Vault: Do Adults Really Spy On Each Other?

Summary

The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)

Episode Summary: "Vault: Do Adults Really Spy On Each Other?"

Date: December 16, 2025
Hosts: Bert & The Bert Show Cast (Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Zoe, Santa, et al.)

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Overview

This episode dives into the ethically murky world of "adult spying" in the workplace. The cast reacts to a listener call from "Joe," a man hired under unusual circumstances to covertly observe colleagues and report on their productivity—information that will be used to choose who is laid off in an impending round of downsizing. The show explores Joe’s motivations and actions, the fairness and legality of such practices, and the human impact on the employees. Throughout, the hosts and callers challenge the morality and legitimacy of Joe’s spying and of the boss who orchestrated the scheme.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Joe's Story: The Undercover Office Spy

[02:24 - 04:14]

• "Joe" calls in, explaining he was hired by a family friend (a company boss) to join a prominent company and secretly monitor workers and supervisors.
  • Quote:
    "I've been hired... to get a report [on] who's working hard and who isn't during the day. And I've seen a lot of very interesting things." — Joe, [02:24]
• Joe describes observing a workplace of 18 employees, with plans to cut down to 12.
• He admits he is underqualified (“No, not really.” [04:08]) and is paid an annual equivalent of $80,000.

Moral Grey Area

• Listeners and hosts question:
  • Is this not the role of managers?
  • Is this ethical/fair?
  • Could it be discriminatory?
• Joe confides he's taken personal likes and dislikes into account. For example, a coworker who never took him to lunch isn’t faring well in his assessment.

2. Workplace Observations

[04:34 - 09:04]

Perceived Bad Behaviors

• Women gossiping on the phone for hours, a man misusing the internet (“doing things he shouldn’t be doing”), and general slacking abound.
• There’s “Gassy,” a worker who takes three 30-minute bathroom breaks daily:
  • Quote:
    "There's a gentleman that spends 30 minutes in the bathroom... takes long bathroom breaks…he's very productive…but…I’m on the fence about him." — Joe, [06:08]
  • Hosts and listeners push back—could this be a disability?
  • Joe reveals "Gassy" gave him Braves baseball tickets, making him less likely to be cut—prompting accusations of bias.

The Hypochondriac and "Sweetie Pie"

• "The Hypochondriac” is a woman constantly claiming illness—Joe says she's bright but feels her negative attitude and incessant complaints impact morale.
• "Sweetie Pie,” a woman Joe is “romantically interested in,” is deemed “safe,” regardless of her work quality.
  • Quote:
    "She's wonderful and nothing's happened yet, but I think it will eventually... she's not the best worker." — Joe, [10:49, 11:02]
• Hosts and callers call out Joe’s clear subjectivity, noting the risk of firing strong employees for trivial or unfair reasons.

3. Ethical and Legal Ramifications

[12:30 - 17:28]

• HR Consultant calls:

  • Raises Title VII and ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act); firing based on gossip, medical issues, or attractiveness is legally risky.
    • Quote:
      "He's all over Title Seven...you can't fire people for any kind of discriminatory reason...Gassy could have a disability." — HR Consultant, [12:55]
  • Even in Georgia’s “right to work” context, employers must document justification (the “matrix”) for layoffs, especially for protected groups (over 45, etc.).
  • Employees have a right to see the basis for their selection.

• Hosts & Callers React:

  • The boss is blamed for poor management practices.
  • Joe is criticized for immaturity and lack of professionalism.
  • Listeners warn about real-life consequences—loss of livelihood and difficulty finding new employment.

4. Morality, Human Impact, and Accountability

[18:00 - 19:56]

• Bert presses Joe to consider the lives impacted by his assessment.
  • Quote:
    “These are lives at stake, man... people that deserve to be in that office.” — Bert, [18:01]
  • Joe retorts:
    “Yeah, but my life's at stake too, and this is a job for me. And he's gonna do the thing anyway.” — Joe, [18:10]
  • Listeners counter that ethical conduct matters, even if it affects your own job.
• Joe insists he will report concrete behavior but continues to cite subjective and personal experiences as justification.

5. The Boss's Responsibility and Limits of At-Will Employment

[13:23 - 16:48]

• Even in at-will states, arbitrary or undocumented firings open companies to lawsuits.
• If layoffs occur, especially for protected characteristics (age, disability), the employer must supply evidence.
• Employees can and do fight back when their livelihoods are unfairly threatened.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “There are a few people... who haven’t been so nice to me…and he’s not looking good. Not a very nice guy.” — Joe, [03:19]
• “Some of the girls are four hours on the phone with their friends...they act like they’re working, but they’re gossiping.” — Joe, [03:37]
• “Come on, how fair is this?” — Bert, after Joe admits sports tickets sway his judgment, [07:39]
• “You’re abusing this position.” — Concerned Listener, [07:45]
• “She’s not even a good worker.” — Bert, about "Sweetie Pie", [11:02]
• “He is all over Title Seven…you can’t fire people for any kind of discriminatory reason.” — HR Consultant, [12:55]
• “If there’s no file on these people…and you don’t have a file of any complaints…I would absolutely have a problem with that.” — Concerned Listener, [13:10]
• “I think you’re forgetting that these are lives at stake here, man.” — Bert, [18:01]
• “You sound…like a very insecure person who needs a lot of attention.” — Skeptical Listener, [18:31]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:11] — Introduction to the main topic: Do adults spy on each other?
• [02:24 – 04:14] — Joe describes his undercover role and methods.
• [06:08 – 08:11] — Discussion of “Gassy” and ethical concerns over bathroom breaks/possible disabilities.
• [08:17 – 09:58] — The “Hypochondriac” and how Joe’s bias shapes outcomes.
• [11:02 – 11:49] — “Sweetie Pie,” workplace crush, and how favoritism affects decision-making.
• [12:32 – 16:48] — HR experts weigh in on legality and consequences.
• [18:00 – 19:56] — Final confrontation: Ethical ramifications and listeners’ reaction.

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Tone & Style

The episode utilizes the Bert Show’s trademark blend of humor, real talk, and listener engagement. The cast is witty but also expresses indignation and concern at the situation, urging listeners to consider the moral gravity of workplace decisions.

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Overall Impression

This episode offers an unvarnished, sometimes uncomfortable look at what can happen when unqualified individuals are asked to make important staffing decisions, the hidden ways adults "spy" on each other, and the profound ethical, legal, and human consequences of such surveillance. While at times lighthearted, the cast draws a hard line on the importance of fairness, transparency, and workplace dignity.

For those considering similar schemes—employers, beware. For employees—know your rights.

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Transcript

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[Host (Bert)]

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[Santa]

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[Zoe]

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[Host (Bert)]

We just started talking about spine and stuff. And we were like, do people really, as adults, spy on each other? And we got this call yesterday from quote, unquote, Joe.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Well, friend of my father's asked me to go to work. It is very prominent company to see who was working and who was playing around during the day. He's going to do some cutbacks. And so I've been hired in a very small. At the bottom of the totem pole, basically to see. To get a report who's working hard and who isn't during the day. And I've seen a lot of very interesting things.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

I can understand the theory behind that decision, but isn't that, like the job of the managers to be able to keep an eye on the employees and make that deter.

[Host (Bert)]

He has his eye on the managers.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Yes, I do. That's part of my job. I'm looking at the supervisors and also, you know, the lower tiered people and looking at Everybody. There are 18 employees who's going down to 12, and they don't know it. They have no idea how much they're about to lose.

[Santa]

Has anybody already been eliminated or saved in your mind?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Well, there are a few people, you know, who haven't been so nice to me. And one guy in particular, you know, he's never taken me to lunch. He's never thanked me for, you know, doing the chores that I've done under him. And he's not looking good. Not a very nice guy.

[Host (Bert)]

What are some of the things you've seen going on already?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Some of the girls are four hours on the phone with their friends. And, you know, they act like they're working, but they're gossiping. And, you know, one guy's on the Internet constantly doing things that shouldn't be doing on the office computer and such like that. These people are pretty much gone and everybody's not looking good right now. A lot of people. So it's gonna be hard to e and cut it down to 6.

[Santa]

Does anything qualify you to do this?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

No, not really.

[Host (Bert)]

I'm just curious. Can you say how much he's paying you to do this and how long it's been going on?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

I've been there for six weeks and I'm being paid very nicely.

[Host (Bert)]

How much are we talking about? Well. Well, park, you're in a voice disguiser.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Oh, okay. I'm making 80 grand.

[Host (Bert)]

80 grand for six weeks of work?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

No, no, no, that's the annual. That would be the annual salary, yes. There's one Girl that's safe.

[Host (Bert)]

There's a.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

A drama with this one girl that I kind of like in the office.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

Oh, no.

[Host (Bert)]

You mean like, like, like in a sexual kind of way?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Well, in a romantic type of way, yes.

[Host (Bert)]

And she's safe no matter what she does for the next week, I would say she's safe. Having that kind of power is awful. Kicking that harp's ass today. Hey, Joe.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Yes, good morning. How are you?

[Host (Bert)]

Joe has agreed to come on with us every day, and he's gonna tell us what he saw the last 24 hours and kind of give us a rundown of really what he's gonna end up telling the boss at work in order to make the cuts. So what'd you see over the last 24 hours, man?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Made a few decisions, I think, and I understand that I'm gonna be doing this until May 1st. That's the first decision that was made.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

Okay.

[Host (Bert)]

Okay. So that's when the first cut happens.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Yes.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

Okay.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Yeah. And I. And I thought I'd describe some of the characters that I work with.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

Hold on. Quick question before. Is that just gonna be one person or is that gonna be all six?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

I think that's gonna be the big shebang.

[Host (Bert)]

All six in one day.

[Santa]

That's when the last class bell rings and the entire team runs down to the gym to see who made first team and who made second team.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

Right.

[Host (Bert)]

I'd rather have that whole big cut at one time.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

Yes.

[Host (Bert)]

Rather than knowing every day you came into work that it could be me today.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

Yeah.

[Host (Bert)]

Yep.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

And it'll be a Friday afternoon.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Yeah.

[Host (Bert)]

You know it. If you get called into the boss's office on Friday.

[Santa]

Yeah.

[Host (Bert)]

At least you get some relaxation on Monday.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

They have no idea.

[Host (Bert)]

So what'd you see over the last 24 hours that has swayed you one way or the other with some of these people?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Well, the one character that I was watching yesterday, I'd like to call him Gassy.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

Oh, no.

[Zoe]

Oh, no.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

There's a gentleman that spends 30 minutes in the bathroom. He takes long bathroom breaks. He's obviously got some intestinal problems, so.

[Host (Bert)]

He would just sit in the stall for 30 minutes. Does he bring in, like, an AJC with him?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

I don't know what an AJC is.

[Host (Bert)]

The Atlanta Journal Constitution.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Santa]

Okay.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

He brings. He doesn't bring a magazine. No. But he just. Paper. He just sits there and he's gone for a long time. And I'm on the fence about him because he doesn't. You know, he's very productive in the Office.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

So now, how often, Joe, does he spend time in the bathroom?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

I would say he takes a good three bathroom breaks a day and 30 minutes each time.

[Host (Bert)]

He's got irritable bowel syndrome. Or he's just slacking off.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Yeah, I. I can't tell which.

[Host (Bert)]

He could be lactose intolerant.

[Santa]

But I.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Like to call him gassy and gassy. But the thing is, he's a good guy, and he got.

[Host (Bert)]

You fire a guy for being gassy, but I guess you can fire a guy for taking 90 minutes worth of. Of breaks.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. But the thing is, is that the other night, he got me and some of my friends tickets to the Braves game on Tuesday night. And they were great tickets, even though the Braves lost. And, you know, I want to get some Braves tickets during the year.

[Host (Bert)]

Come on, how fair is this?

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

You gotta judge them on their performance, not on what they're doing for you.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

You're abusing this position.

[Santa]

He said that he was a good employee. He just took long breaks. So if he accomplishes more spending, you know.

[Host (Bert)]

No.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

Okay, that's fine, but that's not why he's making his decision. He's making his decision because his Braves ticket.

[Host (Bert)]

You're gonna end up firing somebody that deserves to be there just because you're getting free tickets from Gassy. This is people's lives at stake here, man.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

Yeah, that's not cool, Gassy.

[Santa]

I can't wait to get the trading cards.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Well, you know, he's on the fence right now, so we'll see what happens.

[Host (Bert)]

All right, who is. Who else?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

We got a young lady I like to call the hypochondriac.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

Okay.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

She's constantly laying her head on her desk, always complaining something's wrong. A headache, a migraine. And I think she's pretty much gone. She's a complainer, so she claims there's something wrong with her.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

Now, how was her work? I mean, how was her productivity?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

No, she's very smart. She's a very smart lady, but she's constantly complaining. And this is something sick. She's sick. There's germs. And I just. She's not a. I think she's definitely on my list. Being gone.

[Host (Bert)]

Well, that's almost an understandable one there. Because even if she's getting her work done, if she's like a cancer to everybody else there and she's spreading a bad attitude, then that makes sense to me why you could let her go.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Exactly. And it's making everyone else feel safe because she's Always sick. There's something going wrong. So, okay, those are the characters that I've been watching the last 24 hours.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

I'd love to see that woman's pill closet. Have you guys ever known a real hypochondriac?

[Zoe]

Uh huh.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

I, When I was growing up, my neighbor's mom was a hypochondriac. And you should have seen that woman's cabinets in her bathroom.

[Santa]

Like prescriptions.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

And every, I mean, she had every affliction known to man and it was all, oh, unbelievable to watch those. Like if it's a real, like, I don't know if he's exaggerating because I'm sorry, quote unquote, Joe, but you don't hold a ton of credibility with me right now. Cause of the whole Braves tickets thing. And then yesterday you talked about wanting to save some guy cause he took you to lunch and the other one didn't or whatever. So I don't know if you're just making up this hypochondriac thing because you don't like this woman, but if we were to do a case study on like a real hypochondriac. Fascinating, really. Those are really fascinating.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

And those are always the ones. Not only are their medicine cabinet in their home and sometimes kitchen cabinets full of prescriptions, but they're the type that when they walk, their purse jiggles with pills because they carry half of their, you know, medicine cabinet in their purse.

[Host (Bert)]

Is she like that or are you just nicknaming her this? Because she just complains a lot that she's not feeling good.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Oh no, this is her, this is her pills for everything. Remedies for everything.

[Host (Bert)]

Really?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Oh yeah. Vitamins. Maybe 10 different vitamins every day. So.

[Host (Bert)]

And always complaining about the. That her joints are aching, her muscles are sore or something.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

The joints are aching, her menstrual cycle, this and that. The main thing is germs. Germs. So.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

So Joe, you know you mentioned somebody yesterday that we deemed Sweetie pie. And this is a woman in the office who is safe because you think she's hot. So how's that going?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

She's wonderful. And nothing's happened yet, but I think it will eventually. And I'm trying to wait till all this is finished, but she is, she's wonderful and very good worker. I guess I'm just.

[Host (Bert)]

Yeah, this is the question I was going to ask you. If you were a legitimate consultant and you went in there and you were observing sweetie pie, as you call her, would you say she's one of the better workers in the office? Honestly, no. So you'd be willing to. You're willing to keep her on even though she's not a great employee because you have kind of a thing for her and you're gonna fire somebody that legitimately should be there?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Well, I don't think there's a lot of people in the office that should be fired, from what I've seen. But Sweetie Pie is a wonderful person, and she deserves credit for that. I'm giving her credit for that.

[Host (Bert)]

You almost can't blame this guy. You gotta blame the boss that decided to hire him.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

You know, I'm not knowing any better. I wish we could get in touch with the boss.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

Because lives are at stake. I mean, you think this is a game and this is a joke, but, I mean, these are people's careers and their lives and the livelihoods, and I'd really, you know, I. I just think it. Yeah, I. I just think it's crap.

[Host (Bert)]

Hey, Joe, hold on one second, okay?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Okay.

[Host (Bert)]

I'm gonna put some other listeners on, but I can't put both of you guys on together or everybody's gonna be on the voice disguise.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

All right?

[Host (Bert)]

So hold on one sec.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

Because it seems that Joe, who is at an age where he doesn't know what the AJC is, is a guy who.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

He's real mature to make decisions.

[Santa]

Does he take the AJC with him? I'm sorry, I don't know what you're referring to.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

So he's at an age where he doesn't understand what responsibility is about and what building a career is about, and that kind of thing.

[Host (Bert)]

Is the voice disguiser off there?

[Zoe]

Jeff?

[Host (Bert)]

You still playing Hangman?

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

Okay.

[Host (Bert)]

Morning, Kathy. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[HR Consultant (Lisa/Kathy/Tracy)]

Hey, Bert, how are you doing?

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

Good.

[Host (Bert)]

How are you?

[HR Consultant (Lisa/Kathy/Tracy)]

I'm wonderful. I'm sitting here listening to this. I'm an HR consultant here in Atlanta. And the guy that hired this person, I mean, he is. He really needs to weigh his risk here, because this guy's talking about, you know, keeping people because they're cute. Fire people because they're gassy. He's all over Title seven. I mean, what's that?

[Host (Bert)]

What Title seven is? What is that?

[HR Consultant (Lisa/Kathy/Tracy)]

Title seven is a civil rights act, and it says, you know, you can't hire. You cannot fire people for any kind of discriminatory reason. You know, and all over the ada, which is Americans with Disability. Gassy could have a disability.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

True. That's true.

[HR Consultant (Lisa/Kathy/Tracy)]

You know?

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

Well, I mean.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

And if there's no file on These people, like, that's another thing. If you fire me from a job I've been at out of the blue just like that, and you don't have a file of any complaints or any problems or any meetings with me, I would absolutely have a problem with that.

[Host (Bert)]

I almost, like, don't, like. I don't really, like, blame this guy. I mean, he's just some nobody that.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

I know, but still.

[Host (Bert)]

It's not fair. For sure, But, I mean, it's the boss that made this decision to have this guy in and making decisions on who's gonna keep their job and who's not.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

Well, I don't think it totally takes this guy out of the wrong, exactly. He's an adult, and he's still totally acting immature and completely in the wrong. But my question is, can't employers fire you for any reason whatsoever? They don't even have to have a reason in Georgia, can they?

[Santa]

I think so. Because if they're downsizing and there's a.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

Financial reason, that's all they have to say. We're downsizing.

[Host (Bert)]

Sorry.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

That's it.

[Host (Bert)]

Morning, Tracy. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[HR Consultant (Lisa/Kathy/Tracy)]

Hey, good morning, guys. My comment is on May 1st, when he goes in to report all this stuff on these people, is he going to say, quote unquote, I'm not gonna. Sweetie pie is safe because she's a hottie and Gassy is getting the ax because I wasn't sure about Brave tickets?

[Host (Bert)]

That's a great question. That's a great question.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

No, because he's not a. He's not a consultant. He is the son of this guy's best friend. All he has to say are, these the people that I don't think are good workers? And I mean, because that's all he's got to say. And I guess, okay, because this is his best friend's son.

[Host (Bert)]

Raises a good point. We'll ask him if he's going to go in there and give legitimate reasons why they should be axed or is he just going to give a list of names?

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

I just.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

I don't think he has to justify. Because of the family, you know, the family friendship.

[Santa]

And I'm going to guess the boss. This man is like, this is a boss who's not in the department. Like, he's probably so far removed from it. That's why he's saying this again. Because if you're a boss and you work in the department and it's only 18 people, you know who's pulling their weight and who's not, you know, what the rumors are around the office and who's taking three 30 minute bathroom breaks a day. Like you know that you don't need to send somebody in. So I bet he's just going to put a list together and go in order from 1 to 18. Here's who I think should be let go.

[Host (Bert)]

We'll get him back on in a second to answer that. Okay, Lisa, you're gonna be the last call on this this time around. We're gonna talk to him again tomorrow.

[HR Consultant (Lisa/Kathy/Tracy)]

Hey, how you doing?

[Host (Bert)]

Good. And yourself?

[HR Consultant (Lisa/Kathy/Tracy)]

I'm doing great. Just sitting in beautiful Atlanta. Traffic in the rain. I've been in HR for about 12 years and I've gone through several downsizings and Georgia is a right to hire and fire state, but that doesn't hold squat in court. Doesn't matter. You have to have a reason. Even in a downsizing. You've got to create a matrix as to why one person was let go over another, especially if they're in the same position or if they're over 45.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

Because I think on the other side, like, we cannot forget about these people and these lives that are affected by this. If I was fired even in a downsizing and if my livelihood and especially in this economy and it's hard to get another job, then, I mean, as the fired employer, I would do everything I could in order to try to get something to live by. So what she's saying is, you know, I don't think these employees, if they don't feel they were fired for legitimate reasons, are just going to sit back and say, you know what, you're right. I mean, they're going to try to fight it totally.

[HR Consultant (Lisa/Kathy/Tracy)]

And the employees have every right to request to see the matrix as to why they were chosen over another person. If they, like you said, if there's no file or no history of disciplinary problems or, you know, any known reasons, they just show it one day and, you know, you get the old adage of the pink slip. The employee has the right to see that matrix and why it was determined that they over another person, they have complete access to that information.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

Now, you said earlier, unless they're 45, what does that mean?

[HR Consultant (Lisa/Kathy/Tracy)]

Protection. If you're over 45, you have age protection. And that employers have to have even more reason as to why you were let go. Your age discrimination. And you have like, if you're under 45 and you're let go and you're offered a severance package, you only have usually like 10 days to review and sign and return that severance agreement if you're over the age of 45. You can have anywhere from 45 to 60 days to actually review and dispute anything in the severance agreement.

[Host (Bert)]

And now you know why. The reason why McCoy's still on the air over at Stark.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

Oh, Bert.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

See, Remember that conversation.

[Santa]

I can't.

[Host (Bert)]

Rude. Say that. Rude.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

I don't think that's.

[Host (Bert)]

He's rude.

[Santa]

Birds. You know, he's not even a man. Damn him.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

It's that blurred line of confidence and arrogance and being a jerk. Men don't know the difference.

[Santa]

And I think you should remember you have a birthday coming up next week.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

Stop it.

[Host (Bert)]

What does that mean? I'm approaching the same age. Hey, will you put the voice disguiser back on? Let's get Joe on. Hey, Joe.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Yeah.

[Host (Bert)]

Hey, man, I think really the bottom line here, dude, is that I think you're forgetting that these are lives at stake here, man. I mean, there are people that deserve to be in that office.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Yeah, but my life's at stake too, and this is a job for me. And he's gonna do the thing anyway.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

So, you know, so do it ethically. So do it right and do it ethically and base it upon their work and their productivity, not upon their personality or, you know, or whether they like you or not.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Well, I am basing it on their work and their productivity. That's exactly what.

[Santa]

You're not keeping the hottie around because.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

She'S hot and she's giving you attention. You sound to me like a very insecure person who needs a lot of attention. And if people don't give it to you or make you feel like you're the coolest, whatever, then you're gonna have them on the get fired list.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Well, I think it's a pretty good indicator how you treat people is how you're with the team in the long term.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

You are self centered, you know, Don't.

[Host (Bert)]

You don't think I am.

[Santa]

Son of a butterstick.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

I think I'm gonna give you, him a pretty accurate report on how these people are, you know?

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

What kind of report are you gonna give? Tell me what you're gonna say about sweetie pie that justifies her staying there. And I mean, because what you've told us has nothing to do with her job.

[Host (Bert)]

Yeah. Are you legitimately gonna tell him, look, this is the reason why this guy's got to go. This is the reason why he's got to go and she's got to go. Or are you gonna make stuff up?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

No, I'M not gonna make anything up. I'm gonna say, you know, he gassy, takes three, you know, 30 minute bathroom breaks. You know, so and so is cheap. Even though he makes a lot of money, he should be taking me out to lunch. Things like this he never did for all the chores I did for him. And, you know, I'm gonna tell him about hypochondriac. I'll call her. You know, laying her head on the desk, you know, complaining this and that. She's making everyone else in the office feel sick that there's nothing dishonest about that at all.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

What about Sweetie Pie?

[Joe (Office Spy)]

She's like the sweetest person in the.

[Host (Bert)]

World, but she's not even a good worker.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

Not.

[Host (Bert)]

We're not going to make you. I'm not going to make you realize what you're doing here. All right, Joe, all right. We'll talk to you later, man.

[Caller 1 (Concerned Listener)]

Now let's. Yeah, let's see if Sweetie Pie, you know, accepts his advances or rejects them before the 1st of May, and then that'll determine her job. And that's, you know, that's a typical workplace environment for some people.

[Host (Bert)]

Joe will check in with you tomorrow.

[Joe (Office Spy)]

Okay?

[Host (Bert)]

All right, bye.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

I'm done with him.

[Host (Bert)]

We've got four days to try to figure out, you know, how to talk him out of this.

[Caller 2 (Skeptical Listener)]

I don't like him.

[Zoe]

The Birch Show.

[Mrs. Claus's Sister]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree, Zoe.

[Zoe]

This thing weighs a ton.

[Host (Bert)]

Brusky. Live with your legs, man.

[Zoe]

Santa.

[Host (Bert)]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Zoe]

He's talking to you, Brittus. I'm not.

[Mrs. Claus's Sister]

Of course he did. Right, Santa?

[Host (Bert)]

You know my elf Drew Ski here.

[Zoe]

He handles the nice and elf. I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile, you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus?

[Mrs. Claus's Sister]

I'm Mrs. Claus's much younger sister. And at T Mobile, there's no trade in needed when you switch. So you can keep your old phone.

[Host (Bert)]

Or give it as a gift.

[Mrs. Claus's Sister]

And the best part, you can make the switch to T Mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[Santa]

Nice.

[Zoe]

My side of the tree is slipping, Jim. Bam. The holidays are better. AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 month legal credits for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 device connection charge credits and imbalance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel financing agreement 256 gigs $830 eligible for it in a new line $100 plus a month plan with auto payments, taxes and fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line.

[Host (Bert)]

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[Zoe]

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[Host (Bert)]

Try to tough it out.

[Zoe]

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[Host (Bert)]

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[Zoe]

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[Host (Bert)]

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[Zoe]

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[Host (Bert)]

Keep out of reach of children.