Full Show PT 2: Wednesday, December 10 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show [Vault]: Full Show PT 2 – Wednesday, December 10, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode delivers The Bert Show's signature blend of honest conversation, empathy, and sharp-witted humor. The show is divided into two primary segments:

• A deeply personal call from a listener, Mandy, exploring the emotional fallout of nearly having an affair at a work conference.
• A lively roundtable about "socially acceptable rudeness" that listeners face in everyday life, from remarks about diet to intrusive questions about pregnancy and relationships. The tone is candid, sometimes playful, and often direct, focusing on real-life dilemmas and social observations.

---

Segment 1: Mandy's Dilemma – The Near Affair (01:36–15:02)

1. Mandy’s Confession and Context (01:36–03:47)

• Mandy shares her story: married for 10 years with a child, she feels attracted to a co-worker at a conference and, after drinking, ends up talking to him for hours.
• Initial conversations are innocent, covering movies and work. However, under the influence, they talk about sex (03:38).
• Mandy apologizes the next day, still embarrassed, and receives reassurance from the coworker.

Mandy (03:38): “Well, we just got to talking about sex.” Jen (03:46): “But nothing happened physically?”

2. The Hotel Room Incident (04:05–06:14)

• At another party, after dancing together, Mandy accepts the coworker’s invitation to his hotel room. She is now sober and intentionally goes up.
• They kiss briefly before his roommate interrupts. Mandy stops things from escalating further, feeling unsettled by his persistence.

Mandy (05:02): “We just...we kissed for a little bit, and then his roommate came in, thank God. But he was really persistent about taking it further. It just was really bugging me.”

• The Bert Show crew challenges Mandy’s expectations about the encounter, explaining how her actions might be interpreted by the coworker.

Bird (05:24): “You know why that is, don’t you? Because he's a guy and you appeared to be easy.”

3. Aftermath and Mandy’s Emotional Struggle (06:14–09:16)

• The next day, the coworker is distant, which hurts Mandy’s feelings. She’s not considering telling her husband but wants an apology from the coworker for how things ended.
• The hosts express skepticism and push Mandy to reflect on her own choices and motivations.

Jen (07:13): “First of all, you’re married... your ego is so bruised and now you demand an apology from him when you shouldn’t have been doing anything that you did in the first place.”

• Mandy struggles with feelings of shame, regret, and a desire for closure, leading the hosts to analyze her reasoning and hold her accountable.

Bird (07:37): “So your question, being a new cheater, is: is there a rule of etiquette? Like, once this occurs, does he owe you an explanation or an apology?”

4. Audience and Crew Weigh In (09:36–12:33)

• The show takes calls from listeners, who are blunt in their criticism:
  • Liz: Mandy is “starving for attention. She’s pathetic.”
  • Todd: Mandy owes her husband an apology for emotional and physical infidelity.
• Jen and Jeff provide tough love, urging her to focus on her marriage rather than the coworker.

Jeff (12:00): “I don’t think that the co-worker... you should ever speak to him again. I think you drop him like a bad habit and you sit down and have a heart to heart with your husband.” Jen (12:32): “You’re putting too much importance on this man. It is feelings about your husband that is bothering you, not feelings about this guy.”

5. Resolution – Hard Truths and Advice (12:33–15:02)

• The consensus is clear: Mandy needs to address the issues in her marriage, not seek closure with the coworker. She is gently admonished to move on, be honest with her husband (if appropriate), and seek support.
• The segment wraps with a reflection on what constitutes cheating or an affair—whether emotional or physical—and whether Mandy’s actions rise to that level.

Jen (13:17): “Turn the tables. If your husband came to you and said, ‘Well, first of all, she kissed me, but I kissed her for about five minutes and I just need closure...’ I don’t think you would be very happy about that.” Jeff (14:38): “Is that adultery definition? Oh, absolutely, it’s adultery. But an affair to me is having feelings and emotions for a person in an ongoing relationship behind your partner’s back.”

---

Segment 2: Socially Acceptable Rudeness (17:51–24:36)

1. Diets and Lifestyle Shaming (17:51–18:30)

• Discussion opens with frustrations about people evangelizing extreme diets (e.g., low-carb, vegetarianism).
• Melissa talks about people pushing alcohol on her despite her medical issues—a microcosm of broader social pressure.

Melissa (18:30): "There are people that choose not to drink because they don't want to drink, and that should be okay...I think it's incredibly rude for people to associate drinking with how fun a person is and can be."

2. Pregnancy and Relationship Intrusions (19:01–21:48)

• Listeners call in about strangers touching pregnant women’s bellies and making unsolicited comments.
• Couples living together or married face endless questions: “When are you getting married?” “When are you having kids?”

Amanda (19:59): “Never fails...we sit down to eat dinner or we go out with friends, and they're like, ‘So when are you getting married?’” Sherry (21:01): "People constantly going, 'You gotta have a son. When are you gonna try for the boy?' Like it's a holy Grail or something."

• Jen points out the endless cycle of social pressure at every stage of life.

Jen (20:37): "If you're dating, they want you to get married. If you're married, they want you to have one kid. If you got one kid, they want you to have two..."

3. Body Comments and Double Standards (21:49–23:39)

• Callers highlight other rude comments: judging pregnant women’s weight, skinny-shaming, and gym rats commenting on people’s bodies.

Michelle (22:51): “It's absolutely not acceptable to make fun of someone...because they're overweight. But it's okay to say, 'Oh, you're just too skinny, you need to eat.'”

• The double standard about what’s considered “acceptable” to say cuts across weight and lifestyle.

4. Intrusive Personal Questions – Sexuality & Privacy (23:39–24:36)

• Phyllis calls out people who, upon learning she’s a lesbian, immediately ask intrusive questions about her sex life.

Phyllis (23:42): “But why is it when you tell somebody you’re a lesbian, they immediately think that it's okay to discuss your sex life?” Jen (23:56): “It's rude to ask anyone who is gay what they do in bed.”

• The segment closes with a comedic suggestion from Bird—handing out "gay brochures" to relieve curiosity.

---

Segment 3: The Phone Scam – "Fraud Department" Prank (24:46–30:08)

1. The Setup (24:46–26:00)

• Bird calls “Mary” with an elaborate ruse: pretending to be from her phone company’s fraud department, claiming her calls to an ex-boyfriend have raised flags.
• Bird further claims to have “listened to” her calls as part of the investigation.

2. Escalation and Reveal (26:00–30:08)

• The call turns increasingly invasive, with Bird referencing personal details and suggesting her family talks about her breakup.
• Mary grows panicked and angry, threatening legal action.
• Bird finally reveals it’s a prank for the show, much to Mary’s (and listeners’) relief.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bird (05:24): “Because he's a guy and you appeared to be easy.”
• Jen (07:13): “Why your ego is so bruised… when you shouldn’t have been doing anything that you did in the first place.”
• Liz, Caller (09:39): “This poor woman is absolutely starving for attention. She’s pathetic.”
• Jeff (12:00): “Drop him like a bad habit…sit down and have a heart to heart with your husband.”
• Amanda, Caller (19:59): “Never fails...they’re like, ‘So when are you getting married?’”
• Phyllis, Caller (23:42): “But why is it when you tell somebody you’re a lesbian, they immediately think that it's okay to discuss your sex life?”

---

Timestamps for Major Segments

• 01:36 – Mandy's Confession and Story
• 03:38 – Explicit Conversation at Conference
• 05:02 – Hotel Room Incident
• 06:14 – Emotional Fallout and the Desire for Closure
• 09:36 – Listener Feedback on Mandy's Dilemma
• 12:00 – Show's Advice: Fix the Marriage
• 13:17 – Turning the Tables: What If Husband Did This?
• 14:38 – What Counts as Cheating or Adultery?
• 17:51 – Socially Acceptable Rudeness (Diets, Drinking)
• 19:01 – Pregnancy/Relationship Prodding
• 21:49 – Body Comments and Gym Culture
• 23:39 – Intrusive Questions About Sexuality
• 24:46 – The Phone Scam Prank

---

Episode Tone & Dynamics

The Bert Show remains true to its reputation—funny and real, but not afraid to dig deep. Hosts and callers alike are blunt but often insightful, lending both entertainment and genuine wisdom to tricky personal and social situations. The use of humor, "tough love," and commiseration brings levity to serious topics, making the episode engaging and resonant even for first-time listeners.

Transcript

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[Bert]

Purch the bird show.

[Mandy]

All right.

[Jeff]

Is voice disguise wrong?

[Show Host]

Yeah.

[Bert]

She sounds like an electric guitar.

[Jeff]

Good morning. Hey, Mandy.

[Mandy]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

How are you today?

[Mandy]

I'm doing pretty good.

[Advertisement Voice]

How are you?

[Jeff]

Good. Birch show. Mandy joins us because she is in a bit of a predicament here and she's not exactly sure how to handle it. All right, now that's your introduction.

[Mandy]

Okay. Do you want the 30 seconds?

[Jen]

No, give us the goods. Get it on.

[Mandy]

Leading it up to it.

[Jim]

Why don't you set 30 seconds is a goal for yourself and then you'll probably wrap it up three minutes. It'll be fine.

[Mandy]

Anyway. Well, I'm married, been married 10 years and have a child and I work for a long, you know, a large company and there's a guy that works in another market for our company that I just thought was really cute. Kind of admired him from afar. And then.

At a company conference a couple weeks ago, I had some liquid courage and struck up a conversation with them. And we talked for some several hours and got along really well. Just, you know, talking about tv, movies and work and just, you know, basic stuff. Nothing big.

[Show Host]

So.

[Mandy]

And then I called his room, when I got back to my room, because I was pretty out of control as far as being intoxicated or whatever. So I just called and kind of told him that, you know, I think I made a wrong impression of who I really am, and I felt really bad, and I was embarrassed, and he was really sweet about it and said, you know, no big deal. You're fine. We think you're really cool. And, you know, don't worry about it. You know, everything that was said in this room will stay here. Don't worry about a thing. So the next morning, we were in the same meeting because our bosses report to the same guy, and I couldn't even look at him. I was still embarrassed because there were a bunch of us in his hotel room.

[Bert]

Why are you embarrassed? Why did you apologize?

[Jeff]

What'd you do?

[Mandy]

Well, we were just got got to talking about sex.

[Jeff]

You were talking about sex?

[Mandy]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

All right.

[Mandy]

Just talking about it. But there was a bunch of people.

[Bert]

In there, but nothing happened physically.

[Mandy]

Nothing happened that night at all, so.

[Bert]

And when you apologize, you were still drunk?

[Mandy]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert]

Because I. I think those are the funniest or sometimes most irritating apologies to somebody. Look, man, I'm. You don't understand.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Is that the only thing that happened between you and dude? Okay. All right, let's go.

[Mandy]

So the next morning, I was still embarrassed, so I couldn't even look at him. And, you know, he spoke to me, and I was just, like, looking at the floor and said hi, and went on. And then later that night, we had another company party, and I ran into him in the hallway, and then I was like, you know, I'm kind of sorry I didn't really talk to you today. I'm just still trying to get past last night and all this stuff. So he still, you know, reassured me everything was fine, and, you know, no big deal. Forget about it. Had a group pug, you know, went on. Then he proceeds to get really drunk that night, and we danced and just had a really good time and all this stuff. So then he said everybody was going back to his room and come on up. So I went up there with Him. Well, nobody was showing up. The two of us.

[Jeff]

Are you sober? At this point?

[Mandy]

I am.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Mandy]

One part that bugs me, because I was sober and totally knew what I was getting into. But we just. We kissed for a little bit, and then his roommate came in, thank God. But he was really persistent about taking it further. It just was really bugging me.

[Jim]

You know why that is, don't you?

[Mandy]

Say what?

[Jim]

You know why that is, don't you? Because he's a guy and you appeared to be easy.

[Mandy]

I know.

[Jeff]

And you're up in his hotel room.

[Bert]

And you had just talked, obviously, explicitly about sex the night before.

[Jeff]

And you guys were alone.

[Mandy]

I cut it off. I was like, you guys are not gonna shut up about this. I'm leaving.

[Jeff]

Okay. But now let's take it from his perspective. Now you're up in his.

[Mandy]

That's why I called.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Mandy]

That's not me.

[Show Host]

Right.

[Mandy]

But. Yeah, but he obviously still.

[Jim]

Let me tell you what happens when a guy gets a phone. No matter what you say, if a guy's out in a hotel room, like on a road trip or whatever, and a woman who's been talking about sex with him all night calls his hotel room, no matter what she says, he hears, God, she wants me. Enough of me.

[Jeff]

And then when you show up to his hotel room and it's only the two of you, and you're surprised by that, yet you still don't leave. He's thinking, all right, this is going somewhere.

[Jim]

Car's gone. Timing.

[Bert]

And then you start kissing on him, and then you wonder, oh, my. Why does he want to take it further?

[Show Host]

You didn't.

[Jim]

What do you mean? You didn't kiss him?

[Mandy]

I didn't initiate it.

[Jim]

But you still kissed him.

[Jeff]

All right, let's hear that. Go ahead. So you guys kiss?

[Mandy]

His roommate showed up, and I didn't want to make it obvious something was going on, so I talked to him for a minute, and then I bolted. And so the next day at lunch, you know, I saw him again, and I sat at his table and was talking to some other people, and he would not even look at me. I mean, totally blew me off. And so then I'm feeling completely foolish, and I kind of. What I'm struggling with here is not whether or not to tell my husband. I'm not telling my husband. This is not gonna happen again. But I wanna call and say, you know, I want an apology.

[Jen]

Why?

[Bert]

Well, first of all, you're married. I think that's an important key to the story.

[Mandy]

Yeah.

[Bert]

And he's married, so I mean, I don't understand why your ego is so bruised and now you need you to ban an apology from him when you shouldn't have been doing anything that you did in the first place.

[Jeff]

Yeah, this relationship's not going anywhere.

[Jim]

Right?

[Jeff]

This. So why just. Why don't you just let it go?

[Mandy]

I need to, but it's. I don't know. I can't get past it.

[Jim]

So your question being a new cheater, your question is, I'm not up to this. Your question is, is there a rule of etiquette? Like, once this occurs, does he owe you an explanation or an apology?

[Mandy]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Well, you know you're gonna get beat up here, right?

[Mandy]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Okay.

404, 741. 1005.

[Jim]

I don't think she's gonna get beat up.

[Bert]

I think it goes further with what Bert and Jeff were trying to say, like, for. I mean, from his perspective. You talk about sex explicitly one night. The next night, you go up to his room and you're kissing on him. Then you cut it off. I mean, what purpose does he have to strike up more conversation with you? Because obviously, you're not gonna follow through on what he thought you started initiating, so what kind of are you gonna. How can he. Do you honestly expect him to apologize to you? Cause what does he have to apologize for to me?

[Mandy]

For trying to talk me into neither one of us.

[Bert]

Oh, you're a grown woman. Come on, now.

[Mandy]

Yeah, but I feel like because I had my wits about me, that I prevented something a lot worse from happening.

[Jeff]

I still don't understand why he owes you an apology. I mean, you were doing the kissing.

[Mandy]

Also, but I was also saying a lot of no's.

[Jim]

But you still made out with him.

[Bert]

You're not 15. I mean, this is not 15 again. Well, that's your problem. The thing is, you're a grown woman. He kisses you, you kiss him back. I mean, the stupid thing about. Well, he's st. No, I started it. No, you kissed, okay? And you wanted to go further, but because you had your wits about you, you didn't. But, yeah, I'm with Burt. Why does he have to apologize?

[Jeff]

Yeah, I say let it go. I mean, no harm, no foul here. Just go.

[Jim]

What. What does your husband think you should do?

[Jeff]

Hey, Mandy, I'm gonna put you on hold, right? Because I can't put two people in the voice disguise at the same time. So hold on one sec. I'll take a couple calls, and I'll come back to you, all right? Okay, but I expect if I Have to make a prediction here. You're gonna get beat up pretty badly.

[Mandy]

Okay.

[Jeff]

All right, hold on.

[Commercial Announcer]

Hi, Liz.

[Jeff]

You're on all the hits Q100.

[Show Host]

This poor woman is absolutely starving for attention. She's pathetic. It looks like she's so bored with her life that she needs to stir up some attention for herself and make other people miserable like herself.

[Jeff]

It just makes. It makes absolutely no sense to me. I feel disrespected because of the way you talked to me and treated me, even though I just screwed around on my husband and you screwed around. I think different levels of disrespect.

[Bert]

Well, I think it's the complex issue. I think her and Jen both are hitting it on, talking about her need for attention, her guilt or whatever. And she's doing that female lukewarm thing where I'm not gonna commit to the affair, but I'm not gonna not try. So. And then I'm gonna do a little bit. So I'm not gonna, you know, make a decision one way or the other. And then when it doesn't go the way I want it to, then I'm gonna blame the other person for it because it's his fault.

[Jen]

Right.

[Bert]

You know, and. No, I mean, she put herself in that situation and the issues surround her and her husband, not her and this guy.

[Jeff]

Good morning. Journey.

[Show Host]

Yes.

[Jeff]

What a great name.

[Show Host]

Thank you.

[Jeff]

You're on all the hits Q100.

[Show Host]

All right. Thank you. I think she's a big idiot. I really do. Because first of all, okay, she's sitting there saying that she, you know, was interested in this guy. She got the nerve to finally talk to him. Talk to him for what? If she wasn't going to go all the way, you know, she had second thought or second. Or doubts about it after it started getting into it because her husband and her kids or whatever started flashing her head and stuff. So I think she's a big idiot. And this is how men or whatever, or women, some women who do like guys or whatever, they don't want to take that chance with some women or whatever because of women like her. She's just an idiot.

[Jeff]

Hey, Todd. You're on all the hits Q100.

[Show Host]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

As far as I'm concerned, she owes her husband apology. I mean, she wanted committed adultery first in her heart, and then she went through it with the kissing. So she owes her husband an apology. I don't see why she expects the guy to apologize. I mean, she's totally crazy.

[Jeff]

Let me get Mandy back on him. Hey, Mandy.

[Mandy]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

I told you, you're gonna get beat up here.

It doesn't make any sense to me why you need things to conclude okay with this guy.

[Mandy]

I think Jim hit the nail on the head. I think that if we just kind of just got it out in the open between the two of us and just said, you know, bring some closure to it, then I can just forget about it.

[Jeff]

You should be able to forget about it anyway.

[Show Host]

What do you mean?

[Mandy]

That's what it's bothering me.

[Bert]

What do you mean?

[Jen]

What do you mean? The two of us?

[Mandy]

You and who?

[Bert]

You and your co worker.

[Jen]

I don't think that the co worker you should ever speak to him ever again. I think you drop him like a bad habit and you sit down and have a heart to heart with your husband and let him know what's going on. I don't think that this is a bad enough situation that he would leave you. But I think that it brings up that there's trouble in your marriage. If you are getting excited by some random co worker at a convention. You can't be away from your husband for two days without getting too wasted talking about sex and kissing somebody else. Then there's issues in your marriage you guys need to uncover. And do it now before it turns into a full on affair with somebody else.

[Bert]

Because listen to yourself. You're talking about we've gotten it out in the open and we need closure. You sound like it's a relationship. That's not.

[Jeff]

Yeah, he was just looking at tapping.

[Bert]

He was just at a convention. He was gonna get lucky and get lucky.

[Jen]

I don't condone his behavior either. Cause you said he was married. I mean, I'm not saying that he needs to have the green light or whatever, just drop him like a bad habit. Cause it was a bad mistake, drop that. But you need to be honest in your marriage. Cause if your husband ever found out without you coming to and confessing it, then your marriage is over.

[Jeff]

Yeah, what's the old cliche that you go outside of your marriage to find things that you're not finding in it.

[Hers Weight Loss Rep]

Right.

[Bert]

And you're putting too much importance on this man. I mean this is. But listen, you're putting too much importance on this man. It is feelings about your husband that is bothering you, not feelings about this guy.

[Mandy]

Right.

[Bert]

And again, turn the tables. If your husband came to you and said, well, first of all she kissed me, but I kissed her for about five minutes and I just need closure on this. So that's why I keep contacting her. I don't Think you would be very happy about that.

[Mandy]

You're right.

[Bert]

And I know you're laughing about it, but this is serious.

[Jen]

We're just trying to be like a circle of girlfriends over.

[Mandy]

No, that's what I need because I can't talk about it to anybody.

[Jeff]

Giving you a little tough love.

[Mandy]

No, no, no, no.

[Jeff]

All right.

[Mandy]

Self loathe, huh?

[Bert]

Fix the marriage, though. A. Jen is right. This will happen again if you don't fix the marriage.

[Jeff]

Or you'll go and you'll find this guy again.

[Mandy]

No.

[Jeff]

You sure you don't want to call this guy back and make sure everything's okay just to find him one more time and then maybe continue this relationship?

[Mandy]

See, I did leave him alone.

[Jeff]

I think Jen's right. You gotta let this go.

[Mandy]

Yeah. Okay.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Mandy]

Thanks, guys.

[Jeff]

Thanks.

[Bert]

Bye.

[Show Host]

Bye.

[Mandy]

Bye.

[Jeff]

Crazy.

[Bert]

I just. I really. I don't understand how people have gotten to the point now where it's okay. I don't know. I mean, the whole issue should be the fact I had an affair.

[Jeff]

See, I think in a lot of people's minds right there, that I think a lot of people would say, she just kissed him. It's not an affair. Absolutely.

[Bert]

I don't care.

[Jen]

Some people would say that she made a grave mistake, but I don't think. I wouldn't consider it an affair. I think.

[Jeff]

Is that adultery?

[Bert]

I think the definition.

[Jen]

Oh, absolutely, it's adultery. But an affair to me is having feelings and emotions for a person in an ongoing relationship behind your partner's back. Like to me, that definition of affair.

[Jeff]

Well, this is really kind of what she's doing, though.

[Jen]

Yes. I mean, if.

[Show Host]

Yes.

[Jen]

I think an affair is worse.

It's hard to qualify the two because it's both horrible. But I think an affair would be much more devastating for a marriage.

[Jim]

The Bird Show.

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[Jim]

We're venting about these low carb Atkins freaks. You know, the people who preach, you know, they'll get, you know, the, the, the a two pound steak, but they won't touch a potato because, you know, whatever. And then they try to push that on everybody else. And then that expanded into the freakish vegetarians who do the same thing.

[Jen]

Very mean vegetarians.

[Jim]

Mean angry vegetarians. You know why they're angry? Because they don't eat meat.

[Jeff]

They're hungry.

[Jim]

I'd be angry too if the only thing I had was broccoli.

[Show Host]

Right.

[Jim]

So then Melissa started venting about the people who assume that it's okay to force booze on her because she, you know, with her bad kidneys, she's only allowed to have about a drink and a half a month.

[Bert]

Yeah. And I mean, not. I shouldn't even have that. I think the thing that frustrates me being a former drinker is that if somebody, and you know, I have a medical condition. But there are people that choose not to drink because they don't want to drink, and that should be okay. And I think that when I go out and socialize with My friends, even. There are some of my friends who give me a hard time about not drinking. And I just think it's incredibly rude for people to associate drinking with how fun a person is and can be.

[Jim]

Hey, Jessica, share with us your story of socially acceptable blatant rudeness.

[Show Host]

Rudeness is when you are pregnant, and just because you are, people feel that they can come and rub your stomach.

[Jen]

I haven't experienced that yet, but that is so true.

[Jim]

Just, oh, look at the babies in there. Put both the hands down the stomach.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Show Host]

And it's so annoying. Don't touch me.

[Jim]

I don't get, like, I think I'm gonna have a problem with this, but, like, you know how you have a baby that's in stroller or whatever, and you're walking through, you know, whatever mall you're walking through, and there's, you know, the baby's being pushed in the stroller, and strangers come up and go, oh, look at the baby. And stick their dirty old paws in the stroller. Like, you know what? Like, the baby's gonna grab onto that finger, and, you know, the hand's gonna end up in the baby's mouth. That's nasty. Thanks for the call, Josh.

[Jen]

We used to always get it when Ryan and I dated for probably five and a half years before we even got engaged. Almost seven when we got married. So before we got engaged, it was, when are you gonna get married? When are you gonna get married? Why aren't you guys getting married?

[Jim]

Amanda's 100% with you on that.

[Show Host]

Yeah, that's the one that drives me crazy. My boyfriend and I have been together for. Lived together three and a half years and never fails. We sit down to eat dinner or we go out with friends, and they're like, so, when are you getting married? I'm sitting there going, okay, we both firmly believe in not screwing up a good thing. Back off.

[Jim]

Right?

[Show Host]

And it always turns into some huge, well, you know, you want to have kids and blah, blah, blah. And you're sitting there going, no, we don't. We're perfectly happy with what we've got going on. Leave us alone.

[Bert]

Right? You know, Bert, go ahead. I'm sorry.

[Show Host]

No, I was just going to say, it always turns into a big ordeal. And I'm sitting there going, what business is it of yours, right?

[Bert]

Bert has made this comment several times. Because people are never satisfied. If you're dating, they want you to get married. If you're married, they want you to have one kid. If you got one kid, they want you to have Two. And in my case, once you're broken up, my. You know, people are pressuring me on when I'm going to have sex again. I mean, everybody wants you to do something different than what you're doing.

[Jim]

Hey, Sherry, you can relate to the kid thing.

[Show Host]

Oh, for sure. We have two beautiful daughters.

[Mandy]

They're both healthy, they're both wonderful people.

[Show Host]

And we have people constantly going, you.

[Mandy]

Got to have a son. When are you going to try for the boy?

[Show Host]

Are you going to try for the.

[Mandy]

Boy like it's a Holy Grail or something?

[Jen]

Like, if you don't have one, your life won't ever be fulfilled.

[Show Host]

Oh, I know. I'll be so incomplete.

Anyways, thanks.

[Jim]

Thanks for the call, Sherry. Hey, Maria.

[Show Host]

Hi. I have another pregnancy one.

[Jim]

Yeah, that's the running theme here is pregnant people.

[Show Host]

It is when you're pregnant, everybody all of a sudden thinks they can make jokes about how fat you are.

[Bert]

Really?

[Show Host]

I haven't seen you in a while. Look how fat you are. Look how.

Constantly making fun of everything you eat. Oh, there she is eating again.

[Bert]

Oh, that's not right. But I'll be sure to do that to Jen when she gets pregnant.

[Jeff]

Right?

[Jim]

Oh, look at her. She's obviously eating for two.

Hey, thanks for the call, Maria. J.R. you're up.

[Show Host]

Hey, man.

[Mandy]

The gym rat.

[Jim]

The muscle heads at.

[Mandy]

The gym who's always trying to get you into the gym. And I had one guy come out and tell me you really need to hit the gym. Like, I don't know that.

[Bert]

Yeah, and that's. You know, we talked about the Atkins diet, you know, and people who are really. Once they get into a routine, which is diet or exercise, and they're really disciplined, and then they get obsessed with it and it becomes overboard. And I agree with you. There's some people I've known that are just in the gym all the time, and it. Yeah, it kind of makes you uncomfortable after a while.

[Jim]

Christy, taking us back to the pregnant people.

[Show Host]

Hey, I've got one. When you're pregnant, no matter how pregnant you are, and people say, oh, my gosh, you look like you're about to bust.

[Jen]

And you're like, hello, I'm only five months long.

[Jim]

And then, see, then the opposite side of that with Michelle.

[Show Host]

Hi.

[Bert]

Hi, Michelle.

[Show Host]

My pet peeve is making comments to people that are a little bit on the thin side saying, oh, my God, you need to eat. You're so skinny. You make me sick.

[Jen]

I would say producer Tracy would probably try to chime in on that one.

[Jim]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Is this Michelle she's too skinny.

[Jim]

Or is this Tracy with a handkerchief over the phone?

[Show Host]

You know, it's absolutely not acceptable to make fun of someone to their face because they're overweight or a little bit large. But you know, it's okay to say, oh, you're just too skinny. You need to eat. And I would like to turn around and say, you know what? Your hips are getting on my nerves. Could you do something about that?

[Jen]

Right.

[Show Host]

But it's not acceptable to say it.

[Jim]

Yeah, your hips are getting on my nerves. God, I gotta. You know, I gotta be really honest with you. That spare tire of yours is bugging.

[Jeff]

The hell out of me.

[Mandy]

Hey, Phyllis, I know Melissa can relate to this, okay?

[Show Host]

But why is it when you tell somebody you're a lesbian, they immediately think that it's okay to discuss your sex life?

[Jen]

Agreed.

[Bert]

And that, I mean, I think that's. I'm feeling that a lot more lately than I have before. But yeah, I think for some reason they're fascinated by my personal.

[Show Host]

What do you do?

[Bert]

Exactly. What do two women do together? It's like, okay, what do you and your wife do in bed? Like. Yeah, exactly. That's true. It's rude. It's rude to ask anyone who is gay what they do in bed.

[Jim]

Hey, Phyllis, thank you so much for the call.

[Jen]

It may be fascinating. Just don't ask about it.

[Bert]

Yeah, because then you have to give up your every little detail of what you do.

[Jim]

Well, you gay people should put out brochures. Like, you should put up booths at fairs and stuff and get out. You know what?

[Bert]

The only person that needs my brochure on what to do is somebody I'm gonna sleep with so they know what they're doing. You don't need my brochure. You know what I mean?

[Jim]

There's the bitterness coming out. You ain't got nobody sleep since it's almost Valentine's Day.

[Show Host]

I haven't had sleep since Super Bowl.

[Bert]

People force me to try to drink.

[Jim]

A man the bird show.

[Mandy]

Hello?

[Jim]

Hi, I'm looking for Mary, please.

[Show Host]

Yeah, this is she. Who's this?

[Jim]

Hi, Mary, how are you?

[Show Host]

Good, how are you?

[Jim]

Good. My name is Jacob. I'm with Celery Homes Yard.

[Show Host]

Hi, how are you doing today?

[Jim]

Good. I'm calling you regarding your wireless phone.

[Mandy]

Uh huh.

[Jim]

Just want to let you know that is a customer service that we actually.

[Show Host]

You know what, I'm really. I'm really not interested in. Is this a promotion?

[Jim]

No, not at all. It's about your wireless phone service with us.

[Mandy]

Okay.

[Jim]

I just Want to let you know that we offer, like, a fraud protection. You know, kind of monitors phones in case they get stolen or misused. That happens a lot in the. In the wireless phone industry. So we've been monitoring your phone, and we saw some unusual activity. And I don't know how it happened, but your particular case came up on my computer two or three times. So I just want to talk to you about it real quick.

We noticed repeated phone calls to one number.

I guess this number is a boyfriend of yours. Because what we did is we listened to a few of the conversations.

So apparently this is like an ex boyfriend of yours, a guy named Glenn or something.

[Show Host]

You know what? I'm really confused here. I don't understand. Like, that's a little bit more information than. What's your name?

[Jim]

Are you. You're talking to a guy named Glenn, right? You used to date him for like a year and a half, and then you guys broke up just before the holidays. And you obviously want to get back together with him.

You know, am I right?

I just want to explain to you, like, I'm listening to the conversations that you have with him, and I'm about to freak out.

[Show Host]

I don't understand. I want to ask my lawyer if he could be a third party on this, because I don't understand how legal this is. Because you have more information, it seems, than you should have.

[Jim]

We were flagging the calls because there were so many of them to one number. And then, like I said, it just came off of my computer a couple of times. So I started listening in, and he's. I mean, he's so disrespectful to you.

[Show Host]

Oh, my God.

[Jim]

Oftentimes, after he talks to you, he calls another girl that he appears to be dating.

[Show Host]

Wait a minute, Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Are you. By law, you're not allowed to do this?

[Jim]

Well, I mean, the laws are gray. You know, it's under. I'm in the fraud department, so I've got a lot of leeway.

[Show Host]

You're in the fraud department? Are you a supervisor? Because if not, I want to speak to one.

[Jim]

I know you find some comfort in talking to your. Your sister. Is that Melanie?

[Show Host]

Wow.

[Jim]

Is that your sister?

[Show Host]

Yeah, but I don't know where the fraud comes in, because I'm starting real angry over here.

[Jim]

I just. Yeah. You know, you talk to your sister Melanie about, you know, the situation. And just so you know, often after you and her talk, she will call someone else. And I mean, at times, she's almost making fun of You.

[Show Host]

You know what? You better stop right there, because I'm about to call the police.

[Jim]

Do you have a history of dating guys that you know are no good for you?

[Show Host]

Oh, my God. This is so none of your business. Oh, my God. You should be listening in for, like, terrorist people. You should not be listening to me and my boy problems, because this is absolutely ridiculous.

[Jim]

I just want to give you a heads up that your mom.

[Show Host]

A heads up?

[Jim]

Your mom's.

[Show Host]

No, I don't want. I don't want. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No, no, no. You are so breaking the law, and I am so gonna see you in court.

[Jim]

Your mom is very concerned because she sees a pattern.

[Show Host]

I don't care. Oh, my God. I don't want to hear this.

[Jim]

All right, let me ask you a question. Can I ask you one more question? I've only known you over the phone for about two weeks.

[Show Host]

Two weeks. Oh, my God.

[Advertisement Voice]

Okay.

[Show Host]

You're so going to jail. You are so. I am canceling. Oh, my God. Well, just so you know, I'm canceling my Fitness Hour round.

[Jim]

May I ask you a question?

[Show Host]

If you don't ask me, you're already gonna hear this whole story without I tell it to somebody else. So go ahead. Maybe one of your friends are listening.

[Jim]

You and Glenn obviously broke up in December. Did you feel. When you did the drunk dialing, phone sex thing.

[Show Host]

Oh, my God.

[Jim]

Did you feel.

[Show Host]

Oh, yeah. I don't. You know what? I'm not answering that question. I'm not answering that question. I plead the Fifth. You are totally invading my life, and I'm so. Oh, my God. I'm so taking you to court right now because you're going to jail, mister. You are going to jail. You are so done. You are so done. You don't even know. You don't even know.

[Jim]

Can I tell you one other thing? You don't know who I am.

[Show Host]

No, but I'm gonna find out who you are. Am I gonna see our account I want canceled right now. Can you do that? Or can you transfer me over to the Secret Service?

[Jim]

I don't work for. I work for a radio station in Atlanta that your sister listens to, and she wanted me to phone scam you. The name of the radio station's all the hits. Q100. You're on the radio right now in Atlanta.

[Show Host]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I'm gonna kick her ass.

We will.

[Jim]

We will scam you.

[Jeff]

Hey, the Birch Show.

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[Show Host]

So good, so good, so good.

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[Jim]

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[Bert]

I'm giving all the gifts this year.

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