The Bert Show – "He Won't Let His Girlfriend Smoke Even Though He Does?!"

Episode Date: January 8, 2026
Host: Bert, with co-hosts Janice, Jen, and others
Caller: Jenny

Overview

This episode centers around a listener, Jenny, who faces an ultimatum from her boyfriend: quit smoking or their relationship is over. The twist? He smokes too, but expects her to quit while he continues. The conversation quickly expands from personal health choices to cultural expectations, relationship control, and gender double standards. The Bert Show and its callers dive into these nuanced issues, balancing empathy, tough love, and a lot of “real talk.”

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Jenny’s Dilemma – Setting the Stage

• Jenny has smoked since she was 13; she’s now almost 20 and has been with her boyfriend for 4.5 years.
  Jenny: “All I do is smoke. So, I mean, if I want to quit, I should... [he] should let me quit on my own and not just try to tell me I need to do it now and give me ultimatum...” (03:00)
• Her boyfriend says if she doesn’t quit, he doesn’t see a future together.
• Cultural Conflict: Both come from Asian backgrounds, where there’s strong disapproval of women who smoke. “Because we're from an Asian culture, so it's kind of a whole respect thing for elderly people.” (03:11)

The Double Standard: He Smokes, She Can’t

• The boyfriend smokes as well but claims quitting is easier for him.
• Jenny notes he promises to quit with her but hasn’t followed through. “Skipping a couple days isn’t quitting.” – Co-host Janice (04:24)
• The show highlights the hypocrisy:
  Host: “So he wants you to stop entirely while he continues to smoke as much as he wants.” (04:35)

Control vs. Care: Where’s the Line?

• The Bert Show crew digs into whether the boyfriend’s pressure is about genuine health concerns or controlling behavior.
• Janice and Jen point out that demanding someone changes – especially when you’re not making that change yourself – undermines your credibility.
• Co-host Jen: “If it was just the smoking... I’d give him all the credit here and I’d tell her she needs to listen to him. But because he smokes, he loses all credibility and becomes a control issue.” (14:54)

Cultural & Generational Perspectives

• Callers and co-hosts discuss Asian cultural norms, where women who smoke are seen as “cheap” or “low class.”
• One caller, Lisa, confirms:
  “Yes, hi. Where I come from, I'm an Asian, too. When women smoke in public, they consider you as, like, a cheap person... but I think he's trying to tell who wears the pants in this relationship... that's what's going on.” (08:36)

Deeper Relationship Issues

• The crew raises the flag: Is this smoking issue a signal of deeper control or future conflicts?
• Host: “When you look at the future with this guy, have you thought, well, maybe he’s gonna start trying to control me in other areas also?” (07:41)

Jenny’s Independence & Health Struggles

• Jenny says:
  “I’m a very independent person, and I don’t like people to tell me what to do.” (07:53)
• She acknowledges health impacts (frequent illness, weak immune system) but says change must be at her own pace.
• Boyfriend reacts with anger instead of sympathy when she’s sick, which the crew partially understands – frustration at self-destructive habits, but still not fully supportive.

Callers Weigh In – Solidarity and Warnings

• Caller Michelle: Urges Jenny not to let her boyfriend control her, sharing her own struggles with a controlling husband.
  “Don’t you let any man control you.” (06:47 and 07:10)
• Caller Tony: Another Asian American relates:
  “Girl, this is America. If you want to do it, you have to do it for yourself. You can’t let a man tell you what to do... you should do it when you’re ready, but not because someone told you you shouldn’t do it because of cultural reasons.” (12:53)

Emotion, Empathy, and a Reality Check

• The show encourages Jenny to look honestly at her boyfriend’s behavior – both as a potential red flag and as an indicator for her future happiness in the relationship.
• They emphasize that ultimately, she should make health decisions for herself, not out of rebellion or pressure.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Double Standard Called Out:
  “He wants you to stop entirely while he continues to smoke as much as he wants.” – Host (04:35)

• Control vs. Care:
  “Don’t rebel against him by not stopping smoking... It’s gonna be better for you to stop smoking and maybe go for it with him. But also take a look at your relationship... is he just controlling you?” – Co-host Jen (10:20)

• Cultural Conundrum:
  “In [Asia], men look down on women who smoke. So women who smoke are considered bad people. Here... it’s not a bad thing.” – Jenny (05:31)

• Red Flags in Relationships:
  “He’s given you a great example of what your future may look like here.” – Host (14:43)

• Credibility Gap:
  “If he didn’t smoke... I’d give him all the credit here... But because he smokes, he loses all credibility and [it] becomes a control issue.” – Co-host Jen (14:54)

• Empowerment from Callers:
  “Do not ever let a man control you.” – Michelle, caller (07:10)
  “If you want to do it, you have to do it for yourself. You can’t let a man tell you what to do.” – Tony, caller (12:53)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Jenny Explains the Situation: 01:30–03:09
• Cultural Pressures & Gender Double Standard: 03:09–05:41
• Boyfriend’s Hypocrisy and Control Debate: 05:41–07:41
• Caller Michelle’s Warning on Control: 06:47–07:32
• Health vs. Control Debate Continues: 07:53–11:11
• Cultural vs. Personal Values – Caller Lisa: 08:36–09:50
• Co-host Jen’s Advice on Rebellion and Self-Respect: 10:17–10:47
• Caller Tony’s Perspective – Do It For You: 12:53–13:32
• Show Summary and Final Thoughts: 13:32–15:21

Final Takeaways

The Bert Show provides a relatable, empathetic sounding board, ultimately advising Jenny to make her own decisions about her health and happiness. The conversation highlights cultural expectations, double standards in relationships, and the importance of autonomy. The hosts and callers urge Jenny to carefully consider whether her boyfriend’s motivations are loving concern or unhealthy control — and to see this moment as a snapshot of what her future with him might look like.

If you’re facing a similar situation: Listen to your gut, look for red flags beyond the immediate issue, and remember that real change—especially when it comes to personal health—needs to happen on your terms.

End of Summary