Vault: He And His Wife Haven't Been On Speaking Terms For Days!

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: He And His Wife Haven't Been On Speaking Terms For Days!

Date: December 15, 2025
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)

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Episode Overview

This episode delves into the theme of extended silent treatments within relationships—romantic, familial, or between roommates. The cast, primarily Bert, Lee, Crash, and callers, trade stories about long stretches of not speaking to household members, exploring what fuels these cold wars, their impact, and the often-humorous or painful realities of refusing to break the ice.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Nature of Passionate, Tumultuous Relationships

• Crash’s Situation:
  Crash, a show member, shares that he and his wife haven’t spoken to each other for four days following an argument. He opens up about the cyclical drama in their relationship, suggesting some couples thrive on passionate highs and lows (03:57).

  • Quote (Crash, 02:18):
    "Yeah, you know what? I kind of agree with you. I mean, part of the passion is the drama. And you do have to kind of stir the pot every now and then. A lot of people do live for that. They really do."
  • Lee observes: Some couples are steady and conflict-averse, but for “passionate” pairs, the highs and lows are intense:
    "When they love each other, it's very passionate. And when they're angry … it's very passionate. And when it's boring, it's boring. If there's no passion of some level." (01:59)

• The Toll on Friendships:
  Crash relates how the drama affected his friendships, as friends would only see him when he was fighting with his partner:

  • "I lost all my friends and it took me buying a lot of shots at American Pie to get all my friends back." (03:16)

2. The Mechanics of Silent Treatment

• Crash and his Wife:

  • They share a house but have successfully avoided all contact for about 82 hours (four days). Schedules make this easier—he works early mornings and late into the evening (05:33).
  • Quote (Crash): "The beauty of me getting up at 4 o'clock … there's really not a whole lot of time to bump into each other. Pretty much, it's the perfect marriage, really, if you think about it." (05:33)

• Personal Reactions from the Hosts:

  • Bert (Show Host) expresses bewilderment at the idea of not communicating to resolve fights. In his home, disagreement must be worked out quickly:
    • "This isn't an option in my house. If there's a fight, we have to ... go away at least feeling semi okay with each other within like 20 minutes of the argument." (06:23)

3. Callers’ Stories: Extreme Examples of Silence

• Michelle Bernstein:

  • Went 14 days without talking to her husband (07:47)
    • "And he's a great guy ... he's laid back. When he knows I'm pissed, he'll leave me alone until I'm ready to talk." (08:35)
  • Went 8 months in the same house without speaking to her father—he was angry about her joining the army (07:54)

• Lee on Silent Treatment Escalation:

  • She hates when her partner is nonreactive to her silence and sometimes resorts to “slamming doors ... just to get him to talk again.” (08:50)
    • Bert and Lee bond over nighttime passive-aggressive moves:
      "I'll do the dramatic toss and turn just to wake you up and then just wait for you to say, are you still up?" (09:14)

• Roommates’ Communication Breakdown:

  • Caller Shay shares that she and her roommate went “three months without talking”—only exchanging notes about bills (09:35)
    • "We would only communicate by notes ... if we had to bump into each other, we would just, like, look at each other, go the opposite way." (09:51)

• Generational Silence:

  • One caller’s dad and grandmother went four months without talking (10:44)
  • Discussion: Should parents or children be the ones to break the ice after a conflict? Bert shares he hasn’t spoken to his own father for over a year, suggesting some adults believe the child should reach out (11:17)

• Stepfamily Dynamics:

  • Nicole shares a three-year silence with her stepmom—prompted after her dad insisted the stepmom stop saying anything negative, resulting in complete silence instead (12:14)

• Sibling Stalemate:

  • Ava and her brother didn’t speak for three years while living and working together, all because he disapproved of her boyfriend (12:38)
    • "He didn't talk to me. He hated the guy I was going out with, so he didn't talk to me." (12:48)

4. Emotional and Social Realities

• Loneliness at Shared Meals:
  • Bert describes the unique misery of silent family dinners:
    • "That's the loneliest time right there is dinner when everybody is all at the same dinner table ... and there's always that uncomfortable silence when everybody's eating. That's when you feel it most, I think, right there." (13:38)
  • Lee notes, "The noise of the fork hitting the plate was as loud as it is when nobody's talking at the dinner table." (13:50)

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• "Part of the passion is the drama. And you do have to kind of stir the pot every now and then. ... When it's high, it's high. When it's low, it's horrible."
  — Crash, 02:18

• "I lost all my friends and it took me buying a lot of shots at American Pie to get all my friends back."
  — Crash, 03:16

• "We have that, like, mail slot through the bathroom door that you gotta hold hands while you’re all sitting on the toilet?"
  — Crash, joking about excessive marital togetherness, 06:00

• "This isn't an option in my house. If there's a fight, we have to ... go away at least feeling semi okay with each other within like 20 minutes of the argument."
  — Show Host, 06:23

• "He just thinks that one day I’ll eventually give in and tell him what I’m doing."
  — Michelle Bernstein, on her husband’s patience, 08:35

• "We would only communicate by notes ... if we had to bump into each other, we would just, like, look at each other, go the opposite way."
  — Shay, on roommate silent treatment, 09:51

• "That's the loneliest time right there is dinner when everybody is all at the same dinner table together and everybody's eating. And there's always that uncomfortable silence ..."
  — Show Host, 13:38

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Important Timestamps at a Glance

• Tumultuous relationships & passion: 01:33 – 02:57
• Crash’s silent treatment situation: 03:57 – 06:43
• Host and cast on resolving fights vs. letting them fester: 06:23 – 06:43
• Michelle’s 8-month, 2-week silences: 07:39 – 08:35
• Roommate note-passing: 09:35 – 10:23
• Generation-gap standoffs: 10:44 – 11:17
• Stepfamily silence: 12:00 – 12:27
• Sibling cold war: 12:38 – 13:20
• Silent family dinners & loneliness: 13:38 – 13:56

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Memorable Moments

• Comparing Crash and his wife to “Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee” for their high-drama lifestyle (03:23)
• Jokes about hotel stays and “punch cards” for frequenting hotels after fights (04:18)
• Comic exaggerations of “Hobby Land” marriages— holding hands everywhere, behaving like cartoonishly connected couples (05:56)
• The escalation theatre— door slamming and dramatic bed-tossing as communication tactics (08:50, 09:14)

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Tone & Style

The conversation is authentic, candid, and laced with humor and hyperbole—a trademark of the show. Hosts and callers alike riff on the absurdity and pain of long silences with loved ones, mixing laughter with real emotional truths.

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Summary

This episode offers a funny yet poignant peek into the ways people handle conflict in close quarters. From Crash’s comedic but relatable marriage drama to listeners’ extremes of silent treatment, the show navigates relationship cold wars—how they start, why they persist, and their emotional fallout. Through genuine stories and lively banter, the cast underscores a universal truth: sometimes, the hardest words to say are simply “I’m sorry,” or even “Hi,” after too much silence.

Transcript

[Michelle Bernstein]

Mic check, 1, 2. Are we recording? Hi, I'm Michelle Bernstein, an award winning.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Chef, restaurateur and mom.

[Michelle Bernstein]

I have a lot on my plate, including my psoriatic arthritis symptoms. That's why I was prescribed Cosentyx. It helps me move better.

[Pharmaceutical Announcer]

Cosentyx Secukenumab is prescribed for people 2 years of age and older with active psoriatic arthritis. Don't use if you're allergic to Cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Like tuberculosis or other serious bacterial, fungal or viral infections. Some were fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough had a vaccine or plan to. Or if inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, serious allergic reactions and severe eczema like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-cosentyx or cosentyx.com Ask.

[Michelle Bernstein]

Your rheumatologist about Cosentyx.

[Crash]

Did you see the game last night?

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Of course you did. Because you used Instacart to do your grocery restock.

[Crash]

Plus you got snacks for the game.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

All without missing a single play.

[Crash]

And that's on multitasking. So we're not saying that Instacart is.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

A hack for game day, but it.

[Crash]

Might be the ultimate play this football season.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Enjoy. $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees apply for three orders in 14 days. Excludes restaurants.

[Crash]

Instacart.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

We're here. The Burt Show.

[Lee]

All right.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Poor Crash. Crash and Lee. See, poor Crash and Lee. I think we all probably know one of these couples that have this. These. They love each other, they're very similar, and they have this tumultuous relationship. And I have said this to Crash, and I'll say it again, that it seems to me that if everything is going right in the relationship, somebody stirs it up because part of their passion is like, well, I think that's it.

[Lee]

Passion. I think that they are a couple, that there are some couples that are just, you know, middle of the road the whole way and never really have arguments and never really have a conflict. But I think passionate couples, when they love each other, is very passionate. And when they're angry with each other, it's very passionate. And when it's boring, it's boring. If there's no passion of some level.

[Crash]

Yeah, you know what? I kind of agree with you. I mean, part of the passion is the drama. And you do have to kind of stir the pot every now and then. And a lot of people do live for that. They really do. I mean, when it's high, it's high. When it's low, it's horrible. You know, very. You get two very emotional people that are together and everything like that. But I had a relationship like this once before that lasted almost seven years. I mean, literally, breakups would last up to six months. And we knew we were going to get back together, but we knew we just had to keep the drama going. I mean, it was that bad. Seven months. So things, you know, now they do the whole rollercoaster and everything. Just so you know, every friend you had during those seven years hated you both.

[Lee]

Yeah.

[Crash]

Oh, it's hard to see when you're in it, but I hate people like you. No, no, I know that because my friends even used to make comments like.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Oh, I hate you.

[Crash]

Hey, we hate you. I would walk into a bar and all my friends would be in there and they go, oh, you must be fighting with her because now you're here to see us.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Crash]

I mean, it was at that point. I mean, I lost all my friends and it took. Took me buying a lot of shots at American Pie to get all my friends back.

[Lee]

You guys are like Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee.

[Crash]

Yeah, I heard. Yeah, I heard. You make that in more than haste than one.

[Lee]

Right. You could also drive a boat.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

But.

[Crash]

You know, when using this, using the steering wheel or an or, he's got his own runner. All right, easy, guys, easy.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

So Crash it end. I mean, but most times, every other weekend, I would say Crash comes in here and he relates to us that he and Lady Crash are in some kind of drama. Some kind of drama. This one is pretty serious, though.

[Crash]

Yeah, it is. It's pretty serious. And I'm not going to get into too many details because I'm not going to say anything, you know, bad about her. I'm not going to say bad thing about me. It's just. It's an argument. We'll keep it all on my side. There's obviously two sides to every argument. Is it fair to say that you have at the. What is it? The Quality Inn on Roswell Road. Comfort in the. Comfort in. You have a punch card similar to people. The ones that people get. Like at Moe's, it's almost. Yeah, your sixth night is free the same way your sixth burrito is free. It's almost like the only thing I can liken it to is Pretty Woman. When Richard Gere, he pretty much owns the hotel. You Know, he walks in there. Your room is ready, sir. And this is ready, you know?

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

But all she's gonna hear by the time her friends get back, relay this story back to her is like, crash called you a prostitute, like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. And then the fight ensues again.

[Crash]

Oh, God. Every one of her friends has selective. Trust me on this one. I hear. I get it all the time. She'll want to come in and do a live interview and blame us for ending the relationship. Hey, it's not your fault. It just didn't work. You know, we'll be reading about you and Lee and Jet magazine.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Yeah.

[Lee]

Or on BlackVoices.com.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

So now it's so bad you guys aren't even talking.

[Crash]

Yeah, there's just basically no communication whatsoever.

[Lee]

For how long?

[Crash]

Probably since Saturday, I would imagine.

[Lee]

And it's, what's today?

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

What time?

[Crash]

Tuesday, Wednesday, four days later.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Four days.

[Crash]

What time on Saturday? Do you think you spoke your last word to your wife, who you live with? Probably Saturday night sometime. So we'll say, let's say 9:00pm yeah.

[Lee]

Okay, so you're, like, walking by each other in the house, like, totally not speaking to each other. I have, well, silent treatment all the way.

[Crash]

Well, the beauty of me getting up at 4 o' clock in the morning and then getting my afternoons off and then not leaving work till 7 o' clock is there's really not a whole lot of time to bump into each other. Pretty much, it's the perfect marriage, really, if you're. If you're thinking about it. Because you don't get a chance to do that. Well, no, no, you don't get a chance to. You know, you're not constantly smothering everyone like in Hobby Land, you know, you're not just all together all the time hugging every time you see each other.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Mandatory to hold hands.

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Lee]

You know, and skip. You skip an Hobby Land, you guys.

[Crash]

Got a mail slot through the bathroom door that you got to hold hands while you're all sitting on the toilet?

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

It's not a game of hopscotch. A day in the hobby household. It's not a good day.

[Crash]

Hey, Ryan, want to go out in the yard and play tag?

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Okay.

[Crash]

What kind? Cartoon.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Okay, love to, honey, but I'm baking for our bake sale.

[Crash]

If my math is correct, you guys have gone 82 hours without speaking.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

All right, 82 hours. That's almost four days living in the same house not speaking to each other, which fascinates me, because this isn't an option in my house. If there's a fight, we have to make Stacy make sure that we have to argue about it and go away at least feeling semi okay with each other within like 20 minutes of the argument. This is not even an option in my house.

[Crash]

Now it's either the mountain or the molehill. It's either there. There is no in between. There's no level ground, unfortunately, that we're just. That's just the way we are. We're just two high caliber, high strung, emotional people. And I mean, none of us will back down. I mean, it's like, what is that? They've the two mountain goats or something? They'll just keep beating each other's head till they both die. War of the Roses, two rams, just.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Going at it all.

[Crash]

Yeah, I mean. I mean, literally. And the movie was on the other day. I was watching it with Danny DeVito and Michael Douglas. I was like, oh, my God, I'm gonna be hanging on a chandelier in a year someday.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Here's what I want to know. What is the longest you've ever gone living in the same house and not talk to each other? Now this, this could be a pretty big umbrella because we could be talking about, you know, parents and their kids. We could be talking about roommates. We could be talking about married couples. How long have you had to live in the same house and not said a word to each other? Hey, Sydney, you want to start this thing off with us?

[Michelle Bernstein]

Hey, guys. I love you all. I just want you to know them.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Thank you.

[Michelle Bernstein]

I have two. I have my husband that I went exactly 14 days without speaking to.

[Lee]

Wow.

[Michelle Bernstein]

And my dad eight months under the same roof. Yeah.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

And so you guys are just passing each other in the halls, you and your husband, and not even.

[Michelle Bernstein]

Well, yeah, we have five kids, so it's not like we had, like a lot of attention on each other. I have. He has three stepchildren, and then we have two children together.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

What did he do to make you not talk to him for eight months?

[Michelle Bernstein]

Well, that's my dad. When I was in high school or when I graduated, I joined the army and that found out. Of course, you know, I'm going off in the army and he didn't speak to me again until I left for Desert Storm.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

That's a smart move on dad's part. What I'm going to do is I'm not going to talk to you before you leave for war. Right.

[Michelle Bernstein]

Right.

[Lee]

Right now your husband is. Two full weeks.

[Michelle Bernstein]

Yeah, yeah. 14 days. It was Sunday. Just Sunday to Sunday. Yeah.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Unreal man.

[Michelle Bernstein]

And he's. I mean, he's a great guy. It's not, you know, you were talking about the passionate. Passionate. You know, he's not that way. He's laid back. When he knows I'm pissed, he'll leave me alone until I'm ready to talk.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

For two weeks.

[Michelle Bernstein]

Oh, yeah. He just thinks that one day I'll eventually give in and tell him what I'm doing.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

See, that's what.

[Lee]

That's what makes me more mad. Like when my husband and I will be in a fight, I'll try to give him the silent treatment, but it makes me more mad when he just lays back at you. Yeah, when you just let us sit there and stew. I'll slam doors. I'll do whatever I possibly can to get him to talk again.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Stacy does the same thing. Her face slamming door. And then go into the bathroom. I don't know what's in that bathroom that she's crying over or where she's getting her help from in there.

[Lee]

Oh, and my tactic too. Especially if we've gone to bed and we're angry and then you have the audacity to fall asleep.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Oh, don't do that.

[Lee]

And I will do the dramatic toss in turn just to wake you up and then just wait for you to say, are you still up?

[Pharmaceutical Announcer]

Oh, yeah, I am.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Hey, Shay, you want to weigh in here? Shay.

[Michelle Bernstein]

Hi. How you doing?

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Good, how are you?

[Michelle Bernstein]

I'm fine. Me and my roommate, we went actually three months without talking. And actually the only way we were communicating was actually by note.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

So you guys would write notes in front of each other and just pass them back and forth?

[Michelle Bernstein]

Actually, we were like, go in our rooms or whatever. Like if I know she's sleeping, like I get up early in the morning to go to work or whatever. I would write my note and say, okay, such and such. Bill is due. I need such and such or whatever. Whatever the case was, we would only communicate by notes. And if we had to bump into the. Into each other, we would just like look at each other. You know, just go the opposite way or whatever.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

But is there anything more panicky than when you have signed up to be with a roommate and when you realize you are stuck with this person for the next couple of months, you know.

[Michelle Bernstein]

What was the bad thing? We were like the best of friends outside of living together. Once we got under the same roof, I found out that we could not live together whatsoever.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

So that's the quickest way to screw up a friendship.

[Lee]

Live together.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Try to live with Somebody. Yeah, absolutely. Morning. All the hits. Q100.

[Michelle Bernstein]

Hey.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Hey. Four months between who and who?

[Michelle Bernstein]

Well, it was actually my dad and my grandmother when my dad was growing up. But growing up, my dad always told us the story. She just was a little crazy. And she didn't. I didn't speak to him at all for four months.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

So there was no one instance that made her all mad. She just decided one day.

[Lee]

According to him.

[Michelle Bernstein]

One day?

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Yeah, according to him.

[Lee]

Now two people. There is. It's both of them causing the silent treatment. But according to him, she's just crazy.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Yeah. The story that's been passed on from generation to generation. Well, my fault.

[Lee]

Don't you think, though, like, as a mother, like, she should have been the one that, like, kind of broke the ice with her kids?

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

See, this is my. My dad's theory, because we haven't talked. We're not living under the same roof, obviously, but we haven't talked in, I guess it's over a year now. And I think he feels like it's the child's responsibility to make sure everything's okay.

[Lee]

Why?

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

I don't know.

[Lee]

That's bizarre. Yeah. My theory, because I would think of it totally opposite. Somebody just needs to do something instead of having pride. So what's your. No, it's you. It just. Somebody say something. Yeah, but, like, think of Hayden as an older kid. If you got mad at him and, you know, even if you got mad at him for a day and you were going to give him the silent treatment for a day, and you're gonna. You're gonna be the father that initiates that conversation.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Oh, the thought of me not having any kind of communication with my own kid for any amount of time does not drive you crazy. Morning. All the hits. Q100.

[Michelle Bernstein]

Hi.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Hi.

[Michelle Bernstein]

This is Nicole.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Hey, Nicole.

[Michelle Bernstein]

I went three years without talking to my stepmom.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

See, the stepdad stepmom thing is the one that I can understand.

[Lee]

We had not even stumbled on that one yet. I can see that.

[Michelle Bernstein]

Yeah. She would never say anything to me. But to put me down and like, three years into my dad's relationship with her, he finally said, if you can't say anything nice to her, don't say anything at all. So we didn't talk for three years after that.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Yeah, that's one we should have seen right there. That step parent and evil stepmom. It's always their fault.

[Lee]

It's always the evil stepmom.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Whatever. Hey, Ava, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Michelle Bernstein]

Hi, guys. Me and My brother. We didn't talk for three years. And we lived in the same household. We worked together for three years.

[Lee]

Not a word.

[Michelle Bernstein]

Not a word. He didn't talk to me. He hated the guy I was going out with, so he didn't talk to me.

[Lee]

And you dated this guy for three years?

[Michelle Bernstein]

Three and a half years. And me and my brother started talking about three years after three years. And then we found out my boyfriend was cheating on me.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Oh, really? So he got the ultimate. I hate to say I told you.

[Michelle Bernstein]

So, but I told you so because he told me.

[Lee]

Let me ask.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Oh, he found out that my brother found out?

[Michelle Bernstein]

Yes.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Oh, wow.

[Lee]

Let me ask a question. Did. Did the fact that your brother not like him make your boyfriend more intriguing?

[Michelle Bernstein]

No. I mean, not really.

[Lee]

Yeah.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Come on.

[Michelle Bernstein]

I know. Seriously.

[Lee]

Nobody's listening. It's just us girls.

[Michelle Bernstein]

I mean, I was, you know, I was upset a lot. I mean, he wouldn't eat dinners with us. Christmases he wouldn't spend with us.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

That's the loneliest time right there is dinner when everybody is all at the same dinner table together and everybody's eating. And there's always that uncomfortable silence when everybody's eating. That's when you feel it most, I think, right there.

[Lee]

And you know, it just never seems that this noise of the fork hitting the plate was as loud as it is when nobody stopped at the dinner table.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

It echoes throughout the entire house of the neighborhood. The Burt Show.

[Michelle Bernstein]

Mic check 1, 2. Are we recording? Hi, I'm Michele Bernstein, an award winning.

[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

Chef, restaurateur and mom.

[Michelle Bernstein]

I have a lot on my plate, including my psoriatic arthritis symptoms. That's why I was prescribed Cosentyx. It helps me move better.

[Pharmaceutical Announcer]

Cosentyx Secukenumab is prescribed for people 2 years of age and older with active psoriatic arthritis. Don't use if you're allergic to Cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Like tuberculosis or other serious bacterial, fungal or viral infections. Some were fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough had a vaccine or plan to or if inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen serious allergic reactions and severe eczema like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-cosentyx or cosentyx.com Ask.

[Michelle Bernstein]

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[Show Host (Possibly Burt)]

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