Vault: His Ex Is Holding His Car Hostage!

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: "His Ex Is Holding His Car Hostage!"

Date: December 11, 2025
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)
Hosts & Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa, Mark, Jay

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Episode Overview

In this lively and drama-filled episode, the Bert Show crew fields a call from "Mark," a listener whose ex-girlfriend is holding his car "hostage" following their messy breakup. The episode pokes fun, gets real, and goes deep into relationship dynamics, legal implications, trust, and personal responsibility—with plenty of classic Bert Show banter, candid listener call-ins, and memorable moments along the way.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Mark's Dilemma: The Car Hostage (01:47 – 06:53)

• Background: Mark had a 2.5-year relationship, during which he and his partner got a condo and a car (in her name due to his poor credit). After their breakup—prompted by Mark’s infidelity—she refuses to give him access to the car.
• Main Issue: Mark needs the car for work (it contains his work items), has paid $11,000 so far on it, but legally it’s in her name.

Notable Quote:

"We got a condo and we got a car which is in her name because I have, you know, student loans, a little screwy credit... She's got my car hostage."
— Mark, 02:07

2. The Infidelity Revealed: "Who’d you cheat with?" (02:53 – 04:10)

• After prompting by the hosts, Mark reluctantly confesses his affair was with his ex’s "cousin," clarifying it's more of a close family friend.
• The affair continued for a few months; his ex found out because the cousin told her.

Memorable Moment:

"Who’d you screw around with?"
"Her cousin."
— Jay & Mark, 03:54

3. Listeners React: No Sympathy for Mark (07:07 – 12:43)

• Callers Weigh In: Overwhelmingly, callers side with Mark's ex, not Mark.
• Hosts’ Consensus: The cast points out repeatedly that Mark has "no leg to stand on" both legally and morally.
• Legal Angle: Melissa and Jay (who is a real estate attorney) reinforce that if a car is in someone else's name, the other person has no legal claim, regardless of payment history.

Notable Quotes:

"If you go to a judge... it's in her name. It's her car."
— Melissa, 13:32

"You got nothing here."
— Mark, 09:39

"You, first of all, you don’t cheat on somebody that you’ve been in a relationship with, regardless of whether it’s been for a week or a month, a year, 10 years. You don’t do that. That’s not being a man."
— Mark, 08:07

4. Mark’s Attitude and Attempts at Redemption (12:43 – 15:00)

• Defensiveness: Mark shows little real remorse, seems to expect sympathy, and even asks for the show's cash giveaway.
• He tries to argue the moral high ground, suggesting everyone makes mistakes, and that his ex is being unreasonable.
• Comic Relief: Hosts and callers mock his attitude and point out his lack of real apology.

Memorable Exchange:

Mark: "How many times does one person apologize?"
Melissa: "You’re not apologizing. I haven’t heard you apologize once in this conversation."
— 10:09

5. Legal Reality Confirmed (14:03 – 14:54)

• Attorney Call-in: Jay, an attorney, confirms Mark's legal position:
  • Not married, no legal entitlement to the car.
  • Even with “common law” in some states, Mark admits he has “nothing.”

Notable Quote:

"No leg to stand on, buddy."
— Jay (Attorney), 14:29

6. More Listeners Chime In: Trust, Regret, and Consequences (15:26 – 16:44)

• Some callers offer advice or share similar stories, reiterating it's a trust issue and Mark is "paying the price" for his choices.

Memorable Moment:

"You lost that trust, man. I did the same thing you did over a year ago. And I lost the most important things in my life. I really, really regret it."
— Mike, 15:59

7. Closing & Final Thoughts (17:09 – 17:29)

• Mark departs still indignant, throwing one last jab at women (“be careful because women just want your money”)—eliciting eye rolls from the cast.
• The Bert Show crew closes with their trademark wit, recapping how little Mark understood why everyone was against him.

Memorable Farewell:

"She heard you, realizes why she left you, and you’re probably never gonna hear from her again, but maybe she’ll call you now."
— Mark, 17:13

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:47 – 03:39: Mark explains the car situation and his breakup.
• 03:39 – 04:56: The affair is revealed; Mark confesses the other woman is a cousin/friend.
• 06:53 – 09:40: Hosts break down legal/ethical angles, Mark’s investments, and the "car code."
• 10:09 – 12:43: Listeners and hosts challenge Mark’s lack of remorse and entitlement.
• 14:03 – 14:54: Legal expert clarifies Mark’s position (or lack thereof).
• 15:59 – 16:20: Real-life cautionary tale from a regretful caller.
• 17:09 – 17:29: Closing jabs and wrap-up.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Hosts spot Mark’s "guilty guy storytelling":

  "You are telling a story like a guilty guy. Yada, yada, yada, we broke up. Yada, yada, yada. You screwed around on her." — Mark, 02:40

• Highlight of host honesty:

  "You called us to use us to get in touch with her to get your car back. It sounds to me like you don’t even want any advice." — Jay, 09:04

• Callers’ blunt advice:

  "Take what's left of your credit, buy some shoes and get to walking to work. You don’t cheat on your girl." — Steve, 07:07

• Full circle on remorse:

  "I made the mistake already. Why do I have to keep paying for it?...You guys are ragging on me and I'm a nice guy trying to get to work." — Mark, 16:44

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

• Candid, irreverent, and a touch ruthless: The hosts do not let Mark off easy, calling him out on his dodgy storytelling and lack of contrition.
• Lessons Recapped:
  • Legally, possession (and ownership) matter—especially if you’re not married.
  • In relationships, actions have consequences: betrayal can cost much more than your ride.
  • No one, hosts or listeners, had much sympathy for Mark given the circumstances.
• Signature Bert Show Blend: Real talk, smart banter, and humor carry the conversation, making for an engaging, advice-filled (and cautionary) episode.

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For those who missed the episode:
You get all the juicy drama and life lessons here—plus a reminder to always know whose name is on the title... and to keep it clean with your partner’s extended family.

Transcript

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[Mark]

The Bird Show Gotta get Burt show listener Mark on the phone. Hey Mark.

[Caller Mark]

Hey guys.

[Melissa]

Good morning.

[Mark]

How you doing, man?

[Caller Mark]

Well, I'm. I'm in a bit of a pickle you might say.

[Mark]

Mark's been a bad, bad, bad boy.

[Melissa]

All right.

[Caller Mark]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

What happened?

[Mark]

Bring it.

[Caller Mark]

Well, basically.

I have a long term. Well basically ex girlfriend at this point. We dated for two and a half years or so and head down the old marriage path and we got a condo and we got a car which is in her name because I have, you know, student loans, a little screwy credit that I used to go to work with every single day. And we're not together now, and she's got my car hostage.

[Mark]

Hold on a second. You're missing a couple of things here, all right? I read the email, my friend. You are telling a story like a guilty guy. Yada, yada, yada, we broke up. Yada, yada, yada. You screwed around on her.

[Caller Mark]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jay]

He's like, yeah, an important piece of.

[Melissa]

The puzzle, but she's holding my car hostage.

[Caller Mark]

Yeah. I gotta go to work, and I have. I have stuff I need for work in the car. She will not let me use the car. She won't let me talk to her to get the car.

[Melissa]

Another thing that I do have to point out is the fact that since you had shoddy credit, that she helped you out by getting the car, using her name and her credit to get it.

[Caller Mark]

But I didn't screw up her credit. I paid. I have paid every single month for 18 months already and haven't missed a payment.

[Mark]

How much money have you in this invested in this car already?

[Caller Mark]

$11,000.

[Mark]

$11,000?

[Caller Mark]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Okay, bigger, better question for you. Who'd you screw around with and where'd you do it, and how'd she find out?

[Mark]

Yeah. The details of this are going to be important because, I mean, if you did something really, really dumb. Because if you were like. I mean, if you went over the top and you did something really stupid, like you screwed around with her sister, of course she's not going to help you out.

[Caller Mark]

Well, I didn't, so what's the big deal?

[Jay]

Who'd you screw around with?

[Caller Mark]

Her cousin.

[Jay]

Her cousin?

[Caller Mark]

Yes. I guess I can. Cousin? More like a family friend.

[Mark]

Seriously.

[Caller Mark]

She'S like one of our friends.

[Melissa]

Come on, Mark, be a man. Stand up. You did it. Tell it.

[Mark]

You're the one that called us, man, so come clean.

[Caller Mark]

The reason I called, you know, I mean, I listen to you guys, but I'm not a guy who calls radio. You know, radio shows.

She listens to you all the time. She will not take my phone call. She will, you know, I send her an email and nothing.

[Mark]

All right, let's talk to you.

[Caller Mark]

She has shut the door everywhere, including the garage door, and I can't get in.

[Jay]

How did she find out? How did she find out that you cheated on her?

[Caller Mark]

Her cousin told her.

[Mark]

Now, this is a real cousin, or is this a close friend? I'm getting two different stories here.

[Caller Mark]

Well, it's her cousin. See, they call her cousin, but it's really like a second cousin, best friend removed kind of thing. It's kind of Weird. They're.

[Mark]

They're really tight.

[Caller Mark]

They're really. They're really tight. And basically we. We fooled around for a couple of months and it was all innocent and just whatever.

[Melissa]

Innocent? Mark, give me a break.

[Caller Mark]

Well, not exactly, but, you know, it's just an affair. And I said, listen, you know, I'm going out with Kathy. I. I'm not. Just forget it. And when I wouldn't, like, go out with her, she took my girlfriend out to dinner and just ratted on me.

[Mark]

All right, so let me get this straight. I'm trying to break this down here because you're being so elusive here. Okay, so you're in a relationship.

[Caller Mark]

I'm being elusive. I need. I need my car.

[Mark]

Well, hold on. You've been in this relationship for two and a half years. You start screwing around with her best friend. After a couple of months, you tell the girl that you're screwing around with.

[Caller Mark]

Look, I'm not feeling bad about it.

[Mark]

You're like, I don't want to do this anymore. And she goes to your girlfriend and tells her everything. You guys have already bought a condo together, you bought a car together, but your credit is so bad that she co. Signed for you, or she assumed the car, I guess it's in her name.

[Melissa]

Are the condo and the car both in her name?

[Caller Mark]

Well, the condo is sort of.

Extended family gift from my family and her family, because there's a long history that takes forever to say, but basically we kind of grew up together. And our families are friends as well. They used to. Our parents used to share this place.

[Melissa]

But who's that? And I appreciate all that, but the thing is, when it comes down to it. Whose name is on the mortgage or whose name is on the condo?

[Caller Mark]

Her family. Her family. They're a bunch of controlling bastards.

[Jay]

Are you still living in it? Is that where you're calling us from?

[Caller Mark]

No.

[Mark]

And she bought the car base. She bought the car, basically. And you're making payments to her, and you've already spent about 11 grand on it.

[Caller Mark]

Yeah, but I don't care about the. About the condo. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm a guy. I can live anywhere. You don't mess with a man's car. I mean, I gotta get to work.

[Mark]

You don't. You don't mess with a girl's best friend either.

[Caller Mark]

Hey, man, people make mistakes.

[Mark]

Now hold on here. Hey, Steve, you're on all the hits Q100. Let me give the phone number here out real quick. Steve. 404-74110. 05. Go ahead, Steve.

[Caller Mark]

Tell that loser he needs to take what's left of his credit, buy some shoes and get to walking to work. You don't cheat on your girl.

Like it is brother.

[Mark]

But I mean, he's already invested. He's invested $11,000 in his car.

[Melissa]

Steve, just shut up. That's stupid.

[Caller Mark]

What do you mean that's stupid?

[Melissa]

He's probably gay because he's not on my side. Because guys, you know, it's a guy code and everything. Just.

[Mark]

All right, let's see if Jose's gay also. Hey, Joseph. Yeah, hey, what's up, man?

[Caller Mark]

You know, like I was saying, Mark, you know, fine, you're right. You don't, you don't screw around your girlfriend. You don't do anything like that. Especially after long term relationships made a mistake. What's that? Never made a mistake. You, Mr. Perfect, Mr. Never cheated, Mr. Everything is happy and nice over there.

[Mark]

Here's what I don't get. Like, why did you call us up with this attitude? If you have this kind of attitude. You called us.

[Melissa]

You think, Mark, you actually think your ex girlfriend's gonna give you the after? You're being such a jerk.

[Mark]

I wouldn't give you a damn thing either.

[Caller Mark]

I would think that if other listeners listen to my side, you know, or other women hear my side, that they'll reason with her or that she'll understand that she's just being a bitter idiot. And you don't have a side, though. That's the whole thing. You don't have a side because you're trying to make it sound like, like you had nothing to do with it. Like it's everybody else's fault. I mean, if you're gonna cheat, that's one thing. I mean, that's wrong to cheat, but I mean, you're cheating one of her family members. I mean, you might as well just gone and did it with her mother. I mean, you just don't do that. You, first of all, you don't cheat on somebody that you've been in a relationship with, regardless of whether it's been for a week or a month, a year, 10 years. You don't do that. You know, that's not being a man because you're, you're poking everything that comes your way. You don't do that. You're. And you've been in a long term relationship. You just, you just don't cheat on somebody. You don't do that. That's not being a man.

[Mark]

Thanks.

[Jay]

So, Mark, you just pretty much called us to Use us to get in touch with her to get your car back. Like you don't like it. Sounds to me like you don't even really want any advice from anybody.

[Caller Mark]

I'll take that thousand dollars you guys are giving away, okay?

[Jay]

You know what that means? I think that everybody else listening needs to call up and give you some advice.

[Melissa]

You know, my thing is, we've talked for the past few days about legal matters and legal when you're not married, you know, and that kind of thing.

Loser. Shut up. See, the thing is, and under legal terms, the fact of the matter, you're not married to her. You cheated. The car's in her name. You know what she's in the right for. It's her car.

[Mark]

You got nothing here.

[Melissa]

You got nothing, Mark. You've got no legal ground to stand on. It's her car.

[Jay]

It's called Take Mata. It's smarter.

[Caller Mark]

You're a tool.

[Mark]

Dork. Yeah, dude. I mean, like, here's what you're saying. Here's what I hear. You're saying, look, I did something that I did something that has absolutely no integrity attached to it at all. However, my girlfriend should do the right thing in this situation, even though I didn't. I'm asking my girlfriend to do what's right here and give me back my car.

[Caller Mark]

How many times does one person apologize?

[Melissa]

You're not apologizing. You're not apologizing. I haven't heard you apologize once in this conversation.

[Mark]

Yeah, let me take calls because you're not listening to us.

[Caller Mark]

I'm sorry. How's that? Now give me my car.

[Mark]

Cindy, you're on all the HQ100.

[Caller Mark]

Hey, good morning, Mark. I got Ted, Mary, and you're an idiot. First off, you don't screw around on your woman. Second, I agree with Melissa. If it's in her name, you add a lot better. Do you have a boyfriend? Do you have a boyfriend? I have a husband. Oh, you got an extra car I can use? No, I don't. And if I didn't, honey, I wouldn't even give it to you.

[Jay]

You've got some.

[Mark]

Yeah. Seriously.

[Melissa]

You're the one with bitter issues, dude.

[Mark]

Hey, Steven, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller Mark]

Hey, I just want to say there as a code for cheating. You don't cheat with a relative, and you don't get caught. You get caught. Hey, man, you lose.

[Mark]

You lost everything here, man. I don't understand why the rules are different for her than for you. You did something wrong. You didn't act appropriately and now she's not acting appropriately, and you're like, what's the matter?

[Caller Mark]

I didn't lose everything. I lost the car. But it's important to me, so I'm calling because she listens to your show.

[Melissa]

She's the reason that you got the car in the first place.

[Caller Mark]

Like, nobody's ever cheated. I think everyone's, like, you know, rushing up the moral high ground.

[Melissa]

It's not right. And it's her car.

[Mark]

Have you shown just a little bit of remorse? Maybe you'd get one person on the phone going, you know what? You're right here. But everybody's calling up to call you. Tool.

[Caller Mark]

Are there any cute girls with a car out there?

[Mark]

Hey, Kim, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller Mark]

Hey, guys. How's it going?

[Mark]

All right.

[Caller Mark]

She sounds cute.

[Mark]

You're a tool. You are, man.

[Caller Mark]

He is a complete tool. All I want to say to him, he's sitting there acting as though the only thing that's the problem here is that he lost his car. What about the life that he was wanting to start with somebody? Wait a minute. I haven't let everyone hear this. I made a mistake. It's not okay to screw around. It's not cool. Who I screwed around with. That is over. I can't take that back. I made a bad mistake. I understand that, but now she's messing with someone's livelihood. I mean, someone I've paid bills for over two years with with this girl.

[Melissa]

Well, she saved your ass by getting the car in the first place.

[Jay]

And you didn't screw with her livelihood. Like, she had all these plans and.

[Caller Mark]

I didn't screw their livelihood.

[Jay]

You did. You absolutely did. She had it, like, in her mind that she was gonna marry you and this was her life, and she had invested all of this time and energy and effort into your relationship.

[Melissa]

Good for her for keeping the car.

[Caller Mark]

Totally overreact about everything.

[Melissa]

Good for her for keeping the car. You're the one who has to walk, buddy.

[Mark]

Tino here. What's going on?

[Caller Mark]

Hey there, bro.

[Mark]

Hey, man.

[Caller Mark]

Hey, this guy doesn't want your help. He's wasting your time as a listener. I don't want to listen to him anymore. And for the record, yes, I'm gay.

Sure as hell sound it.

[Jay]

Oh, no, you're just a loser. Let's. Let's.

[Mark]

You're pushing buttons on purpose now. Hey, Ryan, I found one guy that's got your back. Go, Ryan.

[Caller Mark]

Yeah, dude, it's Ron. I think everyone has called in this far, and you guys are Being a judge and jury. And incorrect because you don't know what's going on in this guy's relationship. Thank you. Two wrongs do not make a right. Just because he screwed up and did a wrong thing does not make it correct For a woman to take some guy's car or job materials away from him and keep him from making his break.

[Melissa]

He has shoddy credit. She gave him, got him the car. I don't care if he made the payments or not. If you go to a judge, Mark, if you go to a court, if you go to a lawyer, it's in her name. It's her car.

[Caller Mark]

Melissa, you're not an attorney. You're getting legal advice over the.

[Mark]

Before we get more judgmental people on the phone with you. And Lord knows we got plenty of them.

[Caller Mark]

No kidding. Give me a break.

[Mark]

Let me get you on with Jay here, who is an attorney because he's such a good guy victim. Yeah. Hey, Jay.

[Caller Mark]

Hey, guys. What's going on?

[Mark]

You're an attorney here in Atlanta?

[Caller Mark]

That's correct. Actually, I do real estate, but I just want to make sure I have the facts straight here before I say anything. Basically, this guy has. He's not married to her, legally wed to her in any way whatsoever, and the car is completely. Her name is from what I understand. Is that correct? Yeah. Yeah. No leg to stand on, buddy.

[Mark]

Nothing.

[Caller Mark]

Nothing at all. What about. Hey, Mark, I don't know about here, but in other states they have like common. Nothing.

[Jay]

Hey, Mark.

[Melissa]

Hey, Mark, I got three special words for you, baby. Melissa was right.

[Caller Mark]

Hey. God, you are a snotty bitch today.

[Mark]

Oh, my God. Take that back, Mark. It's not just today.

[Caller Mark]

Melissa. Yeah, we need a good breeder bashing on here this morning.

[Mark]

So, Mark, what Jay here is saying, man, is you got no legs to stand on whatsoever.

[Caller Mark]

Great.

[Mark]

Not legally, probably not.

[Caller Mark]

But what about getting my stuff? She has possession of my personal items, my property.

[Mark]

Dude, you screwed around. You screwed it up.

[Caller Mark]

Hey, Ron, that's fine. You know what? She can take the car from me. I understand it's in her name, but she's being a bitch first of all. And why can't I at least get my stuff? I have a briefcase and some sports gear in the car.

[Mark]

Hey, Ron, you're on all the hits Q100.

[Caller Mark]

Yeah, the advice I was going to give to him is I just went through divorce a little less than a year ago. I had a car that I paid for that was in my name and she still got it along with other things. So it's a good thing that you're not married because you would probably be paying a lot more.

[Mark]

Yeah, I can't find a lot of people here to sympathize with you, Mark, I gotta be honest with you.

[Caller Mark]

That guy sympathizes with me. He knows I'm smart enough not to get married.

[Mark]

Hey, Mike, you're on all the hits Q100. And you'll never will be. Hey, Mike, you're on all the hits Q100.

[Caller Mark]

Hey, Mark, you screwed up, man. I know that he's calling you a tool and there's a reason. You're not really a tool. You're just acting like a tool. You screwed up on your girl, but you're not really thinking about the big issue. And the big issue is trust. You lost that trusting man. And she's gonna be hurt for a long time. I did the same thing you did over a year ago. And I lost.

The most important things in my life to me, man. I really, really regret it. It's that one time thing. You go, well, you know, I might be able to do this. And then you kind of lose track of reality and the reality hits you back in the face. You got a woman that loved you and you screwed up on her. Well, I would have done it if I thought this would have screwed up my ride.

[Mark]

You know, this is like typical right here. You sound like you got no remorse at all.

[Caller Mark]

I made the mistake already. Why do I have to keep paying for it? I'm trying. I'm just a gamma, you know? You guys are ragging on me and I'm a nice guy trying to get to work.

[Melissa]

You can tell.

[Mark]

You sound like a great guy.

[Jay]

You know what? Nobody's going to work today. The roads are bad anyway. You've at least bought one day with the snow. Tell me. Tell him you're gonna telecommuting.

[Caller Mark]

Well, I need that. Why don't you guys give me that $1,000?

[Melissa]

Yeah, you know what? Yeah. This naughty bitch is not gonna give you a thousand dollars.

[Mark]

Mark, we're done, man. You know what? You got your word out. If you said if she listens every day, then she's probably listening. She heard you, realizes why she left you, and you're probably never gonna hear from her again, but maybe she'll call you now.

[Caller Mark]

Well, thanks for taking my call. And you know, to all the men out there, be careful because women just want your money.

[Mark]

Get out of here.

[Melissa]

Oh, yeah, yeah. He had a lot, a lot to offer.

[Mark]

Thanks for the advice.

[Melissa]

Yeah, with everything in her name.

[Jay]

He was unbelievable.

[Mark]

Just the room just showing out the bird show.

[Caller Mark]

Mic check 1 2. Are we recording?

[Mark]

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[Caller Mark]

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[Mark]

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[Mark]

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[Caller Mark]

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[Melissa]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Caller Mark]

He's talking to you, Bridges. I'm not.

[Hers Advertiser]

Of course he did. Right Santa?

[Caller Mark]

You know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles a nice list and elf. I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus?

[Hers Advertiser]

I'm Mrs. Claus's much younger sister and AT T Mobile there's no trade in needed when you switch. So you can keep your old phone.

[Caller Mark]

Or give it as a gift.

[Hers Advertiser]

And the best part, you can make the switch to T Mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[Caller Mark]

Nice. My side of the tree is slipping. Kimber the holidays are better. AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 month legal credits for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 device connection charge credits and imbalance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel financing agreement. 256 gates $830 eligible for it in a new line.

[Mark]

$100 plus a month plan with auto.

[Caller Mark]

Payments, taxes and fees required. Check out in 15 minutes or less per line.

[Prolon Advertiser]

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