Full Show PT 3: Wednesday, December 10 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)

Full Show PT 3: Wednesday, December 10 [Vault]

Original Air Date: December 10, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show serves up a blend of signature morning show mischief, spirited group games, personal confessions, and a deep-dive into a dramatic relationship dilemma submitted by a listener, all delivered in the cast’s trademark real, unfiltered, and humorous style. The cast—Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and more—deliver both laughs and candid personal insights, creating a relatable, entertaining, and occasionally heartwarming escape for listeners.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. "The Bra Unhooking Showdown"

[01:36 – 13:32]

• Inspired by classic '80s movies, Jen pitches a playfully awkward contest: who among the show's men can unhook a bra the fastest, replicating the legendary pressures of youthful dating.

  • Teams are divided: Crash & Melissa, Jen & Jeff, with Mandy as the real sport, volunteering her back-clasp bra for the challenge.
  • The contest is filled with comedic banter, nostalgia, pokes at masculinity, and self-deprecation.

  Memorable Quotes:

  • “Like, is there any more pressure for a guy than unhooking a bra?” — Jen [03:52]
  • “I feel like I’m in seventh grade.” — Burt [05:46]
  • “I finally get to go up Melissa’s shirt. I’m not getting out fast.” — Jeff [06:01]
  • “It’s so awkward. I wasn’t even close.” — Melissa [10:30]

• Results:

  • Jeff demonstrates impressive skill, drawing both congratulations and friendly jabs.
  • Listeners and hosts swap stories and tips, blending education with embarrassment.

  Listener Tip:

  • On how to unhook a bra smoothly: “Take your index finger, pop it under the strap, then middle finger and thumb… and it pops right open.” — Listener Jeremiah [12:45]

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2. "Let’s Be Honest"—Anonymous Question Pot

[16:06 – 28:42]

• The cast pulls anonymous, squirm-inducing questions from a "Let’s Be Honest" pot, promising unflinching honesty with their answers.

Highlights:

• If you could have lost your virginity to anyone you’ve since met, who would it be?
  Jen: “Jessica Simpson.” [17:14]

• Running Mate for President?
  Burt, evaluating his castmates’ skeletons and personalities, humorously weighs his options before choosing Jen Hobby:
  “I’d go with Jen Hobby as my Vice President. As soon as they dig up my past, you’re screwed!” [19:10]

• If you had to sleep with another cast member’s significant other, who?
  Crash jokes: “Ryan. I’ve always wanted to do a rock star,” but Jeff quickly chimes in with, “Stacy. She’s just ultra cute and sexy.” [20:13–20:28]

• Relationship Reflection:
  Questioned about past breakups, Crash admits the end of his relationship was “my fault,” citing how a near-death illness changed his life’s perspective and needs.
  “I would put the blame on me, because I’m the one that initiated the change in momentum in our relationship.” [23:27]

• Private Behavior Confession:
  When asked what private act she’d never do in front of the group, Jen admits:
  “I can sit in the mirror for hours and analyze and reanalyze my eyebrows and every little hair on my face… I have, like, man hairs that come up on my face. So I’m always checking.” [26:51]
  The cast riffs on “face pubes” and “nipple snakes,” ending the segment on a hilarious, self-deprecating note.

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3. Listener Drama: The Super Bowl Ticket Ultimatum

[31:08 – 49:10]

Setup:

Listener Sarah’s coworker calls in about Sarah’s controversial plan to withhold her husband’s Super Bowl ticket in protest of his chronic failure to complete household projects.

The Situation:

• Sarah details a year and a half of marriage where her husband starts house projects (fixing a tile, cleaning, dishes) but never finishes them.

  • “He starts things and doesn’t finish them…he’ll put his dishes by the sink and just doesn’t wash them.” — Sarah [32:51]

• She sees withholding the ticket as a means to “teach him a lesson.”

  • “I’m just gonna give back to him exactly what he gives to me right now.” [35:57]

Feedback From Cast & Listeners:

• The cast is incredulous—Melissa warns, “You are gonna lose a great guy.” [34:30]

• Callers offer strong opinions:

  • Annette (long-married): “This is gonna stink in your marriage forever if you do this over projects.” [35:44]
  • Angela: “Matt is not your child. He is your husband.” [36:06]

• Sarah remains unmoved, supported only by her single/married girlfriends and argues, “It’s my relationship… I know better than anyone else how to work it.” [38:42]

The Twist:

• The cast reads an email from Sarah’s brother Kyle, revealing he found her hidden ticket, FedExed it to her husband, and her husband got to attend the game after all.

  • “Long story short…he got the ticket and went to the game.” — Kyle (email) [44:52]

• Sarah’s shock, denial, and fury at the (well-intentioned) family intervention is palpable:

  • “I’m so angry right now…to step into my personal space, into my house, without my knowing it. I’m beside myself.” — Sarah [46:33]

Aftermath:

• Callers reflect and poke fun:
  • “Sad Sack Sarah. That’s what we’re gonna call her.” — Shara [49:03]
  • “She better hold on to her man.” — Shara [49:03]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Instant Nostalgia and Group Chemistry:
  “This is like a surreal moment on the Bert Show. This is weird. This is worse than the football kissing game.” — Burt [07:03]

• On Growing from Trauma:
  “After surgery…I was the only one who had that perspective of facing death and then coming out. At least it didn’t have that.” — Crash [23:29]

• On Relationship Overreach:
  “It’s not a business. Honey, you don’t run a marriage, that’s just like the wrong way to look at it. Your marriage is a partnership.” — Burt to Sarah [46:40]

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Section Timestamps

| Segment | Start | End | |------------------------------|----------|----------| | Bra Unhooking Challenge | 01:36 | 13:32 | | "Let's Be Honest" Q&A | 16:06 | 28:42 | | Listener/Caller Drama | 31:08 | 49:10 |

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Takeaways

• The Bert Show delivers big on authentic, raucous group dynamics and a willingness to go embarrassingly personal in the name of entertainment.
• The “bra off” bit, and the honest Q&A, showcase the cast’s comfort with each other and their knack for spinning relatable, awkward experiences into collectively funny moments.
• The listener drama strikes a more serious, sometimes contentious note—casting light on control issues, communication pitfalls, and boundaries in marriage, all while keeping the audience engaged with twists and real talk.
• Throughout, the episode lives up to its promise: blending genuine humor, listener interaction, and real-life messiness, delivered with warmth and wit.

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Best for listeners who love:

• Real-life drama and open conversations
• Humor that’s a little awkward but always honest
• A vibrant group dynamic that invites you to laugh—and squirm—along

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Transcript

[Announcer]

Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line.

[Burt]

But first.

[Announcer]

There, the last one.

Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

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[Crash]

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[Jeff]

The Bird show.

[Jen]

We were talking, you know, just a minute ago about the van, you know, going back to. What's that? Probably elementary school and even a little middle school. And I was watching on TV some one of those like 80s, you know, fast times at Ridgemont High. Movies or whatever, classics. Tracy, you can go stand your.

[Melissa]

Burt.

[Crash]

Oh, we have places.

[Burt]

So I thought exits places.

[Melissa]

People exit stage left even.

[Jen]

I thought of a contest, you know, kind of like a bet that we could do. And I'll need Crash and Melissa to share a microphone and then Jen, if you could come over here.

[Crash]

Okay.

[Jen]

Because this is a team.

[Melissa]

Oh, no, this is.

[Jeff]

We have to share a microphone. Or can I just.

[Melissa]

Close to Melissa. This is Jeff's party pocket bit.

[Burt]

Hey, I hope that this has nothing to do with naming as many people as you can think of from high school because I graduated with 19 show Hans.

[Jen]

Yeah, we're good.

[Crash]

All right, Crash. Hands on the table, hun.

[Jen]

Hands on the table. Oh, for the guys. Women, you can do whatever you want.

[Jeff]

With this hand to touch me where I peek.

[Jen]

Now here's.

[Caller/Listener]

No, he didn't oh my.

[Crash]

God, you are that uncle.

[Melissa]

What is the matter?

[Crash]

You are the uncle that kids are scared to go see.

[Melissa]

What's the matter with you?

[Jen]

Melissa, do you want filterana and say.

[Crash]

I was about to say no, I can handle.

[Burt]

Crash. I can handle.

[Jeff]

I'm sorry.

[Jen]

So I'm watching this 80s movie and I know that, guys, this is going to be relatable to all of us, to Jen and Melissa and Tracy. Just so that you know, listeners know, Burt is partnered with our producer, Tracy. Crash and Melissa are on one team, and then Jen and I are on another team.

[Melissa]

Okay, is this going to be a competition? Because if so, I feel sad for you because Jen is as competitive as it gets and Carter over here also.

[Jen]

It's a competition. And I think it's more. I mean, it's more for bragging rights. Like the guys are going to be the ones to leave with the bragging rights. But the girls are on our team.

[Crash]

I'm afraid of them.

[Jen]

Well, let me explain it. Like, you guys always knew the amount of pressure that would come when you were out on a date and you were kind of fooling around and it came time to unhook the bra.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh boy.

[Jen]

Right?

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Jen]

Like, is there any more pressure for a guy than unhooking a bra?

[Melissa]

I just now got all sorts of anxiety.

[Crash]

I am so glad.

[Burt]

I am so glad the Crash is on my team.

[Melissa]

Woo.

[Jeff]

Hey, just Jeff, her bra's already off.

[Jen]

Crash has her bra in his pocket.

[Jeff]

I hear the Clint Eastwood music already.

[Burt]

No, it's cause Melissa burned hers years ago.

[Melissa]

Shouldn't there be like a horse race almost where you and I should be handicapped? Cause is obviously the fight.

[Jen]

I envision Crash doing something like this.

[Jeff]

And it's off.

[Jen]

Bam. Right through the cherry.

[Crash]

Office mates and Crash have been trying to get my bra off for years, so he's gonna be speedy on this.

[Jen]

Am I safe to assume that all women here have a bra that clasped in the back this morning?

[Burt]

Yes.

[Melissa]

Oh, no.

[Burt]

Uh, oh.

[Melissa]

You don't have a bra at all in the front.

Winner.

[Jen]

Well, guess what? The new intern's getting broken in. Oh, hers is in the front too.

[Crash]

Hers is in the front too.

[Jeff]

Well, let's get Leslie Fram.

[Melissa]

I'm not going.

[Jen]

Yeah, we need somebody in the building with a back clasping bra. Unless.

[Crash]

Mandy.

[Melissa]

How about Phil?

[Burt]

Wait, Intern Mandy might have one.

[Jen]

Mandy.

[Jeff]

She's got one here.

[Burt]

She's got one. Here she comes.

[Melissa]

Oh, this would be fun.

[Jen]

Mandy, you're on Birch team. Sorry.

[Jeff]

Oh, that's a hell of a Switch between Tracy and.

[Jen]

Wow.

[Crash]

Jeff has come up with. This is a race to unhook our bras.

[Melissa]

Yeah. You're stunned by this.

[Jen]

Yeah. So I think what we'll do is we'll. We'll do a countdown and then we will all attempt to unhook the res.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Two hands. What do you guys want to do?

[Crash]

I think it should be a one handed.

[Melissa]

One handed thing because when you were making out back in the day.

[Burt]

Okay, now do we have to be facing you guys or our best?

[Jeff]

How are we doing this?

[Jen]

No, I think we think.

[Melissa]

Right, so then, I mean, it should be as authentic as possible.

[Crash]

Yeah. Jeff, it's your game. How'd you.

[Jeff]

Well, if it's all fishing this.

[Burt]

I feel like I'm in seventh grade.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm getting sweaty palms.

[Crash]

And I'm sitting here going, how do I tell him I'm gay? How do I tell him I'm gay?

[Jeff]

There is absolutely no reason that I'm not gonna be here till Jeff Miles comes on. I'm taking my time.

I finally get to go up Melissa's shirt. I'm not getting out fast.

[Jen]

So are we all in agreement that Crash probably will win this?

[Melissa]

Oh, yeah, he'd be that hands on favorite.

[Jen]

I don't know.

[Melissa]

Oh, yeah, for sure. I haven't had to do this in a long time.

[Jeff]

Well, you don't understand.

[Melissa]

You probably did this just two weeks ago.

[Jeff]

My Neanderthal brain knows not for.

Gunga wants sex. No, brah.

[Melissa]

We both have children. You understand this is just all about business, right? And I know the sexual tension that's been going on between you and I at this point. Let's try to put that aside.

[Jen]

Okay, so this is now. Here are people.

[Burt]

Oh, wait, where's Phil?

And Phil wants to be in on this.

[Melissa]

He doesn't have anybody's.

[Jen]

He doesn't wear a bra. Jen, those stand up like that on their own.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

That'S.

[Crash]

Me and Jeff should be talking.

[Jen]

All right, so are we all. If we're gonna put money in, are we betting on Crash?

[Melissa]

Oh, I would bet on Crash.

[Jeff]

I wouldn't. I'm telling you.

[Crash]

This is so bizarre.

[Caller/Listener]

Do we face.

[Burt]

This is like a surreal moment on the Bird show. This is weird. This is worse than the football kissing game.

[Melissa]

You make the rules. I don't care.

[Crash]

This is weird.

[Jen]

I think we just. I think. I think we get in position so, like, Jen would stand right in front of me.

[Melissa]

See, I don't think this is a real fair competition. And I. I'm. I hope I'm not being insensitive.

[Jen]

I mean, if you wanted to do it really fair, we technically should be in the backseat of my 1986 Mercury MAR help.

[Melissa]

Fecal finder. I'm just saying that there are some bras. Women with smaller breasts have less clasps than women with larger breasts. Correct?

[Jeff]

That's right. You could be here all day with hers.

[Melissa]

And Mandy here. Yeah, she's got huge boobs. So this. I've got. I've got more obstacles to go around than y' all do.

[Jen]

It's the luck of the draw.

[Burt]

I mean, Jeff, you really have very few obstacles.

[Jeff]

All Jeff has to do is sneeze, and Jen's gonna come off.

[Melissa]

How do you get off a training bra?

[Crash]

Now, that's insens.

[Burt]

It's like a sports bra. You have to take it over my head.

[Jeff]

You gotta get over the romper room tag first.

[Melissa]

My little bra.

[Burt]

It's not even an A. It's almost an A.

[Caller/Listener]

Is the size.

[Melissa]

Come on.

[Burt]

No, it's not really.

[Jeff]

It's like teaspoons with material on them.

[Crash]

But I'm sure she. Yeah, whatever. Go ahead.

[Melissa]

All right.

[Jen]

Hey, Melissa, when's the last time a man removed your bra?

[Crash]

Yeah, I can't remember.

[Jen]

So if ever. Here's what we'll do is we'll do a countdown, and then it'll be on your market set, go. And then we. I'll do. It'll be 1, 2, 3, go. We all go on. Go.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Jen]

And then it's.

[Crash]

Wait, we raise our hands.

[Burt]

Phil has to officiate. Phil, you gotta be the referee.

[Crash]

I'm not lifting my shirt to show anybody anything. I think that we can just go.

[Jen]

By the way, raise our hand.

[Crash]

But we feel that the bra has been on class.

[Jeff]

How about when the bra is off, we pull it out from the shirt and swing it around.

[Burt]

I can't believe we're doing this.

[Crash]

I can't even.

[Melissa]

I can't believe you guys didn't even fight. You got instantly got up, came right over to us. Jeff said what the rules were, and you guys were like, all right.

[Crash]

Based on the vibe of the room and the past conversations, if we said anything against this.

[Burt]

Ah, you're a bit killer, you women.

[Caller/Listener]

You get fatty bitty bit.

[Jen]

So here's the deal.

[Melissa]

We do it the way we do it. Wouldn't he?

[Jen]

We do it.

[Crash]

Oh, God.

[Jen]

We do an anti woman bit, and then it's one man gets to have sex with Melissa, and she'll do it. Just to not be a bit killer.

[Crash]

Right?

[Jen]

All right, we ready you ready to do this?

[Melissa]

You can't have your hands like that. I can't get.

[Jeff]

I gotta go up your shirt there, hot stuff.

[Jen]

So I'm.

[Burt]

This is his idea.

[Announcer]

You were the only man in.

[Jen]

Ryan's asleep. Right.

[Announcer]

Who has touched my bra besides my husband.

[Melissa]

Well, you're the only woman in 10 years that. That I. Yeah. You know.

[Jen]

So I'm gonna do 1, 2, 3, go, and then we all. So it'll be 1, 2, 3.

[Burt]

This is really awkward.

[Jeff]

Melissa's already got her hand on my shoulder.

[Melissa]

She's like, take me, big boy.

[Crash]

I'm competitive. We're gonna win this thing.

[Jeff]

Now we're using two hands. As many as we want, right?

[Melissa]

Just one hand.

[Jeff]

Oh, it's one hand.

[Jen]

Okay, one hand standing.

[Jeff]

Does it matter that I have a boo Boo on my finger?

[Jen]

I'm going right. You're going like that. Okay.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

All right.

[Burt]

You ready?

[Melissa]

I'm going on this way.

[Burt]

Oh, I'm really nervous about this.

[Jen]

Okay, you ready?

[Melissa]

Yep.

[Jen]

Is anybody else feeling the seventh grade tension or ninth. Tenth grade tension?

[Melissa]

Totally.

[Jen]

We're like, okay, ready? We sure already?

[Jeff]

Yeah. I'm taking my time.

[Jen]

Hey, Mandy, was this in the intern description?

[Melissa]

If it wasn't, write it in.

[Crash]

Okay, go.

[Melissa]

All right, ready?

[Jen]

One, two, three, go.

[Jeff]

I don't want to, like.

[Jen]

I can't.

[Burt]

Jeff's done.

[Jen]

Jeff's done.

[Jeff]

I couldn't get you.

[Caller/Listener]

Damn it.

[Melissa]

Oh, I can't tell you how awkward that was. I couldn't get anywhere near it. I wasn't even close. I got one.

[Jeff]

I got one. I got one.

[Melissa]

I didn't even get one.

[Jeff]

I got one. Damn.

[Jen]

Oh, I can't high five Jen. Cause she's getting dressed.

[Crash]

Jeff, let me just ask a question.

[Burt]

He was actually really good at it, you guys.

[Melissa]

Yeah, I didn't even get one. Unclassed.

[Crash]

What was the motivate? Why? What sparked? I'm just curious how you came up with this contest.

[Jen]

I was watching some stupid, you know, movie that was running, like, in one of those marathon things on cable. And one of the scenes in the movie was a guy just trying to unhook the girl's bra. And it was just very funny because he kept doing it and kept doing it. And I'm like, oh, my God. I remember I used to be pretty good at that.

[Melissa]

No, I'll tell you what this is all about. This is Jeff getting, like, the sexual harassment handbook two weeks ago and trying to figure out how to get around it.

[Jen]

How can I still touch boob and.

[Jeff]

Say it's a bit well, you know what? You know what they say the old urban legend, myth or whatever is when you have a bra that's just your basic two clasper, you take your thumb and your finger and you put them in between. You snap your fingers, and that moves them both at the same time. That's exactly the technique I did to Melissa, but the tag got in the way. But basically, that's what you do.

[Melissa]

I never could get it. I never could get it wrong. I was always stumbling and bumbling and finally had to use both hands.

[Jeff]

Yeah, you just kind of give it the old side to side.

[Melissa]

Then there's that awkward moment where you realize you can't get it done, and she realizes you can't get it done, and then she starts to take it off for it.

[Crash]

That totally reminds me one movie that came to mind, like the Animal House, when he was like. Remember when he was just pulling and tugging and he tried to cut it with the scissors?

[Jen]

Yeah. I'll tell you what. Is there anything worse? And you know what? I shouldn't have asked the question, but is there anything worse than you going for the back and having to be a front? And you find you're searching, you're rubbing the back, you're looking for the clasp, and then the girl, it's in the front.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Crash]

And of course, she has to wait to tell you because she always loves for the guy to have to do a little searching and sweat a little bit.

[Melissa]

Good morning. All the hits. Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, Bert, how's it going? This is Jeremiah.

[Melissa]

Hey, Jeremiah.

[Caller/Listener]

I wanted to give you a lesson on how to unhook a bra from the back.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

Is there. Pick somebody, I guess, and get in front of them.

[Burt]

Oh, I was gonna coach. You know what? Step by step.

[Jeff]

Here we go again.

[Burt]

Go ahead. Enter Mandy.

[Crash]

Oh, my God.

[Melissa]

Okay, you ready? Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay, take your left hand and put it around her back and stick your index finger between the bra strap and her back, right underneath where it. Right behind where it clips.

[Melissa]

Got it.

[Jeff]

I'm there.

[Caller/Listener]

Take your middle finger and your thumb and squeeze around your index finger to kind of make a little bow in the bra where the clasp is. Yep.

[Melissa]

Not working.

[Caller/Listener]

And then you take your finger out and it. And it. You know, it's like a little bit of slack, and it just pops it right open.

[Crash]

I see what you're saying.

[Melissa]

See what you got.

[Crash]

Now?

[Jeff]

Do you have. Now maybe you have the one or two clasps? Where do you have, like, the four Shotter?

[Melissa]

That's just two.

[Jen]

Just two?

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jen]

What was yours? Carter, one or two?

[Crash]

Two minus two.

[Burt]

But Jeff did snap. Snap.

[Melissa]

Very nicely done.

[Burt]

Very well.

[Jeff]

Very good, Jeff.

[Jen]

Okay everybody, let's rotate.

[Jeff]

The bird show.

[Sarah]

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[Announcer]

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[Sarah]

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[Announcer]

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[Crash]

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[Announcer]

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[Sarah]

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[Announcer]

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[Sarah]

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[Announcer]

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[Jen]

Cause there's always something new.

[Caller/Listener]

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[Burt]

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[Announcer]

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[Melissa]

Hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a.

[Burt]

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[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

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[Melissa]

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[Caller/Listener]

To be clear, that's half price, not half the service.

[Melissa]

Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

So that means a half day. Yeah.

[Melissa]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

[Crash]

Of 45 for 3 month plan equivalent.

[Announcer]

To 15 per month. Required new customer offer for first 3 months only. Speed Flow Hacker 35 gigabytes of network busy. Taxes and fees extra. Cmnobile.com.

[Melissa]

For those of you that don't know, let's be honest is we all come in here with questions for each other, but they're anonymous and they're pretty. I mean, they're. They're questions that are basically designed to make you squirm. Alright, so Jeff has a whole pot full of questions.

[Crash]

It's a terracotta pot.

[Burt]

With Q100 painted on it.

[Crash]

How impressive.

[Jen]

This is our official let's be honest pot.

[Melissa]

And we've all agreed that we will answer these questions honestly. And the last time we did this, it got really ugly because the questions were really hard and they made you squirm and they hurt people around us. So we swore it off and then decided to bring the one I pulled.

[Jen]

I'm gonna set aside because we have to get Crash. It was for Crash.

[Crash]

Okay.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Jen]

But the one that fell out while I was pulling it was for Melissa.

[Melissa]

I'm a little nervous about these. I gotta be honest with you. I'm. This. I'm this close to peeing.

[Jen]

This one's. This one's for me. So I'll let Jen ask. Okay.

[Burt]

Are you ready?

[Jen]

I am ready.

[Burt]

It says.

If you could have lost your virginity to someone you have met since, who would it be and why?

[Melissa]

That's it.

[Crash]

Nothing's easy.

[Melissa]

Yeah, you got a softball there. That's cool.

[Jen]

Jessica Simpson.

[Burt]

Oh. Do celebrities count?

[Jen]

Does it say they don't?

[Melissa]

Oh, I think this was a question from the women trying to get you. Is this a. Trying to corner him into a. An answer that would get him in trouble with Jessica?

[Burt]

No.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Okay.

[Burt]

I don't think so. So you would have lost your virginity to Jessica Simpson?

[Jeff]

Why?

[Melissa]

Hello, Jessica Simpson. Yeah, hi.

[Burt]

Not because she was a virgin too?

[Caller/Listener]

No.

[Burt]

Oh, okay.

[Jen]

Because she looks like Jessica Simpson.

[Melissa]

Don't have to say anything more as far as I'm concerned.

[Jeff]

There you go.

[Crash]

Yeah. Note to Jeff. You should have said Jessica dollar.

[Melissa]

We need to get a bigger pot because Jeff's hand doesn't fit in there.

[Jen]

Okay, here's this. Crash's question.

[Melissa]

Bert. Yep.

[Jen]

Bring it.

It's an election year and you are running for president. Which member of the show do you choose as your running mate and why?

[Melissa]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Caller/Listener]

That is good.

[Jen]

That's a good question.

[Melissa]

Who would I choose as my running mate and why? Well, I can't have Melissa because 3/4 of the country wouldn't allow a gay vice president. So, Melissa, I love you, but I can't. I'm not that progressive yet, and I really want the presidency.

[Jen]

I'm gonna say you can't go with Jen because of the Howard Dean incident. I think she's prone to outbursts like that.

[Melissa]

I couldn't pick Crash because inevitably, you know, Crash has something in his past that would come out and be. That would ruin our candidacy.

[Crash]

Or he would be drunk at a debate.

[Melissa]

Or he'd be drunk at a debate.

[Jen]

Right, the debate buzz.

[Melissa]

Right. Jeff, I would be scared to have you as the vice president because I'd always feel like there was some kind of phone scam around the corner or some manipulation going on that was going to make me look like an ass on national television.

[Jen]

Hey, Samo bin lads on the phone. Psych.

[Melissa]

So I think I would have to go with Jen Hobby as. As the woman that could do the most politically correct of anybody and probably walk the line. I'd go with Jen Hobby then, I think, as my vice president. Yeah.

[Burt]

But as soon as they dig up my past, you're screwed.

[Melissa]

They go into your house and find 12 jackrabbits, you are screwed.

[Burt]

Dude, you should have just picked producer Tracy. Cause she's kind of the innocent one.

[Melissa]

See, it's the innocent ones you gotta watch out for, you know? And then it's not her background I'm worried about. You have to take a look at your spouse's and girlfriend's and boyfriend's background too. And I know that Scott guy's into some weird crap.

[Jen]

I gotta try and Crash.

[Jeff]

He is kind of creepy. If you look. You look at him in the hallways and he's always got that tilt to his head.

[Melissa]

Yeah. So, Jen, you're the vice president.

[Burt]

All right, hang on.

[Jen]

I got a question for Crash, but I put it back in. Oh, here it is. Question for Crash.

[Jeff]

No, I'm not drunk right now. Next story.

[Jen]

Let's be honest, okay? For Crash.

I don't like this question.

[Crash]

Oh, read it.

[Jeff]

I don't care. Nothing can hurt my feeling. I'm an armadillo.

[Melissa]

That's just a way of saying it's too easy.

[Jen]

No, it's not. If you had to sleep with the significant other of someone on the Burt show.

[Melissa]

Oh, wow.

[Jeff]

It would be Ryan.

I've always wanted to do a rock star. Baby.

[Melissa]

I said he is a purdy man. He is a purdy man.

[Jen]

Who would you choose and why?

[Jeff]

Instantly. I would do Stacy.

[Melissa]

Really?

[Jeff]

Oh, she's too cute. She's little, she's petite. I'd throw her around. I'd manhandle her. I would.

[Melissa]

I'm comfortable with this.

[Jeff]

Don't get me wrong. And it's funny because, I mean. And Jessica, you're very beautiful. I love you to death and everything. It's just that there's just something about Stacy that I think she's just ultra cute and sexy, by the way.

[Melissa]

I don't think Lee's ever coming home now because of that answer.

[Jeff]

Hey, you want the truth?

[Jen]

What you're saying is Stacy can get done.

[Announcer]

Now.

[Jen]

Do I keep doing. I forgot how he did this. Dude. Are we like I draw a bird again? So do I ask him again or do you?

[Burt]

No, we gotta. You gotta dig for one for Melissa.

[Crash]

Right?

[Melissa]

That would really be nice.

[Crash]

I thought you had one for me.

[Melissa]

I think everybody should have to ask. Yeah, everybody should just get one.

[Jen]

You've gone or. No.

[Burt]

No, I have not.

[Jen]

All right. So Melissa and Jenner left.

[Melissa]

Yup.

[Crash]

Yup.

[Jen]

Melissa.

[Crash]

Yes.

[Jen]

Oops.

[Melissa]

I'm very flattered, by the way. Just be gentle with her a little bit. I will bring her back just so I can. Over the next couple of months. She'll heal.

[Jeff]

Hey, you're the one that's buffing up there, big guy.

[Burt]

It'll take a while for it.

[Melissa]

I know.

[Burt]

Oh, my God.

[Crash]

See?

[Melissa]

Well, she's not used to anything like that. Right.

[Crash]

There's your vice president. Right.

[Jen]

Melissa, if a caller to the show retold the story of yours and not Lisa's breakup with every detail that you and she know, okay. Would you think the end of the relationship was more the fault of not Lisa or you and it was equal? Is not a possible answer.

[Melissa]

Wow. That is written by one Jeff Dollar, hands down.

[Crash]

So a listener knows the entire story, not just what I said on the air.

[Melissa]

100% truth.

[Crash]

I mean, not what I said on the air was a lie, but with.

[Jen]

Every detail that you and she know.

[Melissa]

For those of you in the office now, you know we've never revealed not Lisa's identity.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

No.

[Melissa]

If there's anybody in the office right now.

[Burt]

No, that's not fair.

[Melissa]

Turning up.

[Crash]

That's not fair.

[Melissa]

Turning up the radio or the computer could be her. Stop.

[Crash]

That's not fair.

[Jen]

If you're on the phone with someone and all of a sudden they stop.

[Melissa]

That could be not Lisa.

[Crash]

There's somebody, Blanche, in your office right now about to pass out if books.

[Jeff]

Come whizzing over your head from your. The partner in your next cubicle. It could be not Lisa, the only.

[Crash]

Reason I'm gonna say.

Cause Parvey wants to say me. I'd say me.

[Burt]

It's called. Let's be honest.

[Crash]

Yeah. I'd say me.

[Melissa]

Why?

[Crash]

Because I think that, you know, the true reason for our breakup is because of how things evolved after the illness. You know, like during the illness, our relationship was on a certain. At a certain speed. You know, it was at a certain, you know, had a certain routine going. And then after surgery, I'm the one that, you know, totally changed my vibe, my, you know, my actions, my. Because, you know, of course, you know, I had a new lease on life, and I would want to do all kinds of stuff, and I'm the only one that had that perspective of facing death and then coming out on the other side. And at least it didn't have that. So I would put the blame on me because I'm the one that initiated the change in momentum in our relationship. So I'd say me.

[Jen]

All right. All right.

[Jeff]

It just almost seems like you're. You're blaming your illness, which you really.

[Crash]

I'm not.

[Jeff]

No, you can't blame that. I mean, but I'm not.

[Crash]

I'm answering the question. I'm not blaming the illness, but that's how. That's reality. That's how you feel.

[Melissa]

Your perspective is different after the illness.

[Crash]

It has nothing to do with somebody else coming in our life. It has nothing else to do with the fact that we got in a fight over something that, you know, everything had to do with the fact that we didn't know how to handle how different our relationship was after I got well than before I got well.

[Jeff]

It has nothing to do with that manipulating, no good, cheating SOB woman named.

[Jen]

Oh, my God. You just gave it away.

[Crash]

I don't know.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Crash]

I don't know who you're talking about, but that's not Lisa.

[Jeff]

So right now, there's someone walking through the office going, I'm a not a no good. No good. That might be not Lisa.

[Jen]

Melissa just had to say the sentence. That's not. Not Lisa.

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Are you still hurting by the whole thing?

[Caller/Listener]

I'm.

[Crash]

I'm a lot better. I'm a lot better because I think once I. Once I started letting go because she let go before I did, and once I started letting go, I feel. I feel a lot. Not as. I don't know. It doesn't feel as heavy as it did before.

[Melissa]

What it was.

[Jeff]

It was just kind of funny that you actually said that. Are you still hurting?

[Melissa]

You're still hurting by the whole, yeah, I can be.

[Burt]

Not as.

[Crash]

Not as.

I can fight it in bird a lot. I know, not as much. I mean, I think I still have that cautious attitude going forward, but I'm not hurting regarding her as much as I was. Right.

[Jeff]

Well, I know she's getting better because I was. I was changing in our office that we share, and she took a double take at me. So things are getting better.

[Melissa]

Kids couldn't believe how small it was.

[Jen]

Yeah.

That was the back hair she was studying, not your ass.

[Burt]

She wondered how you got that swirl.

[Jen]

So the last man standing is one Jen Hobby.

[Melissa]

Oh, here come the tears. Oh, boy, here we go. Get ready.

[Burt]

You guys can't make fun of me anymore because I get really mean emails from people.

[Jeff]

All right, here's your question.

[Melissa]

When we talk about how sensitive you are.

[Burt]

Yes, I get really mean emails from people after we talk about how sensitive I am.

Oh, yeah, I mean, like really vicious, mean ones.

[Melissa]

Like, for example, really saying what?

[Burt]

I don't know. I could pull up one from yesterday. It was really mean.

[Jen]

What was the tone of it?

[Burt]

It was like, oh, first of all, they registered the domain name can't standjinhobbyahoo.com. oh, God, who would too?

And then they said, what time were.

[Melissa]

You on the computer yesterday, Jen?

[Burt]

And they just said. They just said really mean stuff. Every. It's funny because that person and like two or three others always email. Every time you guys talk about how much I cry on the radio or whatever, they're like, oh, you suck. Shut up.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

They're just.

[Crash]

They're jealous you're married.

[Jen]

Will you please send me an email from the address can't stand genhobby.com because that's funny to me.

[Burt]

Well, and I always think it's my old boss anyway.

[Melissa]

Oh, it could be. It could be.

[Jen]

You know, he's got plenty of time to register. Email address. What do you do in the privacy of your own home that you would never, ever do in front of us for fear of endless ridicule?

[Melissa]

Oh, I bet you've got a fistful.

[Burt]

Of these endless ridicule.

[Jen]

And I bet the answer involves the phrase fistful.

[Burt]

That I would never do in front of you guys.

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

You know, like when we did Am I Normal? And that woman called up and she said before the Academy Awards, she gives a speech in her own house. Yeah. Or the woman that called up and said that she likes to tie herself up before her husband gets home and be rescued when he walks through the door. That kind of thing.

[Burt]

Not that weird. That was weird. I'm trying to think of something good. Cause I'm sure there's a bunch of these. But the first two that came to my mind were that I can sit in the. I can seriously sit in the mirror for hours and analyze and reanalyze my eyebrows and every little hair on my face. And seriously, like, I have. This is really gross. I have, like, man hairs that, like, come up on my face. And so I'm always checking it out to make sure that I can, like, pluck the random man hairs that come out of my face.

[Melissa]

I dated a chick like that one time, and we went skiing and the snowflakes were getting stuck in on her cheeks because of all the hair on her face.

[Burt]

No, it was.

[Crash]

It's not a lot that happens to.

[Jen]

Jen when she eats a powdered donut.

[Burt]

No, no, no. I'm just saying there's like, one or two which will sprout, and I.

[Crash]

Man hairs are different than peach fuzz. Peach fuzz is the one.

[Burt]

No, peach fuzz.

[Crash]

Man hair's like.

[Burt]

Man hair is like a coarse black hair.

[Jeff]

Man hair like fly hair, now that.

[Melissa]

I think about it.

[Jen]

I'm gonna snip them. Just for future reference, I will check.

[Burt]

My face every single day when I get home from work just to make sure one of those man hairs hasn't popped up.

[Jen]

For a future reference, that's called a face pube.

[Crash]

Is it a face pube?

[Burt]

And if you have them, if you get them on your nipples, they're nipple snakes.

[Melissa]

I think that might be a good.

[Jeff]

Time to.

[Jen]

By the performing at Music Midtown this year. Face pubes and nipple snakes on the same stage.

[Burt]

That's a weird thing, right?

[Caller/Listener]

That's pretty weird.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

I like the AFTER830 addendum to question.

[Jeff]

Do you have any nipple snakes?

[Burt]

Every once in a while? Yeah.

[Crash]

That is funny.

[Jen]

Neat.

[Burt]

But I checked for those, too. It's all about plucking.

[Melissa]

That's your introduction. Let's be honest.

[Jen]

Hey, I'm gonna go home and pluck my nipple snakes.

[Burt]

Get it?

[Jeff]

The bird show.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, you want to pay just 10 bucks for your phone service at Boost Mobile? Just 10 bucks for your phone service at Boost Mobile?

[Burt]

Yeah, I totally do. I totally do.

[Melissa]

This holiday, the best gift is for you.

[Crash]

Pay just $10 a month for the.

[Melissa]

First two months and $25 a month for the first.

[Jeff]

Forever with unlimited data, talk and text offer. [e-mail] after your first two months, you'll pay 25amonth unless you go online or.

[Melissa]

Call to cancel requires autopay.

[Jeff]

Here's how to stay alive longer so you can enjoy Boost Mobile's unlimited plan with a price that never goes up. Do not mistake a wasp nest for a pinata. Stay alive and switch now at boost mobile. After 30 gigs, customers may experience lower speeds. Customers will pay 25amonth as long as they remain active on the Boost Mobile Unlimited plan.

[Sarah]

So good, so good, so good.

[Announcer]

Score Holiday gifts Everyone wants for way less at your Nordstrom Rack store. Save on Ugg, Nike, Rag and Bone, Vince Frame, Kurt Geiger, London and more.

[Jen]

Because there's always something new.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm giving all the gifts this year with that extra 5% off when I.

[Burt]

Use my Nordstrom credit card.

[Announcer]

Santa who join the Nordy Club at Nordstrom Rack to unlock our best deals. It's easy. Big gifts, big perks. That's why you rack.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Hi, it's Sarah. I'm the founder of Olive and June and can I tell you the one thing that always makes my day better? A fresh manicure. But who has the time or the money to go to the salon every week? That's why we created the Olive and June Gel Mani system. It gives you that same mani that you get at a salon for so much less. It comes with everything you need. A pro level lamp, salon grade tools. Our damage free gel polish that lasts up to 21 days. All you do is prep, paint, cure and you're good to go. And the best part? It's super easy and so affordable. Each mani breaks down to $2. So let's skip that $80 salon appointment and get the salon quality look for so much less. And on your schedule, head to OliveAndJune.com DIYgel20 and use code DIYgel20 for 20% off your first Gel Mani system. That's OliveAnJune.com DIY Gel20 code DIY Gel20 for 20% off your first gel mani system.

[Jen]

In case you didn't get a chance to hear the entire conversation on Friday, in case you just heard about this from your friends over the weekend or you heard our promo are running over the weekend, you don't know exactly what's going on here is in five minutes this is we'll flashback to Friday. This is Sarah on the Burt show on all the hits. Q100.

[Melissa]

Sarah, your coworker Jason called us up earlier this morning and he was telling us that we think that you have a really bad plan going down for your husband at the super bowl and you have his ticket, but you've decided to hold out on and not send it down there to teach him a lesson.

[Sarah]

That's right.

[Melissa]

So that's all accurate.

[Burt]

So Jason just, like, overheard you telling friends at the office this story.

[Sarah]

Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. I'm sure people at the office have been talking about it, especially guys, you know, because people have given me a hard time about it.

[Melissa]

But we're all trying to think what possibly he could have done over and over and over again for you to take such a drastic action like this. Because this is. I mean, this is really gonna be hurtful. You know that.

[Sarah]

Oh, you know what? I do know that. But that's, you know, unfortunately, the situation that he's presented for himself. You know what I mean?

[Crash]

Well, not really. That's what we're calling you. What is the situation?

[Sarah]

I've been married a year and a half to him, and he's great in every way except when it comes to, I guess, like, you know, adult house responsibilities. He really can't figure it out. And that's just a huge part of a marriage, in my opinion, and a huge part of a life with someone. But, you know, no one really understands what it's like to live with him. He basically. He starts things and doesn't finish them.

[Burt]

Like, what are we talking about?

[Sarah]

He can't finish anything.

[Burt]

What kind of projects are we talking about him not finishing around the house, off the bat?

[Announcer]

Okay.

[Sarah]

We have a loose tile in the entryway. Okay. And we've had it since we bought the place. It's a loose tile. It drives me nuts. He started work on the porch, on the back porch. Doesn't fix. I mean, I never finished it.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

So what?

[Sarah]

He never does the dishes. We will finish dinner. He'll put his dishes by the sink and doesn't wash them.

He'll go to the freezer and use up all the ice cubes of the ice cube trays and never refills them. He'll leave out his tools to fix something, and he just leaves them out, you know, and I end up picking them up. He can never, ever keep his office or the garage clean. It's like a pigsty. It's disgusting.

[Crash]

So have you spoken with him about these items that you've listed? And what has his response been on that?

[Sarah]

Constantly we speak about it. His big thing is, you know what? You know, I love you, but, you know, I'm sorry. I just. I don't have time, you know. Oh, my God. I got so busy, I forgot. That's the big thing. I'm just. I'm sorry. I'm so busy. I just forgot. I forgot to refill this or I forgot to do the dishes or I forgot to work on the porch or everything. You know, he's supposed to like, okay.

[Melissa]

He'S kind of irresponsible. He starts projects he doesn't finish.

[Crash]

And you've talked to him about it.

[Melissa]

And he doesn't respond. Okay, so that's the history here.

[Burt]

And this man is a faithful husband to you and treats you with respect?

[Sarah]

Yes.

[Crash]

So why, again my question, why this weekend?

[Sarah]

Because nothing else will get through to him to make him see that this is going to affect me in the marriage in the long run.

[Melissa]

You are gonna lose this guy. You are gonna lose a great guy.

[Jen]

Do you have the ticket in front of you or do you kind of seat it is in the arena in Houston.

[Sarah]

It's in a. What they. I guess a corporate section.

[Melissa]

It's gonna be a good seat.

[Jen]

Do you know what corporate section or where, where it is?

[Sarah]

No, it's just corporate section.

[Burt]

I don't.

[Sarah]

I know nothing about it. He told me it's like 12 rows back off the 40 yard line.

[Jeff]

Oh, God.

[Melissa]

Good morning, Annette.

[Caller/Listener]

Sarah, you have been married for a.

[Crash]

Year and a half.

[Caller/Listener]

I have been married for 21 years. Trust me. You keeping your husband's ticket while he's down with his friends causing embarrassment and unnecessary heartache behind some projects that have not been completed. He's only been married to you a year and a half, remember? A year before this he didn't even have projects. Give the guy a chance. This situation will stink like a stunk under the coffee table in your living room for the rest of your marriage. You cannot imagine the kind of harm that you are causing your relationship because you are upset about projects. You cannot marry them. Look, those guys that finish projects all the time are the guys that are on the tool show, the handyman show. That's not real life. Everybody's husband doesn't complete a project every time they start it. Give the guy a chance. But this is going to stink in your marriage. If you have one after this forever.

[Burt]

Wow.

[Sarah]

I'm sorry. I've made my decision. I mean, this is. I'm just gonna give back to him exactly what he gives to me right now.

[Melissa]

Hey, Angela, you're on all the hits Q100. Try to talk some sense into Sarah here.

[Sarah]

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. Matt is not your child. He is your husband.

[Caller/Listener]

He left the house. It's not like he took off the toilet to replace it. And that's the only toilet she had and didn't put it back on. She has a house.

[Sarah]

She is well taken care of.

[Melissa]

And you've said. You have said here, right, Sarah, that he's great in every other way Way, yes, every other way you love. This guy's perfect.

[Sarah]

You know what I think? I think like it's hard because people don't understand. It's not like I want to do this, but I really.

[Crash]

You're such a parent, Sarah.

[Burt]

I think constantly getting.

[Sarah]

I'm sorry, I'm too busy. I forgot. And I just. I really feel that I need to throw that back in his face at this point because I'm sick of it.

[Crash]

I hope you enjoyed the year and a half you were married.

[Melissa]

Can we call you on Monday and at least find out how everything went? You gotta be honest with us about that. Yeah, okay.

[Jen]

I know how I. What do you. Did you talk about Sarah all weekend at your super bowl parties?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, that's what I was just getting finished telling my mother in law about it.

[Jen]

And what do you think she did?

[Caller/Listener]

I think she's terrible. I mean, if you have kids or you have a man, that's what you do. When she has kids, she's gonna pick up after her kids. I mean, you know, that's just terrible.

[Crash]

I mean, if you have kids and you have a man, that's just what you do.

[Burt]

Just finish their project so they get started.

[Jen]

Right. Hey, Holly, do you think she sent him the T or do you think he went without?

[Caller/Listener]

I think she's sending the ticket. She's decent.

[Jen]

All right, cool. Thanks, Holly.

[Crash]

She's a decent woman. She sent that ticket.

[Jen]

Hey, Sarah.

[Sarah]

Hello.

[Jen]

Anything you'd like to share with us about this weekend?

[Sarah]

No. I mean, I stuck to my decision. I stuck to my decision. No, I went to work on Friday after I had been talking to you and everybody was talking about it, trying to talk me out of it, you know, just friends. And even people that I didn't know would kind of try to throw in their two cents. I got so many phone calls. Phone calls from people I don't even remember meeting or knowing. My mother from Tampa called me.

[Crash]

Oh, really?

[Sarah]

And I don't even know how she found out. I got a lot of phone calls, but I really. I stuck to my decision. And I think that, you know, it's my relationship, you know, I know better than anyone else else how to work it. I do. Even though everyone else thinks they know. So anyway, on Friday, you know, that's what happened. But I decided to stick to my decision.

Saturday, you know, I just, you know, I went shopping. I avoided calls. Friday night I went out. Actually, Friday night I went out with my girlfriends, and they all agreed with me. Every one of them agreed with what I was doing and supported what I was doing. Saturday, I shopped. I avoided phone calls. I just couldn't take the phone calls anymore.

[Jen]

Just out of curiosity, percentage wise, how many of the girlfriends you were out with are married?

[Sarah]

Two of them. I was out with five girls and they all.

[Jen]

It was unanimous. Like, none of them said to you, sarah, you might be going a little too far?

[Sarah]

One of the married girls tried to talk me out of it a first, but then. But then she saw my point.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Crash]

So Saturday you went shopping to avoid.

[Sarah]

Avoided phone calls as best as I could. Sunday, I literally turned my phone off.

[Burt]

Well, I know you're trying to avoid the phone calls from, you know, the people, your friends, whatever, trying to convince you to send the tickets, but did you avoid the phone calls from your husband as well?

[Sarah]

I knew he wouldn't call me.

[Crash]

I mean, I'm kind of curious because, like, as of Friday, my perception was that Matt wasn't aware of what was about to happen, the fact that he wasn't going to get a ticket. So I'm curious.

[Jen]

Did he call you and say, where's my ticket?

[Crash]

How did he find out? And what.

[Burt]

What the.

[Sarah]

You know.

I wouldn't even know because I. I did not want to talk to him.

[Crash]

Okay, so you haven't talked to Matt all weekend?

[Sarah]

No, but here's the kicker. See, now this is where I'm getting. This is. This is why I'm getting skeptical on Friday during the day at work, okay? I'm sitting at my desk and what arrives but two dozen pink and white roses since my work. Okay.

[Jen]

From Matt.

[Sarah]

From Matt, saying, I love you and I miss you.

Obviously, I think he was buttering me up. I think he found out. I think he was buttering me up. I think he was trying to get his ticket because he knew what I was gonna do. I had talked to him on Friday, so I didn't talk to him, you know, over the weekend, which I considered more Saturday and Sunday, but I had talked to him on Friday, about a half an hour after he had sent me the flowers, and he didn't say a word about. About the ticket, about. Where is it? Nothing.

[Jen]

So you don't know if he knew or didn't know?

[Sarah]

I don't know.

[Jen]

Hold on. People want to talk to you. Not surprised. Surprising. Hey, Chris. Yes, go ahead. She's on.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, Sarah. I'm just, I'm just curious. Do you ever get outside and help him dig the holes for the trees that he plants? When he does the landscaping outside, do you ever rake the leaves for him? Do you ever get out there and help him bag up the. The grass clippings when it's 155 degrees outside?

You know, women kill me with the. The expectations of a man having outside duties at the house, but yet they. You also want us to come in some and fold the laundry and do the dishes and also wanted to know, when you have kids, do you expect. You expect your husband to raise your child in like two weeks? I mean, because this is an ongoing project.

[Sarah]

I do help him as best as I can. Obviously I don't get out on my hands and knees because that's what he does.

[Jen]

That's what he, you know, apparently he's not doing it. So maybe you should.

[Crash]

When do you think you'll talk to Matt, you know, again? Do you think you'll talk to him today or.

[Sarah]

Oh, I'm sure I will. I'm sure I'll talk to him today.

[Crash]

Because I'm curious as how to. Because obviously this was done for. You did this for a reason. And I'm wondering how you're going to approach that reason or how that initial conversation is going to take place. You know what I mean?

[Sarah]

Well, I mean, I'm sure he'll call me when I'm at work and I'm.

[Caller/Listener]

Not going to be able to talk.

[Sarah]

So, you know, we're going to have to wait until I get home.

[Caller/Listener]

Home.

[Crash]

Is he coming home today?

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jen]

When does he fly home?

[Crash]

Okay.

[Jen]

All right. I know you've heard this all before. Can we each read you an email that we got?

[Caller/Listener]

Sure.

[Burt]

I got one from a woman who titled her email Sarah Wife from Hell. And it says, my husband and I have been married for 11 years for a reason in all caps. And then also in other all caps, we don't pull stunts on each other like this. If Sarah thinks that her husband is going to run home and fix that stupid porch and tell her that now he sees the. And that he's gonna most definitely do the dishes from now on. She lives in La La Land. La La Land in all caps.

[Crash]

And there was a woman by the name of Ann who sent an email that said, I've never been so bent on contacting a radio station as I am today. Is that woman effin nuts. What a prima donna. Send the man his ticket and deal with your lame ass issues later. How Smug is she? She knows he loves her, but not for long. And guess what? Every year around January, the Super bowl issue will come up all over again. If they are still together.

[Sarah]

You know what? Again, everyone else thinks they know how to run my relationship, you know, and that's fine. Everyone can have their opinions. Obviously, I'm. I'm still talking to you, so I don't mind, you know, hearing it or talking about it. But I do convince Sarah for that.

[Jen]

I know it's. Hold on, Sarah. I'm just gonna. We're gonna read you one more email, then we'll let you go. Okay?

[Caller/Listener]

Okay.

[Jen]

Hey, Jeff and Burt. My name is Kyle Blank and the woman you had on my radio this morning was my sister, Sarah. I just wanted to let you know that nobody in her family agrees with what she is doing. As a matter of fact, nobody even knew this was happening until we all started calling each other about 8am on Friday to turn on Q100. I spoke to her right after she got to work and she was as stubborn with me as she was with all of your listeners who called in. And all of you guys. There was no getting through her thick skull about how she wasn't teaching a lesson to her husband as much as she was asking for a divorce. I don't know that I have ever been as frustrated as I was with her Friday. And I've been married 11 years and have four kids. Anyway, I thought you'd be interested in knowing that. Friday after lunch, I went to Sarah's house and using the key that she leaves me for when they go out of town, I let myself in. I found the ticket and took it to FedEx and overnighted it to the hotel in Houston where the six of them are staying. Long story short, because I know you were busy, he got the ticket and went to the game. I got a message from him on my cell at halftime. And he knows that I hate. Because he knows that I hate the pain. I don't know if he knows what happened on Friday, and I don't know if I'll tell him. I do plan on letting Sarah know Monday afternoon when the game is safely over. What I did.

[Sarah]

Sarah, this has got to be a joke. That's got to be a joke.

[Caller/Listener]

That's.

[Sarah]

It's impossible. That's impossible.

[Jen]

Do you have a brother?

[Sarah]

I'm looking at the ticket right now. That's impossible.

[Jen]

Do you have a brother named Kyle?

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Jen]

Has he been married 11 years and have four kids?

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Yes.

[Jen]

And you have the ticket in your hand?

[Sarah]

I have the ticket in my. I'm looking at it.

[Jen]

You're looking at the ticket or you're looking at the envelope the ticket came in?

[Sarah]

Hang on, I don't. I don't know. Hold on.

[Burt]

Wow.

I like. Kyle.

Are you there?

[Jen]

She's to going to get that envelope.

This is the longest minute of my.

[Crash]

Life and the longest walk back to the phone.

[Jen]

I don't want to say anything cuz I want to hear what she's going to say in the background.

[Crash]

Time has just stopped for Sarah.

[Sarah]

Hello?

[Jen]

Yes.

[Sarah]

You know what? No, this is not.

[Jen]

Is the ticket in the envelope?

[Sarah]

No, it's not. You know what? I really don't believe that my brother would do this.

[Jen]

Is the ticket in the envelope?

[Sarah]

No, but this has got to be. That could not have been my brother. This has got to be. I think this is some big scheme that you guys planned up or something because I've got.

[Jen]

Look at. The email is right here.

[Crash]

There's no way we could come into your house, Sarah. We couldn't do that.

[Sarah]

I'm so angry right now. This is what I'm talking about. I know how to run my marriage. I know what to do for the situation.

[Burt]

It's not a business. Honey, you don't run a marriage. I mean that's just like the wrong way to look at it. Your marriage is a partnership. You gotta support each other.

[Sarah]

Well, I know how to be in my marriage and everyone else. And to step into my life, to step into my personal space, my house, without my knowing it, that's. I'm like beside myself. I'm so angry.

[Jen]

Call your brother.

[Sarah]

Okay, I'm going to.

[Jen]

All right, Sarah, we're let you go.

[Crash]

Thanks for taking the calls though, Sarah, seriously.

[Jen]

And thanks for coming on with us.

[Sarah]

Okay, bye.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Is it just me or was that the longest? How long did it take her to get to that envelope and back?

[Burt]

Like 30 seconds or so.

[Melissa]

90 seconds.

[Jen]

I was sweating.

[Crash]

Oh my God. So happy ending.

[Jen]

Hey, Terry.

[Burt]

Hey.

[Crash]

Hey.

[Caller/Listener]

I hope Sarah's still listening.

[Jen]

Hey, Shara.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, how you doing?

[Jen]

I'm all right. How are you?

[Caller/Listener]

I'm all right. I am so glad that the brother saved her marriage because where I'm from, my husband, my ex husband, I'm gonna let. Listen, Sarah, ex husband, he didn't cut gr. He didn't wash a dish. He wouldn't do a family outing. He didn't do. Nathan, when I tell you nothing. Nathan. She don't understand that she had a good man that work every day and do this, that now don't get me wrong. Now me and my ex husband are best friends. But guess what he does now that we're exes? He redid my whole bathroom floor. Paint the walls. Put the borders up, sis. So y' all don't feel me.

He repainted my bathroom. He put the borders up. Please understand me when I tell you.

[Jen]

But you know what you did by making him your ex husband? Sher, you know what you did is you put the. You put the carrot back in front of the horse. Now he's got something to go after.

[Caller/Listener]

And she was so selfish that she was going to keep that ticket. She just don't know. I heard about in a beauty shop over here off of Camel, over off of Cascade Road. I said, she did what I said. See, they need to invite her to the studio and bring another sister or any woman that's been married or get married or had or is married and let her know how in the world did she think that she was gonna be right if everybody else was telling her how wrong she was? But big ups to her brother.

Her brother, her brother's wife. She got a good man. She better hold on to him.

[Jen]

Thanks, Sharon.

[Caller/Listener]

Sarah. Sad Sack Sarah. That's what we gonna call it.

[Crash]

Sad Sack Sarah.

[Caller/Listener]

Have a blessed day.

[Crash]

You too. Thank you. And thank to everybody on the in the beauty shop.

[Jen]

Yeah. For talking about it. What beauty shop was it? Plug the shop?

[Caller/Listener]

Elite Creations and my hairdresser. We were going to Las Vegas today for her birthday. But I had to stay cause I'm getting a new house. See, Sarah, when you do things right, you get good things. Sister. Get out there and put a peel that you peel off the back of the towel. You slap it down. Sister. It'll be all right if you help out around the house.

You ain't got to go shopping with your friends. All something. Do something for your man. He work all day. You do something. Girl, she never say nothing that she did. But big ups to her brother.

[Jen]

Big ups. One more time to Kyle.

[Melissa]

Listen, it's the vert show.

[Burt]

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[Burt]

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[Jeff]

Ooh, who's there?

[Crash]

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[Crash]

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[Melissa]

You called that a knock knock joke?

[Sarah]

This isn't a joke.

[Crash]

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[Jen]

And set up your phone at home or work.

[Jeff]

Okay. It's just that when people say knock.

[Jen]

Knock, there's usually a joke to go with it.

[Sarah]

Like I said, this isn't a joke.

[Melissa]

So the knock knock was just you knocking?

[Crash]

Yeah, that's how doors work.

[Melissa]

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