Full Show PT 3: Thursday, February 5 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Thursday, February 5 [Vault] Summary

Episode Overview

This episode dives into two major themes anchored in the hosts’ signature real, humorous, and authentic style. First, the team explores the world of “cheer moms” and the often-intense culture surrounding competitive cheerleading. Second, they present a “love lost and found” segment where an intern tries to reconnect with a girl he met at a camping trip. Throughout, the cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and others) offer candid reflections, listener calls, and playful banter.

---

Segment 1: The World of Cheer Moms (00:00–19:39)

Main Theme

A listener email sparks a deep-dive into the sometimes extreme parental behavior in competitive cheerleading, likened to the “stage dad” stereotype in many youth sports.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

• Listener Email and the 'Cheer Mom' Phenomenon

  • A mom writes in describing her shock at the highly competitive, at times toxic behavior of other “cheer moms.”
  • She’s observed moms yelling at daughters, gossiping, and even dressing in full cheer regalia (00:47–01:45).
    • “I’ve seen moms cake on their makeup and dress in cheer attire as though they are competing right alongside their daughters.” (Listener Email, 01:45)

• Hosts' Reactions

  • The idea of moms dressing as cheerleaders is met with disbelief and amused skepticism by the panel.
    • “Adult women go to cheer competitions, dress like cheerleaders?” – [C] (01:48)
    • “That right there is worth going to a cheer competition.” – [C] (01:55)

• Call-ins: Firsthand Accounts

  • Michelle, a New Cheer Mom:
    • Confirms intense parental involvement: “They take it really, really serious... You should be doing this. If my daughter's not doing this, I’m going to be leaving and going somewhere else.” (E, 03:36)
    • Equates the involvement to parents living through their children: “Oh, yes. Definitely.” (E, 04:13)
  • Susan, Another Listener:
    • Shares similar experiences across multiple counties: “It was just as bad… The cattiness and just... the mothers pitch and fits because they didn't like that particular person on their team.” (E, 04:57)
    • Stresses the harm for kids: “Parents need to take a step back and think, these are just kids and they just want to have a good time.” (E, 06:33)
  • Ashley, Cheerleading Coach:
    • Critiques the embarrassment for kids: “It is ridiculous and mortifying and embarrassing to those young girls for their mothers to be like that. The mothers are more into it than the girls are.” (E, 07:34)
    • Considers parental competitiveness driven by living through their kids and “bragging rights.” (F, 08:05)
  • Darren, Coach:
    • Describes the extremes: “They will literally dress from head to toe, exactly what Jeff says… They just don’t care. These parents are just totally over the top.” (D, 09:08)
    • Even dads get involved, with wild costumes and team color-matching hair: “There’s a couple dads that I saw that had mohawks, spray-painted blue and their wife’s hair were bright pink…” (D, 10:14)
    • Estimates: “40% sane and 60% hardcore, and they’re living a life through their kids.” (D, 10:46)

• Memorable Quote

  • “This is real cutthroat you’re talking about.” – [A] (18:52)
  • “Forget the hills. There should just be a show called ‘Cheer Mom.’” – [F] (11:12)

• Historical Perspective

  • Caller Kate shares the culture isn’t new:
    • Recounts intense competition and sabotage dating to the 1980s: “I was injured very badly... I lost homecoming queen... To this day, I still have arthritis... It was very psycho.” (E, 17:15–18:54)
    • Even dance squads had their own drama: “One of the mothers went to the school board and tried to turn her in to get her removed from the squad so that her daughter could move up.” (E, 18:14)

• Real Cheer Mom Speaks

  • Ashley, a self-identifying 'cheer mom':
    • Admits, “We get fully dressed up in our, you know, mom attire.” (E, 13:38)
    • Didn’t start out intending to participate: “You really get sucked into it. You don’t realize it.” (E, 13:51)
    • Draws the line at coach behavior: “If they were 15, I could be like, OK, be hard on them, that’s fine. But when you’re yelling at my 7-year-old... that’s a little over the top.” (E, 16:00)

Tone and Notable Moments

• The cast is both incredulous and entertained; there’s a balance between genuine concern for the kids and jest regarding “adult cheerleader” fashion.
• Multiple pleas for an adult who dresses like a cheerleader to call in, with promises of no ridicule (06:41–07:03).
• Empathy surfaces for parents’ involvement as a form of caring—even if it goes too far.

---

Segment 2: Love Lost and Found – Corey Tries to Reconnect (19:39–25:52)

Main Theme

Intern Corey wants The Bert Show’s help to find Jamie, a girl he met at a camping trip, resulting in both awkward and funny radio.

Key Points & Timeline

• Setup (19:39–20:26)

  • Corey shares details about Jamie—a student, going to Australia, not a great volleyball player—but has no way to reach her.
  • Bert and the team help track her down for a “second, first impression.”

• Awkward Reconnection (21:43–23:16)

  • Jamie is successfully reached on-air, confirming her identity through a humorous series of personal volleyball/Delta Sigma Pi/Australia questions.
    • “Are you five foot four?” – [A] (22:11)
    • “Five foot three. So. No.” – [E] (22:13)
  • When put on the spot, Jamie admits, “There had to be easier ways, though… Everyone else in the free world could find me, but…” (E, 23:13)
  • Asked if she was creeped out: “Yeah, just a wee bit.” (E, 23:29)

• Lighthearted Banter (23:38–24:52)

  • The hosts debate whether it’s worse to be disliked or not remembered at all.
  • Jamie says the effort was “sweet,” lightening the mood: “There’s just no winning is what I feel. Here.” (E, 23:50)
  • After friendly negotiation, Jamie and Corey agree to meet up before she leaves for Australia: “Are you going to take me out somewhere nice?” – [E], “Yes, I’ll pay.” – [D, E] (24:33–24:38)
  • General ribbing about Corey’s subpar flirting skills adds to the fun.

• Wrap-up (25:18–25:52)

  • Jamie affirms she’ll be in Australia until mid-June.
  • As Corey is put on hold, banter about a possible “hookup before she goes down under” (C, 25:25) closes the segment.

Notable Quotes

• “You want to at least make an impression, good or bad?” – [C] (21:27)
• “It wouldn’t creep you out if you thought he was really good-looking.” – [A] (23:33)
• “I think there’s a pretty good chance she’s going to get down under with you before she goes to Australia.” – [C] (25:25)
• “Cory, your game’s not very good today. I’m not gonna lie to you.” – [E] (24:47)

Tone

• Flirty, awkward, supportive, and ultimately lighthearted—classic Bert Show matchmaking with plenty of friendly teasing.

---

Takeaways & Themes

• Intensity of Parental Involvement: Competitive youth activities like cheerleading can incite extreme parental behaviors, sometimes overshadowing the kids’ enjoyment and wellbeing.
• Self-Awareness and Humor: Some “cheer moms” recognize and even embrace the absurdity—an attitude the hosts respect.
• Healthy Boundaries: The best involvement strikes a balance between enthusiasm and letting children be children.
• Vulnerability in Connection: The matchmaking segment is both cringe-inducing and sweet, demonstrating radio’s power to reconnect and amuse.

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–01:45 — Listener email on intense “cheer mom” culture
• 02:29–04:13 — Call-in (Michelle) confirms mom competitiveness
• 04:57–06:41 — More experiences of cheer drama in multiple counties
• 07:34–09:42 — Coaches and parents weigh in on over-involvement
• 12:00–16:10 — ‘Real’ cheer mom shares her journey and limits
• 17:13–19:15 — Historical stories of competitive mothers (1980s–90s)
• 19:39–25:52 — “Love lost and found” with Corey and Jamie

---

Final Thoughts

This episode balances its exposure of extreme cheer culture with empathy and humor, encouraging listeners to reflect on both the funny and worrying parts of parenting in competitive environments. The cheerful matchmaking segment is classic Bert Show—awkward, relatable, and always entertaining.

Transcript

[A]

The third show, I gotta read you guys an email because we've all seen the stereotypical like not stage dad, but you know, like 30, 40 year old husband that's pushing his son so hard in sports. And it's just so obvious in some cases that he's like living out his professional sports fantasy that he never got to do himself through his son.

[B]

Oh, absolutely. You see him on the soccer fields in the Little League all the time.

[A]

You see it. I mean, that's the cliche. Well, we've got one listener that has emailed that is seeing the same thing, but it doesn't have anything to do with boys and it doesn't have anything to do with dad's coaching. It has everything to do with cheering and cheer moms.

[B]

It's like a stage mom, but it's a cheerleader mom.

[A]

Yeah. And she's new to this world and she's seeing some things that aren't making sense to her. I'll read her email to you in just one second here. The email reads like this. Dear Bert, hi. I don't have the guts to call in, so I need your help with something. Besides, if I called in, I'm afraid I'd do my daughter some real social harm. My daughter is new to the whole cheer competition thing. I was never a cheerleader. In all honesty, I detested the cheerleaders and their cliques when I was growing up. That's why I'm not sure if my judgment is clouded or not. But it sure seems to me that the majority of the mothers of these cheerleaders are taking this way too seriously. I know the sports cliche is the father that is living his own dream while he pushes his son too hard into playing sports. But I'm beginning to think the same thing is happening with the moms in these cheer competitions. I've seen moms yell at their daughters. I've seen moms backstab each other right after they have a casual conversation with the same mother. I've seen moms cake on their makeup and dress in cheer attire as though they are competing right alongside their daughters.

[C]

You're telling a lie right now. You made that line up.

[A]

No, I didn't.

[C]

Adult women go to cheer competitions, dress like cheerleaders.

[A]

That is what she's saying. I have never been to one.

[C]

That right there is worth going to a cheer competition.

[A]

I bet that we have people that have gone that could either confirm or deny that.

[C]

I would risk the ridicule.

[D]

Shut up.

[B]

Moms.

[A]

Get over here.

[C]

Dress like cheerleaders.

[B]

Like, in the skirt and everything, or do they just wear the same colors? Because I can see a mom being supportive in the team colors.

[C]

I will go to a cheerleader, because isn't there one at the Georgia Dome? I'll go to that. The same reason people go to Dragon Con. Watch the show.

[A]

Who wants to go first?

[E]

I didn't see. Well, I used to do this. The competition, cheerleading back in, like, beginning of high school, elementary, middle school and stuff. And the moms.

[A]

I guess not.

[E]

I didn't see them in, like, not the cheer outfits, but total decked out as if they were, like, going on dates, like, completely. It's like a huge parade of moms just making sure they look the best, their daughters look the best, the teams look the best. Their colors, their buttons, the ribbons, everything. It was in crazy.

[A]

It's hardcore.

[E]

My mom hated it.

[B]

And my daughter's competition of mothers come dressed as cheerleaders.

[C]

No, they don't.

[B]

Yes, they do. No, they don't. They have the competitions, the little skirt and.

[F]

Oh, wow, pigtails.

[B]

Sometimes.

[C]

So will they dress in the same cheerleading uniform?

[B]

Yeah, pigtails. They are. Cheerleading is a very serious sport.

[E]

I get that.

[C]

I get that. So is football, but guys don't wear full football.

[A]

They're very serious.

[B]

And they will sit on the side when their daughter's team go and cheer. And they're kind of over there kind of doing a cheer with them, and they have the whole cheerlead outfit on. I mean, I can see everything up until. The outfit. Nah. Wow. The outfit and the pigtails.

[A]

Good morning, Michelle. You're on Q100. Hi.

[E]

Hi.

[A]

Hi.

[E]

I just wanted to say I'm new to the cheer mom thing, and it's a totally different world for me.

[A]

In what way?

[E]

The parents are. Well, not all the parents. Well, we have some dads, too, who are just into it, as the moms are, but they take it really, really serious. They're there. I mean, like, I grew up to call it full makeup and everything and just, you know, really into. Well, what team is your daughter on? It. You should be doing this. And if my daughter's not doing this and I'm going to be leaving and going somewhere else, they are. They just really take it.

[A]

So is the dad equivalent, like, because dad couldn't make it to the pros, and he's pushing his son to be, like, a football player or a baseball player, Is this just that moms can't cheer anymore because those days are behind them and they are living reliving those through their Daughters. Is that what's going on?

[E]

Oh, yes, definitely.

[C]

For the record, Bird hasn't even finished the email yet, have you?

[A]

There's only two lines left, and it's not nearly as shocking as that line I just gave you. I've seen moms cake on their makeup and dress in cheer attire. Michelle, you've seen that?

[E]

Yes.

[A]

As though they were competing right alongside their daughter. I don't think I've seen this type of stage mom discussed yet. And it also says, do I just need to change my daughter's cheer squad, or is this pretty typical? Thanks for the help. So do you think that different cheer squads in different parts of the city would be any different than where she is, or is this just kind of a broad feeling that you get?

[E]

I think it's all over. No matter where you are, you're gonna have that. No matter what gym you go to, you're gonna have those moms.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Beautiful.

[F]

Crazy.

[A]

Good morning, Susan, you're on Q100.

[E]

Okay. I can attest that in different counties, it's just as bad. I've got a seven year old daughter and we started doing the cheer thing when she was about four and a half. She was like a teen mascot. And that was in Gwinnett County. And they made us go to three days. I think it was an hour and a half practice per week, you know, and my daughter was, you know, four and a half, and they practice, they were so hard on her. They would all be sweating and the moms are all screaming at the kids to pay attention. And I'm like, it's too much for just. I mean, it was ridiculous. And then, you know, I took her out and I'm like, forget this after that year. And I decided to wait another year and we moved to Gainesville, to Hall county. And I thought, well, I'm going to try it out and see how this goes. It was just as bad. I mean, the practices weren't as much, but the cattiness and just, I mean, you know, when they switched the teams and all the kids got on their little team, they were mothers, pitch and fits because, you know, they didn't like that particular person on their team. So then they were raising heck. Oh, I don't want to be next to her. And, you know, I want to be on the better team. I don't want to be on this team. They're all new kids and.

[A]

And these are. These are five year olds you're talking about.

[E]

It's just out of control.

[C]

Can we please, please?

[E]

I think Parents need to take a step back and think, these are just kids and they just want to have a good time. They don't care about the competition part.

[C]

Can we please, please, please, please, please get a phone call from someone who dresses an adult who dresses like a cheerleader? Please, I promise I won't make fun of you. I just. I swear to God, I just want.

[F]

To know where they do it.

[C]

I swear I will just.

[D]

Nope.

[C]

I just want to listen.

[E]

I'm gonna ask them to come in so that you can look at that.

[C]

I just want to listen. I want you to explain why.

[A]

That's it.

[C]

I swear I won't even talk. Can we all swear not to make fun of him, please?

[A]

No. Please?

[B]

No, no, no.

[C]

Not when they're on the phone after the hang up. We can evaluate the call.

[A]

Okay? That's the brave thing, Melissa.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Did you just say we can evaluate.

[C]

The call right now? We're not going to make fun. We're going to evaluate the call.

[A]

Okay, Javi.

[B]

I can't laugh at all while she's talking.

[C]

Okay, all right.

[A]

Please. I promise we won't judge. We'll just evaluate the call when you're not with us. Anything upright.

[C]

We're not.

[A]

Yeah. Hey, Ashley, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[C]

Thank you in advance.

[E]

Hey, good morning, y'.

[F]

All.

[E]

I was a recreational cheerleading coach for 9, 10, and 11 year olds a few years ago. So I was on the outside looking in with all the parents because I wasn't a parent.

[D]

I was the coach.

[E]

And it is ridiculous and mortifying and embarrassing to those young girls for their mothers to be like that. The mothers are more into it than the girls are.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

It's that what's living through your kid.

[A]

I guess that's what it is, right? Because the. The time to cheer for moms gone. So to relive all those years, they're doing it through their five year old.

[E]

Absolutely.

[F]

And I think the dad's the same thing. It's not, you know, it's. It's what Bert said. Plus, you have your peer group and you have your bragging rights, and you have, you know, it's all about the parent. It's not about the kid.

[A]

Now I'm wondering when mom shows up to the competition in her adult cheerleading outfit, the celebrity hotline might be ringing right now.

[C]

I got it.

[A]

If the kids are, like, embarrassed like, mom, you can't be dressing like a cheerleader like me. I'm five years old.

[F]

The sad thing is, I don't think a Five year old's gonna protest as much as, I mean, I don't know. That's sad. And a four and a half year old at a practice for an hour and a half for what? To sweat and be yelled at? Like boot camp?

[B]

My daughter had competition and practice was Friday and they had to be there at six and we didn't leave till like 8:30 at night.

[F]

That is ridiculous.

[B]

Five and six year olds are exhausted. They cannot literally jump any more time. Practice is over.

[F]

Well, maybe that's the reason why the parents take them home. Just put them to bed.

[A]

Darren, Good morning. Your IQ 100. I run him. Hey.

[D]

Hey, Bert. How you doing, man?

[A]

Good, man. What's going on?

[D]

Not much. I'm a coach myself and I'm just talking from experience. These parents are a little bit over the top. They will literally dress from head to toe, exactly what Jeff says. At cheer sport in downtown Atlanta, one of the biggest competitions in the country. And they don't care. They, you know, they will back. They will totally go from head to toe. The parents are there 24, seven. You know, they're sitting at the gyms, they're talking behind each other's backs. They're friends one minute and then totally like bashing each other the next. You know, they just don't care. These parents are just totally over the top when it comes to cheerleading.

[F]

It's like mean girls.

[D]

Yeah, well, that time's five. Yeah, it's really bad.

[B]

I wonder if they ever have to stop at like the gas station on the way home and they're embarrassed to get out of the car in their cheerleading outfit. You know what I mean? Like when you dress up for Halloween and you're in your costume and you're going to the costume party, so you're gonna be fine when you go to the party, but you gotta stop off and like hit the mall real quick first and you're. Or for whatever reason you have to get out of the car. Like in a normal people setting. Like, do they get out in their cheerleader outfits? Imagine if they get pulled over and get a coke.

[C]

What if they got pulled over drunk and they hit.

[D]

You would mainly see, like, if you're in a competition, some of the dads even get involved. There's a couple dads that I saw that had mohawks, like spray painted blue and their wife's hair were bright pink to match their teen colors. And they're walking and their kids are just right behind them. Yeah, this is my dad. And blah, blah, blah. And it's causing all this attention, you're like, what in the world is going on?

[A]

Now, as a general rule, before we wrap it up, as a general rule, are most of the cheerleading moms pretty sane and pretty cool about it? And there's just a handful that are this hardcore or what percentage are we looking at?

[D]

I would say there's about 40% sane and 60% hardcore, and they're living a life through their kids.

[A]

And you've been doing this for how long now?

[D]

Going on 10 years.

[A]

10 years. And he says it's ridiculous. 50% are freaky crazy. We just stumbled onto this very dark world. Apparently, 60% of the moms that go to these things are a little over the top. 40%, they get it. They've got some perspective on it.

[F]

Forget the hills. There should be just show just called Cheer mom. And it just be this reality show about one of these things.

[A]

If they haven't done that, haven't done that already. The email that started this whole thing, just the one meat of the paragraph was this. It says, sure. Seems to me that the majority of the mothers of these cheerleaders are taking this way too seriously. I know the sports cliche is the father that is living his own dream while he pushes his son too hard in playing sports. But I'm beginning to think the same thing's happening to moms in these cheer competitions. I've seen moms yell at their daughters. I've seen moms backstab each other right after they have a casual conversation with the same mother. And this is the one that really threw us. I've seen moms cake on their makeup and dress in cheer attire as though they were competing right alongside their daughters. And Ashley says I'm one of those. Hey, Ashley.

[E]

Hello.

[A]

How are you?

[E]

I'm wonderful.

[A]

Okay. How old is your daughter?

[E]

My daughter is 7.

[A]

7 years old. And she's been cheering in these competitions for how long?

[E]

Well, technically, this. This will be her third year doing it. Her first year was like the caller you had earlier. She competes in Gwinnett county, and they allow the kindergartners to be like mascots for the cheerleading squad. So this will actually be her third year competing in cheerleading, but she's only in second grade.

[A]

Do you agree or disagree with the coach that we had on earlier that said 60% of you guys are loco?

[E]

I agree. I thoroughly agree. We go to competition every year, and it's. It's a pretty big deal. Cheerleading competition is a pretty big deal. Last year it was. Yeah, it was. It was pretty insane. It Was pretty insane. The parents get really intense.

[B]

I'd like to hear more about the costumes.

[E]

There is actually. There's actually a shop in Gwinnett county that I know. Most of the athletic associations have their own shop where you can go get customized things for your team and your squad. And there's one in Gwinnett county that you can buy all the way from a brand new preemie baby girl cheerleading outfit. A full grown mother cheerleading outfit. And I have twins, actually. I have a little boy who is actually on the football team that my daughter cheers for. And then I have my sister in law who has a niece that is two weeks older than my daughter and she's also on the cheerleading squad. So we get fully dressed up and our, you know, mom attire.

[F]

So you and your sister in law wear your cheerleading outfits while your children cheer?

[E]

That is correct. Y' all can chastise me. I know, because when, when my daughter.

[F]

We made a promise. We made a promise there will be no chastising.

[E]

You know, it's fine because when my daughter went into it and in kindergarten as a mascot, I looked at these moms going, oh, my goodness, what have I got myself into? But you, you really, I think Jen said it earlier, you just, you get sucked into it. You don't realize it. And I know I might be the only mom that's brave enough to call, but I'm definitely not the only mom that.

[F]

Does it sound like the mafia?

[A]

We're assuming that you were exactly. You were a cheerleader when you were younger.

[E]

I was. I was a cheerleader from first grade all the way through high school, except for my senior year. And that is because I had my daughter, but she was right there with me and I didn't care.

[A]

Do you get a, like, are you sort of like reliving like your past glory cheering days through your daughter now?

[E]

I don't.

[B]

Because she did steal that last year away from you.

[E]

No, but that's fine. I wouldn't give my daughter up for any cheerleading thing in the world.

[A]

Maybe you would.

[E]

Maybe. No, I wouldn't. I don't. I don't think I, I live it through her because I, I kind of get aggravated at her coaches sometimes because they are so hard on them because they are seven years old and seven year old girls aren't going to stick it and their arms aren't going to be straight and they're going to fall when they, you know, do their cartwheels and their legs aren't going to be perfect. And some of the coaches My sister in law and I had to get onto the coaches. Like, look, they're seven, they're not going to be perfect.

[C]

Really?

[E]

Well, we want to show our support for them. And my husband's just as bad at the football games. He doesn't dress up in football attire, but he's out there just as team dad if you don't want.

[C]

When do you plan on starting to teach them that perfection is a good thing?

[E]

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.

[C]

Well, don't you think right now by letting them know that mediocrity exists, then you're setting them up for a lifetime of just being average? And wouldn't you want them to excel? And don't you think that's what the coaches are trying to do and you're screwing it up?

[E]

If they were 15, I could be like, okay, you know what, be hard on them, that's fine. But when you're yelling at my 7 year old because she bent her legs doing a cartwheel, that's a little over the top.

[C]

Maybe your 7 year old's legs should be straight when she's doing a cartwheel.

[A]

Ashley, thank you for calling.

[E]

Not a problem.

[A]

Bye bye.

[E]

Bye.

[A]

At least she. That's like stepping in a loco. You know how we do? We're stepping in a psycho. Like you see it and you don't care. You just go in. There's something endearing about her because she's.

[C]

Embraced it and she knows. She's like, you guys.

[B]

Are you evaluating the phone call now?

[A]

I think that's what we're doing.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I got no evaluation because she was so honest about it. She was like, if there was, if.

[F]

She was, she didn't have attitude.

[B]

If you take a step back, I mean, there could be worse things. There are lots of parents that neglect their children. So the fact that these parents are uber involved is great. You know, it is great that they're this involved in their kid's life. It's a little over the top if you ask me, but it's better than not being involved at all.

[F]

Well, I think for her too. She also said that she thinks it's too much to yell at her seven year old for not sticking it or not having her legs straight. But if she had been the mom to come in and say that my daughter needs, you know, like if she was critical of her own daughter because of it, I think that's just as much neglect as anything else. If you are too hard on your kid that young.

[A]

Hey Kate.

[E]

Yes, good Morning.

[A]

You're on Q100. Hi.

[E]

Hi. I was gonna mention that this is really not a new trend, though. I cheered for 10 years back in the 80s, early 90s. And we had mothers back then that were stepping into psycho quite frequently. I was actually injured very badly. I was up for homecoming court. We did a combination of voting and earning points for attending, doing fundraisers, going to regionals. And we were doing our photo shoot for our regional picture. And one of the mothers had their daughter, who I was on her back because I was. I'll put it nicely, I was lighter than she was. And the daughter threw me off the back. And I injured my knee very badly. And I was out for six weeks with surgery. I lost homecoming queen. I couldn't participate in regionals. My alternate had to step up. And to this day, I still have arthritis very bad in that knee from that injury. I continued to cheer after I recovered, but it was very psycho.

[B]

That is so Tonya Harding.

[A]

It is. Man.

[E]

And the alternates, mothers aren't any better because where I came from in Florida, our alternates, the girls that didn't make cheerleading squad would comprise the dance squad that was the B squad. And when something would happen like my injury, one of the dance squad girls would get to move up and be a cheerleader for a time. And we had a mother that was actually dating a very young teacher at our school. And somehow, amidst the pillow talk, he let it slip that he had actually been with one of the cheerleaders. Oh, no. And the mother went to the school board and tried to turn her in to get her removed from the squad so that her. Her daughter could move up from the dance squad.

[C]

Wow.

[F]

Wow.

[A]

This is real cutthroat you're talking about.

[E]

Yeah, it was really, really bad.

[F]

Remember that? There's one there, a story out of Texas where mother had to go to trial because she plotted to kill her daughter's cheer mate.

[A]

Or forgot about that. See, I thought, like, the cheerleading just against each other was fairly new, like. But you're saying this was in the 80s also for a while, yeah.

[E]

Yeah. It makes me very glad that now that I'm a mother, I have both boys.

[A]

Right. Wasn't there a time, though, like, that the cheerleading squads were based out of cheerleaders that were rooting for existing teams and not just squads just for the sake of being squads.

[C]

That's a cheerleading start. It has, but now it's like competition. There might be a school that doesn't even have a football team now.

[A]

It's its own sport.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

The Third show. Intern Corey called up and he wanted to do a love lost and found. There was this girl he met and he really wanted to try to track her down. So this was about 30 seconds of the show.

[D]

Her name is Jamie and she's a senior at Georgia right now. She, I guess, graduates at the end of the summer. From what I found out, she's going to Australia this summer. She's from the Peachtree City area. You know, brunette, brown hair. We were on a camping trip in Helen, Georgia.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Get down there and come to find out. A business fraternity actually was kind of hosting it. It was a Delta Sigma PI from Georgia. So we're setting up. They're like, hey, let's play some volleyball. You know, there's this really cute girl on my team. Start playing. Come to find out, she's absolutely horrible. Volleyball, she sucks. She cost us the game.

[A]

So on Saturday night, do you guys hook up at all?

[D]

No. Wake up Sunday. Get my stuff packed. So I didn't get a chance to close it, unfortunately.

[A]

So they leave at different times and Corey's just left there hanging just thinking about this girl. Hey, Cory.

[D]

Hey, what's going on, y'? All?

[A]

How you doing, dude?

[D]

Not too bad.

[A]

I told you we'd hook you up, man. Now you've had 24 hours to think about this. Like, yeah, the second first impression here is gonna be very big.

[D]

Gotcha.

[A]

Okay, so do not joke.

[C]

Well, she could maybe. What if she's not single?

[A]

It could be also, but at least you'll have closure.

[D]

Mm, exactly.

[C]

What if she hated you?

[D]

I mean, that's possible.

[A]

Would it be worse to be not liked or to not be remembered? Like, if she's like, I have no idea who you are, dude, Is that even worse than going, Yeah, I remember him. I just don't dig him.

[D]

Oh, that's a tough call. That's 50. 50? I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, he's like six to one half dozen.

[A]

I think I'd rather be not liked.

[F]

And then not remember.

[C]

You want to at least make an impression, good or bad?

[A]

Yes, I know you. I'm just rejecting you because the not knowing you at all is a rejection in itself. It's like you got no chance there either. Alright, so let's get you on with her. Good morning, Jamie.

[E]

Yeah, hi.

[A]

How are you?

[E]

Good.

[A]

All right, Jamie, we just need to confirm a couple of things with you just to make sure you're the right Jamie. Were you camping in Helen not so long ago?

[E]

Yes, I was.

[A]

Are you part of Delta Sigma PI?

[E]

Yes, I am.

[A]

Okay. You from Peachtree City?

[E]

Yes.

[F]

You suck at volleyball.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Are you going to Australia this summer?

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Do you have short brown hair?

[C]

Okay, it's probably her.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Are you five foot four?

[E]

Five foot three? So. No.

[A]

No, it's not her. Dude. Cory. Jamie. Jamie. Corey.

[D]

Hey, Jamie. It's about time. I wanted to actually thank you for losing that game for me.

[E]

Thanks. I mean, I know my serve was pretty awesome.

[C]

We had Cory on the air with us yesterday, Jamie, and he was explaining how he's in love with you.

[A]

No, he didn't.

[D]

Why you jumping the gun on that one there, buddy?

[A]

You are starting to establish a pattern of just being an awful wingman.

[B]

It's annoying.

[A]

It's really annoying me now.

[C]

What are you talking about? Women, like love.

[A]

You just should be like. I mean, you should be embracing hooking up single guys because there should have been somebody like us around when we were single to help us out.

[B]

True.

[A]

And here you are. Jamie, do you.

[C]

Jamie, do you want to be in love?

[E]

Sure. Yes.

[C]

Would you like to be in love with Corey tonight?

[E]

Why not?

[C]

Thank you.

[D]

I need Wendy to back me up here, you know.

[C]

It's done. She said she would make love to you tonight.

[A]

Jamie, do you remember Corey?

[E]

Yes. Yeah, I do. There had to be easier ways, though.

[A]

What do you mean?

[E]

About finding me?

[A]

I don't know. Oh, yeah. How else could he have done it?

[E]

I don't know. Everyone else in the free world could find me, but.

[A]

Oh.

[E]

Oh, no.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Did it creep you out a little bit?

[E]

Yeah, just a wee bit.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[A]

It wouldn't creep you out if you thought he was really good looking. If he was.

[D]

I knew where this is going.

[A]

Here's the fine line here. Like when a guy is pursuing you, it's only creepy if you don't think he's hot. But if you think he's hot, then it's flattering.

[E]

No, it was sweet. It was.

[A]

So what she just said is she thinks you're hot.

[E]

There's just no winning is what I feel. Here.

[A]

Welcome to the bird show. All right, so you do remember him. And are you currently dating anybody?

[E]

No, I'm currently single.

[F]

Okay.

[A]

All right, Corey, it's all yours. Take it when you like. Here.

[D]

Well, actually, I'm going to be in Sydney probably next week and got some free time around 2:32 mountain time. You want to do something then?

[E]

Sure. Ooh. I may be in the outback at that time, though.

[A]

Are you leaving for that trip really soon?

[E]

Sunday.

[B]

Oh, you better make it happen quickly.

[A]

Here Cory.

[D]

Yeah? We need to move on this.

[E]

Yes.

[D]

So what's your availability?

[E]

I have today.

[D]

You have today? Ooh. I mean, are you going to take me out somewhere nice? Sure.

[E]

Yes, I'll pay. Okay.

[D]

All right, well, maybe I can pencil you in then.

[E]

Good. Thanks.

[B]

Cory, your game's not very good today.

[E]

I'm not gonna lie to you.

[A]

I like his tact. All right, so, Corey, what I'll do is I'll put you on hold, and, Jamie, I will give you Corey's phone number, and if you want to call him later on today and set something up, then we can do it that way.

[E]

Cool.

[A]

Because I don't entirely trust him with your phone number.

[B]

Thank you, and have a great trip to Australia.

[E]

Yeah, well, than.

[B]

That's so cool.

[A]

Hold on, Jamie. Okay, Jamie, how long you leaving for? Just the whole. Just the summer?

[E]

Yeah, till the middle of June.

[A]

Okay. Hold on. All right. There you go.

[D]

Dude, I don't think that went too bad, huh?

[C]

I think there's a pretty good chance she's gonna get down under with you before she goes to Australia.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

I mean, I don't think the whole wealth thing there just threw me under at all. I think that worked out fine.

[A]

Virto always has your back.

[D]

I like it. I like. I feel like I'm a member of the team. Now.

[C]

Don't get carried away.

[A]

Until you've been shut out by the Burt show, you're not part of the team. All right, Cory, let me put you on hold, man. We'll get the phone number for you.

[D]

All right? Thanks, Bert.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Bye.

[E]

Get it?

[A]

The Burt Show.