Vault: Do Women Pretend to Be Helpless to Make Men Feel Manly?

Summary

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The Bert Show: "Vault: Do Women Pretend to Be Helpless to Make Men Feel Manly?"

Date: March 31, 2026
Main Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abbey, Cassie, Tommy & callers

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Episode Overview

Theme:
This episode of The Bert Show takes a playful yet thought-provoking dive into a listener-inspired question: Do women purposely act helpless or downplay their abilities to boost their partner’s ego? The crew and callers candidly discuss the common dynamics in relationships where women “stroke” their man’s ego—whether by pretending not to know things, letting their partner “win” at tasks, or feeding into traditional gender roles—all to spare feelings or maintain relationship harmony.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. “Stroking” a Man’s Ego in Relationships

Timestamps: 00:53–04:53

• The conversation kicks off with a host recounting a listener dilemma: Should a woman intentionally lose at trivia to let her boyfriend feel good, even if she’s smarter?
• Caller Shamarra admits to habitually deferring to her partner on decisions—even when she knows better—because “he has to get his word across” (01:44).
• Small gestures to let men feel in charge have become second nature to some women:

  “It’s so many times, I can’t even count.” —Shamarra (02:33)

• Doing this regularly “saves on arguments and confusion,” making for a smoother relationship.

2. Ego Strokes: Dishonesty or Relationship Management?

Timestamps: 02:56–05:14

• Co-hosts debate if men return this favor—would a man lie about a meal tasting good? Shamarra quickly responds, “If I cook a bad meal, he’s gonna say, babe, this meal is horrible... the steak is a little tough.” (03:03)
• The idea emerges that stroking egos has turned into a lifestyle for some, as “men are such sensitive creatures.” (03:16)
• Some male hosts joke that their partners must do this for them, but plead, “Don’t ever let him find out.” (03:19/03:26).
• There’s playful banter about the necessity for the “facade” to remain in place.

3. Stroking Egos at Home & At Work

Timestamps: 03:36–04:39

• A panelist wonders if this dynamic happens outside romantic relationships—like at work.
• There’s agreement that the behavior extends to other relationships, hinting at deeply entrenched social expectations.

4. Household Roles and the Masculinity Script

Timestamps: 04:39–06:45

• Topics: The “manly” grill master, repeat meals, and allowable domains for male pride.
• Anecdote: A caller’s boyfriend only cooks the same nacho dish, which she pretends to love repeatedly, to reinforce his one culinary triumph (03:59).
• Classic moment:

  “If you’re faking it in one area, he thinks everything’s great. So if he’s not good, how’s it any different?” —Host (04:41)

• Discussion about “manly” domains—grilling, boating, lifting heavy things—where women pretend ignorance or inability.

5. Pretending Helplessness: Family Traditions & Advice

Timestamps: 07:42–08:33

• A caller shares family wisdom passed down from her mother and grandmother:

  “Never let a man know that you can lift anything heavy... We all can open the pickle jar, but don’t let them know that. Take it to them and say, ‘I’m too weak.’” —Caller (07:44)

• This traditional advice is presented as loving, strategic—and now almost subconscious for many women.

6. Frustrations and Realizations

Timestamps: 08:33–09:39

• Another caller vents about letting her husband drive the boat or grill, even though she’s vastly more experienced.
• Hosts and panelists realize that:

  “Guys, whenever you feel like you’re in control in the house, that’s when she’s lying to you.” —Host (09:15)

• The “Wizard of Oz” metaphor: Men shouldn’t look “behind the curtain” or question whether their competence is genuine or orchestrated.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Relationship Management:

  “It’s very important most times that you do stroke your man’s ego... Even though I could be totally doing the opposite. But I’m like, ‘Yeah, honey, you’re so right. You’re so smart.’”
  —Shamarra (01:44)

• On Gender Roles:

  “If I ever feel in charge in my house, I will know immediately that Stacy is just lying to me.” —Host (05:08)

• Family Traditions:

  “Never let a man know that you can lift anything heavy... Take it to them and say, ‘I’m too weak.’” —Caller quoting her grandmother (07:45)

• Self-Awareness and Humor:

  “Guys, whenever you feel like you're in control in the house, that's when she's lying to you." —Host (09:15)
  “Don’t see the man behind the curtain. Just leave it be.” —Co-host (09:30)

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Key Segments by Timestamp

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------| | 00:53 | Episode premise and introduction to “ego stroking” | | 01:44 | Shamarra details how and why she boosts her man’s ego | | 03:09 | Discussion about honesty and ego in meal feedback | | 04:39 | The grilling/boat-driving “manly” job conversation | | 07:44 | Family advice on “acting helpless” for men’s benefit| | 08:33 | Realizations about everyday gendered deference | | 09:15 | The “Wizard of Oz” metaphor unveiled |

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Tone & Style

The episode balances sincerity, humor, and self-awareness. While hosts and callers poke fun at traditions and gender roles, there’s also genuine reflection on why these patterns persist and how they shape daily relationship interactions.

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For Listeners Who Haven't Heard the Episode

Whether you’re male or female, this episode is an insightful and at times hilarious exploration of how traditional gender dynamics play out in modern relationships. The candid confessions, playful banter, and generational advice provide both levity and food for thought on why some women still “dumb it down” or act helpless to make the men in their lives feel needed and manly.

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Transcript

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[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW Group voidware prohibited by law. 21+, terms and conditions apply. You're on the Birch Show. Jeff. I think you and I are gonna be pretty bummed by the end of this segment. Dude. We had a virtual listener call a couple of minutes ago, and the question really was, should I stroke this dude's ego that I'm going out with right now? Even though I can kick his butt in trivia, things are going so well in the relationship. Should I just throw him a bone from time to time? And the calls were coming in, people were like, yeah, of course. You know, you're getting what you want out of it. I mean, can it really hurt? So I asked, what are you guys doing to stroke your man's ego? And the phone lines are just lit up, man. We could probably do this for the next 19 hours. So we'll get to those in a second here. But Shamarra said, it's not just one time you need to do this, you need to do it all the time. Are you saying live like this constant lie with the dude that you're seeing?

[Shamarra]

It's not a lie. No, it's not a lie at all. But it's very important that most times that you do stroke your man's ego. I know sometimes my guy, I'll probably ask him something about work. What should I do with a situation? Even though I already have the answer in my head, I just let him tell me, you know, babe, you should do X, Y and Z. And I'm like, you know what? You're right. Even though I could be totally doing the opposite. But I'm like, yeah, honey, you're so right. You're so smart. Or I'll let him tell me everything. I'm trying to start my own business. I'll let him give me the guidelines on how to do X, Y and Z, even though I already know. But I just go ahead and let him tell me because he has to get his word across. So I just go ahead and make him feel like he's right every time.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

So how many times a day do you think that you sort of do these little white lies to your man just to make him feel good about himself? We talking about twice? We talking about 40?

[Caller or Guest]

I don't know.

[Shamarra]

It's so many times, I can't even count.

[Co-host or Panelist]

It's just the way that you are now. You've trained yourself so well that you don't even have to think about it anymore, do you?

[Shamarra]

I don't even think about it that much anymore. I just go, you know what? You're right. It saves a lot of arguments, too. It saves on arguments, it saves on confusion. He loves it and how long. Nice gift from it and everything sometimes. So it just depends on your guy.

[Co-host or Panelist]

My question is, do you think he does it back to you at all? Like, if you cook a bad meal, is he gonna be like, oh, baby, that's.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

No.

[Shamarra]

If I cook a bad meal, he's gonna say, babe, this meal is horrible. Oh, no, sweetheart, the steak is a little tough.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

All right? So her thought is that you don't do it just once or twice. It is become a lifestyle because you

[Co-host or Panelist]

men are such sensitive creatures.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

I would never. I'm sure Stacy is doing this with me. I'm sure. I'm positive. But he can never find out. Don't ever let him find out. Never, never, never, never, never, never, never.

[Voice Disguiser / Panelist]

Does it happen?

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

Wait, one more Never, never.

[Voice Disguiser / Panelist]

Does it happen in non dating relationships as well?

[Co-host or Panelist]

Like at the office, for example?

[Shamarra]

Aw, you're concerned.

[Co-host or Panelist]

I'm guessing Tracy does it to you about 12 times a day.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

I'm a man, and I do it to you about 12 times. Dana, good morning. You're on Q100 other ways that you are stroking your man's eagle.

[Shamarra]

Hey, my boyfriend. Oh, my God. He cooks the same meal every time. Oh, it's so good. And he loves Mexican.

[Caller or Guest]

He loves nachos.

[Shamarra]

I swear to God, if I eat

[Caller or Guest]

another nacho,

[Voice Disguiser / Panelist]

I'm the voice disguiser. Dana, why aren't you on the voice disguiser?

[Caller or Guest]

These are so great.

[Shamarra]

But I'm like, okay, can you find another type of cuisine or something?

[Co-host or Panelist]

Do you think that by you striking his ego on those nachos makes him think, oh, this is my best. Yeah, you're part of doing the same thing. I'm sorry I said. And he. That's why he's, you know, one track mind, same things. Well, this works.

[Shamarra]

That's it. I'm telling you.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

So y' all are partly to blame, then. I mean, it's the same conversation that we had a whole bunch of times after 8:30 that if you're faking it in one area, he thinks everything's great. So if he's not good, how's it any different?

[Co-host or Panelist]

But don't you want to feel like a man sometimes?

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

Nah.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Well, you're the exception.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

Of course I do.

[Co-host or Panelist]

You know what I mean? Like, I mean, we're giving you the opportunity to be more manly and be macho and be in charge. We're letting you think that we need you.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

If I ever feel in charge in my house, I will know immediately that Stacy is just lying to me.

[Shamarra]

What do you mean?

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

Cause I know that. I mean, we just have roles. Like, I know what she's good at.

[Co-host or Panelist]

I think there's probably plenty of things that she allows you to be the man on. I think that we don't want to find out because we don't want to ruin the facade.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

No, I don't want to know.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Stacy, don't call and tell us.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

I don't want to know.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Bert doesn't want to know. But I'm sure there's things that she does.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

Hey, Christine.

[Voice Disguiser / Panelist]

Good morning.

[Caller or Guest]

For me, it's the boat pretend not

[Co-host or Panelist]

to know anything about, right?

[Caller or Guest]

And the weird thing is, you know, my father had a boat. My dad used to let my brother

[Shamarra]

and I take it out on the Intercoastal Waterway.

[Caller or Guest]

I mean, I know how to do the boat. Drive it, park it, you know, dock it. Everything with my husband, I just have to, like, sit. I have to pretend like I can't do it. I don't know what the controls mean. It's everything about it.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

It must drive you. I could hear. I could still hear the frustration in your voice.

[Voice Disguiser / Panelist]

Like when she. When he bangs it up against the dock, pulling in, like, in choppy waters. And you're like, God, if you had just put it sideways, it would have drifted right in there.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

What were you gonna say, Jen?

[Co-host or Panelist]

I was just gonna say, my mom and dad have been married for almost 40 years. And she said, hers is the grill. She's like, I don't want to learn.

[Voice Disguiser / Panelist]

That's a big one.

[Co-host or Panelist]

I don't want to know. I want him to be the expert. I want to just pretend like I can't do it. So my dad's been, you know, the man of the grill and grilling the meat because he's manly.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

I had that one for a while, and I loved my Weber like that. I loved getting the charcoal on my hand. I loved smelling like meat.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

I loved it all. And she took it away from me. She got, like, this electric. This outside oven thing.

[Caller or Guest]

That's great.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

And so that part of my testicles is gone now. Also.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Can I tell you what mistake I

[Voice Disguiser / Panelist]

witnessed the emasculating of a guy just a couple weekends ago. We were over at their house, and there are a bunch of us, and she had started up the grill. His wife had started up the grill. And there were a plate of steaks and chickens and burgers and stuff on the thing. And she says to me, do you know how to grill? Will you cook these? He doesn't know how to grill. And points at her husband. And you can see his face like,

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

you can't do that in front of another man.

[Voice Disguiser / Panelist]

And then he goes, yeah, I just. I don't know. I always burn stuff.

[Caller or Guest]

That's one thing that is a man's

[Co-host or Panelist]

job is the grill.

[Shamarra]

Don't go anywhere near.

[Voice Disguiser / Panelist]

Well, we want that. We don't. Ladies, get away from the fire. Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

We want to protect you.

[Voice Disguiser / Panelist]

Yeah.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Only guy knows how to cook a

steak and a burger.

[Voice Disguiser / Panelist]

You don't understand how we are putting meat on flame, woman. Back away.

[Caller or Guest]

Spice it.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Right, right.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

Good morning, Robin. You're on Q1. Hundreds.

[Caller or Guest]

Hey, good morning.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

Good morning.

[Caller or Guest]

Good morning.

But this goes back to my wedding day, and my mom came to me and thought she was going to impart some great words of wisdom to me about being married. And she told me that on her wedding day, that her mom came to her and sat her down and said, never let a man know that you can lift anything heavy.

Yeah.

And she said, it's little things every single day. We all can open the pickle jar, but don't let them know that. Take it to them and say, I'm too weak. I can't open this. Can you please open this for me? And things like that. Every single day. Little things like that.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

I had no idea.

[Co-host or Panelist]

It is true. You do it so subconsciously.

[Caller or Guest]

You don't even think about things like that.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

You don't.

[Caller or Guest]

No. You just.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

Now it's just woven into.

[Co-host or Panelist]

I think when you're used to doing a lot on your own or you're somebody that just, like, wants to get it done. When you get it done, you forget that. You know, maybe you should take a step back.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

Hey, Jessica. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller or Guest]

Almost everything that these women have called in and said that they're doing to their man, I have done the same thing. I grew up on a lake driving a boat, driving the jet skis, and I know how to park. I know how to pull people on a wakeboard on anything. And when you put my husband at the wheel, it is like, honey, what are you doing? He tries so hard, and I want to let him learn how to do it, but sometimes it gets so frustrating. If he is just killing somebody that's behind the boat or all this stuff on the grill, I probably know how to cook better than him, but I still have to let him cook it. And I'm like, mm, this honey, this is really good. You've really done a good job tonight on this meal.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

Here's what I'm learning here is that, guys, whenever you feel like you're in control in the house, that's when she's lying to you, right?

[Co-host or Panelist]

Well, here's the danger. It's almost like the wizard of Oz, I think, guys, tonight, don't ask. Don't ask.

[Voice Disguiser / Panelist]

Don't see what's behind the curtain.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Don't see the man behind the curtain. Just. Just leave it be. Because don't ask, like, oh, well, honey, do you ever kind of dumb it down for me? You don't know the answer.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

Men just assume you're awesome.

[Voice Disguiser / Panelist]

And, ladies, if your man does ask, it is your job to go.

[Caller or Guest]

No.

[Voice Disguiser / Panelist]

What do you mean?

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

It's the stupidest show ever.

[Co-host or Panelist]

They don't know what they're talking about.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

You're on the Burt Show.

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up, March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day, there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time. Scores, breaking news, and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment.

[Host (possibly Burt or Jeff)]

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[Bleacher Report Announcer]

Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up, March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment.