The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Tuesday, December 2 [Vault]

Published Dec 2, 2025 | Podcast by Pionaire Podcasting

Episode Overview

This episode features the Bert Show team delivering their signature blend of humor, real-life drama, and audience participation. The main theme centers around helping listeners craft “crisis PR plans” — creative excuses or spins for sticky, embarrassing, or damaging situations in their personal lives. The cast takes calls from listeners needing advice, brainstorms wild and plausible excuses live on air, and examines the lines between truth, lies, and the art of the alibi. The episode also features a deep dive into a MySpace-era stalking drama, unpacking digital safety and the psychology of manipulation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Crisis PR Plan” Concept

(01:05 – 06:50)

• The cast jokes about the need for public relations “spin” in everyday life, not just for celebrities.
• They invite listeners with embarrassing situations to call in and let the team devise a plausible (if not entirely honest) way out.
• The team references celebrity scandals (Faith Hill, Britney Spears, Charlie Sheen) for inspiration.
• Discussion opens with a wild example: a listener named Ethan’s infidelity is exposed by his girlfriend, who then threatens to blast his workplace with evidence.

Notable Quotes:

• “Isn’t it the job of a publicist to create believable lies?” – F, (02:26)
• “This guy would be perfect. This is the call we took about an hour ago. And we'll continue to take your calls right now to help you out.” – F, (03:06)
• “There are some that are so bad where I think the publicist would have to say, dude, you just gotta come clean.” – F, (05:06)

Live Spin for “Ethan”

• The hosts try to turn the tables and blame-shift: suggesting Ethan spin his predicament as a result of his untrustworthy, possibly manipulative ex.
• Over-the-top suggestions include accusing the girlfriend of fabricating emails/photos and spinning it as a privacy violation.

2. A Listener Crisis: The Old Photo Dilemma

(06:55 – 18:51)

• Caller “Gabby” asks for PR help: her boyfriend found a recent photo of her with her ex (taken with a camera gifted by her current boyfriend) in her car.
• The cast grills Gabby for details, attempting to engineer innocent-sounding explanations.

Notable Brainstorming Approaches:

• Pretend it was an old memory stick in a new camera (debunked, as it was a film camera).
  (09:50 – 10:10)
• Say it was just a random run-in at the mall.
• Suggest taking a photo to avoid misinterpretation if others saw them together.
• Blame a friend for accidentally including the picture.

Notable Quotes:

• “It takes a village to lie.” – G, (11:50)
• "Why would I take a picture if something was... She just needs to reverse psychology and make him think about. Just get into his head." – Pam, (17:36)

Resolution:

• The cast concludes the best shot is for Gabby to say she ran into her ex by chance, and took the photo to prove to her boyfriend nothing inappropriate happened (13:03 – 14:40).
• Backup excuse: She was making fun of her ex’s new look to her girlfriends.

3. The MySpace Stalker Mystery

(20:35 – 33:20)

• Listener “Anika” recounts a deeply unsettling story involving her sister, a persistent online stalker, and her boyfriend.
• The stalker threatens, harasses, and supposedly uncovers private info — but the team gradually realizes the “stalker” may in fact be the boyfriend, orchestrating everything to play the hero and control the relationship.

Chronology & Investigation:

• Anika’s sister is targeted after an online breakup; harassment intensifies, including doxxing.
• Her boyfriend confronts the stalker, who is “impressed” and vanishes. Later, the stalker’s presence re-occurs under suspicious circumstances.
• The cast unpacks the digital breadcrumbs, zeroing in on how only the boyfriend could know certain details.
• They discuss social engineering, password recovery, and the alarming scenario of fabricated threats as a manipulation tactic.

Notable Quotes:

• “Either way, you got a problem on your hand. You have a legitimate stalker or you got a psycho boyfriend.” – F, (28:17)
• “I guarantee you can make the stalker go away… just tell your sister to tell the boyfriend her friend’s an FBI agent and the FBI is investigating. I guarantee you'll never hear from the stalker again.” – E, (32:36)

Advice & Action Steps:

• Save all correspondence.
• Test the password recovery process to expose falsehoods.
• Threaten to involve authorities to pressure a confession or forced silence.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Crafting Excuses

• “A Hollywood publicist would find us… What would Charlie Sheen’s publicist do?” – C, (05:14)

Reverse Psychology Tactics

• “If there was something I was trying to hide, why would I take a picture? Duh.” – Pam, (17:36)

Diagnosing Red Flags

• “The only explanation for that… psycho boyfriend.” – C and F, (28:29, 31:43)

On Manipulation

• “He did something equally cruel… so that's why I'm kind of suspicious.” – B, (27:25)

Timestamps – Important Segments

• 01:05 – “Crisis PR Plan” concept introduced
• 03:18 – Ethan’s cheating scandal & publicist-style spin ideas
• 06:55 – Gabby’s “photo with the ex” dilemma starts
• 13:00 – Cast crafts possible excuses for Gabby
• 20:35 – Anika calls in with the MySpace stalker story
• 27:25 – Hosts hypothesize the boyfriend is the stalker
• 32:36 – Advice to “scare off” the stalker by name-dropping the FBI

Final Thoughts

This episode demonstrates The Bert Show’s skill at blending humor with real empathy and problem-solving. The cast shows off their quick-witted improvisation skills, especially when brainstorming (sometimes truly wild) crisis management tactics. The MySpace saga closes on a serious note, highlighting dangers in online relationships and the need for vigilance in the social media era.

Listeners seeking comedic relief, life advice, and a glimpse into the sometimes-absurd world of modern crisis management will find this episode both entertaining and thought-provoking.