Full Show PT 3: Tuesday, January 27 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Tuesday, January 27 [Vault]

Podcast: The Bert Show
Date: January 27, 2026
Host: Bert and the Bert Show Cast (Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy et al.)
Main Theme:
This episode delves into modern perspectives on marriage, the difference between love and legal/ceremonial commitment, personal transformations and relationships, and debates whether public proposals (especially on Valentine's Day) are meaningful or cliché.

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1. Marriage: Is It Necessary? [00:00–08:53]

• Introduction of a Newsweek Editorial (00:03):

  • Melissa brings up an editorial by Bonnie Eslinger, “To Love, No To Marriage,” where Eslinger, a 42-year-old woman, decides she doesn’t need marriage to validate her long-term relationship.
  • Her boyfriend’s family expresses surprise and pressure about the lack of marriage; Eslinger questions the social expectation.
  • “I don’t think that I need a piece of paper, in her words, to prove that we love each other.” (Melissa, 00:53)

• Generational Differences (01:28–03:36):

  • Discussion about how the stereotype is that women always want marriage, but Eslinger, and others, challenge that.
  • Kristen wonders if younger women feel the same way or if age affects this.
  • “We're looking for like the female George Clooney... I will never, ever, ever, ever get married.” (Bert & Kristin, 02:18–02:23)
  • Abby and Cassie (20-something women) express they’re open to the idea but don’t see marriage as necessary, especially after witnessing divorces in their families.
  • “My generation was skeptical of marriage because all of our parents are divorced... so what makes us think that ours are going to [work out]?” (Cassie, 03:13)

• Younger Listener Calls In (03:38–05:05):

  • A 21-year-old female caller echoes: “To me, like, marriage is a piece of paper.” (Caller, 03:38)
  • Discussion about whether children of divorce are less interested in marriage.

• Effect of Marriage on Appearance (03:33–05:05):

  • Light-hearted jokes emerge about how marriage ages people.
  • “Marriage ages you. Like, in dog years.” (Tommy, 04:53)

• Examples of Long-Term Unmarried Couples (05:05–06:06):

  • Caller Julie shares her parents have been together for 33 years without being married.
  • “Every time they work through their fights and stay together, it’s because I guess they really love each other.” (Caller, 05:18)

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2. Relationship Expectations & the Realities of Commitment [06:06–12:42]

• End of Relationship Due to Differing Marriage Expectations (06:23–07:04):

  • Bert recalls a story where a woman ended a relationship because her boyfriend didn’t believe in marriage; she had always dreamed of marrying.

  • “She dumped the guy. It's just not for me.” (Bert, 06:22)

• Key Insight: Compatibility Matters Most (07:04–07:34):

  • “The more important thing for a couple is what… makes sense to them.” (Kristin, 06:23)
  • Compatible perspectives on marriage (or lack thereof) are crucial for relationship longevity.

• Public vs. Private Commitment (07:34–08:53):

  • 25-year-old caller says she doesn’t want marriage, especially not a church wedding; views marriage as a Christian institution.
  • Crew counters this, noting marriage occurs across religions; the caller admits she’s only gone to church weddings.

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3. Commitment, Promises & Affairs [08:53–12:02]

• A Difficult Call: The Mistress Perspective (08:53–10:38):

  • Barbara, a caller, admits to being in a year-long affair with a married man who refuses to make future promises.
  • Hosts note his inability to commit to either woman.
  • “He’s already shown you he can’t make a commitment because he couldn't to his wife.” (Kristin, 09:58)
  • “If he does, he’s gonna leave you for somebody else.” (Cassie, 10:11)

• What’s the Difference Between Commitment and a Promise? (10:38–11:17):

  • Bert defines commitment as a vow to be together for life.
  • Tommy jokes: “There's no difference between a commitment and a promise if they're coming from a person who lies.” (Tommy, 11:00)

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4. Reflections on Marriage & Divorce Across Generations [11:42–12:42]

• Lingering Effects of Divorce (11:42–12:02):

  • A new generation skeptical of marriage due to seeing their parents’ divorces: “It’s really kind of unique because those divorced parents came from a generation… who stayed together.” (Melissa, 11:42)

• Memorable Quote on Long Marriages (12:02):

  • Bert shares: “We never fell out of love with each other at the same time.” (12:02)
  • Group ponders how this cyclical dynamic could be both sustaining and depressing.

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5. “The Married Guy Challenge” and Relationship Metamorphosis [12:57–28:53]

• Revisiting the Married Guy Challenge (13:12–18:26):

  • Bert recounts a challenge: Married men are encouraged to (with permission) try to collect as many women’s phone numbers as possible to see if they’d now be more successful than when single.
  • One listener shares that after losing weight, his wife began urging him to take the challenge—almost pushing him out the door.
  • “She said, I have to ask myself why I'm not taking her up on the opportunity. So she was never really answering this question at all.” (Bert, 18:26)

• The Final Update: Wife Leaves After Weight Loss (19:28–21:35):

  • The listener writes back: his wife ultimately left him, citing a need to “explore her new self”; he did nothing wrong, but she underwent a personal metamorphosis after their shared weight loss.
  • “She said she realized that she just has a different outlook on life now… she wants to explore her new self, whatever that means.” (Bert reading, 20:48)
  • The hosts and listeners speculate about the psychology behind major weight change: gaining confidence, seeking outside attention, or feeling selfish.

• Listener Reactions and Theories (22:17–31:10):

  • Several callers (Liz, Katie, Jennifer, Sarah, Chelsea) suggest reasons for such splits after weight loss: revived self-esteem, increased outside attention, or guilt over infidelity.

  • “I want you to want to date other people... I'm starting to date other guys outside of the relationship, and it's just like I've fallen out of love.” (Chelsea, 27:53)

  • “Some people who believe that we're not naturally supposed to be monogamous anyway.” (Bert, 26:47)

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6. Public Proposals and Valentine’s Day: Special or Cliché? [31:10–End]

• Is Valentine’s Day a Good Day to Propose? (31:10–37:56):
  • A listener plans to propose, but the cast debates whether Valentine’s Day proposals are romantic or just Hallmark clichés.
  • “It just seems so unoriginal.” (Kristin, 32:35)
  • Several callers share personal stories of Valentine’s or public proposals:
    • Christy: “My husband surprised me on the 15th instead of the 14th in front of all of my family, and I thought it was the best thing.” (Christy, 33:32)
    • Terry: “I got proposed last year on Valentine's Day, and it was such a surprise... he took me on a helicopter ride over Atlanta and proposed to me there.” (Terry, 35:05)
    • Tiffany: “My husband proposed to me on his birthday and said it was the best birthday present he could ever give himself. I think Valentine's Day is cheese.” (Tiffany, 36:34)
    • Multiple guests share both favor and opposition to Valentine’s proposals.
  • “The lesson you could learn here is that if you're gonna do it on Valentine's Day, it's gotta be so over the top that it offsets the cliche.” (Bert, 36:28)

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• “I don’t think that I need a piece of paper… to prove that we love each other.” (Melissa, 00:53)
• “My generation was skeptical of marriage because all of our parents are divorced.” (Cassie, 03:13)
• “Marriage ages you. Like, in dog years.” (Tommy, 04:53)
• “She dumped the guy. It's just not for me.” (Bert, 06:22)
• “If he does [leave his wife], he's gonna leave you for somebody else.” (Cassie, 10:11)
• “We never fell out of love with each other at the same time.” (Bert quoting, 12:02)
• “She said she realized that she just has a different outlook on life now… she wants to explore her new self, whatever that means.” (Bert reading, 20:48)
• “Some people believe that we're not naturally supposed to be monogamous anyway.” (Bert, 26:47)
• “It just seems so unoriginal.” (Kristin, 32:35)
• “If you're gonna do it on Valentine's Day, it's gotta be so over the top that it offsets the cliche.” (Bert, 36:28)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Marriage debate and generational views: 00:00–08:53
• Affairs, promise vs. commitment: 08:53–12:42
• Married Guy Challenge / Relationship shifts after weight loss: 13:12–31:10
• Valentine’s Day proposals – cliche or cute: 31:10–38:43

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Summary Tone

• Conversational, witty, and lively with the classic Bert Show authentic, no-holds-barred honesty.
• Humor punctuates serious topics, offering both levity and real talk.

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Conclusion

Listeners are treated to an unfiltered dialogue on how societal norms about marriage are shifting, with younger generations questioning tradition, and callers courageously sharing their own unconventional stories. The episode also addresses how personal change can uproot relationships and explores if and how public romantic gestures—particularly on cliché holidays—can actually be meaningful or just cringeworthy.

Best for: Those curious about how modern relationships are evolving, and anyone looking for candid, laugh-out-loud insights into love, commitment, and how the times (and people) are changing.

Transcript

[Burt]

Hey, the Burt Show. What's going on? Melissa?

[Melissa]

I was looking through Newsweek the other week and came across this editorial that I thought was interesting, and I wondered if it really applied to a lot of women and even some guys. I'm sure to a lot of guys. But I think it was surprising from a woman. It's editorial written by a woman named Bonnie Eslinger, and she is titled Guest. To love, no to marriage. And she was talking about this guy that she has been with now for several years. And she went to visit her. Her boyfriend's family, and they were just about to live together. So they were talking about all the things about living together. They've been together about three years now. And her s. Her. Her boyfriend's sister said to her, well, aren't you doing things a little backwards? Like, when are y' all getting married? Like, I expected y' all to come with an announcement of marriage and not about the fact that you're living together. And so she was kind of hounding her about, well, when are you gonna get married? Cause if you're living together, why not go ahead and pop the question. Why not have marriage?

[Caller/Listener]

And.

[Melissa]

And it made her really think about it. She said her boyfriend had. Had asked her the question, will you marry me? And she took time to think about it and then realized, you know what? I don't think that I need a piece of paper, in her words, to prove that we love each other. And she said that she is friends with a lot of gay friends who can't get married. And so that entered into her decision making as well. But the main thing is. And she's 42 now, but she's like, I really thought about the institution of marriage and how sometimes it doesn't work out. And I made the conscious decision to. To say no, that we don't. We. It's not that I don't want to marry you, but I just don't think that it is a necessary process for us to take.

[Burt]

Which seems like so against the cliche, you know, because the stereotype is every woman is ready to get married, and all guys are the ones that don't really need marriage, don't need the piece of paper. But a woman, I mean, yeah, she's ready. She was ready yesterday, right?

[Melissa]

And I'm curious of her age. Like, she's 42, so she's a little older. So I wonder if by that point she's like, well, if I'm 42, do I really want to go through the ceremony or all that. All that. I mean, I'm just wondering because she didn't put that in the article. But I'm curious if a 20 something year old woman who you would think, like you said, stereotypically is like ready to get married and dreaming about the day and already planning and already gathering her wedding planner magazines and everything, if she would actually be the one to also say, you know what, I don't, I don't really believe in the institution of marriage.

[Burt]

Well, it'd be different people. Right. Because if you were, if you're in your 20s already and you have that folder full of bride stuff and wedding stuff, then you're probably not.

[Melissa]

That's what you expect a 20 something year old to have.

[Burt]

But we're looking for like the female George Clooney.

[Melissa]

Yeah, it's just like I don't need that.

[Burt]

I don't believe in the institution. It doesn't matter if I'm 20, 30, 40, I will never, ever, ever, ever get married.

[Tracy]

I think if, maybe if it's because she's 42, she's old enough and wise enough to realize that she's a completely different person now than she was when she was 32 and then from 32 to 22. So she just figures she's probably going to change a lot over the next 40 years. So how does she know she's really going to want to be with that person forever? Maybe I'm in no rush to get married.

[Caller/Listener]

I don't really care to get married.

[Burt]

Well, I think there's a difference though, like because you say you're in no rush, I think that we'll probably end up finding women today around your age, 22, that just are, no matter what, I will never get married. You're open to it?

[Tracy]

I'm open to it.

[Caller/Listener]

But I don't think you have to have marriage in order to stay in.

[Melissa]

A relationship with somebody. I don't think I need to get married.

[Caller/Listener]

As long as you're with somebody and.

[Melissa]

You have a commitment, it shouldn't matter.

[Tracy]

But your parents are divorced, right?

[Burt]

They are.

[Tracy]

I think there might be a difference between the women that are, you know, Wendy's age that don't want to get married and the women that are 42. I think it's two totally different reasons. I think my generation was skeptical of marriage because all of our parents are divorced and we all, you know, the relationships in our life that are supposed to be the role model, relationships don't work out. So what makes us think that ours are going to? Whereas when you're 42, you might also just be set in your ways. And you've been independent your entire life, so it's a lot harder for you to make that commitment.

[Burt]

Morning, Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi. I'm 21 years old, and to me, like, marriage is a piece of paper.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it's just, like, what's the big difference? Because pretty much, like, you already love that person. You're already committed to that person. What's it really matter?

[Burt]

I just think it does. I mean, it makes it a lot easier to. To take off if you guys are going through rough periods if you're not married. Like, when you do get married, it's. It's a long haul. Right. And you go through ups and downs. Right. And I'm not sure if I wasn't married and didn't have that legal or commitment, I'm not sure I would have weathered it. I'm not sure.

[Caller/Listener]

You know, I have so many people that tell me that, and, like, I can understand that perspective, but I don't know. It's just. I mean, if you already love somebody, then, and you're already committed to that person, then what's a piece of paper going on?

[Melissa]

What Tracy just said. Are your parents divorced?

[Caller/Listener]

Yes.

[Melissa]

Okay. Do you think that has an influence on why you feel that way?

[Caller/Listener]

It might. I haven't really thought about it.

[Tracy]

And I think marriage, like, ages you, too.

[Caller/Listener]

Like, when you're married, you look a lot older, Fat.

[Melissa]

Well, not to be, like, rude or anything, but, like. Like, when you get older, it seems.

[Burt]

To, like, like, wear people down.

[Caller/Listener]

And I see, like, even when we go to restaurants and stuff, I see guys who aren't married, and they still look like they are in their 20s and they're in their late 30s.

Well, marriage ages you.

[Burt]

Like, in dog years. Yep.

[Melissa]

See?

[Caller/Listener]

And that's another reason not to get married.

[Burt]

I'm 22 years old. I look like I'm 78. Hey, Julie, you're on Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey. How are you?

[Burt]

Hey.

[Caller/Listener]

My parents have been together for 33 years. Well, it'll be 33 years in April. And they're not married.

[Burt]

Oh, wow.

[Caller/Listener]

You're illegitimate.

[Melissa]

Oh, come on.

[Caller/Listener]

I hate that.

[Burt]

I hate that word more than anything.

[Caller/Listener]

But they just refuse to get married. I mean, I've asked them before, you know, why wouldn't you get married? And they've just said the same thing. You know, we don't believe that we need a piece of paper to prove that we love each other and that we're. And that we want to be together. And I mean, I've seen them having, you know, huge fights. And I used to get worried when I was little. Oh, my God, you know, it'd be so easy for my dad to just leave or my mom to just leave. And in a way, I think that it made them stronger because every time they work through their fights and stay together, it's because I guess they really love each other.

[Burt]

You remember Susie, when we were talking around the world, Susie, she was dating this guy for a year, right? And she thought this was going to be the guy she was going to be with for the rest of her life. And after a year, out of nowhere, he just said, I just want to let you know, when it comes to this marriage thing, I think you and I can do it without being married. And she loved everything about this guy. He was perfect in every way, shape or form. But she had to make a decision. Is this the way I really want to go with my life? This is something that I've dreamt about my entire life. Do I really want to be in a relationship that is marriageless and she dumped the guy? It's not just not for me.

[Melissa]

Right. I think that is, you know, you're finding that the more important thing for a couple is what, and Bert said this over and over again, what makes sense to them? I know we've said that over and over, but I think for some, if they have this idealistic view of marriage and go into it without being willing to do the work that marriage takes or even a relationship takes, but I think that if you're in it, if you don't understand what your decision is, then I think that's when the marriages don't work. But if you truly believe that that is what I want as a marriage, or you truly believe you don't and you find somebody that feels the very same way you do, then regardless of whether you get married or not, I think it'll be fine and it'll work like that. Last caller's parents. 30 something years together, but they both agree on the same issue and they've worked out fine.

[Burt]

Morning. Q100. Good morning.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi.

[Burt]

Are you at the printing press or something?

[Caller/Listener]

Sorry.

I gotta know how this whole thing works.

She's at the loom.

I'm 25 and I don't really want to get married. I don't really think that, again, that you should have, like, that I should have to go to a church and like, stand up in front of everybody I know to say that I'm in love with somebody and I want to spend the rest of my life with them. I think it really shouldn't be about anyone else but you and that other person.

[Melissa]

Well, and you can, you know, you can still legalize your union as a straight couple without having to go in front of the church and in front of everybody. Is it more about the public display or is it about the actual license?

[Caller/Listener]

It's not so much about the public display, but I'm not really big on like Christianity. And so I think that it is kind of a Christian institution, marriage, for the most part.

[Burt]

Is that true?

[Caller/Listener]

I don't think so.

[Burt]

I mean, I think you get married in every religion, right?

[Caller/Listener]

I perhaps. I don't know. Maybe that's just my view.

You're ruining her argument. You know what the problem is with marriage is it's only for right handed people. And I don't like that left handed people get married too. No, it doesn't matter.

I mean, like, why do most weddings take place in churches? And what is. I mean, you know, the last several that I've been to have been at a church with a minister, et cetera.

Well, do you have any friends that are Muslim or Jewish?

I don't.

Well, then there you go.

[Burt]

They tend not to get married in churches.

[Melissa]

Well, let's just say I haven't been.

[Caller/Listener]

To a lot of Jewish weddings.

[Melissa]

She feels that there's a religious influence in marriage. We'll leave it at that.

[Tracy]

Oh, I definitely agree with that because we got married in the church. And for me, I mean, the legal aspect, like that's easy to get, you know, to dissolve that and you can easily just go to the courthouse with that. But the hard part for me would be, I mean, it was a spiritual commitment that I made and that would be harder for me to turn my back on.

[Burt]

Hey, Barbara, you're on Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi, Bert, how are you?

[Melissa]

All right.

[Burt]

How are you?

[Caller/Listener]

I'm really good. I've been in a relationship for over a year with a man that is. My son's in the car, so I can't say it, but. M A, R, R, I, E, B. Oh, married.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Burt]

No.

[Caller/Listener]

So you're having an affair.

[Melissa]

So you're the mistress. Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

Yes.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

And it's falling apart. And I've known that from the very beginning. But we actually had the conversation last night about whether he's able to make a commitment to me. And he said that he wants to, but he can't. That he thinks that commitment is a promise and that he can't make me any promises about Our future.

[Burt]

Do you think he can't commit to you because he's in a committed marriage?

[Caller/Listener]

It's not a committed. It's not a committed.

Honey, first of all, it's not a committed marriage. Then yes it is, cuz it's a marriage.

[Melissa]

Yeah. Let me. First of all, he's already shown you he can't make a commitment because he couldn't to his wife. And secondly, if you've been dating him a year. Is that what you said? How long have you been dating?

[Caller/Listener]

Over a year.

[Melissa]

You know he's not gonna leave his wife, so. For you. So that's just. If nobody's told you that, I'm telling you that right now.

[Tracy]

And if he does some, he's gonna leave you for somebody else.

[Burt]

Yeah. Wouldn't you always worry about that?

[Caller/Listener]

And if that doesn't happen, you're gonna catch a horrible disease.

[Burt]

We are doomed here, aren't we?

[Caller/Listener]

If you don't catch a horrible disease, you're gonna fall off the face of the earth.

[Melissa]

She's a mistress.

[Caller/Listener]

You'll stop being affected by gravity.

[Melissa]

She's a. She's a mistress. And I'm just. I'm just telling her the truth. He's not gonna leave you, his wife, for you.

[Burt]

I don't understand what your point is on the whole the commitment as opposed to marriage thing though.

[Caller/Listener]

What do you guys consider a commitment and what do you guys consider a promise? Do you think it's the same thing?

[Burt]

Well, a commitment to me, I mean, for me was when I committed to my wife in our marriage, I committed for the rest of our lives.

[Caller/Listener]

And by the way, there's no difference between a commitment and a promise if they're coming from a person who lies. Which is what? The guy, when he is cheating on his wife.

[Melissa]

Why are you.

[Burt]

It's a legal commitment.

[Tracy]

Also, are you talking about a promise to be with you forever or a promise to only be with you and just you right now?

[Caller/Listener]

No, in the future, down the road.

After he leaves his wife, but before you catch the horrible disease and float away.

[Burt]

Thank you for calling. Bye bye. Yeah, I mean, the phone lines were lit up with like 22, 23 year olds saying, I just know now I will never, ever, ever get married.

[Melissa]

And I do think that Tracy has a great point about there's a whole generation of kids who have divorced parents. And it's really kind of unique because those divorced parents came from a generation of parents who stayed together. Now, I'm not saying that couples that stayed together for 50 years were happy and that was a happy household. It was just harder and sometimes just taboo to have a divorce back then. You know what I mean?

[Burt]

I heard a quote the other day, I wanted to from a friend who. It's just so depressing when it comes to marriage. Who knows a couple that was married for 50 years and asked the man in the committed in the marriage, what's the secret to keeping your relationship together for 50 years? And his answer to her was, we never fell out of love with each other at the same time. Oh, wow.

[Melissa]

Ouch.

[Burt]

So they were, I guess, the ebbing and flowing of the relationship. He'd be out of love, but she was in love, and that kept it together. And then there would be other cycles when it was just the opposite, and that's what kept them together. And you hear something like that and you're like, how can you not feel dark about marriage?

[Melissa]

You know, my feeling is because I can get married. If you were told that you could not get married to the person you're with, it depends on if you would have anger or relief in your heart. And that kind of determines whether or not you would, you know, should be with that person or ask that person to marry you.

[Burt]

Hey, the bird show. Okay, let's reset all the emails in the married guy challenge. This is going to take a second, so if you're a new listener, bear with us for just a minute. So months ago, these guys said it was in the fall.

[Caller/Listener]

Yep.

[Burt]

Yeah, I issued a married guy challenge because I was just fed up with listening to guys that have been married, you know, 10, 12 years or whatever, all saying the same thing, that if they were younger, if they only knew then what they know now, man, they would just. They would kill in this town. They would slay in this town. There wouldn't be a woman they couldn't sleep with. They'd be having sex all the time.

[Caller/Listener]

Because now that they're married, they know all about women. They'd be the best now.

[Burt]

They're more confident, they're wiser. They just know how the game is played now. And it's the shackles of marriage that have been put on that is just keeping them from being able to, you know, screw around all around Atlanta. And I heard it time and time and time again. So I issued a challenge. And the challenge was get the permission of your wife and then go ahead and collect as many phone numbers as you can for an entire week, then call me back and let me know if you did any better now than you did back then. And nobody would Take me up on it. I think we had a couple of women called up that wanted their guys to actually do it to boost their confidence, the guys confidence. So no guys were taking me up on it or were brave enough to.

[Caller/Listener]

Approach their wives about it.

[Burt]

Right. We did get an email from a guy that said that the actual segment itself had created some controversy in his own house. Cuz when he got home, he and his wife are big time Burke show listeners and from time to time they'll talk about things that happen on the show. And she brought up the fact that this married guy challenge was issued and they started debating it back and forth and then she became a little bit more aggressive about it, demanding that, that he take the challenge. And at first he thought she was joking, but she really wasn't. And she would never really give him a straight answer why she wanted him to go out and not just collect phone numbers, but actually hook up with a woman.

[Melissa]

Right?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah. She was like, go do it.

[Burt]

See if you can do it. Go see if you can have sex. I am giving you the opportunity to have sex with another woman. You've got a week to do it. Take the married guy challenge. Go have sex with another woman. And he didn't want to do it. So he emailed us and I read off his email. And then we had a whole bunch of Burt show listeners like give me advice to email back to him because he would not come on with us.

[Melissa]

Because you're like the middle man. Since he won't come on the show, then you're the messenger. We have to give you our questions and then you give back his answers.

[Burt]

And this went back and forth like four or five different emails. And I went over some of the emails yesterday and I've just highlighted the ones that I think have the pertinent information on it based on the final email that I haven't read you.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

The final email, I feel like that should be on gold paper.

It's like the final suitcase on Dealer.

No deal, right?

[Burt]

It may be. It may be. Alright. So at one point you guys asked me if he'd go on the air with us. He said no, he'd suggest it, but he knows what her reaction would be, that there'd be no way and she might be really upset about it and his friends would just give him all sorts of grief. So. No. Do you feel as though she treats you like a doormat? He wrote back, I've had friends tell me that I've changed since we've been together. If I was honest he wrote, yes, yes, yes. She's the alpha male. You guys asked me to ask him, do you think she has more confidence now that she's lost weight? Because he told us that they went on this weight thing together. They started hitting the gym together, and she lost a lot of weight. And he wrote back, she looks amazing. Not only has she lost the weight, but she takes way more time on her appearance now. She spends more time on clothes. She spends a ton at the salon, works out religiously, and, yes, she's more confident now. Then in another email, you guys asked, is it possible she's looking out for a way out of the marriage? He wrote back, I don't know. I guess that after all this, I'll believe anything. That was a big suggestion from Burchell listener saying, she's just looking for a way out. He said, I don't know. I guess it's possible. But he was really confused because this was so out of the ordinary for her to, like, be aggressive about it.

[Caller/Listener]

Through this whole time of us exchanging emails with him, she continually said, go sleep with another woman. She was the one who didn't drop it.

[Burt]

And she wouldn't give him a reason why she was being so strong, you know, in her suggestion, you guys asked me to ask him about her sexual past. She said she thinks she's probably had more than 20 experiences. We multiplied that by 30. And you asked about the general status of his relationship. He wrote back, if there's been any change at all, it was for the better. About two years ago, we both started dating because. Or dieting because we hated the way we looked. So I'm doing things a little bit out of order. We've both gone to the gym together. We eat right. We've taken off a ton of weight. This is really the only big change we've had in years. And I think that's the pertinent stuff right there.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Burt]

Is there anything else I'm missing you.

[Melissa]

Guys can remember that I can remember? No, I just. The fact, like, Jen said that she's so insistent. She's so insistent about it, and for him to not like previous callers or, you know, last fall when we did this about just building confidence, but she wants him to go out and be with another woman.

[Burt]

To the insistent question, you guys asked me to ask him why she's so insistent about this. And he wrote back, she said, I have to ask myself why I'm not taking her up on the opportunity. So she was never really answering this question at all.

[Caller/Listener]

She was Jedi mind Tricking him.

[Burt]

Totally. She said 99% of men would never question their wife. When she said, you have one week to have sex with as many women as you want, that's not true.

[Caller/Listener]

If your wives came to you and said, you have one week, you would look at her like she was nuts. I mean, you might like to fantasize about the idea, but.

[Burt]

So I'll continue in this email.

[Caller/Listener]

Seriously?

[Burt]

You'd be like, what, One week? Give me an hour, whatever.

[Caller/Listener]

And a phone book.

Yeah.

[Melissa]

That doesn't include BlackBerry Exchange.

[Burt]

All right, so I think the last time that we emailed him, we made this suggestion, like, turn it around on her or tell her that you actually were going to go do it and see what her reaction was.

[Caller/Listener]

Jedi mind trick.

[Burt]

The Jedi go back and do it to her. He never responded back to that. But here's what I got a few days ago.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay, the final. This is the final, final one.

[Burt]

It could be, but he's still sort of asking for advice here, so I'll give the phone number out. 404-741. Q100. Hey, Bert, I know it's been a long time since we've had any email exchange. I didn't want to update you until there really was something to update you with. And, boy, now I have an update. My wife left me a few weeks ago.

[Melissa]

Oh, no.

[Burt]

She's fallen out of love with me. It's been painful, but she said she's been out of love with me for a long time now. The only thing that kept her around, she said, was that she made a vow to me before God and she wanted to stick to her commitment. She said she realized that she just has a different outlook on life now. When I asked her when she started to feel differently, she said that it was probably after we lost all that weight together. She said she couldn't pinpoint the exact time, but she bluntly told me that she started fantasizing about what life would be like without me a long time ago. That must be hard to hear. And even though she made a commitment to me, she realizes now that life is precious and she wasn't living life to its fullest. She said she wants to explore, and this is his quote, her new self, whatever that means. Maybe one of you can explain that to me, actually. Because when I ask her, she says it's unexplainable and that she feels like a metamorphosis has come over her and this is who she is now.

[Caller/Listener]

She's like a butterfly.

[Burt]

And the new her doesn't love A man like me, I guess she said that I've done nothing wrong, that I haven't changed a bit, and that I'm exactly the man now that she fell in love with. But she also couldn't deny who she's turned into. I still don't want to come on the radio because we have too many friends that listen. I'm still hoping that she'll realize the old me is still good enough to be with her. To be honest, I've never thought of a life without her. I'm sure the signs were there. I guess the only one I saw was your married man challenge. Thanks again for all the advice your listeners have given me. I can't say it helped, but some of them sure were right. She was out of love. I don't think she was having an affair, but who knows? I'll continue to listen every day, and we'll be interested to see what you guys have to think. Aww.

[Melissa]

Sucks.

[Caller/Listener]

Sad.

[Melissa]

Well, it's like we were talking about her wanting to get out. She was trying to get him to do something to make her feel better about wanting to leave that relationship.

[Burt]

You know, I think most had nailed it. Like, for whatever reason, she was kind of pushing him out the door.

[Caller/Listener]

So what advice was he asking for in that letter?

[Burt]

He was just saying that maybe you guys can explain this to me.

[Caller/Listener]

Just explaining her metamorphosis and her change.

[Burt]

Yeah, her new self. She wants to explore her new self is what he's most confused about.

[Caller/Listener]

Did we figure out how old they are?

[Burt]

Mm. Never asked. Does it matter?

[Caller/Listener]

Well, I just was thinking, like, if they got married really young and maybe she just grew in the process of being married to him and realized she grew in a different direction.

[Burt]

Good morning, Liz. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi. How are you guys?

[Burt]

Good. How are you?

[Caller/Listener]

I'm good. I'm so pumped right now. I listen to you all the time, and hearing this really kind of makes me upset. Just because I think that her reasoning in the whole thing was that when they got married, she was probably not, like, you know, thin or anything. And he took her for how she was, and she got comfortable in the marriage and in the relationship. And then once she lost the weight, she found this new kind of confidence, and she probably got attention elsewhere, and she just probably got tired of him. And because she lost the weight and because she got the attention elsewhere, she grew selfish and realized that she can probably do better. And so that's why she left him, because her ego got in the way.

[Burt]

See, now, as A guy. I'm listening to this and I'm getting a whole bunch of mixed messages because I've heard women say before that I was thin when we met, then I put the weight on and his attitude changed towards me, and then I took the weight back off, and I couldn't see him for the same guy because I knew his attraction to me was just weight related. Now here's a guy that loved her when she was heavy and she loses the weight and she falls out of love with him.

[Melissa]

Yeah, that's the thought. I had to. Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

I think that this caller may be right, that she just started to get, you know, different kind of attention and had never been used to that.

[Melissa]

Maybe, but she's not gonna find better. She found somebody that loved her for who she was. Mm.

[Burt]

So, like, if you guys had to write a predicted script, do you think that eventually she goes out there and sorta tests the waters to see what's going on out there and then ends up back with him?

[Melissa]

She'll. I think she'll eventually come back to him and say, I'm so sorry, I didn't know what I had. But I don't know whether that's gonna take her getting into a relationship with someone else who's gonna treat her poorly or not.

[Caller/Listener]

But by that time, he could have moved on and found somebody else who doesn't go out and beg him to have sex with somebody else.

[Burt]

This is what he said also, and this is the one that I circled, said, I've done nothing wrong, that I haven't changed a bit, and I'm exactly the man now that she fell in love with. So, like, the dude didn't do anything wrong.

[Melissa]

That's just cruel to say.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, I wonder, are they separated or is she gone for good?

[Burt]

It just says what it says when I read to you. Good morning, Katie. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, guys. I definitely think that after she lost weight, she cheated on him and then started feeling bad about herself. So she wanted him to go out and sleep with other people.

[Burt]

That was a theory early on.

[Caller/Listener]

It's actually not a bad thought. And then when he couldn't do it, she's like, he's too good for me.

[Burt]

She takes off.

[Melissa]

She had to leave.

[Burt]

I want to follow up with him. Like, I want to follow over the next couple of weeks and months, because my bet is that she'll go out there and she'll start dating or whatever and realize her, you know, it's just not as great as she thought it was going to be. And she'll start calling him back to start that life over again. And to be honest with you, my hope is that he's already moved on.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, but didn't it say in there that she told him she had been thinking about a life without him for a really long time?

[Burt]

Right now, she doesn't specify how long that was. Was it right as she started losing the weight or was it before then? Who knows?

[Caller/Listener]

Right.

[Burt]

Good morning. Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey.

[Melissa]

Hey, Jennifer.

[Caller/Listener]

How you doing? I just had to say something as far as when you're not in love with yourself completely as a person, you can't give love to somebody else. And because we all know, like, if you, if you've lost weight, like, if you, if you come down 30 pounds, if you come down 50 pounds, like, your attitude towards life, towards yourself is always going to be different and people are going to look at you, how you see yourself. So when the whole world was looking at her differently, then I don't know how much weight she lost, but if she lost an extensive amount of weight, her attitude towards life in general is going to change. And if he stayed the same, which most guys do and girls always change, then I could see where she would fall out of love with him because of the fact that she has a new love for herself that she needs to give to somebody.

[Burt]

But he appreciated, he appreciated the woman that was. I don't know.

[Melissa]

Yeah, I see what you're saying. But he, yeah, he, she was in a relationship with him and he loved her the way she was, and he was loving her the way she was now and worked with her to do it. Like, it's like Bert said it is mixed messages because everything happened the way we always give advice for do it together, work together, and they did it together, and then she ended up leaving him anyway.

[Burt]

You know, relationships can't work. Nobody should ever, ever be.

[Melissa]

Well, this goes into, you know, there's some people who believe that we're not naturally supposed to be monogamous anyway.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, it is.

[Burt]

I believe that. I really do. As I get older, I really believe that. That it, I'm not saying that you can't do it, but I'm saying it goes against your net. And I know we fought about this before. I think, I think it goes, Yeah, I think it goes across nature. I'm saying you can fight it and you can overcome it, but I think naturally you just, you, you have a need to be with other people.

[Caller/Listener]

I was gonna say before, when we were talking to the caller, I would love to hear her side of things, you know? Cause we're just getting his side. So, like, the way that he's viewing it is, you know, she lost all this weight, and that's when everything changed. But she may. She may have some sort of, you know, completely opposite story of, well, he started. Who knows, you know? And you never even know what it is. Like, maybe he started playing golf every weekend and spent every weekend playing golf while I was home. Whatever it is, like, we're just not. We're only getting half of the story. We're only getting his side of things.

[Burt]

Well, according to him, she says, you've done nothing wrong. You're the same dude.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, maybe.

[Burt]

Hey, Chelsea, you're on Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi. I just wanted to say, you know, I'm kind of going through the exact same thing that the female and the guy going through. I've been with my fiance probably, like 10 years, and I gained. When we met, I was. Then I gained all this weight, and then I lost it all, but he still stood by me no matter what. We were very much together. And then I lost all my weight again. And I'm like, I want you to want to date other people. And he's like, no. And I try to push him towards it because I kind of feel bad about looking at other guys because I'm starting to date other guys outside of the relationship, and it's just like I've fallen out of love with them. And, you know.

[Burt]

So, I mean, am I hearing here, like, if you're a guy and you're married or you're dating a woman that's overweight, should you be nervous when she starts losing a lot of weight?

[Caller/Listener]

I don't know.

[Melissa]

I don't know.

[Caller/Listener]

I've never. I've been lucky. I've never gone through any sort of drastic weight change, so I don't even. I wouldn't have a clue what that feels like.

Hey, don't. No, no, no, no. You look great. Don't get. Stop trying. Stop trying to get all skinny and hot. Come on, let's all. You know what? Let's go to the buffet. Let's go to Chinese, have a burger, honey.

[Burt]

Come on. More. Come on.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, I'm bringing home milkshakes, extra cheese. Do you think there's any guys who do that? Keep the women fat?

[Burt]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Melissa]

I'm sure. I'm sure.

[Burt]

Because there's always tomorrow.

[Melissa]

The guys don't want any other guy to look at them.

[Burt]

That's the reason why, you know, hey, Sarah, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, I was. I did this to my ex husband, the cruel hearted person that did this. But I lost over 50 pounds and I was, you know, right at 30. And I think she was just trying to soften the blow for him to let him know that he could still get women and he was going to be okay because she already knew she was leaving. So I think, I think she was.

[Burt]

So she did this out of love? She was sweet. Come on.

[Caller/Listener]

No, I'm serious. I mean, not like. She's not like a great person, but, you know, I mean, people do fall out of love with each other.

[Burt]

So you say her suggestion for him to go out and find a woman and have as many sex with as many women as he can was her weaning him back into society. What was going to happen in a couple of weeks?

[Caller/Listener]

Exactly, I guess.

Is that what you did?

Well, no, I just left him. But he happened to be crazy too. So it wasn't just that he wasn't a nice person.

[Burt]

Right. Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

You know, she said she's. She still loves him and, you know, not a bad person. So they'll try to soften the blow a little bit.

[Burt]

Dale hung up and said that he should look at this like a second opportunity for himself also, which is a little easier said than done, probably when.

[Melissa]

You, when somebody else makes the choice for you, it's never.

[Caller/Listener]

It'll take a while for him to be. But I think there might be a point where he's like, hey, this really ain't that bad. This is pretty cool. And hopefully he'll be right in the middle of that when she comes back to him, maybe all fat again because she's too busy having sex with strangers to think about her diet or get on the treadmill. She can get all fat, she get those love handles. And her skin's gonna have all sorts of weird stretch marks because she's up, down, up down, up, down, up, down. And she's gonna come back to him and he's gonna say, get away from you fat stretch mark monster. I loved you when you were big, but I will not love you when you're stretched. Oh, my gosh.

So I'm gonna get him some cold medicine.

[Burt]

The first show. Let me ask you guys a question. I want this to be more like one of those five calls says it all type thing. But this is just for women to call in with this morning. Because over the weekend I was hanging out with a guy that's about 23 years old. And we started talking about Bitterball, and he said he's not going to be going because he's planning on proposing to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day. And. Right. And at first I thought, oh, how romantic. But then I remembered you guys in the back of my head going, it's a cliche day.

[Caller/Listener]

It is a little Hallmark Y.

[Burt]

It's a little cliche ish day. Right. Is what you guys have said in the past.

[Caller/Listener]

But I do have some friends who got engaged on Valentine's Day because he knew that would be the only day he could actually surprise her. Because it was like this, because they typically aren't that kind of couple that would celebrate Valentine's Day or make a big deal out of it or anything like that. And it was kind of at that stage in their relationship where they had been talking about getting married for a while. They've been together a really long time. They lived together, all that kind of stuff. And he kept trying to come up with a way to surprise her and just thought that anything he planned would be. She would sort of assume. So he did it at dinner on Valentine's Day, and she was shocked. Absolutely floored. So it was like, because it was so opposite of them as a couple, it worked.

[Burt]

It made sense. Only because she would never see it coming. That.

[Caller/Listener]

Exactly.

[Melissa]

And that's unique. Yeah, I think it is cliche. You don't want to. You don't want to share the anniversary of being, you know, proposed to with the. I mean, with the majority of women. If this is the only day that guys can think of to ask, you know, the girlfriends to marry him. It's just. It just seems so unoriginal.

[Burt]

I think too easy. Yeah. All right, 404, 741Q100. He was saying that he knows the statistics are out there. Like, 65% or 70% of women don't like the way that they were proposed to. And he's like, I don't want to be one of those guys. But I think on Valentine's Day, and he had a really romantic night, like, all planned for. But I don't know if just the day itself, excuse me, is such a cliche that it doesn't matter what you do on that day, it'll take away from it because so many others are getting proposed to on that day.

[Caller/Listener]

It's like he should almost do it Wednesday a day before or something, you know, like, just to beat the cliche to the punch, I guess.

[Burt]

Hey, Christy, Good morning.

[Caller/Listener]

Good morning, Bert. I think it's Cheesy My husband, I've always, number one, thought Valentine's Day was a Hallmark holiday. And my husband surprised me on the 15th instead of the 14th in front of all of my family. And I thought it was the best thing. And I was totally surprised.

That's a good idea.

[Burt]

Do you agree that the. I mean, and this guy was going to do it in front of a whole bunch of people? I think at the restaurant also. So to add to that does. We've said before that maybe the public engagement, the public proposal doesn't work so well either?

[Caller/Listener]

Not on Valentine's Day. It's usually crowded, loud. It's not intimate. And although everybody want to think it is not, I just think it's a Hallmark overrated day. And I think it. And it depends on the girl also, if she thinks it's a cheesy holiday or it's going to be a cheesy.

[Burt]

So as a general rule, would you tell guys not to propose on Valentine's Day?

[Caller/Listener]

Not to propose on Valentine's Day.

[Burt]

All right, that's just one call there, though.

[Melissa]

Now, is he. He plans on doing it on the 14th at dinner in front of everybody at the restaurant.

[Burt]

Exactly.

[Melissa]

He may not be the only one. Like, that's the only danger there is that he's going to think he to do it and then some other guy's going to be beat him. And, you know, that's the thing. Like thunder.

[Burt]

If you're not the first one that proposes in front of everybody, then it's really not a big deal, right?

[Melissa]

What do you mean?

[Burt]

If you're the second or the third or the fourth guy that proposes in the restaurant, it's a big deal for the first guy that proposes.

[Caller/Listener]

Right.

[Burt]

And then everybody after him, it's like, now it becomes a joke.

[Caller/Listener]

You are rolling their eyes like, dude, I just want to eat my creme brulee.

[Burt]

We get it. We get it, you know? Good morning, Terry. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Good morning, Bertram.

[Burt]

Good morning.

[Caller/Listener]

I do not think that it's a cheesy holiday to get proposed on. I got proposed last year on Valentine's Day, and it was such a surprise. My boyfriend and I have been going out for a very long time, and he took me on a helicopter ride over Atlanta and proposed to me there.

You had to know that was coming, though.

I had no idea.

Are you sure? Are you just being nice to him for his story?

I have absolutely no idea.

Okay.

[Burt]

I don't know if I believe you because most know, like, as soon as you Got in the helicopter. You must have gone, okay, something cool is going on here, right?

[Caller/Listener]

No, I feel that he had me going forever. The only way that I knew it was about to happen is when he started to give me this long speech about, you know, I love you and this and this and this and that. And then he pulled it out of his pocket. I was totally, totally, totally shocked.

[Melissa]

Let me ask a question. Before he proposed to you, were you against guys proposing on Valentine's Day?

[Caller/Listener]

No.

[Burt]

You know what?

[Caller/Listener]

Actually, luckily, I had it in my mind, like, he better do it. He better do it. But the night. The way the night went on, I was like, oh, well, I'm not doing. He's not doing it. He's not doing it.

[Burt]

I think the lesson.

[Caller/Listener]

It happened.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Burt]

The lesson you could learn here is that if you're gonna do it on Valentine's Day, it's gotta be so over the top that it offsets the cliche. That could be the proposal on Valentine's Day.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Like, a helicopter ride's still pretty cool.

[Caller/Listener]

That's very cool.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Good morning, Tiffany. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Good morning. My husband proposed to me on his birthday and said it was the best birthday present he could ever give himself. I think Valentine's Day is cheese. That's so sweet.

[Burt]

That's pretty good right there.

[Caller/Listener]

I liked it.

[Burt]

And you said valentine's Day works or does not work?

[Caller/Listener]

Does not work for me.

[Burt]

Does not work for you either. Okay.

[Melissa]

That's a great idea.

[Caller/Listener]

That's cute.

[Burt]

Good morning, Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

I don't think it's cheesy. My husband proposed to me on Valentine's Day, and he actually did it at a restaurant.

[Burt]

And.

[Caller/Listener]

And he did it in front of everyone. We went to a restaurant at a baseball complex, and he put it on the big Jumbotron, and everyone looked, and I was totally surprised because we had talked about getting married, and he was like, well, I don't know when we can do it because I can't afford your engagement ring. And so I don't think it's cheesy. I was totally surprised. I was shocked, in tears and crying, and we were both nervous as could be. So I don't think it's just. I don't think it's the Hallmark holiday.

[Burt]

Thank you for calling.

[Caller/Listener]

Thank you.

[Burt]

All right, Melissa, now that she's gone, you can tell everybody why you rolled your eyes when she brought up the Joe Motron.

[Melissa]

Well, I just felt like it was geared. I felt like it was geared toward him, you know? Like, it was. He took her to a baseball complex and put it on the Jumbotron. And it just. A lot of people, like, she liked it. She cried.

[Caller/Listener]

Like that public engagement, like the, you know, like, announcing to the world, you know, will you marry me to this woman?

[Melissa]

That's a violation of what we've said before, right?

[Burt]

Yeah, I think just. Guys, we keep setting the bar lower and lower and lower for y', all. So, I mean, it could happen. Stuck in traffic on Spaghetti Junction right now. Most of you'd be like, this is the coolest thing ever.

[Caller/Listener]

He was so thoughtful.

[Burt]

He was so thoughtful.

[Melissa]

I think that's what we're getting is, well, I got proposed to him Valentine's Day, and I don't think it's a Hallmark car. But you did five years ago, maybe.

[Burt]

Hey, Christina, you're on Q100. Hey.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey.

I think it's completely cheesy. I mean, I'm all for Valentine's Day, but that's the one day of the year that we can actually, you know, expect something nice. Do it on a different day where we get two holidays.

[Burt]

So extend it, you're saying.

[Caller/Listener]

Spread it out.

[Burt]

Spread it out a little bit. You guys are making us work so hard.

[Caller/Listener]

Come on.

[Burt]

Come on now.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey.

My fiance had to do it, so I actually asked them not to do on Valentine's Day, and he did, and.

[Burt]

He honored that wish.

[Caller/Listener]

You said he honored it, and he.

[Burt]

Did it on another day. There's a whole bunch of dudes listening right now that were all set to propose on Valentine's Day and are pulling a complete U turn right now.

[Caller/Listener]

Or just do it early. Do it on the 13th. Or like that woman said, do it on the 15th.

[Melissa]

But if you have everything planned, just know that there may have to be some, like, last minute change to your plan. Because if you're in that restaurant like Burt's friend, and somebody else gets up and proposes. Proposes, then you better just drop those plans that night and plan on it another day. Don't be the second dude to get up and propose to your girlfriend.

[Burt]

As soon as you sit down, even before the waiter gets there, get down on the knee. Because if you wait for appetizers, it could be too late.

[Melissa]

Right?

[Caller/Listener]

True.

Get it?

[Burt]

The bird show.