Vault: Bar Etiquette

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault – Bar Etiquette

Episode Date: December 5, 2025
Host: Pionaire Podcasting / The Bert Show Cast (Jeff, Jen, Robin, Candace, Stacy, Drew Ski)
Theme: Navigating the Unspoken Rules of Buying Drinks at Bars

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Episode Overview

In this “vault” episode, The Bert Show takes a humorous and lively look at modern bar etiquette—particularly, the social expectations and fallout surrounding the old ritual of buying someone a drink in hopes of sparking a conversation. The hosts debate whether accepting a free drink obligates the recipient to give the buyer some of their time, or if it’s simply a gift with no strings attached. Both sides are explored candidly, with a mix of personal anecdotes, lighthearted banter, and some cheeky “what if?” scenarios.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Incident: Analyzing Bar Behavior

• [02:00] Jeff recounts witnessing a scenario at East Andrews:
  • A man sends a woman at the other end of the bar a drink after their eyes meet.
  • She accepts and enjoys the drink, but when he approaches, she barely acknowledges him.
  • Jeff poses the central debate:

    "If a guy buys you a drink, you are at least obligated to engage us in conversation to find out if we're the real deal or not. Am I wrong?"
    (Jeff, 03:05)

2. Is There an Obligation to Converse?

• Majority perspective: Accepting a drink creates a social contract for at least a brief cordial chat.

  • Robin [04:37]:

    "If she knew she was going to blow him off or had no interest, she should have not accepted the drink. That's just rude."

  • Jen [06:01]:

    "Then she shouldn't have accepted the drink. Then she should say, no, thank you. Please tell him, thank you, but no thanks."

• Counterpoint (Stacy, 05:34):

  • Stacy:

    "That's just an assumption. You're assuming that if I buy her this drink, she's gonna at least talk to me. I don't have to say anything to you. I can say thanks for the drink and keep it moving. That's it."

  • This view sparks heated disagreement from the other hosts.

3. Social Pressure & Gender Dynamics

• The crew discusses the pressure men feel in front of their friends when buying drinks, and the embarrassment of rejection.

  • Jen [07:34]:

    "If I'm there with half a dozen guys... you take the drink, toast me from 100 feet away, and then walk the opposite direction, I would never live down that from the other five years."

  • Jeff [07:51]:

    "The ridicule from the pack, that you are running with that night, would be ruthless."

• Cultural observation:

  • Some women reportedly boast about never buying their own drinks, suggesting a pattern of transactional encounters.
    • Robin [05:05]:

      "The hidden message in there is that they're still at the bar getting free drinks after 10 years, so something's not working."

4. What’s “Polite”? Defining the Minimum

• The hosts negotiate what constitutes basic politeness after accepting a drink.
  • Robin & Jen: Three minutes of conversation is suggested as the "fair" minimum.
    • Jen [08:12]:

      "Three minutes. Like, 'Thank you so much for the drink, no problem. What's your name? ... Then you could say, politely, ...I have to go meet my girlfriends in the patio right now. Maybe I'll see in a little bit.'"

5. Exaggeration and Humor: “Do Drinks Buy More Than Time?”

• The hosts take the debate to a cheeky extreme with jokes about higher-priced drinks “entitling” men to kisses or more—clearly satirical and meant for laughs.
  • Jeff [08:44]:

    "If I buy you a drink that costs more than $9, you're obligated to French kiss me."

  • Jen [09:08]:

    "If your drink costs ten or more dollars, I get to touch one boob."

  • Everyone laughs and acknowledges the over-the-top nature of these comments.

6. Audience Calls & Alternative Views

• [10:16] Jenny (Listener):

  • Explains her and her friends refuse drinks to prevent these awkward obligations, aligning with the idea of clear intentions.

• [12:24] Stacy (Caller):

  • Introduces the term “drink hoe” for someone only after free beverages, drawing a distinction from the “gold digging hoe” who chats to extract more.

7. Bartender Dynamics & Pranks

• The group considers what happens if a drink is delivered to the “wrong” person and the subtle power bartenders wield.
  • Jen [12:10]:

    "If I was a bartender, I would do that all the time."

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jeff [03:05]:

  "If a guy buys you a drink, you are at least obligated to engage us in conversation to find out if we're the real deal or not. Am I wrong?"

• Stacy [05:34]:

  "I don't have to say anything to you. I can say thanks for the drink and keep it moving. That's it."

• Robin [04:37]:

  "That's just rude. I mean, we expect for men to be southern gentlemen in this town when we're out and about dating. You better go out with your manners, too."

• Jen [08:12]:

  "Three minutes. Like, 'Thank you so much for the drink...'"

• Jeff [08:44]:

  "If I buy you a drink that costs more than $9, you're obligated to French kiss me." (said in jest)

• Stacy (Caller) [12:27]:

  "The title that y' all are talking about is A drink hoe. Oh, and that's exactly what. What it is. She's just there to get a drink, and that's it. And you walk back over the voice. Oh, she was a drink hoe."

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Important Timestamps

• [02:00] – Jeff introduces the real-life scenario and kicks off the debate.
• [05:34] – Stacy delivers the dissenter’s view: “Thanks for the drink and keep it moving.”
• [07:34] – Group discusses the social consequences among peers.
• [08:12] – “Three minutes” as the suggested minimum polite engagement.
• [08:44] – Satirical “benefits” of expensive drinks.
• [10:16] – Jenny (listener) offers the “just say no to avoid the problem” perspective.
• [12:24] – The humorous “drink hoe” vs “gold digging hoe” distinction.

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Flow & Tone

The episode maintains a playful and light-hearted tone, with honest (and sometimes exaggerated) takes on dating rituals and bar etiquette. The debate is lively and punctuated by group laughter, relatable awkwardness, and the regulars’ signature realness. The hosts don’t shy from poking fun at themselves, each other, and the often-unspoken rules that govern how we interact when alcohol and expectations are involved.

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Quick Takeaway

If you accept a drink from a stranger at a bar, most of the cast believes you owe at least a few minutes of polite conversation—but the debate stays fun, honest, and filled with the awkward truths of single life, all seasoned with The Bert Show’s signature humor.

Transcript

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[Drew Ski]

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[Sarah]

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[Jeff]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Drew Ski]

He's talking to you britches. I'm not.

[Mrs. Claus]

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[Drew Ski]

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[Jen]

Nice.

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[Jeff]

The Birch Show I want to throw this one at you guys because I saw this go down at East Andrews on Friday night. It's about 1:30? No, it must have been about 1 1:15 in the morning or so. And I'm watching a guy and a woman at a bar, but the guy is on one end of the bar and the woman is on the other, and they're doing that our eyes met kind of thing. And he's wondering exactly how to make the approach.

[Robin]

So your eyes met? Their eyes meeting?

[Jeff]

Yeah, I'm observing now, all right. As the only married guy at EAS Andrews, I'm almost like a student just doing a report. I'm observing everything going on.

[Jen]

Is that what you tell Stacey?

[Jeff]

Yeah, sell some research.

So I'm watching one guy at one end of the bar and the woman at the other end, and they do that oh, oh, thing. And he starts to talk to his buddies about how to make the approach. And it becomes so 8th grade at that point. At the very base of it all is so eighth grade. What do I do? Do I send her a letter that says, will you go with me? Yes. No, Maybe. So he decides to do the pretty stereotypical thing, and he buy her a drink. All right. Bartender goes over and says, look, the guy at the end of the bar over there would like to buy you a drink. And she says, fantastic. So she accepts the drink, she starts sipping on it, then he waits for what he believes to be the appropriate moment, then leaves his pack and goes and makes the approach. And she doesn't give him the time of day, really. I mean, it wasn't even like he couldn't even get hello out. So it wasn't even like he had said something in the first millisecond that had turned her off so badly that she was turned off to the guy. Now, she got the drink with no intention at all of talking to this guy. And I just thought, totally bogus that if a guy buys you a drink, you are at least obligated to engage us in conversation to find out if we're the real deal or not. Am I wrong?

[Candace]

I agree with you. Did the bartender point out who bought her the drink?

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Robin]

Okay. Yeah, I think that's rude.

[Jeff]

404-74-11005 now, in her mind, I'm guessing she's just thinking, cool, I'm one of these women that goes to bars and guys buy me drinks all night. I've never spent any money in a bar.

[Jen]

If I'm the guy, I take the drink out of her hand and walk away. Feel sorry.

[Jeff]

That'd be great.

[Robin]

Thanks for that glass of wine. I have never had a chardonnay before. But I'd like it now, right?

[Jen]

Like a total femme walking back across the bar with my glass of white wine. Hi. Hi.

[Jeff]

How are you?

[Robin]

Right, but I want it back.

[Stacy]

Give it back to me.

[Candace]

I mean, she, of course, didn't obligate herself to a date with him, but she should have talked. I mean, a conversation's not going to kill her, especially if she accepted the drink that he paid for.

[Robin]

If she knew she was going to blow him off or had no interest, she should have not accepted the drink. That's just rude. I mean, we expect for men to be southern gentlemen in this town when we're out and about dating. You better go out with your manners, too.

[Jeff]

It seems to me that there are women, though. That. And I've heard women brag about this before, that I haven't bought a drink in 10 years. Well, that may be the case, but you still. If you're going to accept that drink, you got to give us something in return. Just a little conversation.

[Robin]

The hidden message in there is that they're still at the bar getting free drinks after 10 years, so something's not working.

[Jeff]

Right. You know, so we're all in agreement that if you accept a drink from a guy, then you got to at least engage in some kind of conversation.

[Robin]

Some sort of cordial conversation, to at least just be polite. That's just kind of the social rules of the thing.

[Candace]

Well, I think, you know, if. If you get the offer. I mean, that is. You are agreeing to conversation if you say yes to the drink. I totally. I totally think that. Yeah.

[Jeff]

Hi, Candace.

[Stacy]

Hi. I totally disagree. That's just an assumption. You're assuming that if I buy her this drink, she's gonna at least talk to me. I don't have to say anything to you. I can say thanks for the drink and keep it moving. That's it.

[Jeff]

See, I think that's so wrong.

[Candace]

I don't think you should explain.

[Jeff]

I think that's so rude.

[Stacy]

No, it's not.

[Jen]

Yes, it is.

[Stacy]

It's just you assuming she doesn't have to talk to him. She probably looked at him at the end of the barn and was like, no, he's not.

[Jen]

Then she shouldn't. She shouldn't have accepted the drink.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Jen]

Then she should say, no, thank you. Please tell him, thank you, but no thanks.

[Robin]

It sounds like there was no confusion as to what was going on here, because you said they were making eyes at each other.

[Jeff]

She almost reeled him in.

[Robin]

She was reeling him in with the whole thing and then accepted the drink.

[Jeff]

Even if, let's say the I thing wasn't going down, right? And he buys her a drink and. Candace, I'll ask you the same question. Let's say there's no flirtatious looking thing going on, right? And he buys her a drink, and the bartender points the guy out that bought her the drink. If she accepts at that point, it means to me, like, all right, he's made the first cut, so I'll accept the drink. And if he comes over and talks to me, then great.

[Candace]

Well, even. I mean, I've been in a situation before where. Well, I guess it's always been pointed at who the person buying me the drink was. I'm trying to think if there's been a blind, you know, offer and I've taken it. I still know that somebody's about to come up and talk to me and. And I engage in conversation. But if I end up not being interested, I will. I will cut it off pretty short, but I still will talk to them. You know what I'm saying?

[Stacy]

So it seemed like she didn't even want to talk to him to begin with. She just wanted a free drink. So what she should have done was held the drink up like a thank you kind of thing and then walked away. And then he wouldn't have walked to her and talked to her.

[Jeff]

If you hold that drink up and you give me that little cheers thing, that's giving me another green light, though.

[Robin]

But what she's saying is she should have gave him the cheers. Thank you so much. Stood up from the bar, turned around and walked away so that he, from his buddies didn't have to make the whole walk of shame.

[Jeff]

You're still rude, don't you think?

[Robin]

I think so, too.

[Jeff]

Still rude.

[Robin]

Yeah.

[Jen]

You know, there's actually even more rude.

[Robin]

No, not as embarrassing for him, but still rude.

[Jen]

No, that's just as embarrassing for him.

[Jeff]

Totally.

[Jen]

You think if I'm there with half a dozen guys and we're hanging out and I work up the nerve to send you a drink, and I send it down to you, and you take the drink, toast me from 100ft away, and then walk the opposite direction, I would never live down that from the other five years.

[Jeff]

The ridicule from the pack that you are running with that night would be ruthless.

[Robin]

What if I mouth to you, I gotta go to the bathroom. I'll be right back. No, doesn't work.

[Jeff]

No, you take a drink from me. You have got to at least give me a chance to get to know you. For you. You gotta Give me a couple of minutes.

[Robin]

How many minutes?

[Jeff]

I just spent five bucks on you. And, you know, in this town, maybe I just spent nine bucks on you on a drink.

[Jen]

Three.

[Robin]

Three minutes.

[Jen]

Yeah. Like, hey, thank you so much for the drink. No problem. What's your name? My name's Jen. Hey, Jen, I'm Jeff. You know, what are you doing? I'm here with some girlfriends or selling me.

[Drew Ski]

Oh.

[Jen]

You know, and then. Then you could say politely, you know, like, as a matter of fact, I have to go meet my girlfriends in the patio right now. Maybe I'll see in a little bit. And then the guy. You've given him enough time that the guy can go back to, you know, his guy friends and say, you know, whatever.

[Robin]

I am so taking that home later.

[Jen]

Right? That's what you go back to your.

[Robin]

Friends and say, right?

[Jen]

Going out. She's going out to the patio and she's here with girlfriends. We'll have to make her way out there.

[Jeff]

I'm going to take it one step further. If I buy you a drink that costs more than $9, you're obligated to French kiss me.

[Candace]

Duh.

[Jen]

No.

[Jeff]

Just trying. Working for you guys. Just working. I just said, this is so eighth grade.

[Candace]

You have to French kiss me.

[Stacy]

I know, dude.

[Robin]

Did you get the visual of his tongue?

[Candace]

Oh, I mean, just the whole open mouth and him.

[Drew Ski]

You got to at least let me.

[Jeff]

Go to second base.

[Robin]

Him going in.

[Jen]

If your drink costs ten or more dollars, I get to touch one boob.

[Jeff]

For 10 seconds when I go in for a kiss, it's a little bit like when you used to watch Charlie Brown. He used to yell really loud, and you just see his ovula dangling in the back.

[Robin]

Oh, my God.

[Jeff]

Hey, Robin. What's going on?

[Stacy]

Hey, good morning, guys. I am so with you guys. Listen, if I'm buying you a drink, I'm the guy. I'm walking over and saying, hey, you better give me my money back here with me.

[Jeff]

I'm serious. That is rude. I think Jeff's right. It's got to be at least three minutes.

[Stacy]

I mean, at least. I mean, if you have the audacity to take this guy's money and drink his drink that he just bought you, you at least owe me a hey, how are you? You know, I may not be interested, but, you know, still.

[Jeff]

Yeah. And a quick French kiss.

[Candace]

The whole French kiss. The whole reason he's buying you a drink is to break the ice and open up conversation because he likes you. I mean, there's that understanding a Woman has when she's made the offer. And if you accept it, you accept a conversation. I totally believe that. Yeah.

[Jeff]

Jenny.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Hola.

[Stacy]

Hey, good morning, y'. All.

[Jeff]

He's so bilingual. See?

[Jen]

Especially when you have a nice Hispanic listener, like somebody named Jenny.

[Jeff]

What's going on? Que pasa?

[Stacy]

I just wanted to really disagree with the last caller. Like, when me and my friends go out, we totally don't accept drinks for guys for that same fact. But we won't lead them on and have that incident happen. We just, like, say, no.

[Jeff]

I think that's fair. Because if all of my friends are watching me buy a drink for a woman and she turns me down, I'm gonna get a certain amount of crap anyway. But if you accept the drink, then you won't talk to me, or you get up and you walk away. That's ruthless.

[Robin]

Then they're like, oh, you got used.

[Jen]

Or. But if you go up to the bar, what you gotta do is you gotta remember that the most important thing to a guy when he's out at a club like that, besides hooking up, even above hooking up, is his reputation to the guys he's there with. So if you go up and you, you know, deny a drink. If I go up to the bartender and go, hi, I'd like to send that girl down there. You know, drink, please. And then he goes down to Jen and she says, no, I don't want to. Ew. Look at him. No way. Ew. Get him. No.

[Drew Ski]

Ew.

[Jen]

Security. And the bartender comes back and says, I'm sorry, she doesn't want to drink. Then guess what? I can turn around and make guy friends and go, oh, false alarm. She's engaged. The guys will never. Oh, didn't know this, but she's playing on Melissa's team, if you know what I mean.

[Candace]

Yeah, she didn't want me, so she must be a lesbian, right?

[Jen]

You know, so that's what you got. The girls. When you're out, your primary objective should be to help guys save face. Of course, that's what you should be always. When you're operating. If you want to be successful and find guys you know, to have relationships with, you should always be looking at ways to protect them.

[Jeff]

And if that takes a French kiss, then so be it.

[Drew Ski]

Are you.

[Jen]

Are you okay? Are you and Stacy okay?

I just think that's so funny.

[Jeff]

French kiss.

[Jen]

As a guy, what do you do if you send a drink to a girl at a bar and the bartender delivers it to the wrong girl and she's just Heinous. Like, do you.

[Jeff]

Then you're in. Then. Then you are obligated to talk to the girl the drink goes to. The bartender gets so screw with you. Yeah, with great power.

[Jen]

I would love. If I was a bartender, I would do that all the time.

[Robin]

Like, you mean this one over here? This one? This one. Oh, okay, I got you this one.

[Jen]

And then give it to the one next door.

[Jeff]

There's another reason to tip heavy on that first drink, because if you don't, they will screw you later. Hey, T.C. you'll be the last call, man.

[Stacy]

Hey, how's it going, everybody?

[Robin]

Good.

[Jeff]

Good to talk to you.

[Stacy]

The title that y' all are talking about is A drink Hoe. Oh, and that's exactly what. What it is. She's just there to get a drink, and that's it. And you walk back over the voice. Oh, she was a drink hoe. That's it.

[Robin]

How different is the drink hoe from the gold digging hoe?

[Stacy]

The difference is a gold digging hoe will talk to you to try and get something out of you, but a drink hoe will just up and go.

[Jen]

Okay, a drink hoe is one drink. A gold digging hoe is many drinks.

[Jeff]

That's so wrong. That's so wrong. I mean, what's three minutes? I buy you a drink. I would like to find the woman that has gone the longest, the longest time period not buying herself a drink.

[Jen]

Oh, they all lie.

[Jeff]

I think they'll say, like, oh, five years.

[Jen]

I haven't bought a drink since I turned 21. And if I had a voice like this, no man would ever date me.

[Jeff]

The bird show.

[Mrs. Claus]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree, Zoe.

[Drew Ski]

This thing weighs a ton. Kursky, live with your legs, man.

[Jen]

Santa.

[Jeff]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Drew Ski]

He's talking to you, Bridges. I'm not.

[Mrs. Claus]

Of course he did.

[Drew Ski]

Right, Santa, you know my elf, Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list. And elf, I'm six three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile, you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus?

[Mrs. Claus]

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[Drew Ski]

Or give it as a gift.

[Mrs. Claus]

And the best part, you can make the switch to T mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[Jen]

Nice.

[Drew Ski]

My side of the tree is slipping, Jim.

[Jeff]

Bur the holidays are better.

[Drew Ski]

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