Vault: Couples Narc On Their Spouses For Donating Too Much!

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Couples Narc On Their Spouses For Donating Too Much!

Date: March 16, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode explores a unique and often overlooked source of tension in relationships: disagreements over charitable donations. Sparked by a recent sermon from Andy Stanley at Buckhead Church, Bert and the cast open the phones to listeners whose relationships have been tested by differing attitudes about giving—whether it’s donating money, volunteering time, or tithing to religious organizations. The tone is candid and humorous, as always, but the conversations unearth deeply personal dilemmas and emotional stories.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

The Sermon That Sparked the Conversation

• [01:30] Bert (Host): Introduces Andy Stanley’s sermon about balancing how much money to donate versus keep, and notes that some couples genuinely fight about over-giving.
  • "I had never heard that before really, where the argument is like we are giving away too much money. Stop donating so much money to to a point where it's causing a lot of friction in the family."
• Invites listeners to share their stories, offering voice disguisers for privacy.

The Hosts’ Personal Takes

• [02:36] Jessica (Co-host): Admits to donating “generally” to almost anyone who asks.
  • "Until today, I donated pretty much to anyone who would ask."
• Her partner prefers fewer, more meaningful donations, leading to ongoing debates.
• [03:00] Jessica (Co-host): Notes donations aren’t just about money, but time commitment too.
  • "Sometimes I'll offer through the radio or whatever to be a part of a fundraiser or a charity or something like that … and she will say, don't do that, because it dilutes when you do something that you really do care about."
• [03:52] Bert (Host): Acknowledges at least the couple agrees on the principle of giving—unlike others where one wants to donate everything, the other nothing.

Callers' Stories & Relationship Friction

Caller: Sally

• [04:45–06:13] Sally: Self-confessed over-donor, describing a lifetime of extreme generosity.
  • "In college, I had a girlfriend who wanted to be an attorney, and I gave her my tuition and didn't go that semester, so she could go because she didn't have the money. So it started when I was young." [05:18]
  • Recently hosted a 300-person church dinner out of her own pocket—a major source of marital friction.
• Balances giving with financial stability ("we have seven children"), but still feels compelled to help.

Caller: Jennifer

• [07:20–08:52] Jennifer: Shares a story from college about a friend’s father, a preacher, who donated his entire salary back to the church, leaving the family financially strained.
  • "He gave 100%. She told me about it. I guess she had a problem with it too, because then she needed money...and she had to beg her grandparents for money because her dad was giving it all back to the church." [08:46]
• Also discusses her own marriage: her husband refuses to give “the full 10%” tithe, feeling church donations are excessive or a “scam.”

Caller: Rebecca

• [09:05–09:43] Rebecca: Ex-husband prioritizes tithing over child support, causing conflict and hardship.
  • "Some months he does not pay his child support on time...because he tells me he has to first pay his tithe to the church, which is a 10%." [09:05]
• Despite church aiding him in overcoming addictions, Rebecca is frustrated by the practical consequences.
• Musings from hosts about whether religious giving should take precedence over family obligations.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jessica: "If I was broke, I'd still donate. I'm buying karma, people. I do a lot of damage in actions that I'm going to try to buy my way into heaven. You Girl Scout cookies. Give me ten bucks. Boxes. What else you got?" [04:34]
• Bert (Host): "So what if one of them doesn't eat? What's the big deal? You still got six healthy ones." (Lightheartedly, about managing a large family while giving generously) [06:22]
• Co-host (Male): "When you pull out all of the paperwork for taxes and you add it up from the last year and, you know, hand it over to the accountant, then that's when it's come up before for me." [06:38]
• Co-hosts debate: Is over-donation a gender issue? Noting that most over-donors on the show are women, with men urging restraint. [07:07]
• Rebecca: "His son needs food on the table. And I think it's ridiculous." [09:43]
• Co-host (Jessica), on priorities: "Son of youf before Son of God. Thank you very much. Write the check." [09:33]
• Co-host (Male): "Feed your kids." [09:37]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:30: Bert introduces the main topic and Andy Stanley’s sermon.
• 02:36: Jessica discusses her approach to donations and its impact on her relationship.
• 03:00: Discussion expands to donating time as well as money.
• 04:45–06:13: Sally’s extreme giving stories, including paying for a 300-person dinner.
• 07:07: Hosts consider whether over-donating is a gendered issue.
• 07:20–08:52: Jennifer’s stories about church tithing causing family hardships.
• 09:05–09:43: Rebecca’s dilemma with her ex-husband prioritizing tithing over child support.

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Episode Takeaways

• Donating money—or time—can become a serious source of relationship stress, especially when partners’ philosophies clash.
• Gendered patterns emerged in callers’ stories, with most women reporting being the “over-donors” in their relationships.
• For some, the compulsion to help is rooted in upbringing, faith, or personal history, sometimes leading to significant sacrifice and conflict.
• The cast’s usual humor balanced thoughtfully with empathy and engagement, underlining the real impact these issues have on families.

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Transcript

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[Host (The Bird Show)]

Hey the Bird show we go to Buckhead Church and Andy Stanley, the pastor on Sunday said something in his sermon that I focused in on that I had never heard of a source of stress in a couple before and I wanted to ask the question this morning. 404-741-Q100 he was talking about balance and he was talking about how much money you should donate and how much you should keep for yourself and how it's all really God's money, blah blah blah, right? And he said that he's talked to couples before where one person in the couple wants to donate way more than the other person and it's been a big time stress in the relationship. I had never heard that before really, where the argument is like we are giving away too much money. Stop donating so much money to to a point where it's causing a Lot of friction in the family. And I wanted to ask you guys, if you're listening today, and we'll put you on the voice disguiser. Cause you don't want to be the one to go. Yeah, my husband wants to give everything, and I'm always saying we can't. No more donating. No more charity.

[Co-host (Jessica)]

You can call that her. And I fight about it all the time.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Do you really? I've never heard this as a source of tension in a relationship before.

[Co-host (Jessica)]

Because I donate generously. Not generously. Well, yeah, I guess so. I donate generally speaking to. This is gonna open a floodgate. Don't email me. Bring it up. Until today, I donated pretty much to anyone who would ask.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Oh, yeah.

[Co-host (Jessica)]

But whereas Jessica thinks we should donate more to select causes that we feel jointly passionate about, so she will discourage the frequent, smaller donations and encourage larger, more relevant donations. That make sense.

[Co-host (Male)]

It does if it's something you feel passionate about.

[Co-host (Jessica)]

And I'm not only talking about money. I'm also talking about time. So sometimes I'll offer through the radio or whatever to be a part of a fundraiser or a charity or something like that, because the person involved is a friend of mine, or their letter was well written, or I was in a generous mood that day or something like that. And she will say, don't do that, because it dilutes when you do something that you really do care about. Does that make sense?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah. At least you guys are on the same page that some monies should be going out. I think the way that Andy was making a sound this weekend is that there are some families that, like, one guy wants to give all the cash away, and the other one is like, no, zero, no. Can't do it.

[Caller or Guest]

But I think it depends on if you are financially strapped as a couple. Because I think there's some people that even if they know that they're financially strapped, they still don't think it's. It's good for them to keep the money, you know, and take care of themselves first and give it away. So when you say that, I envision a couple who are trying to make all their payments, and then if somebody's going to whatever and decided, oh, you know, this is good for us, and it'll improve our, you know, our karma, then we need to do all this. And the other person says, well, actually, we need to pay the car payment before we need to donate to this charity.

[Co-host (Jessica)]

If I was broke, I'd still donate. I'm buying karma, people. I do a lot of damage in actions that I'm going to try to buy my way into heaven. You Girl Scout cookies. Give me ten bucks. Boxes. What else you got?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Hey, Sally. Go ahead. You're on the voice disguiser.

[Caller (Sally)]

Hi.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Hi.

[Caller (Sally)]

I'm one of those.

[Caller or Guest]

Which one?

[Caller (Sally)]

I donate too much.

[Caller or Guest]

Okay.

[Caller (Sally)]

I, by the way, love Andy Sandley, and heard that today, and I thought he was talking to me, so my face turned bright red.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah, it was a great sermon, but I had never heard that as a source attention before, where one person has given away too much.

[Caller (Sally)]

Well, I've been doing it my whole life. It's. It could be, I guess, an illness. You know, you spend too much, you donate too much.

[Co-host (Male)]

An illness.

[Caller (Sally)]

I don't know. I don't know. In college, I had a girlfriend who wanted to be an attorney, and I gave her my tuition and didn't go that semester, so she could go because she didn't have the money. So it started when I was young.

[Caller or Guest]

Wow.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

That is really amazing. That is amazing.

[Caller (Sally)]

Yeah, I just like doing things for others, and, you know, I volunteer and just do a lot and when I need to be doing some stuff at home, too.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

When is the last time you and your husband got in an argument about this very thing?

[Caller (Sally)]

I've gotten much better. So it's probably about a year ago when I was volunteering at my church. I was putting on a big dinner for a fundraiser, and I didn't charge anybody for it. I paid it out of pocket, and there were about 300 people there.

[Co-host (Male)]

Whoa. That's an expensive tab.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

That's a big pocket. That's a really big pocket.

[Caller (Sally)]

Yeah.

[Co-host (Male)]

Do you all have that. Do you all have that kind of money to spend? I mean, are you pretty well off?

[Caller (Jennifer)]

Yeah.

[Caller (Sally)]

Yeah, we are, but, you know, we have seven children, so.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Well, good.

[Caller (Sally)]

Wow.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So what if one of them doesn't eat? What's the big deal? You still got six healthy ones. Now, I think it's interesting that all the calls that are coming in are all from women who say they give too much, they give too much, and it's the guys in the relationship that are on them for giving out too much.

[Co-host (Male)]

I have a problem with it. It came up before in my life. When you pull out all of the paperwork for taxes and you add it up from the last year and, you know, hand it over to the accountant, then that's when it's come up before for me.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

And you were the one that donated too much.

[Co-host (Male)]

Mm. And it was a.

[Caller or Guest]

They count said you donated too much.

[Co-host (Male)]

No, the accountant didn't.

[Intuit QuickBooks Announcer]

Oh.

[Caller or Guest]

Because Most accountants. Yeah, the most accountants will tell you to keep. To keep donating.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So I wonder if this is purely a gender thing, because there's not one guy on the phone saying, I'm the one that gives too much. And my wife is all over me. It's all women saying that their guys are on them.

[Co-host (Jessica)]

Thanks.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Hey, Brenda, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Co-host (Jessica)]

Thanks for pointing that out.

[Caller (Jennifer)]

Appreciate that.

[Co-host (Jessica)]

Can I say that one more time because we might not have heard you the first three.

[Caller (Sally)]

That'd be cool.

[Caller (Jennifer)]

Let me tell you, I actually think it's quite funny and ironic this morning. My husband and I just had a huge argument yesterday about going to church because he feels it's all about money. And, you know, I'm like, well, you don't have to go and give money, but. And he says, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's all a scam. It's all a scam. And, you know, The Bible says 10%. And he's like, why do I have to give 10%?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So he says, 10% is way too much.

[Caller (Jennifer)]

Yeah. He's like, I'll give what I can, when I can. And I'm like, okay, that's understandable. But, you know, you go to church and you hear the preacher and he talks and they ask for what they can, but he just is very adamant on not giving to the church.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

She's not the only one. Good morning, Jennifer. You're on Q100.

[Caller (Jennifer)]

First of all, can I say I love you guys always?

[Co-host (Jessica)]

Yeah. Say it a lot. You want to say it again?

[Caller (Jennifer)]

I love you guys.

[Co-host (Jessica)]

That's cool.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Thank you.

[Caller (Jennifer)]

No, I was calling because unlike a

[Caller (Sally)]

lot of the other callers you were

[Caller (Jennifer)]

saying you had on, I actually had a friend in college.

[Caller (Sally)]

We'll call her Vicki.

[Caller (Jennifer)]

And her dad gave his entire salary

[Caller (Sally)]

every month back to the church where

[Caller (Jennifer)]

he was a preacher, and his wife

[Caller (Sally)]

hated it because they couldn't pay their bills.

[Co-host (Male)]

Wow. Entire salary.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

The entire salary. 100% goes back to the church.

[Caller (Jennifer)]

Yeah, he gave 100%. She told me about it. I guess she had a problem with it too, because then she needed money,

[Caller (Sally)]

of course, to pay for books and

[Caller (Jennifer)]

stuff in college, and she had to beg her grandparents for money because her dad was giving it all back to the church.

[Co-host (Male)]

Wow.

[Co-host (Jessica)]

It's something I call crazy talk too much.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Rebecca, go ahead. You're on Q100.

[Caller (Rebecca)]

Hi, good morning. Yeah, I was just gonna tell you a little story about basically my ex husband. Some months he does not pay his child support on time, or there's been a couple times where he hasn't paid at all because he tells me he has to first pay his tithe to the church, which is a 10%. And he just doesn't have money that month or he's gonn late that month for that reason.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

And how do you even argue with that? I mean, you can't even feel good about saying, well, can you give a little bit less to the church and a little more to your kids? Because you sort of feel, yeah, I would. You would? I would feel bad about that.

[Co-host (Jessica)]

Son of youf before Son of God. Thank you very much. Write the check.

[Co-host (Male)]

Feed your kids.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah. Is he. Do you think he's being honest about that, or you think he's just using the church as his excuse?

[Caller (Rebecca)]

No, actually I do, because the church got him out of, you know, a lot of problems he had and addictions and stuff. So he feels even more so that he owes, you know, owes that to the church. But in the same sense, his son needs food on the table. And I think it's ridiculous.

[Caller or Guest]

I think a man that, you know, takes care of his responsibilities probably is,

[Host (The Bird Show)]

you know, I think God probably looks kind of a little bit more. Hey, the Bird Show. Tyler reddick here from 2311 Racing, Victory Lane. Yeah, it's even better with Chumba by my side. Race to chumbacasino.com let's Chumba. No purchase necessary VTW group void where prohibited by law. CTNCs 21/plus sponsored by Chumba Casino.