Vault: Her Parents Won't Allow Her To Celebrate Her 21st Birthday!

Summary

---

The Bert Show: Vault - Her Parents Won't Allow Her To Celebrate Her 21st Birthday!

Original Air Date: February 11, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This episode centers on Catherine, a college student who’s about to turn 21 but faces resistance from her Southern Baptist parents about celebrating the milestone with the typical traditions, such as going out drinking. The Bert Show cast (Burt, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and more) discuss family expectations, generational divides, handling guilt and pressure, and possible paths Catherine could take to mark her birthday while balancing respect for her parents and her own desire for independence.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catherine’s Dilemma: Turning 21 Under Strict Parental Rules

• Catherine shares that her parents—particularly due to their Southern Baptist beliefs and a family history of alcoholism—are against her going out and celebrating her 21st birthday in the typical way ([00:01]-[00:57]).
• Living at home and being the oldest of four siblings, she feels added pressure to be a “good role model” ([00:23]), and her parents use their authority and the “our roof, our rules” philosophy ([01:10], [01:25]).

2. Parental Influence: Religion and Family History

• Therese probes into the religious aspect ([00:57]), with Catherine confirming their Southern Baptist background, noting the strictness especially regarding alcohol ([01:04]-[01:24]).
• Catherine's mom’s difficult experiences with an alcoholic parent also play a part ([01:50]), which leads her to feel her parents don’t trust her and expect her to mess up ([01:50]-[02:15]).

3. The Burden of Being the Oldest

• The other hosts express sympathy for Catherine as the oldest child, agreeing her siblings will likely get away with more in the future ([02:15]-[02:25]).

4. Possible Workarounds and Suggested Compromises

• Jim proposes a "don't ask, don't tell" approach: Catherine could spend the night out with friends, have her fun discreetly, and avoid direct confrontation ([02:36], [05:03]).
• Catherine considers this, knowing it isn’t foolproof but debating if enduring the parental “mouths” is preferable ([02:53], [05:29]).

5. Catherine’s Ideal 21st

• When asked what her perfect birthday would look like, Catherine says simply getting out to a bar and being able to proudly show her new ID ([03:14]), not necessarily getting drunk to excess ([03:14]-[03:30]).
• Burt and Jim joke about Atlanta destinations and classic coming-of-age rituals ([03:30]-[03:36]).

6. The Pressure and Emotional Impact

• Catherine feels her parents are projecting their own fears and experiences onto her, and that she’s being unjustly treated (“they’re coming from a place of fear” - Therese [04:25], “they’re just being so…” - Catherine [04:10]).
• A caller urges her to seize the opportunity, warning of possible future regret if she doesn’t have her 21st birthday celebration ([05:48]).

7. Moving Out as a Solution

• Catherine mentions she’s moving out in a few months due to a new job and a long commute ([06:49]), but it’s not soon enough for her milestone birthday ([06:41]).

8. Honest or Secretive?

• Several opinions surface:
  • Should Catherine be honest about her plans and risk her parents’ disapproval, or quietly go out with friends?
  • Callers share perspectives from their own experiences, including one with a rehab counselor parent advocating for honesty ([10:39]), and a mother of a 21-year-old suggesting respect is most important—even if it means waiting ([11:56]).
• Therese acknowledges it’s difficult with conservative parents and the burden of being first; sometimes a strategic little white lie is easier ([11:20]).

9. Celebrating on a Delay

• Some suggest Catherine could celebrate a few days after her birthday, once there’s less pressure or scrutiny, though others stress the magic of celebrating exactly at 21 ([12:28]).

10. The Power of Midnight

• Jen Hobby suggests going out at midnight as soon as it’s officially Catherine’s birthday ([08:13]), providing a workaround for a strict celebratory timeline.
• The hosts reminisce about the rites of passage, from showing ID at a club to parents sometimes joining the party ([09:12], [13:06]).

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Catherine (On parental rules):
  • “I think it's gonna be a little worse of a time if I'm not allowed to celebrate that.” ([00:09])
  • “I'm putting myself through college. So it kind of matters because they are throwing the guilt trip on the oldest of four children.” ([00:23])
• Therese (On religion and guilt):
  • “Is it a religious... What religion are you?” ([00:57])
  • “It's a guilt trip. Like you're going to be. They're going to talk to you.” ([06:19])
• Jim (On family rules):
  • “It really is sort of a classic example of if you're under our roof, then you gotta live by our rules type deal.” ([01:25])
• Burt Weiss (On parental hypocrisy):
  • “That's not the answer you wanted.” ([01:43])
  • “You talk as the guy whose voice is burned out from drinking and partying.” ([07:44])
• Catherine (On family history):
  • “Alcoholism does run in my family. My mom grew up with an alcoholic father...I can understand why they're coming from where they're coming from. But I take it very personally.” ([01:50])
• Caller, 23-year-old woman ([05:48]):
  • “I didn't really celebrate my 21st birthday the way I wanted to...If I could, I would totally take it back in a heartbeat...That's something you're just gonna regret one day because you only turn 21 once.”
• Caller, man with rehab counselor dad ([10:39]):
  • “My parents are really against drinking...I just told them, you know, I'm not going to bring alcohol into your house. I'm not going to be disrespectful of you. And I just think that it went over way better than if I would have lied to them.”
• Jen Hobby (On celebrating at midnight):
  • “That would sort of mark the day...the whole clock strike midnight thing. Go walk up to the bartender, walk up to the police officer and be like, look at my ID. I'm really 21.” ([08:53])
• Mindy, mother of five daughters ([13:45]):
  • “I have three adult daughters who did a lot of stuff that I never found out about until later. And you only have one chance to celebrate your 21st birthday, and I think you should just go out and do it. Your mom and your dad are going to love you no matter what.”

---

Key Timestamps

• 00:01-00:57 — Catherine explains her dilemma: parents won’t allow celebration
• 00:57-01:24 — Religion and alcohol: Southern Baptist background
• 01:50-02:15 — Family history of alcoholism and feelings of distrust
• 02:36-03:08 — Hosts brainstorm secretive celebration workarounds
• 03:14-03:36 — Catherine's ideal birthday and Atlanta references
• 04:25-05:03 — Parental guilt, pressure, and potential for parental plans to intervene
• 05:48-06:41 — Advice from a 23-year-old caller about birthday regrets and guilt trips
• 06:49-07:19 — Catherine will move out post-birthday; milestone timing
• 08:13-08:53 — Midnight celebration suggestions
• 10:39-11:18 — Caller who advocates honesty about going out
• 11:56-12:28 — Parent caller endorses respecting parents, even if it means postponing
• 13:45-13:47 — Parent of five daughters encourages Catherine to go out and celebrate

---

Conclusion

The hosts and callers provide a spectrum of advice—from honesty and compromise, to strategic subterfuge or simply waiting it out. The consensus: turning 21 is a unique milestone, and while respecting parents is important, so is creating memorable rites of passage. Though there’s no simple solution, Catherine is encouraged to weigh her personal values and family dynamic before deciding how to celebrate her birthday.

---

Transcript

[Burt Weiss]

The Burt Show.

[Jim]

Good morning, Catherine. So what's going on?

[Catherine]

It's actually my 21st birthday.

[Therese]

Oh, wow. That changes things a little bit.

[Jim]

Okay, my bad.

[Catherine]

I think it's gonna be a little worse of a time if I'm not allowed to celebrate that.

[Therese]

Well. And, well, the wedding. When we were confused, I thought, well, at least the parents have a say so because they may be paying for it. But your 21st birthday, why does your parents opinion matter?

[Catherine]

Well, it matters a little bit because I do still live with them for a few more months and I can't financially move out for a few more months because some student loans and stuff. I'm putting myself through college. So it kind of matters because they are throwing the guilt trip on the oldest of four children. So I have three younger siblings. They are, you know, saying, you should be a good role model. You should, you know, that's just not how we do things around here. And they're also saying, you know, you live under our roof now.

[Therese]

Is it a religious. We brought up their religion several times leading up to the conversation. What, what religion are you?

[Catherine]

Southern Baptist.

[Therese]

Okay.

[Catherine]

So that is part of it. Yeah.

[Jim]

Are those the most hardcore in the.

[Therese]

Pretty much.

[Jim]

Yeah.

[Catherine]

Yeah, yeah. Like, and when you mentioned, like, no dancing in the fellowship hall and stuff like that, it's like they parents aren't exactly the hardcore Southern Baptist, but when it comes to the alcohol, they're pretty strict on that.

[Therese]

Mm.

[Jim]

So it really is sort of a classic example of if you're under our roof, then you gotta live by our rules type deal.

[Catherine]

It's, it's that. And also, I know it's, I know it's a mixture of stuff like I was talking to my dad and I was like, what were you doing at my age? And he goes, that's exactly why I'm not letting you go out.

[Burt Weiss]

That's not the answer you wanted.

[Therese]

Yeah. That's unfair because, like, oh, I had fun and I was able to party, but you can't. Yeah.

[Catherine]

And I said, oh, you're so fair. And you know, alcoholism does run in my family. My mom grew up with an alcoholic father and it was a bad, bad situation for her. So I can understand where, like, why they're coming from, where they're coming from. But I take it very personally because I feel like they're showing, like they're telling me I'm irresponsible and that I'm going to go out and do something stupid or something.

[Therese]

I do feel bad also because you're the oldest, that they're putting so much pressure on you. Because I do think that once your siblings get to that point, they're gonna lax a little bit.

[Burt Weiss]

They won't care.

[Catherine]

Yeah, they always do. Yeah. My siblings can get away with murder right now, and I'm like, punish them.

[Therese]

Yeah. I think they're. I think they're trying to treat this taking it more seriously than it should be.

[Jim]

Is there a chance you could do, like, a don't tell, don't, don't ask, don't tell type deal? Like, you spend the night out, a couple of nights or a night or whatever, you go do what you want to do, and then you come home totally sober, and even though they sort of know what you did, it's unspoken and nobody gets hurt.

[Catherine]

That's what I was kind of thinking about doing is going out with a friend that, you know, they know and all that stuff and being like, yeah, I'm just gonna spend a night at her house and we're gonna just hang out or we're gonna go out dancing. I mean, they don't really know what that means because they old.

[Jen Hobby]

So what would be your perfect 21st birthday?

[Catherine]

I don't know, like, just getting out. Because just being in Atlanta, just getting out, you know, I don't want to be, like, puking my guts out. That's no fun. But, you know, be able to go to the bar and, like, show my ID and be like, yeah, I'm 21. What, now you want to go to.

[Burt Weiss]

The cheetah class on Saturday?

[Catherine]

That would be fun. But you have to be 21 for that. Do you not?

[Jim]

You do.

[Burt Weiss]

When's your birthday?

[Catherine]

8,000, 808. So I want to. Yeah, that makes it even worse. It's like, I want to celebrate. Like, it's a cool day, too.

[Jim]

Have you. You have had drinks before?

[Catherine]

Can I plead the fifth on that?

[Jim]

Okay, so you have.

[Burt Weiss]

Have you been drunk before?

[Therese]

Yes.

[Catherine]

Fifth Amendment.

[Jim]

Right again, we'll just go ahead and assume things here. Well, assume so the real. So what is your question? Like, how do you get around your parents that day?

[Catherine]

Yeah, they're. They're just being so. Like, it's. I even, like, semi close to my birthday, and they're already saying, well, you're not gonna go out. And I can't believe that you think you're gonna go out and get smashed and you're gonna do this and you're gonna do that.

[Therese]

That's not fair. They're not being fair. I think that, you know, they're giving you a hard Time. Because they, they're coming from a place of fear. Well, no, they're coming from a place of fear. And you're their first kid to reach 21. So again, I think it's harder on you. And I'm wondering whether it's the night of your birthday to go out or to kind of dodge them a little bit because I'm afraid that they're going to start making plans for you on your birthday.

[Catherine]

I have a feeling that's what they're going to be doing. Like, I have, like, my dad's brother is already like, yeah, you're going to come to our house. And I'm like, oh, yay.

[Therese]

So it might be a case where after your birthday you may just have to postpone it for a day or two and then spend the night with a friend.

[Jim]

404-741-Q100. I wonder if they're not setting this hardcore rule down on you also to set an example for the rest of the family. Younger siblings, totally what they're doing. Yeah, but there, here's why I like just going somewhere else. Then if they know, but they don't know, and your brother and sister don't see it and your parents don't see it, even though they know what was going on, I don't see how that hurts.

[Jen Hobby]

Doesn't sound like they're gonna be that cool about it.

[Catherine]

I was wondering if that's what I should do, just kind of not be around. But then, you know, they're still gonna know. They're still gonna give me a hard time. But I guess it's easier to put up with their mouths than.

[Jen Hobby]

That's a tough place to be. Because they do have some say. Cause you're still living with them.

[Jim]

Hey, Therese. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Catherine]

Good morning.

[Caller (23-year-old woman)]

I just want to say to her, I'm 23 and I didn't really celebrate my 21st birthday the way I wanted to. And if I could, I would totally take it back in a heartbeat it to the fullest. Because that's something you're just gonna regret one day because you only turn 21 once. That's your one shot at, you know, just going crazy. But not like, you know, don't do anything stupid. But you get to actually drink your limit and you get to have fun and if you have great friends who will watch you, it's just a great time. It's not something stupid.

[Therese]

Well, I do think though, I mean, I, I have Southern Baptist friends, so you talk about guilt trip. It is a guilt trip. Like you're going to be. They're going to talk to you. That's why I think they're going to plan something on your birthday. I think they are going to force it to where you don't get to do anything on your birthday like you want. But Jim brought up a great point about you still in with your parents, that you said you'll be out of there in a few months.

[Catherine]

Right. But not by my birthday.

[Therese]

Well, I understand that, but when are you going to be out?

[Catherine]

Probably around September, October.

[Burt Weiss]

Do they know you're leaving yet?

[Catherine]

Yeah, they know. I just got a job way, way across town and it's impossible for me to commute. It's about an hour and a half commute one way every day. So it's a really bad commute.

[Therese]

And I understand the 21st birthday and that's your last chance to blow it out, but I do think that in the back of your mind there's a consolation. I think that once you move out, then you may be able to kind of have another, maybe another celebration. I know you're looking at me, but she's got a Southern Baptist family that she lives with, and I'm telling you.

[Burt Weiss]

You gotta do it on your 21st.

[Jim]

Yes. Even if it's not, it's gotta be close, like 48 hours, 72 hours.

[Catherine]

Especially if it's straight eights too. I think that's so awesome.

[Therese]

Well, it depends on if you're willing to lie to your par. That's the thing right now. If you're willing to lie to your parents is the only way you're gonna get away with it.

[Jim]

I'm torn between thinking that I have to say the role model y thing to do and then the way I really want you to handle it.

[Burt Weiss]

You talk as the guy whose voice is burned out from drinking and partying.

[Therese]

It is.

[Jim]

There are certain milestones in your life, you know, that you look back on fondly or not fondly. But it was that day, that experience, you know, and 21 is one of them.

[Jen Hobby]

It definitely is.

[Jim]

And good or bad your parents want to take that away from you. I don't know. I say. I say just stay away from them for the day and do it the way you want.

[Jen Hobby]

Well, if they plan a party for 8,808, you know, at midnight, 8 7, you're gonna turn 21.

[Burt Weiss]

So that's when you go out.

[Jen Hobby]

Like, could you do anything that night before? So say, they say your birthday falls on a Saturday. Just hypothetically. I don't know what day it falls on. But if you went with them to the party and then the night before the party, spend the night with your friend.

[Catherine]

I didn't think about that.

[Jim]

That's really good.

[Jen Hobby]

That's a good point right there.

[Burt Weiss]

Well done.

[Jen Hobby]

Jen Hobby, hungover on her birthday in partying.

[Jim]

But the problem is, if she feels.

[Therese]

Like she feels terrible on her birthday.

[Burt Weiss]

Then it doesn't matter.

[Jen Hobby]

It's only a couple hours because it'd be midnight till 2. So she can't hit the ground running too hard, right.

[Burt Weiss]

Unless she's at a house party first. And then she goes and flashes the idea at midnight, but it doesn't matter.

[Jen Hobby]

Well, you have to be careful.

[Burt Weiss]

Your hangover's an hour and 45 minutes long.

[Therese]

That's true, that's true.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah. You have to be careful with how much you do. But I mean, at midnight, that would sort of mark the day. It would, you know, the do the whole clock strike midnight thing. That go walk up to the bartender, walk up to the police officer and be like, look at my ID. I'm really 21. Because that was my favorite part. Going up to the bouncers of the clubs that wouldn't, you know, would never. You would never even try with a fake id. And going up to those and having them flash the flashlight on it and look at it, front, back, the other side, you're like, ha, that really is me.

[Catherine]

Let me in.

[Therese]

Well, and your parents will never think about that. Like, if you spend the night with somebody the night before, they will never consider the fact that you're going out.

[Burt Weiss]

I gotta just be careful with that story. Because when we were in college, we went to visit a friend at a school in Albany on his 21st birthday. And his girlfriend thought it would be funny. So she left the bar like a half hour early and went to the next bar we were going to be at at midnight and said, hey, I want to let you know that my boyfriend's coming up. This is what his name is. And he's gonna have a real legal ID. Today's his 21st birthday. Confiscate it.

[Jim]

Oh, Whitey Jack.

[Burt Weiss]

And the bouncer goes, okay, that'd be really funny. And she goes, okay, we'll be there in a half hour. Please don't forget, please don't forget, please don't forget. And the guy's like, no problem. So then she goes back to the party. We all think it's funny. Well, he goes on break or moves to the back door and relays the message to the Next bouncer, but didn't completely understand it. And this bar was famous for having a paper shredder right by the front door.

[Jim]

Checked it up.

[Burt Weiss]

So what the second bouncer heard was, hey, when Bert Weiss comes up, that's a fake id.

[Catherine]

Shred it.

[Jen Hobby]

No. And it was his real ID on.

[Burt Weiss]

His whip, and it was like a Friday night. So, you know, no new license until Monday morning.

[Catherine]

Oh, that sucks.

[Jen Hobby]

Terrible.

[Burt Weiss]

Wouldn't let him in. Nothing.

[Jim]

Hey, ally, you're on Q100.

[Burt Weiss]

Have fun.

[Caller (Man with rehab counselor dad)]

Hey, I was calling to let the girl know that I think that she should just be honest with her parents and.

[Therese]

No.

[Caller (Man with rehab counselor dad)]

Well, I was in the same situation when I turned 21, and my parents, you know, I grew up with alcoholism running in my family. My parents are really against drinking. My dad's actually a rehab counselor, so he's very adamantly against drinking. And honestly, I just told them, you know, I'm not going to bring alcohol into your house. I'm not going to be disrespectful of you. And I just think that it went over way better than if I would have lied to them about it, because it would have been a lie that would have had to go on for years because they never would have changed and I would have had to continue to lie.

[Jim]

Little white lie.

[Therese]

Well, I just think that. I think. Yeah, I think. Yeah. I think when you have conservative parents and you're the oldest and you're the one they're gonna cut their teeth on when it comes to discipline. I just don't know if you. I don't know.

[Jim]

I. Personally, I think I would take the. The few days afterwards and start partying rather than the day before, because it will always be on her mind that night, even come midnight. She knows she can't really let loose because she's going to see her parents in a couple of hours, whereas she waits a couple of days, then she can really have.

[Jen Hobby]

But it's not on her birthday. That's the coolest part about turning 21 is it's on your birthday.

[Jim]

That's true. Hey, Nikki, you're on Q100. You'll be the last call. What's up?

[Nikki (Mother caller)]

Hi. Morning. Just a few comments. I'm a mother of a 21 year old, and he compromised that position way before his 21st birthday, before she's already pled the fifth. So therefore she's already have to. I would not compromise the respect that she has for her parents. You know, enlighten them, go out with them on your birthday, plan it the weekend before, plan it the weekend after, but don't compromise the respect.

[Therese]

Well, it can't be the weekend before because she won't be 21. Well, I mean, don't you think as.

[Nikki (Mother caller)]

A parent, though, it's 21 in the past neither.

[Therese]

Well, don't you think as a parent, though, a 21 year old is an adult?

[Nikki (Mother caller)]

Oh, definitely. Definitely. I wish mine actually was 18 of an adult. But, you know, sometimes it takes longer. But I just think that, you know, don't enlighten them. Go. Go the weekend after then, you know, I don't know.

[Therese]

I don't know if enlightening them is the proper word.

[Jim]

I think she's the same. She says it's more respectful if you don't that day just because your parents said you shouldn't.

[Therese]

I know, but a 21 year old, I just. I really think that some parents needed, you know, lighten up. I do.

[Jim]

We need your help on this.

[Catherine]

My mom actually went out with me.

[Therese]

On my 21st birthday.

[Jim]

Oh, my gosh. There's an option.

[Burt Weiss]

I was there in vision.

[Jen Hobby]

Yes.

[Burt Weiss]

And I remember walking in and. Because I was working that night, and it was like, hey, it's Wendy's 21st birthday. I'm like, oh, happy birthday, Wendy. This is her mom.

[Jim]

Oh, is that the night you hooked.

[Therese]

Up with your mom?

[Jim]

You hooked up. I remember you coming and telling the stories.

[Burt Weiss]

I'm in love with Wendy's mom.

[Jim]

So, Katherine, we gave you a couple of different things you can chew on there.

[Catherine]

All right. I appreciate it.

[Jen Hobby]

Good luck.

[Therese]

Good luck. Happy birthday.

[Catherine]

Thanks.

[Jim]

What do you think you're gonna do?

[Caller (Man with rehab counselor dad)]

I don't know.

[Catherine]

I'm probably gonna have to spend the night with a friend.

[Jim]

Hold on, Let me just take one more quick call. Mindy, go ahead. You're on Q100.

[Mindy (Mother caller)]

Hey, guys. Good morning.

[Jim]

Good morning.

[Mindy (Mother caller)]

I just wanted to tell her that I'm the mother of five daughters. I have three adult daughters who did a lot of stuff that I never found out about until later. And you only have one chance to celebrate your 21st birthday, and I think you should just go out and do it. Your mom and your dad are going to love you no matter what the bird show.