Vault: How Does She Get Rid Of Her Work Stalker?

Summary

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The Bert Show – "Vault: How Does She Get Rid Of Her Work Stalker?"

Date: January 20, 2026
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Main Cast for Episode: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy
Episode Theme: Listener Tammy seeks the Bert Show’s advice on handling a persistent, possibly stalking co-worker, sparking discussion about workplace boundaries, harassment, and practical solutions.

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Episode Overview

In this vault episode, The Bert Show team speaks with a listener, "Tammy," whose work life has become difficult due to a co-worker’s intense, unwanted attention—ranging from intrusive conversations to following her outside work. Tammy’s predicament prompts a lively roundtable about workplace harassment, the guilt victims sometimes feel, and creative ways to set boundaries or seek help. The hosts and callers share a blend of empathy, personal experience, and actionable tips in their signature candid and humorous style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Tammy’s Situation Unfolds ([00:10]–[03:46])

• Tammy calls in under a voice disguiser for privacy, voicing fear that her co-worker might be listening.
• Details of harassment:
  • Co-worker persistently visits her desk, "leans over" and appears to check her out ([00:18]–[00:59]).
  • He follows Tammy around her neighborhood and local stores, including her apartment complex and Kroger, despite living far away ([01:00]–[01:08]).
  • Attempts to invade her private life, e.g., making plans to "coincidentally" show up at her vacation spot ([01:16]–[01:31]).
  • Tammy invents a boyfriend (even posing for fake pictures) to deter him, but it doesn’t work ([01:50]–[02:09]).
• Impact: She hides in other parts of the office to avoid him and relies on other coworkers to warn her of his approach ([04:04]).

Quote:

“He just is trying to get into my life everywhere he can. And it’s horrible." – Tammy ([01:31])

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The Hosts Weigh In: Harassment & Next Steps ([03:46]–[06:58])

• Tammy is torn: The offender is "nice" and "well-respected," but she’s uncomfortable escalating to HR for fear of ruining his career ([02:54], [06:23]).
• She’s already told him she’s not interested in a relationship, but he won’t stop, even suggesting they start dating if either leaves the company ([03:19], [05:04]).
• The hosts press for clarity—why hasn’t she gone to HR? Tammy expresses guilt, wishing to resolve it quietly out of concern for his future ([06:23]).

Notable Exchange:

Bert: “Have you gone to human resources?”
Tammy: “I haven't, because he's a nice guy... So I don't want to, like, mess—I don't want to ruin his life.” ([02:54])

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Alternatives to HR & Listener Advice ([07:01]–[10:59])

Acknowledgement of Harassment

• The crew explicitly state that this is harassment and that HR would be the most straightforward solution ([07:01]–[07:21]).
• Yet, they empathize with Tammy's worry about the drastic repercussions for her co-worker.

Caller Solutions

Rachel’s Advice:

• Be "specific" and direct—rather than the vague "I don’t date coworkers", clearly state “I am not interested in you” ([08:04]).

Quote:

“Guys hear things differently than what women say. Like, if you give us just a little itty bitty window, man, we will jump right through it.” – Bert ([08:04])

Maureen’s Story:

• Shares her success with a certified letter to an inappropriate boss, clearly documenting the unwanted behavior and warning that she’d escalate to HR if it didn’t stop ([08:47]–[09:26]).
• The letter resulted in the harassment stopping and provided important documentation.

Quote:

“As soon as I wrote him that letter...he totally left me alone after that.” – Maureen ([09:26])

• Hosts praise the letter’s effectiveness (“It’s a lot more effective to see the words in writing than...say them,” [09:28]).

John’s Idea:

• Have a “third party” or witness present when confronting the harasser, for accountability and to prevent “he said, she said” scenarios ([10:23]–[10:46]).

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Candid Host Reflections ([10:59]–[12:09])

• The hosts reflect on why some people can’t take “no” for an answer, noting that when intrusion extends outside work, it’s truly disturbing, not just “the chase” ([11:07]–[11:40]).
• Light-hearted suggestion: tell the co-worker she’s found a new partner (“Tiffany said, just tell him that you met Melissa at Smyrnabration and switched,” [11:56]).
• Empathy and support are evident; the hosts hope Tammy feels empowered by the advice.

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Notable Quotes and Moments with Timestamps

• Tammy shares the extent of stalking:

  “I’ve seen him in my area. I’ve seen him, like—I live on the opposite side of town from him. And I’ve been seeing him around, like, driving around my apartment complex.” – Tammy ([00:49])

• The struggle with escalation:

  “I don't want to get him in trouble, but he's really bothering me.” – Tammy ([04:04])

• On why directness matters:

  “If you give us just a little itty bitty window, man, we will jump right through it.” – Bert ([08:04])

• On written documentation:

  “I actually wrote a certified letter to him...and as soon as I wrote him that letter...he totally left me alone after that.” – Maureen ([09:26])

• Workplace consequences:

  “That's harassment, though.” – Show Host ([05:21]) “She doesn't want his career destroyed just because he doesn't get—can't get a clue.” – Host ([07:28])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:10]–[03:46]: Tammy details coworker's escalation from work annoyance to bordering on stalking.
• [03:46]–[06:58]: Discussion on the difficulty of reporting workplace harassment, especially when the harasser is "nice" and respected.
• [07:01]–[08:43]: Hosts address obvious advice and push for direct communication.
• [08:47]–[09:47]: Caller Maureen’s certified letter approach & hosts’ endorsement.
• [10:23]–[10:46]: Caller John’s suggestion of confronting with a third-party witness.
• [11:07]–[11:40]: The team debates “the chase” versus outright creepy behavior.
• [11:56]–[12:09]: Humorous suggestions and final goodbyes.

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Tone & Show Style

• Authentic, caring, but direct: The hosts balance empathy with tough love, offering realistic perspectives without sugar-coating.
• Candid humor: Even while discussing serious topics, the show retains its characteristic lightness.
• Strong community: Tricky listener problems are tackled collectively, highlighting support from listeners and cast alike.

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Summary Takeaways

• Workplace boundaries and directness are crucial; vagueness invites persistence.
• Documented communication (written or witnessed) can be powerful if escalation is needed.
• While HR is an important resource, there can be immense guilt around reporting a “likeable” harasser—something both the cast and callers understand and discuss empathetically.
• Listener-driven advice enriches the discussion with personal stories and creative strategies.

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For listeners: This episode is a compelling, real-life look at the blurry lines between unwanted attention and harassment, and the emotional minefield of dealing with it in the workplace—delivered with The Bert Show's trademark warmth and wit.

Transcript

[A]

The bird show. Jeff, we are gonna need the voice disguiser for this. We're gonna totally switch gears now and talk to Tammy, who's having a tough time with somebody at work. Good morning, Tammy.

[B]

Good morning, guys.

[A]

Hi. You're on the voice disguiser. Nobody can recognize your voice.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

So what's going on?

[B]

Well, I have this co worker that I work really closely with, and I can't avoid that. And I can't be really detailed because I don't want him to know. He might be listening, but he will not leave me alone at the office. Like, will not. I have. I have friends in other departments who have to, like, warn me when he's coming down the hall because he'll, like, stand by my desk and talk to me for, like, 20 minutes and, like, lean over me and, like, look down my shirt and do all kinds of stuff. I, like, go the opposite direction. I've seen him in my area. I've seen him, like, I live on the opposite side of town from him. I know. And I've been seeing him around, like, driving around my apartment complex.

[C]

Really?

[B]

I saw him at Kroger the other day.

[C]

Huh. In your neighborhood?

[B]

Yes. I mean, he lives probably 30 minutes away from me.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

That's scary.

[B]

But the worst. I can't even. I was going to the beach with my friends a couple months ago.

[C]

Huh.

[B]

And I've been talking about this for a couple months, and he was like, oh, wait, you're going to that beach? My parents have a beach there. I mean, a beach house there. I. Yeah, I think I'm planning to go down there.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait, would you want to hang out and all this stuff? He just is trying to get into my life everywhere I can. Everywhere he can. And it's horrible. I finally just made up a boyfriend and brought in pictures and talk about my boyfriend with everybody so that he'll finally get away from me, but it doesn't work.

[C]

It doesn't work, and I don't know what to do.

[E]

Who are the pictures of? Just, like, some guy, you know, that you're like, hey, pose for me with a couple pictures.

[A]

She took, like, the pictures out of a picture frame, right?

[B]

Yeah. It's my neighbor. He had me, like, I made him pick me up and, like, have me, like, kissing his cheek and stuff so that he'll actually believe that it's my boy.

[C]

That's scary, though. I mean, it's scary that. I mean, first. I mean, he's keeping you from being able to do your work and the fact that he's showing up in your neighborhood and wants to go on vacation. You know, coincidentally want to go on vacation. Where you're going.

[A]

That's close to stalking.

[C]

Very much so.

[D]

No kidding. Now, is this guy a boss, or is this guy a co worker? Is he on the same level?

[B]

He's a co worker that I have to work with really closely. He's kind of my superior, but not like my boss. So it puts me in a really bad position because I don't know what to do. I don't want to mess up the relationship to where I get fired because I'm a subordinate.

[C]

Mm.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

Now, the obvious answer. I'm sure people are gonna start calling and saying, just go to human resources. Have you done that?

[B]

I haven't, because he's a nice guy, and he does a really good job for the company. So I don't want to, like, mess. I don't want to ruin his life. I want to kind of deal with this between each us.

[E]

Like, what if you. Like, what if you pulled him aside, like, man to man and. And just said, like, you know, woman to man, like, face to face, hey, dude, here's what's weird.

[A]

Would he respect that, you think?

[B]

I think so, but I've kind of done that. I've told him that I, you know, I'm not interested in dating anybody in the office, and especially somebody I work so closely with, and they kind of make me uncomfortable.

[A]

And.

[B]

And he definitely doesn't get the picture. I mean, he honestly has talked about, oh, well, you know, when I leave this company or when you leave this company, I'm gonna call you, and we're gonna get together then.

[C]

Now, Tammy, I'm curious, like you said earlier that there's someone in the office who warned you when he's coming. Like, I'm curious. What other things have you. You brought the pictures into the boyfriend. The friend calls you, you know, in the other area of the office when he's coming. Is there anything else you've had to do within the office to kind of avoid him?

[B]

Well, I mean, sometimes this is terrible, and I hope he's not. Listen. Sometimes I hide from him. Like, I go and I just hide for, like, 20 minutes in another part of the office. I mean, I don't know what. I don't know what to do because I don't want to get him in trouble, but he's really bothering me.

[A]

Is this the kind of guy that if you honestly, like, Jeff said, sat him down and said, look, I got to tell you point blank this is never going to happen between you and I. You're. It's a waste of time. Is he, like, a dangerous guy? Do you think he'd snap or something like that, or do you think he'd respect it?

[B]

I don't think he would respect it. I don't know if he'd snap, but, I mean, I thought he was a great guy until he started showing up at my Kroger while I was shopping.

[A]

Yeah, you don't mess with me when I'm shopping.

[B]

I don't know what he would do, so that's kind of scary, too.

[C]

Well, it's. I mean, like you said, you already tried to give him, you know, hey, I'm not gonna date anybody in the office, so that should be enough. Like it.

[D]

That should be plenty.

[C]

Yeah. Like you said, sitting.

[B]

Well, his answer to that was, well, whenever one of us leaves, then we'll start dating.

[A]

See, most are calling up right now saying you have to sit him down and you have to say it's bothering you, but you say you've already done that.

[B]

I've done that. I've told him. It makes me uncomfortable. I mean, he. He would make comments to me, like, while I was walking in the office, he would walk behind me, you know, like, dang.

[D]

That's harassment, though.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

I mean, if it's a situation where you got to go hide on a different floor or something like that to avoid them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's. Is this guy, like, a real success in his company to wear? Because, you know, a lot of companies will make exceptions for the guy that's bringing in a lot of money or the guy that's, like, top notch, whatever, you know, is.

[B]

I mean, he's not top notch, but he does. Well, I don't really know exactly his salary or anything, but I think he's. I don't know. I guess he's decently respected throughout our department, at least.

[D]

So, Tammy, do you feel like if you brought this up to one of your bosses, that it would bring more scrutiny to you than it would to him? Or do you feel like it would just be drama? You don't want to deal? Like, I'm confused why you haven't gone to your superiors with this behavior that's bothering you? If you already talked to him and he said, and it's not, and it's not worked with him, then I'm confused why you haven't gone to anybody else.

[B]

Just because I guess this is horrible of me that I'm calling the radio and I can't even I feel bad. Like, he's a. He's a nice person. He just is taking it a little too far. And so, like, I don't. I don't want to, like, ruin his life. Like, I don't want to go into HR and say he's sexually harassing me, getting him fired, and having that on his record for the rest of his life. When I feel like if I just do a little more crafty stuff, he'll leave me alone.

[A]

All right, Tammy, I want you to hold on for one second. I'm gonna put you on hold. Then we're gonna take some calls from Burt show listeners that have some advice for you, and then we'll come back. Okay?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because we can't put everybody on the Voice of Skies or at the same time.

[E]

Now, before we take these calls, like, I'm sure one of the first ones you're gonna take is somebody almost militantly going, that is sexual harassment. You need to march into human resources and take care of. Blah, blah, blah, blah. So to, like, avoid that, can we just take that call and then get it out of the way and then work with, like, she.

[D]

Because it is.

[A]

We don't even have to take it at all. We'll just set the record straight right now and say, okay, we're aware that it is.

[E]

In an ideal world, she would go into human resources, but she's in a situation where she.

[C]

She doesn't want his war.

[D]

He.

[C]

She doesn't want his career destroyed just because he doesn't get. Can't get a clue.

[E]

And we don't need the call saying isn't, you know, like, we know. We know. We know what's right. But now we're looking at a workaround.

[A]

Hey, Rachel.

[B]

Hey, there.

[C]

Hi.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

I think that she is just trying to be too nice, and she's worried about his feelings and his job and everything. And she doesn't necessarily have to go to human resources right away, but there is a natural progression of things. She needs to start out by being specific and not this vague. Oh, I don't want to date anybody at the office. Say, I am not interested in you.

[A]

Yeah, because guys hear things differently than what women say. Like, if you give us just a little itty bitty window, man, we will jump right through it.

[E]

The office is.

[A]

I. I would date you if outside of the office.

[C]

But goes back to Bert. Your question earlier, the fact that he's stalking her in her own neighborhood. I mean, do you think that he's. I mean, do you think that's dangerous?

[A]

To say that I don't. She's only. She knows.

[C]

She doesn't sound nervous. I mean, she. She obviously in her voice doesn't sound overly threatened and nervous, just a little weirded out. But, yeah, I don't know. I think the showing up at her grocery store just kind of weird.

[A]

Good morning, Maureen. You're on the birch on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

[B]

Good morning.

[F]

I had the same situation happen with me where it was actually my boss and he was calling me after hours making very sexual remarks to me. And I had been working for him for about 10 years. And it got to the point where I actually wrote a certified letter to him where he would have to sign for it, that I know that he got it. And as soon as I wrote him that letter, I put in the letter. You know, I'm going to try and resolve this one last time between us. I don't want anything more than this. And if this does not work, then I will be forced to go to human resources. And he totally left me alone after that.

[C]

That's what he did.

[E]

Really, really smart.

[A]

It is good because, you know, he signs for so you know, he got it. And I've heard this before talk about it, that it's a lot more effective to see the words in writing than it is to actually say them because you can read them over and over and over again.

[C]

And also it's evidence. Like, if he doesn't. If he does not leave her alone, she's got something human resources right there against him in writing.

[E]

And she can write and say, here's. Here's exactly what you're doing that's bothering me, and here's what needs to stop. And then by him signing for it, if that wasn't true, like, if somebody sent that letter, wouldn't use the recipient, go right to human resources, and he's not gonna do that.

[C]

And certified letter so that he has to sign for it. I just randomly give it to him.

[A]

Laney, good morning. You have some advice?

[B]

Good morning. I do.

[F]

She could always have the guy that's posing in the pictures as her boyfriend, sit him down and talk to him.

[A]

Not bad. Really. It's not really bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. Thank you.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

And John, good morning.

[G]

How you all doing?

[A]

Good.

[G]

The letter was a good piece of advice. I wanted to call and tell her if she don't want to write the letter, she can actually go and talk to him with a third party with a witness there.

[D]

Okay.

[G]

Because if she approaches him with no witness or no type of evidence, he can always go and say, well, she's the one harassing me first.

[C]

So maybe the co worker that is actually calling to give her fair warning who knows about what's going on, all.

[G]

Three of them actually sit down and she explain to her how uncomfortable that situation is and let them know that this cannot happen and this cannot work as long as they have that witness, that he cannot go back behind her and say, well, it was her harassing me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right.

[D]

Why do you think that some guys just can't get the hint?

[C]

The chase is so. I mean, I don't. Yeah, I don't get it either.

[D]

Why is that? That he just, like, won't.

[C]

I think this goes away.

[A]

This goes both ways. Women do the same thing where you tell them no, and they just will not hear no. And you have to go through some kind of great length to make them realize this is never, ever, ever going to happen. Never.

[E]

The chase, I think, though, doesn't become a chase. Like, it does get a little weird once he's driving around her apartment complex or going to the Kroger. Then it's like, that's scary. That's not chase. That's weird. Now that, you know, we talk about the at work stuff outside of work, that's weird.

[A]

Will you turn the voice disguiser back on? A couple other suggestions that came in that we couldn't get to is go ahead and tell him and go to human resources. It's not going to hurt his career. And Tiffany said, just tell him that you met Melissa at Smyrnabration and switched.

[B]

I actually did meet Melissa at Smyrnabration. That's really funny.

[C]

And you wouldn't be lying. I mean, a half, half lie. Yeah, that's right, ladies of Atlanta, you know, use me, that's fine. If it gets you out of an uncomfortable situation, that's fine.

[A]

You can save. All right, Sam, I hope we gave you a couple of things to chew on. There some pretty unorthodox ways to get this guy off your ass.

[B]

You did, I think, really good idea.

[C]

All right, well, good luck with that. I'm sorry.

[B]

I really appreciate it.

[A]

Good luck. The bird show.