Vault: Are Parties For One-Year-Olds Overrated?

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Are Parties For One-Year-Olds Overrated?

Date: February 6, 2026
Host & Cast: Bert, Stacy, Katie, Jen, Angela, Party Entertainer
Main Theme: Exploring the value and etiquette of throwing extravagant first birthday parties for children—are they worth it, and who are they really for?

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode, The Bert Show crew dives into a debate about whether hosting elaborate birthday parties for one-year-olds is excessive or meaningful. Bert, facing an upcoming blowout bash for his son Hollis orchestrated by his wife Stacy, weighs his skepticism against the importance it holds for the family—especially for Stacy. The conversation covers personal anecdotes, questions about party etiquette (especially when inviting childless friends), and listener perspectives, all wrapped in the show’s characteristic humor and authenticity.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Personal Reflections: Why Go Big for a 1-Year-Old?

• Bert’s Dilemma (00:00–02:18):

  • Recalls past resistance to couple baby showers and parties, realizing these events matter more to his wife than to him, leading to a more supportive attitude.

    “What I learned from that is that day right there for her was so much more important to her than it was for me, that I just should have shut up…” — Bert (00:34)

  • Faces the reality of Hollis’s impending first birthday party, which is “going to be a major blowout,” including opening the backyard fence for a combined party with neighbors, hiring entertainment, a moonwalk, and a large guest list.

• Family Tradition & Fairness (01:22–03:13):

  • Stacy insists on a similar celebration for Hollis as older sibling Hayden had, not wanting the youngest to feel shortchanged.

    “If Hayden had it, she wants her second son to have the same thing.” — Stacy (02:57)

  • Bert notes this party will be even bigger than Hayden’s was, highlighting the “dress rehearsal” effect for later children.

2. The Real Purpose—Who Are These Parties For?

• Audience Acknowledgment (02:02–02:18):
  • Jen and Katie debate whether the parties are truly about the child, considering the one-year-old won’t remember.

    “The celebration should be for the one year old…who’s not gonna remember.” — Jen (02:02)

  • They joke about family getting as much out of the party as the kids, with talk of double cakes and messy fun.

3. Party Etiquette: To Invite Childless Friends or Not?

• Invitation Anxiety (03:37–06:25):

  • Bert worries about making friends without kids feel obligated to attend (possibly bored) versus unintentionally offending them if not invited.

    “I don’t want you to feel pressured into going, obligated. I also don’t want you to think I don’t want you there…” — Bert (04:29)

  • Katie shares a friend’s tongue-in-cheek invitation note, lightening expectations:

    “If you don’t want to attend, increase your gift price range by 20 bucks and we’ll forgive you. Also afterwards, I’m going out for beer and stronger drinks… you guys are all welcome to meet me there.” — Katie [Describing Jason’s invitation] (04:44–05:56)

4. Caller Perspectives: Support and Critique

• Amanda’s Sharp Critique (06:52–07:37):

  • Amanda calls out Bert for not prioritizing his child, likening him to a distant parent.

    “This is your child. It should be important too. Don’t be like your dad.” — Amanda (06:53)

  • The team reacts with humor but also separates Bert’s etiquette concerns from Amanda’s emotional assumptions.

    “She could call in with a comment, but she decided to do an over-the-top comment.” — Jen (08:21)

• Angela’s Balanced Approach (08:33–09:54):

  • Angela shares her own party experience: inviting all her friends but making it clear attendance isn’t required, especially for those without children.

    “You don’t have to come. I totally understand if you don’t. I will not be hurt at all. I know you love me and…I had a friend…who said, you know, I really have some other stuff to do…No problem, dude. I understand.” — Angela (08:33–09:12)

5. Party Industry Insights: How Big Do These Parties Get?

• Party Entertainer’s Perspective (09:55–11:02):
  • A children’s entertainer thanks Bert and Stacy for supporting the industry, describing the scale (and cost) of such parties.

    “$1,100 for a one hour pony and petting zoo is my top line.” — Party Entertainer (10:22)

  • Discussion reveals that parties for young children can range from a few hundred up to $10,000.

    “$10,000 for a one year old? Oh, stop it. I’m gonna throw up.” — Stacy (10:58–11:02)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Parental Compromise:
  “The things that mean something to her, be supportive, really important to her. So I just should have in the beginning just said, let's just do it.” — Bert (00:49)

• On Fairness in Parenting:
  “She didn't want to short him.” — Stacy (03:05)

• On Party Overload:
  “At some point I'm gonna go, look, enough is enough, but this is important to her.” — Burt (03:37)

• On Etiquette:
  “I have always been on the fence about inviting you guys to stuff like this. I want to invite you knowing it’s okay.” — Bert (04:10)

• On Gift Expectations (with humor):
  “If you don’t want to attend, increase your gift price range by 20 bucks and we’ll forgive you.” — Katie (04:44)

• On Children’s Birthday Party Industry:
  “Parents like you keep us in business.” — Party Entertainer (09:59) “$10,000 for a one year old? Oh, stop it. I’m gonna throw up.” — Stacy (10:58)

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Important Segments by Timestamp

| Segment | Topic | Speakers | Timestamp | |--------------------|--------------------------------------|-----------------------|---------------| | Lesson from past events | Bert’s view on couple showers and parties | Bert, Stacy | 00:00–00:49 | | This year’s party prep | Stacy’s plans and Bert’s doubts | Bert, Stacy, Katie | 01:13–02:54 | | Who’s the party for? | Children vs parents; fairness | Bert, Stacy, Jen | 02:57–03:37 | | Etiquette worries | Inviting friends without kids | Bert, Katie, Jen | 03:37–06:25 | | Amanda calls in | Critiquing Bert’s priorities | Amanda, Bert, Team | 06:52–07:37 | | Angela’s perspective | Invitations & no pressure | Angela, Bert, Team | 08:33–09:54 | | Party business insight | The economics of children’s parties | Party Entertainer, Bert| 09:55–11:02 |

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Tone and Style

The conversation is warm, authentic, and peppered with playful teasing and real-life honesty. The team brings humor to a potentially fraught topic, mixing lighthearted anecdotes with genuine talk about family, tradition, and friendship.

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Takeaways

• Many parents—often influenced by tradition or fairness—go all out for a child’s first birthday, even though the child won’t remember it.
• For spouses, sometimes supporting what matters to your partner means more than personal preference.
• When it comes to party invitations, honesty and lack of pressure are appreciated by friends without kids.
• Extravagant kid parties are big business, but also stir reflection on motives and meaning.
• The best approach, as highlighted by the listeners, is to make loved ones feel welcome, but never pressured or guilty for making their own choices.

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Transcript

[Burt]

The first show. I learned my lesson months and months and months ago. Do you remember when Stacy and I had that big fight on the radio when she wanted to do the baby shower thing, Couple shower, Couples baby shower thing. And I just am adamantly against those things. Adamantly against a guy. Like a woman making their man go to something like that. Because we have no interest in it at all. Right? I mean, adamantly against it. But she wanted to do that when Hollis was born. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no. I can't ask my friends to do this. No way. Couple shower for a baby. No guy wants to do that. Please don't put my friends through that. Well, we got in a big old argument about it and it brewed on the air. And what I learned from that is that that day right there for her was so much more important to me, I mean, to her than it was for me, that I just should have shut up, you know, I just should have liked.

[Stacy]

It's one of those give and take.

[Burt]

Things that's mean something to her, be supportive, really important to her. So I just should have in the beginning just said, let's just do it. So I learned my lesson there. And we've got another one coming up this weekend. Okay, so Hollis is turning 1 years old, and Stacy wants to throw this big old blowout for him. One year old. And I've always been one of those people that think that parties for one year olds are ridiculous.

[Stacy]

Now, did Hayden have one?

[Burt]

You know how my memory is.

[Katie]

Sure he did.

[Burt]

I'm sure he did.

[Katie]

I also know how Stacey is. He had a big old blowout for Hayden too.

[Burt]

I'm sure he grew up in family that celebrates, celebrate, celebrate these family type things. But I've seen the kind of celebration that we're looking at this weekend that I've always looked at and gone, well, it's not gonna happen in my house. Well, now it's happening in my house.

[Katie]

How's that working out for you?

[Burt]

So it's like, you know, she's hired this company to come on over, and there's a whole bunch of kids coming over and adults are coming over. It's gonna be a major blowout. It is encompassing two homes together. We are opening the fence between our house and our neighbor Mike's house. He's the best guy in the world. There's a pool over there and are.

[Stacy]

You gonna have a moonwalk?

[Burt]

She's bringing in the whole deal.

[Stacy]

Nice.

[Burt]

She's bringing in the deal for a one year old. Go Ahead, say what you want.

[Jen]

Well, I mean, I had the same thing. I don't want to be disrespectful, but I mean, the celebration should be for the one year old and who's not gonna remember? I mean, to me you get two cakes. You get the one cake for the family to celebrate and then the other cake is for the. For Hollis to rip right through it and make a mess.

[Burt]

Now there are some side parties also. Like my mom's birthday is coming up also. So we're sort of like mixing it all together. Mixing them all together. But the gist of it really is the party for our one year old, Hollis. I have the same kind of thought that you do. But I realized this is important to Stacey. So for my reasons of being uncomfortable, putting on a party like this are inconsequential. It's important to Stacy. That's what she wants. So she's hiring this company to come on in and it's gonna be bells and whistles and moonwalks and it's gonna be. It's gonna be crazy, right? It's gonna be.

[Katie]

You're one of those families.

[Stacy]

I want to jump on the moonwalk.

[Burt]

I am in one of those families.

[Stacy]

The thing though is that she did it for Hayden. I mean, if Hayden had it, she wants her second son to have the same thing.

[Jen]

I agree with that.

[Burt]

Well, this one is.

[Stacy]

She didn't want to short him.

[Burt]

I'll tell you, this one is going to be. If we had one for Hayden for his first birthday, it's nothing like this one's going to be.

[Stacy]

It was dress rehearsal for Hollis.

[Burt]

They are bringing in a company to do. She's finally.

[Jen]

The younger kid gets the bigger party.

[Katie]

I know you've probably been told this.

[Stacy]

Now you support it.

[Jen]

Now I support it.

[Katie]

You might want to get a part time job.

[Burt]

I know.

[Katie]

And I've like you think the first birthday party. What about like 16?

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Katie]

When they each get their brand new Range Rover Hummer.

[Jen]

Well, whatever's big.

[Stacy]

What, they're gonna be driving Hummers?

[Burt]

No, no, we won't be that family. I mean, at some point I'm gonna go look that enough is enough, but this is important to her. So if it's just a big party with moon bounces and all that for a one year old who won't remember it. It's okay. That's what she wants to do. Okay, so here really is my etiquette question and I sort of brought it up to you guys earlier this morning. Is that when I was When I didn't have kids and I would get invited to parties like this for children, I didn't want to be there. It was four hours of torture. But we were invited. And you wanted to show respect to your friend who has a child, so you would go and attend. So I have always been on the fence about inviting to you guys to stuff like this, and I haven't on this one, but I want to invite you knowing that it's okay.

[Jen]

And Jen's already there, but she's been excited at the moonwalk since you mentioned it.

[Burt]

I want you guys. I don't like, I'm not exactly sure what protocol is here. Like, I don't want you to feel pressured into going obligated. I also don't want you to think I don't want you there, right? So I want you there knowing that you're gonna be bored.

[Katie]

Well, my friend Jason sent out a really cool thing with the invite. It was a letter, it was photocopied, it was typed, and he hand signed it. But it basically said, all right, here's a deal to my friends without kids and my single guy friends who my wife made me send this invite to. You're invited to this because it's a party and we want to celebrate any occasion with the people that you love. But it's also a five year old's birthday party, so there's going to be a bunch of ankle biters running around being pains in the ass. So if you want to attend, that's great. The recommended gift price range is 20 to $30. If you don't want to attend, increase your gift price range by 20 bucks and we'll forgive you. Also afterwards, I'm going out for beer and stronger drinks at such and such place and you guys are all welcome to meet me there. Thanks a lot, Jason. And it was real, like it was written so tongue in cheek that, I mean, I'm sure there's some people who read it and took offense to it because they thought that, you know, the dollar. But if you knew him, it was written so tongue in cheek. And it was so funny that you're like, that's cool. And you knew it was even going to be a fun party. So everybody just kind of went anyways and they could go with the excuse of, well, you know, I didn't want to get stuffed for paying the more expensive gift. And everybody went at the end of the party and then left with him. And they actually went to Rio Grande and sat on the patio like I.

[Burt]

Think most parents Are. Well, no, I don't want to say that. What? Were you gonna say it?

[Katie]

No, you say it.

[Burt]

No, I was gonna say parents. Some parents. I think that there is a. There's a consciousness there that you should invite everybody. But I know that there's this weird, like if I don't go, they're gonna see it as signs of disrespect and if I. But if I do go, I'm gonna be bored out of my mind for five hours. So I just want to let you all know you're invited. I'll bring in formal invitations for you tomorrow if you don't come. I understand. It's cool right here.

[Stacy]

Any hot single guys?

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Stacy]

Over the heat of one.

[Katie]

Oh, okay. You're going to be picky. All of a sudden your single girl is going to be all particular about who he introduced her to.

[Burt]

It was a 43 year old guy yesterday and it's a one year old today.

[Stacy]

Oh, man.

[Burt]

Hey, Amanda, Good morning. You're on. She 100.

[Jen]

She's kind of right in between. Her age is right in between the two of you.

[Katie]

If she averages 24, she's doing great. Okay, you go ahead.

[Angela]

Okay.

[Amanda]

This is your child. It should be important too. Don't be like your dad.

[Burt]

Oh, now where did that come from?

[Katie]

What the hell?

[Amanda]

Like, I wouldn't say what the hell.

[Burt]

I wouldn't say no party. But what I would say is more of a subsequent.

[Amanda]

Your kid's gonna grow up just thinking, oh my dad don't care.

[Burt]

That is not.

[Amanda]

A birthday party for your one year old. You should be celebrating that God gave you that year, but instead you're wanting to whine and complain about it and that's wrong.

[Stacy]

Let her go.

[Burt]

Okay, what? Should I just let it go.

[Stacy]

Just let her go.

[Katie]

Hold on. I just want to. Oh my gosh.

[Stacy]

Let it go because is there trying to be critical for no reason?

[Burt]

Is there something. I didn't relate. Did I relate something improperly to you? Like I'm not. No, I'm not for not celebrating the party, but the over the top one year old party to me is just. It would not be something that I would do.

[Jen]

She brought up your dad. Damn.

[Katie]

Well, she was obviously trying to call Hannity yesterday to bitch about Hillary Clinton and couldn't get through. So she just had that anger and she's like, I'm calling some radio show. I don't know what it is.

[Stacy]

I just don't think that she really listened to what you were saying because you were talking about the ETIQUETTE of inviting friends that don't have kids. Your friends with kids are coming over and they're bringing the whole family and you guys are gonna bounce on the hippity hot shit.

[Burt]

Absolutely.

[Stacy]

Everybody's gonna have a great time. Your question was about inviting friends who don't have children and would they feel obligated? I don't think she really listened.

[Katie]

No.

[Stacy]

That's all right.

[Jen]

Well, now here's the thing.

[Katie]

She said it sweet and kind.

[Jen]

No, here's the thing is, you know, Bird talks about a party for Hollis or an over the top party, right. She could call in with a comment, but she decided to do an over the top comment.

[Burt]

There you go.

[Jen]

There you go.

[Burt]

So she's in the same position.

[Katie]

Yes.

[Burt]

Good morning, chandra. You're on Q100.

[Angela]

Hi, Bert. I just had my son's first birthday party this past weekend and we invited everyone. And I told my friends who don't have children that I've been there, done that. You don't have to come. I totally understand if you don't. I will not be hurt at all. I know you love me and I know you love my kid, but spending your Saturday afternoon evening at a birthday party with 1 year olds up to like 6 year olds is not everybody's cup of tea.

[Burt]

Exactly.

[Angela]

So don't feel bad. No gift, no problem. Don't come. I'm not hurt at all. Because it was 65 people, like she 25 kids.

[Amanda]

It was crazy.

[Angela]

And I had a friend, a coworker and a good friend who said, you know, I really have some other stuff to do. I was like, no problem, dude. I understand.

[Stacy]

I do feel like you'd have to get the flu vaccine before going over there.

[Burt]

Yeah, there's going to be some snot flowing for sure.

[Stacy]

Well, he talks about creep me out a little bit.

[Jen]

He talks about the etiquette and Katie is screaming in her radio right now. Take the invitation. There's children there.

[Burt]

I want to be there.

[Jen]

Don't be your dad.

[Katie]

Just. Just for Katie Jo's sake. When Burt was talking about inviting you all, he was referring to the interns because he knows that we're all busy this weekend.

[Burt]

Do you want to be there?

[Jen]

I'm out of town this weekend though.

[Burt]

What a lucky break.

[Jen]

I mean, literally I am. But Katie's probably going now. We can change our plans because there's going to be children running around everywhere.

[Stacy]

This will be awesome.

[Burt]

Hey, Angela, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[Party Entertainer]

Good morning.

[Burt]

Good morning.

[Party Entertainer]

I just want to thank you as As a person in the business of the party entertainment business, children's entertainment business, I want to thank you for allowing Stacy to do this blowout. Parents like you keep us in business.

[Burt]

I know we do. I know we do. What's the most expensive party that you have ever thrown?

[Katie]

Too competitive that you do not want her to know the answer to this.

[Burt]

For somebody under the age of five years old.

[Party Entertainer]

Oh. Majority of my larger dollar clients are under under five. And again, I do especially niche type entertainment. I don't do the whole gig. I've had eleven hundred dollar job. I do pony rides in petting zoos and $1100 for a one hour pony and petting zoo is my top line.

[Burt]

Eleven hundred? Oh, I've heard of them going way more up.

[Jen]

Well, she was saying that she just has one niche service within the big party.

[Stacy]

But the overall grand total of a party like that would probably be what, five? Five.

[Burt]

Some could go even higher than that. $10,000 I think.

[Stacy]

$10,000 for a one year old?

[Burt]

Yes. Man.

[Stacy]

Oh, stop it. I'm gonna throw up.

[Burt]

Me too. The first show.