Vault: Are You Babying Your Kids Too Much?

Summary

---

The Bert Show: Vault – Are You Babying Your Kids Too Much?

Episode Date: February 11, 2026
Featured Hosts/Cast: Bert, Intern Carl, Jen, Melissa, Cassie, Tommy, and Callers

---

Overview

This episode dives into the tensions modern parents face when balancing nurturing and fostering independence. The team debates whether today's children are being coddled and "babied" too much, potentially leaving them unprepared for life's real-world hardships. The discussion mixes laughs, personal stories, and listener calls—proving every parent struggles to find that sweet spot between protection and growth.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Are We Coddling Our Kids?

• Catalyst: An article on "weak" children sparks the debate.

• Bert and Intern Carl confess ongoing battles with their wives over whether they're too tough or too tender with their kids.

  "It's probably the single biggest argument... me feeling like she's babying him and she thinking that I come down too hard.”
  — Bert [01:48]

• The idea that removing competition (everyone wins) is part of the coddling trend is highlighted:

  "We don't want them to experience competition because we don't want somebody to feel bad if they win or lose."
  — Intern Carl [01:26]

2. Real-Life Parenting Conflicts

• Bert describes trying to teach his son Hayden to stand up for himself vs. his wife’s preference for conflict avoidance:

  "If you push me, I'm gonna push you back. If you take my stuff, you can't take my stuff. Where Stacy is, avoid a fight at all costs.”
  — Bert [03:58]

• Example of chores: Hayden made "help mommy shop" a chore, showing how parental influence shapes perceptions of responsibility.

  “Help mommy shop, man. What kind of chore is that?”
  — Bert [05:54]

• Intern Carl discusses the nuances of “doing hair” and gendered expectations, underscoring how parents tune into different things:

  “We just have our ears up more so for... just too feminine things.”
  — Intern Carl [07:01]

3. Teaching Toughness and Responsibility

• Team Consensus: It’s not just boys that need resilience; girls do too.

  "You have to prepare men and women for the world because women are competing, women are playing sports. Women need to know how to win and lose."
  — Jen [04:37]

• Cultural expectations about standing up for oneself ("Don't start it, but always finish it") are shared, with hosts agreeing both boys and girls need grit.

  “If you can't stand up for yourself in a fight... I'm not a big fan of weak women as well as weak men.”
  — Cassie [07:06]

4. Listener Experiences

• Crystal (Caller): Raises two sensitive boys and finds that encouraging them to help others stand up was more effective than just encouraging them to defend themselves.

  “Once I explained to him that he needed to stand up for other people... that's what worked for him.”
  — Crystal [09:11]

• Sharona (Caller): Let her son handle a bully on his own, acting as backup instead of intervening directly.

  “I was a backup, you know, and my child said... get out of my way!”
  — Sharona [12:03]

5. The Long-Term Impact of Overparenting

• Overprotective parenting (“over mommying”) can hinder independence, delay basic milestones, and promote long-term dependency.

  “You can tell people who were overly mothered as adults because there’s still that dependency.”
  — Cassie [13:02]

• The hosts cite research showing "helicopter" parenting leads to poor coping skills in college—kids unable to meet challenges on their own.

  “Most of the kids that were dropping out were raised by these helicopter parents... they couldn't handle it anymore.”
  — Bert [13:18]

6. Scrapes, Bruises, and Building Resilience

• Kids need real physical and emotional bumps to develop coping skills.

  “You gotta let them get cut. You gotta let him have a scab, you gotta let him have a scar, you gotta let him have a broken arm.”
  — Cassie [13:57]

• Reactions from parents to mishaps can reinforce resilience or anxiety:

  “Some of my friends, when their kids fall down, they go 'Safe!'"
  — Jen [14:47]

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• [01:48] Bert:
  “It's probably the single biggest argument... is me feeling like she's babying him and she thinking that I come down too hard on him.”

• [03:58] Bert:
  “If you push me, I'm gonna push you back... Where Stacy is, avoid a fight at all costs.”

• [05:54] Bert:
  “Help mommy shop, man. What kind of chore is that?”

• [07:06] Cassie:
  “I'm not a big fan of weak women as well as weak men.”

• [09:11] Crystal (Caller):
  “Once I explained to him that he needed to stand up for other people... that's what worked for him.”

• [12:03] Sharona (Caller):
  “I was a backup, you know, and my child said... get out of my way!”

• [13:18] Bert:
  “Most of the kids that were dropping out were raised by these helicopter parents... they couldn't handle it anymore.”

---

Important Timestamps

• 01:14 – Discussion kicks off: Article about raising "weak" kids.
• 03:57 – Bert’s story about playground conflict.
• 05:03 – Earning rewards and parental influence: chores example.
• 09:11 – Caller Crystal’s story of her sensitive son.
• 12:03 – Caller Sharona’s story of letting her son confront a bully.
• 13:18 – Effects of helicopter parenting.
• 13:57 – The value of physical “battle scars” in childhood.
• 14:47 – Parenting reactions to kids’ accidents.

---

Conclusion

The episode provides a balanced, candid exploration of the pressures and pitfalls of modern parenting, with a mix of genuine concern, humor, and empathy. The prevailing message: Raising tough, resilient kids requires both nurturing and letting go—sometimes, you have to let them stumble so they’re ready for life’s challenges.

Transcript

[A]

The holidays are expensive. You're paying for gifts, travel, decorations, food, and before you know it, you've blown way past what you were planning to spend. Don't start the new year off with bad money vibes. Download Rocket Money to stay on top of your finances. The app pulls your income, expenses and upcoming charges into one place so you can get the clearest picture of your money. It shows how much to set aside for bills and how much is safe to spend for the month so you can spend with confidence, no guesswork needed. Get alerts before bills hit, track budgets and see every subscription you're paying for. Rocket Money also finds extra ways to save you money by canceling subscriptions you're not using and negotiating lower bills for you. On average, Rocket Money users can save up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. Start the year off right by taking control of your finances. Go to rocketmoney.com cancel to get started. That's rocketmoney.com cancel rocketmoney.com cancel my Amex Blue Cash Everyday Card is my go to accessory. When I shop, I can earn 3% cash back on US online retail purchases. Try on the Blue Cash Everyday Card. Learn more@American Express.com Explore BCE terms and cash back Cap.

[B]

Apply the Bird Show Melissa pointed out an email or an article to me yesterday that hit close to home because me and intern Carl were talking about this very thing just a couple weeks ago.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, it's an article about how weak. We'll just say how weak our children have become because it's almost like we're coddling, we're too protective. We don't want our children to, you know, experience anything. Too bad. It's to the point sometimes where we don't want them to experience competition because we don't want somebody to feel bad if they win or lose. So it's a whole article about just how weak our kids are getting and how weak our young songs are getting.

[B]

It's probably the single biggest argument or the most often argument that my wife and I have most often with our five year old Hayden is me feeling like she's babying him and she thinking that I come down too hard on him or I push him too hard. In turn, Carl going through the same thing.

[D]

Yeah, I go through the same thing. I have a five year old boy too and I also have two girls, so it's three women in the house. My wife spends a lot of time with my son because I'm always at work or whatnot. And so I'm always going through that. She's doing real good. It's took a long. She's come a long way. But when he was first born, it's just a. It's always a power struggle.

[B]

It's a tough world out there. And I don't know what the compromise is, but it's tough, you know? And I think we're raising this kid, and I think Hayden is a really sensitive kid, and I want him to have that, but I also want him to be able to turn on a switch if he needs to, to stick up for himself. And I'm just not seeing. And the bottom line is he gets to spend a hell of a lot more time with Stacy during the day because she stays home with the kids than I do. So he's got more hint of her influence and we just can't see eye to eye on it, man. And I don't know what the compromise is.

[D]

Hey, we need to have a vent, me and you, bro. We need to have a venting of him. We just need to vent, man. Because my kid's the exact same way now. He takes after his mom, which is. She's real. She's a sensitive lady. And my son is like that. So I'm just always at him, you know? Cause like you said, man, it's a crude, cold world out here. And, you know, you just want to make sure your son is ready to handle all the ignorance that Don Mommy has put towards him.

[E]

Well, I want to be able to ask you about the difference between your son and your daughter, because I think you'd have to prepare all of them. And I know it's more acceptable for a girl, you know, for, you know, we gotta teach our boys to be strong, but I think you gotta teach all of them to be strong. But as a non parent, can you give us a space specific example of what you're talking about?

[B]

You mean where we struggle on him being selfish?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

I thought the argument would be over.

[B]

Okay, well, one is how to handle when other kids are, like, pushing Hayden around.

[E]

So he's on the playground.

[B]

He's on the playground. Somebody's taking his stuff or whatever. I have tried to teach him that. You warn the kid that, look, if you push me, I'm gonna push you back. If you take my stuff, you can't take my stuff where Stacy is. Avoid a fight at all costs.

[E]

Let it go.

[B]

Let it go. That would be one thing. Even in smaller things also, like the way that he competes. Like we had this Talk a couple of weeks ago. I want to teach Hayden how to be a good loser. Sometimes I let him win, sometimes he's got to lose. She believes he's got to win all the time. You got to build his confidence. And I'm like, no, sir, you're not.

[D]

Going to win every time, buddy.

[E]

Right.

[C]

Well, and I agree with Jim because, well, I think that there's an idea that all women feel that way, which I don't think all women feel that way, you know, about how they all want their sons to be sensor, whatever. I do think that you have to prepare men and women for the world because women are competing, women are playing sports. Women need to know how to win and lose. And women also need to know too, because girls pick fights too. And women need to be able to say, I'm gonna kick your butt if you, if you touch me one more time.

[B]

Let me give you another great example. Here's another great example. So I'm trying to teach him now. If he wants something really badly, he's gotta start doing chores for it. I mean, he's five and a half years old now, so it's. Now it's time. So he wanted this speed racer steering wheel that makes all sorts of like screechy brake noise sounds if you move it to the left. And you can hear it accelerate if you move it to the right. And he was stoked about it. He'd been watching Disney and they force feed that. He had to have it. He had to have it, dad, I gotta have it. So I'm like, okay, if you really want this, here is a list of five things that you can do around the house. Or let's put together a list of five things that you can do in order to earn that right. So I leave the house and I come back and one of the chores that he has written on his list is help mommy shop, man. What kind of chore is that? Help mommy shop. So mommy went shopping and Hayden like held the bag or something like that and they went store to store. And I'm like, no, it's about picking up the trash. It's about, you know, cleaning his toys.

[E]

Putting his room back together.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

And you know what? I got one too.

[E]

My wife, she thinks she's just too soft on him.

[B]

All way too soft.

[D]

And that's a real good example because.

[B]

Help mommy shop my son, man.

[D]

Like my wife, she combs the hair in the morning, gets them all together for the most part. Because I'm out real early. I came to the house, my Son one day said, daddy, are you gonna do my hair? I said, do your hair? You mean like a hairdo? Do your hair? That's the term my wife uses. Come here, Priya. That's my daughter's name. Let me do your hair. I said, no, buddy, you don't use that term. Let me. You gotta comb your hair, brush your hair or pick your hair. You don't do your hair. You know, just certain things. And the thing is, the thing is, dad, we have our ears up on these type of things. You know, like my wife, she had no idea. Oh, I didn't know.

[E]

Do.

[D]

I didn't know. Just like Jen and Melissa looking at me crazy. As far as.

[B]

What difference does it make if he does his hair?

[E]

His hair? I don't know he's going to do.

[D]

His hair, but I just think that we just have our ears up more so for.

[E]

For, you know, just two feminine things.

[D]

Exactly.

[B]

It's not even feminine things to me. It's just things to make him more firm.

[C]

Well, yeah. I think the thing that bothers me is more so than that semantics is just the whole idea of the winning, losing thing and the discipline and not taking responsibility for actions and not being able to stand up for yourself. I don't think there's anything worse than. And I do think that stereotypically it's guys, but I think it's girls too. I mean, I'm not a big fan of weak women as well as weak men, but if you can't stand up for yourself in a fight and as a kid and, and a lot of people don't feel, you know, fighting is wrong, whatever. But you know what? You get into scuffles. And if, you know, because in our house it was, don't start the fight, but you always finish that fight. And it was girl or boy, we.

[E]

Had to do that.

[B]

And there's so many things, I think.

[E]

Bullying and stuff now. I mean, you hear about it all the time that kids are so mean. I mean, we were mean in middle school, but I think that they're even more mean now.

[B]

It also, and this is probably unique to young boys also, but I'm a little sensitive to. He's a small kid. I mean, I'm 5 4. His mom is 5 1. He's never going to be a tall kid. And you could start to see it now in his class how much smaller he is. And it is tough for smaller kids. They get picked on first. It's just like survival of the. And if you're a good athlete, that's sort of the great equalizer. And in looking at my kid right now, that's not his strong point. So I'm trying to teach him that there are going to be times where kids are going to pick on you just because you're the smallest and there's something that you got to do about it. And his mom is like, let's negotiate. Let's have an embargo. Embargoes don't work.

[E]

Sit down and have a talk about it.

[B]

Good morning, John, you're on Q100. Yellow. John, good morning. Crystal, you're on Q100.

[F]

Hi. Good morning, Virtue.

[B]

Good morning.

[F]

I'm actually. I was a single mom for five years, and I had two boys. They were 1 and 3 when I got divorced. And I just got remarried last October, and they're 6 and 8. And I had to be so overly sensitive about. I didn't want my kids to be mommied. Like, I wanted them to be strong and be boys and be able to go out there and not have a mom that babied them and everything else. But my younger son, who's 6, is one of those really sensitive types. And I had to teach him that, you know, he would not stand up for himself on the playground or anything else. And it got to the point where it was like, once I explained to him that he needed to stand up for other people. That's what worked for him. Like, he was very, very good about, you know. Now if you see somebody else getting picked on because he is that sensitive kid, then he'll want. Then he'll totally stand up for them and be aggressive and everything like that. Because to him, it was a pause.

[C]

I think you bring up a great point. Because I do think for dads, too, you have to know what you're working with. Because I don't think that a sensitive man is a sensitive man just because he's around his mom a lot. I think some men just genetically or whatever are sensitive types. And I think for some fathers, you can do some damage by being too hard. Like, there's a. I mean, it's gotta be tough for dads. Cause there's a delicate balance of not being hard enough and then being too hard. And I think what, you know, she knew what she was. She had a child and she recognized she had to work differently with that particular child. You know, it may not work with every kid to say you have to stand up for other people, but for hers it did. So I do think for some dads, you are too tough without the women having nothing to do with it, you know?

[D]

Yeah, I totally agree with that. Because just knowing you really have to get to know your chat, your son if you're going to be that type of dad, because it's definitely a balance. And like. And for what you said, my daughters, they're not the sensitive type. My daughters, you know, they. If you take something from them, they may swing on you, you know, they're not that tight, you know. Oh, yeah, they're just not having it. But my son, you know, he's a little bit more, you know, more easygoing, and so, you know, he's just more sensitive. So that's why I'm just at him all the time.

[B]

Good morning, Sharona. You're on Q100.

[G]

Good morning.

[C]

Hey.

[G]

Hi. I am a single mom as well, and I just wanted to tell you a story that happened at an indoor playground. I'm not going to name the restaurant, but my child came running to me, and he. He was. He's a boy, and he's, I think, three at the time. And he said, mommy, you know, some little boy's not letting me up the stairs. He was, you know, complaining. And, you know, it's hard for me as well, being a single mom, and I don'. Have a male influence. His dad is not involved in the picture at all. And so I said, well, what you do is you go up to him and you just tell him to get out of your way. And he said, well, he's, you know, really, really big boy. So I went and I watched, and he started walking up the stairs, and I said, go ahead, tell him. And he. He looked at him, and the kid looked at him and kind of shoved him. And I just stood there. I didn't say a word. And I just watched my son. I was, like, there for the muscle. I was a backup, you know, and my child said. He said, get out of my. And the little boy was so taken aback, he just. He got out of the way, and my son shoved past him and went walking on up.

[B]

It's like your proudest moment right now.

[G]

He says, I don't mind main bullies. He said, mommy. He said, if they hit me one time, I'm gonna hit them back.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah. And I think it was probably smart for her to stand back instead of being the mom and rushing up to.

[E]

Him, because I think the result of over mommying is hard to reverse. You know, I mean, there are a lot of kids that are over mommied, and they're, like, not potty trained. For super, super long times. I don't know. I just think that there's like, there's really long term effects of that. You know, kids not being able to spend the night at a friend's house by the time they're in the fourth grade because they've never been away from mom and dad or. You know what I'm saying? So it, like the over mommying early is gonna have. Or over parenting, I guess I should say. But it does seem to have a tendency to be more the moms. But I'm sure there are dads that do it too. But it's just got longer term effects. I mean, I remember being a kid and having people that couldn't come for sleepovers or whatever because they had to be at home with their mom.

[C]

Well, I. I mean, that has effects as adults. You can tell people. I mean, we talk about mama's boys all the time, but you can tell people who were overly mothered as adults because there's still that dependency on something. And then sometimes they translate it from their mom to you.

[B]

This article that Melissa sent me yesterday was from an author of a woman that wrote a book. And her research was done because she had kids that were in college and. And she noticed all these college kids couldn't cope with what was going on in school, and she started doing research on exactly why. And it turned out that most of the kids that were dropping out were raised by these helicopter parents that were always on top of them and always just sort of like making sure everything was okay. Making sure they were in a league where there were no winners and no losers and the playing field was even for everybody. The kids got out in the real world. They were two semesters at Tennessee and they couldn't handle it anymore.

[E]

Right, right.

[C]

And you know, one of the things they also talk about are just like scrapes and bruises. Like a kid that's growing up with no cuts, no broken arms, no anything. Are these. These adults that just are unable to handle situations like Bert said? And it is. I mean, you gotta let them get cut. You gotta let him have a scab, you gotta let him have a scar, you gotta let him have a broken arm. You got.

[E]

I mean, and it's like the reactions to those things too. Cause I have lots of friends that are young parents or whatever, and some of them will, you know, run over and, oh my gosh, she just fell and take care of her, whatever. Other ones are just like, clap. And they're like, good job, yay.

[B]

The most stressed out, you'll ever be as a parent is watching your kid on a playground. Cause it's so dangerous. But you gotta let them fall off the monkey bars. You gotta let them fall off those things. And you can see it happening before it happens. Oh, yeah, go ahead, take your lumps, boy. But here it comes.

[E]

Some of my friends, when their kids fall down, they go safe.

[A]

The bird show.