Vault: Are Men Really Getting Drunk During Their Child's Birth?

Summary

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The Bert Show — Vault: Are Men Really Getting Drunk During Their Child's Birth?

Air Date: March 13, 2026
Main Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and listeners
Episode Theme:
This lively episode delves into whether men (and even staff) are really getting drunk during the birth of their children. The cast shares personal fears, field calls from listeners with surprising delivery room stories, and candidly discusses anxiety, avoidance, and some truly bizarre encounters in the labor ward.

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Main Theme & Episode Purpose

The central question explored: Are men actually drinking to cope with the stress or anxiety of childbirth, sometimes to the point of drunkenness — and what are the unexpected results? The episode gathers real listener stories of both intentional and accidental intoxication, as well as one unforgettable account involving a drunk doctor, highlighting the pressures of childbirth not just for mothers, but fathers and even medical staff.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Reluctant Delivery Room Dad

• Jeff's Dilemma:
  • Jeff voices reluctance about being present in the delivery room due to a fear of fainting at the sight of blood or stress.
  • He jokes, “At some point in the past two decades, the opportunity to decide that has been taken away from men.” (01:01)
  • The team debates societal expectations and male anxieties surrounding childbirth.

2. Listener Stories: Drunk & High Husbands

• The "Accidental Drunk" Phenomenon
  • Many men apparently take a drink “to calm the nerves,” but sometimes end up more intoxicated than planned due to nerves, lack of food, or sleep deprivation.
  • Kristin: “It’s that accidental drunk ... just to ease the nerves a little bit. You take a little bit and a little turns into too much.” (03:33)

Notable Calls (Chronological & Thematic Highlights):

• Autumn:

  • Her ex-husband was an accidental drunk who threw up in the bathroom right after her water broke—the nurse checked on him instead of her.
  • “We go in ... as soon as my water breaks, he promptly gets up and throws up in the bathroom. And the nurse is checking on him rather than checking on me.” — Autumn (03:09)
  • Jeff: “See, that’s my concern.” (03:27)

• Pamela:

  • Husband entered the delivery room high after taking a hit with a buddy in the parking lot while buying cigars at Walmart.
  • He ended up enthusiastically cutting the cord despite earlier refusals, but the event scared him straight.
  • “He basically pushed the doctor out of the way to cut the cord.” — Pamela (04:09)
  • Bert (joking): “He didn’t eat the cord, did he?” (04:11)

• Jennifer:

  • Unexpected labor after a benefit her husband attended; she drove herself to the hospital due to his drunkenness.
  • “I had to text him ... too much pain. So, yeah, drove myself to the hospital ... Drunk husband can’t go move it. And, yeah, he actually ended up passing out in the delivery room.” — Jennifer (06:06)

• Tiffany:

  • Her labor experience included a husband who took 10 Percocet supplied by his grandmother before entering the delivery room, resulting in distress and near-fainting at delivery.
  • “In the delivery room, he’s acting really freaked out and turns green ... The doctors were like, ‘sir, do you want to sit down?’” — Tiffany (09:12)

3. Staff Stories: When It’s the Doctor

• Rachel’s Call:

  • Her mother’s obstetrician delivered her while drunk 26 years ago, resulting in a birth injury.
  • “My doctor was drunk when I was delivered ... as a result, I have an arm injury from it because my arm was the first part of my body that he could hold on to. So he just continued to pull me out by it.” — Rachel (07:00)
  • The doctor allegedly altered records and fled the state afterward: “Kind of like a Lifetime movie.” (07:14)
  • Bert and Kristin react with disbelief and horror, highlighting the risks involved.

• Discussion:

  • The team acknowledges it’s not just fathers—sometimes doctors or staff might arrive at deliveries intoxicated after events or parties if they’re unexpectedly called in.
  • “The calls that we would take ... about doctors that come back from being on call that are working on patients that are drunk would shock you.” — Kristin (08:20)
  • This opens a wider conversation about medical protocols and professionalism.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The opportunity to decide that [being in the delivery room] has been taken away from men.” — Jeff (01:01)
• “You should do what my husband did. He was drunk in the delivery room.” — Unnamed message (02:19)
• “It’s the accidental drunk, and they probably still pass out.” — Bert (02:53)
• “He basically pushed the doctor out of the way to cut the cord.” — Pamela (04:09)
• “In any situation, if your drug supplier, legal or illegal, is your grandparents, it puts you in a different category.” — Bert (10:02)
• “My doctor was drunk when I was delivered ... I have an arm injury from it.” — Rachel (07:00)

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Timestamps — Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment / Quote | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:46 | Episode’s main premise begins: men’s role in the delivery room | | 01:12 | Jeff’s fear of fainting and role expectations | | 02:19 | Introduction of drunk-in-delivery-room discussion | | 03:07 | Autumn's accidental drunk story | | 03:51 | Pamela’s high husband story | | 05:42 | Jennifer’s story—drives herself to hospital with drunk husband | | 07:00 | Rachel’s mother’s delivery by a drunk doctor | | 08:20 | Broader concerns about intoxicated medical staff | | 09:10 | Tiffany’s story—husband on Percocet in delivery room |

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Tone, Language & Dynamics

• Humorous but honest: The cast delivers their takes with signature wit, plenty of jokes, and banter.
• Open and conversational: The callers and hosts share embarrassing stories candidly, normalizing anxiety and surprise around childbirth.
• Judgment-free but critical: While laughter is constant, the team doesn’t shy away from acknowledging the seriousness of dangerous or negligent behavior.

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Summary

This episode taps into a surprisingly common phenomenon: partners—and, alarmingly, even doctors—turning to alcohol, weed, or pills to get through the high-stress, high-emotion moments of childbirth. Real-life stories from listeners are met with empathy and amusement, driving home that nerves in the delivery room are universal but the ways of coping (and the consequences!) are wild and unpredictable. For expectant parents, the episode opens honest dialogues about preparation and support, while also warning about the dangers of substances—intentional or incidental—in the delivery room. The Bert Show keeps it real, funny, and relatable, even when the subject matter is a little wild.

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Transcript

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[Radio Host 2]

Kyle. Again?

[Commercial Voice]

Really?

[Radio Host 1]

Auto trader. Buy your car online. Really?

[Radio Host 3]

The bird show.

[Radio Host 2]

Jeff has wanted to ask you guys this question since, like, 7:15 this morning. He told us this morning that if and when Jessica gets pregnant and this is a decision that they decide to make, that he doesn't want to be in the delivery room when she's delivering their baby.

[Radio Host 3]

I'm not saying I would rather not. I know that I have to be. My frustration comes from the fact that at some point in the past two decades, the opportunity to decide that has been taken away from men.

[Radio Host 2]

There are so many obvious reasons that we debated why guys have to be in the delivery room earlier this morning. Doesn't need to be debated again. But Jeff, his fear is that he's gonna pass out. Like, he'll see the blood. He can't handle all this stuff. And he's going straight down.

[Radio Host 3]

Right? And I want all the attention focused on the greatest child ever to be born. So down the hall. That being said, that's happened twice already.

[Radio Host 2]

Jesus and Sanjay.

[Radio Host 1]

Oh, my God.

[Radio Host 2]

But go on.

[Radio Host 3]

Seriously, dude, Federal Secret Service. You'll just disappear.

[Radio Host 1]

Does he have to wear one? Does he have to wear that Navy captain uniform if he becomes U.S. surgeon General? Like, Coupe dead or was actually in the Navy.

[Radio Host 3]

Was in the Navy, Yeah.

[Radio Host 1]

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[Radio Host 3]

And he was also the guy who found all the fried fish patties. Anyway, see, every coupe tells you not to smoking Long John. Still, we want you to have a project, Patty.

[Radio Host 2]

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[Caller]

Slicker. Yes, with that hat. Oh, my gosh, I wish we had a webcam.

[Radio Host 3]

Any who.

[Radio Host 1]

So.

[Radio Host 3]

And this came from an instant message from somebody that shall not be named. Because if no phone calls come in, I don't want her to be embarrassed, but she said, you should do what my husband did. He was drunk in the delivery room.

[Radio Host 1]

Oh, I'm sure that happens a lot.

[Radio Host 2]

So he was so anxious about the whole thing that he actually brought his

[Radio Host 3]

flask into the delivery room and he was buzzed when he went in.

[Radio Host 2]

Is there anybody listening right now that was either buzzed in the delivery room or your husband was drunk in the delivery room just so he could be there for support. He had to get through it any way he could.

[Radio Host 1]

Right.

[Radio Host 2]

And alcohol gave him a little liquid confidence.

[Radio Host 1]

And I'm sure a lot of it's the accidental drunk, you know, like. Because I'm sure there are guys that may purposely do that. But you know, what's worse is it's the accidental drunk, and they probably still pass out.

[Radio Host 2]

404-741. Q100. Good morning, Autumn.

[Caller]

Hi.

[Commercial Voice]

Hey.

[Caller]

Actually, my ex husband, we were married for 10 years and he was an accidental drunk in the delivery room. We go in my. They admit me into the hospital, and as soon as my water breaks, he promptly gets up and throws up in the bathroom. And the nurse is checking on him rather than checking on me.

[Radio Host 3]

See, that's my concern.

[Radio Host 2]

That's what Jeff was saying earlier this

[Caller]

morning also, if you're not drunk, you're not going to be drunk. You're going to be fine.

[Radio Host 2]

But it's that accidental drunk like Melissa's talking about as you go just to, just to ease the nerves a little bit. You take a little bit and a little turns into too much.

[Radio Host 1]

Right. And, you know, maybe you had a lack of sleep, maybe you didn't eat much that day. So all the circumstances make you drunk and you're nervous at the same time. Yeah.

[Radio Host 2]

Good morning, Pamela. You are on Q100. Hi.

[Caller]

Hey. My husband, we, when we had our first child, he wasn't drunk, but he came in the delivery room high. And that was the only way he could get through it in the whole nine months. He kept saying, I'm not going to cut the cord. I'm not going to cut the cord. Well, he basically pushed the doctor out of the way to cut the cord.

[Radio Host 1]

He didn't eat the cord, did he?

[Caller]

No, no, it went to fit it.

[Radio Host 2]

So. Right. So somewhere in like, the north side parking lot, before he comes in, he just breaks out some weed, takes a hit, and then comes on in.

[Caller]

No, his friend, they, they went to like, to Walmart to get the cigars for the baby and all that stuff. And when he comes back, he was, I was like, I'm over here in pain, giving birth to your child, and this is the way you come back to the hospital.

[Radio Host 1]

Oh. Now, if you. If the doctors give you that choice. At the moment, though, as long as you take it to.

[Radio Host 3]

Unless. You know what? People probably won't say this to your face, but I'm just gonna. I mean, this is no basis on judgment for love of your baby, but he really bought the cigars at Walmart?

[Caller]

Oh, yeah.

[Radio Host 2]

They're probably little swisher sweets.

[Radio Host 3]

That's what I'm saying. Did he break the plastic ends off?

[Caller]

That was the closest place. That's where he went.

[Radio Host 1]

Yeah. I mean, it's not like if she went into. To labor, I mean, where's he gonna go, right? You know, I'm going to the smoke shop. That's, you know, in Buckhead.

[Caller]

Well, you know, it's coming after that. You know, he went to hold the baby and it scared him. And he doesn't smoke no more, thank God. But, you know, that. That scared him. I was like, yes.

[Radio Host 1]

When does a man plan ahead to get the cigars for his baby?

[Radio Host 3]

Seriously, Jeff, he had weed in his car.

[Radio Host 2]

Hey, Rachel, hold on one sec. For me, you're gonna be my closer call, okay?

[Caller]

Okay.

[Radio Host 2]

All right. Sometimes it's not the husbands that are drunk in the delivery room. Sometimes it's the staff.

[Radio Host 1]

Oh, no, you're kidding.

[Radio Host 2]

We'll talk to Rachel about that in a second. Hey, Jennifer, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Yeah, my husband was accidentally drunk. We went to a benefit, and I was eight and a half months pregnant. And he proceeded to drink and drink and drink, and I went into labor two weeks early. Had to drive myself to the hospital.

[Radio Host 1]

Oh, God.

[Radio Host 2]

This one here is a little bit more justifiable, though, because she went into labor early, and it's not like he got buzzed in order to go to the delivery room.

[Caller]

Yeah, what was bad is we actually started cramping and said, I'm gonna go sit out in the car. I don't feel real well, and something's not right. And I need you to meet me as soon as you get done talking to the person you're talking to. And for like an hour. And I had to text him. Couldn't get out of the car and go find him. Too much pain. So, yeah, drove myself to the hospital, parked in, like, the emergency parking, and I was like, you know, my car is in emergency parking. It's only good for half an hour. Drunk husband can't go move it. And, yeah, he actually ended up passing out in the delivery room. Like at the. On the floor. In the most disgusting place in a delivery room.

[Radio Host 2]

Did you said this was your ex husband or this is your current husband?

[Caller]

Current husband.

[Radio Host 2]

Current husband.

[Radio Host 1]

Oh, but he's paying every damn day.

[Radio Host 3]

Yes, he is. Without a doubt.

[Radio Host 2]

That's one you don't forget. Okay, Rachel, not your husband. That was drunk.

[Caller]

No, my doctor was drunk when I was delivered, so my mom doctor was drunk. Yeah, I. At the time, she said she didn't even really think about it because I was so. Such a large baby. I was 10 pounds 2 ounces.

[Radio Host 3]

Oh my God.

[Caller]

So, yeah, in retrospect, they should have given her a C section, but she was trying to have me naturally and was so consumed by that that she actually had to put the pieces back together the next day to realize what had happened. And yeah, he was drunk. And as a result, I have an arm injury from it because my arm was the first part of my body that he could hold on to. So he just continued to pull me out by it. So, yeah, it was very bizarre. It's kind of like a Lifetime movie. I mean, he went in, change all my birth files and everything and kind of left the state after that.

[Commercial Voice]

Yeah.

[Radio Host 1]

I was gonna say lawyers are tripping over themselves trying to call information.

[Radio Host 2]

This was how long ago?

[Caller]

26 years ago.

[Radio Host 2]

Six years ago.

[Radio Host 3]

Wow.

[Radio Host 2]

You still have the scars from it.

[Radio Host 1]

Because I. Well, I mean that's. I mean that's sad and tragic what happened. But, you know, I could see where if a doctor was not on call but was being paged because you go into delivery and let's say they're at a benefit and they're drinking at a benefit, like that woman's husband, and they're accidentally drunk and then they get the page that one of their patients has gone into labor.

[Radio Host 2]

I can tell you this, it's another topic for another time, but keep in mind, my sister in law is a nurse. And the calls that we would take from nurses confessing that the doctors that come back from being on call that are working on patients that are drunk would shock you?

[Radio Host 3]

No way.

[Radio Host 2]

It happens more than y' all think.

[Radio Host 1]

Really?

[Radio Host 3]

You mean like had one beer at lunch or you mean like you're talking

[Radio Host 2]

about like doctors are on call?

[Radio Host 3]

Right.

[Radio Host 2]

The nurses can't handle what's going on, or they're supposed to. The protocol is you call the doctors. Doctors are on call and they're not supposed to be drinking.

[Radio Host 3]

Okay.

[Radio Host 2]

But they go ahead and they risk it. They gamble. Look, nothing's gonna happen.

[Radio Host 3]

They Won't get the call.

[Radio Host 2]

That's gonna happen tonight. So they go to a party, they get their drink on.

[Radio Host 1]

Wow.

[Radio Host 2]

And sure enough, they're called in, and they have to go back to the hospital and work on the patients. And they're drunk. You'll be shocked by the calls.

[Radio Host 1]

Scary. Wow.

[Radio Host 2]

Good morning, Tiffany. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller]

Hi.

[Radio Host 1]

Hi.

[Caller]

Well, I went into labor while my husband was at work. He came home. I had to wait for him to take a shower. Then we had to go by his grandmother's house, and she gave him, like, 10 Percocet or something. And so we were in the delivery room, and I did not know that's why he went by there. So I'm wondering, in the delivery room, he's acting really freaked out and, like, turns green when my son comes out.

[Radio Host 3]

Is this your regret?

[Caller]

He couldn't cut the cord. The doctors were like, sir, do you want to sit down? Because you look like you're about to pass out. So he. Yeah, he was pretty. I mean, he was feeling pretty good. We were both doped up.

[Radio Host 3]

But it was your grandma or his grandma who slipped in the pills.

[Caller]

His grandmother.

[Radio Host 3]

Okay.

[Radio Host 2]

In any situation, if your drug supplier, legal or illegal, is your grandparents, it puts you in a different category. A totally and completely different category. You don't want to be here.

[Radio Host 3]

The bird show.

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