Vault: His Preteen Still Sleeps In The Bed With Them

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: His Preteen Still Sleeps In The Bed With Them
Date: December 19, 2025
Host(s): Bert Show Cast (Chris, Jennifer, other unnamed co-hosts)
Main Guest: Chris (Caller)

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a listener's dilemma: Chris, a father, calls in to discuss the challenges he’s facing because his 12-year-old daughter still sleeps in his and his wife's bed every night—a routine that’s persisted for 10 years. The hosts, along with several callers, weigh in with advice, personal stories, and concerns about boundaries, independence, and the impact on marital relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Presenting the Situation (00:49–02:09)

• Chris (host) introduces Chris (caller): Chris’s 12-year-old daughter has slept in bed with her parents for a decade.
  • “How old is your daughter and how long has she been sleeping in the bed with you guys?” (00:53)
  • Chris (caller): “Oh, my daughter just turned 12…This has been going on for, we’re going on 10 years.” (00:58)
• Shocked reactions from all hosts and co-hosts, emphasizing how unusual the situation is.
• Chris (caller) shares that his wife is more comfortable with the arrangement, whereas he feels it's no longer appropriate and is affecting their intimate life.
  • “Our intimate life is really, really suffering.” (01:45)

2. Parental Boundaries and Gender Differences (02:10–02:21)

• Discussion on whether Chris would react differently if the child were a son.
  • Chris (caller) and hosts agree: it would be concerning regardless of the child's gender.

3. How Did It Start? (02:47–03:16)

• The behavior reportedly began as a comfort for the daughter during early childhood fears (e.g., fear of the “boogeyman”). Chris believes that his wife may have enabled the habit by being overly protective.

4. Why Does the Pattern Continue? (03:16–04:42)

• Host Chris empathizes with parental fatigue and the challenge of breaking such patterns: bringing the child into bed for a “good night's sleep” can quickly become habitual.
  • “One night turns into two nights. And in a case like this, we're talking about ten years now.” (03:29)
• Chris (caller) admits he can’t remember the last time his daughter slept alone and that he’s stopped trying to change it due to nightly tantrums.
  • “I can't even remember the last time she slept on her own.” (03:53)

5. Developmental Concerns & Routine (04:43–05:14)

• The ritual is now so ingrained that the daughter starts in her room but regularly moves to her parents’ bed after 30–45 min.
  • “At around midnight every night, I get that knock on the door and in she comes.” (04:25)

6. Parent & Listener Advice, Boundaries, and Independence (05:14–07:27)

• The hosts reflect on their own parenting choices, emphasizing early independence and the importance of maintaining marital intimacy.
  • Chris (host): “We just decided for ourselves that we weren’t going to have him sleep in our bed or even our room. That was our place, right?” (06:15)
• Multiple hosts note the lack of boundaries set for the daughter, warning that continued leniency may hinder her independence and social development.

7. Impact on Marital Relationship (06:50–07:22)

• Chris (host) asks about the frequency of intimacy; Chris (caller) responds:
  • “Once every five months.” (07:18)
• Hosts joke and express concern, reinforcing the need for the parents to reclaim their own space.

8. Callers Share Experiences and Advice (07:27–09:52)

• Callers discuss their own children’s sleep routines, emphasizing the importance of setting firm boundaries even when it’s emotionally difficult.
• Jennifer (caller):
  • “Mom needs to let the baby grow up…that’s an awkward age for kids—especially girls; they’re going through puberty.” (07:48)
  • Shares a humorous yet exasperated story about her daughter sneaking into her room:
    • "She would belly crawl into my room at night. So you guys really need to just let her grow up and just tell mom that she needs to get her out the room." (08:45)
• Hosts and callers agree: struggle through a few difficult nights now to prevent larger developmental and social problems later.

9. Intervention and Practical Tips (09:52–10:56)

• Hosts and Jennifer suggest consulting a specialist if the daughter is truly unable to sleep alone, as there could be underlying psychological issues.
• It’s acknowledged that breaking the pattern after 10 years will require more than just a few nights of firmness but is ultimately necessary.

10. Closure and Encouragement for Change (11:02–11:20)

• Chris (caller) resolves to try to “put his foot down.”
  • Chris (host): “You gotta fight this fight right now.” (11:07)
  • Hosts reiterate the urgency for both marital and developmental reasons.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Our intimate life is really, really suffering.” — Chris (caller) (01:45)
• “You think that's a bit much?” — Chris (caller) (01:22)
• “If it was a son, would you be okay with it?” — Chris (host); “No.” — Chris (caller) (02:17–02:19)
• “I can't even remember the last time she slept on her own.” — Chris (caller) (03:53)
• “She would belly crawl into my room at night... you guys really need to just let her grow up and tell mom she needs to get her out the room.” — Jennifer (caller) (08:45)
• “You need to get some action back in the bedroom.” — Male Host (11:11)
• “Once every five months. That’s a whole nother issue right there, bro.” — Chris (host) (11:13)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:49 — Caller Chris presents his issue
• 01:05–01:25 — Hosts and co-hosts react in disbelief
• 02:10–02:19 — Gender and boundary discussion
• 03:16–03:53 — Pattern of behavior origins
• 04:09–04:39 — Daughter’s nightly routine explained
• 05:42–06:15 — Host Chris and co-hosts share their own child sleep boundary policies
• 07:04–07:18 — Frequency of marital intimacy revealed
• 07:48–08:45 — Jennifer (caller) shares her “SWAT Team” story
• 09:44–10:18 — Discussion of consulting a specialist
• 11:02–11:13 — Closing encouragement for Chris to act

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Overall Tone

The conversation is candid, humorous, and direct, consistent with The Bert Show’s typical style. The hosts balance empathy for the parent’s struggle with firm advice, using real-life examples and a touch of irreverence to keep things engaging yet sincere.

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Summary by The Bert Show Summarizer Bot

Transcript

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[Chris]

The Burch Show Hey, Chris.

[Caller (Chris)]

Hey.

[Chris]

How are you, man?

[Caller (Chris)]

I'm okay. How are you?

[Chris]

Good. How old is your daughter and how. And how long has she been sleeping in the bed with you guys?

[Caller (Chris)]

Oh, my daughter just turned 12.

[Jennifer]

What?

[Caller (Chris)]

12 years old?

[Chris]

Yeah, man.

[Caller (Chris)]

And this has been going on for. We're going on 10 years.

[Female Host]

You are kidding.

[Chris]

Yeah, man. Every night we got this email. We all had the same exact reaction. 12 years old, every night for 10 years.

[Female Host]

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

[Caller (Chris)]

You think that's a bit much?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Female Host]

Oh, my God.

[Chris]

This is a fight that you're having with your wife? This is the fight that you're having with your wife?

[Caller (Chris)]

Yeah, well, it's not exactly gotten into the fight stage yet, but it's certainly approaching that.

[Male Host]

So what does your wife say about it? She thinks it's okay.

[Caller (Chris)]

Well, my wife thinks that, yeah, basically she thinks that I'm heartless and that I just don't. Well, you know, I feel like I'm a pretty good dad. I just feel like the line needs to be drawn at some point. I, you know, I. Our. Our intimate life is really, really suffering.

[Chris]

I think that's like the second thing you gotta worry about.

[Female Host]

I mean, I think as a good father, I mean, I think it's okay for a father not to want to sleep in a bed with a 12 year old daughter. I mean, you know, I mean.

[Chris]

Now let me ask you this. If it was a son, would you be okay with it?

[Male Host]

No.

[Chris]

No. Okay.

[Female Host]

Absolutely not.

[Chris]

I think. I think the Fact's just a 12 year old. Yeah. That's what I was thinking also, it seems pretty, pretty obvious.

[Female Host]

Is it a king sized bed? I mean, is there room for everybody? I mean, this is just weird.

[Chris]

It's like the bed, like the bed in Willy Wonka we. Unfortunately, it's like the bed in Neverland Ranch. Remember, they were all sleeping in the same bed, the grandparents.

[Caller (Chris)]

Head to feet.

[Chris]

Head to feet.

[Jennifer]

Head to feet.

[Female Host]

Sorry, Chris.

[Caller (Chris)]

That's okay.

[Chris]

Well, it's a funny situation you got.

[Female Host]

Well, what started it like 10 years ago? Like, it was just. She was crying through the night.

[Caller (Chris)]

Yeah. She just, for whatever reason, feels that. I don't know. You know what? I think the wife coddled her just a little bit too much. I really do. She was having trouble sleeping for whatever reason. There was the boogeyman in the closet at first and then, you know, the boogeyman just wouldn't leave.

[Chris]

Yeah, I know with Hayden, he's two now, that there are certainly times where he wakes up in the middle of the night and really bawls a lot. But we'll get out of our bed, go over there and just rock them for about five minutes and put him back to sleep. But in a lot of cases, once the kid is up and is bawling, it will not go back to sleep unless it's next to mom or dad. And I think that's where a lot of these parents get into the habit of bringing the kid in just to get one good night of sleep. And then one night turns into two nights. And in a case like this, we're talking about 10 years now. Right. When is the last time she actually slept on her own? Has there ever been a time?

[Caller (Chris)]

Jeez, I can't. I can't even remember. I can't even remember the last time she slept on her own.

[Male Host]

Now is it every night now? It's just a routine that when you go to bed, she's already in the bed sleeping. Does she even start in her room?

[Caller (Chris)]

No. This has become the routine. We put our daughter to sleep. Or she goes to sleep on her own now, or tries to anyway. She goes into her own bed and that'll work for say, about a half hour, 45 minutes. And inevitably at around midnight every night, I get that knock on the door and in she comes when you try.

[Chris]

To put her back to sleep in her own room and then she starts bawling, I'm guessing. And crying and.

[Caller (Chris)]

Yeah, crying and bawling. I don't even try anymore. I've given up. Basically.

[Chris]

She's crying and going through all this. You know, at 12 years old, I mean, that's, that's kind of like the reaction of a four or five year old.

[Male Host]

Yeah. By any chance, is she homeschooled? What?

[Caller (Chris)]

No, no, no. She goes to middle school.

[Male Host]

That's bizarre.

[Female Host]

And here she is, a little girl who, I mean, she's supposed to be at the age where she's all cool about her room and doing decorations and now she's in middle school and, you.

[Caller (Chris)]

Know, she's got a beautiful room.

[Chris]

Well, the reaction just doesn't fit the age.

[Female Host]

Oh, absolutely not.

[Chris]

Here's where I can understand it. Like, I just think that it's a fight that you don't want to fight. So as a parent, you're like, I mean, because kids are stubborn, man, they will cry for four hours. And for you to try to sleep through that is impossible. But I've seen a lot of parents, you know, say I've just gotta, it's gonna take two or three days or four days or five days to break my kid of this, but I gotta go through five sleepless nights and then it'll be over. And a lot of parents just won't do that.

[Female Host]

And because we've said, we've talked when we talked about other things, you know, kids will push their limits as far as they can go. And that child is, has never been given the boundary of the fact you cannot come in our room. And so the kid, of course, knows that those tantrums result in being able to sleep in the bed with mom and dad.

[Chris]

Jennifer, good morning. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Jennifer]

I have two children. One is almost six and one is two going to be two in January. My five year old has been sleeping in the bed since she was two in her own bed. And my one year old sleeps in his own bed now.

[Chris]

Yeah, we were so sensitive to this when Hayden was born that he didn't even sleep in one of those little bassinets in our room. We wanted him in his own room. And he was, obviously his room was close enough to ours to where he started crying. We would get up and we'd be right there for him. But we just decided for ourselves that we weren't going to be parents that were ever going to have him sleep in the bed or even in our room. That was our place, right?

[Male Host]

I think that's smart.

[Chris]

That was just right for us.

[Male Host]

Well, because you have to, you know, you have to maintain your marriage in order to have a, you know, great place for your son to grow up and maintain your Marriage, you gotta have some alone time in the bedroom.

[Chris]

Yeah. Chris, when, when are you getting that alone time? Does that. I mean, has it been 10 years?

[Caller (Chris)]

It's. No, it hasn't. Well, it hasn't been 10 years, but let's just say that it's incredibly infrequent.

[Chris]

Okay, when you say incredibly infrequent, can you give us an approximate?

[Caller (Chris)]

Oh, once a month. Jeez. More infrequent than that.

[Chris]

Once every three months?

[Caller (Chris)]

I would say more like maybe five.

[Male Host]

Wow.

[Chris]

Yeah. Kid out of the bed, get out of the bed.

[Female Host]

Yeah, I mean, I, I'm trying. I think we understand the mentality of the parent. I mean, it is painful to see your child in pain or scared. And so, I mean, a child sleeping in the bed with the parents is not a problem. That's not the issue. The issue is the fact that a 12 year old sleeping in the bed with the parents consistently is a huge problem.

[Chris]

Go ahead, Kristen, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Jennifer]

Hey, mom needs to let the baby grow up. Just, I mean, that's an awkward age for kids. They're going, especially girls, they're going through puberty. Gonna start her cycle soon if she already hasn't. Maybe something is. I don't want to say something's wrong with your child, but you guys really need to look into that because that's a bit old. And for her not to want to be independent and start to rebel and establish her own identity is kind of crazy. My daughter is five and she's slept with me since she was born. I got her out of the room finally and she would pick my lock and like the other lady, come and sleep at the foot of my bed because I would lock my door. I had to change the locks so she could, it couldn't be tampered with. She would get a butter knife and come in at night, like shimmy. I would see her in my armoire doing the belt, belly crawl onto the.

[Chris]

Floor of my room like a SWAT guy or somebody in the army, like down at elbows.

[Female Host]

She paints her face before she gets in.

[Chris]

Right. She's got the helmet with the bush on top of it.

[Jennifer]

Yes. She would belly crawl into my room at night. So you guys really need to just let her grow up and just tell mom that she needs to get her out the room. That's a really awkward age for young girls. They start having all crazy kind of feelings and just get her out the bed regardless of how she reacts to it.

[Male Host]

So I think we can all agree that Chris needs To put his foot down with his wife and with his daughter. But how should he do that? What advice would you give him to put his foot down?

[Jennifer]

Just really sit down with her and explain to him. To her, the age is the major thing. I mean, three and four, no problem. But she's starting to cycle. She's getting breath, and that's really awkward for not only him, but for her. Yeah, I think she really needs to develop her own identity at this age. I mean, she's gonna have sleepovers, like they said, and she's gonna look like a big weirdo, not being able to do anything that other kids are doing. Her age, because she wants to sleep with mom or dad.

[Chris]

And maybe.

[Jennifer]

I mean, if it's that hard, take her to see somebody. It might be some underlying issues as to why she cannot sleep in her own room at 12.

[Chris]

I know where you're coming from. I've talked to parents, though, that have had that problem with their kid, and they say those three or four nights where the kid is crying all through, like, you as a parent, you just assume your kid's gonna stop crying in 20 minutes, and then 20 minutes goes by and it's 30. Then 30 is an hour, and you almost feel like you're being abusive by not going in there. So to try to make that fight for five days, I could understand how you're just a mess about it, man.

[Male Host]

Well, and it may be longer than five days, because this is a pattern of behavior that's been going on for 10 years. I mean, you're gonna have to put your foot down night after night after night until you break her of this pattern of behavior. But, I mean, normal. She'll be okay. You know, you're gonna have to break her of it.

[Female Host]

But she's gonna live.

[Male Host]

She's gonna live. She's gonna be fine. You know, she's gonna be, you know, tired at school for those couple of days, and hopefully she'll tire herself out so much that at one point, she'll just fall asleep by herself in her room.

[Female Host]

But she's better off. I'm telling. Oh, my God. If I was 12 and told my friends that I was sleeping in the bed with my parents.

[Chris]

Oh, no.

[Caller (Chris)]

Ridiculous.

[Male Host]

I would be awesome.

[Female Host]

My social status at school would be gone forever.

[Chris]

All right, Chris, I hope you got something. We got to end this and move on to some other stuff, but I hope this helped a little bit.

[Caller (Chris)]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna try to put my foot down.

[Female Host]

I think it's gonna be hard. You got to.

[Chris]

Dude, Your daughter is 12 years old this time, man. You gotta fight this fight right now.

[Male Host]

And you need to. You need to get some action back in the bedroom.

[Chris]

Serious. Once every five months. That's a whole nother issue right there, bro.

[Caller (Chris)]

Oh, God.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Caller (Chris)]

All right.

[Chris]

All right, man. Thanks for calling. See you later.

[Caller (Chris)]

Bye.

[Chris]

Bye.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Chris]

Ago that without your help, the show is pretty lame.

[Caller (Chris)]

Throw him a bone and call him anytime.

[Chris]

404-741-10.5 the Bert show on all the hits. Q100 the Burt show.

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[Jennifer]

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[Jennifer]

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