Full Show PT 3: Wednesday, March 11 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show - Full Show PT 3: Wednesday, March 11 [Vault]

Original Air Date: March 11, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & others
Summary covering timestamps [01:00]–[33:13]

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show delves into authentic, humorous, and sometimes provocative morning radio fare, featuring listener call-ins and cast banter about real-life dilemmas, relationship drama, and personal tales. The show touches on job insecurity (with a blackmail twist), sensitive topics around intimacy and physical compatibility, and unconventional approaches to marriage proposals. With its signature candid, comedic tone, hosts and callers provide a morning dose of laughter and real talk.

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1. Workplace Drama: Job Security and Blackmail

[01:00–12:21]

Key Points:

• Carly’s Dilemma:
  Carly, using a voice disguiser, calls in about impending layoffs at her company and her plan to "ensure" job security using incriminating photos of her former supervisor (now promoted).
  • She caught her district manager in a compromising, flirtatious situation with another woman at a company gathering.
  • Carly is anxious about losing her job and contemplates confronting the manager with these photos.
  • There are rumors layoffs will begin soon; Carly feels desperate based on her friend’s long-term unemployment.
• Moral and Legal Debate:
  The Bert Show cast and listeners weigh the ethics, strategy, and risks of blackmailing for job security.
  • Jen raises concerns about how such an act could backfire or create a toxic work environment.
  • Jeff, with tongue-in-cheek, discusses potential blackmail techniques, cautioning against written communications but suggesting an anonymous, strategized delivery if attempted.
  • Melissa plays devil’s advocate, empathizing with Carly’s desperation while acknowledging the moral complexity.
  • A caller (Kenneka, HR professional) warns that decisions about layoffs often come from higher up, so such leverage may not work and could backfire.

Notable Quotes & Timestamps:

• On the blackmail plan:
  "You don't ever really think that blackmail is happening in real life." – Host (Burt), [04:55]
• About the incriminating evidence:
  "His hand is on her leg, her inner thigh, and she had a skirt on." – Carly, [04:10]
• Moral perspective:
  “Is blackmail illegal?” – Jen, [14:10]
  “Yeah, absolutely.” – Jeff, [14:16]

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2. Relationship Talk: “Too Small” or Just the Attitude?

[13:02–24:48]

Key Points:

• Tanya’s Intimate Dilemma:
  Tanya calls in—voice disguised—to share her frustration with a man she's dating, citing his small anatomy and pushy persistence as dealbreakers.
  • The topic quickly pivots from physical compatibility to the importance of attitude and respect in dating.
  • The cast candidly debates whether Tanya should be blunt about the reason she's not interested, and whether or not anatomical incompatibility is a fair dealbreaker.
• Listener Experiences:
  Multiple women call in with stories of partners with smaller anatomy who were nonetheless great in bed, urging Tanya to give him a chance if she's interested, but agreeing that an arrogant or pushy attitude is a red flag.
  • Some argue strongly against judging solely on size, while others relate to Tanya’s frustration.
• Humor and Honesty:
  The cast jokes about “small penis discrimination” (SPD) and tackles the stigma and sensitivity around discussing size and sexual satisfaction.

Notable Quotes & Timestamps:

• On the unpleasant persistence:
  “He knows it’s small, but he’s pissed off right now because I won’t see him.” – Carly (as Tanya), [17:07]
• Listener wisdom:
  “Don’t let that be the only reason. Goodness.” – Kat (caller), [20:16]
• Comic relief:
  "There must be some women listening … you gave him a shot and were pleasantly surprised." – Host (Burt), [15:50]
• Blunt honesty:
  “You cannot tell a man that his junk is too small.” – Jeff, [23:35]
• On size specifics:
  “My middle finger… Probably about three to four inches.” – Carly, [24:25]

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3. Proposing to a Man: Flipping the Script

[25:19–33:13]

Key Points:

• Kimberly’s Proposal Plan:
  Kimberly calls in, excited to propose to her boyfriend of over a year (after 6 months long-distance) at his family’s Christmas gathering.
  • Despite her boyfriend’s previous statements that marriage is “just a piece of paper,” she’s certain he’ll say yes.
  • She’s even bought a “man-gagement ring” (titanium band) for the occasion.
  • She plans to ask his father’s permission, adopting traditional steps in non-traditional order.
• Hosts’ and Listeners’ Advice:
  The cast expresses skepticism, especially about proposing in front of his family during their first meeting.
  • Melissa notes that public proposals—especially in front of family—may put pressure on the intended.
  • Jen and Bert worry his lukewarm stance on marriage could spell disappointment.
  • Listeners call in, with half encouraging her to go for it and half issuing strong cautions ("It’s always 50/50").
• Discussion of Commitment:
  Kimberly is clear: if she moves across the country, she wants the security of marriage, not just cohabitation.

Notable Quotes & Timestamps:

• On feminine initiative:
  "She’s taking matters into her own hands." – Melissa, [25:28]
• About the ring:
  “I hadn’t ever heard this term before, but they called it a man-gagement ring—mangagement.” – Kimberly, [29:03]
• On relationships:
  "There are guys that will absolutely, under no circumstance... it's just not for me. And it sounds to me like he's telling you… it doesn't mean anything to me." – Host (Burt), [29:54]
• Split opinions:
  "It's about to split right now. Half people saying, no way… and the other saying, just absolutely go for it. Why not?" – Host (Burt), [32:57]

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4. Memorable/Miscellaneous Moments

• Impromptu Life Advice:
  Comic banter from hosts like Jeff and Jen regarding Dale Carnegie–style strategies for workplace manipulation, and how awkward or devastating certain breakups can be based on honesty versus tact.
• Open Relationship Surprise:
  Tanya reveals she’s in an open relationship and her boyfriend advised her to just tell the other guy the truth about why she isn’t interested ([17:47]).
• Listener Camaraderie:
  The number of women calling in to support one another’s experiences in the size conversation—humorous and affirming.

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• Workplace blackmail and layoffs: [01:00–12:21]
• Physical incompatibility & dating drama: [13:02–24:48]
• Unconventional proposal plans: [25:19–33:13]

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Conclusion

The Bert Show brings a signature blend of vulnerable, real-life dilemmas and sharp, supportive (and sometimes sassy) group commentary. This episode covers the spectrum from workplace desperation and ethical conundrums to personal relationship thresholds, all balanced with listener input and big laughs. The cast’s openness—and the willingness of callers to share—keeps the energy unfiltered and inviting for anyone needing both a break from the everyday and a slice of reality.

Transcript

[Jen]

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[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

and I've lost 100 pounds. Weight Watchers has everything I need from weight loss medications to nutrition support and help with my side effects. It's all in one place.

[Jen]

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[Carly]

I'm Mike and I've lost 135 pounds.

[Jeff]

Weight Watchers prescribing GLP1 medications.

[Carly]

It's been life changing.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

I'm Shar and I lost 80 pounds on Weight Watchers. I realized that it would take more than a prescription to lose weight and feel good on a GLP1.

[Jen]

Better results, expert support, lose more weight, make it last.

[Carly]

I can't imagine doing a GLP1 without Weight Watchers.

[Jen]

Get started for as low as $[e-mail] New medications require eligibility and prescription.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Patients on 15 milligrams of parazepatide had an average of 21% weight loss and a 72 week clinical trial. And paired with diet and exercise. First month as low as 25 dollars with a 12 month med plus plan does not include the cost of GLP1 medications.

[Host (Burt)]

The bird show. Carly here wants to be on the voice disguiser for good reason. A lot of businesses are making cuts right now big time. And you would think like the timing of it has always like been a little strange to me. Like why wait until like a week before Christmas?

[Jeff]

It's the new year.

[Host (Burt)]

I guess you gotta wait until the new year. But can't you do it on like December 3rd or something?

[Jen]

I don't know what's better or worse. Because you want people to get their paychecks for as long as they can.

[Host (Burt)]

Yeah, give me ax in the beginning of December and give them two weeks,

[Jeff]

seven something you gotta be off the books by January 1st.

[Host (Burt)]

Yeah, it sucks.

[Jen]

It does.

[Host (Burt)]

Well, Carly here says that she's got some job security and her boss doesn't even know about it. She wants to obviously be on the voice discussor. So here we are. Hey, Carly.

[Carly]

Hi, guys.

[Host (Burt)]

Hey.

[Carly]

So, yeah, my company, there are rumors that there are going to be some layoffs because they're really trying to cut back and so they're thinking it's going to be. Well, they're saying maybe Wednesday they're going to start to do the first round of cuts. So I've been with this company for a while and I have a couple of Co workers that are really close with me. I'm sorry, I'm just so nervous. And so today we're going to go in, me and this other woman and we're going to. We'll see. Our district manager used to be my direct supervisor and I have some. Something incriminating that could jeopardize his marriage. And I was going to basically go in there and say, I want to be ensured that my job is safe. And the other co worker.

[Host (Burt)]

Okay, we need some specifics here.

[Carly]

Well, okay. We went on a work kind of outing and one night we were at this bar, restaurant and a bunch of people left and I was with two other people and we were about to go, then we said, you know what, why don't we. There's like a little loungey part in the back. Let's just kind of go over there and have a couple more. So we were there and this person, this manager, he ended up staying. I guess he was just sitting at the bar and he started talking to this woman who was there. And you know, over the next couple of hours he got really flirty and he ended up leaving with her. And we have some pictures of just like. I don't want to get too specific, but just. It's pretty obvious that something's going on. That they did at least walk out to the parking lot maybe together. But very touchy feely type pictures.

[Host (Burt)]

He's not gonna care. There's nothing really incriminating there.

[Jeff]

You don't know his wife.

[Host (Burt)]

I mean, how bad is it?

[Carly]

I mean, there's one picture where his leg, I mean, his hand is on her leg, her inner thigh, and she had a skirt on. So he's leaning and talking to her, but his hand is going up her inner thigh.

[Melissa]

That's pretty bad.

[Carly]

You know, I'm nothing with them kissing, but leaning in really, really close, you know, and then he's helping put on her jacket and you know, has his arm around her and. No, there's definitely. You could see that there's, there's something,

[Jeff]

there's some chemistry there.

[Host (Burt)]

Yeah, sounds like such a made for TV movie type thing. You don't ever really think that blackmail is happening in real life.

[Jen]

You know, here's the question. How many other people in the office know about this? Because I feel like this information is only really good for blackmail if it's only yours. I mean, if he has to make a lot of different cuts, but then the whole department's coming in to try to blackmail him, like he's still gonna have to Cut.

[Carly]

Some people, only three of us know about it. And it's not like we had planned to use this or anything. It just. We started taking pictures of each other and then noticed he was in the background and we were getting really drunk and we just said, oh. And we just start snapping pictures every now and then. It's three people, including me, so me and two other women. And one woman, she's just. She doesn't really. She's not sure yet, but she definitely doesn't want to walk into the office with us. She's just really freaked out about it. And I am too. I just feel. I'm just so scared about losing my job. I mean, I don't know what.

[Host (Burt)]

You're desperate.

[Carly]

And I have another friend who used to work for the mayor and he hasn't been able to get work. He got laid off and he hasn't been able to get work for a year. And he has a master's degree.

[Jen]

Well, the only thing you have to think about is like two or three steps ahead because. Okay, say you blackmail him and you keep your job through the holidays or through this firing time. How is the work environment going to be after that when you still have to go to work with her?

[Jeff]

Doesn't matter. She's still getting a check at this point.

[Carly]

He's not my direct supervisor anymore. He's been promoted, so he's still.

[Jen]

But I'm just saying in January, you can come up with some other reason to let you go.

[Host (Burt)]

He's gonna want those pictures. He's gonna go, okay, this one time deal. At least this is how I would see it going down on Lifetime Network. He's gonna want. He's gonna want the pictures in exchange for doing this. So you can never blackmail him ever again.

[Carly]

No, I'm not. I wouldn't give up pictures. I mean, I want to be able to leave this company when I get another job when I want to. I don't want to buy myself two months.

[Host (Burt)]

Hey, Kenneka. Good morning. You're part of the Burt Show.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Hi, good morning. I love your guys show.

[Host (Burt)]

Thank you.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

I work in HR in a company here. And all I wanted to say to this lady is that if you're working for a DM or whoever, they're told a specific name to cut you off. They don't just choose a random person to lay off. So if you go in and have this story for that person, they're still going to lay you off. And you might even get in trouble yourself for bringing this up.

[Host (Burt)]

So it might not do you know for sure it's his direct decision on who stays and who goes?

[Carly]

I don't think it's his direct decision. And I've definitely thought about what that caller said, that there are a lot of factors, but he has great influence on, you know, I believe who stays and who doesn't. And I don't think he's going to want to come forth with that, with anyone. I don't think he's going to say, hey, Bob, I'm kind of, I don't know what to do because, you know, someone has these pictures, you know, I don't think he's going to want anyone to know about that. So I think he'll try, you know, as hard as he can to come up with some reason why he can't, you know, let us go ahead, Melissa.

[Melissa]

Yeah. Devil's advocate. I mean, yeah, moral issue, whether she should do it or not. But here's, here's the situation we're in in this country where so many people are losing their jobs and like she said, so many people. So you lose your job at one company before then you might be able to get something even if it's part time. But that is not the case that we're in right now. So even if, like you said, Jen, the work environment, well, at least she's still getting a paycheck and has insurance. You know what I mean? So for some people that it may be, even though she may get laid off anyway, why not try to save your job? I'm just devil's advocate. Just asking.

[Host (Burt)]

Hey, Kirsten. Go ahead. You're on Q100.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Hey, good morning. I was just gonna say that what if the boss is on the chopping block too? I mean, I would assume he's not the be all end all. So what if he's on the chopping block?

[Jeff]

Then what difference does it make? Like he's the guy who's.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Because if you weren't on the chopping block, he's gonna make sure you are now.

[Host (Burt)]

Well, not if you got the pictures.

[Jeff]

Yeah, yeah. Not if you have the pictures. Why would he do that?

[Host (Burt)]

Can't. That's the only thing she's got.

[Jeff]

Like he wouldn't even then he might say, like then he would go to his supervisors and go, hey, you know what? That list I gave you, we got to move a couple people off it because I was wrong.

[Host (Burt)]

I have to see the pictures. But the case that you're stating for the pictures right now, at least what I have in my mind, he could Just go to his wife and go, look, I just got to be honest with you. One night I got buzzed with a whole bunch of workers. And I didn't go over the line, but I think I was inappropriate with one of my co workers. And there were some pictures taken. She's gonna get mad at him. They're gonna be mad at each other for three days, and then it's over. It's not like, you know, he's having an affair.

[Jeff]

Depends on how many pictures there are.

[Host (Burt)]

And I'd have to see him, too. But at least what you're saying here, the way the picture that she painted doesn't sound devastating.

[Jeff]

Hand going up the skirt and then leaving together. It's pretty intent.

[Jen]

Is blackmail illegal?

[Jeff]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Host (Burt)]

When are you supposed to do this?

[Jeff]

Unless you're one of the major car companies.

[Host (Burt)]

What's that? When are you gonna do this?

[Carly]

We're gonna do it today.

[Host (Burt)]

Today?

[Carly]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

I have a. I have a suggestion. Is it wrong for me to give you a suggestion on how to do it?

[Carly]

No, I. Yeah, sure.

[Jeff]

Because my suggestion wouldn't be because you said you were gonna march into his office.

[Carly]

Yeah. And it wasn't a co worker. It was just a woman who was at the bar. You know, she looked like kind of a business type woman. Maybe she was traveling or something on a. You know, for work.

[Host (Burt)]

So it's nobody. It's not somebody you know?

[Carly]

No.

[Host (Burt)]

Okay.

[Jeff]

See, my thought is don't walk into.

[Carly]

I mean, that would be even better because that person could maybe say that,

[Host (Burt)]

you know, but you don't have.

[Carly]

That was something going on, you know? But no, it's just a random woman. So what were you going to tell me?

[Jeff]

I was going to say I wouldn't walk into the office. I would write a strongly worded email and attach one of the photographs, the most incriminating, and say, maybe even print it out. So there's nothing in the email system. And take it to him and then go in there and just say, hey, the email was from me and Melissa. You know, don't put your names on it or anything like that.

[Host (Burt)]

Because I wouldn't put anything in an email.

[Carly]

No, I wouldn't either.

[Jeff]

Put it in writing and then go in there and say, hey, this is for me and Melissa. Don't put your name on it. Because if you go in there in person, then he can start threatening and talk. You can end up fired right away. But if you give it to him in writing and he's got to sit on it and he can't, he doesn't know who it is.

[Host (Burt)]

Are you giving her blackmail advice? I'm just trying to figure out exactly what's going on here.

[Jeff]

Yeah, I asked you if I could beforehand.

[Melissa]

He says, is it okay for me to give advice on how to do it?

[Jeff]

Yeah, because I think if you go in there right away, his gut reaction might be to buh by fire you immediately without.

[Jen]

It's true.

[Jeff]

And then deal with the consequences afterwards. But if he has to sit on it for a few hours, that's when the full repercussions start to pop into his mind.

[Host (Burt)]

Let's talk to you tomorrow morning after you go in the office today and find out how it went, okay? Okay.

[Jeff]

Good luck.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Thank you.

[Host (Burt)]

The bird show

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[Host (Burt)]

All right, let's get back to Tanya. Here's the call that she made to us on Friday.

[Carly]

This dude I've hooked up with, his penis is entirely too small. I mean, we hooked up and I mean. But he talks too much and he's irritating, and he wants to do it again. I'm like, I don't want to. And he said, why not? I just, like, just don't want to. But I'm just gonna finally tell him

[Jeff]

the reason why you're not making that up. Like, that's a legitimate reason.

[Carly]

That's a legitimate reason.

[Host (Burt)]

All right, so I wasn't here on Friday. So the deal is he works his way into bed with her. Is he awful at once? Okay, they hook up once.

[Jen]

It's so bad. But the reason it's so bad is because of the size.

[Host (Burt)]

Okay, so he had some technique, but it's so small that even if he had the greatest technique in the world, it was still gonna be bad.

[Jen]

And he was diligent about saying, baby, I can make it right for you. And she was going, uh. And there was. He was so persistent, she didn't feel like there was anything else she could do but tell him that.

[Jeff]

And Jeff was saying, anything Come up with anything else. But that's. Except tell him anything else. Come up with, I'm sorry. I don't. I think I like women now. I'm sorry, I don't know that I'm in a place to be in any sort of relationship right now. Anything.

[Host (Burt)]

But just so I'm clear, she told him initially, you have a small penis and there's nothing you can do about it? No, she hadn't told me that.

[Jen]

No, she was just saying she wasn't gonna do it again.

[Host (Burt)]

Okay, here's Tanya back on the voice disguiser. Hey, Tanya. Did he work his way back into bed with you or did you give him one more shot? Come on.

[Carly]

No, I did not. And let me clarify, we never even. We kind of fooled around, right?

[Jen]

There's different definitions of hooking up.

[Carly]

Yeah, hooking up.

[Jen]

So you just messed around and you did the drive by?

[Carly]

Yes, and I did, you know, the slight check. And it is very small. And oh my God, I was just telling Tracy, he just non stop this morning, like, please, I just want to. Elliot. You know, And I'm like, no, I don't want to get together. And I even did Jeff's thing about we're not compatible. He said, I've never heard of no such thing. I've never been told it by a woman. I'm like, are you freaking kidding me? That's why you don't have one.

[Jen]

This guy has a huge ego.

[Carly]

Oh my God. A little. Yeah. Huge ego and a little thing.

[Jeff]

That's a bad combination.

[Host (Burt)]

Now I think that there's. I mean, there's a certain stigma that goes along with being a short guy. I'm one of them. I think that most would think, okay, that's probably. His parts are all small all the way around. Is this guy a big guy with a small part or is he a small guy with a small part?

[Carly]

He's probably about 5, 10. I mean, good looking, you know, he's okay looking. It's just that, you know what I'm saying, I can't do nothing with it. And I know that. And so I feel like I'm. Without hurting his feelings, but I'm about to tell him. Cause my text is getting bloated right now.

[Jen]

Does he know you're on the radio?

[Carly]

Huh?

[Jeff]

Well, no.

[Jen]

Does he know you're on the radio?

[Jeff]

Then he would know the reason.

[Carly]

I don't think so.

[Host (Burt)]

There must be some women listening. And we can use the voice disguiser for you guys. Also that you're glad you gave him a shot, even though he had a really small thing there. You gave him a shot and you were pleasantly surprised because he knew what he was doing. And at first you were probably just Like, Tanya, you're like, you're all grossed out. Because at first it must be shocking.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

It's gonna be one of those things.

[Jen]

If we get one call, I'll be surprised.

[Host (Burt)]

Serious? Yeah. 404-741-Q100 maybe.

[Jen]

He's very talented at other things.

[Host (Burt)]

I hope Stacy's in the gym. That's all I'm saying. I hope she's not listening.

[Jen]

She's like, oh, sweet.

[Host (Burt)]

I got the hotline.

[Jen]

I know how to get right through force disclosure, please.

[Host (Burt)]

Stacey. No, that's you. I'm just saying I think we will get calls from women here saying, yes, it was small and shocking the very first time that I saw it or touched it. And I just said, what the hell? And I gave him a shot and. And he made up for it.

[Jen]

Brittany, we gotta keep track of numbers and stuff.

[Host (Burt)]

Come on. Go ahead, Brittany. Either one. They're all working. Yes, that's happened to me. It has happened to you?

[Carly]

Uh huh.

[Host (Burt)]

It has happened to me. Okay. Because it is the motion of the ocean. No, it's usually that they're willing to work a lot harder and try a lot more things. But the problem with this guy is he doesn't think that his thing is small. Right, Tanya?

[Carly]

Yeah, I think he knows it's small, but he's pissed off right now because I won't see him. So I'm just gonna tell him straight up in his text it's small and that's it.

[Host (Burt)]

I think you should.

[Jeff]

You can't do that by text.

[Carly]

I love you guys. And so y' all get me through my morning. But this is absurd.

[Jen]

Is there really a good way to

[Host (Burt)]

get that message though? Like, I mean, text, really?

[Carly]

If you're gonna get it, I'm going to torture. I'm rejecting him. And like I said, also I have an open quote, unquote relationship. And you know, I told my, my, My boyfriend, he's like, yeah, just tell him it's small. He said maybe he'll stop now.

[Host (Burt)]

It got strange.

[Jen]

So you have an open relationship with your boyfriend?

[Carly]

Yes.

[Jen]

And he can do whatever he wants to?

[Carly]

Yes. Yeah. But he rather. He rather me. That's why I said this is probably a good story. But. And I, you know, I told him about this guy and when I told him how little it was, he said, well, just tell him it's too small.

[Jeff]

You may have just gotten yourself booked on the show tomorrow too.

[Host (Burt)]

You can't ask your current boyfriend for how to tell your love her he's got a small penis.

[Carly]

He don't love her. He just, you know, he's not.

[Jen]

Well, he could have been had he had something to work with.

[Carly]

Yeah. Thank you, Jen. If he would have had something to work with.

[Host (Burt)]

She's almost angry about it. Good morning, Aaron. You're on Q100, not on the voice disguiser. Unless you want to be.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Oh, no, that's fine. I don't care.

[Host (Burt)]

Okay, hold on one second, let me get you off. Go ahead.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

So I was dated this guy for about a year and a half and it was a couple months before we got intimate. And he was a short guy. He was about 5, 3, 5, 4. And so I just automatically assumed he was small. But when we finally did it, it was small. But damn, it was good. He knew what he was doing and he knew it was small. He did not give a damn. It was good.

[Host (Burt)]

I think this goes, mate. Does this go along with the theory that we've had before that like average looking guys will try harder also, rather than your good looking guys? Maybe you're short, short men, you know, your smaller dudes, maybe they try harder. Is that what we're saying?

[Jeff]

Cause they step up.

[Jen]

Maybe that's what Brittany's saying.

[Host (Burt)]

Well, but I've had both experiences, to be honest.

[Jen]

I've had.

[Host (Burt)]

I sound like I get around on this show, don't I?

[Jen]

For real?

[Host (Burt)]

No. I've had little experiences where I'm like, yeah, I wouldn't go back to that. But I've also had little experiences where it was like, oh, that's all right.

[Jen]

Little experiences that were actually big.

[Host (Burt)]

Yeah. Good morning, kat. You're on Q100.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Hey, guys. All right. I about had a heart attack when I heard her say that she hadn't slept with the guy and she's judging him on his size alone without trying him out. Yeah, that's a huge problem. Just because a guy like is not so well endowed as other guys doesn't mean it's not going to be good when you get him in the sack.

[Host (Burt)]

Have you had experience in this area, Kat?

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

I have, yes. And fortunately, the guy that I was with, I mean, he was a sweet guy and he was right up front about saying, oh, yeah, I've got a two inch fun time down there. And he was so upfront about it and he was like, yeah, but you know, you're gonna have a good time and it makes other things a lot easier, so give it a try. Goodness sake. You can't just reject a guy thinking that you're not gonna like something and that can't be the only reason? She might have other problems with the guy and that's just fine. Like go ahead and dump him for other reasons, but don't let that be the only reason. Goodness.

[Jen]

Are you still with Mr. Two Inches?

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

No, I'm not, no. This. Well, that was a fun experience for me, but I'm not. But it was a great. It was a great time. It was a great night.

[Host (Burt)]

It was one great night.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Yeah.

[Host (Burt)]

Well, if it was that great, then why don't you go back to him?

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Oh, well, it was a one night stand with him and his girlfriend. It was.

[Jeff]

So wait a minute. He had a girlfriend and he's got a 2 inch package? He's got himself a regular girlfriend and he's picking up other girls?

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Yeah.

[Host (Burt)]

Wow. Bring me to this two inch man.

[Jeff]

What's he doing right when he's not making love to women? Is he sitting on the top of a mountain giving advice out to people who come up and seek wisdom from him?

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Well, he's not all that different from Buddha. Yeah, you're right about that.

[Host (Burt)]

Wow, that is impressive.

[Jen]

That is impressive.

[Jeff]

Yes, it is.

[Host (Burt)]

Hey, Brittany. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Good morning. AM I on the voice disguiser?

[Host (Burt)]

You're not. Do you want to be sure?

[Jeff]

Okay, you have to ask for it properly. Voice disguiser, please.

[Host (Burt)]

Go ahead, Brittany. You're on it now.

[Carly]

Okay, just wanted to say that I agree with the other callers. They apparently have had experiences with a smaller package as well. And I myself, there was a fellow in my life a couple of months ago and he actually was the smallest package I've ever seen, but knew how to work it, so, you know, give it a chance, Tanya. That's all I'm saying.

[Host (Burt)]

Are you not even a little bit intrigued to see what this guy might have?

[Carly]

No, I'm not. He's being nasty. He's mad because I don't even want. He wants to take me to lunch now.

[Jeff]

Okay, so just say I don't want to date you.

[Carly]

I. I did.

[Jen]

And he won't leave her alone.

[Carly]

No, I'm.

[Host (Burt)]

Yes, I think he can sue you.

[Jen]

For what?

[Host (Burt)]

He's obviously discriminating.

[Jen]

Does your boyfriend have small penis?

[Host (Burt)]

Yeah, small penis discrimination. A lot of people call it spd.

[Jen]

I was gonna ask you if your boyfriend is well endowed.

[Carly]

Oh, yes. Yes.

[Jen]

See, then that's what you're used to.

[Jeff]

Well, can't you operate with averages?

[Carly]

And I would be okay with a. With a small package, but when you being really pushy and just aggressive and I said not today or Maybe another time. Let me think about it. You still keep on. Why not? Why not? Why not? That gets. That's a turn off.

[Host (Burt)]

Yeah. He's turned you off so much. To where it's past the point of you even wanting to give him a shot because he's so arrogant about it. So it's not even about the penis size anymore. Good morning, Misha. You're part of the Burt Show?

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Hi. I was calling to say I think she should give him a shot. The guy that I'm currently dating, he's smaller than what I'm used to. And the first time that we actually sat together, it was unbelievable. Right? And he's very handsome.

[Host (Burt)]

They're all telling you, go for it.

[Carly]

I'm missing the point. I'm sorry, I think you're missing the point. It has nothing to do with just looks. It's his whole attitude. Right.

[Jeff]

Okay, so then there's your reason for breaking up with him.

[Carly]

But I'm not really, quote unquote, breaking up. He's just not going to get the real thing. Right?

[Jeff]

So just tell him. I don't like your attitude, whatever you do. You cannot tell a man that his junk is too small.

[Host (Burt)]

If this guy is so arrogant and he deserves it, then I think maybe.

[Jeff]

No. What kind of man are you?

[Host (Burt)]

Well, it depends how. Aren't you arrogant? He's been.

[Jeff]

Why don't you be a little less open, a little more Tebow?

[Carly]

Leave Bert alone. He's right. I'm just gonna. You know what? Maybe I should tell him face to face. Maybe that'll do it.

[Jeff]

As long as you're telling him it's because of his bad attitude, I'll tell

[Carly]

him because of boat.

[Jeff]

I don't want a bad attitude. If you tell a guy that you're breaking up with him because he has a bad attitude and a little penis, all he hears is you've got a bad attitude and a bad attitude.

[Host (Burt)]

I think some guys need it. Hey, Sarah. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Jeff]

Nothing you can do about it.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Yeah, I was just wondering, like when you say small, exactly how small do you mean? Because what's small to somebody might not be so small to somebody else. I'm just curious.

[Carly]

My middle finger.

[Host (Burt)]

Your middle finger?

[Carly]

Okay. Oh, no.

[Jeff]

Oh, wow.

[Host (Burt)]

Yeah. That's too bad. Say that again.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

So you're talking like three to four inches?

[Carly]

Probably. That's probably being nice about maybe. Probably about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

I'm right there with you.

[Carly]

That's ridiculous.

[Host (Burt)]

Hey, the bird show

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[Host (Burt)]

Hi Kimberly. Hi. Hi. How are you today?

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

I am doing great.

[Host (Burt)]

You are ready to get engaged?

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Yes, I am.

[Melissa]

Congratulations.

[Host (Burt)]

She's taking matters into her own hands.

[Melissa]

Well, I go ahead, but I have friends that did a similar thing and are still married and very successful.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

That's great. I mean, you know, it's interesting because he had said before that he wasn't the marrying type and you know, the whole, like, oh, you know, a piece of paper, just a piece of paper. You know, if you're together, you're together. But I really feel, I mean, with 100% certainty that he's gotta say yes. I mean, he's the love of my life and he's terrific and I'm really excited.

[Host (Burt)]

Now, how long have y' all been going out?

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Probably almost a year and four months.

[Jen]

That's still pretty early, don't you think?

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Well, you know, I think it really depends because I know like my parents were, they knew each other for two months before they got married and they've been together for 26 years.

[Host (Burt)]

Okay.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

So, you know, I mean, I think that, you know, it really depends on the couple, definitely. And one of the biggest factors that really made me think that this was not just a fantasy but could actually happen was he moved. He's originally from Connecticut and he moved out here, like I said, a little over a year ago. And we started to date. And after about nine months, his job called him back to move back. And I thought, you know, I've been in long distance relationships before, like when I was in college and work out well. And I told myself, I was like, you know, what if things are going really strong still after six months? This is just something I said to myself. I didn't say it to him. I said, you know, what if after six months of being long distance and apart and it's still going strong? I'm going to ask him and it's been great.

[Host (Burt)]

And you're that sure he's going to say yes? You're that sure he's going to be as excited as you are?

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

I am positive. Well, the excitement, like, I don't know if he's gonna scream and jump up and down like a girl would. I think he's definitely gonna say yes. I mean, this is gonna be in front of his whole family, too.

[Melissa]

Now, that is the part that I'm nervous about.

[Host (Burt)]

That's how we fit the breakfast.

[Jen]

There's a lot of parts I'm nervous about.

[Melissa]

I mean, I'm not. I'm not, you know, I'm not such a traditionalist, obviously, that I don't agree with you proposing to him, however, doing it in front of his family. That my understanding is you've never met.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

No, I've talked to his mom many, many times, unlike his sister on the telephone, but we've never actually met in person. So he's been out here to see me a few times. But he invited me this year to go to his family's house.

[Jeff]

And why wouldn't you just wait for him to ask you?

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Well, like I said, I mean, he'd always said that it was just a piece of paper, that it didn't matter to him. But I think what my thinking is, and I feel like I said really, really strongly that he's going to say yes, is that he'll realize that it's important to me and to my family. I just don't want to. I don't want to just move in with him. And I really love this guy. I'm willing to move halfway across the country to be with this guy. And if I'm going to do that, I don't want it to be just because he's my boyfriend. I want definitely more of a commitment. And it's. When you were talking about, like meeting his family on Christmas Eve, I'm actually gonna talk to his dad and ask his permission if you know how he feels about it.

[Jen]

So you're going like traditional roles just flip flopped?

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Yeah, yeah, a little flip flop.

[Jen]

Are you going to propose with a ring?

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Actually, yeah. You know, it's funny because when I was shopping, I hadn't ever heard this term before, but they called it a man gagement ring mangagement. That's really funny. It's a funny term, but it's a really beautiful titanium band. So it could just be like a regular decorative ring, too. Like, I don't know if he'd want that for his wedding ring, But I definitely wanted to get him something that was masculine and strong and represented what I felt was the strength of our relationship.

[Host (Burt)]

Hold on one second here. Good morning. Melissa, you're on Q100.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Hey, guys. I love your show.

[Host (Burt)]

Thank you.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

I wanted to Tell the caller that it's really not too early. I had a lot of my friends tell me those too early. But it wasn't. We met April 2008, and we were married June 13 this year.

[Jen]

Wow, that was real fast.

[Host (Burt)]

See here, it's not the timing of it that scares me a little bit. It's the statement that. And I would have to see it or hear it for myself. His take on marriage sounds very different than yours. His take is, it's just a piece of paper. I don't need that to be with you for the rest of my life. Now, I don't know how strongly he believes in that or not. There are guys that will absolutely, under no circumstance around the world. Susie was dating a guy for a long time that absolutely this was part of his world, that if you want to be with me, I can love you forever, we can have children. But as far as marriage goes, that's just not for me. And it sounds to me like he's telling you like it's just a piece of paper. That's. It doesn't mean anything to me.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Well, that's why, like I said, I mean, he. Every step of our relationship, he's been really supportive. He's like. He's not one of those guys who, like, afraid to talk about his feelings, you know? And I know he loves me, and I'm. I'm really, really thinking that when he realizes how important it is to me, that if it is just a piece of paper, it won't be that big a deal. I mean, I don't care about prenups or any of that. I come from a really good family, so I don't need money or any of that stuff. That has nothing to do with it. I think that's why most men are afraid of getting married, is that they're so worried.

[Host (Burt)]

There's just enough gray area here to make me think, you certainly shouldn't be a public proposal, and it shouldn't be in front of his family.

[Melissa]

Well, it should never be a public proposal in front of the family that you meet for the first time, man or woman. But I think that that's a good point. To me, though, it's like a more creative ultimatum. Because, I mean, my only other suggestion is that if you don't feel comfortable moving and living with him as a girlfriend, then the only other option is you're gonna have to give him the ultimatum. Either I am married to you or I don't go.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Well, I mean, it's. That sounds pretty harsh, but I Guess it's true, because I don't want to do that. You know, I mean, he moved out here for work. We met here. So this is, you know, this is my life. And it's. It's. When he's here with me, it's fine, because I have my family, I have my friends, I have, you know, my career. I have all of that. But if I move back east, where I don't know anybody, I'm sure he's going to understand because we've talked about this, about me moving. I'm a pharmaceutical rep, so I can pretty much work anywhere. But he works. I won't say what company he works for, but he works for a very big company, and he has a lifetime career ahead of him with this company. I can move around from company to company. It's not that big a deal. But I don't want to give up my friends, my family, like, the whole life that I've had, you know, just to go see some girlfriend. Not that, you know, I. I enjoy my relationship with them, but I definitely want to take it another step.

[Host (Burt)]

Kimberly, let me put you on hold for a second because a whole bunch of people want to give you their opinion on it.

[Caller or Guest (various female callers)]

Not a problem.

[Host (Burt)]

It's about to split right now. About half people saying, no way. It's just the wrong place, wrong times, just not right. And the other saying, just absolutely go for it. Why not?

[Jeff]

Seriously? 50. 50?

[Host (Burt)]

About 50.

[Jeff]

Is that what our audience is about?

[Host (Burt)]

50? It's always 50. 50.

[Jeff]

Shocker.

[Host (Burt)]

The bird Show.