The Bert Show – “Vault: Have You Ever Tailed Your Spouse?”
Date: January 12, 2026
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and others)
Episode Overview
This episode of The Bert Show delves into the surprisingly common—and deeply emotional—act of tailing a spouse or partner out of distrust. Prompted by a storyline from Desperate Housewives, Bert and the crew invite listeners to share personal experiences of literally following their significant other in a vehicle when suspicions run high. The ensuing conversation features compelling, sometimes heartbreaking listener stories, a real-time call with a man tailing his wife, and candid reflections on trust, infidelity, and the fundamental breakdowns in relationships that lead people to such lengths.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Desperate Housewives Inspiration
- The episode kicks off with Bert referencing a Desperate Housewives subplot where a character tails her boyfriend due to lingering mistrust.
- Purpose: To open a broader discussion regarding the real-life act of physically tailing a partner and whether listeners have done the same, clarifying the difference between active tailing and borderline “stalking” behaviors.
[02:07] Bert: “Now follow this storyline and we're gonna need some real honesty from women this morning…have you ever done this?”
2. Defining "Tailing" vs. Stalking
- Bert distinguishes active trailing (following someone's vehicle) from more invasive behaviors (like watching someone from afar or “stalking”).
- The intent is to keep the conversation grounded in actions listeners might actually admit to, rather than extreme or illegal conduct.
[03:54] Bert: “I'm not looking for stalking calls...I'm talking about literally getting in your car and following your boyfriend or your husband. Because you had that much distrust, you tailed him.”
3. Real-Time Caller: Jonathan Tails His Wife
- The most dramatic moment comes as “Jonathan” (voice disguised) describes tailing his wife in real time during the broadcast.
- Jonathan suspects infidelity after finding a suspicious note and recounts a history of cheating in the relationship.
- The cast challenges him on what evidence he has and questions the logic of why he doesn't simply confront his wife.
[04:33] Jonathan: “I'm doing it right now as we speak.”
[05:00] Jonathan: “I just gotta know for sure. She's lying. Just lying.”
- He lays out his rationale, involvements of his mother-in-law, and admits to being “fed up,” emphasizing the emotional weight and desperation that drives him to act.
- After tailing his wife for a while, he discovers she did as she said, taking their daughter to school, illustrating the paranoia such situations provoke.
[14:02] Jonathan: “Yeah. But she wound up going to the school.”
4. Other Listener Stories
a. Jesse – Stepdad Tails Mom
- Jesse recounts her stepfather tailing her mother to the tanning salon, then becoming irate when another man held open a door for her mother.
- He went as far as running the man's plates (with law enforcement help), exposing how jealousy and suspicion can escalate.
[08:31] Jesse: “[My stepdad] followed her to the tanning bed...a guy held open the door for her...He got this man’s tag number...ran the man’s tag number, got his name and phone number and address...”
b. Wade – Catching a Spouse in the Act
- Wade shares the pain of following his wife to a restaurant, only to discover her with his neighbor—someone he’d previously confided in.
- The story highlights the agony and sense of betrayal that accompanies such discoveries.
[10:44] Wade: “Oh, yeah...this guy is a friend of mine...watched him for about 30 minutes, hugging and kissing in the booth.”
c. Veronica – Husband & Cousin
- Veronica’s story is especially dramatic; suspecting her husband, she tails him and witnesses him checking into a motel with her cousin.
- She documents the evidence and files for divorce.
[12:28] Veronica: “He pulled in to a motel and my cousin was like, she was smoking. She was waiting for him outside. And they both went in and they stayed there for like about an hour...I had a camera and I also took pictures and went to my lawyer and I filed for divorce.”
5. Reflection and Analysis by the Cast
- The hosts discuss how, once someone gets to the point of tailing, trust in the relationship is fundamentally broken.
- They recognize that trailing is typically a last resort when someone feels their partner isn’t being honest, and they need to see proof for themselves.
[11:39] Bert: “If you’re tailing, it’s done. Isn’t the relationship over if you’ve got to tail somebody?” [13:27] Co-Host: “Because most people aren’t honest...that’s why I think that the trailing comes in, you know, or tailing.”
- There’s general agreement that cheating irreparably damages trust. Even if a relationship continues, suspicion is never fully gone.
[15:56] Bert: “...You screw around one time, forget it. You could try to stay together...but there will always be in the back of your mind that distrust. It is never ever the same.”
6. Returning to Jonathan
- Jonathan calls back; after all the anxiety, his wife simply took their daughter to school.
- Despite this, he remains unsure, indicating that once trust is broken, even innocent actions can seem suspicious.
[14:23] Bert: “Isn't the letter itself incriminating enough to where you wouldn't have to like see it?...you saw it in the letter, dude.” [16:17] Co-Host: “Have you talked to her, just point blank about her having an affair right now or the fact that you think the marriage is over?” [16:44] Jonathan: “Well, then if she’s not, then I guess I’m just overreacting.”
- The hosts empathize, acknowledging the pain and uncertainty, but assert the need for resolution, either through honest conversation or acceptance that the mistrust is itself a fatal problem.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- [03:49] “When your father was cheating on me, I used to follow him all the time. I know my stuff.” – (From Desperate Housewives clip, setting tone for episode.)
- [04:33] “I'm doing it right now as we speak.” – Jonathan, describing live tailing.
- [11:39] “If you're tailing, it's done. Isn't the relationship over if you've got to tail somebody?” – Bert, summarizing the cost of lost trust.
- [15:02] “Having to live with that kind of distrust when you're on the road...your mind is probably going way crazier than the reality of it.” – Bert, empathizing with Jonathan.
- [16:56] “Yeah, you have a big problem. You still got a big problem, bro. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? ...if you're tailing her right now, and the good news is she's not screwing around, you still have business to take care of, you know?” – Bert, on the futility of suspicion without trust.
Timestamps for Key Segments
| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-----------|--------------------------------------------------| | 02:07 | Bert introduces the “tailing” topic | | 04:22 | Jonathan calls in and reveals he's tailing wife | | 08:15 | Jesse shares stepdad’s story tailing her mom | | 09:50 | Wade’s account of catching wife with neighbor | | 11:52 | Veronica’s story of husband & cousin in motel | | 13:47 | Hosts reflect on why people tail their partners | | 14:00 | Jonathan updates: wife went to daughter's school | | 15:02 | Bert and co-hosts discuss aftermath of discovering trust issues | | 16:56 | Final advice and reflections for Jonathan |
Tone and Takeaways
The tone is candid, empathetic, and at times darkly humorous, but always authentic to the show’s conversational style. Listeners and hosts alike reveal raw pain, shock, and the destructive power of mistrust. The episode underlines how easily suspicion can become a self-fulfilling spiral, making clear that infidelity—real or suspected—often puts relationships past a practical point of no return. At its core, the discussion becomes less about the act of tailing and more about the deeper, sometimes irreparable, wounds that drive people to such extremes.
Summary
This episode gives a raw, honest look into the lengths people will go when they’ve lost trust in a relationship. Through real-time calls, deeply personal anecdotes, and sharp on-air analysis, The Bert Show explores just how common—and devastating—acts of tailing, suspicion, and betrayal are behind closed doors. No matter the outcome, the consensus is clear: when trust is shattered, the real problem isn’t just finding proof—it’s repairing, or letting go of, the relationship itself.