The Bert Show – Vault: "His Ex Is Holding His Car Hostage!"

Date: December 11, 2025
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)
Hosts & Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa, Mark, Jay

Episode Overview

In this lively and drama-filled episode, the Bert Show crew fields a call from "Mark," a listener whose ex-girlfriend is holding his car "hostage" following their messy breakup. The episode pokes fun, gets real, and goes deep into relationship dynamics, legal implications, trust, and personal responsibility—with plenty of classic Bert Show banter, candid listener call-ins, and memorable moments along the way.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Mark's Dilemma: The Car Hostage (01:47 – 06:53)

• Background: Mark had a 2.5-year relationship, during which he and his partner got a condo and a car (in her name due to his poor credit). After their breakup—prompted by Mark’s infidelity—she refuses to give him access to the car.
• Main Issue: Mark needs the car for work (it contains his work items), has paid $11,000 so far on it, but legally it’s in her name.

Notable Quote:

"We got a condo and we got a car which is in her name because I have, you know, student loans, a little screwy credit... She's got my car hostage."
— Mark, 02:07

2. The Infidelity Revealed: "Who’d you cheat with?" (02:53 – 04:10)

• After prompting by the hosts, Mark reluctantly confesses his affair was with his ex’s "cousin," clarifying it's more of a close family friend.
• The affair continued for a few months; his ex found out because the cousin told her.

Memorable Moment:

"Who’d you screw around with?"
"Her cousin."
— Jay & Mark, 03:54

3. Listeners React: No Sympathy for Mark (07:07 – 12:43)

• Callers Weigh In: Overwhelmingly, callers side with Mark's ex, not Mark.
• Hosts’ Consensus: The cast points out repeatedly that Mark has "no leg to stand on" both legally and morally.
• Legal Angle: Melissa and Jay (who is a real estate attorney) reinforce that if a car is in someone else's name, the other person has no legal claim, regardless of payment history.

Notable Quotes:

"If you go to a judge... it's in her name. It's her car."
— Melissa, 13:32

"You got nothing here."
— Mark, 09:39

"You, first of all, you don’t cheat on somebody that you’ve been in a relationship with, regardless of whether it’s been for a week or a month, a year, 10 years. You don’t do that. That’s not being a man."
— Mark, 08:07

4. Mark’s Attitude and Attempts at Redemption (12:43 – 15:00)

• Defensiveness: Mark shows little real remorse, seems to expect sympathy, and even asks for the show's cash giveaway.
• He tries to argue the moral high ground, suggesting everyone makes mistakes, and that his ex is being unreasonable.
• Comic Relief: Hosts and callers mock his attitude and point out his lack of real apology.

Memorable Exchange:

Mark: "How many times does one person apologize?"
Melissa: "You’re not apologizing. I haven’t heard you apologize once in this conversation."
— 10:09

5. Legal Reality Confirmed (14:03 – 14:54)

• Attorney Call-in: Jay, an attorney, confirms Mark's legal position:
  • Not married, no legal entitlement to the car.
  • Even with “common law” in some states, Mark admits he has “nothing.”

Notable Quote:

"No leg to stand on, buddy."
— Jay (Attorney), 14:29

6. More Listeners Chime In: Trust, Regret, and Consequences (15:26 – 16:44)

• Some callers offer advice or share similar stories, reiterating it's a trust issue and Mark is "paying the price" for his choices.

Memorable Moment:

"You lost that trust, man. I did the same thing you did over a year ago. And I lost the most important things in my life. I really, really regret it."
— Mike, 15:59

7. Closing & Final Thoughts (17:09 – 17:29)

• Mark departs still indignant, throwing one last jab at women (“be careful because women just want your money”)—eliciting eye rolls from the cast.
• The Bert Show crew closes with their trademark wit, recapping how little Mark understood why everyone was against him.

Memorable Farewell:

"She heard you, realizes why she left you, and you’re probably never gonna hear from her again, but maybe she’ll call you now."
— Mark, 17:13

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:47 – 03:39: Mark explains the car situation and his breakup.
• 03:39 – 04:56: The affair is revealed; Mark confesses the other woman is a cousin/friend.
• 06:53 – 09:40: Hosts break down legal/ethical angles, Mark’s investments, and the "car code."
• 10:09 – 12:43: Listeners and hosts challenge Mark’s lack of remorse and entitlement.
• 14:03 – 14:54: Legal expert clarifies Mark’s position (or lack thereof).
• 15:59 – 16:20: Real-life cautionary tale from a regretful caller.
• 17:09 – 17:29: Closing jabs and wrap-up.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Hosts spot Mark’s "guilty guy storytelling":

  "You are telling a story like a guilty guy. Yada, yada, yada, we broke up. Yada, yada, yada. You screwed around on her." — Mark, 02:40

• Highlight of host honesty:

  "You called us to use us to get in touch with her to get your car back. It sounds to me like you don’t even want any advice." — Jay, 09:04

• Callers’ blunt advice:

  "Take what's left of your credit, buy some shoes and get to walking to work. You don’t cheat on your girl." — Steve, 07:07

• Full circle on remorse:

  "I made the mistake already. Why do I have to keep paying for it?...You guys are ragging on me and I'm a nice guy trying to get to work." — Mark, 16:44

Overall Tone & Takeaways

• Candid, irreverent, and a touch ruthless: The hosts do not let Mark off easy, calling him out on his dodgy storytelling and lack of contrition.
• Lessons Recapped:
  • Legally, possession (and ownership) matter—especially if you’re not married.
  • In relationships, actions have consequences: betrayal can cost much more than your ride.
  • No one, hosts or listeners, had much sympathy for Mark given the circumstances.
• Signature Bert Show Blend: Real talk, smart banter, and humor carry the conversation, making for an engaging, advice-filled (and cautionary) episode.

For those who missed the episode:
You get all the juicy drama and life lessons here—plus a reminder to always know whose name is on the title... and to keep it clean with your partner’s extended family.