.

[A]

All right, Phil, why don't you Happy birthday to me. Great way to celebrate. Why don't you explain to everybody exactly how Smear the Queer worked back in the day and how it's going to work here in a couple of seconds.

[D]

Well, basically back in the day, I mean, we all played this especially, you know, growing up, all the boys in the neighborhood would get together and, you know, playing impromptu game of football or whatever. And then it turned into a game of Smear the Queer. You'd have one ball and you'd have. Everybody would kind of circle up and surround and huddle up and you'd throw the ball in the air and whoever caught the ball was the quote unquote queer. And you'd run and basically just get tackled and thrown to the ground and then picked back up. And then the ball would be thrown back up in the air. Whoever caught it again would run, tackled and just keep going until either a somebody got hurt or somebody got called in for dinner. So that's basically how Smear the Queer works. So what we're doing today is just doing a twist on it and I'm going to have the ball thrown to me and I'm going to have the brother, large gay men chase me down and tackle me.

[B]

Well, it's not like that hasn't happened before.

[D]

Happens every year around this time. Neat.

[A]

We call it Smear the Straight. And Melissa Carter is down there to give us play by play. Now, last year we had elite athletes that were running towards Phil. So we gave him a 10 second head start. I think. I think five seconds is fine this year.

[C]

Yeah, I do too. I think that you know, Phil's in better shape, actually, because, you know, he was, you know, shirtless on the web and he worked out and he's doing all this stuff, so he doesn't need a 10 second lead. I mean, he's. He's, you know, come on. He's the athlete this time, so he only needs five seconds.

[B]

Are we going to call it the play by play or the play by guy?

[A]

Well, you're on a roll today, dude.

[C]

Hang on, let me get. Right now. Has a pair of black shorts on and a. A yellow sweatshirt. But he's best take his sweatshirt off because every year he always has to have an outfit on that's gonna kind of, I don't know, instigate anger in the gay people. So this. So this year he just took. Now he just took his sweatshirt off, and now he's got a T shirt on that says, yum, yum. Get you some. That is handwritten on the T shirt. He's got four pink lays around his neck. And then he's got. Why do you call that?

[D]

That's right, baby.

[C]

A red lingerie blouse with fur cuffs. And then he's got a hot pink hat with pearl beads hanging off of it.

[B]

So he's just.

[C]

I guess it's his attempt at being a camp drag queen, but it's not working too well.

[B]

So he's just wearing what he wears up to Wild Bills on Friday night or Thursday night.

[C]

Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Sounds like he's going to a Buffett concert to me. All right, let's go ahead and do this. Melissa, you give the countdown, and at this point, it's all yours and Phil's.

[C]

Okay. All right, well, we have, like I said, the added tennis guys, and then we have our buddy Yogi, who is also here. And Yogi is. So he's here. Ready. And Phil's got the football in hand. That's what we brought to toss. So I will. I guess I will toss Phil his football. He'll give me your ball. Thank you. That's the last time you'll ever hear those words. And then. So, guys, are you all ready? Hey, Yogi, are you ready to finish it? Okay, you ready?

[D]

You're really gonna run with the tennis racket?

[C]

Holy geez.

[D]

We got another person playing now, too. Now we got three.

[A]

I was worried about so much darn fun.

[B]

I wouldn't worry about him.

[C]

What's going on now is some of the spectators that were here decided they want to be a part of it. So they're in line. Yeah, we've got several guys here in these. You know how when you're running track and then you kind of bend your knees and you lean forward like you're about to, waiting for the gun to go off? That's what these guys are doing.

[A]

Now be sure.

[B]

Oh, that guy holding onto that tennis racket, he shouldn't be leaning forward. Tell Phil that.

[A]

Be sure.

[C]

You know what?

[E]

He.

[C]

He can handle his tennis rack. Okay, hold on.

[A]

Melissa, remind Phil that the way that Smear the Queer used to work was as soon as you got tackled, you basically tossed the ball to somebody else and the game continued within a split second. So since he is not actually tossing the ball to anybody else, as soon as he's tackled, he's got to get up and start running again, and they got to tackle him again.

[C]

Let me explain it to the guys who didn't hear that. Hey, guys. Now, the way, of course, the old game works is you toss, but we toss the ball to Phil. You tackle him, and then he would toss the ball to someone else, and you tackle them. So Phil's the only one being tackled. As soon as you tackle him, he gets stopped, runs again, you tackle him again. It's a non stop game. It's near the street.

[D]

I'm running. No, hell no. I'm not stopping. You catch me off.

[C]

All right, Phil. All right, Phil, you ready?

[D]

Y' all ready?

[A]

Good luck and Godspeed.

[D]

I almost pulled my birthday veto today. I swear to God. I went back and forth with Jeff to see if I could pull my veto and get you down here to do it this year.

[C]

I think you're just. I think you're just delaying the inevitable. Phil, how about you just stop your jawing and get ready to get smeared?

[A]

Yeah. Shut your pants.

[C]

So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give Phil the ball and he's gonna get a five second lead. And then I'm. As the cue for you guys is the phrase that's on his T shirt, which I'll yell is when you're ready to start. So, Phil, 1, 2, 3, go.

[D]

I'm running, I'm running. Here we go.

[C]

And guys, yum, yum. Get you some. Go get him.

[D]

Oh, hell.

[C]

Oh, hell.

[D]

Oh, hell. Let me describe what I'm. Oh, God. Are you. Oh, Jesus. Oh, this dude is on me. Oh, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it. Oh, God.

[C]

Oh, God.

[D]

Here he goes. Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

[C]

He lost his hat in the process, and now he's getting birthday spankings from all the guys.

[D]

Get the hell off of me. Wait a minute.

[C]

Y' all still there?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So now the out of Tennis league is using their rackets to give him a birthday spanking.

[A]

What did he say?

[C]

Okay, here we go.

[D]

Let me do it again. Somebody throw the ball to me.

[C]

One more time.

[D]

One more time.

[B]

You sure you want to be running around Piedmont park and Pride weekend saying.

[A]

Give me a ball one more time.

[E]

Yum, yum. Get you some.

[C]

Oh, there they go.

[D]

Oh.

[C]

Swear to God, Yogi.

[D]

I'm kidding. Oh, crap.

[C]

Holy hell. And Yogi. Yeah. Straight man down. Straighten him down.

[A]

So they're the official kickoff. The official kickoff. Atlanta Pride Week.

[E]

Happy Pride.

[A]

Happy Pride.

[E]

Happy Pride.

[A]

Everybody be sure Yogi goes easy on him, because Yogi's like a big guy, and he's one of those dudes that doesn't realize how big he is. So when he slaps you on the back or he shakes your hand, you can lose a spleen or crush a couple of fingers.

[C]

So Yogi hates when I call him this, but he's like Mr. Clean. I mean, he's like a Mr. Clean guy.

[A]

Well, I tell people he's like, he's the character and of Mice and Men. He just doesn't realize how big he is and how strong he is. I will bring Phil home and I will pet him and I will make him mine.

[D]

This game is officially retired and dies.

[A]

Nice job, Phil.

[E]

Happy birthday, Phil.

[C]

Happy birthday.

[A]

You're on the Bert Show.

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