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Mark
The Bird Show Gotta get Burt show listener Mark on the phone. Hey Mark.
Caller Mark
Hey guys.
Melissa
Good morning.
Mark
How you doing, man?
Caller Mark
Well, I'm. I'm in a bit of a pickle you might say.
Mark
Mark's been a bad, bad, bad boy.
Melissa
All right.
Caller Mark
Yeah.
Melissa
What happened?
Mark
Bring it.
Caller Mark
Well, basically.
I have a long term. Well basically ex girlfriend at this point. We dated for two and a half years or so and head down the old marriage path and we got a condo and we got a car which is in her name because I have, you know, student loans, a little screwy credit that I used to go to work with every single day. And we're not together now, and she's got my car hostage.
Mark
Hold on a second. You're missing a couple of things here, all right? I read the email, my friend. You are telling a story like a guilty guy. Yada, yada, yada, we broke up. Yada, yada, yada. You screwed around on her.
Caller Mark
Yeah, yeah.
Jay
He's like, yeah, an important piece of.
Melissa
The puzzle, but she's holding my car hostage.
Caller Mark
Yeah. I gotta go to work, and I have. I have stuff I need for work in the car. She will not let me use the car. She won't let me talk to her to get the car.
Melissa
Another thing that I do have to point out is the fact that since you had shoddy credit, that she helped you out by getting the car, using her name and her credit to get it.
Caller Mark
But I didn't screw up her credit. I paid. I have paid every single month for 18 months already and haven't missed a payment.
Mark
How much money have you in this invested in this car already?
Caller Mark
$11,000.
Mark
$11,000?
Caller Mark
Yeah.
Jay
Okay, bigger, better question for you. Who'd you screw around with and where'd you do it, and how'd she find out?
Mark
Yeah. The details of this are going to be important because, I mean, if you did something really, really dumb. Because if you were like. I mean, if you went over the top and you did something really stupid, like you screwed around with her sister, of course she's not going to help you out.
Caller Mark
Well, I didn't, so what's the big deal?
Jay
Who'd you screw around with?
Caller Mark
Her cousin.
Jay
Her cousin?
Caller Mark
Yes. I guess I can. Cousin? More like a family friend.
Mark
Seriously.
Caller Mark
She'S like one of our friends.
Melissa
Come on, Mark, be a man. Stand up. You did it. Tell it.
Mark
You're the one that called us, man, so come clean.
Caller Mark
The reason I called, you know, I mean, I listen to you guys, but I'm not a guy who calls radio. You know, radio shows.
She listens to you all the time. She will not take my phone call. She will, you know, I send her an email and nothing.
Mark
All right, let's talk to you.
Caller Mark
She has shut the door everywhere, including the garage door, and I can't get in.
Jay
How did she find out? How did she find out that you cheated on her?
Caller Mark
Her cousin told her.
Mark
Now, this is a real cousin, or is this a close friend? I'm getting two different stories here.
Caller Mark
Well, it's her cousin. See, they call her cousin, but it's really like a second cousin, best friend removed kind of thing. It's kind of Weird. They're.
Mark
They're really tight.
Caller Mark
They're really. They're really tight. And basically we. We fooled around for a couple of months and it was all innocent and just whatever.
Melissa
Innocent? Mark, give me a break.
Caller Mark
Well, not exactly, but, you know, it's just an affair. And I said, listen, you know, I'm going out with Kathy. I. I'm not. Just forget it. And when I wouldn't, like, go out with her, she took my girlfriend out to dinner and just ratted on me.
Mark
All right, so let me get this straight. I'm trying to break this down here because you're being so elusive here. Okay, so you're in a relationship.
Caller Mark
I'm being elusive. I need. I need my car.
Mark
Well, hold on. You've been in this relationship for two and a half years. You start screwing around with her best friend. After a couple of months, you tell the girl that you're screwing around with.
Caller Mark
Look, I'm not feeling bad about it.
Mark
You're like, I don't want to do this anymore. And she goes to your girlfriend and tells her everything. You guys have already bought a condo together, you bought a car together, but your credit is so bad that she co. Signed for you, or she assumed the car, I guess it's in her name.
Melissa
Are the condo and the car both in her name?
Caller Mark
Well, the condo is sort of.
Extended family gift from my family and her family, because there's a long history that takes forever to say, but basically we kind of grew up together. And our families are friends as well. They used to. Our parents used to share this place.
Melissa
But who's that? And I appreciate all that, but the thing is, when it comes down to it. Whose name is on the mortgage or whose name is on the condo?
Caller Mark
Her family. Her family. They're a bunch of controlling bastards.
Jay
Are you still living in it? Is that where you're calling us from?
Caller Mark
No.
Mark
And she bought the car base. She bought the car, basically. And you're making payments to her, and you've already spent about 11 grand on it.
Caller Mark
Yeah, but I don't care about the. About the condo. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm a guy. I can live anywhere. You don't mess with a man's car. I mean, I gotta get to work.
Mark
You don't. You don't mess with a girl's best friend either.
Caller Mark
Hey, man, people make mistakes.
Mark
Now hold on here. Hey, Steve, you're on all the hits Q100. Let me give the phone number here out real quick. Steve. 404-74110. 05. Go ahead, Steve.
Caller Mark
Tell that loser he needs to take what's left of his credit, buy some shoes and get to walking to work. You don't cheat on your girl.
Like it is brother.
Mark
But I mean, he's already invested. He's invested $11,000 in his car.
Melissa
Steve, just shut up. That's stupid.
Caller Mark
What do you mean that's stupid?
Melissa
He's probably gay because he's not on my side. Because guys, you know, it's a guy code and everything. Just.
Mark
All right, let's see if Jose's gay also. Hey, Joseph. Yeah, hey, what's up, man?
Caller Mark
You know, like I was saying, Mark, you know, fine, you're right. You don't, you don't screw around your girlfriend. You don't do anything like that. Especially after long term relationships made a mistake. What's that? Never made a mistake. You, Mr. Perfect, Mr. Never cheated, Mr. Everything is happy and nice over there.
Mark
Here's what I don't get. Like, why did you call us up with this attitude? If you have this kind of attitude. You called us.
Melissa
You think, Mark, you actually think your ex girlfriend's gonna give you the after? You're being such a jerk.
Mark
I wouldn't give you a damn thing either.
Caller Mark
I would think that if other listeners listen to my side, you know, or other women hear my side, that they'll reason with her or that she'll understand that she's just being a bitter idiot. And you don't have a side, though. That's the whole thing. You don't have a side because you're trying to make it sound like, like you had nothing to do with it. Like it's everybody else's fault. I mean, if you're gonna cheat, that's one thing. I mean, that's wrong to cheat, but I mean, you're cheating one of her family members. I mean, you might as well just gone and did it with her mother. I mean, you just don't do that. You, first of all, you don't cheat on somebody that you've been in a relationship with, regardless of whether it's been for a week or a month, a year, 10 years. You don't do that. You know, that's not being a man because you're, you're poking everything that comes your way. You don't do that. You're. And you've been in a long term relationship. You just, you just don't cheat on somebody. You don't do that. That's not being a man.
Mark
Thanks.
Jay
So, Mark, you just pretty much called us to Use us to get in touch with her to get your car back. Like you don't like it. Sounds to me like you don't even really want any advice from anybody.
Caller Mark
I'll take that thousand dollars you guys are giving away, okay?
Jay
You know what that means? I think that everybody else listening needs to call up and give you some advice.
Melissa
You know, my thing is, we've talked for the past few days about legal matters and legal when you're not married, you know, and that kind of thing.
Loser. Shut up. See, the thing is, and under legal terms, the fact of the matter, you're not married to her. You cheated. The car's in her name. You know what she's in the right for. It's her car.
Mark
You got nothing here.
Melissa
You got nothing, Mark. You've got no legal ground to stand on. It's her car.
Jay
It's called Take Mata. It's smarter.
Caller Mark
You're a tool.
Mark
Dork. Yeah, dude. I mean, like, here's what you're saying. Here's what I hear. You're saying, look, I did something that I did something that has absolutely no integrity attached to it at all. However, my girlfriend should do the right thing in this situation, even though I didn't. I'm asking my girlfriend to do what's right here and give me back my car.
Caller Mark
How many times does one person apologize?
Melissa
You're not apologizing. You're not apologizing. I haven't heard you apologize once in this conversation.
Mark
Yeah, let me take calls because you're not listening to us.
Caller Mark
I'm sorry. How's that? Now give me my car.
Mark
Cindy, you're on all the HQ100.
Caller Mark
Hey, good morning, Mark. I got Ted, Mary, and you're an idiot. First off, you don't screw around on your woman. Second, I agree with Melissa. If it's in her name, you add a lot better. Do you have a boyfriend? Do you have a boyfriend? I have a husband. Oh, you got an extra car I can use? No, I don't. And if I didn't, honey, I wouldn't even give it to you.
Jay
You've got some.
Mark
Yeah. Seriously.
Melissa
You're the one with bitter issues, dude.
Mark
Hey, Steven, you're on all the hits. Q100.
Caller Mark
Hey, I just want to say there as a code for cheating. You don't cheat with a relative, and you don't get caught. You get caught. Hey, man, you lose.
Mark
You lost everything here, man. I don't understand why the rules are different for her than for you. You did something wrong. You didn't act appropriately and now she's not acting appropriately, and you're like, what's the matter?
Caller Mark
I didn't lose everything. I lost the car. But it's important to me, so I'm calling because she listens to your show.
Melissa
She's the reason that you got the car in the first place.
Caller Mark
Like, nobody's ever cheated. I think everyone's, like, you know, rushing up the moral high ground.
Melissa
It's not right. And it's her car.
Mark
Have you shown just a little bit of remorse? Maybe you'd get one person on the phone going, you know what? You're right here. But everybody's calling up to call you. Tool.
Caller Mark
Are there any cute girls with a car out there?
Mark
Hey, Kim, you're on all the hits. Q100.
Caller Mark
Hey, guys. How's it going?
Mark
All right.
Caller Mark
She sounds cute.
Mark
You're a tool. You are, man.
Caller Mark
He is a complete tool. All I want to say to him, he's sitting there acting as though the only thing that's the problem here is that he lost his car. What about the life that he was wanting to start with somebody? Wait a minute. I haven't let everyone hear this. I made a mistake. It's not okay to screw around. It's not cool. Who I screwed around with. That is over. I can't take that back. I made a bad mistake. I understand that, but now she's messing with someone's livelihood. I mean, someone I've paid bills for over two years with with this girl.
Melissa
Well, she saved your ass by getting the car in the first place.
Jay
And you didn't screw with her livelihood. Like, she had all these plans and.
Caller Mark
I didn't screw their livelihood.
Jay
You did. You absolutely did. She had it, like, in her mind that she was gonna marry you and this was her life, and she had invested all of this time and energy and effort into your relationship.
Melissa
Good for her for keeping the car.
Caller Mark
Totally overreact about everything.
Melissa
Good for her for keeping the car. You're the one who has to walk, buddy.
Mark
Tino here. What's going on?
Caller Mark
Hey there, bro.
Mark
Hey, man.
Caller Mark
Hey, this guy doesn't want your help. He's wasting your time as a listener. I don't want to listen to him anymore. And for the record, yes, I'm gay.
Sure as hell sound it.
Jay
Oh, no, you're just a loser. Let's. Let's.
Mark
You're pushing buttons on purpose now. Hey, Ryan, I found one guy that's got your back. Go, Ryan.
Caller Mark
Yeah, dude, it's Ron. I think everyone has called in this far, and you guys are Being a judge and jury. And incorrect because you don't know what's going on in this guy's relationship. Thank you. Two wrongs do not make a right. Just because he screwed up and did a wrong thing does not make it correct For a woman to take some guy's car or job materials away from him and keep him from making his break.
Melissa
He has shoddy credit. She gave him, got him the car. I don't care if he made the payments or not. If you go to a judge, Mark, if you go to a court, if you go to a lawyer, it's in her name. It's her car.
Caller Mark
Melissa, you're not an attorney. You're getting legal advice over the.
Mark
Before we get more judgmental people on the phone with you. And Lord knows we got plenty of them.
Caller Mark
No kidding. Give me a break.
Mark
Let me get you on with Jay here, who is an attorney because he's such a good guy victim. Yeah. Hey, Jay.
Caller Mark
Hey, guys. What's going on?
Mark
You're an attorney here in Atlanta?
Caller Mark
That's correct. Actually, I do real estate, but I just want to make sure I have the facts straight here before I say anything. Basically, this guy has. He's not married to her, legally wed to her in any way whatsoever, and the car is completely. Her name is from what I understand. Is that correct? Yeah. Yeah. No leg to stand on, buddy.
Mark
Nothing.
Caller Mark
Nothing at all. What about. Hey, Mark, I don't know about here, but in other states they have like common. Nothing.
Jay
Hey, Mark.
Melissa
Hey, Mark, I got three special words for you, baby. Melissa was right.
Caller Mark
Hey. God, you are a snotty bitch today.
Mark
Oh, my God. Take that back, Mark. It's not just today.
Caller Mark
Melissa. Yeah, we need a good breeder bashing on here this morning.
Mark
So, Mark, what Jay here is saying, man, is you got no legs to stand on whatsoever.
Caller Mark
Great.
Mark
Not legally, probably not.
Caller Mark
But what about getting my stuff? She has possession of my personal items, my property.
Mark
Dude, you screwed around. You screwed it up.
Caller Mark
Hey, Ron, that's fine. You know what? She can take the car from me. I understand it's in her name, but she's being a bitch first of all. And why can't I at least get my stuff? I have a briefcase and some sports gear in the car.
Mark
Hey, Ron, you're on all the hits Q100.
Caller Mark
Yeah, the advice I was going to give to him is I just went through divorce a little less than a year ago. I had a car that I paid for that was in my name and she still got it along with other things. So it's a good thing that you're not married because you would probably be paying a lot more.
Mark
Yeah, I can't find a lot of people here to sympathize with you, Mark, I gotta be honest with you.
Caller Mark
That guy sympathizes with me. He knows I'm smart enough not to get married.
Mark
Hey, Mike, you're on all the hits Q100. And you'll never will be. Hey, Mike, you're on all the hits Q100.
Caller Mark
Hey, Mark, you screwed up, man. I know that he's calling you a tool and there's a reason. You're not really a tool. You're just acting like a tool. You screwed up on your girl, but you're not really thinking about the big issue. And the big issue is trust. You lost that trusting man. And she's gonna be hurt for a long time. I did the same thing you did over a year ago. And I lost.
The most important things in my life to me, man. I really, really regret it. It's that one time thing. You go, well, you know, I might be able to do this. And then you kind of lose track of reality and the reality hits you back in the face. You got a woman that loved you and you screwed up on her. Well, I would have done it if I thought this would have screwed up my ride.
Mark
You know, this is like typical right here. You sound like you got no remorse at all.
Caller Mark
I made the mistake already. Why do I have to keep paying for it? I'm trying. I'm just a gamma, you know? You guys are ragging on me and I'm a nice guy trying to get to work.
Melissa
You can tell.
Mark
You sound like a great guy.
Jay
You know what? Nobody's going to work today. The roads are bad anyway. You've at least bought one day with the snow. Tell me. Tell him you're gonna telecommuting.
Caller Mark
Well, I need that. Why don't you guys give me that $1,000?
Melissa
Yeah, you know what? Yeah. This naughty bitch is not gonna give you a thousand dollars.
Mark
Mark, we're done, man. You know what? You got your word out. If you said if she listens every day, then she's probably listening. She heard you, realizes why she left you, and you're probably never gonna hear from her again, but maybe she'll call you now.
Caller Mark
Well, thanks for taking my call. And you know, to all the men out there, be careful because women just want your money.
Mark
Get out of here.
Melissa
Oh, yeah, yeah. He had a lot, a lot to offer.
Mark
Thanks for the advice.
Melissa
Yeah, with everything in her name.
Jay
He was unbelievable.
Mark
Just the room just showing out the bird show.
Caller Mark
Mic check 1 2. Are we recording?
Mark
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Mark
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Caller Mark
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Melissa
Santa, did you get my letter?
Caller Mark
He's talking to you, Bridges. I'm not.
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Date: December 11, 2025
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)
Hosts & Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa, Mark, Jay
In this lively and drama-filled episode, the Bert Show crew fields a call from "Mark," a listener whose ex-girlfriend is holding his car "hostage" following their messy breakup. The episode pokes fun, gets real, and goes deep into relationship dynamics, legal implications, trust, and personal responsibility—with plenty of classic Bert Show banter, candid listener call-ins, and memorable moments along the way.
Notable Quote:
"We got a condo and we got a car which is in her name because I have, you know, student loans, a little screwy credit... She's got my car hostage."
— Mark, 02:07
Memorable Moment:
"Who’d you screw around with?"
"Her cousin."
— Jay & Mark, 03:54
Notable Quotes:
"If you go to a judge... it's in her name. It's her car."
— Melissa, 13:32
"You got nothing here."
— Mark, 09:39
"You, first of all, you don’t cheat on somebody that you’ve been in a relationship with, regardless of whether it’s been for a week or a month, a year, 10 years. You don’t do that. That’s not being a man."
— Mark, 08:07
Memorable Exchange:
Mark: "How many times does one person apologize?"
Melissa: "You’re not apologizing. I haven’t heard you apologize once in this conversation."
— 10:09
Notable Quote:
"No leg to stand on, buddy."
— Jay (Attorney), 14:29
Memorable Moment:
"You lost that trust, man. I did the same thing you did over a year ago. And I lost the most important things in my life. I really, really regret it."
— Mike, 15:59
Memorable Farewell:
"She heard you, realizes why she left you, and you’re probably never gonna hear from her again, but maybe she’ll call you now."
— Mark, 17:13
Hosts spot Mark’s "guilty guy storytelling":
"You are telling a story like a guilty guy. Yada, yada, yada, we broke up. Yada, yada, yada. You screwed around on her." — Mark, 02:40
Highlight of host honesty:
"You called us to use us to get in touch with her to get your car back. It sounds to me like you don’t even want any advice." — Jay, 09:04
Callers’ blunt advice:
"Take what's left of your credit, buy some shoes and get to walking to work. You don’t cheat on your girl." — Steve, 07:07
Full circle on remorse:
"I made the mistake already. Why do I have to keep paying for it?...You guys are ragging on me and I'm a nice guy trying to get to work." — Mark, 16:44
For those who missed the episode:
You get all the juicy drama and life lessons here—plus a reminder to always know whose name is on the title... and to keep it clean with your partner’s extended family.