The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Friday, December 19 [Vault]

Date: December 19, 2025
Host: Jeff & The Bert Show Cast (Jen, Producer Tracy, Charlie, Phil Turano, Intern Jen)

Episode Overview

This episode delivers the classic Bert Show blend of real-life listener drama, the cast’s comedic takes on social quirks, and playful on-air dares. The show features a lively "Second Date Update" segment dissecting early dating etiquette, a hilarious group therapy riff on the never-ending battle for the car's front seat, and a playful fulfillment of a wager between cast members following a high school football rivalry. The show exhibits its trademark mix of honest conversation and infectious laughter, bringing listeners into their world for a morning pick-me-up.

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Second Date Update: A Matter of the Couch vs. the Bed

Timestamps: [01:25] to [17:58]

• Background: Chad calls in, puzzled as to why Charlie hasn't returned his calls after a seemingly perfect weekend together — set up by friends, a party, dinner, movie, and an unexpected overnight stay (she crashed on his couch).
• Chad’s Perspective:
  • Divorced, friends have been setting him up ([02:11])
  • He recaps the date—everything seemed great, including a friendly goodnight kiss.
  • After a late night, Charlie stays over but sleeps on the couch. Chad is confused by her subsequent silence.
• Studio Panel Theories:
  • Jen and Jeff wonder if "something weird" about Chad’s home might be the issue.
  • Craig (caller) theorizes it could be a matter of not expressing enough interest ([06:03]).
• Charlie’s Side:
  • Charlie joins the call, surprised to be on air ([06:56]).
  • She reveals her main issue: Chad didn’t offer her his bed, which she considers basic courtesy. “If I have guests, I always give up my bed…” ([08:13])
  • The studio splits: Jen and Jeff debate social norms—Jen finds sharing a guy’s bed gross; Jeff sides with Charlie that the offer, not the execution, matters ([09:34]).
  • Charlie clarifies: “It’s just the offer…I don’t know, maybe that’s just how I was raised, but…” ([10:36]).
• Other Red Flags:
  • Charlie also didn’t like that Chad let her pay the tip at dinner. Her expectation: if he truly wants to impress, he should have insisted on covering everything ([11:32]).
  • Cast members debate whether this is too harsh or just personal preference.
• Chad’s Response:
  • He worried that offering his bed might be too forward and didn’t want her to feel pressured ([14:11]).
  • Notes he’s faced criticism from women both for insisting on paying and for letting women contribute ([13:11]).
• Resolution:
  • After hashing it out, both agree they’d be open to a second date, with Charlie admitting she was perhaps too quick to judge: “Now that I hear him explain, makes sense to me. And I probably shouldn't have cut him off so quickly…” ([15:48])
  • Highlights the importance of clear communication and reconciling personal ‘deal breakers’ in early dating.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “I just thought it was impolite. And I just thought, you know how you meet people and they're just sort of, like, out for themselves first... maybe there were other hints throughout the night...” – Charlie ([10:49])
  • “I was kind of assuming that I was not going to, you know, try to get with you that night...if by offering you the bed, maybe you would think that I was pushing the limit.” – Chad ([14:11])
  • “Everybody's got signs, though...like, if the guy doesn't open your door for you, then he's probably not a guy you want to continue going out with.” – Jeff ([15:19])

2. Group Therapy: The Eternal Fight for "Shotgun"

Timestamps: [18:18] to [23:59]

• Jeff’s Story:
  • Witnesses two teenage brothers fighting over the front seat at Kroger's parking lot ([18:29]).
  • Studio unpacks the universal fight for "shotgun"—a facet of family and friend dynamics that spans childhood to adulthood.
• Cast & Audience Reflections:
  • Jen: “You're the favorite friend if you're next to the driver. The sucky friends get in the back seat.” ([20:01])
  • Callers and cast share tactics—fake car sickness, playing up height or health issues, and the ritual birthday “front seat” privilege ([21:18], [22:44]).
  • Makes light of adult politeness rituals (“No, you get the front seat…”), admitting that underlying these remains a childish glee at winning ([22:05]).
• Comedic Moments:
  • Hilarious escalation: Rock-paper-scissors, repeated challenges, and even jokingly calling “shotgun” when getting arrested ([23:56]).
• Notable Quotes:
  • “If you're 60 years old...you're still doing rock, paper, scissors to see who gets the front seat.” – Jeff ([23:23])

3. The Rivalry Bet: On-Air 10-Second Kiss

Timestamps: [24:02] to [32:43]

• Set Up:
  • High School Football bet: If Harrison Hoyas beat Wheeler, Intern Jen (Wheeler alum) must kiss Phil Turano (Harrison alum) for 10 seconds live on air ([24:24]).
• Recap of Game:
  • Harrison wins decisively ([25:09])
  • Playful banter about school pride, swag, and Phil’s loyalty to his side despite Jen's attempts to lure him over ([25:27]).
• The On-Air Kiss:
  • Logistics: Stopwatch out; strict rules—if the kiss breaks, clock resets ([27:28], [29:10]).
  • Butterflies, banter, technical delays (camera battery dies mid-kiss), but ultimately a successful, if awkward, “lip lock” ([30:01], [31:40]).
  • Studio reactions: Amusement, teasing, and mock concern—“Jen needs a pregnancy test!” ([32:29]).
• Notable Quotes:
  • “Go make it happen, boy. Get up in there.” – Jeff, encouraging Phil ([29:54])
  • “A little more sensual than I thought it was going to be. A little on the uncomfortable side of this thing.” – Jeff ([32:35])

Most Memorable Moments

• Charlie’s “Dealbreaker”: The surprising role that seemingly small acts of courtesy—or their omission—can play in dating outcomes.
  • “It’s just the offer…I don’t know, maybe that’s just how I was raised…” ([10:36])
• Annual Debate, Eternal Front Seat: Universality of “shotgun” drama, from siblings in grade school up to adults negotiating politeness on nights out.
• Public Payoff of a Wager: The escalating antics, nervous laughter, and group ribbing around the live 10-second kiss make for one of the most lighthearted segments—capturing the show's signature spontaneous fun.

Important Timestamps

• [01:25] – Start of Second Date Update
• [06:56] – Charlie joins the call
• [10:36] – Debate over “the offer” and personal standards
• [14:11] – Chad explains his reasoning
• [15:48] – Charlie’s reversal and openness to another date
• [18:18] – Shotgun battle segment begins
• [21:18], [22:44] – Listeners call in with their own shotgun wars
• [24:02] – Football bet setup; Phil and Jen relive their teams; parameters for the on-air kiss
• [27:28], [29:10], [31:40] – The live bet and subsequent antics

Summary Tone & Takeaway

The Bert Show keeps it playful, accessible, and honest—never shying away from poking fun at themselves or one another. They turn ordinary social scenarios (first dates, riding in cars, school pride) into opportunities for audience connection and laughter, making “listener drama” both relatable and jovial. The show demonstrates how even trivial customs reveal deeper expectations and quirks in relationships, all while keeping the morning upbeat and entertaining.

For new listeners:
Expect genuine, lighthearted conversation, real-life relationship debates, and an anything-goes energy—anchored by a cast that doesn’t take themselves too seriously but always brings listeners in on the fun.