The Bert Show – “Vault: How Did You Leave Your Kid Behind?”

Date: December 29, 2025
Host: Bert (with callers)
Theme: Real-life "Home Alone" moments – parents and families share their stories of accidentally leaving behind kids, pets, and more.

Episode Overview

In this lively, confessional episode, Bert and his audience recount tales of heart-stopping moments when parents (and, in some cases, entire groups) accidentally left children (or pets!) behind during travels or outings. Spurred by Bert’s own close call, listeners call in with a mix of humorous and anxiety-inducing experiences, emphasizing the chaos of busy lives and the miscommunications that often happen when you’re in a rush, traveling with multiple cars, or wrangling a crowd.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bert’s Close Call: Almost Leaving the Dog Behind

• Timestamp: 00:57
• Bert opens with an honest confession: nearly forgetting his dog during a hectic Thanksgiving trip in Charleston.
  • “We were this close to leaving our dog behind in Charleston.” – Bert (01:53)
• Sets the tone by asking parents if they’ve ever had a real-life "Home Alone" scenario, animal or human.

2. Listeners Share Childhood Horror Stories

A. Youth Group Field Trip Fiasco

• Timestamp: 02:26
• Caller shares her sister’s trauma: during a long church group trip, two buses assumed her sister was on the other one; she was left “hundreds of miles” from both home and the destination, stranded at a rest stop.
  • “She had to call my father who had to drive the hundred or so miles to go pick up my sister ... she sat and watched TV for a couple hours till my father was able to get there.” – Caller 1 (02:34)

B. Mall Mayhem – Black Friday Mix-up

• Timestamp: 03:12
• Restaurant worker recounts a party of 18 at a mall. Midway through their meal, they realize “little Tommy” is missing; they had left him at a different mall during a Santa photo op on Black Friday.
  • “He was sitting at the fountain just waiting for them – panic, man, he was like eight years old.” – Caller 2 (03:58)
• The panel expresses relief and laughter but acknowledges the underlying panic.

C. The Two-Car Dilemma

• Timestamp: 04:07
• Several stories underscore the chief dangers of group travel in multiple vehicles.
  • Caller recounts driving from Vermont to Houston with two cars, accidentally leaving her two-year-old at a gas station miles back because each parent thought he was in the other car.
    • “He was back there with those people … those gas station people.” – Caller 4 (04:52)
  • Bert and others emphasize the confusion: “It’s the two-car thing. Miscommunication between cars.” – Bert (05:52)

D. Baby on the Roof

• Timestamp: 06:01
• New mom, in a flurry of multitasking, puts her two-month-old baby (in a carrier) on the roof of her car, almost drives away before realizing.
  • “She left him on the roof of the car in the carrier. … That’s how we gave her the nickname ‘Ding Dong’ because she is completely dingy.” – Caller 3 (06:43)
  • Bert is aghast: “You’d be completely panicked as a parent. You’d be like, what kind of parent am I?” (06:53)

E. International Travel Scare

• Timestamp: 07:27
• Teenager left behind during a class trip to Madrid – classmates leave for the airport in taxis, forgetting her.
  • “I went down and all the taxis were gone … my teacher … realized that I wasn’t there.” – Caller 3 (07:51)
  • Laughter as Bert jokes, “You’re damn lucky they didn’t leave Spain without you.” (07:54)

F. Coats on the Baby

• Timestamp: 08:16
• Unique story: At a party, parents put their baby to sleep on a bed, guests pile their coats on the baby, and after drinking, everyone forgets the child.
  • “When they had a little too much to drink … had to call them and say you forgot your baby … as people started to pick up their coats, they’re like, there’s a baby under here!” – Caller 3 (08:36)
  • Show wraps with laughter and disbelief.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bert (01:53): “We were this close to leaving our dog behind in Charleston.”
• Caller 1 (02:34): "She had to call my father who had to drive the hundred or so miles to go pick up my sister ... she sat and watched TV for a couple hours till my father was able to get there."
• Caller 2 (03:58): “He was sitting at the fountain just waiting for them – panic, man, he was like eight years old.”
• Caller 4 (04:52): “He was back there with those people … those gas station people.”
• Bert (05:52): “It’s the two-car thing. Miscommunication between cars.”
• Caller 3 (06:43): “She left him on the roof of the car in the carrier. … That’s how we gave her the nickname ‘Ding Dong.’”
• Bert (06:53): “You’d be completely panicked as a parent. You’d be like, what kind of parent am I?”
• Caller 3 (08:36): “Had to call them and say you forgot your baby ... as people started to pick up their coats, they’re like, there’s a baby under here!”

Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:57 – Bert’s story about almost leaving the dog
• 02:26 – First listener shares field trip saga
• 03:12 – Mall “Tommy” incident
• 04:07 – Two-car confusion: child left at gas station
• 06:01 – “Baby on the roof” story
• 07:27 – Left behind in Spain after chaperoned trip
• 08:16 – Baby buried under party guests’ coats

Tone & Atmosphere

The episode is fast-paced, full of laughter but also commiseration for parental panic. There’s a definite sense of honesty and vulnerability; callers and hosts admit past mistakes with self-deprecating humor and empathy. Bert and crew never shame—only relate, offering reassurance through shared human frailty.

Takeaway

If you’ve ever had a “Wait! Where’s the kid?!” moment, you’re in substantial, if somewhat scatterbrained, company. The Bert Show’s cast and listeners use humor, candor, and community to cope with these parenting misadventures—and remind us that even the best-intentioned adults make panicked mistakes in the chaos of daily life.