The Bert Show – Vault: He And His Wife Haven't Been On Speaking Terms For Days!

Date: December 15, 2025
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)

Episode Overview

This episode delves into the theme of extended silent treatments within relationships—romantic, familial, or between roommates. The cast, primarily Bert, Lee, Crash, and callers, trade stories about long stretches of not speaking to household members, exploring what fuels these cold wars, their impact, and the often-humorous or painful realities of refusing to break the ice.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Nature of Passionate, Tumultuous Relationships

• Crash’s Situation:
  Crash, a show member, shares that he and his wife haven’t spoken to each other for four days following an argument. He opens up about the cyclical drama in their relationship, suggesting some couples thrive on passionate highs and lows (03:57).

  • Quote (Crash, 02:18):
    "Yeah, you know what? I kind of agree with you. I mean, part of the passion is the drama. And you do have to kind of stir the pot every now and then. A lot of people do live for that. They really do."
  • Lee observes: Some couples are steady and conflict-averse, but for “passionate” pairs, the highs and lows are intense:
    "When they love each other, it's very passionate. And when they're angry … it's very passionate. And when it's boring, it's boring. If there's no passion of some level." (01:59)

• The Toll on Friendships:
  Crash relates how the drama affected his friendships, as friends would only see him when he was fighting with his partner:

  • "I lost all my friends and it took me buying a lot of shots at American Pie to get all my friends back." (03:16)

2. The Mechanics of Silent Treatment

• Crash and his Wife:

  • They share a house but have successfully avoided all contact for about 82 hours (four days). Schedules make this easier—he works early mornings and late into the evening (05:33).
  • Quote (Crash): "The beauty of me getting up at 4 o'clock … there's really not a whole lot of time to bump into each other. Pretty much, it's the perfect marriage, really, if you think about it." (05:33)

• Personal Reactions from the Hosts:

  • Bert (Show Host) expresses bewilderment at the idea of not communicating to resolve fights. In his home, disagreement must be worked out quickly:
    • "This isn't an option in my house. If there's a fight, we have to ... go away at least feeling semi okay with each other within like 20 minutes of the argument." (06:23)

3. Callers’ Stories: Extreme Examples of Silence

• Michelle Bernstein:

  • Went 14 days without talking to her husband (07:47)
    • "And he's a great guy ... he's laid back. When he knows I'm pissed, he'll leave me alone until I'm ready to talk." (08:35)
  • Went 8 months in the same house without speaking to her father—he was angry about her joining the army (07:54)

• Lee on Silent Treatment Escalation:

  • She hates when her partner is nonreactive to her silence and sometimes resorts to “slamming doors ... just to get him to talk again.” (08:50)
    • Bert and Lee bond over nighttime passive-aggressive moves:
      "I'll do the dramatic toss and turn just to wake you up and then just wait for you to say, are you still up?" (09:14)

• Roommates’ Communication Breakdown:

  • Caller Shay shares that she and her roommate went “three months without talking”—only exchanging notes about bills (09:35)
    • "We would only communicate by notes ... if we had to bump into each other, we would just, like, look at each other, go the opposite way." (09:51)

• Generational Silence:

  • One caller’s dad and grandmother went four months without talking (10:44)
  • Discussion: Should parents or children be the ones to break the ice after a conflict? Bert shares he hasn’t spoken to his own father for over a year, suggesting some adults believe the child should reach out (11:17)

• Stepfamily Dynamics:

  • Nicole shares a three-year silence with her stepmom—prompted after her dad insisted the stepmom stop saying anything negative, resulting in complete silence instead (12:14)

• Sibling Stalemate:

  • Ava and her brother didn’t speak for three years while living and working together, all because he disapproved of her boyfriend (12:38)
    • "He didn't talk to me. He hated the guy I was going out with, so he didn't talk to me." (12:48)

4. Emotional and Social Realities

• Loneliness at Shared Meals:
  • Bert describes the unique misery of silent family dinners:
    • "That's the loneliest time right there is dinner when everybody is all at the same dinner table ... and there's always that uncomfortable silence when everybody's eating. That's when you feel it most, I think, right there." (13:38)
  • Lee notes, "The noise of the fork hitting the plate was as loud as it is when nobody's talking at the dinner table." (13:50)

Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• "Part of the passion is the drama. And you do have to kind of stir the pot every now and then. ... When it's high, it's high. When it's low, it's horrible."
  — Crash, 02:18

• "I lost all my friends and it took me buying a lot of shots at American Pie to get all my friends back."
  — Crash, 03:16

• "We have that, like, mail slot through the bathroom door that you gotta hold hands while you’re all sitting on the toilet?"
  — Crash, joking about excessive marital togetherness, 06:00

• "This isn't an option in my house. If there's a fight, we have to ... go away at least feeling semi okay with each other within like 20 minutes of the argument."
  — Show Host, 06:23

• "He just thinks that one day I’ll eventually give in and tell him what I’m doing."
  — Michelle Bernstein, on her husband’s patience, 08:35

• "We would only communicate by notes ... if we had to bump into each other, we would just, like, look at each other, go the opposite way."
  — Shay, on roommate silent treatment, 09:51

• "That's the loneliest time right there is dinner when everybody is all at the same dinner table together and everybody's eating. And there's always that uncomfortable silence ..."
  — Show Host, 13:38

Important Timestamps at a Glance

• Tumultuous relationships & passion: 01:33 – 02:57
• Crash’s silent treatment situation: 03:57 – 06:43
• Host and cast on resolving fights vs. letting them fester: 06:23 – 06:43
• Michelle’s 8-month, 2-week silences: 07:39 – 08:35
• Roommate note-passing: 09:35 – 10:23
• Generation-gap standoffs: 10:44 – 11:17
• Stepfamily silence: 12:00 – 12:27
• Sibling cold war: 12:38 – 13:20
• Silent family dinners & loneliness: 13:38 – 13:56

Memorable Moments

• Comparing Crash and his wife to “Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee” for their high-drama lifestyle (03:23)
• Jokes about hotel stays and “punch cards” for frequenting hotels after fights (04:18)
• Comic exaggerations of “Hobby Land” marriages— holding hands everywhere, behaving like cartoonishly connected couples (05:56)
• The escalation theatre— door slamming and dramatic bed-tossing as communication tactics (08:50, 09:14)

Tone & Style

The conversation is authentic, candid, and laced with humor and hyperbole—a trademark of the show. Hosts and callers alike riff on the absurdity and pain of long silences with loved ones, mixing laughter with real emotional truths.

Summary

This episode offers a funny yet poignant peek into the ways people handle conflict in close quarters. From Crash’s comedic but relatable marriage drama to listeners’ extremes of silent treatment, the show navigates relationship cold wars—how they start, why they persist, and their emotional fallout. Through genuine stories and lively banter, the cast underscores a universal truth: sometimes, the hardest words to say are simply “I’m sorry,” or even “Hi,” after too much silence.