The Bert Show – Vault: How Do You Tell Your Man He Isn't Good In Bed

Air Date: February 26, 2026

Episode Overview

In this candid and humorous episode, The Bert Show team tackles a listener’s delicate question: how do you tell your partner he isn't satisfying you in bed without hurting his ego? Regular hosts and listeners weigh in with personal stories, practical advice, and some memorable analogies, creating an open and supportive discussion about communication, sexual satisfaction, and confidence in relationships.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Listener Dilemma (01:37 – 02:08)

• Colleen reads an email from a listener who enjoys her relationship but isn't sexually satisfied, since her boyfriend always finishes but she hasn’t been pleased.
  • She asks: "How do I tell him he needs to last longer without hurting his ego?"
• The hosts immediately acknowledge the sensitivity and awkwardness of the subject, noting that tact and deep acquaintance with a partner are needed.

Is Sexual Chemistry Trainable? (02:09 – 03:38)

• Derek questions if faking satisfaction has contributed to the issue:
  • "if you're faking it, you're not doing anybody anything...it's her fault...He thinks he's doing a good job, so why should he change?"
• Colleen asks whether people can truly change in bed, or if chemistry is just natural.
• Emily disagrees that bad sex is permanent, emphasizing communication and trying new things:
  • "I think there's always room for improvement...if you're in a good relationship and you can have that conversation about sex, it can get better." (03:47)
• Colleen draws a distinction between single and married partners regarding how easily these conversations can be initiated.

Caller Experiences & Strategies

Caller 1: Direct Instruction Works Best (04:38 – 07:02)

• A female caller shares that her wonderful boyfriend wasn’t pleasing her initially; as a mechanic, he "thought I was a carburetor or something."
  • She “gave him an instructional manual” in real time during sex, with positive reinforcement and specific direction:
    • "I just start giving him little tips, like, you know, move a little to the right...start off really good with, 'I really like this, this feels really good'...and then every once in a while, I'd throw in like, a little softer, like this." (05:55)
  • This worked and improved their sex life dramatically.

The Importance of Positive Reinforcement (07:10 – 07:43)

• Derek: "What will work for another woman though, is what she said about encouragement. I think being positive about it rather than being critical..."
• Other hosts agree that communicating needs and using positive phrasing is key.

Caller 2: Foreplay & Feedback (08:01 – 09:28)

• A male caller suggests focusing on foreplay:
  • "Try to push the foreplay more...The warmup is more important for women than it is for men."
• Highlights non-verbal communication—making noises, body shifts, moans—to give positive feedback during intimacy.

Humor in Guidance (08:41 – 08:49)

• Guest Commentator jokes: "Sometimes if you scream out Olay..."
  • Lightens the tone, showing humor is part of positive feedback.

Caller 3: Gentle Coaching (09:36 – 10:14)

• Another female caller suggests vocalizing when a partner is moving too fast, encouraging women to ask their partner to slow down.

The Role of Communication (10:00 – 10:41)

• The hosts summarize the consensus: open, real-time, and positive communication improves sex for both partners.
  • Emily: "I do agree that women have to say something about your own sexual life. If you are not satisfied, then you have to say something about it. And there is a way to say it..."

Products and "Advanced" Solutions (10:44 – 11:55)

• A caller shares a discreet suggestion: lubricants with numbing effects for longevity, which don’t insult the man.
• Emily brings up dual-enhancement products advertised on TV, suggesting these are for couples with deeper comfort levels.

Faking It Creates Barriers (12:14 – 12:25)

• The hosts agree that faking satisfaction ("stroking his ego") perpetuates the problem and makes honest conversations more difficult.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Derek (on faking it): "...if you're faking it, you're not doing anybody anything, then you're...it's her fault...He thinks he's doing a good job, so why should he change what he's doing?" (02:17)
• Emily (on improvement): "There's always room for improvement...if you're in a good relationship and you can have that conversation about sex, it can get better." (03:47)
• Female Caller 1 (on "instructing" her partner): "I just start giving him little tips... giving him encouragement... this is what I like. This is what I don't like." (05:55 – 06:33)
• Male Caller: "After a while, she actually just, like, sat me down and showed me how to do it." (09:15)
• Colleen: "So here, what we're really saying is you gotta have the guts to communicate with him in a subtle way." (10:00)
• Emily: "Too many times women just assume guys are gonna take care of them, and that's, you know, almost like their job...you have to say something about it." (10:16)

Key Timestamps

• 01:37 – Opening question: Reader email on unsatisfying sex
• 02:11 – Are you faking? Is chemistry natural or trainable?
• 03:47 – "There's always room for improvement"
• 04:38 – Caller 1 shares her "instructive" approach
• 05:55 – How to give "the manual" in bed
• 07:10 – Positive encouragement vs. criticism
• 08:01 – Male caller explains importance of foreplay, feedback
• 09:36 – Caller advice: coaching your partner to slow down
• 10:00 – Summing up: Communication is the key
• 10:44 – Products and safe "advanced" interventions
• 12:14 – The danger of faking it and closing thoughts

The Bert Show Takeaway

The episode reaffirms that great sex—just like any other aspect of a relationship—benefits from patient, positive, honest, and specific communication. Listeners and hosts agree: overcoming awkwardness and ego with real-time feedback, gentle humor, mutual enthusiasm, and open dialogue ensures satisfaction and deepens relationships. And above all, both partners are responsible for voicing their needs and helping each other improve.