Vault: Her Boyfriend Wants Her To Pay His Debt?!

Summary

---

THE BERT SHOW

Episode: Vault: Her Boyfriend Wants Her To Pay His Debt?!

Date: February 11, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this episode, a listener named Angela (voice undisguised) seeks advice from The Bert Show crew on a thorny financial and relationship dilemma: her long-term boyfriend, who she shares a child with, wants her to use a recent $50,000 settlement to pay off his (and their) accumulated debt—despite five years together, no marriage, and unresolved questions of true commitment. The discussion dives deep into boundaries, trust, fairness, and the intersection of money and partnership outside wedlock, with hosts and listeners weighing in on what, if anything, she owes, both emotionally and financially.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Angela's Situation: Love, Commitment, and Debt

• Angela and her partner have been together for five years and share a child but aren't married.

  • Marriage was discussed in the relationship's early days, but he has since bailed on the idea.
  • (01:25) Angela: “Marriage was brought up like the first two years in our relationship. And then he kind of like bailed out on the idea recently, but yet he is in debt and it's considered our debt to him."

• The debt in question is substantial ($30,000), and Angela has received a $50,000 settlement from a car accident.

  • She feels she owes part of the debt (~$15,000), as her partner supported her during times she was unemployed or on maternity leave.
  • (01:48) Host: “So how much of this $20,000 debt is yours?”
    Angela: "It's a little more than $20,000… maybe around 15."

• Angela’s concern over commitment:

  • She desires a formal commitment (“some kind of major commitment”), but her boyfriend’s aversion to marriage leaves her feeling exposed—especially if she wipes out debt with no legal bond.
  • (02:20) Angela: “He could bail out at any moment, and then I would be the single mother struggling.”

Host Panel's Perspectives: Trust, Leverage, and Partnership

• Are they a true partnership?

  • Hosts question whether sharing finances without a legal commitment is equitable or risky.
  • (03:26) Host: "He wants everything that married people share... Yet he hasn't proposed to you, right?"

• Using debt as leverage for marriage?

  • The panel debates whether Angela should leverage the payment for a proposal—but consensus leans against this as a healthy approach.
  • (04:49) Angela: "I don't want to put that on somebody. I don't want to guilt them into it..."

• Angela’s willingness and boundaries:

  • She remains clear: she’ll pay what she thinks is hers, but doesn’t want the expectation to go beyond that without true partnership.
  • (05:25) Angela: "I'll pay 15 and we'll see where things go after that point.”

Listener Call-ins: Real Life Parallels and Warnings

• Caller 1 (Jennifer): Relates to Angela, also unmarried, sharing debt out of commitment.

  • (06:00) Jennifer: "I feel like I'm there every day. It's just as much my responsibility to contribute as it is his. ...But it's really sad that she's putting money as a reason of commitment or non commitment."
  • Contrasted by host Janice: “I think she's warranted in being concerned about it because he hasn't committed to her... she could take care of his debt and then he could take off.” (06:29)

• Caller 2 (Kevin): Suggests practical steps—avoid leveraging money for marriage, cut up the credit cards, monthly payments if feels responsible.

  • (08:07) Kevin: “If you got 30,000 worth of credit debt, you need to hack that card in half... make some monthly payments together... if you feel some of that debt is yours, that would be a great thing.”

• Caller 3: Cautions specifically against expending her windfall.

  • (11:10) Caller: “If she can determine how much... she owe[s]... she should pay maybe that much and leave it... But as far as paying his half of the debt, no, because I believe that he's going to dip on her.”

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• (03:02) Host 2: “This is the one thing that I just love where people say they're afraid to commit, but then they have a baby.”
• (05:52) Host 2 jokingly: "It's the down payment on commitment. $15,000 now and I'll get the other $15,000 to you later."
• (09:06) Angela, on trust: “He won’t make any kind of commitment with me because his fear is that I’m going to take all his stuff … but yet you want me to put myself out there and say, well, you can take mine.”
• (10:47) Host 3, joking about the settlement: “You got a $50,000 settlement for a broken nose? … I'm gonna go out there and wreck my car today for a couple reasons.”

Hosts' Final Consensus

• Angela should calculate and pay only her portion of the debt, if any.
• Keep the rest for herself and her child’s future, especially since her boyfriend avoids commitment.
• (11:54) Host 1: "Find out what your debt is, pay it, and then save the rest."
• (12:13) Host 3: "I wouldn't spend any money on bailing him out of the debt. I would maybe put a token toward it... And if we can get half of it gone in a year, then I'll consider paying the rest of it."

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:25 – Angela summarizes her relationship, child, and partner’s backing out of marriage
• 02:20 – Angela expresses concern about lack of legal commitment
• 03:26 – Panel discusses sharing finances versus legal partnership
• 04:49 – Talk around leveraging debt repayment for marriage
• 05:25 – Angela clarifies her limits on paying the debt
• 06:00 – Listener (Jennifer) calls in with a parallel experience
• 08:07 – Practical advice from Kevin on handling shared debt
• 09:06 – Angela voices trust issues about her boyfriend
• 11:10 – Final listener caller strongly advises against paying his debt
• 11:54-12:13 – Show wraps with hosts agreeing: Only pay your share, protect your assets

---

Conclusion

This episode thoughtfully unpacks boundaries of financial responsibility, love, and trust in contemporary relationships. The Bert Show deftly balances humor and real talk, ultimately urging Angela—and listeners in similar situations—to protect their financial well-being and not conflate relationship status with obligation, especially when true partnership is lacking.

Transcript

[Weight Watchers Announcer]

Weight Watchers now offers access to affordable GLP1s. It works for members like I'm Haley.

[Haley]

And I've lost 100 pounds. Weight Watchers has everything I need from weight loss medications to nutrition support and help with my side effects. It's all in one place.

[Weight Watchers Announcer]

Weight Watchers handles the insurance for you and offers affordable cash pay options. With our program, our members are losing more weight with expert nutrition and side effect support.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

I'm Mike and I've lost 135 pounds. Weight Watchers prescribing GLP1 medications. It's been life changing.

[Host 1]

I'm Shar and I lost 80 pounds on Weight Watchers. I realized that it would take more than a prescription to lose weight and feel good on a GLP1.

[Weight Watchers Announcer]

Better results, expert support, lose more weight, make it last.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

I can't imagine doing a GLP1 without Weight Watchers.

[Weight Watchers Announcer]

Get started for as low as $[e-mail] GLP1 for over 60 years, we've helped millions of members find what works for them. Now it's your turn. Weight Watchers.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Watch it work the bird show. Hey, Angela, you're on the Voice Disguiser. Good morning.

[Haley]

Morning.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

How are you today?

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

I'm good.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Hold on. Voice disguiser's not on, dude. Unless her regular voice sounds really like a voice sounds really low. Page counter. Yeah.

[Host 1]

Can you count to five?

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

Either way it would be okay.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Okay. I'd rather go without.

[Host 3]

No voice disguiser is cool.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

Yeah, no voice disguiser is fine.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Okay, cool. All right, go ahead.

[Host 3]

Bless you, child.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

Yeah, right. Basically, I've been together with the same guy for, you know, almost five years. We do have a child together. We're not married. Marriage was brought up like the first two years in our relationship. And then he kind of like bailed out on the idea recently, but yet he is in debt and it's considered our debt to him. So I got this settlement and of course it's up in the air for me to pay it off. I feel like I do owe probably some of it because some of it's probably my debt. Just because at one point in time in our relationship, I didn't have a job for about eight months. And he did take care of me, even though I have no debt, I have no bills, but, you know, spending money. He took care of all that for me. And then of course, maternity leave I was out for too. So I'm thinking I owe him something, just not all of it.

[Host 1]

Okay, so I want to. I'm curious about why you guys had Decided not to get married. What was the reason you said, yeah.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

That was not my decision because, I mean, recently, I definitely. I want some kind of commitment because, you know, I've been in this relationship for five years now, and we have a child. Even if it's buying a house together, something like that. Some kind of major commitment and everything, he's pretty much skipped out on. You have four brothers, too, and none of them are married.

[Host 4]

You would prefer to get married?

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

Yes.

[Host 4]

Okay.

[Host 1]

I think where I'm getting at, I'm fascinated by people who live a lifestyle in which they are committed. They together for five years, they have a child together, they help. You know, he. Like you said, he helped you out while you weren't working, but yet, because you have not signed a legal document, then all of a sudden, you're really not committed.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Yeah. This is the one thing that I just love where people say they're afraid to commit, but then they have a baby.

[Host 1]

Yeah, you're committed. You're committed.

[Host 4]

Sometimes that part's not planned.

[Host 1]

But they're together five years and have a child, so they're obviously committed to one another through the work.

[Host 4]

Yeah, I mean, there's definitely some commitment there, but that might not have been, like, the intention. The intention. And then you do your best after that.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

They certainly have.

[Haley]

There's nothing binding.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

He could bail out at any moment, and then I would be the single mother struggling.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Hold on one second. Why the voice guys are just kicking? I don't know. You want to turn it off?

[Host 3]

I don't control it.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Are you there?

[Haley]

Yep.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Okay.

[Host 1]

Okay. Yeah.

[Host 4]

So.

[Host 1]

Okay, so you think because you're not married and not legally bound that you shouldn't have to pay any of this debt?

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

No, I mean, I feel like I'm obligated to pay some of it since I'm sure some of it is mine.

[Haley]

All of it?

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

No.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

404741Q100. So how much of this $20,000 debt is yours?

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

Well, it's a little more than $20,000, but I'm thinking maybe around 15. But it's moving. We just moved out here, too, from a different state.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Hold on. How much debt are we talking about total here?

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

Close to 30.

[Host 1]

30,000 now, because I'm confused.

[Host 4]

What's going on?

[Host 1]

So is he asking you to pay all $30,000 in the debt?

[Haley]

I mean, he.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

He considered it as being our debt. I consider maybe 15 being that, our debt.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

All right, so he's saying, look, here we are a family unit, and we're in this together. Even though we're not married, we don't. They don't have a commitment. But he wants everything that married people share together, financial responsibilities and everything. Yet he hasn't proposed to you, right?

[Host 4]

Well, if you really want to get married, why isn't this leverage? See, we get married, I pay the debt. We don't.

[Host 1]

I don't.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

Well, I don't want to put that on somebody. I don't want to guilt them into it because then it's going to just be an awful relationship at that point.

[Host 3]

Yeah, that's not cool, is it? Like, what woman is going to be happy with that marriage ever?

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Like, knowing that he said yes.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

If you don't do this, you know.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Only because you paid him.

[Host 4]

I'm just saying, like, I mean, he can't make demands of you that you can't make of him.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

He's not demanding that I pay it, you know, it's just strongly suggested, you know.

[Host 1]

Well, I mean, I just, I'm still confused. So part of it is so you say $15,000 is so. Have you told him, look, okay, I'll pay half. Half is ours, so let's work on that. The rest is yours.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

I have said I'll pay, I'll pay 15 and we'll see, you know, where things go after that point.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

So you're saying I'm willing to pay my part, but why should I be responsible for paying your part if we're not in a partnership together officially?

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

Right, but I haven't officially said that in those words because I don't want to put pressure on him to actually get engaged. I just said I'll pay 15 now and we'll wait to see what goes on before that because, I mean, it's a good chunk of money that I have and I'm thinking about investing it other ways as well.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

It's the down payment on commitment. $15,000 now and I'll get the other 15,000 to you later. Hey, Jennifer, you're on Q100. You have some advice?

[Haley]

Hey there. I'm pretty much in the same situation as far as not being married, having debt out there, and pretty much he signed on everything, so legally it's his responsibility. But because I'm in the relationship and I'm committed, I feel like I'm there every day. It's just as much my responsibility to contribute as it is his. And I feel that it's really sad that she's putting money as a reason of commitment or non commitment. I mean, that's pretty sad. As far as A five year relationship.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Janice looking at you, shaking her head now.

[Host 4]

I don't know. I think she's warranted in being concerned about it because he hasn't committed to her. And like she said, I mean, she could take care of his debt and then he could take off and then.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

And I'd be left a single mother.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Yeah.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

You know, struggling.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

I would not pay it.

[Host 4]

I would.

[Host 3]

Maybe you take.

[Host 4]

Maybe.

[Host 3]

Maybe you take the big settlement or whatever, that big chunk of money, and you invest it smartly for your future and your child's future. But then you could contribute on a monthly basis a few hundred or $1,000 or whatever you can spare toward that debt as long as he does the same. Well, maybe you reverse it. Maybe you say, I'll tell you what, if for the next 15 months, we can pay down 15,000 of this, I'll bring 500 to the table. You bring 500 to the table every month. Then I'll use some of these investments to pay off the rest of it and make him. Make him, you know, do something first.

[Host 1]

Have we made it? I mean, because I still am. It's a little vague. Did we make it clear? Did you get a chunk of money now and that's why this has come up?

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

Well, I mean, the whole marriage issue came up before I got the chunk of money, but the bills has.

[Host 1]

Because I think we've breezed over the fact that she got this huge chunk of money, and that's why this decision has to be made.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

We did breeze over that. I didn't realize that. So there. How much money can you say was. Was. Was given to you recently in whatever form?

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

I mean, it was. It was close to 50,000.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Okay, so you could wipe. What he's saying is you could wipe out the debt.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Of the family if you want.

[Host 1]

Right now.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Okay, now it makes more sense. Kevin, go ahead. You're on Q100.

[Caller (Advice Caller)]

Yeah, I wouldn't use the. I wouldn't use the thing to leverage him into marrying you. That's just a bad idea. And also, if you got 30,000 worth of credit debt, you need to hack that card in half. I mean, that's just ridiculous. Maybe, you know, like the guy said, make some monthly payments together or something. If you feel some of that debt is yours, that would be a great thing. But first thing, cut that card up. Get rid of that crap.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

I would absolutely not pay for his debt. There's just no way.

[Host 4]

It's a trust issue. I mean, at the bottom of this whole thing, it's a Trust issue. You don't trust him to stay.

[Host 1]

And money. You know, the last caller talked about how money. Why would you put money in. Well, money is one of the biggest issues in any relationship. So it is a very important issue.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

And that money came to you, right? That didn't come to the both of you?

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

Oh, no, it came straight to me.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

So he's looking at it and he's saying, now, finally, we as a family unit can get out of all of this debt if you apply your 50 grand. Can. Can we?

[Haley]

But yet he won't.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

He won't make any kind of commitment with me because his fear is that I'm going to take all his stuff.

[Host 3]

Can we ask how you.

[Host 1]

But he wants to take yours.

[Host 3]

Yeah.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Can we ask how you.

[Haley]

I'm saying.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

But yet you want me to put myself out there and say, well, you can take mine. So now I'm like, now I'm up in the air. So that's why you find that we don't trust each other. I don't trust him because he's not trusting me.

[Host 3]

Can we ask how, like, did you come across this money through work? Like, is this a work related bonus or did you pretend to hurt your back when you fell down at a buffet or.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

Right after I had my son, I was in a car accident and it broke my nose.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Okay, you got a $50,000 settlement for a broken nose?

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

Yeah, I had to have surgery for a deviated septum.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

I'm gonna go out there and wreck my car today for a couple reasons.

[Host 3]

You got $150,000.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Get this thing all fixed and stuff and get money for it.

[Host 3]

And I'm guessing yours is gonna pay a little more than 50 grand.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

I'll buy a new house.

[Host 3]

That guy will marry you in a minute.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Bert. Hey, Elizabeth, you're on Q100.

[Haley]

Hi. Yeah, if you have $50,000, I get where he would maybe want you to use some of. Let me tell you something. I've been in a similar situation, except I'm going through a divorce right now because of it. And he took on the responsibility while you were pregnant to be the provider, and then in that time where you needed his help to be the provider. Yeah. If you're making money and you're bringing in money. Yes.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

But, man, it was for three months. In fact, when I was actually out on maternity leave. It wasn't while I was pregnant. I worked until, you know, the last month before I went into labor.

[Host 3]

Did your nose damage significantly hurt your appearance? Because that's worth money.

[Host 1]

Jeff.

[Caller (Woman with Debt Issue)]

Yeah, yeah, I do have a scar. See, it is a little crooked and kind of looking. I don't want to get into that.

[Host 1]

No, no, no.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Don't even respond.

[Host 1]

Don't you understand that he's being silly?

[Host 3]

But that's fair because she's a different person. But anyway, then he started dating.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Let me take one more call here. Good morning, Q100.

[Caller (Advice Caller 2)]

Hey, guys. How you doing?

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

All right. How are you?

[Caller (Advice Caller 2)]

Hey, man, I love the show. I listen to you guys every morning. I think you got. I've been listening to you guys, I think, for like, three years now. Straight six, 35, 30. I don't think she should pay because the credit basically is between them, too. If she can determine how much she owe or how much, you know, she's in debt with him, she should pay maybe that much and leave it. But as far as paying his half of the debt, no, because I believe that he's gonna dip on her. I believe he's gonna dip on her.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

And if he bails, then you got zero left. I mean, you can't have all the benefits of a married couple if you're not married.

[Host 1]

Yeah, I mean, I know it's gonna.

[Host 4]

Be hard to sit down and have that conversation with him, but you just gotta. Just gotta do it.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

Do it.

[Host 1]

Yeah, it's an agree. I mean, that is what the number one reason a lot of couples get divorced is, because of money. And I think that if there's not an agreement or a system in place for you guys, obviously there's not, then all of a sudden, you shouldn't just bail him out. So, yeah, I totally agree. Find out what your debt is, pay it, and then save the rest.

[Host 3]

I wouldn't spend any money on bailing him out of the debt. I would maybe put a token toward it. 2,500 maybe, something like that. And then say, let's work on this together. And if we can get half of it gone in a year, then I'll consider paying the rest of it.

[Host 2 (Lead Host)]

The Burt Show.