The Bert Show — Vault: Are Men Really Getting Drunk During Their Child's Birth?

Air Date: March 13, 2026
Main Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and listeners
Episode Theme:
This lively episode delves into whether men (and even staff) are really getting drunk during the birth of their children. The cast shares personal fears, field calls from listeners with surprising delivery room stories, and candidly discusses anxiety, avoidance, and some truly bizarre encounters in the labor ward.

Main Theme & Episode Purpose

The central question explored: Are men actually drinking to cope with the stress or anxiety of childbirth, sometimes to the point of drunkenness — and what are the unexpected results? The episode gathers real listener stories of both intentional and accidental intoxication, as well as one unforgettable account involving a drunk doctor, highlighting the pressures of childbirth not just for mothers, but fathers and even medical staff.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Reluctant Delivery Room Dad

• Jeff's Dilemma:
  • Jeff voices reluctance about being present in the delivery room due to a fear of fainting at the sight of blood or stress.
  • He jokes, “At some point in the past two decades, the opportunity to decide that has been taken away from men.” (01:01)
  • The team debates societal expectations and male anxieties surrounding childbirth.

2. Listener Stories: Drunk & High Husbands

• The "Accidental Drunk" Phenomenon
  • Many men apparently take a drink “to calm the nerves,” but sometimes end up more intoxicated than planned due to nerves, lack of food, or sleep deprivation.
  • Kristin: “It’s that accidental drunk ... just to ease the nerves a little bit. You take a little bit and a little turns into too much.” (03:33)

Notable Calls (Chronological & Thematic Highlights):

• Autumn:

  • Her ex-husband was an accidental drunk who threw up in the bathroom right after her water broke—the nurse checked on him instead of her.
  • “We go in ... as soon as my water breaks, he promptly gets up and throws up in the bathroom. And the nurse is checking on him rather than checking on me.” — Autumn (03:09)
  • Jeff: “See, that’s my concern.” (03:27)

• Pamela:

  • Husband entered the delivery room high after taking a hit with a buddy in the parking lot while buying cigars at Walmart.
  • He ended up enthusiastically cutting the cord despite earlier refusals, but the event scared him straight.
  • “He basically pushed the doctor out of the way to cut the cord.” — Pamela (04:09)
  • Bert (joking): “He didn’t eat the cord, did he?” (04:11)

• Jennifer:

  • Unexpected labor after a benefit her husband attended; she drove herself to the hospital due to his drunkenness.
  • “I had to text him ... too much pain. So, yeah, drove myself to the hospital ... Drunk husband can’t go move it. And, yeah, he actually ended up passing out in the delivery room.” — Jennifer (06:06)

• Tiffany:

  • Her labor experience included a husband who took 10 Percocet supplied by his grandmother before entering the delivery room, resulting in distress and near-fainting at delivery.
  • “In the delivery room, he’s acting really freaked out and turns green ... The doctors were like, ‘sir, do you want to sit down?’” — Tiffany (09:12)

3. Staff Stories: When It’s the Doctor

• Rachel’s Call:

  • Her mother’s obstetrician delivered her while drunk 26 years ago, resulting in a birth injury.
  • “My doctor was drunk when I was delivered ... as a result, I have an arm injury from it because my arm was the first part of my body that he could hold on to. So he just continued to pull me out by it.” — Rachel (07:00)
  • The doctor allegedly altered records and fled the state afterward: “Kind of like a Lifetime movie.” (07:14)
  • Bert and Kristin react with disbelief and horror, highlighting the risks involved.

• Discussion:

  • The team acknowledges it’s not just fathers—sometimes doctors or staff might arrive at deliveries intoxicated after events or parties if they’re unexpectedly called in.
  • “The calls that we would take ... about doctors that come back from being on call that are working on patients that are drunk would shock you.” — Kristin (08:20)
  • This opens a wider conversation about medical protocols and professionalism.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The opportunity to decide that [being in the delivery room] has been taken away from men.” — Jeff (01:01)
• “You should do what my husband did. He was drunk in the delivery room.” — Unnamed message (02:19)
• “It’s the accidental drunk, and they probably still pass out.” — Bert (02:53)
• “He basically pushed the doctor out of the way to cut the cord.” — Pamela (04:09)
• “In any situation, if your drug supplier, legal or illegal, is your grandparents, it puts you in a different category.” — Bert (10:02)
• “My doctor was drunk when I was delivered ... I have an arm injury from it.” — Rachel (07:00)

Timestamps — Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment / Quote | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:46 | Episode’s main premise begins: men’s role in the delivery room | | 01:12 | Jeff’s fear of fainting and role expectations | | 02:19 | Introduction of drunk-in-delivery-room discussion | | 03:07 | Autumn's accidental drunk story | | 03:51 | Pamela’s high husband story | | 05:42 | Jennifer’s story—drives herself to hospital with drunk husband | | 07:00 | Rachel’s mother’s delivery by a drunk doctor | | 08:20 | Broader concerns about intoxicated medical staff | | 09:10 | Tiffany’s story—husband on Percocet in delivery room |

Tone, Language & Dynamics

• Humorous but honest: The cast delivers their takes with signature wit, plenty of jokes, and banter.
• Open and conversational: The callers and hosts share embarrassing stories candidly, normalizing anxiety and surprise around childbirth.
• Judgment-free but critical: While laughter is constant, the team doesn’t shy away from acknowledging the seriousness of dangerous or negligent behavior.

Summary

This episode taps into a surprisingly common phenomenon: partners—and, alarmingly, even doctors—turning to alcohol, weed, or pills to get through the high-stress, high-emotion moments of childbirth. Real-life stories from listeners are met with empathy and amusement, driving home that nerves in the delivery room are universal but the ways of coping (and the consequences!) are wild and unpredictable. For expectant parents, the episode opens honest dialogues about preparation and support, while also warning about the dangers of substances—intentional or incidental—in the delivery room. The Bert Show keeps it real, funny, and relatable, even when the subject matter is a little wild.