Full Show PT 3: Tuesday, November 18 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Tuesday, November 18 [Vault]

Date: November 18, 2025
Cast: Burt, Stacy, Jeff, Steve, Knox
Podcast Theme: Real, funny, and authentic conversations about life, family, and the occasional dose of listener drama and entertainment news.

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Episode Overview

This episode blends signature Bert Show humor with family stories and relatable parenting challenges. The main focus is Burt’s quest to name his family's future English bulldog "Dude"—and the psychological games he’s playing with his young son to make that happen. The team also riffs on quirky news (like a grandma jailed for yarn theft), dives into the effectiveness (and ethics) of parental manipulation, and flexes their creative muscles with an original song. Listeners call in with their own naming and family stories, making it a fun, community-driven segment.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Great Puppy-Naming Scheme

[01:37–09:03, 19:01–30:56]

• Burt’s Dilemma:
  Burt wants to name the upcoming family bulldog “Dude,” a term of endearment in his household, but his wife, Stacy, says their 4-year-old son Hayden should have the honor (01:58–03:37).

  • Quote: “I want to keep that in the family. I really want to name our dog Dude. ... It’s kind of how I had my mind set on it.” —Burt ([02:41])

• Planting the Seeds:
  Burt uses nightly storytelling, weaving elaborate and heroic tales about “Dude the Bulldog” to subconsciously influence Hayden’s future puppy-naming decision (04:17–05:21).

  • Quote: “He flies. He swims. He’s bigger than life, Dude the Bulldog.” —Burt ([05:01])
  • Jeff’s warning: “Letting the four-year-old do that can go horribly wrong.” ([08:16])

• Parental ‘Psychology’:
  The team debates whether this is manipulation or creative parenting (“mental engineering”), sharing anecdotes about kids giving pets odd names, and considering alternative naming strategies (such as a family name-draw) ([07:04–08:14]).

• Flexibility if the Plan Fails:
  Burt insists he will accept whatever name Hayden picks—even if it’s “Lucy”—but is pretty sure his scheme will succeed.

  • Quote: “I am so confident in this plan that that won’t happen.” —Burt ([06:11])
  • “Am I prepared to be flexible in this area? Yes.” ([06:36])
  • “But I’m going to make sure that doesn’t happen. ... I’m going to start making posters of what Dude the Bulldog looks like.” ([06:39])

• Listener Stories:

  • Listeners share similar experiences, including misunderstandings over pet names (“Thunder ... No, no, no, Thunder”) ([08:16–08:42]).
  • Kristen calls in to caution that sometimes kids still pick something unexpected, despite parents’ efforts ([25:39–26:33]).

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2. Musical Brainwashing: “Dude the Bulldog” Song

[19:01–30:08]

• Jeff’s Gift:
  To help Burt secure the desired name, Jeff writes and performs a catchy original song, “Dude the Bulldog,” designed to reinforce the name through repetition and melody ([23:40–24:46]).

  • Song excerpt:
    “My best friend is a dog named Dude,
    he is short and funny and cute ...” —Jeff ([23:54–24:42])
  • Burt’s delight: “That is really great ... the brainwashing continues.” ([24:48], [25:19])

• Community Collaboration:
  The cast analyzes the ‘effectiveness’ of such efforts, poking fun at how many adults it takes to outsmart a four-year-old.

  • Quote: “It’s taking four adults that are pretty educated. ... I’m smart of a four-year-old.” —Burt ([27:33])
  • The team considers playing the song on repeat, even during Hayden’s REM sleep, drawing parallels with college “sleep learning” tricks ([28:24–28:46]).

• Final Pledge:
  Burt promises to record Hayden’s final decision as proof, regardless of the outcome:

  • Quote: “I will record it. Whatever he comes up with. If it’s not Dude, everything we’ve tried didn’t work, then that we’ll have to live with it.” —Burt ([30:08])

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3. Grandma, Yarn, and Jailable Offenses

[10:05–16:53]

• Funny Crime Beat:
  Shifting gears, the team discusses a local story about a 70-year-old grandma repeatedly jailed for stealing yarn and knitting needles.

  • Quote: “She has been convicted a dozen times in the past 20 years mainly for stealing yarn.” —Jeff ([12:05])
  • The cast debates whether prison is appropriate for elderly repeat offenders, infusing the conversation with typical Bert Show irreverence (“If you’re 75, just do what you want—steal a plane, rob a bank!”) ([14:00–16:15]).

• Listener Call-ins:
  One caller recounts bailing a grandparent out of jail for drug possession ([15:01]).

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4. Parenting, Memory, and Manipulation

[25:39–27:15]

• Listener Perspective:
  A listener shares an experience where her child chose a completely unrelated name for a pet, regardless of months of themed storytelling—a cautionary tale about the unpredictability of kids ([25:39–26:33]).

  • Quote: “We read this book every night for a year. We loved this kitty and she wanted to name the cat Sabrina.” —Kristen ([26:12])

• Strategizing for Success:
  The team jokes about perfectly timing the suggestion of “Dude” to coincide with naming, emphasizing the need for last-minute influence ([27:15–27:32]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Mental engineering. That’s what you are.” —Stacy ([08:13])
• “I know some are going to say the law is the law. I really do believe, like, when you’re 75, just do what you want enough.” —Burt ([14:00])
• “He will name the dog whatever he comes up with. If it’s not dude, everything we’ve tried didn’t work, then that we’ll have to live with it.” —Burt ([30:08])
• “If you see a bulldog today, what would you name it?” “Dude!” ([29:16–29:25])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Manipulating a 4-year-old to name the family dog “Dude”: [01:37–09:03], [19:01–30:56]
• Listener & family pet naming stories: [08:16–09:03], [25:39–27:32]
• Jeff’s “Dude the Bulldog” song (performance): [23:40–24:46]
• Grandma and the great yarn heist: [10:05–16:53]
• Debating minimum age for “crime immunity”: [14:00–16:15]
• Post-song strategies and wrap-up: [27:15–30:56]

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Tone & Style Notes

The episode is playful, conspiratorial, and peppered with quick-witted banter. The cast uses everyday family dilemmas to both amuse and connect with listeners, never shying away from a little self-deprecating humor (“It’s taking four adults that are pretty educated ... to outsmart a four-year-old”). Listeners are openly invited into the conversation, reinforcing the show’s community vibe.

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Conclusion

Through laughter-filled debates on parenting “psychology,” creative problem-solving, and their own humorous takes on real-life events, The Bert Show delivers an entertaining, engaging morning experience—complete with a genuine, crowd-involving mystery: will Hayden end up naming the dog “Dude,” or will preschool logic prevail?

For those who missed it: You’ll walk away with ideas for family negotiation, a catchy new pet-naming anthem, and plenty of laughs about the challenges of both parenting and growing old.

Transcript

[Knox]

Hi, this is Knox from the podcast with Knox and Jamie and maybe like us at the podcast you also know people who have been smokers or vapers and Zyn is the one product it seems like everyone is talking about because there are many good reasons to make a change to Zyn nicotine pouches reasons like Zyn Nicotine pouches are still America's number one choice for smoke free hands free nicotine satisfaction and you can choose between 10 varieties, each variety available in either 3 or 6 milligrams. Check out zen.com find to find Zen at a store near you. Warning this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

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[Burt]

The Bird show so there's this game of manipulation that it seems like constantly is going on now between me and my now 4 year old son and he certainly has been the master manipulator and I realize I have been losing. However, I think the next round is mine. I think I got him on this next one.

[Jeff]

He's not listening right now, is he?

[Burt]

I don't think he likes a regular guy. Yeah. So you know I've been very vocal in telling you guys about us losing our English bulldog. Been pretty Sad time in the house. But, you know, there does come a time where you start. Now you're starting to thinking about, okay, we gotta get another puppy. We gotta get a new puppy, right? And for the longest time, we have always kind of, like, known in the house that we're gonna get another English bulldog. We just love the breed. Kahuna was just, like, the best dog ever, man. I just want to. I want to keep that in the family. So for. Even before Kahuna left, when we were talking about getting another puppy, eventually I came up with the name Dude. I really want to name our dog Dude. You know, I'm from California. It's kind of like the. I know it sounds strange, but the term of endearment that me and my wife call each other, we're. We're. Dude.

[Stacy]

Yeah.

[Burt]

I mean, you come over our house. We're throwing dude around all the time, right?

[Jeff]

Some people are, honey. Some people are, sweetie.

[Burt]

You guys are like, dude, I know it's stupid.

[Jeff]

I hang out with them for the weekend. I come off of that weekend calling Ryan, my husband dude, and he's like, you have been hanging out with Burton.

[Stacy]

Stacy, I can smell.

[Burt]

But just the thought of naming our English bulldog Dude, I just always thought was funny, and I just. That's what I. That's just kind of how I had my mind set on it.

[Jeff]

Cute name.

[Burt]

So Stacy and I were talking about it the other day, and we're starting to think about when is a good time to bring a new puppy into the house if we want to do that. And I'm all excited. Yeah, let's go out and get dude, man. And she's like, well, but thinking about this a little bit, you know, like, this first puppy that we had, this is gonna be Hayden's first dog. I mean, from Puppy, right? You know, And.

[Stacy]

And, you know, I mean, this will be the dog that Hayden will grow up with.

[Burt]

Yes.

[Stacy]

So it's a very important dog in Hayden's life.

[Burt]

And keep in mind, when it comes to family life, I've got no history here. So none of this really makes any sense to me. But she says, so it's kind of like it only makes sense that Hayden should name our dog. I'm like, what? I mean, thinking about.

[Stacy]

Look at Bert stomping his feet.

[Steve]

What?

[Jeff]

Wow. That's my dog and my name. I'm gonna hold my breath so you cry.

[Burt]

So I'm like, I've had my Stacy. I've had my. I want to call him dude for. For years and years and years.

[Stacy]

Stacy and her two sons.

[Burt]

But it makes perfect sense to me. Even though I know, like, some kids have, like, ended up calling their dog, like, fire engine and stuff like that, I don't want to be walking around with, like, hey, fire truck. You know, I want. I want dude as the name of my next bulldog. So I bought into it. I said, stace, you are 100% on this. You know what? This is going to be his puppy. But what I have started to do. You guys ready for this? You guys ready for this? Is, like, from time to time, Hayden and I will make up stories, and we will storytell with each other. All right, My latest line of stories that I'm telling Hayden is about dude, the bulldog. So dude, the bulldog there ever was. Yes, the greatest bigger than life bulldog named dude who has swung. He swam across the English Channel. In one story, he switched save children from a burning a school. And another one just. He's outrageous. He flies. He swims. He's bigger than life, dude, the bulldog.

[Jeff]

And he's the best friend a little boy could ever have.

[Stacy]

Well, you gotta be careful with the flying thing, okay? Because you don't want Hayden tossing the puppy and going, come on, dude, fly.

[Burt]

It could go horribly wrong. But I have already planted the seeds.

[Steve]

And.

[Burt]

And every night before bed now he's starting to request a new story of dude, the bulldog. So when we get the puppy and we put the naming rights in his hands, I'm just assuming that he's gonna go ahead and he's gonna buy this and he's gonna name the dog Dude. Is that not. I mean, that's brilliant psychology right there. Tell me that's not flawless.

[Stacy]

I told Bert.

[Burt]

Upset.

[Jeff]

But what if he names it after a wiggle?

[Burt]

That won't happen.

[Jeff]

What if it does, though?

[Steve]

Like, what?

[Jeff]

What if, like, you've got.

[Stacy]

Are you sure, Hayden, you want it.

[Jeff]

To be called that?

Seriously, are you prepared for the dog to have a different name?

[Burt]

You know what? I am so confident in this plan that that won't happen.

[Jeff]

I'm asking you, though. What if he says that your male bulldog's name is Lucy? Like, what if that's the announcement that he makes and he says, are you sure, Daddy? Are you sure I can pick the name? And you go, yes, you can pick the name Hayden. And then he goes, lucy, it won't happen. What if he does?

[Burt]

It can't. It won't.

[Stacy]

Burt will make sure.

[Burt]

Am I prepared to be flexible in this area? Yes.

[Jeff]

You are willing to name your male bulldog Lucy?

[Burt]

If that's what we have to do. Because that is. It's a tradition. That makes sense to me.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Burt]

But I'm gonna make sure that doesn't happen. I mean, I'm gonna write posters. I mean, I'm gonna start making posters of what dude the bulldog looks like.

[Jeff]

Let me give you an option. A friend of mine said when she was growing up, they did this thing where they all put names in a hat. Everybody in the family got to pick a name and put it on a piece of paper and put it into.

[Burt]

That's great. Now all the names could be.

[Jeff]

Dude, I'm not convinced that her mom didn't do that. Because her mom wanted the dog's name to be Tina Turner. This is Elena's mom. And the dog's name ended up being Tina Turner. No. So they called the dog Tina. She palmed it. But I think that mom might have stacked the deck.

[Burt]

I bet. You know What? Because your 4 year old is obviously never a. They trust you.

[Jeff]

Can we get Elena and her mom on the phone to find out if that's.

[Burt]

That would be grass.

[Jeff]

It might be crushing, though. It might be crushing to find out his mom's second.

How old was your friend Elena when this all went down?

I don't remember. I know. She was a kid.

It's not going to matter anymore. Elena's what, 30 now? 28, 29? 30.

[Burt]

She available? Can you call her up? See if she can and then call her mom also.

[Jeff]

She might even be listening. Hold on.

[Burt]

But that's a brilliant plan because everybody writes the name of their dog down in. But your four year old obviously is never going to say, let me see what you wrote down. I don't trust you.

[Stacy]

That's what we do in here. No, I. Yeah, I told Bird off air. I said, I think that the older I get, the more I'm fascinated by parents manipulation of kids. Because I.

[Burt]

Let's not call it manipulation. Let's call it psychology.

[Stacy]

Because if I ever had children, I think that I would totally be the same way. Creative.

[Jeff]

Creative. Mental engineering.

[Burt]

Mental engineering.

[Stacy]

Mental engineering. That's what you are.

[Jeff]

You know the naming of the pet, letting the four year old do that can go horribly wrong. I dated a guy who had a little girl. She was 3, and she wanted a cat. So he went out and got her cat and he's like, okay, you can name the kitty whatever you want. She's like, I want to call him Thunder. And we were like, thunder it is. She's like, no, no, no, Thunder. So every time we would have to address the cat. It was not thunder. It was not thunder.

[Stacy]

It was thunder.

[Jeff]

Every time you yelled that, you hear that enough, you want to hit drive you crazy.

[Burt]

Hey, I'm not gonna allow that to happen. Bull. Dude, the bulldog will be such a bigger than life character in his life that he will be asking me to name the dog Dude. And I'll have to say something like, are you sure? You sure you want dude, Daddy?

[Jeff]

It makes sense.

[Burt]

I was thinking more like Lucy. And he's gonna go, no, no, it has to be Dude.

[Jeff]

When are you going to. When is this taking place? I didn't hear the first end of your story, but when are you gonna.

[Burt]

We haven't really committed to when we're getting the dog yet, but it's gonna. I'd say it's probably sooner than later.

[Jeff]

So within the next six months, there will probably be a puppy in the waste household.

[Burt]

I'd say probably within the next four weeks.

[Jeff]

Okay. So would you be open to recording?

[Burt]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeff]

Hayden choosing the name.

[Burt]

Oh, absolutely.

[Jeff]

And if he chooses, like, you have to, no matter what, like, I would almost send an engineer with you because I don't need you coming in going, yep, it's name Dude. End of story. Well, where's the audio tape screen?

[Stacy]

No, I tell you what the audio would be is all of a sudden there'll be a break in the recording, and it'll be Burt trying to imitate Hayden going, pee.

[Jeff]

You hear Hayden in his little baby voice, and then it cuts out.

[Burt]

Then you hear Burt going, dude, I absolutely will. I will absolutely record it. I am that confident in my psychology that this dog will be Dude. Hey, Tracy, Good morning. You're on Q100A.

[Steve]

Hey, we tried to do the same thing. My grandmother tried to get. I mean, my mother tried to get my daughter to call her Grandma Wonderful. And we practiced that. Grandma Wonderful. Grandma Wonderful. And it came out Big Mama.

[Burt]

The bird show. So thought about yesterday when we were talking or last week when we were talking about Willie Nelson. He found himself in the news last week in the Entertainment buzz. He's 70. He's 73 years old.

[Jeff]

73. They pulled over his tour bus, and the cop smelled some marijuana. So they searched the bus, and he and five of the touring crew on board were all given a misdemeanor, but nobody was charged with it because I guess they found mushrooms and marijuana. And had it been charged on one person, it would have been possession, like, with the intent to sell it. But because they divvied it up between all of them it was just a citation. And I said move, move on right along.

[Burt]

Willie, last week when the story came out, we asked you guys.

[Jeff]

Oh, really?

[Burt]

If there's anybody listening that knows that your parents or your grandparents smoke that kind of thing. Grandparents, grandparents.

[Jeff]

73.

[Burt]

This guy's 73. He is a grandparent, Right? We asked you guys, call us now if you know your grandparents do that kind of thing. Phone lines were lit up.

[Knox]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Lit up everybody.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Could have done it for an hour. My fantasy is that let's just pretend here, just for a second that Willie gets busted. 73 years old, goes to jail and calls his kids and his kids are not available. Right. So he has to call the second line of defense and that is the grandparents to come bail him out of jail. And that's where we're going with this because there's another grandkids, rather grandkids to come bail him out of jail because that's where we're going with this. If you ever had to bail out your grandparents from jail, give us a call right now. 404741 1005. Not even necessarily based on Willie Nelson's story last week, we can stick around here locally to yesterday.

[Jeff]

Yeah. If you are headed to the DeKalb county area today, if you're there now, you may want to move your wallet to your front pocket, hold your purse in front of you, lock your possessions in your car. Because out on the streets of DeKalb county, although not for much longer. Audrey Yandel, a 70 year old grandmother and retired nurse. She has been convicted a dozen times in the past 20 years mainly for stealing yarn. According to the chief assistant district attorney in DeKalb County.

She just wants to knit.

[Stacy]

She wants to go to a stitch and bitch party.

[Jeff]

She was caught stealing yarn at a Decatur shop in January 05 and then a few months, about a year later, knitting needles from a Dunwoody business in May 2006.

[Knox]

Felon.

[Burt]

She's got a problem now. It's a problem.

[Stacy]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Claims to be seeking psychiatric help for her compulsive behavior disorder. But nonetheless, the judge saw fit to sentence her to one year in jail.

Oh no.

Six months probation. And she is now forbidden from entering any store that sells yarn.

No, no, she can't go to jail.

She's going to jail.

[Hers Representative]

She is?

[Burt]

Yes, she's.

[Stacy]

What is a 70 something year old woman not being able to go to Hancocks gonna do?

[Jeff]

Seriously, 12 times in 20 years. She is a repeat offender.

[Steve]

Get her out of.

[Jeff]

Michael.

She is just bored, okay?

[Burt]

There's other things to do.

[Jeff]

One Life to Live is not providing her with enough entertainment in her life. She's just got to see if she could get away with it.

[Burt]

I do agree with you. Like, there's, there's, there should be a certain age where you get to where you should be able to do whatever you want.

[Knox]

Really.

[Stacy]

Is she really a threat to the.

[Jeff]

City of Atlanta 12 times in the past 20 years?

Yeah. But serious about. That's some knitting needles from Michael.

[Burt]

I know some are going to say the law is the law. I really do believe, like, when you're 75, just do what you want enough.

[Jeff]

As taxpayers to be Jen. And provide for the people in jails. Do we actually have to provide for granny now?

If it happens old people don't eat much, number one. Number two, if it happened once, I'm right there with you. But every other year for the past 20 years and she's been arrested in.

[Stacy]

Her 50s, then she should go to his house.

[Jeff]

She was arrested in her 50s and her 60s. And finally the judge has said, all right, 12 convictions in the past two decades. You've got a problem, lady. Going to jail and stay out of the yarn shop.

[Burt]

So somebody we're fantasizing it's her grandkid had to go to jail and bail grandma out of jail. So one of those 12 times the grandkids for sure.

[Stacy]

Right.

[Burt]

If you've ever had to bail your grandpa or your grandmom.

[Jeff]

Oh, no.

[Burt]

Out of jail. 404-741-1005. That was Lynn who had to bail her grandpa out of jail for buying drugs.

[Knox]

Oh.

[Jeff]

Oh, come on.

[Burt]

But her phone went out. Morning. Q100.

[Knox]

Steve.

[Burt]

Yes.

[Steve]

Yeah. You know that grandma that got busted for stealing the yarn?

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Burt]

Yes.

[Steve]

That yarn totaled in the thousands of dollars. If I remember that right, I still think it's okay.

[Jeff]

So what is she doing, like smuggling it out under her pantis like two rolls at a time.

[Steve]

I remember them panning her room when they busted her.

[Jeff]

Huh.

[Steve]

On the news. And I mean, it was piled. Piled high. And some of that yarn was worth hundreds and thousands of dollars.

[Jeff]

Seriously rare, whatever that is.

Okay, like, I.

If you're gonna steal yarn, go for the top end stuff.

Like I get all of the different things you were reading off that she was charged for. Except the going to jail part. It's like, okay, ban granny from this yarn shop.

[Burt]

What he's saying if it's a hundred thousand dollars worth of yarn.

[Jeff]

But why is fines and everything else. But I mean, Granny behind bars. What Are you in for Granny?

[Burt]

I mean, come on. I think they should be able to rob banks. I think they should be able to do anything they want after 75 years. Anything you want. Steal a plane.

[Jeff]

I think Melissa tried to loan us that DVD once. Granny behind bars, didn't you?

Oh, dude.

[Stacy]

But I am wondering about Granny's girlfriend in the house.

[Jeff]

In the big house?

[Stacy]

Yeah, in the big house. And if she's gonna be able to, you know, what is it. What is it called? A shank.

[Steve]

She can't.

[Stacy]

If she's gonna be able to shave off something and have a shank underneath her mattress, you think she'll put up.

[Burt]

She's gonna have a big. Like a big old poster. Regis Philbin in her jail cell. And slowly she'll be chipping away at it.

[Jeff]

I'm gonna have to take the bottom bunk on account of my bad knees. I can't get up on the top bunk on account of my.

Oh, how's she gonna get her Metamucil in there?

Can you. Can you carve this knife out of soap for me? My just has my knuckles all swollen.

[Burt]

You can trade for anything in there. If you can get cigarettes, you can get Fiber Con.

[Jeff]

Get it?

[Burt]

The Bird Show.

[Jeff]

The holidays are coming and I've got a Boost Mobile gift just for you. A. For me, Anna? Yes, Anna, you deserve a gift. The Boost Mobile unlimited plan is just $10 a month for the first two months, then $25 a month forever with.

[Stacy]

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[Jeff]

Thanks, Anna. Anytime, Anna.

[Burt]

The holidays are here and the best gift is for you. Offer valid@boost mobile.com after your first two.

[Knox]

Months, you'll pay $25 a month unless.

[Burt]

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[Knox]

Hi, this is Knox from the podcast with Knox and Jamie. And maybe like us at the podcast, you also know people who have been smokers or vapers And Zyn is the one product it seems like everyone is talking about because there are many good reasons to make a change to Zen nicotine pouches. Reasons like Zen nicotine pouches are still America's number one choice for smoke free hands free nicotine satisfaction. And you can choose between 10 varieties. Each variety available in either 3 or 6 milligrams. Check out zen.com find to find Zen at a store near you. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[Burt]

Jeff says he has brought me a gift today. I know one that will alleviate some of the stress in my life and I can't wait to hear this.

[Jeff]

Imagine Bert. I'm sure you've seen him, you know, either in his when he was doing the shirtless thing on the website or just picture been out to one of his appearances. But imagine Burt moving through life with boulders on his back, weighed down by the pressures of everyday life.

[Burt]

That's how I feel every day.

[Jeff]

And he just moves slowly, almost as if he was Jesus carrying a cross through the streets.

[Burt]

I don't know that I'd make that analogy there.

[Jeff]

Yeah, I mean, wasn't he raised a Jew? I guess so is Jesus Jesus?

[Stacy]

Yeah, so is Jesus.

[Burt]

He's on my team.

[Jeff]

So Bert is moving through the streets with these burdens on his back and I look for ways to just lift part of this weight off.

[Burt]

You don't think that you're part of that weight?

[Stacy]

You don't think you're more of a Judas type?

[Jeff]

Are we, Are we earlier this week or no, last week, Late last week, Bert told us that he and Stacy have been having conversations about replacing their bulldog, Kahuna, who passed away with a new bulldog. And they're gonna get this new bulldog as a puppy. And because they have a four year old, they are going to give the four year old Hayden the opportunity to name the puppy.

[Stacy]

And I think that's smart because the whole idea also behind us, I mean this is going to be an important dog to Hayden, his first dog. He's going to grow up with this dog. So this is going to be a very important animal in his life.

[Jeff]

Tell us about the mental warfare taking place in the Weiss household of Sandy Springs right now.

[Burt]

Well, months and months and months ago when Stacy and I were thinking about bringing a puppy in just to kind of like make Kahuna, who was eight at the time, which is really, that's like, that's old. In bulldog years, they don't live very long. We're gonna bring a puppy in the House. And you know the old cliche you bring a puppy in the house to make the older dog feel young again? So we started thinking about that, and for whatever reason, I just love the name dude for our new bulldog. I just thought it's funny. It's kind of an affectionate name that Stacy and I call each other all the time. I mean, I'm originally from Southern California. It's almost like the period in between every sentence that I ever say. So naming our English bulldog Dude to me was funny, and it was just like it's in my head. I want an English bulldog named Dude. So since we are going to give the naming rights to Hayden, what I have decided to do is when we go to sleep at night, we exchange stories. I make up one, and then Hayden makes up one, and then he goes to sleep. So the soap opera now in my storybook that I'm putting together for Hayden is a legend of dude, the bulldog who, just to give you guys just very quick synopsis, was born into a very regal line of English Bulldogs like Ugga8.

[Jeff]

But now he's Dude.

[Burt]

I mean, yeah, I mean, privileged. Privileged bulldogs. They were all met a spur. A specific criteria. They were all beautiful. They were show dogs. And dude is the one in the entire line that just came out all jacked up. He's got a very special personality. There's something special about him that I haven't written yet, but there is something special about him. He just looks different, acts different, doesn't have that regal attitude. He's just kind of like, you know, the ugly dog of the litter. And that's where the legend of dude the bulldog has started. So my feeling is, if I tell him this story every night as the legend grows, when we bring a puppy in the house, he will think, oh, my God, how cool is this? I will name our puppy Dude. It will be his idea. So there's a little bit of a psychological thing going on. Brilliant idea. Brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

[Jeff]

So what I thought is, I watched Burt struggle through the streets with these burdens on his back. Knowing that dude the bulldog is one of these burdens. I was thinking to myself, how could I alleviate some pressure from Burton?

[Stacy]

Because that's what you normally do.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Burt]

That's what Jeff does. So I took out my pressure.

[Jeff]

I took out my notebook and my guitar. Oh.

Oh, my.

Knowing that the Wiggles are musical, right? Hayden loves the Wiggles.

[Stacy]

Yes.

[Jeff]

Remember, conjunction. Junction.

[Burt]

Junction. What's your function? You're trying to get to kids words and phrases.

[Jeff]

You put it to music.

[Burt]

Oh, of course. It's a great idea for kids.

[Jeff]

I mean, I can't sing.

[Burt]

Probably the best educational tool you could put together. Sure, yeah.

[Jeff]

Can you actually play the guitar?

Well, I can. I mean, I can not well enough to sing to do. And I can't sing at all. But to put something together.

Okay. For Bert, noodle around a little bit.

Sure.

You know, pick it out.

So allow me, Bert, to lift one of these boulders off your back with the song dude, the bulldog for Hayden.

[Steve]

Hey, dude.

[Jeff]

My best friend is a dog named.

[Burt]

Dude he is short and funny and.

[Jeff]

Cute and every single day I really love to play with my best friend Dude. My best friend is a dog named Duke he gives me kisses on my hands and my little cheeks too and when I rub his belly he shakes my jelly that's my best friend dude When I go to bed at night dude is right there by my side When I wake up the next day, dude is ready to play hey, dude. My best friend is a dog named.

[Burt]

Dude A bulldog named dude that's awesome.

[Jeff]

Dude.

[Burt]

Seriously.

[Steve]

There you go.

[Burt]

That is really great. Put that together. That is really, really great.

[Jeff]

Now you gotta put that in the house. Put that in Hayden's head high rotation. There you go.

[Burt]

Totally. Now if I played that every time before I read another chapter out of the story. Now it's all coming together perfectly.

[Jeff]

There you go.

That was selfless and no strings attached.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Burt]

You fucked it all. There's something going on.

[Jeff]

There's nothing going on.

[Burt]

There's something going on.

[Jeff]

What happened?

What? I thought it would be a nice gift.

Were you in the car accident with Jessica?

[Burt]

In my head. That's great. That is. That's a huge present. Because every day I can play that for him. And again, the brainwashing continues.

[Jeff]

And it's catchy, right?

[Stacy]

Makes me want to rock back and forth like a kid, Right?

[Jeff]

And you kind of bop like this.

[Burt]

Yeah. Hey, Kristen. Good morning. You're on cue and under good morning.

[Steve]

It's not gonna work.

[Burt]

What do you mean it's not gonna work? Oh.

[Jeff]

What the hell is wrong with you?

[Burt]

You stop right there. You stop.

[Steve]

No, we. My daughter's favorite book was Boadicea and it was about a little gray kitten with purple eyes and just teeny, tiny little kitten. We found a kitten that had been abandoned that looked exactly like Bo. We read this book every night for a year. We loved this kitty and she wanted to name the cat Sabrina.

[Jeff]

Now, did you just read her the story and kind of half ass it or did you Write a song.

[Steve]

I was a teenage witch every day and it just came out of left field. I had no idea. I thought for sure this cat is going to be Boadicea. We did end up naming her Boadicea because it was too perfect. But no, she wanted to name her Sabrina.

[Burt]

I want to tell you that I had doubts that it would work until this morning because I'm not all that confident in my writing abilities. However, when you throw this into the mix now every night before I start the storytelling, this is a slam dunk now, man. I've got no question at all that this dog is going to be Dude.

[Stacy]

And based on what she just said, I think Hayden's short term memory is probably a lot like Burt's where it lasts very 30 second periods of time, you know, And I think that like for her, her daughter probably just watched Sabrina before she was asked, what do you want to name the cat instead of remembering about Boadicea. So the thing is that you have to somehow do all this right before you ask Kayden, what do you want to name the dog?

[Burt]

So you're saying like name the dog at night at the normal time that we do the song and we do the story.

[Stacy]

I'm thinking as a child, I'm just assuming as a little kid they're gonna go with what they just saw or something that's fresh in their memory.

[Jeff]

Or you put this on a CD and make sure you're playing it in the car when you guys go pick up the new puppy.

[Knox]

Beautiful.

[Burt]

I just want us all to note that it's taking four adults that are pretty educated. I'm smart of a four year old.

[Stacy]

My God, we're gonna get this kid.

[Burt]

Good morning, Steve. You're on Q100 in the Burt Show.

[Steve]

Hey guys, how's it going?

[Burt]

All right, how are you?

[Steve]

I'm doing all right. My daughter for the last five years now, when she was a baby, we would put her to sleep and my wife would play music, whether it's some kind of classical or you know. But then as she got older, she wanted to pick her songs out. But for the last two years, she's been listening to It's a Stinkin Small World. Every night before she goes to bed, she'll repeat one on the CD player. It's a small world over and over and over. So just throw it in the CD player and say, hey, why don't you go to sleep? To listening to the dude song.

[Burt]

Absolutely. So maybe and let it play into.

[Steve]

Her into his REM sleep.

[Jeff]

Didn't we all try that when we were in.

I'm 5 adults trying to outwit a 4 year old.

Am I the only one in college? Because I don't know. Have you guys ever recorded your textbooks into a tape recorder and then put the headphones on when you go to sleep?

[Burt]

I know a lot of. Of people did that.

[Jeff]

It didn't work.

It doesn't work. Frap. It puts me to sleep, though. I have a very monotonous voice. I don't know how I'm working in radio.

[Burt]

Suzanne, you're on Q100. Hey.

[Steve]

Wow, Jeff, you just blew it. That was an awesome, awesome song. Personality is like different in my brain. You know, you have this, you know, tough, mean guy and then comes this thing. It's so cute. I loved it.

[Burt]

This thing's gonna go in heavy rotation on Q100, like right after a fitty song. Right after fitty.

[Steve]

Put it in the. In the tank.

[Jeff]

So now let me ask you a question. If you, if you see a bulldog today, what would you name it?

[Steve]

Good.

[Burt]

Of course you would.

[Stacy]

Now I commend you. You know, you talk about how you don't play the guitar too well, but you did very well on the recorder in this song.

[Jeff]

And the pan flute kick Zamfir's ass.

[Burt]

Hey, Sean, you're on Q100 head.

[Steve]

My 18 year old daughter was listening to this Pom and completely rocking out. That's so gonna work.

[Burt]

It's so gonna work. Dude, you did a great job on that.

[Jeff]

No worries. Don't call me dude.

[Burt]

That's what I mean. So it has taken a whole community of people, adults, educated adults to manipulate the four year old.

[Stacy]

But you still gotta record when you ask him and see what his response is. Because I swear, if Hayden doesn't say dude, we're gonna get him.

[Burt]

I made that promise to Jeff that it will be a big night in our house when Hayden names the dog and I will record it. Whatever he comes up with. If it's not dude, everything we've tried didn't work, then that we'll have to live with it. But this is. Yeah, it's gonna work, man. Brilliant.

[Jeff]

And you can't do something like if he comes out and says that the, you know, that bulldog's name is like turd or something. Like, you can't say, all right, turdiest, dude Weiss. And then call it dude.

[Burt]

What he will name the child. The dog is what we will go with for sure, no matter what. But that puts us into a totally different level right now.

[Jeff]

Ask those guys to get a tmcd. Put it in the house. Put it in the car.

[Burt]

Already done.

[Jeff]

Get on the ipod.

[Burt]

Nicely done. Thank you. Much appreciation.

[Steve]

No worries.

[Jeff]

I love the kids. Anything for the kids.

[Burt]

You're on the Burt Show.

[Jeff]

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[Knox]

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[Burt]

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[Steve]

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[Jeff]

Can I make my site firmer?

[Burt]

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[Jeff]

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[Burt]

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