Vault: Are You Married To Your Soulmate?

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: Are You Married To Your Soulmate?
Date: December 16, 2025
Host: Bert & Melissa, with callers
Podcast: The Bert Show by Pionaire Podcasting

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Overview

This emotionally intense episode of The Bert Show explores the provocative question: Are you married to your soulmate? The hosts open the phones to listeners who candidly share stories about being in long-term marriages while feeling an undeniable soul connection with someone else. The discussion navigates feelings of longing, marital commitment, the notion of “the one,” and whether soulmates are real or a dangerous romantic myth. The hosts, Bert and Melissa, thoughtfully probe their callers and each other, digging into love, loyalty, infidelity, and the very nature of soul connections.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Soulmate” Philosophy (01:03–02:12)

• Bert introduces the core topic: Is there only one perfect person for each of us?
  • “If you’re not with that one person, that’s sad because there’s somebody else out there better. Now: is anybody willing to admit that?” (01:03)
• The philosophical dilemma is set: Are many people married to someone who isn’t their “soulmate”?

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2. Caller Stories: Torn Hearts & Real-Life Dilemmas

Caller 1: Married 17 Years, Soulmate Discovered Later (01:33–08:53)

• Caller 1 admits openly: “Absolutely. I’m married to someone who’s not my soulmate.” (01:33)
• Shares meeting her “soulmate” 4 years ago, well into her marriage:
  • “As soon as I met him I knew he was the one... He did something deep inside that just blew my mind.” (01:36)
• She describes immediate, almost spiritual connection, not mere infatuation.
• Melissa challenges her: Is this genuine, or just marital boredom? (02:12)
• Caller insists her marriage was good, but this “soul touch” was unique.
• Admits to having an affair with her “soulmate.” The relationship didn’t continue, out of respect for her family.
  • “I have to do what I have to do. But it’s torture no matter what.” (03:52)
• Empathy check: Bert reflects on the devastation if the roles were reversed.
• Melissa asks how she’d want her husband to handle the same situation:
  • “I would be crushed... but since it’s happened to me... I’d want him to be happy, and I’d understand it.” (04:38)
• Bert and Melissa emphasize there’s “no defense” against a true soulmate, but question the logic and emotional impact.
• Melissa voices skepticism about “soulmate” theory:
  • “The danger is... not taking responsibility… Some people with this theory disregard the people they’re with.” (06:25)
  • Critiques the expectation that soulmate relationships require no work.
• Caller 1 suggests many are “incapable” of spiritual connection, but for some, “sometimes you’re too sensitive for your own good.”
  • “I wish I didn’t feel the things that I did, but when someone touches your soul… you know.” (07:19)
• Bert thanks her for her vulnerability. (08:49)

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Caller 2: Emotional Fidelity (08:55–16:10)

• Caller 2 (voice disguised), married 6 years, also claims to have found her soulmate while already married.
  • “It’s not something you’re capable of understanding unless it happened to you.”* (09:01)
• Met her soulmate at work; have never been physically unfaithful, despite deep, mutual feelings.
  • “We’ve discussed it… and decided we’re married, we have children, it’s not fair… We were married for better or for worse.” (10:55)
• Bert asks if they’ve discussed the soulmate connection openly:
  • “He thinks you’re his soulmate as well?” “Oh, yeah.”* (10:59)
• She experiences longing, particularly when emotional needs aren’t met at home:
  • “Sometimes when I’m with my husband… I think about this man.” (11:07)
• Melissa challenges whether soulmates must be intimate partners and questions fate: Wouldn’t the universe have put you together? (11:31)
• Caller has deep emotional intimacy with her soulmate:
  • “I share every intimate detail of my life with this man.” (11:53)
• Bert brings up the concept of an “emotional affair.” (12:18)
  • “What you’re doing is almost as betraying as sleeping with somebody else… that, to me, is a form of infidelity.” (13:04)
• Melissa flips the scenario: How would you feel if your husband was thinking of another woman? (13:16)
• Caller 2 emphasizes this wasn’t about seeking something missing, but a spontaneous connection.
  • “It just kind of happens.” (13:29)
• Bert and Melissa discuss the agony of temptation and the “grass is greener” phenomenon:
  • “It would be torturous if you actually found the thing you thought was perfect and couldn’t have it.” (14:20)
  • “It’d be interesting to know if these soulmates would have been soulmates if they met outside their marriage.” (14:47)
• Caller 2 wishes she’d met her soulmate first. (14:54)
• Melissa: Questions our arrogance in knowing what’s perfect for us, and whether soulmates are always meant to be partners.
• Bert inquires if she once felt her husband was “the one.”
• Caller 2: “I think I did, until I experienced this man. It’s a totally different thing.” (15:42)

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3. Host Reflections & Philosophical Debates

• Temptation and Boundaries:
  “If I truly was in her situation and working with that person every day, I’d try to find another job.” — Melissa (16:13)
• Rationalizations: Bert wonders if people justify seeking a soulmate as a way to excuse infidelity or dissatisfaction.
• Cynicism vs. Romantic Idealism:
  Bert: “Maybe we’re just cynical.” (16:57)
• Broader questions:
  • Would a soulmate remain a soulmate after 17 years together?
  • Are soulmates an arrogant human construct?
  • Is the longing itself what makes these feelings so strong?

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Caller 1: “He did something to my soul. He did something deep inside that just blew my mind.” (01:36)
• Melissa: “The danger in the theory of a soulmate is... not taking responsibility... Some people with the soulmate theory, they totally disregard the person they’re with.” (06:25)
• Caller 1: “When someone touches your soul, if you try to describe that… they look at you like you have four heads.” (07:19)
• Caller 2: “It’s not something you’re capable of understanding unless it happened to you.” (09:01)
• Bert: “What you’re doing is almost as betraying as sleeping with somebody else... that, to me, is a form of infidelity.” (13:04)
• Melissa: “If you knew your husband was laying there with you thinking about another woman, how would you feel?” (13:16)
• Caller 2: “I wish I would have met this man before I met my husband.” (14:47)
• Melissa: “There’s no waste in the universe... Whatever you’re doing right now, you were meant to do it, or you wouldn’t be doing it.” (15:19)
• Caller 2: “I think I did [think my husband was the one] until I experienced this man. It’s a totally different thing.” (15:42)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:03: Intro to “soulmate” philosophy and show call-in topic
• 01:33–08:53: Caller 1: Admits being married but not to soulmate; affair; pain; empathy discussion
• 06:25–08:49: Melissa’s critique of soulmate theory and emotional responsibility
• 08:55–16:10: Caller 2: Emotional soulmate at work; handling temptation; emotional fidelity; philosophical debate
• 13:04–15:19: Bert and Melissa challenge the “soulmate” narrative, emotional affairs, and what fate means
• 16:13–16:57: Host reflections on temptation and what happens after the soulmate fantasy fades

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Tone and Style

The conversation is frank, compassionate, and probing. The hosts maintain a balance between empathy and skepticism, while callers provide raw, heartfelt perspectives. Through vulnerability, debate, and healthy cynicism, the cast delves into the complexities of love, loyalty, and what it means to yearn for a soulmate.

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Summary prepared for listeners seeking a detailed account of this episode’s debates, emotions, and philosophical quandaries.

Transcript

[Bert]

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[Caller 1]

Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line. But first. Ah, there, the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

[Bert]

The bird show. The philosophy is, okay, there's one soulmate, one perfect person. Your hearts were meant to be together and if you're not with that one person, that's sad because that means in reality you're married to somebody that is not the best person for you to be married to because there's somebody else out there. Better now, is anybody willing to admit that? Morning all the hits Q100 hey, how are you guys? Good. Doing okay. Are you married to somebody that you are sure is not your soulmate?

[Caller 1]

Absolutely.

[Bert]

Really? Tell us about it.

[Caller 1]

I've been married 17 years. I have four kids and I met this person four years ago and I met him through a group of people. And as soon as I met him I knew he was the one. Not the kind of person that believes in that kind of thing, but I had to go into the bathroom and sit on the toilet and take a deep breath and I knew that I'd never met this guy in my life. And he did something to my soul. He did something deep inside that just blew my mind.

[Melissa]

Now you said that you met him about four years ago. So that's about what, 14 years into your marriage?

[Caller 1]

Uh huh.

[Melissa]

And so, you know, just kind of being on the opposite side of the coin. Are you sure this is not just some kind of infatuation because you're bored with your marriage?

[Caller 1]

Well, that's what, you know, that's what my girlfriend said. And you know, since then, you know, we tried to stay away from each other and that kind of thing because it's wrong. But now, you know. Was I bored in my marriage? No, my marriage was fine. I mean, you know, I've known my husband for 18 years or so and we're very compatible. And you know, I loved him, but when I met somebody that did that to me, I knew that. That no one's ever touched my soul like that. And I've met many other people since then and nobody has ever had that kind of effect on me.

[Bert]

That's Gotta be torture for you.

[Caller 1]

It's terrible. It's absolutely terrible.

[Melissa]

Now, you said you tried not to see each other. Did you see each other?

[Caller 1]

We saw each other. And because I was married, you know, we just. We couldn't. I mean, he just had issues with the situation.

[Bert]

Sure, I can understand that.

[Melissa]

So you're saying you had an affair with him?

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Bert]

You did. See, I think I'm trying to put my. Myself in your position, and it's impossible to empathize with you. But I think if I know that I actually know who my soulmate is, but I'm not married to that person, I would, in my mind, have to say that person is dead to me. Like, I would have to totally eliminate any kind of contact whatsoever because it would be torturous.

[Caller 1]

It's torturous no matter what. It just kills my insides. Absolutely kills my insides. But my family and my children are the most important thing to me, and I have to do what I have to do. But it's torture no matter what. It's terrible. Absolutely terrible.

[Melissa]

What if your husband had. Just out of curiosity, if your husband had come to you and said that he had met who he thinks is his soulmate and that you're not it, how would you want him to handle that?

[Bert]

Oh, God, that would crush me.

[Caller 1]

Crush me. Well, you know, one. Because.

[Bert]

Here I am being crushed right before your eyes.

[Melissa]

I meant so.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

So how would. How would you want him to handle. Like, I'm just curious. From the.

[Caller 1]

If it never happened to me, I would be crushed. If it never happened to me, I wouldn't be able to understand it. And I would say to him, you know, I would be devastated. I mean, I wouldn't understand it. I would be crushed. Like Bert said, I would have been crushed. But because it's happened to me, and because I love him as a person, I would want him to be happy, and I would understand it. Would I be upset? Of course I'd be upset, because we've invested, you know, so many years into the marriage, but since it's happened to me, I know what it feels like.

[Bert]

But how could you even argue. You know what, though? In looking at it realistically, how could you even argue with that, thinking that if Stacy came to me and said, you know what? I love you. However, there's somebody I'm more in love with. There. Somebody is my soulmate, and he's the guy that fixed the vents in our house all the time. Jason, it's no coincidence that something keeps getting stuck in the air conditioner. Mode, then how could. I mean, while I would certainly be hurt and crushed by that, there would. At one point, I'd have to say, well, if you think that he is perfect for you, I can't fight that. You've got no defense for that.

[Caller 1]

I don't have any defense. And that's what my point was, that if he came to me and said that, and I know he loves me as a person, that he's searching and he was lucky enough. See, I don't think that happens with everybody. I think sometimes you're just lucky enough to meet that person, and maybe it is destiny. I don't know why I met this person, because all it has caused me is pain. But if he came to me and told me that this isn't how he feels.

[Bert]

Hold on one sec. Cause I have a feeling here. Melissa's not buying that you met your soulmate. So go ahead.

[Melissa]

It's not you. And this is certainly not directed at you at all. I guess my feeling is sometimes with. Well, two thoughts came to mind. Number one, I think the danger in the theory of a soulmate is the. Is like, yeah, not taking responsibility. And again, this is not directed to you because you stayed with your marriage, so this is not at you. But I think that some people have the soulmate theory. Then that's. They're almost disregarding the people they're with. Like, I'm not talking about marriage. Like, oh, I'm out there to find my soulmate. So they totally disregard the person they're with because they're thinking, the perfect person's out there. Secondly, they think that it doesn't take work to be with somebody if you're with your soulmate, which is not true. And also, I think for. For people who don't really pay attention to their spirituality or their souls on a daily basis, who aren't in tune with themselves, then how in the world can you recognize a soulmate when you're not. You don't even recognize your own. You know what I'm saying?

[Caller 1]

Because they're incapable. I think my husband and I think there's probably 50% of the people out there I believe are incapable. They don't know how to do that. I think sometimes you're given a gift, that sometimes you're too sensitive for your own good, and you feel things that you shouldn't be feeling. You wish that you didn't. I mean, I truly wish that I don't. I didn't feel the things that I did. But when someone touches your soul, if you Try to describe that to your boyfriend or your mate or your husband. They look at you like you have four heads, right? It's, you know, they're incapable. They're not. They're not. I don't know if it's lucky or they're cursed, you know, but, you know, it's not that I understand what you're saying, you know, I do understand what you're saying. And believe me, four years ago, I would be listening to you saying, I agree with you. But fortunately or unfortunately, I've been one of the ones that have. I mean, it blew my mind. It just blew my mind. Was not expecting it. Had to go into the bathroom, sat on the toilet. One of my girlfriends came in and said to me, what's wrong? I said, oh, my gosh. And the guy was okay looking. He wasn't, you know, a knockout. The guy did something to me that nobody has ever done in my life. Now, will that happen to my husband in the future? I don't know. Based on the way he is, I don't think that he can ever open up spiritually. But maybe later on in life he will. And, you know, I don't know.

[Bert]

Thank you for calling. I gotta move on because we got a bunch of other people that wanted to talk, but thank you for the insight.

[Caller 1]

All right, have a good day.

[Melissa]

Good morning.

[Bert]

All the hits, Q100. Hi, you're on the voice disguiser.

[Caller 1]

Hi, guys.

[Bert]

Hey. Hi.

[Caller 1]

This happened to me. I'm married. I've been married for six years. Happily. I love my husband. We have a child. I've never talked to anyone other than my soulmate about this. It's like the last caller said, it's not something that you're capable of understanding and less it happened to you.

[Bert]

Let's back up and get a couple more details. You want to ask them?

[Melissa]

No, I was. I don't know if you want to go further back. I was just going to ask her where she met the guy.

[Caller 1]

Actually, a little over three years ago, I took a job, and three months into the job, I started to work on a project with him. And, you know, it was very involved. There were, you know, there was a lot of overtime and lunches, and we just worked very closely together. And before, I mean, I knew that there was something with him before we started working on this project, he was very nice and friendly. There was no attraction like, oh, this man. This is a stunning man, or anything like that. We started working on this project and it just. One day, I was just like, are meant to Be with this man.

[Bert]

What did you do about that? Did you guys start to have an affair also?

[Caller 1]

Oh, no, we've never had an affair. It's always been very professional. You know, like a kiss on the cheek or a hug, but nothing. He also is married. I only have one child and he has three. We've discussed it over and over again in depth, and we both just decided that, you know, we're married, we have children. It's not fair to the children. We were married for better or for worse.

[Bert]

So you've discussed it with him. So he thinks that you're his soulmate as well?

[Caller 1]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert]

And he thinks you're his soulmate?

[Caller 1]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert]

And it's just kind of. And you guys have agreed it's just a sad situation that you're with other people.

[Caller 1]

I try not to look at it as sad because I love my husband and. But there's a long. You know, I have a longing inside. Sometimes when I'm with my husband or lying in bed and I feel like my husband emotionally isn't kind of there for me. I think about this man, and I.

[Bert]

Wish that you think about this guy when you're lying in bed with your husband at times.

[Melissa]

Let me ask a question, and this is, how would you answer if someone said, well, kind of two things. One, if you were truly meant to be, wouldn't the universe have put you with him as your husband? And two, why does a soulmate have to be somebody that you're intimate with? I mean, if you're meant to be. Well, you're together, you're friends. Why does it have to be more than that?

[Caller 1]

Well, you know, I understand what you're saying, and, you know, like, I don't know what will happen in the future. I just know that the choice that he and I have made now is that, you know, we're married. I'm, you know, I'm married, he's married, we have children. And it won't happen right now. I don't know what will happen in the future. This. I share every intimate detail of my life with this man, and vice versa.

[Melissa]

He.

[Bert]

Let me stop you right there for a second, because I'm flashing back to a conversation that we had here on this show about six months ago. Everything is six months ago in my life. It could have been a week four years ago. And it was a new term that I wasn't aware of, but it was called emotional affair. Now, what you said was that when you lay next to your husband, he emotionally can't give you what this soulmate guy is giving you. Aren't you having an emotional affair with this guy even though you guys aren't intimate with each other?

[Caller 1]

I don't. I don't believe so. Because I believe that if I was gonna have, I. I don't believe that I have. I mean, I feel like it. I could very easily have already had an affair with this man, and I choose not to, and I won't.

[Bert]

It's almost as, to me, what you're doing is almost as betraying as sleeping with somebody else. If you're divulging all those intimate details of your life with your husband to this soulmate guy, you might as well be. That to me is a form of infidelity.

[Melissa]

And not to be a broken record, but, you know, again, I always try to flip the coin. If you knew your husband was laying there with you thinking about another woman, how would you feel? I mean, would you think he's having an affair?

[Caller 1]

No. See, it's like the last caller said, you just. Unless it's happened to you, it's difficult too. I see this man all the time at my job. I mean, there are times when it's not because, you know, I've determined in my head that I'm with my husband and I'm happy with my husband. It's not like I was out looking for some kind of fulfillment other than that. It just kind of happens.

[Bert]

And this isn't. This isn't torturous for you on a day to day basis?

[Caller 1]

No, there are times when it can really get to me. There really, really are. But like I said, the relationship that I have with this man and that, you know, what I've set in my heart that, you know, I have a family and I have a child and I think about my child. We took my child for.

[Bert]

Yeah. I don't know if there's anything else to ask. I just think as. I think it's just natural as human beings, maybe this is more a guy thing than a woman thing, that we're always looking for something better, you know, And I think it would be torturous if you actually found the thing that you thought was perfect for you and it was there in front of you or next to you every single day, and you couldn't be with it. It'd be interesting to know. It'd be interesting to know if these soulmates would have been soulmates if they met them outside of their marriage.

[Caller 1]

I wish. I wish I would have met this man before I met my husband.

[Bert]

But I wonder if the attraction would have been there. I wonder if he's only more. It's. The grass is always greener.

[Caller 1]

I know it would have been like, in my heart. I know. And I do. I do wish.

[Melissa]

And I don't know. I think sometimes it's. I think we, as humans. You talk about human nature, Bert. I think sometimes as humans, we are arrogant to think we know what's perfect for us. I think that, again, a soulmate doesn't necessarily have to be an intimate partner.

[Bert]

That's a great point.

[Caller 1]

I don't think it. I don't. I don't know unless it's happened to you and you.

[Melissa]

But I'm saying that to me, in my philosophy, is that there's no waste in the universe. There's no wasteful moments. There's no wasteful experiences. And so, I mean, the fact that your life is the way it is, whether it's bad or good, that's what's meant to be at the moment. Whatever you're doing right now, you were meant to do it or you wouldn't be doing it.

[Bert]

And didn't you feel at first when you met your husband that he was the perfect one for you?

[Caller 1]

Um, I think I did until I experienced sick. Man. It's a totally different thing.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

It's. I don't know. You know, I thought, I love my husband. I do. But I never really thought. I never thought about it. I never was anyone to really think about. Some people really believe in, like, soulmates now. I do. I never thought about it before.

[Bert]

I appreciate your honesty. Thank you.

[Melissa]

Thank you for sharing the story.

[Bert]

Yeah. Really appreciate it.

[Melissa]

I'm like you, though. If I. If I truly was in the situation she was in and I was working with the person every day, I think I'd try to find another job. I couldn't do that to myself.

[Bert]

I couldn't be around that. I couldn't be around that kind of temptation every single day because I would be able to justify an affair in my mind by saying, well, at least I'm doing the right thing by staying with my wife. Even though I'm supposed to be with this other person, I'm doing the right thing. I'm not leaving. You know? And I think, at least for me, when I met Stacy, I thought, this is the perfect person for me, you know? And it's so easy to justify a soulmate by saying, oh, no, no, no, no. This is really the perfect person for me.

[Melissa]

I just wonder if there's going back on kind of what Jeff said. Would they still be? Let's say one of these women left her husband for their soulmate. Would he still be her soulmate after she's lived with him for 17 years?

[Bert]

Maybe we're just cynical. Maybe we're just cynical. The Bird Show.

[Caller 1]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree, Zoe.

[Bert]

This thing weighs a ton. Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man. Santa.

[Caller 1]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Bert]

He's talking to you britches. I'm not.

[Caller 1]

Of course he did.

[Bert]

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[Caller 1]

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[Melissa]

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[Caller 1]

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[Bert]

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[Caller 1]

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[Melissa]

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[Caller 1]

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[Bert]

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