Vault: Dude Tries To Cancel His AOL Account

Summary

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The Bert Show – "Vault: Dude Tries To Cancel His AOL Account"

Date: November 6, 2025
Podcast Host: Bert and the Bert Show team (Jessica, Lisa, John, others)
Episode Focus: The infamously difficult process of canceling an AOL account, mixing listener stories, humor, and a viral incident.

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the legendary hassle of trying to cancel an AOL account. Prompted by a viral audio clip of a man’s incredibly frustrating attempt to quit AOL, the hosts and listeners share their own stories—ranging from marathon calls to legal threats—all while riffing on nostalgia, corporate clinginess, and the enduring stigma of an "@aol.com" address. The tone is light, witty, and at times, playfully exasperated as they poke fun at AOL’s notorious retention tactics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. AOL Email Stigma

• Burt opens up about his lingering embarrassment at still having an AOL account, feeling outdated compared to those who’ve switched to Gmail or other modern providers.
  • Quote: "I feel, like, a lot of pressure right now because I still have an AOL account. In the computer and emailing world, that's just lame." (00:30)
• The team jokes about past surveys showing certain emails (AOL, Hotmail) are considered “retro” or even childish.

2. AOL’s Retention Tactics: The Urban Legend

• Burt and Jessica explain that AOL is infamous for making it near-impossible to close accounts, offering incredible deals or free months just to retain customers.
  • Burt: "They make it as hard for you as they absolutely can." (01:54)
• Multiple hosts and listeners describe always ending up with extra months of “free” AOL after threatening cancellation.

3. Viral Clip: The Ultimate Cancellation Nightmare (Segment: 04:22 – 09:25)

• The heart of the episode: Burt plays a now-famous recorded call of Vincent Ferrari attempting (and struggling) to cancel his father’s AOL account.
  • AOL rep repeatedly counters the cancellation request with questions, usage statistics, and retention offers.
  • The call escalates in frustration with Ferrari pleading:
    • Vincent Ferrari: "I don't know how to make this any clearer, so I'm just gonna say it one last time. Cancel the account." (06:49)
    • AOL Rep: "I'm just trying to help here."
    • Ferrari: "You're annoying the out of me. That's what you're doing to me. Cancel the account, please." (07:40)
  • [Notable Quote] "All you got to do is look at me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want your AOL account anymore, and I will let you go." (09:46)
• The team compares the interaction to a breakup that just won’t end.

4. Listener Stories: The AOL Quick-Sand

• Diana: Recounts four months of free AOL after repeated cancellation attempts. (03:15)
• Regina: To cancel her account, she had to detail her entire life to the rep and ultimately involve a lawyer after a lawsuit threat over $95. (10:02)
  • Quote: "I had to tell them a whole life story. I had to actually get a lawyer involved." (10:32)
• Jeremy: His experience corroborates the viral call—he mentions a girlfriend who worked at AOL and got commissions for each retained account.
  • Quote: "They actually got a commission... She had a check one time, it was like fifteen hundred dollars... for a week." (12:33)
• Lisa: "It's like the mafia, man. Once you sign up, there ain't no getting up." (14:45)
• Another Lisa: Details being so persistent that the rep gave her a personal email for future issues, but she was left emotionally exhausted and technically never escaped AOL. (14:22–15:36)
  • Quote: "I was crying when I got off the phone with her... And I'm still a member." (15:16)

5. Fact-Checking the Viral Call

• Jessica verifies the story on Snopes and NBC, declaring it legitimate.
  • Quote: "I found the story up there. And basically, it says it's true. It links right over to NBC 10... and they have the transcript." (11:37)
• Listener Jimmy adds: "That guy is real. I saw him on CNN over the weekend." (13:31)
• Confirmation that the AOL rep involved was later fired after the incident made national news. (13:51)

6. The Corporate Retention Game

• The show compares AOL’s tactics to those of credit card companies and cell providers, sharing frustration with “exit resistance” industry-wide.
• Quote: "It's cult of AOL... Once you're in, you cannot get out." (15:44)
• Reference to The Godfather: "Just when you think you're out, they pull you out, bring you back in." (15:45)

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Notable & Memorable Quotes

• Burt: "I feel, like, a lot of pressure right now because I still have an AOL account." (00:30)
• Jessica: "If you have, like, hot sexy thing ... at something, something, it shows that you're like 12. And then if you have an AOL account, people think of it as more juvenile." (01:10)
• Burt: "They make it as hard for you as they absolutely can." (01:54)
• Vincent Ferrari: (audio clip) "Cancel the account. I don't know how to make this any clearer for you. Cancel the account." (06:49)
• Jessica: "Cult of AOL." (15:44)
• Burt: "It's like the mafia, man. Once you sign up, there ain't no getting up." (14:45)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:30 – Burt confesses AOL stigma, sparking the topic
• 03:15 – Listener Diana's story: repeated free months after threats to cancel
• 04:22 – 09:25 – Audio of Vincent Ferrari’s notorious AOL cancellation attempt
• 10:02 – Regina: Legal battle to cancel AOL
• 11:37 – Jessica verifies the viral audio’s authenticity on Snopes
• 12:33 – Jeremy: Insider view—AOL retention reps earned commission
• 14:22 – Listener Lisa: Emotional toll of trying to cancel, still on AOL
• 15:44 – Show closes on the “cult of AOL” metaphor and Godfather reference

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Tone & Style

• Lively, irreverent banter; comedic and self-deprecating
• Relatable—hosts openly share their own frustrations and invite listeners to vent
• Informal verification of viral internet stories, but always with a wink and nod to audience skepticism

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Conclusion

A hilarious and cathartic look at the struggle many Americans have faced freeing themselves from AOL, this episode is both a trip down tech memory lane and a wry commentary on corporate customer retention. Exaggerated but truthful, The Bert Show turns these stories into a communal laughingstock—with a strong whiff of "misery loves company." If you've ever tried (and failed) to quit a stubborn service, you'll relate—and probably cringe—in recognition.

Transcript

[Burt]

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[John]

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[Jessica]

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[Burt]

The fight for our future starts with belief in our nation and its promise in our future and its potential. Together, we answer America's call to win. We are Marines. We were made for this. So, like, in the computer world, like, I feel, like, a lot of pressure right now because I still have an AOL account. And, like, in the computer and emailing world, that's just lame. That's just. And I'm almost embarrassed when I send out emails because I know it'[e-mail] and it should be like Gmail or Bellsouth or.

[Lisa]

There's a lot of people on AOL.

[Burt]

Is there still, like. I mean, I still get the mailings.

[Jessica]

I get in the mail and stuff, but I do. Didn't we do some sort of survey or something that says what your email address says about you? And it was like, if you have, like, hot sexy thing, you know, with some recruit number at something, something, something, it shows that you're like 12. And then if, you know, if you have an AOL account, people think of it as more juvenile.

[Burt]

Yeah, it's a. Well, it's a stigma that goes along with it. Like, if it's a Gmail account, I think people recognize that you're fairly technologically savvy and you're kind of, like, trendy and up to date on things. And if you have, like, an AOL account, like, I do, like, I get emails back all the time from people going, dude, what's with the retro AOL account?

[Jessica]

Oh, really?

[Burt]

Yeah. I mean, it's just. It's just. It's almost, like, laughable. It's almost laughable now. And I think part of the reason why I haven't tried to cancel, because AOL has this reputation of not allowing you to leave America Online. They make it as hard for you as they absolutely can.

[Jessica]

They just give it to you for free or what?

[Burt]

So you're just beat down. They will. Like, we. I think we might have done this where we have taken calls from people that negotiated, like, these amazing deals on AOL just at the threat of leaving. And the person on the other end is like, you know what? Whatever. It's gonna take two. Two cents. Two cents a month. Just stay with aol. And they've got an amazing, amazing deal. It's just because they will not allow you to leave America Online. And I have a clip that I'm gonna play for you that is circulating around the Internet right now from a guy that. That called America Online. This is not a phone scam. Real call. At least he's claiming it's a real call. Calls aol. Apparently, they won't let him off. So he calls back and he records the call with America Online. And the dude that he gets will absolutely not let him leave that account. He won't do it. You can hear him both getting frustrated with each other.

[Jessica]

Really.

[Burt]

AOL won't let him leave. I'm going to play it for you in just a second. But for those of you that have tried, you can probably empathize with this guy. Hey, Diana. Good morning. You're on the Bird show.

[Lisa]

Hello. My husband and I got married. We each had our own separate AOL account. And then when we switched to Comcast, we kind of figured it was useless. So we both each ended up getting about four months of free service. Because every month we called to cancel, we were given another free month.

[Burt]

That's exactly what we did. The one, this one day, it was. It was like a year ago or so where we asked people how long they've had their AOL account for free. Because what Diana here is saying is that every time you call up, they just keep tacking on free months at aol.

[Lisa]

Right, Exactly. So if you want free AOL service, just call and say you want to cancel.

[Burt]

Yeah, that's it.

[Jessica]

There you go. Save some money next month.

[Burt]

That's the trick. Hey, Jessica. Good morning. You're on the birth show.

[Lisa]

Good morning. How are you guys?

[Burt]

Good. How are you doing?

[Lisa]

Great. Every time I try to cancel aol, they always give me, like, six months free.

[Burt]

Yeah, you can go your entire life and never have to pay for aol. And if you just pay for it for one month.

[Lisa]

Exactly. It's great.

[Jessica]

What's funny about it is that they were one of the leaders, you know, when everybody started, you know, online and getting emails and everything, they were one of the, like, hippest, coolest ones. I wonder why. What changed?

[Burt]

They have this reputation now of just not allowing you to take off. And let me prove this to You. This is an actual phone call from a guy calling AOL just to cancel his account for his dad. Now it's on his, it's under his name, so he legally should be able to cancel this. It's a little lengthy, it's a little laborious to listen to at times. But wait till you hear the reaction from the AOL guy. This is an actual call.

[John]

Hi, this is John at aol. How may I help you today? I wanted to cancel my account. Sorry to hear that. Go ahead and pull your account up here real quick. Can I have your name please? Vincent Ferrari. Okay, Vincent. And for the privacy and security, can I have last four digits of your payment method, please? All right, thank you very much. Okay. Had this account for a long time. Yep. This is quite a bit. What was causing you to turn this off today? I just don't use it anymore. Do you have a high speed connection like the DSLR cable? Yep. Okay, how long have you had that?

[Burt]

Years.

[John]

Okay, well, actually I'm showing a lot of usage on this account. Yeah, a long time ago, not recently. Oh, the Pops Ferrari account was on 71 hours since the 24th of last month. No, he wasn't. He doesn't even have the AOL software installed on his computer. You're looking at AIM usage probably. No, it's AIM Research doesn't come on to this. He doesn't have the AOL software installed on his computer. Oh, this is. This is your problem, man. Yep. Okay, I'm looking at this account. Either way, whatever you're saying, what's causing. Wanna turn this off today? I mean, obviously, I mean, I don't use it and he doesn't use it, so we're canceling. I'm telling you, he doesn't use the account. The software is not even on his computer. Well, okay. I mean, is there a problem with the software itself? No, I just. I don't use it. I don't need it. I don't want it. I just don't need it anymore. Okay, so when you use this, I mean use the computer. I'm saying, is that for business or for. What difference does it make? I don't want the AOL account anymore. Can we please cancel it? Well, on June 2nd, this account was signed on. It was been offered 72 hours. On June 2nd. I don't know how to make it any clearer. Last year was 540, last month was 545 hours of usage. I don't know how to make this any clearer, so I'm just gonna say it One last time. Cancel the account. Well, explain to me what's what. I'm not explaining anything to you. Cancel the account. Well, what's the matter, man? So, I mean, we're just. I'm just trying to help here. You're not helping me. You're helping me with helping me. Listen, I called to cancel the account. Helping me would be canceling the account. Please help me and actually cancel. Cancel. The worst thing. Cancel the account. Is your dad there? My dad? I'm the primary pay. I'm the primary person, not my debt cancel account. I'm just trying to secure. Cancel the account. I don't know how to make this any clearer for you. Cancel the account. The card is mine. In my name. The account is mine. And in my name, when I say cancel the account, I don't mean help me figure out how to keep it. I mean cancel the account. I'm sorry. I don't know what anybody's done to you, Vincent, but this is. You're annoying the out of me. That's what you're doing to me. Cancel the account, please. Okay, now that goes both ways, my friend. Good. Can you please. All right. Someday when you calm down, you're going to realize all I was trying to do is help you, and it was actually in your best interest to listen. Wonderful. Okay, yeah, great. When that epiphany happens, then just give us a call back. Wait. As a processor cancellation request, I have to tell you about a free benefit available for varied members like yourself. We'll continue to provide you some features available.

[Burt]

Don't want it.

[John]

I know. I know the drill. I don't even want it. Don't even bother. If you want me to cancel this account, you're gonna let me speak and give this paragraph, okay? Because if not, we can star you all day. I don't. I really don't care, to be honest with you, but you're gonna listen to me. If you want this turned off. So can I speak now? Go right ahead. Thank you. Appreciate that. As I process your cancellation request, let's tell you about a free benefit available from value members like yourself. We will continue to provide you some features of the able service even after membership has been canceled. @awl.com you can keep your existing email buddy list, address book, and more at no cost for as long as you like. There's no catch. This is a way of continuing our relationship with you. We know you. We know you'll enjoy. Keep your same email. Just go to aol.com log into the screen of A password, an email confirming the cancellation. We delivered to your free e.com email for 24 hours. Complete this cancellation.

[Burt]

So he goes on and on and on and on. But you get the general gist here that the dude just would not let him cancel aol.

[Lisa]

Oh, my God.

[Burt]

I was getting more and more angry listening to that. I told Bird off air. I said, that sounds like that relationship where, okay, I just think we should break up. But why? I don't understand.

[Jessica]

What. What? But I.

[Burt]

Okay, fine. We'll just stay together.

[Jessica]

You know, like, you just get so beat down.

[Burt]

All you got to do is look at me in the eyes and tell me that you don't want your AOL account anymore, and I will let you go. All right, look to you. I don't want my AOL account anymore. You don't mean that. You really don't mean that. Regina, Good morning. You're on the Birch show. All the hits. Q100. Hi.

[Lisa]

Good morning. Good morning, y'.

[John]

All.

[Lisa]

I had a problem when I was pregnant with twins, and I was trying to cut my courses. So I cancel aol because they were real expensive. So I called and told him, I want to cancel. Oh, we got three months free. Can you please cancel? I'm gonna see email about having three months free. No, I want to cancel. Why you want to cancel? Because I want to cut my course. Why you want to cut your course? Cause I haven't twins. I had to tell them a whole life story for them to cancel aol. I came to work, told my co worker. He said, oh, my gosh. I was on the phone with him last night trying to do the same thing. They would not let me cancel. I had to actually get a lawyer involved.

[Jessica]

You're kidding.

[Lisa]

No, I had to get a lawyer, and they sued me. They were going to sue me for $95, and I had to get a lawyer and threaten them for them to leave me alone.

[Burt]

So it ended up costing you how much money in order to get off your AOL account?

[Lisa]

Well, the $95 I never paid because I had threatened them about the lawyer, and they just left me alone. So they never called me back about it. It's not on my credit, so I.

[John]

Guess they just dropped it.

[Lisa]

But it took that much for them to cancel me.

[Burt]

Thank you for calling. Now, I do want to say this. This is. This is audio that is circulating around the Internet. Is it real or not? I have to, like, actually question it because when we do phone scans and stuff like that, we. After. We. After Jeff does the phone Scam. I've never done one, but he's told me that legally we have to tell them we just recorded that call, and it's gonna be on the radio. Are you cool with it? And they say yes. So in a case like this, I don't know how you could record the call and not tell the AOL dude that I just recorded your phone call. I'm gonna put it on the Internet. Maybe the rules for the Internet are different. I don't know.

[Jessica]

Well, I just looked it up, because when Bert played it, I'm immediately suspect. So I looked it up on that website, snopes.com and I found the story up there. And basically, it says it's true. It links right over to NBC 10, which is the NBC affiliate in Greater Philadelphia. And they have the first report of the story, and they have the entire, you know, what do they call it when they type out Transcript. The transcript of the phone call right here. And it is Vincent Ferrari.

[Burt]

It's a real deal.

[Jessica]

It's from an NBC affiliate in Philadelphia.

[Burt]

Hey, Jeremy, good morning. You're on the Burt show. All the hits, Q100.

[John]

Hey, I can vouch for that a little bit. I had to try to cancel an account. It kind of went down a little bit like that. I had to get rude with the guy. But what I was calling for is I dated a girl in Spokane, Water, Washington, that worked for aol. And they actually got a commission. Like, they offered you two months free if you stay till the end of that two months. The AOL operators got a commission off of that.

[Burt]

Oh, is that right? So that's why they're keeping you on so long and trying to keep you onto that account.

[John]

Yeah, I mean, they. She had a check one time. It was like fifteen hundred dollars. Of all the people, you know, the accounts that she saved, it stayed with her one time, and that was, like, for a week. So it's crazy.

[Burt]

Wow. Yeah. And these stories are, like, legendary. And I really do believe that's half the reason why I've never actually tried to cancel. Good morning, Robin. You're on the Burke Show. Hi.

[Lisa]

My story's a little bit different. It was when I called to cancel the girl. I guess it depends on who you get. Because the girl that I got, she was like. She asked me, you know, why I was canceling, And I said, because I didn't need the service anymore. She's like, okay. And then I believe she tried to offer me something. I can't remember. But then I, you know, I told her I Didn't want that. She's like, okay. So then she gave me the spiel at the end, and that was it. My account was canceled, and I didn't have any trouble at all.

[Jessica]

Great.

[Burt]

All right.

[Jessica]

She got fired the next day.

[Burt]

Good morning, Jimmy. You're on the Burt show on all the hits. Q100.

[John]

Hey, that guy is real. I saw him on CNN over the weekend.

[Burt]

Okay, so it's a real story. Like, I don't know what the rules are as far as FCC goes with Internet stuff. I don't, but I don't. I guess you don't have to have permission because obviously the AOL employee wouldn't say, yeah, for sure. No problem.

[John]

Actually got fired.

[Burt]

Oh, he did?

[John]

Yeah. AOL responded and said that that's not their normal practice, yada, yada, yada, and he ended up getting fired.

[Burt]

Okay.

[John]

Capital One Visa is almost as bad. I canceled my account recently, and they have to keep it open for 45 days before they'll let you actually close it.

[Burt]

So does the Vikings come chase you when you try to. Yeah. Try to cancel and talk you back into it. Cell providers sometimes are really brutal on you also, man. Like, good luck with that. Good morning. You're on the Birch show. All the hits. Q100.

[Lisa]

Good morning. It's Lisa.

[Burt]

Hey, Lisa.

[Lisa]

Good morning. All the hits. You guys walk. I want to tell you, it's the truth. I'm looking at my bank card statement right now. They have refunded me 2 months AOL. They have dropped my rate down to 9.95amonth until I can get it back to. The lady would not let me get off the phone. She gave me her personal email address if I have any problems.

[Burt]

It's like the mafia, man. Once you sign up, there ain't no getting up.

[Lisa]

I don't know if I could say that. That's what we are calling it. I mean, we are calling it literally, the mafia. It's the truth. It's the truth.

[Burt]

Tony Soprano on every time you call it's the truth.

[Lisa]

And I heard the guy come in about Capital One. That's another story for another day. That is true about them, too. They will not let you go.

[Burt]

You know, it's. Eventually people will find out. You know, you can keep the clients for a little while, but eventually people are gonna find out. You're gonna lose them anyway in the long run, you know?

[Lisa]

And like the woman said, she had to tell her life story. I had to go through my whole life, too. And, I mean, I was crying when I got off the phone with her because, I mean, I was trying to explain to her why I was canceling, why I wanted to get a new computer and everything. And I'm still. I'm still a member. I'm looking at my credit card statement right now. I cannot believe this was the topic this morning.

[Burt]

They won't let you out. You're in forever. You're a lifer, Lisa.

[Lisa]

Okay, I'm home. Okay, thank you, guys, and have a good morning.

[Burt]

Thank you. You too.

[Jessica]

Cult of aol.

[Burt]

Serious, man. Once you're in, you cannot get out. They will not relocate you. Forget it. What's the line from the Godfather? Just when you think you're out, they pull you out, bring you back in.

[John]

Dude, did you order the new iPhone 17 Pro? Got it from Verizon, the best 5G network in America. I never looked so good. You look the same. But with this camera, everything looks better. Especially me.

[Burt]

You haven't changed your hair in 15 years. Selfies check, please. With Verizon. Get the new iPhone 17 Pro, designed to be the most powerful iPhone ever, Plus a new iPad and Apple One. No trade in needed. Offer ends November 5th with a new line on Unlimited Ultimate Best 5G Tours. Root Metrics Data, United States, 20 to 2025. All rights reserved. Additional terms apply for all offers. See verizon.com for details.

[John]

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[Lisa]

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[John]

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