Vault: Her Friendship Was RUINED Over A Gossiper

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault: Her Friendship Was RUINED Over A Gossiper (Feb 9, 2026)
Host: Pionaire Podcasting | Cast: Bert, Jeff, Jen, Eric

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the ripple effects of gossip within friend groups and the difficult choices faced when confronted with a toxic gossiper. The cast candidly discusses a real-life scenario involving broken trust, the cost of confronting negative behavior, and how group dynamics shift when secrets and rumors are exposed. The episode grapples with the dilemma: Is it more ethical to warn someone they’re being gossiped about, or to confront the gossiper directly?

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Challenge of Dealing with a Gossiper (00:00–01:50)

• Opening context: Jeff recounts a recent situation mirroring advice previously given on-air: what to do when someone in your circle is spreading malicious rumors.
• Jen’s perspective: Jen previously cut ties with a heavy gossiper, distinguishing between lighthearted gossip and "hardcore, nasty" rumors that cross ethical lines.
  • "It's not like the fun type of gossip...it's like hardcore, you know, gossip about like, I mean, serious heavy stuff." (Jen, 00:15)

2. The Fork in the Road: Confront the Gossiper or Warn the Target? (01:10–02:25)

• Group debate: Should you confront the gossiper, or do you warn the person being targeted?
• Double-bind: The group acknowledges both options can backfire; direct confrontation isn’t in everyone’s nature and warning the target risks escalating the drama.
  • "You might think this person is a good friend of yours, but they're not." (Jeff, 02:10)

3. How It Played Out: The Story Unfolds (02:25–04:01)

• Jeff’s real experience: He chose to inform the target of the rumors. The warning led the target to confront the gossiper, who then lashed out at Jeff for “betraying” their confidence.
• The fallout: Jeff was angrily confronted and hung up on by the gossiper.
  • "I got read the riot act and hung up on." (Jeff, 03:46)
  • "Why did the person being gossiped about go back to the gossiper and say, 'Jeff told me'?" (Burt, 03:10)
  • "I don't blame them for including me...I think there was no other way for them to confront [the gossiper] to know." (Jeff, 03:25)

4. Navigating Right and Wrong (04:01–05:23)

• Ethical wrestling: Was Jeff wrong to “break confidence," or was the original gossiper at fault for spreading hurtful rumors?
• Group support: Most agree that if the gossip was serious enough to warrant concern, it was right to speak up.
  • "If it's enough for Jen to be concerned, then the gossiper is saying something that shouldn't be said in the first place." (Eric, 04:27)

5. The Social Cost of Integrity (05:23–06:02)

• Cutting losses: Jeff weighs the value of retaining a toxic friend versus protecting others in the group.
  • "If I lose this person...I'm protecting a friend, so I'm doing the right thing. Not a big sacrifice." (Burt, 05:42)
  • "If they had the capability to do what they did and say what they said, damn, I...then I don't want them in my friend group anymore." (Jeff, 05:48)

6. The Nature of Gossip: Everybody's Guilty? (06:02–08:09)

• Wider social critique: The conversation shifts to the human tendency for gossip, noting how friendliness in the larger group can mask negativity in smaller cliques.
  • "Everybody hangs out and everybody is so nice to each other's faces. But then when they're separated...they all talk so much crap about each other." (Burt, 07:19)
• Difference between harmless and harmful: The group distinguishes between everyday chatter and mean-spirited attacks.
  • "It's never mean or vicious. And that's where to me, it stepped over the line." (Jeff, 07:45)

7. Was It Worth It? Reflections and Takeaway (08:09–End)

• Looking back: Jeff says he would make the same choice again, prioritizing supporting the wronged friend over keeping peace with the gossiper.
  • "Even after getting blasted and hung up on...I would, because I placed the value on the person who was being talked about." (Jeff, 08:09)
• Life lesson: The group underlines that such drama is not just for teenagers—adults never outgrow the struggles of gossip and social politics.
  • "We really do not evolve from the ninth grade." (Burt, 09:35)
  • "Cut out the negative energy." (Eric, 09:48)
  • “Only joy.” (Jen & Burt, 09:55)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "It's not like the fun type of gossip...it's like hardcore, you know, gossip about like, I mean, serious heavy stuff." — Jen (00:15)
• "I got read the riot act and hung up on." — Jeff (03:46)
• "If they had the capability to do what they did and say what they said, damn, I...then I don't want them in my friend group anymore." — Jeff (05:48)
• "Everybody hangs out and everybody is so nice to each other's faces. But then...they all talk so much crap about each other." — Burt (07:19)
• "We really do not evolve from the ninth grade." — Burt (09:35)
• “Only joy.” — Jen & Burt (09:55)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:15: Jen explains the emotional toll of ‘serious’ gossip
• 01:10: Dilemma: confront the gossiper or warn the target?
• 03:46: Jeff describes being confronted and hung up on by the gossiper
• 05:48: Discussion on the value of losing a toxic friend
• 07:19: Burt’s take on social group dynamics and gossip
• 09:35: Burt’s observation on adult friendships mirroring ninth grade drama
• 09:48–End: Closing thoughts: embrace 'only joy,' let go of toxic friends

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Summary Takeaway
This episode offers an honest exploration of the emotional minefields gossip creates within friendships. The cast’s stories and debates underscore that while there’s no easy solution, integrity often requires tough choices—and that drama of this kind is as common among adults as it was in high school. The collective wisdom? Cut out negative influences and protect what matters most: honest, joyful relationships.

Transcript

[Burt]

Hey, the Burt Show.

[Jeff]

Do you remember when Jeff came on the air with us? It was maybe what, a week ago. And I think we talked about this fairly early, but he said he was struggling with how to handle a situation.

[Jen]

You know, in my circle, there's one person who I've kind of cut loose because they tend to gossip quite a bit. And it just got fatiguing because every conversation you would have with this person and it would become. And it's not like the fun type of gossip, like fun, light hearted gossip. It's like hardcore, you know, gossip about like, I mean, serious heavy stuff. You know how sometimes there's gossip like around the office, like who's dating who, but then there's gossip around the office. It's like heavier and deeper and all this other stuff and who's about to get fired and all that type of thing. This is really heavy stuff.

[Eric]

Things you don't want to know.

[Jen]

Yeah. And then it got to the point where I knew that the gossip per. The person telling the gossip was just making stuff up. And I knew because I knew other people in the group intimately. And I'm like, now this is somebody.

[Burt]

Within the group spreading rumors about others in the group or someone on the outside looking at it.

[Jen]

Yeah. If it's a big, I mean, make a big group. It's not like the tight knit. Not like, you know how you probably have a couple different circles of groups. It's one of the bigger groups in my world. And it's just like, you know what, I know you like to gossip and stuff, but you're making up things now just for attention and you're taking stuff that could possibly be true and you're just making them hardcore. It just got nasty. So I was asking y' all for advice on whether I confront the gossiper or I go to the person who's being lied about and give them a heads up about the gossiper. And I can't remember what advice y' all gave me or what I decided to do at the end of that, but obviously it didn't work for hobby, so I'm glad I waited.

[Burt]

I think the advice was go to the person spreading the gossip. But we both realized that it backfire. Yeah. Or that's not you. Like you having that kind of confrontational conversation. It's just not in your nature.

[Jeff]

But I think we did talk about the fact that you would tell, or at least somebody in here said you would tell the person that was being gossiped about.

[Jen]

Hey, I just want to hear you.

[Jeff]

I just want you to know who you're dealing with here. Like, you might think this person is a good friend of yours, but they're not. Well, I had almost the exact same situation happen where.

[Jen]

So glad you did this first. So glad that I haven't taken any action.

[Jeff]

It kind of backfired because the gossiper had been. And this is more of an inner circle, but so closer to the person that was being gossiped about. I talked to the person who was being gossiped about and said, I just want you to know who you're dealing with here. Here's what's been said. You don't know this, but this could potentially have a domino effect in a lot of different ways in your life. Here it is. And so this is what's being said. So then the person being talked about eventually went back to the person who was doing the gossiping, the gossiper. And then the gossiper has now called me and read me the riot act.

[Jen]

Why would you share this information with him? It was a conversation between you and I. Blah, blah, blah.

[Burt]

Why did person being gossiped about go back to gossiper and say, Chen Hobby.

[Eric]

Told me, yeah, it seems like they.

[Burt]

Sold you out because they sold you out.

[Eric]

It'd be like, I could see where you'd be upset at the gossiper and go and confront them, but I don't know if I would have called out who told me you might have to.

[Jeff]

I don't think there was any other way. Yeah, I don't think there was any other way to tell the story. Like, I don't blame the person who was being talked about. Let's just put it that way. I don't think. I don't blame them for including me in the confrontation because I think there was no other way for them to confront them to know.

[Burt]

So what happened when that person called you?

[Jeff]

I got read the riot act and hung up on.

[Jen]

Oh, you got hung up on.

[Burt]

Damn. Not even a response.

[Jeff]

I mean, there was a. There was a little bit of a conversation, but not much of it on my end. And I got hung up on why.

[Eric]

Do they have a right to be mad?

[Jeff]

Well, that's what my question is. I mean, is it my question she.

[Burt]

Felt like it or he. She. She felt like it was a breach for you or he to go to somebody else, and that's why they were upset.

[Jeff]

But.

[Eric]

But if they were talking about that person and it was of concern enough for you to go to the person being talked about, then the gossiper should realize that. Mean, I don't know. I Mean, I don't know the situation.

[Jeff]

So let's chase it.

[Eric]

But if it was enough for you to be concerned.

[Jeff]

I see you guys looking at me trying to figure out who it is.

[Eric]

No, but you know, what I'm saying is if it's enough for Jen to be concerned, then the gossiper is saying something that shouldn't be said in the first place.

[Jeff]

It was mean.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Jen]

So I just want to make sure I'm following this accurately. There's. Let's create a person named Julie is telling you all sorts of stories about another girl named Samantha. Okay.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Jen]

You go to Samantha and say, I just want to let you know what Julie's saying.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Jen]

Then Samantha goes to Julie, and then Julie circles back around and slaps you in the head.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Jen]

And Julie's the one who hung up on you.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Jen]

All right.

[Eric]

Have you told Samantha about Julie doing that?

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Jen]

Awesome.

[Eric]

Samantha. Samantha cutting off Julie, silent circle of gossip.

[Jen]

And I feel like I'm doing this.

[Jeff]

I just feel like my initial reaction to getting blasted was, okay, maybe I shouldn't have said anything. But then after getting hung up on and after the conversation, I'm like, well, wait, this was the person who was in the wrong in the first place. Why do I feel bad about letting them know what was going on?

[Burt]

I'm assuming that you made a decision in your head also that do is the person that's doing the gossiping, is that a close enough friend to me that if I lose them, it's really gonna affect me? Or what's the big deal?

[Jeff]

Or if they're the type of person that can do that, do I really want them as my friend anyway?

[Burt]

So you must have said to yourself, okay, not a big. If I lose this person. Plus, I'm protecting a friend, so I'm doing the right thing. Not a big sacrifice.

[Jeff]

It's kind of what I mean. I think it is a sacrifice. But if they had the capability to do what they did and say what they said, damn, I. Then I don't want them in my friend group anymore.

[Eric]

I want to know what she said.

[Jeff]

I want to know what Julie said.

[Jen]

Have you started to do the processing yet of this Julie person, the gossiper, what they're now saying about you?

[Burt]

Oh, they're destroying you behind the scenes, Eric.

[Jeff]

They're destroying you. I'm sure.

[Burt]

But they're so mean, girls.

[Jeff]

And.

[Jen]

Okay, hold on. Cause Burt brought this. And this is another thing that actually frightened me. But Burt brought this up using the same characters, the cast in your world. Okay, so Samantha's the one being talked about. When you went to Samantha, did she come back to you with anything like, oh, yeah, well, guess what? This is what she's been saying about you.

[Eric]

Because Burt pointed out initially in the initial conversation.

[Jeff]

In the initial conversation, I think it was shock, wanting more clarity about exactly what happened and exactly what was said, and then she was thankful.

[Jen]

But did she ever come back to you and say at any point, not maliciously, but say. It's interesting, you tell me that she bring up.

[Burt]

Yes, she did do that.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Burt]

So this same girl is gossiping about everybody in the group.

[Jeff]

The same person is.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Eric]

Well, I think the thing is, though, a gossiper who has vicious gossip is doing that. That's how they live their life. You know, I think you're.

[Jeff]

Because it's more of a concern with everyone else's life rather than your own. Yeah.

[Eric]

And they're not just gossiping about one person. Their conversation with everybody involves gossip about people.

[Burt]

I've seen this in groups before in social groups, too. And both. I think both are guilty of this, men and women, that they all. Everybody hangs out and everybody is so nice to each other's faces. But then when they're separated from the bigger group and they're in their sub packs, they all talk so much crap about each other.

[Jeff]

I think everybody talks about everything.

[Jen]

Smaller circles talk about the bigger circle.

[Burt]

Then when the larger circle gets along, everybody's like, boyfriend, girlfriend.

[Jeff]

I do think brother, sister is. I mean, everybody sort of talks about what's going on in everyone's life or. Or, you know, thinking about, you know, like, women love to overanalyze people's decisions. They make this decision. Right, whatever. But, like, it's never mean or vicious. And that's where to me, it stepped over the line of, you needed to know that this is mean and vicious.

[Jen]

So would you have done the same thing over again?

[Jeff]

I think now, looking back on it, even after getting blasted and hung up on and that relationship being over, I think I would, because I placed the value on the person who was being talked about more so because I don't think that that person would do the same thing to anyone else. You know what I mean?

[Burt]

Are you tighter now with the person that was being gossiped about?

[Jeff]

I mean, I don't think instantly. I mean, I think we're close anyway, so it wasn't that. It was just going to a song.

[Eric]

So we can ask her off air. Who is it? What is that?

[Burt]

Let's gossip about the gospel.

[Eric]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jeff]

It's not, you know the scenario or whatever or, like the advice that, you know, we were talking about with Jeff's whole situation before. But it's just that it's funny how it instantly became a reality in my life. And the decision I made was not to go to the gossiper. It was to go to the one being gossiped about. And had I.

[Jen]

Now, was there any concern. Because I'm asking you about. Was there any concern that the gossips. Yeah, that the gossiper and the gossipee. So in your scenario, the Julie and the Samantha were closer than you and the other two, so that they would form an alliance against you and you'd be. And they would be like, form an.

[Jeff]

Alliance, like a survivor.

[Jen]

It'd be like, oh, my God, she's crazy.

[Jeff]

It would depend on everybody's situation. I didn't think so in this case, but certainly that could have happened. Absolutely. But it was. It's just saying, like, if you go through with this, it's a major risk because you could lose one or the other or both.

[Jen]

You are my guru of gossip. Thank you for the knowledge you've given me.

[Burt]

I've said this a million times. That we really do not evolve from the ninth grade only.

[Jen]

God.

[Burt]

Which just don't evolve. I mean, it's all the same crap that we've been dealing with since the ninth grade now.

[Jeff]

It really is ninth grade stuff. Yeah. So it's just one of those things.

[Jen]

It's seriously serious.

[Eric]

Seriously.

[Jeff]

Cut out the negative energy.

[Eric]

Let it go.

[Jeff]

Because you know what? People who hold on to negativity, it's them wasting their energy on it. Not me.

[Jen]

Only Joy.

[Burt]

Only Joy. Hey, the bird show.