Full Show PT 3: Monday, November 3 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Monday, November 3 [Vault]

Date: November 3, 2025
Host: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, & The Bert Show Cast
Producer: Pionaire Podcasting

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Episode Overview

This episode brings the signature Bert Show blend of real talk, relatable listener drama, comedy, and a peek behind the curtain at the hosts' lives. The main thread is a poignant relationship "closure call" between ex-couple Ben and Julie, with hosts mediating a raw, emotional exchange. Additional segments include quirky lottery antics, ethical debates about adulthood and teen social boundaries, and a heated conversation about parenting, birth control, and teen relationships. The tone is authentic, lightly irreverent, and often deeply empathetic.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Closure Call: Ben & Julie's Breakup

[01:13 – 20:43]

Background & Setup ([01:13 – 03:22])

• Ben previously called the show, seeking closure after a sudden breakup via letter from his girlfriend, Julie, last November.
• The relationship was long-distance (Atlanta–Chicago), with plans to close the gap.
• Julie abruptly ceased communication before mailing a succinct breakup letter, leaving Ben with unresolved questions.

The Confrontation ([03:32 – 19:16])

• Ben shares his mindset: "I'm kind of in an all business mindset right now. I just want to...find out what her mindset is." (C, [04:26])
• Julie joins and explains her side: the long-distance arrangement became overwhelming; she enjoyed a period without the stress of travel or logistical juggling.
• Julie admits she deliberately avoided a live conversation to stick to her decision, fearing Ben would try to talk her out of it. "If I was on the phone with him…he was probably gonna try to talk me into staying. And I didn't want him to do that." (F, [08:19])
• Ben expresses ongoing confusion: “I would never choose something over someone, especially when that someone was so, you know, special to me.” (C, [12:22])
• Julie denies another man was involved, attributing her decision to job stress and life changes. When pressed, she confesses she's currently seeing someone in Chicago ([18:12]).
• Emotional honesty peaks: “I love you, but I’m just not in love with you.” (F, [18:23])
• Ben, finally defeated, retorts: “I think she deserves a lesser man, and sounds like she’s got one, so that’s fine.” (C, [19:32])

Memorable Quotes:

• Ben: "Frustration." ([04:46])
• Julie: "It just seems like, you know, a bandaid that you just pull off really quick." ([12:54])
• Host (A): "That’s not closure." ([13:24])
• Julie: "I love you, but I'm just not in love with you." ([18:23])
• Ben: “...you owe me a reason why... why would you choose a thing over a person?” ([12:22])
• Host (E): “Do you think you handled it in the right way?” ([11:13])
• Julie: "Honestly, it was the right way for me.” ([11:17])
• Ben (closure): “I think she deserves a lesser man, and sounds like she's got one, so that's fine.” ([19:32])

Takeaway

The segment is as much about emotional honesty and differing emotional needs as it is about closure. The hosts challenge Julie, champion Ben, and openly debate what constitutes “real” closure in relationships.

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2. Mega Millions Dryer Challenge

[22:21 – 37:14]

Concept ([25:00 – 25:51])

• In a slapstick lottery bit, the crew attempts to “select” the Mega Millions numbers by putting Phil (Filterana) and 56 numbered ping pong balls into an industrial dryer.

Execution ([28:13 – 37:14])

• Phil tumbles in the dryer, pulling out numbers after each spin to determine the "Bert Show's official picks."
• Tracy narrates, monitoring Phil’s (increasingly battered) state as numbers are drawn: 11, 51, 42, 4, 17, Mega Ball 16 (after a failed first try at 47, outside the eligible range).
• Phil repeatedly complains: "My elbows are bleeding... I think my head's bleeding." ([37:11])
• The hosts riff endlessly, poking fun at Phil’s suffering and the absurdity of the bit.

Notable Quotes:

• Tracy: “He looks nauseous. His face is bright red. He can hardly breathe.” ([35:05])
• Phil: “I think my head’s bleeding… I’ve literally got my head in a box of Tide right now.” ([37:11])
• Host (A): “It’ll be worth it if there are 30 millionaires in Atlanta on Monday!” ([37:36])

Takeaway

Classic Bert Show: playful, masochistic morning-show humor with a surreal twist.

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3. 31-Year-Old Partying at Spring Break with Teens

[40:32 – 54:05]

Scenario ([40:32 – 41:44])

• Listener Catherine (voice disguised) admits she went to Spring Break with 16- and 17-year-old neighbors—not as a chaperone, but to relive the teenage party scene she never had.
• She justifies her presence: "I decided to go on spring break because I never went when I was that age. So, down partying it up." (D, [42:16])

Hosts’ Reactions ([43:05 – 53:45])

• The hosts toggle between incredulity and mockery, asking pointed questions about legality, social dynamics, and wisdom.
• Catherine boasts about fitting in, participating in a foam party, wet t-shirt contest, and making out with a college sophomore. She says, “I'm just hanging out with them, you know, there's nothing weird going on.” (D, [43:15])
• The panel debates double standards: Would it be “okay” if she were a man?
• Callers weigh in, with one quipping: “When you stop getting spring breaks from school, you should stop going on spring break.” (F, [51:09])

Memorable Quotes:

• Host (A): “Do your boobs look 31 or do they look 16?” ([47:31])
• Catherine: “Maybe they’re 25.” ([47:35])
• Host (E): "If it was a guy down there doing the same thing... we can't be easy on Catherine." ([50:34])
• Host (B): “We should think of you here in Atlanta like Andrew Young, Martin Luther King, and Catherine—making the world a better place for oppressed 16-year-old partiers!” ([53:45])

Takeaway

A squirmy, provocative, and comedic debate about boundaries, social acceptance, aging, and personal fulfillment.

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4. Should Mom Put Her 15-Year-Old Daughter on Birth Control?

[54:10 – 70:03]

The Situation ([54:18 – 56:23])

• Caller Sue is torn: Should she put her almost-16-year-old daughter (in a yearlong relationship) on birth control against her husband's strict wishes?
• Sue: “I want her to have a good life…there’s no room for a baby right now…problem is my husband…absolutely, unequivocally, no.” (D, [54:33–55:11])

Debate ([56:24 – 69:40])

• The team breaks it down: Is it ethical for a mom to go behind dad’s back? Does putting a daughter on birth control implicitly permit her to have sex?
• Jen: “At that stage... she’s making adult decisions and needs some adult guidance and help with that.” (E, [60:20])
• Hosts: Stress teamwork in marriage, urge Sue not to act secretly but to persist in discussion.
• Listeners call in: most support birth control, some worry about enabling behavior.
• “Bring [Dad] into a local health department and see all the children under 18 to 20 year olds pregnant…It’s not because we don’t know that they’re not doing it. It’s because parents aren’t allowing birth control.” ([62:13])

Notable Quotes:

• Sue: "I made a gynecologist appointment for my daughter and it’s tomorrow at 3. And, you know, in my mind, I’m doing this regardless." ([56:23])
• Host (A): "Parenting...it’s teamwork. You guys are a team." ([59:33])
• Jen: “Absolutely your daughter needs to be on birth control!” ([60:20])
• Host (A): “I don’t think it’s right that you make this decision by yourself…for your daughter without talking to your husband about it or doing this together.” ([59:33])
• Caller: “Sometimes dads don’t have that objective opinion about their daughters.” ([64:30])
• Host (A): “We’ll be strong at first...but, you know, it’s just a matter of you chipping away and chipping away and chipping away.” ([69:24])

Takeaway

A frank, sometimes humorous examination of modern parenting, trust, and the complexities of co-parenting through tough adolescent milestones.

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Timestamps for Key Sections

| Time | Section | |----------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:13 – 20:43 | Closure Call: Ben & Julie’s Breakup | | 22:21 – 37:14 | Lottery Dryer Challenge | | 40:32 – 54:05 | Spring Break at 31: An Ethical & Social Debate | | 54:10 – 70:03 | Birth Control & Teen Parenting: Sue’s Dilemma |

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Tone & Style

Casual, candid, sometimes brutally honest, peppered with humor and empathic curiosity. The hosts are unafraid to ask tough questions, gently roast each other and callers, and create room for both levity and real emotion.

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Summary

This episode showcases the Bert Show’s range: facilitating cathartic, sometimes uncomfortable closure; orchestrating over-the-top comedic bits; openly dissecting thorny moral/parenting issues; and giving voice to listener dilemmas that resonate well beyond the studio. It’s both an emotional and comedic rollercoaster, grounded by the authenticity of the dialogue and the diversity of perspectives shared.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

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You look the same.

[C]

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[A]

You haven't changed your hair in 15 years. Selfies.

[D]

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[A]

Get the new iPhone 17 Pro.

[E]

Designed to be the most powerful iPhone ever.

[D]

Plus a new iPad and Apple One.

[A]

No trade in needed. Offer ends November 5th with a new line on Unlimited Ultimate Best 5G Tours. Route Metrics Data, United States, 2020, 25. All rights reserved. Additional terms apply for all offers. See verizon.com for details. Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Now through November 4th. Shop the annual beauty event and save $5 when you spend $25 on select beauty products. Shop in store or online for items like Dove Body Wash, Native Body Wash, Cetaphil gentle skin cleanser, Dr. Squatch body wash, Neutrogena Hydro Boost Water Gel, Dial Liquid Hand Soap and Olay Body wash. And save $5 when you spend $25 or more. Offer ends November 4th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details. You're on the Burt Show. All right, the first Burt show closure call. If you weren't listening, was it yesterday when we talked to Ben? Yes, it was yesterday. We talked to Ben.

[B]

God, your memory's going, dude, you are getting old.

[A]

Started going, like in 1988, dude, we extended the invitation to you guys. If you have been broken up with and you don't feel like you still got closure on that situation, in order to move on, you gotta find out why the breakup happened in the first place. And Ben called us yesterday, and here's about 90 seconds of that call that we had with him. How long ago are we talking about this breakup happening?

[C]

Well, this was last November when I got the letter, so.

[A]

The letter. All right, give us some history on the relationship leading right up to the letter.

[C]

Who sent what is that? My actual friend's name is Julie, and we were dating for about two years. And last July, she had moved to Chicago. She works in marketing, so she had had a transfer in her job. And I obviously still lived in Atlanta, and we were doing the long distance thing, but we would see each other roughly two or three times a month. And I would go out there, she would come back to Atlanta, and things were fine. I didn't expect any turbulence whatsoever. And then in November, actually in October, she stopped taking my calls. Like, I couldn't get a hold of her. She wouldn't call me. It was just the strangest thing. And then final in November, this letter shows up in the mailbox saying that it's over. And basically, I mean, I wish I could elaborate on it more but that's pretty much all I got out of it, was that it's over and I really didn't get a reason why. And you know, she had an Atlanta phone number that I was trying to call. But you know, by the time late November rolled around, you know, I would try calling that number and it was cut off. So I'm thinking maybe she probably obtained a Chicago number. You know, maybe you guys can help me figure this out, because I sure can.

[A]

Okay, so that was Ben yesterday and we told him before he got off with us that we already had contacted Julie and she had already agreed to come on, but we were going to wait a day. So Ben now has been stewing on this for 24 hours and hasn't talked to her obviously since what he say? November, something like that.

[E]

November was when he got the letter. So he hasn't talked to her since before that.

[A]

She's actually on hold and she is kind of locked and ready to go. But let's get Ben on first. Hey, Ben.

[C]

Hey guys, how are you? I'm alright.

[E]

Did you get any sleep last night?

[C]

A little bit. Little bit.

[A]

It must be like an emotional roller coaster for you the last 24 hours because if nothing else, at least you're gonna get, you know, like some closure on this thing.

[C]

Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm looking forward to either way, even though I don't know, I don't know what to expect from her. But we'll see.

[A]

Did you do any more reflecting over like the last 24 hours to try to figure out? Okay, I bet she says blank.

[C]

Yeah, I did. That's just about the only thing I did do is, you know, sort of theorize in my head what she may or may not say, what answers I may or may not want to hear.

[A]

So I made the suggestion to you yesterday to have like your best questions ready to go right off the bat. Because who knows how long she wants to go through this uncomfortable experience, you know. So do you have those ready to go?

[C]

Yeah, I have a few that I've prepared. So I hope she's ready for those because I mean, I'm not. I'm kind of in an all business mindset right now. I just want to. I want information, you know, I want to find out what her mindset is.

[E]

So Ben if you could sum up your feelings for Julie in one word right now, what would it be?

[C]

Frustration.

[A]

You're like, past the, like, part of a breakup where you're like, ang. Not angry, but just like grief stricken and now you're into like the frustration or can you even. Could he even say anger?

[C]

I can't be angry at her. I mean, I really like her and it has only been six months. I mean, that's just it. I can't say that I'm angry at her because I don't know why she did it. So I don't know if I have anything to be angry about. What I am is just confused and frustrated. That's why we're doing this. So.

[A]

All right, let me just say this before I pick up the phone with Julie is that once she comes on, I'm going to tell her that you've already agreed to this and you just want 100% honesty. Now what she may say is really going to hurt, but you're going to walk away from this. And you have told us this. You'd rather know the truth and be hurt than just still have this kind of open ended thing going on.

[C]

Right? Right.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

All right, I'm ready.

[A]

Hey, Julie. Hi. Hi. Ben, you want to say hey to Julie?

[C]

Hello, Julie.

[F]

Hi.

[A]

All right, Julie, you've been on hold listening to everything happen here. And Ben in essence has said that rather than have this open ended kind of like feeling that he has right now, he has no, really no good idea on why you broke up. And at least the way he related it to us yesterday, it doesn't sound like you really gave him closure on it. You sent him a letter. It was less than a paragraph. The phone calls just kind of started going away. And this guy just needs to move on and he needs closure. So, Ben, just tell her. Basically what I relate to you is that you just want honesty here and then you can move on.

[C]

Yeah, that's it. I mean, in order to sort of rest my head over this thing, Julia, I'd kind of just like to hear some version or some reason, you know, why you made the decision that you did. Because your letter was just very vague. And then, you know, I wasn't able to communicate with you over the phone, so I was kind of just left strung up and dry. So this is your opportunity to explain to me, you know, why you made this decision.

[F]

Okay. Well, the long distance thing was really hard on me. You know, I was really on the fence about what I wanted to do. I felt like I kind of need to make a decision about our relationship. And then, you know, there's that six weeks in the fall where we didn't really see each other very much. And all of a sudden, I just realized that I wasn't stressed out. You know, I wasn't having to worry about travel plans and rearranging things and you coming up and me going down there and all that kind of stuff. And it wasn't, you know, weighing on my mind all the time. And I really enjoyed that. You know, you don't.

[E]

You don't think you could have explained that to him when he stopped calling.

[A]

Him or even in the letter?

[F]

I did. I mean, okay, the whole. The whole point. The reason why I wrote the letter was because I was so upset and I was so conflicted about the way I felt because, I mean, Ben and I've been together for two years, and I just knew that if I was on the phone with him, that he was probably gonna try to talk me into staying. And I didn't want him to do that. I wanted to just be able to make the decision and say that it was over without him giving me conflict about it or me wavering at all. You know, I mean, like, I was legitimately upset. I have to say that. I know it seems like I'm just some cold person who writes a letter, but the whole point was that the letter was to the point I said exactly what I wanted to say without any muss or fuss. And it wasn't vague. It was specific. Ben. It just probably wasn't as much as you wanted. But it was specific.

[A]

Ben, you've probably read that letter, I'm guessing roughly 25,000 times. Do you feel like what she's saying is honest? That it said it right there in the paragraph? It was only a paragraph, but it does say it was about the long distance thing.

[C]

Well, even if. I mean, yeah, I did read it a lot. I don't have it still, so I can't read back for verbatim. But even if it did say that, to me, that's just not good enough when it comes to matters of the heart, you know, distances. I don't understand it. I guess even if that's the case, I mean, why was everything okay in the beginning? And then all of a sudden, in a certain point, things weren't okay with her. You know, we were doing fine. I even had plans to move out there. It's not like the problem wasn't going to be reconciled or as if we weren't, you know, trying to make an effort to reconcile the distance we were. And I thought it was worth it to, you know, stay in it and keep going. And evidently, Julie, you didn't. So.

[E]

Julie, was there another guy involved at all?

[F]

No. No, not at all. I really just, you know, started to realize that it. My job. My job is really hard, and I was in a new city and things were complicated, and I was trying to figure things out and to deal with going back and forth was really hard.

[B]

So if before you made the decision to send him that letter, did you, like, maybe not another guy involved, but did you have any time with, like, one individual guy? Like, was there anyone who was there any time where you were, like, God, you know what? Life would just be better in this city as a single person?

[F]

No, it wasn't about being single. If I wasn't, like. It wasn't like, oh, I can finally start dating somebody else. It was more just like.

[A]

I couldn't.

[F]

Continue the way things had been with Ben.

[E]

Do you think you handled it in the right way?

[F]

Well, I realized that it wasn't enough for him, but honestly, it was the right way for me. You know, I didn't. All Ben would have done was tried to talk me into it, and that's not what I wanted. I wanted to be able to just make my own decision and not have to. To deal with that, because then why would you want to be with me if I wouldn't want to be with you?

[C]

Well, I don't. If that's the case. But I'm. I mean, what this whole thing about is. We're trying to figure out why you don't want to be with me. That's what I'm. Because you never said anything. I mean, you can cite distance, you can cite my job is stressful, you can cite all these reasons, but when it comes down to it, you're choosing something else over me. And I think, you know, at the very least, you owe me a reason why. There's. Why these things are taking precedent over my. My heart and my, you know, me, basically, you know, why would you choose a thing over a person? I mean, I don't get it. I don't get it. That's not how. That's not how. That's how I operate emotionally, you know, and that's not how I thought about you in this relationship. So that's just. I don't know. That's my take on it. I would never choose something over someone, especially when that someone was so, you know, special to me.

[A]

Julie, let's. I want to ask you a painful question at the time that you decided that the relationship wasn't worth the effort because you were in Chicago, did you feel out of love with Ben at that point?

[F]

No, I. That was why it was so hard for me. I mean, I really loved him and I. I still do. And it's gonna take a really long time for me to get. To get over that, you know, but it just seems like, you know, a band aid that you just pull off really quick instead of taking that time and pulling out every single hair with it, you know, just. I wanted to just make it simple and quick and easy.

[B]

So you still love him?

[F]

Yeah, I do.

[A]

You know, that's not closure.

[B]

Edge gonna open it up.

[A]

That's not what we're looking for.

[F]

But I mean, you know, popping the stitches.

[E]

Oh, God.

[B]

What?

[E]

I guess, I guess, I guess. Julie, my view is that after two years, I mean, I just.

[A]

You owe him more than that.

[E]

Yeah. I just feel like, of course he had every right to try to talk you out of your decision because you've been together for two years. I. It just seems to me just very. I mean, I'm going to say a strong word, but selfish to just go and then write a two line to someone you've been with for two years and say. Because it would have just been hard, he would have tried to talk me out of it. I didn't want that right now. You know, I mean, I also question.

[A]

Your definition of love, because if you really love somebody and you want to spend the rest of your life with them and you're really tied into them, then A, you don't handle things the way that you did, and B, you work out the distance thing.

[F]

Well, then maybe that's part of it. Maybe I realized I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with them.

[B]

Cool.

[E]

I mean, Ben, to me it just seems that you have evidence of how she handled it and how she handles things and how she handled you.

[A]

So, you know, Ben, this is your time. I mean, I feel like we're asking the questions, but I mean, this is your time to get as much closure as you can. Although.

[C]

Well, I mean, yeah, I've been listening. I mean, Julie, you say you still love me. I don't know. I don't know what that means or how to think about that considering, you know, five months ago you wouldn't. You wouldn't return my calls. I couldn't get a hold of you. Changed up your phone number, but I don't know, maybe you can tell me what that means. Does that mean that they're. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't love you still, too. And if that's how we both feel, then I don't understand why we can't be together. So maybe you can explain to me why or talk to me about the prospect of maybe reconciling at some point. Because I don't know. I don't know. I would never want distance or something like that or somebody transferring a job, you know? I mean, what if. Listen to this. What if we were married before that and then you got a job transfer? I mean, and for some reason we couldn't be together?

[F]

Would you bail if we were married? It was a different decision, Ben.

[C]

It's not different. You commit to the prospect of being together right away. I mean, that's. That's what. Accordingly. That's what a courtship is. That's what people date for. At least, that's what I do. You know, I don't jump ship on somebody just because another prospect comes along. I make that person a priority. And if you're willing to do that with me, then I'm willing to talk about the possibility of reconciling. If not, then, you know, I have no choice but to absolutely go my separate way.

[F]

And I was willing to make that for. You know, I did that for four months. I did it for four months going back and forth, and it really just started to take its toll on me, you know, and.

[C]

Like, it wasn't hard for me.

[F]

I'm not saying it wasn't hard for you, Ben. I'm sure that it was. You know, I mean, you're here in Atlanta and you have nothing going on, and I'm there and I've got work and I'm sure it was hard for you, but I'm just. You know.

[C]

But you jumped ship anyway. I didn't.

[A]

I want to stop you right there for a second because, Julie, what I caught you say is you're here in Atlanta. Where are you right now, Julie?

[F]

I'm in Atlanta. Yeah, I came in before Easter for the weekend.

[C]

No call. All right.

[F]

I want. I just. I just got in late last night.

[C]

Well, not a very holy Thursday. I mean, how long are you in town? Just for the weekend.

[F]

I'm leaving late on Sunday.

[A]

I think what you need to do here, you really need to, like. Because it's still. You're giving them, like, mixed messages here. And what this was supposed to be here is like, letting him move on. So I'm gonna ask Poignant questions here. All right. Are you happier now than you were, than when you were with Ben?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Is there ever a chance that the two of you can get together again romantically?

[C]

Well.

[F]

I don't think so. And not right now, anyway.

[E]

Who? Are you dating someone in Chicago?

[F]

Yeah, I'm. I'm seeing someone in Chicago now.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Would your advice to Ben be move on. Our relationship is over?

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Is.

[F]

Then. I love you, but I'm just not in love with you.

[A]

That's tbo.

[B]

That.

[A]

That was never said.

[B]

Is. Is the guy. Is Chicago guy in Atlanta with you?

[F]

Yeah, he came with me a damn.

[E]

Well, Ben. Hey, there you go. There's your answer. Ben. There's the closure.

[A]

Ben, is there really anything else you need to hear from that? I mean.

[C]

No, that's it. I'm totally gonna move on. We will not be. We will not be talking to each other.

[B]

All right.

[E]

Sorry, Ben.

[A]

Julia stunk. We're gonna let you go at this point, okay? Okay. Ben, is there anything else you want to say to Julie before we let her split?

[C]

Not a damn thing.

[A]

Oh, okay. All right. Julie, I really want to tell you I appreciate you coming on and being honest with him. I mean, you've done something good, even though it hurts.

[F]

Yeah. Thanks, guys.

[A]

Thank you. Bye, Julie.

[E]

So, Ben, if I could ask you to sum up in one word your feelings for Julie now, what would it be?

[C]

I think she's not ready for a guy like me.

[A]

All right, good.

[E]

All right.

[A]

Good man.

[E]

That was a good word.

[C]

I think she deserves a lesser man, and sounds like she's got one, so that's fine.

[A]

All right.

[E]

I mean, I've already gotten emails for you. Seriously. I called it yesterday. I said women would be emailing to talk to Ben. So if producer Tracy can get your email address, I'll forward you the women that are interested.

[A]

See, I'd stay away from you. Like, I'd stay way away from you if I was a woman right now. He's got time to get over. He needs time to get over this whole thing. He's kind of, like, wounded.

[C]

I'm definitely going to take some time to heal before I, you know, consider other prospects, because I don't want to, you know, I don't want to screw someone else up.

[A]

Right. Well, I mean, it was tough to hear, but at least was exactly what it was designed to do. Maybe you got the closure now that you didn't have the last couple of months. Hard to hear, but maybe you got it.

[C]

Yeah, I know. You're absolutely right. I feel Pretty bad right now, but, you know, it's better than, you know, six months from now. Still wondering, you know, what her problem was. She made that pretty evident to us, I think. Done deal.

[A]

All right.

[C]

All right, guys.

[A]

All right, Ben.

[C]

Thanks a lot. I appreciate it.

[B]

Okay, Happy Easter.

[A]

See you now.

[E]

Take care.

[C]

Bye.

[A]

You're on the Birch show, dude. Did you order the new iPhone 17 Pro?

[B]

Got it from Verizon, the best 5G network in America.

[C]

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No trade in needed. Offer ends November 5th with a new line on Unlimited Ultimate Best 5G Tours. Route metrics, data, United States, 2020, 25. All rights reserved. Additional terms apply for all offers. See verizon.com for details. Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway this fall, take care of the little ones in the family with Baby Club Savings now through November 4th. Spend $25 on select Baby Club products and save $5. Shop for items like Pediasure bottles, Pedialyte powder packs, Huggies, baby wipes, Huggies diapers, Gerber puffs, and Gerber pouches. And save $5 when you buy $25 or more on participating products. Offer ends November 4th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details. Now is the time to start, like, fantasizing about, like, $220 million. I mean, if you win that thing, I know you've probably done the math, okay? Like, if I take it in one lump sum, that's only $100 million, or I can get $1.5 million over the next 60 years or whatever. You start to trick yourself into thinking that, you know what? I could really win this thing.

[B]

I can't, and I'm one of these people. But it blows me away that there's so many people who are like, you know what? I don't even play it when it's 15 million. It's 220. It's 15 million.

[A]

Whatever.

[B]

I could live without that 220 million, though. Sign me up. It's.

[A]

Well, it's even a higher number than that. Like, it gets to 100 million. You're like, 100 million. Come on. It's not worth it. 10 minutes at the cut. 220 million. Now you've got my attention, right? You know and then that's a. That's obviously life changing, life changing money right there. What are you doing when you win $220 million? What's the first thing you're doing besides quitting?

[E]

The first thing I'm doing is taking a hammer, taking my alarm clock and smashing the hell out of it. Never having to get up again and again.

[A]

We say this every time lottery hits. Like how people say, you know what, if I win this lottery, I don't really think it's going to change my life that much.

[E]

Oh, yeah, I'd change it.

[A]

I'm going to be a totally different person.

[E]

I was fantasizing about it on the way to work because I got my Mega Millions tickets yesterday. I got some quick picks, and I drove by that billboard right past the Grady Curve on the Downtown connector, headed north. Saw the big sign that says 220 million, and I did. I started thinking, what really would I do? Like, really what would I do? And I started thinking about the different places around the world. I would want to own a house.

[A]

Yeah, you could do that.

[E]

You know, just own. Owning a home. Like, at first my first thought was in Italy, right on the Amalfi coast. Buying a place right there that just looks over the water. And then I started fantasizing about having, like, a ski town place to go skiing. So that was my first thought is, where else in the world am I going to own homes?

[A]

Mine are more, like, superficial and frivolous. Like, right off the bat, like, if I win that kind of cash, the first thing I'm doing is I'm like, flying all of my friends to wherever, some small island, and I am hiring some band that will say, you know what? We'll play for you. But a million dollars. And there's Bono and Ed and you two playing for me and 30 of my friends. Because you can do that. You can spend the first $10 million and it's like, that's not a big deal. And then I'm gonna become like, Usher. Arrogant. I mean, when you get like, $220 million, you can be. You can have that kind of attitude. You're allowed to. You can buy that kind of attitude.

[B]

But the problem with that is you'll invite all of your friends, but none of them will have to go. Will be able to go because they'll still have to work. He'll be like, hey, why don't everybody. You want to come for three weeks? We're all gonna be. We're gonna be on this. We're gonna be in this I've rented this entire resort in Maui. We'll all be there for three weeks. All right?

[A]

Nobody else could go, right?

[B]

I can't come, Bird. I got staff meeting.

[A]

What are you doing with your money, Jeff?

[B]

I'd probably give most of it to charity.

[A]

Yeah, that's what you do. Yeah. And that charity is the Jeff dollar fund.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Or something like that. Keep it well hidden.

[A]

Hey, Phil.

[C]

Hey, there.

[A]

How are you?

[C]

What's going on, guys?

[B]

What did you just say that was so funny to Tracy?

[C]

Oh, no, we were just looking at nothing. We were looking at. There's. There's washers and dryers right beside each other, and there's a very small washer and then a really big dryer. And she looks at the washer and goes, well, good thing we didn't stick you in that one. And I go, well, look at it. It's tiny. I couldn't fit my left leg in that thing. And she thought it was funny.

[A]

You guys in your chemistry.

[C]

Chemistry at the Laundromat.

[A]

Now, when we tried this, like three and a half years ago, we put you in a small dryer and didn't work so well.

[C]

Negative.

[A]

So you had to specifically look for an industrial size dryer this time, right?

[C]

Correct. And I found one.

[B]

Even though you've lost weight.

[C]

Yeah. Well, I don't even. Yeah, these. Yeah, these. Even the small ones here are too small for Mina could fit in there. Actually, Scott, Tracy and Mina could fit one of those, but not me.

[A]

What we're gonna do is we are gonna put Filterana in this industrial size dryer. He has how many ping pongs? 50 ping pong balls.

[C]

15.

[A]

50.

[C]

5. 0.

[A]

50. Is that right?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Jeff, what's the matter? What's the matter?

[E]

What's the matter? Jeff, look on your.

[A]

Don't you take those headphones off. What's the matter? Where are you going?

[E]

Did you. What'd you win the. Where are you going?

[A]

Hold on a sec.

[E]

Bill, do you win the lottery? It's 50. Not the right number. Where you go, oh, see, Jeff's. Oh, what?

[B]

56.

[A]

It's 56. Phil, you're supposed.

[C]

Well, I have a couple extra. I can throw those in there too.

[E]

Jeff just. Jeff just quit.

[A]

It's supposed to be 56 ping pong balls and. Phil, you have 50.

[C]

Okay, I'll throw in the extra ones. All right, I bought extra.

[A]

You got a Sharpie there with you and a pen and all that?

[C]

I've got my pen. I've got my pen right here.

[A]

Okay. Why don't you go ahead and go 51 through 56 on that.

[C]

Okay, I bought extra.

[F]

I'm prepared this time.

[A]

Stop.

[F]

I got extra.

[A]

No, I'm laughing at Jeff because this is his fault. Let me know when you're done with the ping pong balls. And then what Phil will do. Jeff, stop.

[C]

I got extra.

[A]

Phil will go inside the dryer with the ping pong balls and he will. Is it. How is it the ping pong ball that actually spills out of the dryer or is it the one that he grabs?

[B]

I think it's the one that he grabs.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, because you have to shut the. You have to shut the door to get the thing rotating. So you have to open up the door.

[E]

You have to tumble before you are going to grab one.

[B]

Can I answer that?

[C]

Yes, that is correct.

[B]

He'll tumble. He'll tumble five times and pull the five Mega Millions balls out. And then. Or the five lottery balls out. Then he'll tumble one more time and pull out the mega million. A total of six.

[E]

Got it.

[A]

And these will be the officially endorsed Burt show numbers to play this weekend. Okay.

[C]

All right, I've got them all numbered. I have one to 56 now. All right, don't get all mad at me. I'm putting them in. Okay.

[A]

All right. Insert self in industrial dryer now.

[C]

Producer Tracy's here as well.

[A]

Alright, you want me to put her on? Hold on a sec.

[E]

Insert self. Insert self.

[A]

Hey, Tracy.

[F]

Hey, you guys. How are you?

[A]

Good. You didn't know that there were 56 numbers in the Mega Millions?

[F]

Look, I'm just here for the ride. This is not my bit, but I brought extra.

[A]

We've got three producers on this show. Nobody thought to actually do the research on it.

[F]

I did.

[C]

That's why I brought extra. I can't handle that stress.

[A]

Are you in the dryer now? Is that why it's extra?

[F]

He's trying to climb his way in. He's trying to figure out the right angle to get himself in there.

[D]

Sounds like he's at turn field.

[F]

That one fit in? He's nearly in. All right, there he. Oh, it's already turning.

[D]

Okay.

[F]

He's completely in.

[E]

Is the door shut yet?

[F]

I'm sorry, what?

[E]

Did you shut the door yet?

[F]

Not yet. Move your leg. All right, ready? All right.

[C]

Oh.

[F]

Okay. He's completely in the dryer. I'm putting the quarter in.

[A]

All right.

[F]

Turning the handle.

[D]

Are you ready?

[A]

Yep.

[D]

All right, cool.

[F]

Here we go.

[E]

Can you see still there?

[A]

Yeah, we're here. You there?

[C]

Yeah. Okay. The first tumble, the door opened up and I kicked a couple of the balls out. What's the first number is?

[F]

11.

[A]

The first number is 11.

[E]

11.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Are you sure you're looking at that right side up?

[F]

Yes, I'm looking at it right side up, but either way, it's 11. All right, we doing it again?

[A]

Spin it again. Yep.

[F]

Ready?

[C]

Oh, Jesus. Oh, God.

[F]

Oh, God.

[A]

Oh, God.

[C]

Jesus. Good God.

[F]

All right, you guys ready for the next one?

[A]

Yes. The second ball number is.

[F]

Hold on. It's rolling all the way down, and it is 51.

[B]

Tracy, is there anyone else in the laundromat with you?

[F]

No, but there's security cameras everywhere, so I want to get this done with.

[A]

Yeah, the last time we tried this, he got booted out of there.

[B]

Right? You got plenty of time with the security cameras, because before you get kicked out, they're gonna call about nine people over and go, is this right? Am I really seeing this?

[C]

I just found a dryer sheet.

[A]

All right, third spin, Phil.

[F]

All right, here we go.

[C]

Oh, God.

[F]

Oh, God.

[B]

Okay, is he going completely upside down? Tracy.

[F]

Okay, then, Tracy, when the timer that fell out is 42, when he turns.

[B]

Does he go, like, completely upside down?

[F]

Oh, yeah. And it's moving fast, too.

[B]

So how many times, like, between each time you open the door, is he going around?

[F]

Probably about 10 or 15.

[A]

Oh, really?

[F]

Yeah, it's moving really fast. Like, it looks really painful because he's so, like, he's so much smaller. So, like, he's actually, like, every time it goes upside down, like, he's literally falling on his head. Can y' all hear me?

[A]

Yeah, we can hear you.

[C]

I'm sorry. Keep your finger on delay. This actually hurts a little bit more.

[A]

Than I was expecting.

[C]

And another concern I just got with each rotation. This is an industrial sized dryer. It gets hotter and hotter.

[A]

Well, you needed to lose that water weight. You told us.

[E]

There you go.

[B]

This is it.

[E]

This is endorsed by your trainers.

[C]

All right, here we go. Let's try a new position here. All right. Oh, God.

[B]

Letting it go a little longer, Tracy. So you get a good, good number this time.

[F]

All right, you ready? Yeah.

[B]

Yep.

[F]

The next number is four.

[A]

Four.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

All right.

[F]

Okay, here we go.

[A]

You said there are five numbers and the Mega Millions, right?

[B]

Five numbers. Then you take the ones that have already been won and you put them back in, and then you draw the Mega Millions.

[F]

I'm sorry, Phil. How many more do we have? Just two more.

[B]

Eleven.

[F]

All right, here we go. You're mad at me.

[A]

Well, the Skydiving thing. It's gonna hurt for a while.

[B]

Tracy, now you're in charge of how long he goes for.

[F]

I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.

[B]

Are you in charge of how long he spins for?

[F]

Well, he, like, starts. When it starts to get too painful, he starts trying to kick the door open. So now he's actually in charge of how long he spins for.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

Because as soon as he kicks the door open, the whole dryer stops. All right, the next number. 17.

[A]

17. All right, now you have to throw all of those back in there, and that becomes our Mega Millions.

[C]

Okay, I think my head's bleeding.

[F]

Oh, it is hot in there, Phil.

[D]

I'm sorry.

[A]

I'm not dead yet. Just very badly burned.

[C]

Wait, wait, Tracy, hang on. Let me reposition.

[B]

Tracy, are you physically strong enough to hold the dryer door closed?

[F]

Don't kick too hard, okay, Phil? Yes, I am.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

All right, you guys ready?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

This is a very important one. This is the Mega Ball.

[D]

All right.

[F]

You want me to count how many times it's gone around?

[C]

Sure, I'm ready.

[F]

All right.

[E]

Ready?

[F]

Go. All right. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 20.

[E]

Yeah, that's pleasant. Stop that in there.

[B]

Yeah, that's good.

[A]

Can I. Yeah, let him out. Yes, let him out. She didn't hear it. Let him out, woman. Let him out.

[F]

Oh, it stopped.

[C]

I'm getting girl.

[F]

Oh, they're in your pants.

[A]

What?

[F]

There's ping pong balls falling out of his pants.

[B]

That's probably the Mega Ball.

[A]

That's what he said for years.

[F]

All right, the Mega Ball, which literally fell out of his pants, is 47.

[A]

47.

[B]

The mega ball can only be a number between one and 46, so he'll have to go again.

[A]

Is that true?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Seriously?

[B]

Straight there.

[A]

Don't do this.

[E]

Oh, Jeff, I can't help it if.

[B]

He screwed up his Mega Ball.

[A]

Sorry, he's gonna have to go one more time. Tracy, I don't know that.

[F]

He literally has his head in a trash can right now.

[E]

He is throwing up.

[F]

He looks nauseous. His face is bright red. He can hardly breathe.

[A]

Well, that's because you let him go 10 seconds too long.

[E]

What about the other one that fell out of his pants?

[B]

Well, he should have two Mega Balls.

[C]

You want one more?

[A]

How bad do you feel?

[C]

Well, with this spin, this will do it. I'll probably throw up on this one then.

[A]

Yeah, go back in.

[F]

Oh, I feel bad for the people that use the Dryer. After you.

[C]

Hang on one second.

[F]

He's trying to climb back in.

[E]

You love this.

[C]

I'm really nauseous. I'm really, really nauseous.

[E]

About what temperature is in the dryer right now, Phil.

[C]

It feels like it's getting like, you know, right when you walk into a sauna for the first time, that big rush of heat and steam that hits you immediately kind of like that.

[F]

Well, the directions say that you can't put anything plastic or rubberized in there because it will immediately melt.

[A]

So it's pretty hot. All right, just keep him in there a couple of seconds. One last for the Mega ball.

[B]

Yeah, Tracy, just like. Just a few seconds. Don't pretend you don't hear us.

[F]

I couldn't. I swear, if you were saying stop, I couldn't hear you. All right, here we go.

[C]

All right, here we go.

[F]

Oh, need another quarter. Hold on. All right, ready? Wait on you guys.

[A]

Stop it. Tracy.

[E]

Stop.

[B]

Stop, Tracy.

[F]

Oh, that one fell out of your pants, too.

[A]

What number is that?

[E]

It better be under 46. Please tell me it's under 46.

[F]

Okay, his. His other mega ball is 16.

[A]

All right.

[E]

Oh, my God. Is he okay?

[F]

No, he's back in the trash can. Are you okay?

[C]

Oh, God, that sucks.

[B]

Just for the record, Phil, we had it all worked out with Tracy that you were only supposed to be in there a few seconds, and she played all depth.

[C]

My elbows are. My elbows are bleeding from being up against the grates. I think my head. Oh, hold on. I've literally got my head in gifty Tide box right now.

[D]

Well, it'll be worth it, Phil.

[A]

It'll be worth it if there are 30 millionaires in Atlanta on Monday. Wouldn't it be worth it? Phil.

[B]

Phil, Phil, Phil. Hey, what if these numbers come up but Phil forgets to buy a ticket?

[A]

Listen, it's the Vert show. G', day, America. It's Tony and Ryan from the Tony and Ryan podcast from Down Under. Today we want to talk to you about Boost, mo newest 5G network in the country offering reliable nationwide coverage backed.

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Morning Zoe.

[A]

Got donuts.

[E]

Jeff Bridges why are you still living above our garage?

[C]

Well, I dig the mattress and I.

[A]

Want to be in a T Mobile commercial like you. Teach me.

[E]

So Dana oh no, I'm not really prepared.

[A]

I couldn't possibly at t mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them.

[E]

It's designed to be the most powerful.

[A]

Iphone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system. Wow, impressive.

[C]

Let me try.

[A]

T Mobile is the best place to.

[C]

Get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network. Nice.

[A]

Jeffrey, you heard them. T Mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on UP plus with eligible traded in any condition.

[C]

So what are we having for lunch?

[E]

Dude, my work here is done.

[A]

The 24 month bill credit is on experience beyond for well qualified customers + tax and 35 device connection charge credit send and balance due if you pay off earlier canceled finance agreement. IPhone 17 Pro 256 gigs $1,099.99 A new line minimum 100 plus a month plan with auto PayPal taxes and fees required. Best mobile network in the US based.

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On analysis by Oklahoma Speed Test Intelligence.

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Data 1H 2025 Visit T mobile.com the following is not a Burt show listener. I'll put a little separation between us because all of our listeners are so helpful.

[E]

We don't want to be associated with her.

[A]

But I guess producer Tracy got an email from Catherine's friend a couple of days ago chipping her off that Catherine is 31 years old. 31. And she decided to go down to spring break and hang out with a bunch of 16 and 17 year olds. High school, High school. And at first we thought she was just going down there to chaperone, which would have been fine. There's nothing wrong with that. But she's not chaperoning. I mean she is right in the thick of things. I mean she's partying with these 16 and 17 years olds. You'll hear in this replay she was at like a foam party, wet T shirt contest, making out with 19 year olds. And she thinks there's nothing wrong with it at all. In fact, I got. Did you guys get some emails yesterday from people that were upset with us?

[E]

No.

[A]

Mad that we were judging that she's 31 years old, she's young enough to do what she wants.

[E]

That's crazy. First of all, what is going on with our listeners? Because first they endorse a guy who's dating his sister and then secondly, now it's okay to hang out with 17 year old when you're 31.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Huh.

[A]

A bunch of these emails. Not just one, like five or six, going, leave her alone, leave her alone. Listen to this. Hey, Katherine.

[F]

Yeah, hey.

[A]

Hi. You're on the voice disguiser.

[D]

Oh, really? Do I sound like a robot?

[A]

A little bit, yeah. I mean, you can't hear it in the phone and all, but yeah, you sound a little bit like a robot. Yes. All right, Catherine, Catherine, you're 31 years old.

[D]

Yep.

[A]

All right. And you are hanging out. We're not going to mention the city because Jeff said you want to have your identity. Identity totally protected.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So we're not going to mention what city that you're in. Partying. But you are at a heavy spring break destination.

[D]

That's right.

[A]

With a whole bunch of 16 and 17 year olds.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. I decided to go on spring break because I never went when I was that age. So down partying it up.

[A]

Who are these 16 and 17 year olds? How do they know them or how do you know them? And I'm curious, like how you even ask them to go.

[D]

Well, they're actually my next door neighbors. I live next to a bunch of teenage girls and you know, we're friendly and they were talking about how they were going on spring break and you know, I mentioned that I had never gone when I was their age and they were like, oh, you totally have to go. And you know, I was like, you know what? Why not? So I, you know, I went with them and spring break.

[B]

Could I throw out an answer to the why not question and you can just tell us.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Uh, you're 14 years older than them.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, I know that, but I. There's nothing, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I'm just going and having a good time. I'm just hanging out with them, you know, there's nothing weird going on. They're just, you know, partying and so am I.

[A]

Do their parents know that you're down there with them?

[D]

I don't think so. I mean, they didn't, I mean, they don't. I don't think they need to know. I'm not doing anything wrong. Just hanging out, going to clubs.

[B]

You realize like in Hiram county, it could be their mom.

[D]

I mean, I'm really, I don't, I mean, I look really young myself, but I don't. I'm not saying that I'm young. I mean, if anybody asks me, I tell them how old I am. I'm just going to have a good time.

[A]

So if you're hanging out on the beach and some 18 year old comes up to you and he says, hey, hi, blah, blah, blah, starts making small talk and asks you how old you are, you say, I'm 31.

[D]

Yeah, I do. I mean, I'm not wearing a button that says it or anything, but I'll tell someone if they ask me. I'm not hiding anything, I'm just hanging out.

[E]

They probably would ask what grade you're in. These are high schoolers on Springboard?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

How do you answer that? What grade are you in? Well, I've graduated. Oh, last year? No.

[A]

Well, and to an 18 year old guy, if he asks how old you are and you say 31, that's gonna intrigue him more probably than with another 18 year old.

[D]

Actually, I found it's been working in my favor, but I mean, I'm not, you know, what are you doing here?

[A]

What do you mean by working in your favor?

[D]

I actually, I made out with someone, but he was in college.

[E]

How old was he?

[B]

What year of college?

[D]

He was a sophomore, but I mean he was, you know, 19.

[B]

20.

[D]

Yeah, he was 19 and it's illegal.

[E]

How old was he?

[D]

20. But he, I mean, that's. Oh, that's, you know, as far as.

[B]

I've said it, I mean, in a year he could drink. He's practically elderly.

[E]

Yeah, I, I met imagining to hang out with a sick. I have no desire to hang out with 16 year old Catherine. I want to ask. When the neighbor said, oh, you should totally go, did you mistake them for saying, oh, you should go down for Springboard? Be cool to go with them. I mean, did they really ask you to go with them?

[D]

Well, when they found out that I'd never been, they were like, you gotta come with us. So they did ask me to go with them and I was like, in high school, I sorta didn't really have Too many friends. I wasn't very popular, so I never got a chance to go. So I was like, you know what I'm gonna take? I'm just gonna. You know, this is my chance, you know, and I'm 31 now. I feel more confident. I feel like, also in high school, I was a little overweight, and now I feel like I look good in a bathing suit.

[E]

Well, go to the beach with 31 year olds.

[A]

Yeah, you're.

[D]

I had it to get it.

[A]

What did you guys do last night? Have you been hanging out with these 16 and 17 year olds and going from party to party? Like, give me a good example of what 24 hours looks like for you with these 16 and 17 year olds.

[F]

Actually, I'm sorry.

[D]

We had, like a really late last night. Everybody is sleeping. I'm on the patio. We went to a club. I don't want to say which one. There was like. There was a foam dancing. You know, where they fill the room with foam party. Yeah, it was crazy. And there's like. What else did we do? Some people were doing body shots, but nobody I was with.

[A]

They're 16 and 17 years old and doing shots. So there are clubs that are letting the 16 year olds in and they have fake IDs.

[D]

I guess. I mean, I don't need one, but of course not.

[B]

You know what? They're probably looking at yours going, hold on a minute. This has got to be fake. It says you're 31.

[D]

Yeah, no, I look. I look really young, but I am 31.

[E]

And you don't look 16.

[D]

That is. That's true.

[A]

So, foam party. You guys are doing shots together?

[D]

Oh, there was a wet T shirt contest and that I did participate in. I mean, it was crazy.

[A]

You did not.

[D]

Oh, I did. I did. I. I mean, I didn't win, but I was, you know, contestant.

[C]

It was.

[D]

It was wild.

[E]

Do your boobs look 31 or do they look 16?

[D]

Maybe they're 25.

[B]

Okay, but what have you told. Because obviously you're, you know, taking time off of work and you're away from whatever, so where does everyone think you are right now?

[D]

They think I'm home with my family.

[A]

In Ohio with your family?

[D]

Well, I didn't want to. I mean, I have clients and I didn't want.

[B]

Ned.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no. You're home with your family.

[D]

That's what I. Yeah, that's right. Her parents.

[A]

Her parents.

[B]

Okay. In Ohio. Oh, okay. I got you.

[D]

Right?

[E]

You thought that meant.

[A]

Yeah, I thought maybe she had children on Stage.

[C]

Oh, I gotcha.

[B]

Oh, no, no, no.

[D]

I don't have any kids.

[A]

Oh, sorry for saying that. Maybe you were weird.

[D]

Sorry.

[B]

Dragging me crazy.

[D]

Whoa.

[A]

That would have been strange.

[E]

Just curious.

[D]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

[E]

Come on.

[A]

Are you kidding me?

[E]

Katherine, what's wrong with it?

[A]

This is so sick. This is so weird and so twisted. You're 31 years old and you're in wet T shirt contest with a whole bunch of 16 and and 17 year olds. You're making out with 19 year old guys.

[D]

He was gonna be 20 in a month.

[B]

Are you guys gonna all get matching class of 07 tattoos?

[D]

Um, no.

[B]

A little 07 in the smile of your back?

[E]

Are you just gonna go get airbrushed on a license plate?

[D]

No, I mean, it's just, we're just having a good time, you know, I'm not like chaperoning them. They're not doing anything that weird. They're just acting like everybody else down there and I guess so am I.

[E]

What are your conversations like with. With a 16 year old? I mean, what do you guys have in common?

[A]

Do you have a MySpace account?

[D]

Actually, I do.

[E]

Oh, of course you do.

[B]

So are people asking you for your MySpace?

[D]

Yeah, I give it to them. You know, it says my real age on it says my age on there. I mean, I'm not, you know, I'm.

[A]

Like, Katherine, let me break this down for you. MySpace messaged me you were socially awkward back in high school and you're socially awkward today.

[D]

No, I'm doing well. I got a ton of numbers.

[A]

Do you realize that all these 16 and 17 year old people are laughing at you?

[B]

No, they're not.

[A]

Absolutely, man. 31 year old in a wet T shirt contest.

[B]

No, they're not.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

No, they're not. They love the fact that she is down there.

[A]

She's a parody.

[B]

Nope, they love it. If you're 17 years old and you're the one who convinces the 30 year old to get to come down to spring break and party with you, guess what? That makes a lot of things a lot easier. They love it.

[A]

Whatcha?

[E]

Yeah, Are you buying all of them beer?

[D]

No, I haven't, but you know, there was a time where I didn't have my wallet and they spotted me some margaritas, so they bought a few margaritas.

[A]

Catherine, hold on a second. Mike.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't see a problem with this?

[C]

No, I don't see a problem at all. As long as she's not buying them beer or liquor. They didn't they didn't want her to come down for that. But if I was 17, where was she at? How was that spring break?

[A]

It's nasty, dude. I mean, come on. If this was Mike, if you had.

[E]

To be fair, you have to switch it around. If it was a guy down there doing the same thing, we can't be easy on Catherine.

[A]

Yeah. Mike, is this cool? If it's a 31 year old dude that's hanging out there with 16, 17 year old girls, no, he wouldn't be.

[C]

With guys with 20 year olds.

[B]

He'd be with guys. Like it'd be a guy going down.

[C]

He didn't say she was making out with a 16 year old.

[E]

She's making out with a 19 year old.

[C]

Right.

[A]

But still, I think we just.

[E]

He's a 19 year old.

[B]

The guy would be down there looking guys looking for sex, but he'd be going down with a group of guys. So I wouldn't like if it's a guy going down with a group of girls, I'm calling like, no, but it's.

[E]

Still creepy to have a 30 something sitting there. If I'm a 17 year old on the beach.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm so wasted. Man, you got eczema.

[E]

That's nasty.

[A]

Good morning, Trina.

[D]

Good morning.

[F]

Hey, when you stop getting spring breaks from school, you should stop going on spring break.

[E]

If you have a spring break from work, then that'd be fun on a T shirt and send it to Katherine.

[D]

You guys are making me feel.

[A]

Well, compared to who you're hanging out with. You are? Yeah.

[E]

In context you are.

[B]

Well, you're allowed to drive after nine. Doesn't that make you feel old, given the crowd you're hanging out with? You don't have to have a licensed adult in the car with you when you drive.

[D]

Yeah, well, you know, we're getting along really well and you know, if they ever did anything like crazy or something I thought was dangerous, I'd be like, hey, you know, don't do that. I'm not, it's not like I'm chaperone them, but if they were going to do something really messed up, I would say like, come on, don't do that. If there is like, I'm totally like, do whatever.

[A]

If there is nothing awkward about what you're doing, then I don't think there is. Then why did we switch your name and why are you on the voice disguiser?

[D]

Well, I just think like I, I mean from your reactions and stuff, I could see. I'm glad that I did because not everybody is. People are kind of close minded about stuff like that, you know, like I don't, I mean I work and I have a lot of clients and I work in an. Well, I guess I can tell you. I work in like an advertising kind of agency and I wouldn't want my clients to know. I, you know, I just think that not everybody is, you know, as open minded as myself. But I really don't think there's anything wrong with it.

[B]

Well, if you're marketing Dora the Explorer, you might. You're getting close to the wheelhouse there.

[D]

I'm, you know, I don't think there's.

[E]

I'm not doing anything. Why don't. I. I'm so curious as why your, the adult neighbors of yours don't know that you're down there with them.

[D]

I didn't. Well, I don't feel like I need to tell them. I mean they're not my parents. Why do I. I don't understand.

[E]

It does seem like you're hiding something.

[A]

Of course you are.

[B]

If you told your co workers that you're going to visit family in Ohio. Does your family know you have this time off and where do they think you are?

[D]

They, they don't know.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Well, yeah, I mean I just don't want to deal with, you know, I'm trying to have a good time. I don't want to deal with somebody like harsh in my trip. Basically.

[A]

Sorry if I killed your buzz. Sorry if I'm being a buzz kill.

[B]

I think you should be. I think you should be like a. I think you should step out and boldly say who you are. And I think you should, should try to change society's norms. I think you should try to make this world a better place. I think, I think.

[E]

Generations.

[C]

Huh?

[B]

I think you should be. Yeah, I, I, Yeah, I think we should think of you. Here in Atlanta is like Andrew Young, Martin Luther King pioneer and Catherine making, making the world a better place for the oppressed 16 year old party or something. That'll be your cause.

[D]

Thank you.

[B]

You're welcome.

[A]

All right, Katherine, we're let you go. Go have a good time.

[D]

All right.

[A]

This is the Birch show. Good morning. We're gonna call this Birch show listener Sue. She is on the voice disguiser. Hey Sue.

[D]

Hey, how you doing?

[A]

All right. How are you today?

[D]

Well, I got a really big problem and I'm hoping you guys can help me.

[A]

All right. Now normally we keep this kind of conversation till after 8:30, but I think this is appropriate.

[D]

This is really important.

[F]

Okay.

[A]

All Right.

[D]

My oldest daughter, she's 15. She'll be 16 soon. She's in 11th grade. And she's had a steady, you know, very steady boyfriend for almost a year now. And, you know, I had the sort of talk with her and she gave me the big eyes. You know how teenagers do big eyes. I don't know what you're talking about or blah, blah, blah, you know. And, you know, quite frankly, it's been a year with this same boy, and I want to put her on birth control, okay? I really do. I really think she should be taking birth control pills. I know how kids are. She's in 11th grade, steady boyfriend. And, you know, I don't want anything to happen to her. I mean, I have four kids of my own. I want her to have a good life. I want her to go to college. And, you know, there's no room for a baby right now. This just isn't going to happen. The problem is. The problem isn't me, you know, the problem is my husband. And he says, you know, absolutely, unequivocally, no, she is not going on birth control. You know, and, you know, the whole spiel like, you know, teenagers have to realize there's a consequence for their actions and all this. You know, I have the most respect for him. I really do. But in this particular instance, I just, you know, I'm beside myself. I think he's wrong. I think he's a guy and he doesn't understand, and he doesn't understand how teenagers are. And, you know, I mean, he says, you know, just say no, that kind of thing. Like, you know, did you just fall off the tomato truck or something and.

[A]

Eat a fruit truck?

[D]

I'm, like, really freaking out here. And, you know, I made a gynecologist appointment for my daughter and it's tomorrow at 3. And, you know, in my mind, I'm doing this regardless. But then I just started thinking about it and I know you guys kind of talk about this. You know, you talk about heavy problems sometimes. And I thought maybe, I don't know, some other mothers could give me some advice. I don't know. I'm just so flipped out about this. I feel very strongly and. And he feels very strongly his way. And if I do this, I'm gonna have to do this behind his back and tell my daughter not to tell him.

[A]

All right, now, I think we got a couple of different levels to attack this thing at. First of all, let me just gather some information and give the phone number out. 404-741-1005. Just so we have all the facts before we take the calls, okay. You said she's 15 years old. She's been dating this dude for a year. Is that what you said?

[F]

Right.

[D]

Well, she's almost 16. She's in 11th grade.

[A]

Okay, almost 16.

[D]

Right. And she's been seeing him for. He's been steady boyfriend for a year. Really cute, you know, what do they say? Hottie. He's a hottie.

[A]

Have you guys had. I mean, is she having sex with him? Have you guys had the talk about that, or are you just assuming so and you're gonna throw the whole you've got to be on birth control on her even though she may not even be thinking about having sex?

[D]

Well, you know, I sort of talked to her like I said. She did the big eyes and the shoulders attached to her ears, you know, like, you know, like kids don't want to talk to their parents, that kind of thing. But I mean, she's in 11th grade and, you know, so did she say what, are they still holding hands?

[F]

Just in case. Just in case.

[E]

Did she say, mom, I'm not doing it, or did she just avoid it?

[D]

She avoided it.

[E]

She's doing it. Yeah, I'll just answer that right now. Yeah. If she didn't scream and yell at you like, mom, I'm not doing it, or whatever, and she avoided you. She's doing it.

[D]

I gotta go do my homework. You know, that kind of thing.

[F]

Right?

[D]

Yes, she's doing. I think she is.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

You're right. Wouldn't, though, and I'll address this to Bert, but wouldn't Stacy making a decision about Hayden that you disagreed with and making it behind your back, like, be like, that would be one of, I would guess, one of the biggest fights that you would ever have in your relationship.

[A]

Yeah, that's the second part of this whole thing that we're gonna get to is that this is not a decision that I don't think that you're allowed to make on your own.

[E]

I just don't think that daddies can look at their daughters very objectively or realistically.

[B]

But it doesn't. I don't think that matters. Like, I think if you're making decision.

[A]

It'S your job to talk us into it then. I mean, because this is too big a decision. I mean, like a chemical decision. If you said it's a moral decision.

[B]

I'm trying to think of what, like, with hate, with Hayden. But like, if there was some life impacting decision, like, let's say you Guys decided that you were going to raise Hayden Jewish and not Catholic, and then you found. And you guys, you know, like, say, okay, that's fine, but we'll raise him.

[E]

Jewish doesn't have the same consequences. It's a difficult analogy.

[B]

But then behind your back, Stacey was taking Hayden to Catholic mass regardless of the circumstances.

[A]

Sure. Ideally. I mean, parenting, obviously, and so is marriage. It's a. It's a. It's teamwork. You guys are a team. So I don't. I don't think it's right that you make this decision by yourself or for your daughter without talking to your husband about it or doing this together. I think it's.

[B]

But she's already talked to him, and he said, no way.

[D]

Not only no way, we're not. We've been fighting about it, and he's not even speaking to me right now.

[A]

So that's really. I mean, there are two parts to attack here. There really are. Is A, is it appropriate for a mom to get her daughter on birth control? And B, if dad isn't cool with it, is it fine for mom just to go, you know what? This is something that you're never gonna get, but I realize how important it is. I'm gonna do it myself. So I guess there's two ways to attack it. What are your thoughts right off the bat, Jen?

[E]

Right off the bat, Absolutely. Your daughter needs to be on birth control pills. Absolutely. She needs to. So as far as, like, can a mother put her daughter on? Yes. I mean, a daughter at that. At that stage in her life is making adult decisions and needs some adult guidance and help with that, and if she can go to her mom and confide in her mom on what. What's. What she's doing sexually and, you know, and becoming sexually active and getting to a doctor, it's going to be the healthiest thing for that teenager. It's going to be the best decision for her. Um, as far as the dad goes, I mean, I think you still got to fight that battle, and I think you've got to be honest with him about what you're doing. I don't think that you can go behind his back, but I also don't think that fathers can look at their daughters objectively and realistically as much as mothers can, because, I mean, I just don't think that the dads can go, oh, oh, well, she's going to do it. I mean, dads can try to rule with an iron fist, but what dad doesn't realize is that's not gonna work. Him just saying, no, absolutely not. You can't have sex is not gonna keep her from having sex. So he could have a pregnant teenage daughter on his hands within the next year or two, and then what is ruling with an iron fist?

[A]

Done.

[B]

But under no circumstances, if dad says no, can you do that behind his back. Can't do it.

[E]

I think you've got to be honest with him. But I think you could defy him. I would defy. I would defy my husband. If I had a teenage daughter that I knew was sexually active and he was refusing to allow her to go on the pill, I would openly defy him.

[A]

What, so you would say, look, I.

[E]

Would say, I don't want to do.

[A]

This behind your back, but you're wrong here. And we're going to get.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

The birth control.

[E]

Yep.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, let me take a couple of calls. Sue, I'm going to put you on hold, okay. And then I'm going to turn the voice disguiser off. We'll take some calls, and then we'll come back to you. Okay?

[D]

Okay. I really appreciate this. Thank you so much.

[A]

Thanks for calling. Hold on one second.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

All right. And good morning. Taylor, you're on the Birch show. All the hits q100. Hi.

[F]

Good morning. How are you?

[A]

All right. What's up?

[D]

Good.

[F]

I just wanted to talk to the mom. Thank God she is pro birth control because I work in a health department, and that's kind of my solution for her husband. Bring him into a local health department and see all the children under 18 to 20 year olds pregnant. There's 13 and 14 year olds having kids, and it's not because we don't know that they're not doing it. It's because the parents aren't allowing birth control. The father. You have to do something to get that dad to put her on birth control.

[A]

It's a great way almost to shock somebody into seeing what the reality of it is to actually. If you could talk him into bringing him down to the health department to see who's in that waiting room.

[E]

That's a great idea.

[F]

You'll never realize it. Walk in the doors of any health department and you will see children with babies.

[A]

It's a great suggestion.

[E]

Great idea.

[A]

Thank you for calling. It's fantastic.

[E]

Because I think daddies always see their daughter, like, oh, not my daughter. Not, you know. Yeah, she's. She's in your mind. Do you guys remember that movie Father of the Bride? When they're at that dinner table scene and she looks at him and she Says dad, I'm getting married. And in his mind, looking back, it's this little four year old girl going, daddy, I'm getting married, or whatever. That's how dads are always gonna see their little girls.

[A]

Hey, Joy. Good morning. You're on the Burt show. All the hits. Q100.

[F]

Good morning. I support that mother 100%. When they say there are battles you have to pick.

[C]

This is one of those. You've got to pick.

[F]

You can't change the fact after she's.

[C]

Pregnant, you've got to prevent it.

[F]

But you also have to explain to them that you're not condoning their behavior. You're just trying to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

[A]

So let me ask you this. Let's say dad doesn't budge on this thing. No, no, no, no. Does she go around his back or does she just defiantly say, this is something that we've got to do and I'm sorry you feel badly about it.

[C]

You're protecting your child.

[F]

And that's the number one job that a parent has. And sometimes it's not going to make everybody happy.

[C]

But you have got to do your job to the best of your ability.

[F]

The problem with the birth control pills, she's got to talk to her about preventing STDs and other unwanted critters.

[A]

Unwanted critters.

[B]

But the problem is it's not only your child. Like you're protecting your child. No, protecting the child you have with your husband or your child.

[F]

But like Jen said, sometimes dads don't.

[C]

Have that objective opinion about their daughters.

[F]

They see them as the little girl they were raising and the little patent shoes. And they don't realize that the girls have come of an age where they are doing other things. And it's hard to admit, but it's easier to prevent it than it is to raise a child for 18 years.

[A]

You know, I'm struggling to try to think of a situation where a guy would have. The father would have so much more insight into a decision than a mom would. That if a mom said no, that a dad could say, this is the way it's gotta be done. You have to go my way on this because I know better and nothing's coming to me.

[E]

Like something that would be going on with a boy.

[A]

Maybe.

[B]

But I think you kind of said it right when you said it's mom's job to convince dad. And if that means take him to the, you know, health center or whatever it's called, the health clinic, if it means whatever it is, it's mom's job to do that. And that's. That should be her mission, not sneaking around behind his back.

[A]

Brittany here thinks it's a bad idea. Hey, Brittany.

[D]

Hey.

[B]

Hi.

[F]

I was actually just calling. You know, I'm actually still very young. I'm only 19 and I've had a lot of crazy, stupid boyfriends that act her daughter's age. I actually had a boyfriend for about a year, year and a half. And I think that if my parents had actually decided to put me on birth control because they thought I was doing something I wasn't, and if they would have asked me about it, I would have given them the big eyes and told them to leave me alone. No, of course not. But I really wasn't. And I think that if they had tried to put me on birth control, it would have been a very bad idea because that, because that's almost you giving into your daughter and saying, listen, it's okay, just do what you want, just be careful. I just want you to be careful. And if that's not what you want for your 15 year old daughter, I don't think that you should try to give her that kind of permission.

[A]

So without. So without knowing, as a 19 year old saying, without knowing for sure that your daughter is having sex, then don't make the suggestion or don't buy the pills because, because inevitably that will just be a green light to start having sex.

[F]

No, I think that instead she should just be honest with your daughter. But not if you go to a teenager about something like that. Just straight out say, you know, are you having sex? I need to know. I'm worried about. Just, you know, be honest, be careful with how you approach the subject because, you know, she's making adult decisions, but she's still partially a child. She's still, you know, trying to figure out what she's supposed to do. So be honest with her. Approach her in a way that she knows that you're gonna listen to her and you're gonna understand and help her with whatever, you know, she's going through. But I don't think that you should just blindly say, well, you've had a boyfriend for about a year, so here's some birth control. Because in a 15 year old's mind that says, oh, okay, cool, so I can have sex now. It's okay.

[A]

Jen, what did sue say about the conversation that she had with her daughter that made you say, oh, yeah, for sure she's having sex?

[E]

Well, because she just sort of like never answered it.

[A]

And if she wasn't having Sex. She would definitely say, look, I'm not even having sex.

[E]

Yeah, I mean, I think she'd be.

[B]

Embarrassed, but like, mom, I think it's mom call. I think it's the same thing. You can apply that anywhere in the world. Like if somebody accuses you of something that you blatantly did not. Did not do. No. Are you kidding?

[A]

No way.

[B]

Are you kidding me? I did not do that. I did not borrow your car. But if there's a chance that mom really knows the truth, then it's like, no, I didn't do that.

[A]

Hey, Sue. Hey, we gotta move on. But maybe the most valid suggestion, at least it looked like in this studio, was the first call that we took, right, from the woman that said if somehow, some way, you can get your husband to the health department and he could sit in that waiting room for a couple of minutes and you could see all the 13, 14, 15, 16 year old kids that are in there, maybe that might shock him into being more open about the birth control babies having babies.

[D]

Yeah, absolutely. I thought it was a great idea.

[E]

And I would not even tell him where you're going. I would just say, we gotta go somewhere. I need you to come with me. And don't bring your daughter. Just the two of you go and sit in the waiting room or, you know, make an appointment with somebody there and take him with you so that he can see it with his own eyes. But he might be defensive about it if you tell him where you're going.

[D]

Absolutely, absolutely. That was a great idea. You know, and I know that I can't do this behind his back. I think I always knew that in my heart. But, you know, I might have to do it, you know, in front of him and have him be mad at me. But, you know, I've got to do this. It's very important.

[B]

Just so you know, the way guys operate, what you can do is you just start talking about it non stop, day in, day out. This might take a little longer than, I don't know, say, the freaking zebra ottoman that Jessica wants. But if you stay in his ear about it, eventually he'll go, fine. Animal prints are okay. Let's have animal print everything.

[A]

You will beat us down. You will chip away and chip away and chip away at that.

[B]

Our house looks like a zoo. Whatever.

[A]

We'll be strong at first. We'll put up a good front at first, but, you know, it's just a matter of you chipping away and chipping away and chipping away. Why don't we go ahead and put.

[B]

Moose heads on the wall and make it look like a lodge.

[C]

I don't.

[A]

I don't care.

[B]

Just stop talking to me.

[A]

Look, I'm 11 years now into the relationship with my wife, and when she asks me for my input now, it's to a point where I say, stacy, why are you even asking? Cause I know if I say no in another two months, it's gonna happen anyway. So thank you for respectfully manipulating me. All right, Sue. Good luck.

[F]

Okay.

[D]

Thank you so much.

[A]

Bye now. Bye.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

This is the Bird show. Boost Mobile is now sending experts nationwide to deliver and set up customers new phones. Wait, we're going on tour?

[E]

We're delivering and setting up customers phones.

[A]

It's not a tour. Not with that attitude.

[E]

Introducing store to door switch and get a new device with expert setup and delivery.

[A]

Delivery available for select devices [e-mail] Morning, Zoe. Got donuts. Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage?

[C]

Well, I dig the mattress and I.

[A]

Want to be in a T mobile commercial like you teach me.

[C]

So.

[B]

Dana.

[E]

Oh no, I'm not really prepared.

[A]

I couldn't possibly at T Mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them.

[E]

It's designed to be the most powerful.

[A]

Iphone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system. Wow, impressive.

[C]

Let me try. T Mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got.

[A]

The best new network.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Jeffrey.

[B]

You heard them.

[A]

T Mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any condition. So what are we having for lunch?

[E]

Dude, my work here is done.

[A]

The 24 month bill credits on experience beyond for well qualified customers plus tax and 35 device connection charge credit send and balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel Finance agreement. IPhone 17 Pro 256 gigs 1099.99 and new line minimum 100 plus a month plan with auto PayPal taxes and fees required. Best mobile network in the US based on analysis by Ooklab Speed Test Intelligence data 1H 2025 visit t mobile.com the holidays mean more travel, more shopping, more time online and more personal info in more places that could expose you more to identity theft.

[B]

But Lifelock monitors millions of data points per second.

[A]

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