Katrina (1:50)

That's right.

Host (Birch Show) (1:50)

It got so bad after a while that. Tell them again about the challenge that your dad issued to you.

Katrina (1:55)

Oh, my father issued me a gauntlet. Is the last word he used for $1,000 to lose. I believe it was 50 pounds by the family reunion.

Co-host 1 (2:06)

Okay.

Katrina (2:07)

Yeah.

Host (Birch Show) (2:07)

So which was insulting.

Katrina (2:08)

It was $1,000. Yeah.

Co-host 2 (2:10)

And he has always put pressure on you about weight, or he's always very body image.

Katrina (2:15)

It's always been real. I mean, it's been not just me, my mom, my brother, everyone, so.

Host (Birch Show) (2:21)

And you told us your dad's like a stud. Like he's in shape. I mean, he exercises all the time. He looks like he's 24 years old or whatever.

Katrina (2:27)

You know that guy in the Bowflex commercial who's, like, all buff and looking good, and he's like, and I'm 50 years old. That commercial was actually an idea my father wanted me to pitch to Nike about his workout.

Host (Birch Show) (2:38)

Oh, really? Wow.

Katrina (2:40)

He's so vain. It's sad.

Host (Birch Show) (2:42)

So he sort of put this on you, and he has always approached you, always.

Katrina (2:49)

It's never. There is never a conversation that happens between me and my father that doesn't include my weight.

Co-host 1 (2:55)

That's so stupid.

Katrina (2:56)

We can be talking about the heat and the weather, and he'll be like, so, are you going to the gym? Yeah. So that's just.

Co-host 1 (3:01)

That's wasted time on his part, you know?

Co-host 2 (3:03)

Like, I think.

Katrina (3:03)

No, it's not. I think he just feels like as long as I say it, I've done my part. And if she still wants to be fat, then that's on her. Like, that's. I truly think that's his thought process.

Host (Birch Show) (3:13)

So we had her on a couple of months ago, and we. We normally. We would probably say, you know what? That must really hurt. Let's get you a trainer, let's get you a nutritionist, and let's get you on the right path. Right. But we didn't do that, because with Katrina, we thought, you're not gonna keep the weight off if you're doing it for somebody else.

Co-host 2 (3:28)

And this was more about the relationship between her and her dad than it was about the weight.

Katrina (3:32)

Right.

Co-host 2 (3:33)

I mean, when we were talking before.

Katrina (3:34)

You got really emotional, became the babbling brook.

Co-host 1 (3:37)

No, no, no. It's hurtful.

Katrina (3:39)

It's okay. I mean, I understand. But it was. It was more of a combination at the time, and it was just. I don't know what it was that day. It was just all of the issues are culminating and coming together.

Host (Birch Show) (3:50)

And I was like, you gotta make excuses.

Katrina (3:51)

Yeah, I know. I apologize.

Co-host 1 (3:54)

Cry on this show.

Katrina (3:56)

No, I don't mind crying. I can now. No.

Host (Birch Show) (3:59)

Someone break out the mace. We need to happen.

Katrina (4:02)

Exactly.

Host (Birch Show) (4:02)

So this reunion happened a couple of weeks ago, right?

Katrina (4:04)

It sure did. On the 20th.

Host (Birch Show) (4:06)

And do you see your dad on a daily, or do you see him every now and then?

Katrina (4:09)

I see my father. He lives in New York, so I see him either whenever he comes down or when I head up home.

Host (Birch Show) (4:16)

So as the reunion approached, did he ask you more and more about your weight? Because we kind of felt like the reunion was a Katrina trophy. For him, like, he wanted to show everybody else in the family that my daughter looks great and she lost all.

Katrina (4:30)

This weight, which is partially true because this was a new side of the family that we were joining with. And so I guess he just wanted your, our, our very best. I mean, the entire family's vain. My father's just, you know, to the tenth power, basically. I think that's what it was. He actually, after I cried on air last time, we had fallout, I mean, fallout after fallout. I was like, I'm tired of talking about it and don't talk about my weight. I am what I am going to be, where I'm going to be. And he, the last thing he said to me was, I'm not going to, I'm not going to mention it anymore. It's out there. You do whatever you're gonna do, you do whatever you decide, and then we'll go from there. So.

Co-host 1 (5:11)

Okay.

Katrina (5:12)

Yeah. Until the family.

Co-host 1 (5:13)

I was gonna say, did he do that?

Katrina (5:15)

The very first thing my father said to me, he gave me a hug. We all went to the hotel, went into the hotel and he, you know, we were just having playing conversation because my brother was there and we were joking around and he jumps up and is, well, what I want to know is how someone can put a thousand dollar gauntlet out there to lose a little weight and you don't take it.

Rocket Money Advertiser (5:37)

I don't understand.

Host (Birch Show) (5:38)

He said this in front of everybody.

Katrina (5:40)

It was just myself, my brother and him. We were in the hotel.

Co-host 1 (5:45)

He's being the role model for your brother to judge women that way too.

Katrina (5:49)

Yeah.

Co-host 1 (5:50)

And that's so sad.

Host (Birch Show) (5:52)

So after he said that to you, did you guys have another falling out or how'd that make you feel?

Co-host 2 (5:56)

We.

Katrina (5:56)

I first I was going to let it go and I wasn't going. I'm like, you know what? He's not even worth it. I'm not going to bother. But, you know, I explained to him that after I'd come on air, I definitely did take steps to lose weight for myself because that's what I wanted to do. I'd started walking, I became a lot more active and was eating a lot healthier than I had been. And I tried like two different diets in that span of time. And I mean, me trying to lose weight has always been a struggle. It's always been something that I wanted to do for myself. It's just the added pressure of my father. So I explained that to him and everything and he just didn't acknowledge it. And we just went on about our business. And I was just like, unbelievable.

Host (Birch Show) (6:39)

I saw some of your postings on Facebook and I've seen the emails also, and it seems to me like, it's like you're part of the family image for your dad.

Katrina (6:51)

Right.

Host (Birch Show) (6:51)

And if he. If you don't look like the way he wants you to look, then he's embarrassed for the family.

Katrina (6:58)

I can see that. Well, I don't know if it's that. I think it's just he feels. He thinks, you know, he says he'll say, I'm a pretty girl. And I've had other family members say, you know, you're a pretty girl. You shouldn't do that to yourself. And I'm just like, what am I doing to myself? I'm not purposely getting fat or, you know, shoving my face full of food. I just. The family's been hurt.

Co-host 2 (7:21)

It's just. I think it's just so disturbing because you think of a parent's love for a child as being unconditional.

Katrina (7:29)

Yeah.

Co-host 2 (7:29)

And it does seem so conditional.

Katrina (7:32)

It does. And that's what.

Co-host 2 (7:33)

And your mom isn't around anymore, right? We didn't talk about that.

Katrina (7:36)

She passed away and 2003.

Host (Birch Show) (7:38)

So has the weight heat been turned up since your mom passed away from your dad?

Katrina (7:46)

Has the weight heat? Truthfully, it's actually probably just been at the same degree for all my life. It's just not like I just know the conversation. I know how they're gonna go. I know what we're going to talk about. And it's just always been that way from high school on. And, you know, like I said, he'll always go back to the glory days of when I was a senior in high school, saying, oh, you know, you almost were in a two piece, but your arms, you know, so it was even at that time when I was so small and almost in a two piece, he would say, well, you know, you can do more ab exercises.

Co-host 1 (8:20)

So, yeah, I. A friend of a friend I knew who had been married, and she was in shape at the time of the marriage, but her husband was giving her such a hard time about maintaining that figure. And then she started gaining weight, and then the marriage actually eventually fell apart and broke apart. And she then did not try to get back in shape because there was a part of her and she had conveyed it to my friend that she said, at least I know that if somebody loves me now or falls in love with me, they're falling in love with me, and I won't have that pressure from them, you know, So I just wonder, is there a part of you that, you know, you may want to be motivated to lose weight, but is there a part of you that would feel defeated by doing it because.

Katrina (9:02)

Your dad's pressure by losing the weight?

Co-host 1 (9:05)

Truthfully, it wouldn't be a fulfilling thing. It would just be like, I don't know.

Katrina (9:09)

No, because me losing weight is more about my comfort level and how I feel, and I know how I would like to look, and I. I mean, even in losing weight, I don't want to be. And I will never be as small as I think my father has in mind. Like, to him, I think, you know, I'm five, eight. I think he plans on seeing me at 125 and calling it a day, you know, and sickly. But I have no aspirations to be that small. I just want to get back to the point where I'm comfortable and feel that I look great. So that's where I'm at.

Host (Birch Show) (9:42)

Hey, Lisa, you're on Q100. Go ahead. Hey, guys.

Caller 1 (9:45)

I love your show. I just wanted to say that I feel for you. My father did the same thing. I'm 41 now, and all growing up, and even now, sometimes I feel the same way. I'm morbidly obese, and he always made me feel like I was less of a person, and he loved me less than anybody else. He loves me, but he doesn't love me like he would if I was. And I'm gonna get upset, but he doesn't love me like he would if I was a thin woman.

Katrina (10:18)

Right.

Host (Birch Show) (10:18)

Does she speak for you, too? Do you sort of feel the same way?

Katrina (10:21)

I definitely. I can say that because there have been times I lost weight a few years ago where I lost 60 pounds. I mean, I'm. I've been huger. So I'd lost a lot of weight, and I hadn't seen my father. It was the same sporadic, you know, six months, eight months, or what have you. And he would just be like, oh, there's less of you to hug.

Host (Birch Show) (10:40)

It's always centered around weight.

Katrina (10:42)

It's always constantly like, you. My. Actually, I've gained. I've developed an anxiety for when I get off the plane. And, you know, when you meet that person who's coming to pick you up.

Host (Birch Show) (10:52)

That'S not your fault.

Katrina (10:53)

And just to see the. You can always gauge the reaction when you're. When you're walking out of the airport and you see, you know, his face, and you're like, oh, all right, well, I guess I'm not doing as well as I thought I was.

Co-host 2 (11:04)

So, Katrina, you're a beautiful woman exactly the way that you are. And I know you don't have to hear that all the time, but it seems like you might need to.

Co-host 1 (11:11)

Yeah.

Co-host 2 (11:12)

Because you've been hearing the other thing for so long.

Host (Birch Show) (11:14)

Do you feel like you're beautiful?

Katrina (11:16)

I think I'm cute.

Co-host 2 (11:18)

You're a beautiful woman.

Co-host 1 (11:19)

Absolutely.

Katrina (11:21)

I think I'm cute. Like, I don't think I'm an ugly girl. Like, I'm not like, oh, girl, I'm ugly. Pass me a sub. Like, I'm not bad like that. But, you know, I mean, I feel like it really goes back to my own comfort level and just where I felt like I looked my best, and I'm just struggling trying to get back to that. And sometimes it is almost that defeatist where, you know, you're doing it, you're making progress, and you're making moves, and the next conversation you have, you know, the next conversation I have with my dad is just like. Like, last week I was like, oh, I'm going to the gym.

Host (Birch Show) (11:55)

He's like, ha, ha ha.

Katrina (11:56)

You're going to the gym. Like, mocking. Yeah, he's ridiculous.

Host (Birch Show) (12:02)

Here's the effect that it's had on her also. If you go to her Facebook, she writes on her wall that, hey, it's fat Trina here.

Katrina (12:09)

I said, hey, hey, hey. It was a joke. It was like, fat Albert. I was having a bad day that day.

Co-host 1 (12:14)

But still, I mean, it's obviously. I just think that. I mean, I don't know, because your father's definitely extreme, and the color we just had, you know, it obviously has affected her. But I just think sometimes guys don't realize just the subtle effects, even if they don't flat out say it, because, you know, so many times we hear. And it's not just guys. I mean, girls do too. But I think for a lot of women who need the male, you know, attention and affection and approval, so many guys are commenting on women all the time and commenting on women's bodies and all this stuff, and it has an effect on women around. All around them. They don't even know that are thinking to themselves, well, obviously, I must not be pretty enough because I don't fit that standard that guys are always critiquing. So.

Co-host 2 (12:59)

And imagine that coming from your own father. I cannot imagine it. I cannot imagine. Now, did your mom used to deflect it from you? Like, did she take more of it when she was around?

Katrina (13:10)

Well, I don't know that she Took more of it. I think she got to the point where she would just ignore him and say, you know what? Shut up. Or what have you. Because, you know, like I said before, the last time we spoke, I read a letter. I was barely born. And, you know, he's like, I want to see you back at 1:15, you know, in like this great love letter to her from school. So it's just always something that he's focused on. And my mom basically would just say, you know what? Shut up. And then she got sick. So it was like, this is the medicine. This is what's going to happen. So deal with it. This is your choice.

Host (Birch Show) (13:46)

Dana, go ahead.

Caller 1 (13:47)

Hey, good morning. How are you?

Co-host 1 (13:48)

All good, thank you.

Caller 1 (13:49)

Yeah. I just wanted to say that, you know, I am a plus size woman. I'm almost 300 pounds, but I am the most confident. I feel like I am the sexiest. In fact, I get more men approaching me now that I'm at this size than when I was smaller. And it really is about being confident. And I've had people, you know, of course family members talk about the weight, but over the years they realize that it doesn't affect me. And you have to build that. You have to really know within yourself the beauty that you have within yourself. And I walk out of my stiletto heels and walk and show it off like anybody else and am proud of who I am because I know that I'm fine.

Co-host 1 (14:29)

I think some have that attitude.

Host (Birch Show) (14:31)

And, you know, as I'm watching Katrina here and I'm seeing her eyes well up and we can hear the pain in your voice. I don't know that you are capable of defining yourself as a confident, sexy woman at the weight that you're at right now, whereas this woman can. I don't know that you can.

Katrina (14:47)

Right. I feel like. I feel almost awkward. Like I'm in that in between. Like, I'm not very, very thin, I'm not very, very heavy. And it's just I'm definitely not comfortable. And a lot of it is that I appear confident because I deflect. I deflect by being loud and boisterous because, you know, obviously personality is over everything.

Co-host 1 (15:10)

But my concern is that you won't be confident when you reach whatever comfort weight. Because I don't even know if you know what your comfort weight is because you say it's not about my father, it's about what makes me comfortable. And I just think there's so much I don't know messages he's given you that I Don't know if you can differentiate the two. And so I'm, I'm concerned. I think what the caller was saying is be confident in yourself, regardless of what your weight is. Because, I don't know, I worry that you, you won't get what you're looking for just by losing weight.

Host (Birch Show) (15:38)

Yeah, I want to play Dr. Phil here for a second also, because if your expectation somewhere in your head is that you're going to lose so much weight, that your dad is going to be so proud of you, he has already built a pattern of showing you that even when you're a lesser weight, it's not good enough for him. So you can't do this for him. It will never be enough. If you have a six pack, he wants eight, he wants 12. If you're 120, he wants you to be 115. So I hope you know that you can never, ever, ever live up to his expectation.

Katrina (16:09)

Absolutely. And that's actually not the goal here. I mean, that's funny that you said that, because he actually told me and my brother to bet him a thousand dollars that he would get a six pack. It's just strange. I'm sorry, but that's him. Yeah, that's.

Co-host 2 (16:23)

Here's the other thing about. I think I've talked to friends about this who are like, you know, always like, well, when I get back to a size, blah, I'm gonna go shopping. When I get back to a whatever. It's like, then you're not living in the moment of your life. You're always in some future place. Like in the future someday. I'm gonna be happy with myself in the future. Someday. It's like, you gotta live right now. You gotta live for today. And that means live for today at the size where you are. And like that last caller said, own it. Be who you are right now, today, because tomorrow's no guarantee. And if you're always in that mindset of, like, that diet, or when I get back to the size that I wanted to be, or when I can fit into my skinny jeans or whatever else, you're not living in that day, in that present moment.

Host (Birch Show) (17:06)

Charlene, end this thing with something positive here. Come on.

Caller 2 (17:08)

Oh, I just have to say, I've been on both sides of the fence. I was married to a man. I was 125, and that was not skinny enough for him. At the same time, Now I'm over £200, and I'm married to a man who absolutely adores me. But men have nothing to do with it dear, you go on with your bad self. You are probably dead sexy. And so what if there's a few little speed bumps along the curves keep on going. You do. It probably looks fabulous.

Host (Birch Show) (17:31)

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