Vault: How Do You Tell Someone They Gossip Too Much?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: How Do You Tell Someone They Gossip Too Much?
Date: February 5, 2026
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the entire Bert Show Cast

---

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode centers on the tricky issue of dealing with a chronic gossiper in one's friend group or workplace. The Bert Show hosts debate the nuances of gossip, where to draw boundaries, and how (or if) to confront habitual gossipers—especially when the gossip turns toxic or untrue. The cast also grapples with the ethics of intervening and the risks of further entangling oneself in drama.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining Gossip and Its Scope

• The conversation kicks off with a group member (A) describing a friend who "only knows how to talk by gossiping" and whose stories are often untrue.

• The hosts discuss whether all gossip is inherently negative and whether sharing good news without permission (e.g., someone's pregnancy) also counts as gossip.

  "Gossip means gossip's negative. Right." — A (02:05)
  "It's not your news to share, though." — C (02:23)

• Levels of Gossip: Some is considered “acceptable” (banter, sharing minor insights in close circles), while some is clearly not (spreading harmful or false rumors).

  "There are levels of gossiping that are existing. Some are acceptable and some are not." — B (01:55)

2. When Gossip Crosses the Line

• The problematic friend spreads blatantly fabricated stories. The impact becomes harmful once made-up gossip starts affecting people the hosts know.

• A worries about complicity: does telling the people involved, or confronting the gossiper, just make them part of the drama?

  "Do I have any sort of obligation to go to either A, the person who's gossiping... or B, the person that the stories are being told about..." — A (04:10)

• The dilemma is deepened by the classic risk in social dynamics: by getting involved, you risk becoming part of the very problem you’re trying to solve.

3. Should You Intervene? Approaches & Ethical Dilemmas

• Option 1: Confront the Gossiper: Hosts debate if it’s worth telling the gossiper they’re out of line—but acknowledge how hard or awkward this confrontation can be.

  "I don't think you're capable of that conversation." — C (05:14)

• Option 2: Warn the Target: Others argue it might be ethical to warn the person being gossiped about—especially if the gossip is malicious or damaging.

  "I would say you should tell the one being gossiped about if they are good friends… like, 'Hey, you need to know who you're dealing with here.'" — D (06:43)

• Option 3: Disengage & Stay Out: Some hosts recommend pulling back entirely, especially if the relationships are no longer close, to avoid fueling the drama.

  "I think because the people that you're talking about aren't really important to you anymore. I think you just take yourself out of it." — C (05:43)

4. Risks of Getting Involved—Becoming Part of the Gossip

• Highlighting the "telephone game" effect, the hosts note that clarifying rumors can paradoxically make one more deeply tied to gossip, and sometimes backfire.

  "If you point out that the part of the gossip is not true, then aren't you by setting the record straight, contributing to the gossip because you're validating what the true story is." — A (05:56)

• "If you get your hands in it, they're all gonna turn on you because they're still hanging out with each other." — C (06:17)

5. Listener Call-In Suggestions

• Mark (08:00): Suggests interrupting gossipers directly:

  "Every time somebody's gossiping to you, just put your arm around them and tell them that you're talking about my friend, and they'll shut." — Mark (07:53)

• The cast jokes about the delivery and accent, bringing levity to the conversation.

• Cooper (08:18): Calls out the hosts for sounding like "girls" gossiping, prompting discussion on gender stereotypes and the idea that gossip is a "female" behavior (which the cast rejects).

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Gossip's fun. Everybody likes to talk crap about everybody else. Makes you feel good, puts other people down, and what's not enjoyable about that, Right?" — A (00:17)
• "If you point out that the part of the gossip is not true, then aren't you by setting the record straight, contributing to the gossip?" — A (05:56)
• "It’s a two-way street. Of course it is. And I don’t have a life of their own..." — D (07:27)
• "Because then the only way to … If you point out that the part of the gossip is not true, then aren't you by setting the record straight, contributing to the gossip because you're validating what the true story is." — A (05:56)
• "Guys aren't supposed to talk about gossip." — Cooper (08:25), sparking awareness and pushback around gendered ideas about gossip.

---

Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:00–01:30: Defining the problem—when gossip crosses the line in friend or work circles.
• 02:00–02:45: Is all "news-sharing" gossip? Distinguishing good news versus bad, and the ethics of sharing.
• 04:10–05:56: The obligation to intervene—confronting the gossiper or warning the target.
• 06:15–07:30: Risks of involvement—becoming ostracized or fueling drama further.
• 07:53–08:13: Listener Mark shares his direct but sincere method for stopping gossip.
• 08:18–08:58: Cooper’s call and the gendered aspect of gossip.

---

Tone & Style

The episode is candid, irreverent, and self-aware, with hosts frequently poking fun at themselves while grappling with the social etiquette of gossip. The tone balances thoughtful reflection, genuine frustration, and plenty of humor.

---

Takeaway

The Bert Show team illustrates there’s no easy fix to stopping a chronic gossiper—especially when you're caught between protecting friends and avoiding deeper drama. Listeners are offered candid advice, humor, and reassurance that it’s okay (and often wisest) to step back entirely rather than getting stuck in the revolving door of gossip.

---

For further discussion or to share your own dilemmas, visit thebertshow.com or call 1-855-BertShow.

Transcript

[A]

The Birch Show. I don't know if this is socially awkward or if it's just a weird. Like an ETI. I guess it's etiquette, but it's etiquette of somebody who's already doing something. How do you. How do you handle somebody who's already doing something wrong?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like, I need etiquette for somebody who's already not in the right. Because we have a friend, Jessica and I have a friend who is a little bit of a gossip. And, you know, like, if you say, I don't like gossip, but don't believe in it, you're lying. Gossip's fun. Everybody likes to talk crap about everybody else. Makes you feel good, puts other people down, and what's not enjoyable about that, Right? So you sit around and you say.

[C]

Unless they're your friends. I mean, are you talking about, like, a closed circle? You're talking about people you don't know?

[A]

I mean, it's just in every. In every circle, you know? Like, let's. Let's say let's use the environment of an office. Okay? So, like, we all know each other here at Q100, you know, Nathan and sales and everybody else. Like, we're all friendly, and we all know who is who. And let's say there's allegedly. Allegedly, right? So we're all in this circle and everything. And you'll gossip about other people in the office who you know and you have a respect for because they work in the same company as you. Well, this one person that is a gossip is, like, a pretty severe gossip to the point where they just. Like, there's stuff that's blatantly made up. Like, I mean, they are a hardcore. It's almost the only thing they know what to talk about or how to talk and is by gossiping.

[B]

But I do think Bert's right. Like, I think that if you don't. If you. If somebody comes up and tells me a story about somebody behind their back that I don't know too well. It's weird then, that I don't think much of that person. But if it's a close friend of mine, then it's like we're just talking about what's going on, and we're kind of comparing notes.

[C]

Like, is this the inner clique gossip stuff that goes on? Because that's the stuff that I hate. Like, is this, like, part of, like, your friend group where people are talking crap about each other within the same.

[A]

Group, like you and I talking about Melissa and just have it be, like, shady or Whatever. Not. It's a broader group than that because.

[B]

There are levels of gossiping that are existing. Some are acceptable and some are not.

[D]

Well, and is it gossiping if you're sharing somebody's good news or is it only bad news?

[C]

If it's gossip, yeah.

[A]

Gossip means gossip's negative. Right.

[D]

Like, if somebody's pregnant and you know about it when she's only like two months along, and like, I go and I tell Melissa, like, hey, did you hear so and so pregnant? Or whatever, is that still gossip?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Is gossip or is gossip?

[D]

Because that's gossip.

[B]

Talking about something you don't know about.

[C]

It's not your news to share, though.

[B]

You know what I mean? Yeah, it's either. It's unconfirmed, but even if you know.

[A]

For certain, like, something like a pregnancy should be spread by the parties involved and that is.

[D]

So then that would be gossip.

[A]

It'd be gossip.

[D]

But if maybe she's just started telling people.

[A]

I don't know.

[D]

I'm just trying to figure out if it's only bad news that's gossip, or if it's good news, it's also gossip.

[B]

Well, what does your friend do, Joe?

[A]

Well, it's hardcore. Like, all she communicates in is gossip. Like, when she talks, everything's a story, you know what I mean?

[D]

About someone else.

[A]

About somebody else. It's almost like she doesn't have the capability of having a random conversation about a new car she's going to look at. Like it's always about someone else. So much so that I have begun to limit my time with this person because it's weird, but I still have a great friend who's around them a lot, around her a lot. So I get the secondhand gossip. And it's almost a joke now. Like when I know that they're going out for drinks or when they're going to see each other or if they end up at the same event. Like, I'll say, oh, so what stories do you get? And it's. For a time, it was a joke because there are always a stack of stories. And we would laugh at the stories. But then. Or maybe not that, maybe this has always been the case, but then the stories started to affect people that I knew. And I knew the stories were made up, like, 100% completely. And it's probably like that childhood telephone game. Like, I tell Bert something and Bert tells Melissa, Melissa tells Jen, Jen goes to all the interns, and by the time it gets back to Tracy, the story's 1 million times different. Maybe that's what's happening. But the stuff is just blatantly wrong. So my question is. Because I'm removed, like, I've already separated myself from the person who. Who does nothing but gossip. My question is this. Do I have any sort of obligation to go to either A, the person who's gossiping and saying, you're not telling true stories and I think it's shady, or B, do I have any obligation to go to the person that the stories are being told about and saying, hey, somebody's telling stories about you, and not only is it gossipy, but the stories are wrong? And obviously, because it's gossip and we establish gossip as negative, it's not good stuff.

[B]

Mm.

[C]

I think I'd go to the person that the gossip is about rather than the exact source.

[D]

I think you can go to both.

[A]

But my. I almost think, like, I have these thoughts in my mind that I feel some obligation to protect these people. But then I'm like, well, I've already removed myself from it.

[C]

Yeah, they're not even really great friends. So are you contributing to the gossip and the drama by getting involved in it at all?

[A]

That's my thought. Because then does it become, oh, and then. Yeah, meddling or he knows.

[B]

I don't think it is. If you go to the gossiper, you know, you're not meddling anything. You're just going to them. I mean, even if you tell them, look, the reason we don't hang out as much is because I don't really like you talking about everybody.

[C]

I don't think you're capable of that conversation.

[A]

It's a tough conversation to have.

[C]

I don't think you're capable of that.

[B]

But I do think if you go to the person being talked about, because nobody seems to. You said that they laugh about this person's story, so it's not as if anybody believes what they're saying about that person anyway. So I wouldn't even talk to the person who's being gossiped about.

[A]

I didn't have a problem when the gossip was just gossip, when it was just BS gossip. But then when blatant lies start to come up and I know the truth, like, then it's almost like, well, wait a minute. But then do I become a gossip by setting the record straight?

[C]

I think because the people that you're talking about aren't really important to you anymore. I think you just take yourself out of it.

[A]

Is there out of the loop, out of sight, out of mind?

[C]

Because if not, it seems to me like you're just contributing to the whole Hills mentality.

[A]

Because then it's funny you said the hills, because when I had this conversation with Jessica, she's like, okay, Elsie, how do you want to handle this one? But yeah, because then the only way to. If you point out that the part of the gossip is not true, then aren't you by setting the record straight, contributing to the gossip because you're validating what the true story is.

[C]

I'll tell you what I think will happen also, because you're not part of this tight group anymore. If you get your hands in it, they're all gonna turn on you because they're still hanging out with each other.

[A]

Oh, Jeff. Just can't let go, eh?

[D]

That's what I was gonna ask is how close is the gossiper to the person that they're gossiping about?

[A]

The person who is being gossiped about is a lot closer to me than the person who's doing the gossiping.

[D]

But are they close to each other? Are they friends?

[A]

Not really.

[D]

Because I would say you should tell the one being gossiped about if they are good friends and they're being deceived on that friendship, like, hey, you need to know who you're dealing with here. Like, you need to know that this person is not really your friend. You know, I've done that before.

[C]

I've done that before. Yeah.

[A]

Really?

[D]

I've done that before and just said, listen, this person is saying this about you, and they'll turn on me.

[C]

You know what has happened when I've had that conversation with a person? I said that. He said to me, that's cool that you said that, because I got to tell you what's going on about you.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And the person was doing the same thing on the reverse.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

See, now I want to.

[B]

Because set the record straight about me because that person's talking about you too.

[A]

Yeah, I know. And that's the whole thing is like, I know that it's a two way street.

[D]

Of course it is. And I don't have a life of their own.

[A]

And I almost don't want to know.

[D]

Judge and talk about everybody else's life and share or they feel, well, they're.

[B]

Getting attention that way. Like, they may be there's somebody that doesn't feel confident in telling their own stories because they don't think they're interesting enough.

[A]

I have a friend who. Who has somebody like this in their circle or who did and referred to that person as toxic. And I'm like, that is a great word.

[C]

Hey, mark, you're on Q100.

[E]

Hey. How y' all doing?

[D]

Good.

[C]

You got a way to stop this?

[E]

Yes, sir. Every time somebody's gossiping to you, just put your arm around them and tell them that you're talking about my friend, and they'll shut.

[C]

And I think if you use this accent right here, it's more helpful.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It does not get shot with a hunting rifle.

[D]

It does sound like you'll be doing it on the front porch of a cracker barrel.

[A]

Right? Hey, y', all, you're talking.

[C]

If he did it to me, it would be, like, all warm, like, you know, it sounds sincere to me.

[D]

It does.

[A]

That's funny.

[C]

Cooper, what's up?

[E]

Hey. I just listen to y' all show. I just want to say that both y' all sound like a girl right now.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Guys aren't supposed to talk about gossip.

[A]

I know. That's whole part of the problem is I don't want to insert myself into it and then become. I already got a reputation for being the guy who loves gossip. Like, I don't want to be the guy who gets involved in gossip. What is the difference? Because the guy who loves it just listens to stories and repeats them. The guy who's involved is re editing them and involved bringing other people into the loop. And I think we all need to have, like, who's more annoying than the girl who is. Like, we all need to sit down and talk this out. I don't want to be that girl.

[C]

The guy.

[A]

I don't want to be anything. The Birch show.