The Bert Show – "Vault: Dude Tries To Cancel His AOL Account"

Date: November 6, 2025
Podcast Host: Bert and the Bert Show team (Jessica, Lisa, John, others)
Episode Focus: The infamously difficult process of canceling an AOL account, mixing listener stories, humor, and a viral incident.

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the legendary hassle of trying to cancel an AOL account. Prompted by a viral audio clip of a man’s incredibly frustrating attempt to quit AOL, the hosts and listeners share their own stories—ranging from marathon calls to legal threats—all while riffing on nostalgia, corporate clinginess, and the enduring stigma of an "@aol.com" address. The tone is light, witty, and at times, playfully exasperated as they poke fun at AOL’s notorious retention tactics.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. AOL Email Stigma

• Burt opens up about his lingering embarrassment at still having an AOL account, feeling outdated compared to those who’ve switched to Gmail or other modern providers.
  • Quote: "I feel, like, a lot of pressure right now because I still have an AOL account. In the computer and emailing world, that's just lame." (00:30)
• The team jokes about past surveys showing certain emails (AOL, Hotmail) are considered “retro” or even childish.

2. AOL’s Retention Tactics: The Urban Legend

• Burt and Jessica explain that AOL is infamous for making it near-impossible to close accounts, offering incredible deals or free months just to retain customers.
  • Burt: "They make it as hard for you as they absolutely can." (01:54)
• Multiple hosts and listeners describe always ending up with extra months of “free” AOL after threatening cancellation.

3. Viral Clip: The Ultimate Cancellation Nightmare (Segment: 04:22 – 09:25)

• The heart of the episode: Burt plays a now-famous recorded call of Vincent Ferrari attempting (and struggling) to cancel his father’s AOL account.
  • AOL rep repeatedly counters the cancellation request with questions, usage statistics, and retention offers.
  • The call escalates in frustration with Ferrari pleading:
    • Vincent Ferrari: "I don't know how to make this any clearer, so I'm just gonna say it one last time. Cancel the account." (06:49)
    • AOL Rep: "I'm just trying to help here."
    • Ferrari: "You're annoying the out of me. That's what you're doing to me. Cancel the account, please." (07:40)
  • [Notable Quote] "All you got to do is look at me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want your AOL account anymore, and I will let you go." (09:46)
• The team compares the interaction to a breakup that just won’t end.

4. Listener Stories: The AOL Quick-Sand

• Diana: Recounts four months of free AOL after repeated cancellation attempts. (03:15)
• Regina: To cancel her account, she had to detail her entire life to the rep and ultimately involve a lawyer after a lawsuit threat over $95. (10:02)
  • Quote: "I had to tell them a whole life story. I had to actually get a lawyer involved." (10:32)
• Jeremy: His experience corroborates the viral call—he mentions a girlfriend who worked at AOL and got commissions for each retained account.
  • Quote: "They actually got a commission... She had a check one time, it was like fifteen hundred dollars... for a week." (12:33)
• Lisa: "It's like the mafia, man. Once you sign up, there ain't no getting up." (14:45)
• Another Lisa: Details being so persistent that the rep gave her a personal email for future issues, but she was left emotionally exhausted and technically never escaped AOL. (14:22–15:36)
  • Quote: "I was crying when I got off the phone with her... And I'm still a member." (15:16)

5. Fact-Checking the Viral Call

• Jessica verifies the story on Snopes and NBC, declaring it legitimate.
  • Quote: "I found the story up there. And basically, it says it's true. It links right over to NBC 10... and they have the transcript." (11:37)
• Listener Jimmy adds: "That guy is real. I saw him on CNN over the weekend." (13:31)
• Confirmation that the AOL rep involved was later fired after the incident made national news. (13:51)

6. The Corporate Retention Game

• The show compares AOL’s tactics to those of credit card companies and cell providers, sharing frustration with “exit resistance” industry-wide.
• Quote: "It's cult of AOL... Once you're in, you cannot get out." (15:44)
• Reference to The Godfather: "Just when you think you're out, they pull you out, bring you back in." (15:45)

Notable & Memorable Quotes

• Burt: "I feel, like, a lot of pressure right now because I still have an AOL account." (00:30)
• Jessica: "If you have, like, hot sexy thing ... at something, something, it shows that you're like 12. And then if you have an AOL account, people think of it as more juvenile." (01:10)
• Burt: "They make it as hard for you as they absolutely can." (01:54)
• Vincent Ferrari: (audio clip) "Cancel the account. I don't know how to make this any clearer for you. Cancel the account." (06:49)
• Jessica: "Cult of AOL." (15:44)
• Burt: "It's like the mafia, man. Once you sign up, there ain't no getting up." (14:45)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:30 – Burt confesses AOL stigma, sparking the topic
• 03:15 – Listener Diana's story: repeated free months after threats to cancel
• 04:22 – 09:25 – Audio of Vincent Ferrari’s notorious AOL cancellation attempt
• 10:02 – Regina: Legal battle to cancel AOL
• 11:37 – Jessica verifies the viral audio’s authenticity on Snopes
• 12:33 – Jeremy: Insider view—AOL retention reps earned commission
• 14:22 – Listener Lisa: Emotional toll of trying to cancel, still on AOL
• 15:44 – Show closes on the “cult of AOL” metaphor and Godfather reference

Tone & Style

• Lively, irreverent banter; comedic and self-deprecating
• Relatable—hosts openly share their own frustrations and invite listeners to vent
• Informal verification of viral internet stories, but always with a wink and nod to audience skepticism

Conclusion

A hilarious and cathartic look at the struggle many Americans have faced freeing themselves from AOL, this episode is both a trip down tech memory lane and a wry commentary on corporate customer retention. Exaggerated but truthful, The Bert Show turns these stories into a communal laughingstock—with a strong whiff of "misery loves company." If you've ever tried (and failed) to quit a stubborn service, you'll relate—and probably cringe—in recognition.