The Bert Show – "Vault: Discussion About Teen Sex Stats And What Parents Think" (Nov 19, 2025)

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the results of a revealing study comparing teenagers' actual sexual behaviors and parents' perceptions. The Bert Show cast—led by Bert, with co-hosts Jen and Don—discuss the surprising gaps, generational attitudes, communication challenges, and share personal as well as listener stories. The tone is candid and humorous, but also respectful of the gravity of the subject.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Discrepancy Between Teen Reality and Parental Perception

• Initial Setup (01:33-02:46):

  • Bert introduces a new study highlighting the vast disconnect between what teens actually do and what their parents believe.
  • Teen and parent groups answered questions separately; not necessarily child-parent pairs.
  • "You parents are so incredibly naive about your kids." – Bert (01:39)

• First Data Points (02:47-05:00):

  • Kissing: 96% of teens say they've kissed someone vs. 74% of parents who think their child has.
  • French Kissing: 84% of teens have, but only 43% of parents suspect their teen has.
  • Dating: 93% of teens have been on a date; only 68% of parents believe so.
  • Jen expresses surprise at the naivete: "You would think they would be a little more... But I guess when it comes to your child, you still don't want to know what's going on." (04:00)

• Notable Quotes:

  • "There's no way my kid would have her tongue in the mouth of another boy. No way." – Bert mocking typical parental denial (05:29)
  • "Probably like 13 or 14." – Jen on her first French kiss, touching on generational similarities (05:41)

2. Personal Teen Experiences From Hosts

• Hickeys, Firsts, and Teenage Stories (06:35-08:19):

  • Cast reminisces about their teenage milestones (first French kiss, hickies) and the embarrassment/secrecy surrounding them.
  • Bert shares a story about giving himself a fake hickey using a snakebite kit to appear cool in school: "The first hickey that I ever had was self-inflicted... I wanted to come into school with a hickey." (07:30)

• Humor and Relatability:

  • The cast uses their own stories to normalize the conversation and illustrate how common and early these experiences are, regardless of parental denial.

3. The Importance (and Uncomfortableness) of Parental Communication

• Active Parenting & Safe Sex (08:28-10:25):
  • A caller, Nika, shares her approach: open communication with her sons, buying them condoms, and stressing safety.
  • "I'm very strict. It's like American Express card, don't jump home without it." – Nika (08:53)
  • Only 34% of teens report having bought condoms; just 7% of parents think their kid has.
  • Jen and Bert strongly advocate for open communication: "Because they're too afraid to talk to their parents because they're afraid they're going to get grounded. But instead the alternative is, you know, the other things that are happening." – Jen (09:49)

4. Attitudes Toward Love and Pornography

• Declarations of Love & Early Exposure (10:41-11:51):
  • 68% of teens say they have told someone "I love you" and 65% have viewed an X-rated movie; only 32% and 25% of parents think their kid has, respectively.
  • "Parents shouldn't be so naive because look back at what you did." – Jen (20:11)

5. Changing Views on Sex Acts & Parental Awareness

• Oral Sex Stats (13:53-14:42):
  • 61% of teens report having received oral sex, 51% have performed it, yet only 10% and 1% of parents, respectively, believe their teens have engaged in these acts.
  • Bert notes: "51% of the teens said yes, they have performed... and only 1% of the parents think that about their kids." (19:29)
  • Jen connects generational shifts: "We've talked to teenagers [who] say that's a lot more common and isn't seen as big of a deal as even one generation ago saw it." (14:42)

6. Real-Life Calls: Stories From Parents and Teens

• Parent Who "Found Out" (14:53-16:59):

  • Another caller describes discovering her daughter's sexual activity through a creative tactic (claiming different types of birth control), then later dealing with explicit photos circulating at her daughter’s school.
  • "They said they were worse than any Hustler book, anything that you've ever seen." – Caller (16:09)
  • Bert reacts: "I can't think of a worse nightmare as a parent." (16:17)

• Pressure & Consequences From a Teen's Perspective (17:19-18:52):

  • 13-year-old Kelly (caller) shares the story of a peer suffering pressure to perform sex acts, leading to emotional consequences and dropping out of school.
  • "So much emotion that she had to drop out of school for about four months and homeschool." – Kelly (17:55)
  • Bert empathizes with the challenge: "That kind of social pressure at that age, I understand it's so intense, and it really takes a strong kid..." (17:55)
  • Discussion on the value of open parent-child communication in reducing risky behavior and emotional fallout.

7. Wrap-Up Takeaways

• Need for Honest Conversations (19:29-20:21):
  • The show closes by reiterating how important it is for parents to talk openly, no matter how uncomfortable, and for teens to feel safe approaching their parents.
  • Bert: "It's just all about talking about it and talking about and getting through those ugly, ugly conversations." (19:57)

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• “You parents are so incredibly naive about your kids.” – Bert, (01:39)
• “It's not something you really want to know, but it's something you absolutely should know.” – Jen, (01:51)
• "My attitude towards my son when he grows up is going to be more paranoid than less naive." – Bert, (04:33)
• “That is so dumb.” – Jen, reacting to parental disbelief in teen French kissing, (05:28)
• "The first hickey that I ever had was self-inflicted... I wanted to come into school with a hickey." – Bert, (07:30)
• “I'm very strict. It's like American Express card, don't jump home without it.” – Nika (caller), (08:53)
• “Because they're too afraid to talk to their parents because they're afraid they're going to get in trouble...end up in real life trouble.” – Jen, (09:49)
• "It's just all about talking about it and talking about and getting through those ugly, ugly conversations." – Bert, (19:57)
• “I think that it's just so important for teenagers to know they're not going to get in trouble for talking to you about it because that's why they don't talk to you about it.” – Jen, (20:13)

Important Timestamps

• 01:33 – 02:46: Study setup, gap in perception
• 03:19 – 05:12: Early behaviors, dating, French kissing stats
• 07:14 – 08:19: Hickeys, host self-incriminations
• 08:28 – 09:47: Parent Nika's call; open communication and safe sex
• 10:41 – 11:51: Saying "I love you" and teenage access to porn
• 13:53 – 14:42: Oral sex statistics; parental denial
• 14:53 – 16:59: Parent's story: discovering child’s sexual activity and explicit photos
• 17:19 – 18:52: Teen caller: peer pressure and consequences
• 19:29 – 20:21: Wrap-up; importance of difficult conversations

Tone and Approach

• Language: Candid, direct, peppered with humor and banter
• Style: Conversational, relatable, sometimes playful but always circling back to seriousness about the rewards of honest, sometimes awkward communication between parents and teens.

Takeaway

The episode lays bare the critical disconnect between teen realities and what parents believe about their kids’ lives. The hosts urge parents to confront uncomfortable truths and foster open conversations, suggesting this is the best way to truly protect and support their teenagers. The real-life accounts—from both parents and teens—underline just how crucial honest, nonjudgmental dialogue is while navigating adolescence.