Vault: How Do You Tell Your Husband He's Bad at Homework Help?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: How Do You Tell Your Husband He's Bad at Homework Help?

Date: March 27, 2026

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Overview

This episode of The Bert Show centers around a listener’s dilemma: How do you gently and effectively tell your spouse they might be doing more harm than good when helping your child with homework? The cast dives into family communication, parenting roles, ego, and how to approach such a sensitive topic, all with their characteristic humor and candidness. The discussion features advice from listeners, especially teachers, offering a practical and thoughtful take on the issue many families quietly face.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Dilemma: Homework Help Gone Awry

• The episode kicks off with Christy (Host) sharing a personal story of mishandling her own child's homework, leading to embarrassment when her child arrives at school unprepared. (01:00–01:44)
• Listener Beth calls in about her husband, who regularly helps their eighth-grade son with math homework. Despite being a landscape artist (and presumably good with geometry), he’s missing the mark—and their son’s homework grades are suffering, though his test grades are high. (01:55–03:04)
• Key Symptoms:
  • High test scores, but low homework grades.
  • Visible signs: erased answers, husband’s handwriting on returned assignments, and a lack of time for the working mom to double-check everything.
  • Parenting dilemma: not wanting to go around the husband directly or undermine him but needing to help the child.

Should You Talk Directly to Your Partner?

• The hosts and callers discuss whether to confront the spouse head-on or find a less confrontational path.
• Christy (Host) asks for clear evidence before tackling such a tricky conversation. (03:04)
• Caller (Mom) admits to feeling stuck—balancing wanting to support the husband’s involvement, the son’s well-being, and the family dynamic. (03:49)

Teacher and Listener Advice: Bring in the Professionals

• Multiple teachers call in to share their perspectives:

  • First Teacher Caller: Suggests talking to the teacher before having a potentially hurtful conversation at home since homework is often graded for completion, not accuracy. (05:15–05:44)
    Quote: "Most of [homework] is graded on completion, not accuracy... I would suggest talking to the teacher to find out why the homework grade is so low and then go from there."
  • Beth and the panel like the idea of approaching the teacher as a united front—which might also help the dad see what's going on without an accusatory conversation. (05:44–06:03)

• Second Teacher Caller: Recommends parents ask for teacher-led tutorial sessions, so both parent and child understand the current curriculum—since math methods have evolved. (06:25–06:54)
  Quote: "The teacher shows the parent how to help their kid... I welcome it because they have a genuine concern, and I'll sit down with them and go over long division because they haven't done it in 20 years."

• Discussion about the feasibility of getting a tutor:

  • Caller (Mom): Wonders aloud if hiring a tutor might be easier, but money could be an issue, and it's valuable for parents to engage with their kids' learning. (07:07–07:24)

Navigating the Conversation: Honesty vs. Sensitivity

• Beth and others debate the merits of directness versus delicacy.
• Caller (Tony): Advocates for a straightforward talk: "If he's a man, he should be ... interested in what's best for his son, not his pride. Just be open and honest with it." (08:23–09:04)
• Christy (Host): Pushes back, worrying about bruised egos and the affect on the parenting partnership: "You don't want to be told, look, you can't handle our 8th graders math." (09:04–09:17)
• Caller (Advisor): Emphasizes not openly dividing parenting roles or showing the teacher who helps, to avoid creating conflict or undermining the husband. (08:11–08:16, 09:20)

The Teachers’ Perspective: Changing Math and Parental Struggles

• Seventh Grade Math Teacher: Points out that kids are learning concepts now that their parents didn't encounter until later grades, making it perfectly plausible for parents to struggle. Suggests going to the teacher alone first to understand the real issue before talking to the husband. (09:48–10:57)

Consensus & Closing Thoughts

• All advice converges on talking to the teacher first, gathering all the facts, then deciding as parents how to proceed, protecting egos and relationships while helping the child.
  • "Either way ... you got to talk to the teacher. If you do it independently or you do it as a couple, that's your call. But everybody's saying go to the teacher first." — Christy (Host) (11:09)
• Beth: Supports approaching the teacher as a "united front." (11:50)
• Caller (Mom): Thanks everyone, feeling reassured and grateful for the advice. (11:51–11:53)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Christy (Host), on her own homework blunder:
  "And the first thing you do is you show off your big family and your poster and he walks in there empty handed." (01:36)
• Teacher Caller:
  "Most of [homework] is graded on completion, not accuracy... I would suggest talking to the teacher to find out why the homework grade is so low and then go from there." (05:19)
• Teacher Caller on tutoring parents:
  "The teacher shows the parent how to help their kid... I'll sit down with them and go over long division because they haven't done it in 20 years." (06:54)
• Tony (Caller):
  "If he's a man, he should be, you know, interested in what's best for his son, not his pride, and just be open and honest with it." (08:34)
• Seventh Grade Math Teacher:
  "The math that I teach is actually what I learned in like 10th grade ... you're talking parents who are maybe 30s and later who haven't seen this stuff in 20 years." (09:48)

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Notable Timestamps

• 01:00–01:44: Christy’s story about her own homework mishap.
• 01:55–03:48: Beth describes her husband’s struggle helping their son with math homework.
• 05:15–05:44: Teacher advises talking to the teacher first.
• 06:25–07:07: Teacher suggests parent-teacher tutorial sessions.
• 08:23–09:04: Tony advocates for direct spouse-to-spouse honesty.
• 09:48–10:52: Seventh Grade Math Teacher explains why parents struggle with modern curriculum.
• 11:09–11:49: Hosts summarize the consensus: Talk to the teacher first.

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Tone & Takeaways

As always, the Bert Show balances heart and humor, treating a real-world parenting issue with warmth, practicality, and open lines for listener involvement. The expert consensus: Get the facts by talking to the teacher first—preferably as a couple—before risking hurt feelings at home. Direct confrontation isn’t always the best first move, especially when egos, relationships, and children’s learning experiences are at stake.

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For More:
If you find yourself in a similar parenting bind, remember: You’re not alone, teachers are a resource, and sometimes the united front is the best way forward.

Transcript

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[Christy (Host)]

Listen, it's the virt. So I was telling these guys a couple of days ago that Stacy goes away for the weekend and I've got Hayden's homework there and we do it together. And then I find out on Monday that I butchered two assignments that we were supposed to identify some stuff outside the house and he was supposed to write a sentence about it and I didn't read it correctly. So we identified some stuff inside the house. And the second thing was he was supposed to put a big old poster together with all these family memories. And I didn't even see that homework assignment. And he walked into class on Monday and the teacher was all excited about it because it's. He's star student this week. And the first thing you do is you show off your big family and your poster and he walks in there empty handed.

[Beth]

Oops.

[Christy (Host)]

So I hack it. And Beth must have been listening because she's in the same situation, except it's her husband that is trying and trying and trying. He's getting her wrong. Getting her wrong. Getting her wrong. Hey, Beth. Good morning.

[Caller (Mom)]

Good morning, everyone.

[Christy (Host)]

Hi. How are you?

[Caller (Mom)]

Yeah, yeah, I'm in a situation with my husband. I'm not quite sure how to talk about it or address it with him. My son is in eighth grade and his teacher, his teachers all Break up their grades into quizzes and tests and homework and projects. And his homework grades are the lowest by far, significantly lower than the rest of his grades. So it's clear that he's suffering there and that he figures things out in class just fine. And I get home later than my husband. So my husband is the one who usually helps him with homework before dinner. And it's mostly basic algebra, basic geometry. My husband is a landscape artist. He should understand these things, but apparently he doesn't. I don't know, I guess my son has just sort of begun to rely on him and he's screwing it up. So I'm not quite sure.

[Christy (Host)]

Now, do you have clear evidence? Because this is going to be a tough conversation in any arena.

[Caller (Mom)]

Well, I mean, like I said, the homework grade is very low and you know, it'll come back and it'll have kind of erase marks and I could see that as my husband's handwriting in certain places and that's embarrassing and I wouldn't want his teacher to know that. And obviously my son is very sweet natured and he wouldn't. I think he's sort of just going with whatever my husband is sort of helping him do. So I don't think he. And obviously I wouldn't say anything to my son like don't go to bed for homework anymore, secretly come to me, you know, but it's, you can't do that.

[Beth]

I mean, just based on what Bert said about the evidence. I mean, so you're getting the homework papers back and it's got those marks on it.

[Caller (Mom)]

Yeah, yeah. Or you know, I'll check him before he goes to school and just look over it. But I, you know, I just like, I come home late, I cook dinner and then I don't have time to really sit down and go over everything. So it's, it's a lot to do for me, but so I'm in a spot, you know, I'm not sure.

[Caller (Advisor)]

And you haven't talked to him about this at all yet?

[Christy (Host)]

Well, how do you. I think that's what we're getting at. Like how do you apply?

[Caller (Mom)]

Well, we just, yeah, we just got the report, so.

[Caller (Advisor)]

Okay, so this is been, hasn't been happening for a while. This has just started happening.

[Christy (Host)]

How long are we talking about here?

[Caller (Mom)]

Well, it's been kind of a whole year actually, on and off. And it's mostly been the math grades that have been suffering. But it's all again like his test scores are good, so I'm not, you know, the homework that and he was, he was. We kind of let him do it himself for a little while. In the beginning, we're like, oh, he's in eighth grade now. We didn't have to monitor him all the time, but he was suffering on his own. So that's where my husband stepped in

[Christy (Host)]

and, and started hacking it a lot, sitting with him.

[Caller (Mom)]

And it's kind of gotten worse.

[Christy (Host)]

Let's try to get some advice for you here. 404, 741. Q100. Maybe teachers have an idea, maybe other parents that were in the same situation. How do you tell your significant other that your kid is better off not doing homework with them because they're just not picking it up, even if it's in the eighth grade? Good morning, Christy. You are on the Burt Show. Hi.

[Teacher Caller]

Hi.

[Caller (Mom)]

Yes. I just wanted to say that I'm actually a teacher and I don't teach math, but a lot of my friends do, and most of them grade homework based on completion. And before causing any disharmony in the home, I would suggest talking to the teacher to find out why the homework grade is so low and then go from there. Because like I say, most of it is graded on completion, not accuracy, because most teachers just want to see that it's being attempted.

[Christy (Host)]

I like this idea of both of you guys going to the teacher because as parents, you're both concerned about his grades on homework, so you haven't even figured it out. So you both go to the teacher together and you're all trying to solve this thing together, and it's going to be blatantly obvious by the end of that conference what's going on. And maybe you never have to say a word.

[Beth]

That's a great idea.

[Caller (Advisor)]

Teacher does the work for you.

[Christy (Host)]

Teacher's doing all the work for you. That might be the only way out.

[Beth]

I'm just imagining all these parents. I didn't never thought about this not being a parent, but some parents having to do homework on their own just to be able to help their kids with their homework.

[Christy (Host)]

I'm sure that goes on because when

[Beth]

you said geometry, I thought, man, if I had to help my kids geometry, I'd have to like on the side be tutored again, you know?

[Caller (Advisor)]

Absolutely.

[Christy (Host)]

Hey, Angie, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Teacher Caller]

Hi.

I'm a teacher also, and my suggestion to her is to I teach fourth grade and we get this all the time. We get parents who try their best to help their kids but don't really remember the concepts because it's been so long. I Suggest that she goes to the teacher and sets up, like, a tutorial session. I do it all the time where the teacher shows the parent how to help their kid.

[Christy (Host)]

Oh, really? Now, how do you have that initial conversation with the parent, though? Because that's gonna be an offensive one right there. Like, you go to school, usually the

[Teacher Caller]

parent initiates it with me, and I just facilitate it. I welcome it because they have a genuine concern and I'll sit down with them and go over long division because they haven't done it in 20 years. It's not that she can't. It's just that she does not remember, you know?

[Caller (Mom)]

Right. Why not just get a tutor in general? Instead of dad sitting down with the son to teach the homework to, why don't you just have, like, a separate tutor who knows math to sit down with the.

[Christy (Host)]

Well, maybe you don't have the cash for that. I mean, because that costs a little bit extra.

[Caller (Advisor)]

That's a good solution. I mean, if that's the way they need to go.

[Caller (Mom)]

Yeah.

[Beth]

I kind of like Bert's idea better, though, because I do think it's important for a parent to spend that time with the kid if they can.

[Caller (Advisor)]

And if she said teachers are willing, digest, give the guidance to the parents, then that would be the best way to go.

[Christy (Host)]

Do you approach the teacher first? I'm wondering as the mom here, and go, look, I gotta be honest with you. Here's what's going on. My husband's staying home, blah, blah, blah, blah. He isn't picking up on the assignment. So when we all sit in your office on Thursday, I know what's going on. Can you make it or do you just let it happen sort of organically?

[Beth]

But based on what that teacher said, though it may not be his ignorance that's causing the low grade on the homework. You know, she was saying, it's just there may not be enough problem solving on the paper that is causing that to happen. You know what I mean? Like, so.

[Teacher Caller]

Yeah.

[Caller (Advisor)]

And I wouldn't show the divide between the parents. I wouldn't reveal.

[Christy (Host)]

I'm not saying he would never. He would ever know.

[Caller (Advisor)]

Yeah. But I don't reveal that to the teacher that he's doing the homework either.

[Christy (Host)]

Tony, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller (Tony)]

Good morning, guys. I love you. I have a son, he's in third grade, and I'm terrified for when he starts getting into higher levels of math

[Christy (Host)]

because I know my shortcomings.

[Caller (Tony)]

But it sounds like he's a good dad. He's helping his Son with his homework every day. Why don't you just go straight to him and say, hey, you know, there's a problem with his homework. Let's sit down and do this work together and see what the problem is. If he doesn't know what he's doing, just tell him if he's a man, he should be, you know, interested in what's best for his son, not his pride, and just be open and honest with it. Y' all wanting to do all these things to skirt around the issue and be nice about it. This is a man, he's a father. He should want what's best for his son. Just be honest with him.

[Christy (Host)]

I guess you're trying to sort of not offend. Like you don't want to be told, look, you can't handle our 8th graders math. That's gonna hurt. I mean, Tony may be open minded, but I think a lot of guys would fight that unless he knows it.

[Beth]

And he'd be relieved by the conversation, you know.

[Caller (Advisor)]

Well, and she wants to encourage him continuing to spend time with their kid and doing the homework and all that kind of stuff. She doesn't want to discourage it or put him on the defense or something. Defense, the defense, the defense.

[Christy (Host)]

Very Bobby Bowden defense.

[Caller (Advisor)]

Why did I say it like that?

[Christy (Host)]

On the defense.

[Caller (Mom)]

That means you're serious.

[Beth]

Jen's drunk, too.

[Caller (Advisor)]

It's okay, Christy.

[Christy (Host)]

Good morning. You're on Q100. I think most of the calls now are coming in from teachers all saying basically the same thing. Okay, go ahead, Christy.

[Teacher Caller]

Hey, I actually teach seventh grade math. And what I was telling her is that the math that I teach is actually what I learned in like 10th grade. And I'm only like 26. So you're talking parents who are maybe 30s and later who haven't seen this stuff in 20 years. I mean, it's not really like that crazy of an idea to think that they wouldn't understand it. And I'm more open. Teachers or parents come to me and ask me about what's going on because, like, another caller said, I take grades based on completion because I don't expect to just teach it and they get it in one night. That's not what I expect. So if she can maybe go to her, maybe the kid isn't. I mean, not to say he want the child, but maybe he's just not completing all the work and, you know, or saying he is and then not doing it. I would try to get like the full story from the teacher and then approach it from there because they do have all kinds of programs. I know we have free after school tutoring and we have something called student support team where they get together with the parents and kid and they talk about what they need to do to work on their grades and things like that.

[Christy (Host)]

So are you suggesting that she go to the teacher. Teacher by herself independently or she and the husband go together?

[Teacher Caller]

Yeah, I would probably go by herself first if she's concerned about maybe this is more of his problem sort of thing. Like the dad then figure out before she goes to him and says, hey, I think you're screwing this up.

[Christy (Host)]

You know, either way, the advice that's coming in is you got to talk to the teacher. If you do it independently or you do it as a couple, that's your call. But everybody's saying go to the teacher first.

[Caller (Advisor)]

What do you think you want to do?

[Caller (Mom)]

I think it's good at life.

[Christy (Host)]

I think that's the only advice you're gonna get because I don't think that. I mean, that dude Tony sounded cool and all, but I think most guys would be pretty offended by that conversation. Even if they know what's best for the kid, it's still be tough to work around the ego.

[Beth]

Yeah, I think. But I agree with Jen. If you can go together and can go as a couple, like, oh, well, he's, you know, why don't we just go to the teacher and ask why he's. Why he is getting these poor grades instead of the husband. And then when they go, the teacher will say it.

[Christy (Host)]

All right, Beth.

[Beth]

United fronts.

[Caller (Mom)]

Well, thank you all so much.

[Christy (Host)]

Thanks a lot.

[Caller (Mom)]

It's been really helpful.

[Christy (Host)]

Listen, it's the virt show.

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