Full Show PT 3: Tuesday, December 9 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show: Full Show PT 3 [Vault] — Tuesday, December 9, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show brings listeners a signature mix of entertaining and relatable segments. The team delivers authentic conversations around dating standards, worst-case parenting stories, and the drama surrounding a “recycled proposal.” The interactions highlight the cast's trademark humor, honesty, and willingness to discuss taboo or awkward topics, inviting listeners to weigh in via calls and personal anecdotes.

Hosts featured: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, plus Melissa, Jen, Ashley, and guest callers.

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Key Segments and Discussion Points

1. Ashley’s Search for a High-Roller Date

(02:03–13:16)

Summary

Ashley returns for a follow-up on her honest (and controversial) criteria for men: looks, height, wealth, and high standards for being pampered. The group plays messages from four suitors responding to Ashley's criteria, and she chooses the “rich guy” for a date. The segment is playful, a bit tongue-in-cheek, and full of both self-awareness and gentle teasing from the cast.

Highlights & Quotes

• Ashley’s Criteria
  • "I'm 5'10, dark hair, blue eyes. I definitely need a tall guy, over 6'2…Well, I mean, I want a guy to flaunt his money around me. I do have to be pampered. I do have to be taken out. I do have to be shown a good time or else, you know, what's the point?" — Ashley (02:21)
• Melissa Defends Ashley's Honesty
  • "She's honest about what she feels. She knows what she wants … there's a lot of women in Atlanta who are after the very same thing every Friday and Saturday night." — Melissa (02:51)
• The 'Swirl' Exchange
  • “You down with the swirl?” — Caller William (03:23)
  • “Do you mean do I date black guys?...No, I'm sorry.” — Ashley (03:32)
• The Suitor Messages
  • Chad: young, 6'0", not rich, parents have money, drives a Mustang.
  • Randy: 22-year-old firefighter, lacks detail in his message.
  • William: 25, lives in Buckhead, eats at fine restaurants, drives multiple luxury cars—impresses Ashley.
    • “Atlanta's full of a lot of $40,000 millionaires, but I'm truly the real deal. Live in a high rise in Buckhead, eat at fine restaurants seven nights a week. Let's party it up.” — William (06:36)
  • Frank: self-deprecating, mentions he's 5'10" and doesn’t work out.
• Ashley's Choice
  • "Definitely the guy with the cars." — Ashley (09:24)
• Cohost Banter
  • “Like in the purse.” — Jen, after Ashley’s excitement about William (07:42)
  • “You want to make the switch to T-Mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.” — Mrs. Claus (00:32) [Notable parody ad moment]

Notable Moments & Timestamps

• Ashley's expectations describe her as “high maintenance,” but her unapologetic stance is both criticized and praised. (02:21, 02:51)
• The team’s playful disbelief: only four calls come in after Ashley's segment, far fewer than usual for a “Single Girl Pager.” (04:43)
• Ashley’s almost-blasé reaction to firefighter Randy and her delight with William, the wealthy guy, showcases the group's dynamic and comedic commentary. (06:02–08:47)
• The “down with the swirl” exchange and confusion over slang terms adds humor and exposes generational/cultural gaps. (03:23–03:53)
• After making her pick, Ashley and William banter about expectations for the first date (fancy dinners and shopping). (12:30)

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2. Worst Parenting Stories

(16:39–24:34)

Summary

Listeners and hosts share tales of bad or questionable parenting—from prioritizing clothes over affection, to forced public discipline, to old-school punishment and questionable “gifts” from parents. The segment is a blend of the hilariously absurd and the genuinely thought-provoking.

Highlights & Quotes

• Neglectful Mom
  • “[The] kid rushes up to hug the mother. And then the mother scolds the child because she wrinkled her clothes.” — Melissa (16:42)
• Daycare Breastfeeding Incident
  • “Pulls down her shirt and proceeds to feed himself. And the boy was three years old…” — Jamie (17:21)
• Dubious Fatherly Advice
  • “His idea of advice to my boys is telling them if you're gonna do it, just don't get caught.” — Jamie (18:21)
• Military Dad Drill Sergeant
  • “...would become like a drill sergeant, start barking order they would pop to like a soldier, start doing push ups, jumping jacks, running in place until they behaved right.” — Jamie (19:01)
• Old School Punishments
  • “My dad, when he was about 6 or 7, got caught with his dad's bag of tobacco, and my grandfather made him eat the whole bag…” — Ashley (21:06)
  • “One Thanksgiving, I asked him for a toke of his cigar, and he said, sure, you can have it, but you got to have the whole cigar. And I was, like, 14 at the time, and I smoked the whole cigar and ended up puking. Night.” — Burt (21:29)
• Strange Parental Choices
  • “I knew a lady, she had a son that was 13…he would not go to school unless she would roll him a joint every morning.” — Jamie (22:14)
• Heinous Birthday Gift
  • “For his present. The dad gave his son a hooker for his birthday.” — Jamie (23:03)
• Children on Leashes
  • “Worst case of parenting is those people who walk their kids on leashes.” — Jamie (23:48)
  • “They would hook it…to the kid's belt buckle, which is even worse if they're just getting the spare dog leash out.” — Jen (24:26)

Notable Moments & Timestamps

• Mishaps around discipline, neglect, and bizarre parenting cross generational and cultural lines. (16:42–24:00)
• The segment ends with a comical story about parents using an actual dog leash for their child, with the panel incredulously discussing the spectacle. (24:11–24:34)

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3. Recycled Proposals: Romantic or Red Flag?

(27:14–35:43)

Summary

A listener calls in upset after discovering her fiancé’s proposal was a recycled reenactment of his proposal to an ex—right down to the poem, swing-set location, and nostalgic hometown tour. The hosts and callers debate whether this is an unforgivable offense or an overreaction. The discussion becomes a microcosm for gender and relationship expectations.

Highlights & Quotes

• The Drama Explained
  • "...She is defending her fiancé. She’s coming on to talk to us about being upset about this double proposal, you know, this repeat, recycled proposal. But the entire time she's trying to defend him..." — Melissa (27:45)
  • “He took me to a lovely restaurant. And then afterwards he said, I just want to go back to your elementary school...we’re both on the swing…and he said a beautiful poem…‘will you be my bride?’” — Jamie (29:25)
  • “The problem with that is he had done the exact same engagement...every detail...Swing and a poem.” — Jamie (29:55)
• Debate: Is it a Big Deal?
  • “That is the definition of self absorption. It is an important day for a woman. This is the most important time for a woman and her man.” — Melissa (31:02)
  • “That’s the same concept as re-gifting, okay? You can’t re-gift your engagement.” — Melissa (31:36)
  • “If your husband gave you an engagement ring that he had given to another woman. You mean you’re not going to get mad about that?” — Melissa (32:48)
  • “If he’s not creative enough to think of a new engagement, he’s not creative enough to get you through the marriage.” — Jamie (caller) (33:01)
  • “You have to be able to go to him with an open heart…that's part of it, too. Like, I know, if I tell him something, I don't want him to wreck it for him either.” — Jamie (34:25)
• A Moment of Levity
  • “Maybe I'll have him ask me again.” — Jamie (35:29)
  • "See, now I think that's kind of romantic. You go to him, you tell him what the problem is..." — Burt (35:31)

Notable Moments & Timestamps

• Hosts split over whether Jamie is justified in her feelings or overreacting (precise moment: 31:02–32:57).
• Callers chime in, with varied opinions—some say “leave him,” others advocate for communication and perspective.
• The segment is peppered with insights about the expectations for unique romantic gestures, and whether men are “let off the hook” too easily regarding creativity.

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Notable Quotes (with Speaker Attribution & Timestamps)

• Ashley:
  "Well, I mean, I want a guy to flaunt his money around me. I do have to be pampered...or else, you know, what's the point?" (02:21)
• Melissa:
  "She knows what she wants. And I'm telling you, there's a lot of women in Atlanta who are after the very same thing..." (02:51)
• Jen:
  “Like in the purse.” (07:42) (joking about William’s appeal)
• William (suitor):
  "Atlanta's full of a lot of $40,000 millionaires, but I'm truly the real deal..." (06:36)
• Burt:
  "One Thanksgiving, I asked him for a toke of his cigar, and he said, sure, you can have it, but you got to have the whole cigar. And I was, like, 14 at the time, and I smoked the whole cigar and ended up puking..." (21:29)
• Melissa (on proposals):
  “That is the definition of self absorption...This is the most important time for a woman and her man.” (31:02)
• Jamie (caller):
  “If he’s not creative enough to think of a new engagement, he’s not creative enough to get you through the marriage.” (33:01)

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Episode Flow & Tone

The Bert Show’s crew—sarcastic, supportive, and quick-witted—keep the tone light, irreverent, and real, even when tackling sensitive or divisive topics. Listeners are actively engaged through calls, sharing stories that invite laughter, astonishment, and commiseration. The hosts’ chemistry and willingness to “call each other out” infuse the show with energy, making every segment feel genuine and lively.

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Key Segments & Timestamps (Quick Guide)

• Ashley’s Dating Standards & Suitor Selection: (02:03–13:16)
• Worst Parenting Stories: (16:39–24:34)
• Double Proposal Drama: (27:14–35:43)

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Memorable Moments

• Ashley's unapologetic reasoning for wanting a wealthy, tall man—both criticized and admired by cohosts and callers.
• Hilarious parenting fails, such as public discipline at the airport and the mother rolling joints for her 13-year-old son.
• The divisive debate over whether a recycled proposal is just “romantic laziness” or a forgivable offense.

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Overall, this episode is a rollercoaster of relationship real-talk, laugh-out-loud mistakes, and slice-of-life stories that capture why The Bert Show maintains such a loyal, engaged audience.

Transcript

[Mrs. Claus]

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[Elf Drew Ski]

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[William]

Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man.

[Mrs. Claus]

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[Burt]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Elf Drew Ski]

He's talking to you britches.

[William]

I'm not.

[Mrs. Claus]

Of course he did.

[William]

Right, Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list.

[Elf Drew Ski]

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[William]

It as a gift.

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[Elf Drew Ski]

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[Burt]

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[Elf Drew Ski]

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[Burt]

Purchased the Birch show on the Single girl pager. If you missed this yesterday, Ashley came in here and she was very, very honest with us. Kind of got beat up a little bit, but a lot of listeners came to her rescue also. But this is what Ashley was talking about, what she's looking for and what she's all about also. So, Ashley, tell us a little bit about yourself.

[Ashley]

I guess about myself. I'm 5 10, dark hair, blue eyes. I definitely need a tall guy, over 6 foot 2. Probably he needs to be well dressed, be able to take me out to eat at maybe Dante's. Well, I mean, I want a guy to flaunt his money around me. I do have to be pampered. I do have to be taken out. I do have to be shown a good time or else, you know, what's the point?

[Burt]

So, like, a lot of people were taken back by that, but Melissa was sticking up for you this morning when we were having conversations also.

[Melissa]

Well, I mean, just the fact that of our honesty. I mean, because I have heard women say the exact same thing that she has said in private conversations, and those are some of the women that will call up and get mad at her. Now, like I said yesterday, I may not agree with her with what she feels, but she's honest about what she feels. She knows what she wants. And I'm telling you, there's a lot of women in Atlanta who are after the very same thing every Friday and Saturday night.

[Burt]

And you're no different than theirs. Was your point yesterday?

[Ashley]

Exactly.

[Burt]

You're just being honest about it.

[Ashley]

Why lie about it?

[Burt]

Hey, John, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[William]

Hey, what's going on? I want to know if. If she's down with the swirl.

[Burt]

You down with the swirl?

[Melissa]

What's the swirl?

[Burt]

Do you know what the swirl is?

[Ashley]

Do you mean do I date black guys?

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

No, I'm sorry.

[William]

Oh, man, that's cool.

[Elf Drew Ski]

All right.

[Burt]

All right. Thanks for calling down with the Swirl.

[Melissa]

Down with this. I have to write that down.

[Burt]

She knows. She knew.

[Jen]

It's called down with the Swirl.

[Burt]

I haven't date in a very long time.

[Melissa]

I thought you were crunk. I thought you'd know these kind of things. Down with the swirl.

[Jen]

I'm glad I learned that because I would be liable to say, yeah, I'm down with the swirl and end up dating a black guy.

I'm glad I know that.

[Burt]

So Ashley came on with us yesterday and was very, very honest. Look, she's looking for a guy that's got a lot of money. She's looking for a guy that has a nice car. She's looking for a guy that's going to treat her right at least for 24 hours.

[Ashley]

That Tyler guy sounded pretty nice.

[Burt]

Did he?

[Ashley]

I don't know what he looks like.

[Burt]

His name was Tyler?

[Ashley]

I think so.

[Melissa]

He was the one that called before we wrapped up the conversation with Ashley yesterday. Drove the Mercedes.

[Burt]

Yeah. Either he didn't call back and leave a message or he didn't make the cut list. And when I say the cut list, I have to be honest with you, Ashley.

[Ashley]

You guys made a cut list for me?

[Burt]

Well, normally. Normally we are inundated. Inundated by phone calls and guys that are leaving messages. I mean dozens and dozens, if not hundreds.

[Ashley]

Well, I have high standards.

[Burt]

Okay, well, you got four calls yesterday.

[Jamie]

Oh wow.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Four.

[Ashley]

Well that was more than I was expecting.

[Burt]

I thought you'd get more than that. To be honest with you, I really wasn't. Okay, well let me play for you the messages that we got yesterday for you and you can pick which one of the four you want to go out with. Okay?

[Ashley]

All right.

[Burt]

This is Chad.

[William]

Hey Ashley, what's going on? My name's chad. I am 19 years old. A little bit younger than you, but hope that's cool. I actually really don't have any money but my parents do pretty alerted.

2003 Altima and then I also have a 2003 Mustang Cobra fully loaded. It's really nice. I'm actually going to UGA right now. Studying to be a doctor. Hopefully one day. I don't know if you're interested, give me a call. You can reach me at 678.

Pretty good looking. I am 6 foot. I have black hair and blue eyes. So let's talk.

End of message.

[Burt]

Any interest there at all? Does that pique your interest a little bit?

[Ashley]

We'll put him on hold. The thing that bothered me about him is he's only six feet tall. That's what like two inches taller than me. I can't wear shoes or she can't wear most of my shoes around him.

[Melissa]

Because she said yesterday she'd like somebody six three. Okay exactly is what she said.

[Burt]

Okay, here was Randy.

[William]

Hey Ashley, how are you this may as randy. I'm a 22 year old firefighter. I would love to take you out on a date. So if you would give me a call back 678. Yeah and I know, I know.

[Jamie]

End of message.

[Burt]

Anything there? Feeling any Kind of spark there from the fireman.

[Ashley]

Well, maybe if the fireman had left a better description of himself, that would have been better because.

[Melissa]

Meaning what he drives and what he drives.

[Jen]

Fire truck.

[Burt]

Big red truck.

[Jen]

Hey, I'm fireman. Why don't you give me a call?

[Burt]

Click.

[Jen]

All right.

[Burt]

All right, third message.

[William]

Hey, Ashley William. Heard you on the Burt show this morning and certainly might be the type of guy you're looking for. 25 years old, graduated from UGA. Atlanta's full of a lot of $40,000 millionaires, but I'm truly the real deal. Live in a high rise in Buckhead, eat at fine restaurants seven nights a week. Let's party it up. And as far as the cars go. Drive a 2003 Hummer. Drive a 2003 BMW M3. I got the boats, the jet skis, all the toys that are needed to have a good time.

[Melissa]

Look at her lightning.

[William]

Anyways, love to have you come out and party with us some night. You know, you're looking for that guy who'll drop, you know, four, five, six hundred dollars a night. Have a good time. Then I think you might enjoy hanging out with me.

[Jen]

Sold.

[William]

Give me a call. 678 here from the West 9. You're.

[Jen]

You know what? I gotta throw something out there. He's a. He's a true high roller. Then he's invested in a 404 number. I mean, he's got 6, 7, 8.

[Burt]

He's a rich guy. That's not image conscious.

[Jen]

I'm sorry, I'm cell phone prejudice now.

[Burt]

Did that make you tingle anywhere?

[Ashley]

That'd be pretty cool.

[Jen]

Like in the purse.

[Ashley]

Well, I wonder if he'd take me shopping.

[Burt]

Sounds like he's got the cash to do it. Probably more so than fireman.

[Ashley]

Probably more so than the farmer.

[Melissa]

19 year old.

[Ashley]

I mean, every, every woman has to think, or at least a majority of women, I think, think that a. A man in uniform is sexy.

[Burt]

Even a poor guy in a uniform.

[Melissa]

If he did a firefighter uniform. I mean, when he left that message, I could just. Could imagine how many women in Atlanta like, huh? Because that's enough for them.

[Jen]

UPS drivers in their truck are sitting taller right now.

[Burt]

That's right. Yeah. Go brown.

[Jen]

What's up?

[Burt]

All right. And here's the fourth message.

[William]

Hey, what's up? Actually, this is Frank.

I heard you on the radio this morning. I'm about 5 foot 10. I don't work out enough and I really, really don't make much money. But you sounded hot and.

[Elf Drew Ski]

I don't.

[William]

Know, you can call me in the morning. 404-741. Val for is there reasonable. Smells good, I guess.

[Jen]

Hey, the good news is about that guy is I think I know him. And he wears heels.

[Ashley]

Yeah, and I think I know him, too. And I think I've seen him around. Maybe next door.

[Burt]

So really, what we have here is Chad, the guy that's not rich, but his parents are. You've got Randy the firefighter, or you have William. Who is the dude that's got it all? He's got the car. He's got the jet skis.

[Elf Drew Ski]

I got no problem.

[Jamie]

Is there a choice?

[Melissa]

Do you even have a doubt who she's going to pick? Come on.

[Elf Drew Ski]

What's up?

[William]

Actually, this is Frank.

[Melissa]

Sorry, Phil.

[Burt]

You want to make a choice here?

[Ashley]

Definitely the guy with the cars.

[Burt]

All right.

[Jen]

His name's William.

[Burt]

William, the dude with the cash.

[Melissa]

Just remember it's William. He's probably like a third William something something the third, Right? He's got four names instead of three.

[Jen]

Oh, here we go.

[Melissa]

Call him Bill. Out of curiosity. Well, no, I'm just curious what your second choice was, Willie. Billy. I doubt he goes by Billy.

[Ashley]

I think for the nice guy thing, I may have gone with a firefighter.

[Burt]

But you don't want nice. You told us.

[Melissa]

Yeah, I asked her which ones you.

[Jen]

Otherwise firefighter will have a bigger hose. I'll bet.

That one was free. But it'll cost you two drinks to get more.

[Burt]

William.

[William]

Yes, hello. How you doing?

[Burt]

Hey, it's Bert and Jen and Melissa and Jeff and Ashley calling over at all the hits Q100.

[William]

How you guys doing this morning?

[Burt]

Good. How are you?

[William]

Oh, I can't complain.

[Melissa]

He's bathing in dollar bills.

[Burt]

You're gonna be shocked by this, but Ashley picked you for her date.

[William]

Wonderful.

[Burt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ashley]

So what exactly do you do? But your profession. How do you make this money?

[William]

Actually, I own part of a company, but we are the world's largest tow truck manufacturing company.

[Burt]

He owns Tonka.

[Jen]

Just out of curiosity, this has nothing to do with your money, but are you down with the swirl?

[Melissa]

Don't worry about it, William.

[Burt]

Hey, William, how old a guy are you?

[William]

25.

[Burt]

25 years old. What kind of car are you cruising around?

[William]

A tow truck? H2.

[Burt]

An H2.

[Ashley]

What color is it? That's. That's important.

[Burt]

Good God. It's not enough that he has an H2? You want to know what color is it?

[Ashley]

No, it's not the most important thing, but.

[Burt]

But it's up there. Actually.

[William]

You're exhausting me she'd probably hang up. No, it's pewter, shooter.

[Ashley]

Pewter.

[Melissa]

Pewter.

[Ashley]

Cool.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Okay.

[Jen]

That's a poor. That's a rich man, Silver.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Right.

[Melissa]

So let me ask William a question real quick. Do you normally date high maintenance women like Ashley?

[William]

Haven't passed. Tend to. I mean, you know, a lot of times you meet somebody and there's plenty of high maintenance people out there. I'm not low maintenance myself.

[Jamie]

For sure.

[Burt]

You gotta be in the same boat that she's in, right? You're not looking for anything serious. You're looking just to have a good time for 24 hours. And you're looking to spend money on somebody. And she's just looking for somebody to spend money on her.

[Jen]

It's like chillas. Get in, get out. Get out with your life.

[William]

Go in and have a good time.

[Melissa]

Okay, awesome.

[Jen]

Hey, let me ask you a question. In this, you know, Ashley aside, let's say doesn't, are there a lot of hot women at tow truck conventions?

[William]

No, certainly not.

[Burt]

Did he say tow truck?

[Elf Drew Ski]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Oh, okay. I thought he said toys.

[Ashley]

That's what I thought he said.

[Jen]

Okay, no, tow truck.

[Burt]

I gotcha. Okay.

[Jen]

Now you see why nobody laughed at your time?

[Melissa]

I thought the Tonka thing's still funny.

[Burt]

Okay. I mean, I guess it could refer to.

[Melissa]

You did good.

[Burt]

All right. All right, William. I'm gonna put you on hold. You have any big plans where you might take her?

[William]

You know, I figured I'd sort of see what she likes to eat, where she wants to go. I mean, I heard a little bit yesterday. I caught the tail end of it.

[Burt]

But want to throw a couple of restaurant names out that he can expect to be blowing his wad on.

[Ashley]

I love seafood.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Sorry?

[Burt]

Seafood?

[Ashley]

Yes, I love any and every type of seafood.

[William]

I was thinking probably Chops or Blue Point or something like that.

[Burt]

Take you to the best. The best, damn it. The best for William, the best for Ashley.

[Jen]

She wants to go shopping, too. Are you cool with that?

She wasn't kidding.

[Melissa]

That's maybe the second date. Yeah, not on the first day, right?

[Ashley]

Exactly.

[Burt]

All right, William, I'll put you on hold and I will get all your information and we'll give it to Ashley. And I'm sure it'll be an enjoyable night for the buddy.

[Melissa]

Well, I mean, she. Again, she said exactly what she wanted. William responded. Sounds like a good match to me.

[Jen]

It'll be Ashley and William and the Hummer and blowing his wad.

Have a nice day.

[Burt]

The Bird Show.

[Elf Drew Ski]

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[Mrs. Claus]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Zoe. This thing weighs a ton.

[William]

Drew Ski lift with your legs man.

[Mrs. Claus]

Santa.

[Jamie]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Elf Drew Ski]

He's talking to you Bridges.

[William]

I'm not.

[Mrs. Claus]

Of course he did.

[William]

Right Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here.

[Elf Drew Ski]

He handles the nice list and elf I'm 6 3. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile. You can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies, right Mrs. Claus?

[Mrs. Claus]

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[William]

Keep your old phone or give it as a gift.

[Mrs. Claus]

And the best part? You can make the switch to T Mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Guys, my side of the tree is slipping.

[Burt]

Jim Burn the holidays are better.

[Elf Drew Ski]

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[Melissa]

Time.

[Mrs. Claus]

It's always vanishing. The commute, the errands, the work functions, the meetings. Selling your car. Unless. Do you sell your car with Carvana? Get a real offer in minutes. Get it picked up from your door. Get paid on the spot so fast you'll wonder what the catch is. There isn't one. We just respect you and your time. Oh, you're still here. Move along now. Enjoy your day. Sell your car today, Carvana. Pick up. Fees may apply.

[Burt]

I'm asking for the worst case of parenting you've ever seen.

[Melissa]

An ex girlfriend of mine, years ago, lived next door to a woman, and we would have constant conversation. It was a single mother with a young daughter. And I guess the daughter's maybe, I don't know, about 10 years old, 10, 11, maybe. And we would have these conversations about how we just didn't think that she was being a great mother. And there was one time that I felt so bad for the kid where the mother came home from work or something. I guess the kid came home from school earlier than the mother came home from work. The mother comes home and the kid rushes up to hug the mother. And then the mother scolds the child because she wrinkled her clothes.

[Burt]

Oh, yeah, you see this one right there?

[Melissa]

Sending the message that my clothes are more important.

[Burt]

Hey, Mandy, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Jamie]

It was my first year of college and I was working at a daycare part time, and I had the three year old's room. And as I'm like, you know, cleaning up, get ready to go. This little boy sees his mother and flies out of the room, runs into his mother and this was like my first week. Pulls down her shirt and proceeds to feed himself. And the boy was three years old. And I was like, you've got the beginning.

[Burt]

So he runs right up to the mom in front of everybody else, pulls her shirt up and starts breastfeeding. At three years old?

[Jamie]

Yeah. And the whole, like, problem I had with it is that, like, she's got her dad to do that for like three years, you know.

[Burt]

Well, you remember this was just a couple of months ago, this was a big controversy when this woman was going around and she was doing the whole national TV circuit also. And she had like an eight or a nine year old son and she was breastfeeding him right there on national television.

[Jamie]

I mean, I understand that like supposedly there's myths that make you smarter if you breastfeed or whatever, but come on, he's three years old.

[Burt]

Good morning. All the hits Q100.

[Jamie]

Hey, the worst case of parenting I know with my ex husband's idea of my boys is telling them if you're gonna do it, just don't get caught.

[Jen]

That was his fatherly advice to them.

[Jamie]

That's his fatherly advice and that's what he lives by.

[Burt]

Still a little twinge of anger in your voice there.

[Jamie]

Just a tad. It makes it kind of hard on my end.

[Jen]

Apparently he didn't follow his own advice considering he's exotic, right?

[Jamie]

Exactly.

[Burt]

Apparently he got caught.

[Melissa]

Best example you give to your kids. See, your father was not right.

[Jamie]

Well, he's proving it on his own daily.

[Burt]

No doubt. All right, Amy, thank you for calling. Bye bye. Worst case of parenting you've ever seen, Renee?

[Jamie]

Well, I don't know if it's the worst, but it's pretty hilarious. I did eight years military and there was this guy that we used to hang out with and when his kids would get like really unruly, he would become like a drill sergeant, start barking order they would pop to like a soldier, start doing push ups, jumping jacks, running in place until they behaved right.

[Burt]

Yeah, the Great Santini.

[Mrs. Claus]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Jessica's ex boyfriend's father used to inspect the house with a white glove.

[Burt]

Oh, get out of here.

[Jen]

It was her ex boyfriend's. Her ex boyfriend and her ex boyfriend's sister had to clean the house and then he would come home and he would like run his finger along the cops tables and stuff like that.

[Burt]

Terrible. Hey Jeremy, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[William]

Hey, we were sitting at the airport one time with a friend of ours waiting on a flight and it's late and his four year old son would not perform tricks in front of everybody. So he made him go stand in.

[Burt]

The corner at the airport.

[William]

At the airport?

Awful.

[Jen]

What do you mean perform tricks? Like.

[William]

Well, he wouldn't wink at someone or wave at the girls or you know, blow them kisses and stuff like that because he might be the ladies in the crowd.

[Jen]

That's what kids are good for.

[Burt]

Tricks.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Now go stand with your face to the wall over there by gate 32.

[Elf Drew Ski]

He did?

[William]

In front of everybody. It was awful.

[Melissa]

Yeah. Put a piece of Cheerio on the phone. Okay. Not yet. Not yet. Okay. Get it on like a dog.

[Jen]

Can you think of ways that, like, maybe your own parents weren't such good? Like, I remember my dad, when we were camping, once allowed me to put the lighter fluid on the campfire. Okay, he lit it, which is pretty dumb on his part, but I'm the one who got to squirt it on. And I thought you put a can on there. I didn't know any better.

Like, remember the old world footage of, like, you know, the nuclear test out in Nevada?

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jen]

It's like a mushroom cloud from a distance. That's what it looked like. Coming up over the pup tent. No leaves on the trees for 30ft above us.

[Burt]

Hey, Marianne, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Ashley]

Hey.

[Jamie]

My dad, when he was about 6 or 7, got caught with his dad's bag of tobacco, and my grandfather made him eat the whole bag.

[Burt]

See, grandfathers, those are the old schoolers there, man. They go hardcore.

[Jamie]

He was 6 for the whole day.

[Jen]

He makes me think, all right, get out of here. Don't take any wooden nickels.

[Burt]

My dad had that same theory, that if I wanted to drink or if I wanted to smoke a cigarette, that I'd have to smoke the whole pack in front of him or I'd have to have a whole drink. So one Thanksgiving, I asked him for a toke of his cigar, and he said, sure, you can have it, but you got to have the whole cigar. And I was, like, 14 at the time, and I smoked the whole cigar and ended up puking. Night. It was awful.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Awful.

[Burt]

Thanks, Marianne.

[Jamie]

Thank you.

[Burt]

Thanks for bringing back that memory for me.

[Melissa]

That's like, the whole theory of you talking about grandfathers, how they teach a child how to swim by throwing them in the lake and try to get back to the shore.

[Jen]

I'm gonna tie this brick around your foot, put you in the lake. You're gonna swim your way out of there, and then you'll know how to swim.

[Melissa]

You'll learn how to swim.

[Jen]

And don't take any wooden nickels.

[Burt]

Morning. All the hits. Q100.

[Jamie]

I knew a lady, she had a son that was 13, and he was kind of bad, and he would not go to school unless she would roll him a joint every morning.

[Burt]

Come on now. Are you serious?

[Jamie]

I'm serious.

Found every morning or he wouldn't go.

[Melissa]

Oh, My God.

[Burt]

Like the thought process behind that whole thing is like.

[Jamie]

Absolutely.

[Melissa]

I guess it's like. It's like she wanted what, however it would get, get him in the school, she would do it.

[Burt]

And this is the kind of parent where you'd confront. You'd confront her on it and she'd say, you just walk a mile in my shoes. You'd be trying to figure out something else.

[Melissa]

Right, Exactly.

[Jamie]

You don't know what it's like.

[Burt]

Right.

[Jen]

You try to get him into school sober.

Don't take any wooden nickels.

[Burt]

Hey, Michelle.

[Jamie]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Hey. Hey, go ahead, finish this off for us.

[Jamie]

Well, I used to work with a guy that was a real jerk to begin with, but his son, on his 18th birthday, for his present. The dad gave his son a hooker for his birthday.

[Burt]

We've had that before. We've taken this call before by somebody that the dad wanted to do that. And the mom came on and was like, are you out of your mind? And he was so for it. So for it.

[Jamie]

This dad did it. He did it. And he came into the office the next day and bragged about it.

[Melissa]

Yeah, there's a lot of young kids right now going joint to school and a dad in this process. So how's that bad parenting?

[Jen]

All I got was an 89 Ford Escort with me 120,000 miles on it. Get a new agent.

[Burt]

Hey, Joanna.

[Jamie]

Hey.

[Burt]

Hey.

[Jamie]

The worst case of parenting is those people who walk their kids on leashes.

[Burt]

It does freak me out when I see that.

Thanks, Michelle. You're welcome. It does freak me out when I see that where they've got three of them and they're all in line together and they all have that one leash that has the three collars on it.

[Jen]

I actually, you know what? We had a neighbor who here in Atlanta at our old house. You guys have been there, right? Like a mile from the radio station who had one of those kid leashes. But it wasn't a kid leash. They would hook it.

[Elf Drew Ski]

It was a dog.

[Jen]

It was a retractable dog leash.

[Melissa]

Oh, no.

[Jen]

And they would hook it to the kid's belt buckle, which is even worse if they're just getting the spare dog leash out.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Get it?

[Burt]

The Birch show.

[Elf Drew Ski]

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[Mrs. Claus]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Zoe. This thing weighs a ton.

[William]

Live with your legs, man.

[Mrs. Claus]

Santa.

[Jamie]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Elf Drew Ski]

He's talking to you, Brie.

[William]

I'm not.

[Mrs. Claus]

Of course he did. Right, Santa?

[William]

You know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list.

[Elf Drew Ski]

And elf, I'm six three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile. You can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies, right, Mrs. Claus?

[Mrs. Claus]

I'm Mrs. Claus's much younger sister. And AT T Mobile, there's no trade in needed when you switch. So you can keep your old phone.

[William]

Or give it as a gift.

[Mrs. Claus]

And the best part, you can make the to switch to T mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Guys, my side of the tree is slipping. The holidays are better. AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores. Credits for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 vice connection charge credit sentinel balance to pay off earlier. Cancel Finance Agreement 256 gigs $830 eligible board in a new line 100 plus a month plan with auto payments taxes required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line.

[Burt]

Visit t mobile.com hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a very happy half off.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Holiday because right now Mint Mobile is.

[Burt]

Offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited.

[Elf Drew Ski]

To be clear, that's half price, not half the service.

[Burt]

Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means a half day.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch up front.

[Mrs. Claus]

Payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to 15 per month required new customer offer for first 3 months only. Speed flow after 35 gigabytes of network spizzy taxes and fees extra c mintmobile.com time. It's always vanishing. The commute, the errands, the work functions, the meetings. Selling your car. Unless you sell your car with Carvana. Get a real offer in minutes. Get it picked up from your door. Get paid on the spot so fast you'll wonder what the catch is. There isn't one. We just respect you and your time. Oh, you're still here. Move along now. Enjoy your day. Sell your car today. Carvana pick up fees may apply.

[Burt]

Yesterday even before we got this woman on, Jen and Melissa were already upset.

[Melissa]

Oh, no. I mean, again, I don't mean to be repetitive, but it's simple. Life is simple. And when men talk about women being so complicated.

Cardinal rule, make a woman feel special. I'm telling you, everything will fall into place if you just make a woman feel special every now and again. He defied that number one rule.

[Burt]

Now we've edited this up quite a bit. It took her about, I don't know, 36 hours to actually get the story out of the proposal.

[Mrs. Claus]

Why?

[Melissa]

Because what was interesting about this woman, and I think, you know, if it's in there, we point this out when we're discussing it with her, is that she is defending her fiance. She's coming on to talk to us about being upset about this double proposal, you know, this repeat, recycled proposal. But the entire time she's trying to defend him and she's trying to, like, make him out to be this amazingly great guy. The whole time we're like, you're coming on to complain. It's okay, we know he's a great guy. You got engaged to him, whatever, move on.

[Burt]

We might have taken that out because really, we were trying to get this edited down to two and a half hours.

So here it was yesterday, the phone call that we took. A recyclable proposal is probably the great way to put it. She was all excited that she was finally engaged, and then she found out that her boyfriend had proposed the exact same way to an ex girlfriend.

What's the boyfriend's name? What are we gonna call him?

[Jamie]

Can I just call him John?

[Melissa]

How long have you been with him?

[Jamie]

We had a two year anniversary in November and we talked about marriage, but I never really thought we'd get married yet. We were gonna go visit my parents who live in a small town where I'm from in New Jersey. But this time he said, you know, I feel like I don't know anything about, like, just everything you did as a kid. And he was saying, okay, we're driving around, he's like, show me where you grew up. Because I lived in two different houses. And we went there first. And he's like looking at the house. And we got out of the car, we walked to where I used to go to school. We were just talking and holding hands. And then we went to a place I used to have ice cream. And then we went to where I went to high school. I was in a bunch of musicals and stuff. It all ended where he took me to a lovely restaurant. And then afterwards he said, I just want to go back to your elementary school.

[Jen]

Oh, no.

[Jamie]

Where there were some swings in the back. And we just thought we'd sit there and talk. We were both on the swing, actually. And he got down, he said, close your eyes. So I closed my eyes. He said a beautiful poem, but it ended with like, will you be my bride? And it almost sounded so old fashioned. I was like, oh, okay.

[Burt]

So what we're establishing here is he has taken the time to go back to your hometown. He goes through this whole chronological thing of like, where you went to school, yada, yada, yada. You end up on your childhood playground, and he proposes to you in a beautiful poem.

[Jamie]

The problem with that is he had done the exact same engagement. He was engaged a long time ago. Went to her hometown.

[Jen]

All right, we heard that.

[Jamie]

I mean, from everything to where, like, I could see going to hometown. But I mean, every detail to where it was. Swing and a poem. And I know it's not everything, and maybe you don't understand, but, like, we totally understand.

[Melissa]

Because the thing is, like, you know, it is. It is a most important time, one of the most important times in a woman's life. And you want again, Cardinal roll to just feel special by this guy.

[Burt]

Good morning. You're on the. On all the hits. Q100.

[Jamie]

Get over it. This guy came up with one wonderful idea in his life and he, you know, it probably took him years to figure out and decide how he's gonna propose. Stop being so self absorbed. He loves you. You're lucky that you found a wonderful guy and yet owned him.

[Burt]

Hold on, Melissa, can I argue with you?

[Melissa]

Come on, come on now. You can't tell me that if some did the same thing to you, you wouldn't be mad. A bride, that is the definition of self absorption.

[Elf Drew Ski]

You.

[Melissa]

It is an important day for a woman. This is the most important time for a woman and her man. And you can't tell me to tell her to get over it because she's being too sensitive and too selfish about this.

[Jamie]

Absolutely. You know, that's embarrassed. I mean, I don't know how many people know. And now I think about, I'm trying to retrack my step. How many times I've been in a room full of like 10 people and start telling this lovely story, and half of them are thinking, oh, man, he did it already. But you know what? He wasn't the first person that did this. That was so creative. Maybe saw it on a TV show.

[Burt]

Now, you can't do it twice to this to two different.

[Melissa]

Wrong, wrong. That's the same concept as re gifting. Okay?

[Ashley]

You can't.

[Melissa]

You can't re gift your engagement engagements.

[Burt]

You can't re propose.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Good morning, Melissa. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Jamie]

You know, I have to disagree with their whole you can't re propose thing. I mean, women think all their life about how they want their wedding to be. And every single time they get an engagement with someone, they just pick a different guy. In that fairy tale, this guy could have practiced it. It could have been something that he had done and it was good. And it sounds like if he listens to her as much as she yaks, he probably truly does care about her and that she could just, you know, she should put that aside and think about the past two years. Oh, my goodness.

[Burt]

I don't know how we can see this so differently from the listeners. Like everybody calling up is saying, come on, come on.

[Melissa]

Are you crazy? You know what? I'm sorry. I don't mean violence. You know what, I'm sorry. I don't mean to use the word hypocrite, but I'm going to use it because every single person that's calling, if it's a woman that says that she needs to get over, it would be just as mad if you found out your husband had proposed the same way to another woman. It's the same thing as the same engagement ring. If your husband gave you an engagement ring that he had given to another woman. You mean you're not going to get mad about that?

[Jen]

That's the bigger problem is if you get, you know, if you're the second engagement, then that means he loves you second best.

I think that's the more significant issue.

[Burt]

Hey, Marie, you're on all the hits Q100.

[Jamie]

Leave him.

[William]

Leave him.

[Burt]

That's a little harsh, don't you think?

[Jamie]

If he's not creative enough to think of a new engagement, he's not creative enough to get you through the marriage. Oh, I don't think I can leave him. I'm just. I don't know, I'm just torn. You need to bring this up to him.

[Burt]

Yeah, I think that's the first thing you gotta do.

[Melissa]

If men would put as much effort into planning as they do and making excuses for everything they do wrong, then they could be a little more creative and things would work out a little better.

[Burt]

We have time for two more calls for you, Jamie. Okay.

[Jamie]

I wish I had somebody who was nice to me.

[Burt]

Hey, Candy.

Hey, Candy.

[Jen]

Welcome to the bird show.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Burt]

Thanks for calling.

[Elf Drew Ski]

Good.

[Jamie]

How are you?

[Burt]

What's going on, Candy?

[Jamie]

Well, I was. I am on her side. I cannot believe these women are calling her, telling her to get over it. What is wrong with the women today? Are they so desperate to get engaged and to get married that they're just gonna overlook.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Burt]

Or have we just set the bar so low for women now that you guys are like, you know what? I'll take what I can. And even though he's not feel making me feel special, I'll take what I can right now.

[Jamie]

Let me tell you, there are plenty of men out there. And I'm not saying she needs to leave him, but he needs to be in the damn dog house for a very long time.

[Burt]

Hey, Summer, you're on all the hits q100.

[Jamie]

Listen, Jamie, you have a right to be pissed off about it, but you can't not marry the guy because you don't like the way he got proposed to. He needs a really think about. Is this how you're gonna handle problems in your marriage? You have to be able to go to him with an open heart. You have to be able to talk about things that bother you. Well, that's part of it, too. Like, I know, like if I tell him something, I don't want him to wreck it for him either. I mean, like let's say 10 years ago. 10 years from now when I start mentioning it, I don't want him to think that's the time I got in the doghouse. You know what I mean? When you've been married 10 years, there's gonna be a lot of times that he's gonna remember being in the.

This will be way down on the list for things for him to feel sorry about. Getting proposed to is it's just like your wedding. And I don't want to disappoint you before you ever get married. But things never. When you anticipate something whole wise, it's never the way you want it to be.

[Melissa]

That's true. Like sex on your wedding night.

[Ashley]

Right, Bert?

[Jamie]

Maybe I'll have him ask me again.

[Burt]

See, now I think that's kind of romantic. You go to him, you tell him what the problem is. I mean, he sounds like a sensitive guy, right?

[Jamie]

Like, could we do it again, like a different way?

[Burt]

Hey, Jamie, we gotta roll.

[Jamie]

Thank you so much.

[Burt]

Thanks for calling.

[Jamie]

Bye.

[Melissa]

Bye.

[Burt]

Bye. You're on the Burt Show.

[Mrs. Claus]

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[Mrs. Claus]

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[Jamie]

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[Mrs. Claus]

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[Jamie]

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[Mrs. Claus]

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[Jen]

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[Melissa]

I'm giving all the gifts this year.

[Jamie]

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[Mrs. Claus]

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