A (1:32)

Yeah, parental logic.

C (1:35)

They accused her of somehow making me okay with it or something. I was like, no, I was okay with it before.

A (1:45)

How dare her try to make you feel okay about being you.

C (1:49)

Well, see, then they decided to send me to another therapist, a Christian therapist and.

B (1:56)

To try to rehabilitate you or something.

C (1:58)

Yeah. But the funny thing was, I don't think he really wanted to rehabilitate me either. So that kind of ended up being a waste of money too.

A (2:08)

I think this is probably pretty standard stuff, right?

B (2:10)

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. That's why, I guess what they accused the therapist of and not surprised that they switched him to one of a religious background, assuming that somebody of a religious background would find it as wrong as they do And I think, you know, and when it's close to home, and especially I think Jillian being you know, a guy, I will. I still can, you know, say that it's a lot harder, I think, for gay men than gay women. And you know, I just. Yeah. When it's close to home like these, you know, your parents, I don't know whether they would ever have been people who would said, well, you know, everybody teaches own, but when it's in your own family, all of a sudden you become ultra conservative.

A (2:44)

Yeah, it's amazing how open minded your parents are until that situation happens to them. Right. So, Julian. Okay, so at that point, they obviously aren't handling the news well. Where is the relationship now with your parents? Do they accept you now?

C (3:03)

Well, after I. Well, okay. Over this past summer, I went back home to Detroit because I'm originally from Detroit and I was staying with my grandmother and I visited my godmother a few times. And I told my godmother and apparently around September, my godmother and my mom are best friends. And I guess my godmother decided to confront my mom, asking her why she never told her about this and all this other stuff. So then my mom calls me in and she's like, we need to talk. And we talked for a while and she was like, well, I guess since you feel the need to tell other people, you must not be confused about it or, you know, something like that. So I'm telling you today, that accepts you. So I'm like, okay, good, you know, we've made progress. But lo and behold, a week later, she's like, I just don't understand it. Like, wait a minute, I thought we already had this discussion.

D (4:03)

Right.

A (4:05)

You know, Melissa and I have talked about this before and I said some painful. Melissa took it painfully, but I was honest with her when I said that as a parent, if my now 3 year old eventually comes to me and tells me he's gay initially, there's gonna be some disappointment. I like to think I'm gonna handle it differently. Like I have unconditional love for this kid. I mean, eventually. And I don't think it's gonna take all that long, but the shock, there will be some disappointment there for me, but kind of last thing I want to do is to make my kid not okay with himself.

D (4:37)

So especially at age 15, I think too, because I mean, you can't drink, vote, drive none. So I'm sure if you're the parent, you're thinking he's just got hormones raging through him.

B (4:49)

He's a phase media has encouraged him, you know, to do this. The therapist is everybody else on the Bird show. Yeah, Melissa on the Burt show. I mean, she can do whatever. But you know what? That's. That's her that, you know, that's no way to be. But the thing that frustrates me, I think, is parent. It's not about the parents. Like the parent, I understand about protecting the child, but I think the painful thing is the disappointment affects the kid is what Bird and my conversation was about. Like, it's not about the parent. It's not about you. And I think that what comes in that fear from parents and the reason, like Julie and your mother, their reputation is on the line. Like, it's not. It's no longer about the son and protecting him from any. You know, if a parent says, well, I'm worried about you and what you're gonna face in your life, that's one thing. But most parents are worried about what they are gonna face with their friends and their family in their own.

A (5:41)

And I think where I'm coming from with that and talking about the disappointment, it's not the reputation of the family, because the reputation of my family can only get better. It's more that you have these hopes and dreams and I guess there's this implied future, you know, with your child. And when they come to you and they say everything that you thought was gonna happen in the future probably is not, I think that's a little bit shocking to the system as a parent and a little disappointing.

B (6:08)

Well, but the thing that, you know, finding love, being in committed relationship, if those are the things you're talking about, that's still going to happen regardless, you know, and the reason I get on the air and I fight for legal rights is so that that future can be the same regardless of what your child, who your child you know is in love with, and Julian. But I think your parents problem is the reputation, their own reputation. You know, I don't think it has anything to do with Julian and his life. I think it has to do with his parents. Julian, we've only talked about your mom so far. What's your dad's reaction been?

C (6:39)

Well, when I first came out and told them, he didn't speak to me or look at me for three straight weeks. That was pretty mean. And ever since then, he just doesn't ever talk about it. Only my mom talks about it because I don't know, my dad doesn't like to talk about things that bother him. And it's obviously something that bothers him. And I only hear how he feels about it from my mom. Like, she was telling me how he's basically beating himself up because he feels like he did something to make me gay.

A (7:17)

So the next level of this whole thing is that now you're kind of taking a peek into your future and looking at your prom and you want to bring a guy with you.

C (7:25)

Yes.

A (7:27)

And what's your question on how to handle that with your parents?

C (7:30)

Yeah.

A (7:32)

I don't know.

B (7:32)

Well, Julian, I mean, I think you have taken on so much at such a young age, because I certainly. I was certainly much more of a coward than you. At 17, I was in relationships. I'd already been with women, but yeah, I was by no means as strong as you are. And that's, you know, a lot to take on. Now, how is the school going to handle that? Like, my first thought when you said this was, is the school even going to allow you to bring a guy to the prom?

C (7:57)

Well, I'm not sure. It is ultra conservative. I. Yeah.

B (8:07)

Is it a private school or a public school?

C (8:09)

It's a public school. So technically I could always get around it and be like, hey, it's a public school. I should be able to bring whoever I want to bring. I've seen lesbian couples, but I've never seen a gay couple there.

A (8:24)

Let me give the phone number out here too, if you guys have any suggestions for. Julian. 404-741-1005. So there's not like they can't make a blanket statement that there can't be gay couples at the prom. Right? I mean.

C (8:36)

Right.

A (8:36)

You'd be open. They can't say that.

D (8:38)

Well, they can try.

A (8:39)

I mean, I think that would be unconstitutional.

C (8:41)

I'm sure they would, but. Yeah, I don't think they would necessarily succeed.

A (8:44)

Right.

B (8:45)

Yeah, but they can try. And I think they would have the majority of support to keep a gay couple from coming to prom. I mean, we're not. We're not in as a progressive society as you think. Now, I think, Julian, my only thing for you is one to make sure that you're not doing this as an attack on your parents that you truly want to take. You know, if you find somebody to take to the prom, that that's what you are gonna do. And also find a support system. Cause if you're doing this by yourself and handling your parents by yourself and gonna handle the school by yourself, like, there's plenty of organizations in town for gay youth that you need some friends to help you out.

A (9:19)

Oh, okay, you know, what's your instinct say to do?

C (9:25)

My instinct says I just need to randomly bring a guy home and see how they take it. And if they can take that, hopefully they'll be able to take me taking a cat prom.

A (9:36)

David here has some advice for you. Hey, David, you're on with Julian.

C (9:39)

Hey, Bert. I went through something similar like this where I was in high school and came out at 16. And for me, it was kind of a similar situation where my parents didn't know. And basically I was kind of blessed in that I was able to keep my school life and my home life totally hidden from them. And what really helped me was the fact that everyone at my school already knew. So it was kind of a non issue. Even though I ended up taking a girl to prom. Everyone's back question was, why didn't you bring your boyfriend? And it was basically because he didn't feel comfortable going.

B (10:19)

Julian, are you out at school?

C (10:21)

Am I out?

A (10:23)

Julian, are you out at school?

C (10:26)

No.

A (10:26)

No.

C (10:27)

Well, yes, I am, but a lot of people think it's just a rumor. So, like, every day I have someone walk up to me, are you gay? And I'm like, yeah. They're like, really? I'm like, yeah.

A (10:41)

So you're not, obviously not hiding it from anybody. I mean, you're on the radio with us this morning. You're letting everybody know who you are and.

C (10:46)

Right.

D (10:47)

So you understand, like with. With Bert, you know, going back to what Bert said earlier about the, you know, the initial shock, you know, of being somebody's dad who comes out, especially a boy who comes out and says he's gay, you know, like, you got to feel like you did, you know, something wrong or screwed something up or whatever. And I think it's. I mean, at some point, I would hope that your dad would not only accept you, but it's pretty impressive how at age 17 in high school, like, somebody comes up and says, are you gay? And you're like, yeah. And like, that's it. Like, that's pretty. Like, I hope you realize what a big deal that is. I think we're all in here. Like, I think Bert was a little shocked. I'm a little shocked at how strong Julian is. Strong.

B (11:30)

I certainly know, like I said, I was not that way. I was hiding and lying and doing all that kind of stuff. At 17, yeah, it's a little tough.

A (11:37)

To ask this room for advice because three of us have absolutely no experience in this area at all. And one didn't really appreciate the way that she handled her own situation when she was married.

B (11:47)

Well, I mean. And I think part of the reason that I'm doing what I do today is because of that guilt and that anxiety I felt. I don't want. I'm glad that Julian's doing this. And if I can contribute to anybody, not have. Yeah, I'm trying to make up for it. I mean, that's one of the motivations for me being out on the radio doing what I'm doing is because of what I did in high school that I do regret. And now, Julian. Youth Pride is one of the organizations here in Atlanta that is composed of gay high school and college kids. And so when I said a support system, There could be plenty of people in Youth Pride that have been through what you're going through or have maybe have some advice for you as well.

C (12:27)

Right.

A (12:28)

Sherry, good morning.

C (12:29)

Hey.

A (12:30)

Hi. You're on with Julian. You have some advice for me?

B (12:32)

Hi, Julian.

C (12:32)

How are you? Pretty good.

E (12:34)

I am so proud of you. I'm 36, and I came out when I was 30, and it was really tough on me with my parents, and it took them several years to accept it. And the fact that you have done this at your age is amazing. And I hope you realize how significant it is and that you are able to start your life at your age and not have to wait.

A (12:57)

Yeah. How awful that must be. I mean, and I think this is probably the norm to have to go 30, 40, 50 years with this secret of such a vital part of your own personality.

E (13:08)

Right. You know, the only advice I have for you is to stay as strong as you are, to keep remembering that you are who you are. And just don't let your parents negatively affect you. It can hurt when your dad. When your dad abandons you or doesn't talk to you and just stay where you are, man, you're doing great.

B (13:32)

A woman came up to me at the Holly Gay party the other night and told me a story that I, you know, was really touching. And Jill and I wanted to tell you this story to let you know, like, her thing about how it takes a while for parents to accept you. So a woman came up to me at the holiday party who came out to her mom recently, and her mom was not accepting of it. And she was an old. She was an adult. So she was not still in high school or college or anything. And one of her advice to her mother was to listen to the Burt show and hear me talk to my mother, Millie Pete. And because Millie Pete is accepting of me, she's a 76 year old woman from Kentucky who is as conservative as they come. But, Julian, it took, I want to say, six years maybe for Millie Pete to finally realize I wasn't getting married, realize that I wasn't going to, you know, date guys and that kind of thing. So I think with your dad, you have to remember that parents are human too. And they were raised a certain way, and they were raised in a much more conservative environment than your generation was raised. And I think that you just have to be patient and give time. And like I said, if you want to bring a guy home, great. But do it authentically. Do it because you really want to bring the guy home. Not because you want to challenge your dad or challenge your mom, because that's not fair to them. Like, I really do believe that you, these are your parents and you have a lifetime of relationship with them. So make sure that everything you do is because you really, in your heart, want to do it. And not to make, you know, to see if your dad's gonna talk to you or have a reaction, you know what I'm saying? Because it may take him a long time to come around, but you just show him that you really are confident and secure in this decision to be out and that you truly are happy. And then eventually your parents, because all they want is for you to be happy. And once Millie Pete realized, you know what, she's a lot happier in relationships with women than any relationship I've ever saw her with a guy. That's what made Millie Pete change her mind. She wanted me to be happy. Seeing me happy, she accepted me. Does that make sense?

C (15:27)

Yeah.

A (15:28)

So, hey, Julian, we got a roll. Most people on the phones are more just calling up to congratulate you and tell you that they're very proud of your strength. And we're not getting a lot of advice calls. Okay? So here's what I'd like to do.

D (15:40)

You're way too functional and smart for this show, so people can't give you advice.

B (15:44)

You're very confident and so well spoken at such a young age. And I think everybody's really impressed by you, Julian.

A (15:49)

What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna get your email. And after the show, generally, what happens when the people that had advice couldn't get through? Because everybody's calling up to patch on the back, right. They will email us and we'll just send the emails to you with the advice. Okay?

C (16:01)

Okay.

B (16:01)

All right. Congratulations, Julian.

A (16:02)

Yeah, man.

C (16:03)

Thank you.

A (16:03)

Very impressive.

B (16:04)

And life will get easier, I promise.

A (16:06)

Hey, the Burt show.