The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Tuesday, December 16 [Vault]

Original Air Date: December 16, 2025
Main Theme: Engaging, humorous, and real conversations on social norms, church etiquette, authenticity in relationships, the soulmate debate, and discovering your stage persona vs real life.

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into two major themes:

1. Church Etiquette and Judgment: Hilarious and real stories from listeners about being kicked out of church for various reasons, sparking a discussion on social norms, hypocrisy, and regional differences in religious practice.
2. Soulmates and Relationship Honesty: An emotional debate on whether listeners believe they’re married to their true “soulmate,” featuring candid and sometimes heartbreaking calls about emotional affairs, temptation, and the nature of true love.

In classic Bert Show style, these deep discussions are interspersed with lots of laughs—culminating in a playful roast and exploration of co-host Jeff’s “on-air” vs “on-stage” personalities.

Key Segments & Insights

1. Getting Kicked Out of Church – Social Norms & Double Standards

Timestamps: 01:32–14:45

• Host Commentary: The segment opens with the crew joking about what could actually get someone thrown out of church, riffing on large hats, noise violations, or rolling in drunk after a big night out.
  • “There couldn’t be a longer walk of shame than being kicked out of church.” — [C, 02:33]

Notable Callers and Stories

• Colleen’s Mini-Skirt Scandal:

  • Colleen calls in, embarrassed, to share she and her boyfriend were asked to leave church for her “mini-skirt” (which she maintains was tasteful).
  • “As far as they know, we were still there. But then he and I were asked to leave.” — [F, 02:50]

• Hosts’ Reactions:

  • A discusses the importance of showing respect when dressing for church, while C argues for inclusivity:
    • “You should be able to wear whatever you want to church because under the eyes of God...he’s pretty cool about it. But...they’ve got a lot of kids there. I could see how the church could be sensitive.” — [C, 03:45]

• Ashley’s Inclusive Church Experience:

  • Ashley calls in from Douglasville, contrasting Colleen’s story with her own church, which has welcomed “strippers, drunk people, hookers—everyone.”
    • “We were always taught to love anyone who comes in our church, no matter what.” — [F, 06:34]

• Regional Differences:

  • Stacey from California reflects on how “cover up” standards really amped up after she moved South, even being asked to cover up as a 12-year-old:
    • “It totally affects a 12-year-old...but that's what you’re dealing with ‘cause church is for everyone.” — [F, 07:53]
  • Conversation pivots to whether this is a Southern thing or just certain conservative denominations, with acknowledgment that experiences can vary even within the same city.

• Another Unjust Ouster:

  • Paula recounts being asked to step out of her nephew’s christening with her non-crying three-month-old daughter. The congregation largely sides with her, apologizing for the minister’s actions.
    • “There must have been 50 people who apologized for his bad behavior.” — [F, 10:58]

• Closing Thoughts:

  • Brandy, a proud Southern Catholic, clarifies “My priest is happy to fill pews on a Sunday morning. He does not care if I come in there in hot pants and a tank top. As long as I am there, he is happy.” — [F, 11:32]

2. Soulmates: Married, but Not With ‘The One’

Timestamps: 14:45–30:41

• The hosts introduce the theory of “the one” soulmate—and the painful reality for those married to someone else.
  • “If you’re not with that one person, that means you’re married to someone that's not the best person for you...Is anybody willing to admit that?” — [C, 14:45]

Listener Stories:

• Caller #1:

  • Married 17 years with 4 kids but swears she met her soulmate—someone she only met four years ago. Despite mutually knowing they’re soulmates, she stays with her family.
  • “He did something to my skull. He did something deep inside that just blew my mind.” — [D, 15:16]
  • Admits to an affair, but now avoids contact out of loyalty and necessity.
    • “It’s torturous no matter what. It just kills my insides.” — [D, 17:33]
  • Contemplates how she’d want her husband to handle it if the roles were reversed:
    • “I would be crushed. But since it’s happened to me, I know what it feels like.” — [D, 18:49]

• Hosts Reflect on the Concept:

  • The team debates whether the soulmate fantasy can be a “cop-out” or bypass for doing the work in a relationship.
    • “I think the danger in the theory of a soulmate is...people totally disregard the person they’re with because they’re thinking the perfect person’s out there.” — [A, 20:06]
    • “If you’re not in tune with yourself, how can you recognize a soulmate when you don’t even recognize your own?” — [A, 20:37]

• Caller #2 (Voice Disguised):

  • Another caller maintains a “soulmate” relationship with a coworker—no physical affair, but deep emotional intimacy.
    • “And I share every intimate detail of my life with this man, and vice versa.” — [D, 25:59]
    • The hosts press: “That, to me, is a form of infidelity.” — [C, 26:44]
  • She insists she’s not cheating as they've never been physical, but acknowledges the sadness and longing.

• Philosophical Musings:

  • The hosts move toward acceptance, questioning whether soulmates can simply be platonic, and pondering if pursuing “the one” means undervaluing what you already have.
    • “As humans...we are arrogant to think we know what’s perfect for us. A soulmate doesn’t necessarily have to be an intimate partner.” — [A, 28:39]
    • “There’s no waste in the universe. The fact that your life is the way it is, that’s what’s meant to be at the moment.” — [A, 29:00]
  • Callers and hosts agree: heartbreak and temptation are universal, but living authentically means shutting down fantasy if it endangers what’s most important.

3. The Jeff Dollar Paradox: Off-Air vs On-Stage

Timestamps: 33:34–45:00

• Hosts tease Jeff for his sugar high:

  • “Jeff is the only one in the room that doesn’t like, drink coffee, doesn’t have caffeine.... He’s high on sugar right now.” — [A, 33:56]

• Exploring Jeff’s Personality:

  • They playfully analyze “the many layers” of Jeff: mild-mannered and verbose off-stage, but a hyped “Grandmaster Jeff” during public events.
  • “This is Mr. Hyde coming up.” — [A, 38:18]

• Clips of Jeff at Club Vision:

  • Listeners and co-hosts are floored by Jeff’s transformation into a boisterous, party-rocking emcee, ordering the crowd to “make some noise!”
    • “That is not our Jeff right there, man.” — [C, 39:13]
    • “Who are you? ... Who is that guy and what did he do with Jeff?” — [F/A, 39:18]
  • Live caller: “He was Dr. Jekyll in this high. When he's on the Burt show every day I listen, he is so calm...But Saturday night, it was all about Jeff.” — [F, 41:27]
  • The team jokes about Jeff becoming the “disco evangelist” and imagines his Saturday night club gig as a religious revival.

• Jeff’s Own Take:

  • He explains that being on stage suits his introversion, since “I’m perfectly happy talking to people and they can’t talk back.” — [B, 38:21]
  • The segment is peppered with self-mockery, laughter, and mock-seriousness about Jeff’s “VIP” energy and his “savant” transition from radio calm to party emcee.

Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• On Church Dress Codes & Judgment:

  • “Church isn’t supposed to be a fashion show...but I mean, again, in church, that’s...when you...yeah. I don’t think anybody’s gonna ask you to leave for something being two inches above the knee.” — [A, 04:47]
  • “We were always taught to love anyone who comes in our church, no matter what.” — [F/Ashley, 06:34]
  • “My priest is just happy to fill pews...as long as I am there, he is happy. And if I don’t show up...he’d be like, ‘why don’t you come in your underwear?’” — [F/Brandy, 11:32]

• On Soulmates & Relationship Dilemmas:

  • “It’s torturous no matter what. It just kills my insides.” — [D, 17:33]
  • “If you’re not in tune with yourself, how can you recognize a soulmate when you don’t even recognize your own?” — [A, 20:37]
  • “If I knew my husband was laying there with me thinking about another woman, how would you feel?” — [A, 26:57]
  • “As humans...we are arrogant to think we know what’s perfect for us. A soulmate doesn’t necessarily have to be an intimate partner.” — [A, 28:39]

• On Public Persona vs Private Self:

  • “Once you put a microphone in Jeff Dollar’s hand and he gets up on any stage...he becomes Grandmaster Jeff.” — [C, 36:07]
  • “Who is that guy and what did he do with Jeff?” — [A, 39:18]
  • “You are the disco evangelist...when did he graduate from seminary?” — [C/F, 44:05]

Segment Timestamps for Quick Reference

• Church Stories (judgment, inclusion vs exclusion): 01:32–14:45
• Soulmate Dilemmas, Emotional Affairs, Relationship Talk: 14:45–30:41
• Jeff Dollar: Sugar Highs & Stage Persona: 33:34–45:00

Summary & Takeaways

• Authenticity Reigns: Whether it’s clothes at church, handling forbidden love, or decrypting a colleague’s alter ego, the Bert Show crew and listeners bring raw, honest stories to the table.
• Community & Humor: Difficult or awkward topics are tackled with empathy, but always keep room for lighthearted banter (and a little self-roasting).
• Philosophical, Not Theoretical: Even “soulmates” gets the real-world test, and assumptions about religion, relationships, and even our own personalities are up for questioning.

The Bert Show once again delivers a mix of laughs, introspection, and truly memorable listener stories, making for an engaging and compelling episode for fans old and new.

For more, check out www.thebertshow.com or call 1-855-BertShow to be part of the conversation!