The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Tuesday, November 18 [Vault]

Date: November 18, 2025
Cast: Burt, Stacy, Jeff, Steve, Knox
Podcast Theme: Real, funny, and authentic conversations about life, family, and the occasional dose of listener drama and entertainment news.

Episode Overview

This episode blends signature Bert Show humor with family stories and relatable parenting challenges. The main focus is Burt’s quest to name his family's future English bulldog "Dude"—and the psychological games he’s playing with his young son to make that happen. The team also riffs on quirky news (like a grandma jailed for yarn theft), dives into the effectiveness (and ethics) of parental manipulation, and flexes their creative muscles with an original song. Listeners call in with their own naming and family stories, making it a fun, community-driven segment.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Great Puppy-Naming Scheme

[01:37–09:03, 19:01–30:56]

• Burt’s Dilemma:
  Burt wants to name the upcoming family bulldog “Dude,” a term of endearment in his household, but his wife, Stacy, says their 4-year-old son Hayden should have the honor (01:58–03:37).

  • Quote: “I want to keep that in the family. I really want to name our dog Dude. ... It’s kind of how I had my mind set on it.” —Burt ([02:41])

• Planting the Seeds:
  Burt uses nightly storytelling, weaving elaborate and heroic tales about “Dude the Bulldog” to subconsciously influence Hayden’s future puppy-naming decision (04:17–05:21).

  • Quote: “He flies. He swims. He’s bigger than life, Dude the Bulldog.” —Burt ([05:01])
  • Jeff’s warning: “Letting the four-year-old do that can go horribly wrong.” ([08:16])

• Parental ‘Psychology’:
  The team debates whether this is manipulation or creative parenting (“mental engineering”), sharing anecdotes about kids giving pets odd names, and considering alternative naming strategies (such as a family name-draw) ([07:04–08:14]).

• Flexibility if the Plan Fails:
  Burt insists he will accept whatever name Hayden picks—even if it’s “Lucy”—but is pretty sure his scheme will succeed.

  • Quote: “I am so confident in this plan that that won’t happen.” —Burt ([06:11])
  • “Am I prepared to be flexible in this area? Yes.” ([06:36])
  • “But I’m going to make sure that doesn’t happen. ... I’m going to start making posters of what Dude the Bulldog looks like.” ([06:39])

• Listener Stories:

  • Listeners share similar experiences, including misunderstandings over pet names (“Thunder ... No, no, no, Thunder”) ([08:16–08:42]).
  • Kristen calls in to caution that sometimes kids still pick something unexpected, despite parents’ efforts ([25:39–26:33]).

2. Musical Brainwashing: “Dude the Bulldog” Song

[19:01–30:08]

• Jeff’s Gift:
  To help Burt secure the desired name, Jeff writes and performs a catchy original song, “Dude the Bulldog,” designed to reinforce the name through repetition and melody ([23:40–24:46]).

  • Song excerpt:
    “My best friend is a dog named Dude,
    he is short and funny and cute ...” —Jeff ([23:54–24:42])
  • Burt’s delight: “That is really great ... the brainwashing continues.” ([24:48], [25:19])

• Community Collaboration:
  The cast analyzes the ‘effectiveness’ of such efforts, poking fun at how many adults it takes to outsmart a four-year-old.

  • Quote: “It’s taking four adults that are pretty educated. ... I’m smart of a four-year-old.” —Burt ([27:33])
  • The team considers playing the song on repeat, even during Hayden’s REM sleep, drawing parallels with college “sleep learning” tricks ([28:24–28:46]).

• Final Pledge:
  Burt promises to record Hayden’s final decision as proof, regardless of the outcome:

  • Quote: “I will record it. Whatever he comes up with. If it’s not Dude, everything we’ve tried didn’t work, then that we’ll have to live with it.” —Burt ([30:08])

3. Grandma, Yarn, and Jailable Offenses

[10:05–16:53]

• Funny Crime Beat:
  Shifting gears, the team discusses a local story about a 70-year-old grandma repeatedly jailed for stealing yarn and knitting needles.

  • Quote: “She has been convicted a dozen times in the past 20 years mainly for stealing yarn.” —Jeff ([12:05])
  • The cast debates whether prison is appropriate for elderly repeat offenders, infusing the conversation with typical Bert Show irreverence (“If you’re 75, just do what you want—steal a plane, rob a bank!”) ([14:00–16:15]).

• Listener Call-ins:
  One caller recounts bailing a grandparent out of jail for drug possession ([15:01]).

4. Parenting, Memory, and Manipulation

[25:39–27:15]

• Listener Perspective:
  A listener shares an experience where her child chose a completely unrelated name for a pet, regardless of months of themed storytelling—a cautionary tale about the unpredictability of kids ([25:39–26:33]).

  • Quote: “We read this book every night for a year. We loved this kitty and she wanted to name the cat Sabrina.” —Kristen ([26:12])

• Strategizing for Success:
  The team jokes about perfectly timing the suggestion of “Dude” to coincide with naming, emphasizing the need for last-minute influence ([27:15–27:32]).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Mental engineering. That’s what you are.” —Stacy ([08:13])
• “I know some are going to say the law is the law. I really do believe, like, when you’re 75, just do what you want enough.” —Burt ([14:00])
• “He will name the dog whatever he comes up with. If it’s not dude, everything we’ve tried didn’t work, then that we’ll have to live with it.” —Burt ([30:08])
• “If you see a bulldog today, what would you name it?” “Dude!” ([29:16–29:25])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Manipulating a 4-year-old to name the family dog “Dude”: [01:37–09:03], [19:01–30:56]
• Listener & family pet naming stories: [08:16–09:03], [25:39–27:32]
• Jeff’s “Dude the Bulldog” song (performance): [23:40–24:46]
• Grandma and the great yarn heist: [10:05–16:53]
• Debating minimum age for “crime immunity”: [14:00–16:15]
• Post-song strategies and wrap-up: [27:15–30:56]

Tone & Style Notes

The episode is playful, conspiratorial, and peppered with quick-witted banter. The cast uses everyday family dilemmas to both amuse and connect with listeners, never shying away from a little self-deprecating humor (“It’s taking four adults that are pretty educated ... to outsmart a four-year-old”). Listeners are openly invited into the conversation, reinforcing the show’s community vibe.

Conclusion

Through laughter-filled debates on parenting “psychology,” creative problem-solving, and their own humorous takes on real-life events, The Bert Show delivers an entertaining, engaging morning experience—complete with a genuine, crowd-involving mystery: will Hayden end up naming the dog “Dude,” or will preschool logic prevail?

For those who missed it: You’ll walk away with ideas for family negotiation, a catchy new pet-naming anthem, and plenty of laughs about the challenges of both parenting and growing old.